hate my ring:(

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/20/2006 9:55:58 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer
I am a WOMAN but I agree with many of the men on this thread! So much importance has been put on a materialistic item that goes on a finger. What happened to the meaning behind it?!? He didn''t propose to you because he wanted you to have a diamond on your finger, he proposed to you because he wants to have you in his life for eternity. Isn''t that enough? I think it is sad that he didn''t pay attention to what you had asked for but, you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

To many women put too much importance on a piece of mineral rock (compressed carbon). Debeers came up with a mighty fine marketing ploy to sell the diamonds that they couldn''t sell. It has caused so many stresses on the men to be able to afford something the price of a decent car that can fall out of a hole in your pocket. Although I was raised that if you are given a gift you say thank you and love it no matter what it is, it is the thought and meaning behind it, especially a gift like this.


My advice is that if you love this guy, you will love this ring! But I am very sorry you don''t like it.

Hmmm. I understand what you are saying and I agree with you, but I think in this case you''ve missed the mark. This is a gift that comes with a lot of symbolism. To me if a man gives a woman an engagement ring she doesn''t like, especially knowing her preferences, it says her feelings aren''t important, and I would not want to marry a man who didn''t care about my feelings. By the same token, a woman should not expect something unreasonable, i.e., a $35,000 ring from a man who makes the average income. I don''t think it''s an issue of his not spending enough or her being materialistic in this case because she''s not wanting bigger or better than he can afford. She simply has specific tastes and they were dismissed. I think having one''s feelings dismissed is a bigger issue than whether the ring passes muster in the "how well did you do" camp. To me, and perhaps *I* have missed the mark, from Orange''s posts it isn''t about wanting something more impressive and being materialistic.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Sorry, I was saying yes to the rest of the post. The last sentence isn't part of what I agree with. I think it should be appreciated, and I wouldn't say "I hate it." I would calmly have a talk with him about it though. If you don't like it, you don't like it, no matter who it came from. I just agree with the talk about how much importance people are putting on the ring. It's not really the ring that matters to me, it's the man.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/21/2006 12:16:06 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae
Sorry, I was saying yes to the rest of the post. The last sentence isn''t part of what I agree with. I think it should be appreciated, and I wouldn''t say ''I hate it.'' I would calmly have a talk with him about it though. If you don''t like it, you don''t like it, no matter who it came from. I just agree with the talk about how much importance people are putting on the ring. It''s not really the ring that matters to me, it''s the man.

You are absolutely right.

However, think of your ideal e-ring (which is what I''m sure you have) then think of an e-ring that you''ve seen that is not your style or you find ugly. Imagine that being the ring he gave you...AFTER you specifically told him what you wanted.
The man is more important than the ring, absolutely. But I wonder if there is someone here who actually received a ring that she didn''t like at all, and thought ''eh, it''s okay...I love him , that''s all that matters'' without any twinge of disappointment. I think it''s okay to admit that you don''t like something, like this. My FI told me if I didn''t like my ring, we could take it back and try again. You are also right that she needs to tell him how she feels but don''t use the word ''hate''.

I think this is different than if you are complaining about the size of the stone. This to me, from what I''ve read from orange, was a blatant disregard on his mother''s part for her FDIL''s feelings.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/21/2006 12:50:18 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 2/21/2006 12:16:06 PM

Author: aphisiglovessae

Sorry, I was saying yes to the rest of the post. The last sentence isn''t part of what I agree with. I think it should be appreciated, and I wouldn''t say ''I hate it.'' I would calmly have a talk with him about it though. If you don''t like it, you don''t like it, no matter who it came from. I just agree with the talk about how much importance people are putting on the ring. It''s not really the ring that matters to me, it''s the man.

You are absolutely right.


However, think of your ideal e-ring (which is what I''m sure you have) then think of an e-ring that you''ve seen that is not your style or you find ugly. Imagine that being the ring he gave you...AFTER you specifically told him what you wanted.

The man is more important than the ring, absolutely. But I wonder if there is someone here who actually received a ring that she didn''t like at all, and thought ''eh, it''s okay...I love him , that''s all that matters'' without any twinge of disappointment. I think it''s okay to admit that you don''t like something, like this. My FI told me if I didn''t like my ring, we could take it back and try again. You are also right that she needs to tell him how she feels but don''t use the word ''hate''.


I think this is different than if you are complaining about the size of the stone. This to me, from what I''ve read from orange, was a blatant disregard on his mother''s part for her FDIL''s feelings.

The funny thing was, I didn''t have an ideal e-ring. I didn''t have a specific size or design in mind that I really wanted. When he would show me rings that he was looking at, I thought they were ALL pretty, which frustrated him because I didn''t tell him what I wanted. I just knew that he had good taste and no matter what, the ring would''ve been gorgeous in my eyes. I knew he didn''t have much money so I didn''t expect a large stone either. He really surprised me with my ring because it was absolutely stunning and it was just that.. a surprise! (even though I knew what it was beforehand and that he had it, just the type, size and style of ring was the surprise) If I had told him what I wanted and got exactly that, I wouldn''t think he put much thought into picking out something from his heart. It''s like every Christmas my mom would tell my dad "I want this for Christmas" and he would get it for her. My dad got really tired of that because he said it took all the fun out of it. I think picking the ring should be part of the fun and excitment for the guy when he''s planning on proposing.

I guess it all boils down to how much you really know each other and pay attention to each other. I agree that he shouldn''t have relied solely on his mother to take care of the ring. Ask for opinions, maybe, but the ring should come from him and not his mother. Maybe this couple needs to take this as a sign that they still have a lot to learn about each other and maybe they should open up their lines of communication more.

 

[pebbles]

Date: 2/21/2006 11:18:10 AM
Author: lumpkin

Take it from me guys, a woman DOES NOT want our FMILs choosing our ENGAGEMENT RING!

Or any other gift that should be given from her fiance/husband.

You would think that would be self evident, but apparently not, LOL!

By the way, guys, this extends to decor and furnishings for your new home with your new wife. Every woman wants to be queen of her own castle.

Having been there myself, I couldn''t agree with you more!!!!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/21/2006 1:03:11 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae


The funny thing was, I didn''t have an ideal e-ring. I didn''t have a specific size or design in mind that I really wanted. When he would show me rings that he was looking at, I thought they were ALL pretty, which frustrated him because I didn''t tell him what I wanted. I just knew that he had good taste and no matter what, the ring would''ve been gorgeous in my eyes. I knew he didn''t have much money so I didn''t expect a large stone either. He really surprised me with my ring because it was absolutely stunning and it was just that.. a surprise! (even though I knew what it was beforehand and that he had it, just the type, size and style of ring was the surprise) If I had told him what I wanted and got exactly that, I wouldn''t think he put much thought into picking out something from his heart. It''s like every Christmas my mom would tell my dad ''I want this for Christmas'' and he would get it for her. My dad got really tired of that because he said it took all the fun out of it. I think picking the ring should be part of the fun and excitment for the guy when he''s planning on proposing.

Well, maybe you didn''t have an ideal e-ring and it''s just not that important to you. That''s okay. For some women the whole thing is about the surprise and the proposal and the story they will tell their kids about how they met and married. It''s not about size and specs. That is absolutely okay and I would never put anyone down because they don''t have the penchant for bridal jewelry that I do. Yes, perhaps it seems a but superficial but this is a diamond board and most of us have definite preferences about our bridal jewelry. It''s not just a new appliance or household item to us. Say it''s materialistic or we have our values in the wrong place, etc., but I''ll bet for everyone who says that there is something else that they DO have definite preferences about and would be just as upset if those preferences were not kept in mind. I think that''t the whole point here. It''s about the ring, but it''s not JUST about the ring. Not all of us want to be surprised. We want what we want because that''s what we specifically like.

I don''t quite understand why anyone who does not care much for jewelry would come to a diamond board and voice an opinion that the ring really isn''t important, though. But it''s a free country, I guess. I''m sure not everyone agrees with me either.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:30:58 PM
Author: lumpkin

I don''t quite understand why anyone who does not care much for jewelry would come to a diamond board and voice an opinion that the ring really isn''t important, though. But it''s a free country, I guess. I''m sure not everyone agrees with me either.

I don''t wear alot of jewlery...my e-ring (eventually w-ring), a watch, and a necklace. My ears are pierced but don''t wear earrings and I have other rings but don''t wear them. Why? Because I don''t care to wear anymore. Jewelry isn''t my thing. However, I like looking at all the pretty rings and jewelery...I like talking with most people here, seeing what they are planning for their wedding, getting different view points and opinions, and getting the occasionally advice.

We all voice opinions...just because we don''t care for jewerly as much as others on here...doesn''t make our opinions less significant.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:30:58 PM
Author: lumpkin

Date: 2/21/2006 1:03:11 PM

Author: aphisiglovessae



The funny thing was, I didn''t have an ideal e-ring. I didn''t have a specific size or design in mind that I really wanted. When he would show me rings that he was looking at, I thought they were ALL pretty, which frustrated him because I didn''t tell him what I wanted. I just knew that he had good taste and no matter what, the ring would''ve been gorgeous in my eyes. I knew he didn''t have much money so I didn''t expect a large stone either. He really surprised me with my ring because it was absolutely stunning and it was just that.. a surprise! (even though I knew what it was beforehand and that he had it, just the type, size and style of ring was the surprise) If I had told him what I wanted and got exactly that, I wouldn''t think he put much thought into picking out something from his heart. It''s like every Christmas my mom would tell my dad ''I want this for Christmas'' and he would get it for her. My dad got really tired of that because he said it took all the fun out of it. I think picking the ring should be part of the fun and excitment for the guy when he''s planning on proposing.

Well, maybe you didn''t have an ideal e-ring and it''s just not that important to you. That''s okay. For some women the whole thing is about the surprise and the proposal and the story they will tell their kids about how they met and married. It''s not about size and specs. That is absolutely okay and I would never put anyone down because they don''t have the penchant for bridal jewelry that I do. Yes, perhaps it seems a but superficial but this is a diamond board and most of us have definite preferences about our bridal jewelry. It''s not just a new appliance or household item to us. Say it''s materialistic or we have our values in the wrong place, etc., but I''ll bet for everyone who says that there is something else that they DO have definite preferences about and would be just as upset if those preferences were not kept in mind. I think that''t the whole point here. It''s about the ring, but it''s not JUST about the ring. Not all of us want to be surprised. We want what we want because that''s what we specifically like.


I don''t quite understand why anyone who does not care much for jewelry would come to a diamond board and voice an opinion that the ring really isn''t important, though. But it''s a free country, I guess. I''m sure not everyone agrees with me either.

I come to this board for the bridal advice on my wedding and to talk to other beautiful brides. I rarely comment on the ring forum because I truly believe that it''s not important. I just like to look at all the eye candy.

My point is that I believe a lot of girls/women seem to have lost sight of the meaning behind the ring and what it represents. I''m not pointing anyone out and I''m just speaking in general. I''m sure that some people have certain dislikes when it comes to jewelry and that''s perfectly fine, but if the lines of communication between you and your "true love" were open and if you knew enough about each other, you wouldn''t have the problem of getting a ring that you dislike. If your man doesn''t know you or listen to you well enough to get SOMETHING along the lines of your preferences, than are you sure you want to commit your life to him right now? I think that it''s a good sign that you should wait and improve the connection between you.

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer
I am a WOMAN but I agree with many of the men on this thread! So much importance has been put on a materialistic item that goes on a finger. What happened to the meaning behind it?!? He didn''t propose to you because he wanted you to have a diamond on your finger, he proposed to you because he wants to have you in his life for eternity. Isn''t that enough? I think it is sad that he didn''t pay attention to what you had asked for but, you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

To many women put too much importance on a piece of mineral rock (compressed carbon). Debeers came up with a mighty fine marketing ploy to sell the diamonds that they couldn''t sell. It has caused so many stresses on the men to be able to afford something the price of a decent car that can fall out of a hole in your pocket. Although I was raised that if you are given a gift you say thank you and love it no matter what it is, it is the thought and meaning behind it, especially a gift like this.

My advice is that if you love this guy, you will love this ring! But I am very sorry you don''t like it.

I know there have been lots of responses on this already...but I totally disagree regarding having to love whatever he deigns to give you. For some couples, the ring is very symbolic. It could mean one of many things or many things all together. For some other couples, the ring is not that symbolic, it''s more like a cultural requirement. Aka you get a ring when you get engaged. Many couples don''t think outside of that (me included)...or stop and think about why you expect a ring or whatever. Ready to get married? Gotta get a ring! For other couples even further, the ring means nothing to them other than a piece of jewelry, no symbolism, just a rock on a finger. In this instance maybe some women wouldn''t care what they wore on their finger, if anything.

People do put alot of importance on stones and rings and the like, but that is just part of how our society is. I don''t think it''s so much MATERIAL for some people as it is just wanting to have something you like on your finger. Aesthetically I pick out my own clothes and my hairstyle, why would I not want to like the jewelry I wear too?

So I don''t necessarily jump and say, oh this girl is being material because she doesn''t like the ring he got her...rather she had some input into it, then turned out she didn''t and she ends up with something totally different from what she said she wanted in the first place. Should she just love it and lie and say it''s fine? NO! That''s a habit you don''t want to start in a happy marriage.

As for testing her intentions, oh if that was the case, I''d be really upset if I were her. Give me a ring he knows I won''t like and see if I will hold my tongue? Great way to start a life together...NOT!

I think that there are times when the person seems very materialistic and all about the ring or it being bigger and who cares about the fiance or his budget etc...but this gal just doesn''t like the style, it doesn''t speak to her heart. I think she has every right to say this and feel badly about it and want to change it and have it not mean she''s horrible.

Do she and her BF need better communication? YES! Does her BF need to tell his mom to step off? YES! But I don''t think she is being entirely unreasonable about the ring itself. She doesn''t want it to be bigger, or more well-cut..she just wants the actual shape she has been dreaming about.

 

[AndyRosse]

Date: 2/21/2006 3:27:58 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer
I am a WOMAN but I agree with many of the men on this thread! So much importance has been put on a materialistic item that goes on a finger. What happened to the meaning behind it?!? He didn''t propose to you because he wanted you to have a diamond on your finger, he proposed to you because he wants to have you in his life for eternity. Isn''t that enough? I think it is sad that he didn''t pay attention to what you had asked for but, you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

To many women put too much importance on a piece of mineral rock (compressed carbon). Debeers came up with a mighty fine marketing ploy to sell the diamonds that they couldn''t sell. It has caused so many stresses on the men to be able to afford something the price of a decent car that can fall out of a hole in your pocket. Although I was raised that if you are given a gift you say thank you and love it no matter what it is, it is the thought and meaning behind it, especially a gift like this.

My advice is that if you love this guy, you will love this ring! But I am very sorry you don''t like it.

I know there have been lots of responses on this already...but I totally disagree regarding having to love whatever he deigns to give you. For some couples, the ring is very symbolic. It could mean one of many things or many things all together. For some other couples, the ring is not that symbolic, it''s more like a cultural requirement. Aka you get a ring when you get engaged. Many couples don''t think outside of that (me included)...or stop and think about why you expect a ring or whatever. Ready to get married? Gotta get a ring! For other couples even further, the ring means nothing to them other than a piece of jewelry, no symbolism, just a rock on a finger. In this instance maybe some women wouldn''t care what they wore on their finger, if anything.

People do put alot of importance on stones and rings and the like, but that is just part of how our society is. I don''t think it''s so much MATERIAL for some people as it is just wanting to have something you like on your finger. Aesthetically I pick out my own clothes and my hairstyle, why would I not want to like the jewelry I wear too?

So I don''t necessarily jump and say, oh this girl is being material because she doesn''t like the ring he got her...rather she had some input into it, then turned out she didn''t and she ends up with something totally different from what she said she wanted in the first place. Should she just love it and lie and say it''s fine? NO! That''s a habit you don''t want to start in a happy marriage.

As for testing her intentions, oh if that was the case, I''d be really upset if I were her. Give me a ring he knows I won''t like and see if I will hold my tongue? Great way to start a life together...NOT!

I think that there are times when the person seems very materialistic and all about the ring or it being bigger and who cares about the fiance or his budget etc...but this gal just doesn''t like the style, it doesn''t speak to her heart. I think she has every right to say this and feel badly about it and want to change it and have it not mean she''s horrible.

Do she and her BF need better communication? YES! Does her BF need to tell his mom to step off? YES! But I don''t think she is being entirely unreasonable about the ring itself. She doesn''t want it to be bigger, or more well-cut..she just wants the actual shape she has been dreaming about.

Ditto ditto ditto!!!

Thanks Mara, perfectly said.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer
you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

Testing intentions?!?!?! I can''t tell you how much that would p*ss me off!

If my FI had to ''test my intentions'' then he might as well not bother.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/19/2006 9:45:13 AM
Author: Anastasia

If it''s possible - get the princess changed out for a round! ''Tell her to stop acting so spoiled'' is the most obnoxious thing his mother could say. You are acting spoiled because you specified EXACTLY what you want - and she took it upon herself to change the diamond shape - the most important thing to you?

I, too, find it absurd that she''s calling Orange spoiled.

Hell, if I go out to dinner and I order beef and am served chicken, I ask them to swap it for what I asked for. That''s just a measley meal.....not something I''m going to have/wear for the rest of my life!

No, it''s most definitely NOT spoiled to ask that your desires be taken into account for YOUR engagement ring. It''s totally sane to say "if we''re going to spend that much money, it should be on something I like."
You''re DARNED TOOTIN RIGHT!

 

[jennyt]

I''m going to say it again-the mother in law is blameless here. HER SON asked her into a process in which she had no place being. It is HIS fault this was goofed up. He knew it the minute he saw the ring and still didn''t correct his mistake.

Whether the mother in law is generally a nice person is not the issue here-this should never have been her responsibility and it''s unfair to blame her now.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/21/2006 4:27:14 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer
you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

Testing intentions?!?!?! I can''t tell you how much that would p*ss me off!

If my FI had to ''test my intentions'' then he might as well not bother.

Yep. Not the best way to start a marriage at all.

Who would do that, anyway???? What, buy two rings, one she''d hate and one she''d love, then give her the one she''d hate to see how she''d react???? That''s crazy.

 

[Patty]

Has anyone else noticed that Orange has only posted here twice? I wonder if she''s had a change of heart about the ring or if she''s decided anything.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/21/2006 5:13:29 PM
Author: Patty
Has anyone else noticed that Orange has only posted here twice? I wonder if she''s had a change of heart about the ring or if she''s decided anything.

I just skimmed the whole thread really, but I noticed that too. I just would really like to hear that she had a talk with her fiance about the whole thing. She''s really stuck in a bad place. I have a wonderful FMIL that wouldn''t do anything close to that or even say anything like that, so I have no idea what to do about it. The main thing though is for her to be happy about her engagement. She really needs to communicate with him about her feelings.

 

[Rhapsody]

I''m sorry you have this hanging over your head when you want to be happy and excited about your engagement and ring. I don''t think you''re acting spoiled or ungrateful, if I were in the situation I would be furious.

Everyone keeps saying that things would have been better if the "lines of communication" had been more open. But they WERE open, he knew exactly what she wanted. When he saw the ring he KNEW it was wrong, but he would rather hurt his girlfriend/fiancee than upset his mother. That would make me beyond angry, especially in regards to your engagement ring; what YOU wanted should have come first and he should have stuck up for you to his mother.

And I disgaree with the people who say shes "missing the point" about the real sentiment behind the ring. To me an engagement ring symbolizes not only a commitment but it''s the mans way of showing that he cares about what the woman wants and is attentive to her feelings. In this case her feeling and desires were completely ignored, not out of financial necessity or any for any reason other than not wanting to offend his mother. When you buy a gift for someone you buy them what THEY want, not what you or your mother wants. Even if the ring itself is not that important to someone having your wishes ignored is gonna be disappointing, however little emphasis you put on the ring.

And any man who feels he needs to test my intentions is not someone I would consider spending my life with.

My boyfriend is extremely sentimental about gifts, but he understands that tastes can be very particular and he almost never picks my gifts without asking me about it. He keeps a list of things he knows I want so he can "surprise me" by not having me tell him exactly what I want but he knows I''ll love it. He would be very upset if I bought the wrong 3 thousand dollar wheels for his car as a gift so he understands the sickness

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:30:58 PM
Author: lumpkin

Well, maybe you didn''t have an ideal e-ring and it''s just not that important to you. That''s okay. For some women the whole thing is about the surprise and the proposal and the story they will tell their kids about how they met and married. It''s not about size and specs. That is absolutely okay and I would never put anyone down because they don''t have the penchant for bridal jewelry that I do. Yes, perhaps it seems a but superficial but this is a diamond board and most of us have definite preferences about our bridal jewelry. It''s not just a new appliance or household item to us. Say it''s materialistic or we have our values in the wrong place, etc., but I''ll bet for everyone who says that there is something else that they DO have definite preferences about and would be just as upset if those preferences were not kept in mind. I think that''t the whole point here. It''s about the ring, but it''s not JUST about the ring. Not all of us want to be surprised. We want what we want because that''s what we specifically like.

Honestly, my feeling is this: For me, it''s not about being *material* or superficial, it''s about getting VALUE for our money.

I work hard for my money, and so does my husband. As such, I''d be terribly bothered at the thought of wasting even $50 on something that he wouldn''t like, and vice versa. I often buy his clothes, because I have a great idea of what he likes, but I do it under the premise that he will TELL ME if something isn''t his taste. It''s not a personal insult....I didn''t design the damn shirt, I just brought it home! I''m more insulted if he doesn''t tell me and then lets it sit unworn! That''s a waste.

If I''m that way about $50, then I CERTAINLY don''t want to think of spending thousands of dollars on something that another person won''t absolutely love, and we concern ourselves with that with every purchase. It''s about spending money wisely.

This isn''t about appreciating the sentiment; I''d appreciate it if my husband went and bought a gaudy necklace I''d never wear. I''d appreciate that he spent the time and effort.....and I''d promptly swap it for something I preferred.

Similarly, I bought my husband a DVR for Christmas. However, he wanted one with specific specifications (which I didn''t know when I bought the initial one), so we returned mine and got the one that makes him happy. I''m THRILLED that he didn''t waste the funds on something he won''t use.

 

[GemAdorer]

Date: 2/21/2006 1:03:11 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/21/2006 12:50:18 PM

Author: Caribou

Date: 2/21/2006 12:16:06 PM


Author: aphisiglovessae


Sorry, I was saying yes to the rest of the post. The last sentence isn't part of what I agree with. I think it should be appreciated, and I wouldn't say 'I hate it.' I would calmly have a talk with him about it though. If you don't like it, you don't like it, no matter who it came from. I just agree with the talk about how much importance people are putting on the ring. It's not really the ring that matters to me, it's the man.

You are absolutely right.



However, think of your ideal e-ring (which is what I'm sure you have) then think of an e-ring that you've seen that is not your style or you find ugly. Imagine that being the ring he gave you...AFTER you specifically told him what you wanted.


The man is more important than the ring, absolutely. But I wonder if there is someone here who actually received a ring that she didn't like at all, and thought 'eh, it's okay...I love him , that's all that matters' without any twinge of disappointment. I think it's okay to admit that you don't like something, like this. My FI told me if I didn't like my ring, we could take it back and try again. You are also right that she needs to tell him how she feels but don't use the word 'hate'.



I think this is different than if you are complaining about the size of the stone. This to me, from what I've read from orange, was a blatant disregard on his mother's part for her FDIL's feelings.

The funny thing was, I didn't have an ideal e-ring. I didn't have a specific size or design in mind that I really wanted. When he would show me rings that he was looking at, I thought they were ALL pretty, which frustrated him because I didn't tell him what I wanted. I just knew that he had good taste and no matter what, the ring would've been gorgeous in my eyes. I knew he didn't have much money so I didn't expect a large stone either. He really surprised me with my ring because it was absolutely stunning and it was just that.. a surprise! (even though I knew what it was beforehand and that he had it, just the type, size and style of ring was the surprise) If I had told him what I wanted and got exactly that, I wouldn't think he put much thought into picking out something from his heart. It's like every Christmas my mom would tell my dad 'I want this for Christmas' and he would get it for her. My dad got really tired of that because he said it took all the fun out of it. I think picking the ring should be part of the fun and excitment for the guy when he's planning on proposing.


I guess it all boils down to how much you really know each other and pay attention to each other. I agree that he shouldn't have relied solely on his mother to take care of the ring. Ask for opinions, maybe, but the ring should come from him and not his mother. Maybe this couple needs to take this as a sign that they still have a lot to learn about each other and maybe they should open up their lines of communication more.

This is exactly what I was trying to say! I think a couple that is going to get married should know a little about eachother's ideas and tastes. The fact that he disregarded what she said about the round stone...hmmm, maybe she should rethink the entire thing, and they should take some time getting to know eachother. 50% of marriages end in Divorce. Nit picking over the fact that she thinks her ring is ugly, is stupid. Nitpicking over the fact that he may never be able to make a decision on his own...Now that is another story! And the excuse about them both working 80 hrs a week...I agree with one of the other people on here....this is not the time to be making hasty decisions.

Unfortunately, he asked his mother for help....picking out something for someone, he is going to be married to, hopefully for the rest of his life. If they are getting engaged, she probably knew that he depends on his mother like this....when I said love the ring, i meant everything that goes behind it...his personality is in that ring! Maybe it's not time for them to be engaged...maybe he won't be the type of man to make decisions....shouldn't she know this by now if they are getting married? I think the whole thing could have been avoided. If it's the MIL that is causing all the problems, she would have been causing problems before "THE RING"

I wasn't trying to offend anyone, just taking the devil's advocate position. I love diamonds as much as the next girl!!!
However, I still think too much emphisis is put on a materialistic item and not the relationship behind it. Yeah it sucks that she hates her ring but "hate" is a very strong word. And to ANNOUNCE it to the whole world...wow, that seems kinda inappreciative. I have known too many people that have put so much emphisis on a shallow, insignificant, material item(s) and ended up divorced because they were in it for the wrong reasons!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/21/2006 7:29:56 PM
Author: GemAdorer

Date: 2/21/2006 1:03:11 PM

Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/21/2006 12:50:18 PM


Author: Caribou

Date: 2/21/2006 12:16:06 PM



Author: aphisiglovessae



Sorry, I was saying yes to the rest of the post. The last sentence isn't part of what I agree with. I think it should be appreciated, and I wouldn't say 'I hate it.' I would calmly have a talk with him about it though. If you don't like it, you don't like it, no matter who it came from. I just agree with the talk about how much importance people are putting on the ring. It's not really the ring that matters to me, it's the man.

You are absolutely right.




However, think of your ideal e-ring (which is what I'm sure you have) then think of an e-ring that you've seen that is not your style or you find ugly. Imagine that being the ring he gave you...AFTER you specifically told him what you wanted.



The man is more important than the ring, absolutely. But I wonder if there is someone here who actually received a ring that she didn't like at all, and thought 'eh, it's okay...I love him , that's all that matters' without any twinge of disappointment. I think it's okay to admit that you don't like something, like this. My FI told me if I didn't like my ring, we could take it back and try again. You are also right that she needs to tell him how she feels but don't use the word 'hate'.




I think this is different than if you are complaining about the size of the stone. This to me, from what I've read from orange, was a blatant disregard on his mother's part for her FDIL's feelings.

The funny thing was, I didn't have an ideal e-ring. I didn't have a specific size or design in mind that I really wanted. When he would show me rings that he was looking at, I thought they were ALL pretty, which frustrated him because I didn't tell him what I wanted. I just knew that he had good taste and no matter what, the ring would've been gorgeous in my eyes. I knew he didn't have much money so I didn't expect a large stone either. He really surprised me with my ring because it was absolutely stunning and it was just that.. a surprise! (even though I knew what it was beforehand and that he had it, just the type, size and style of ring was the surprise) If I had told him what I wanted and got exactly that, I wouldn't think he put much thought into picking out something from his heart. It's like every Christmas my mom would tell my dad 'I want this for Christmas' and he would get it for her. My dad got really tired of that because he said it took all the fun out of it. I think picking the ring should be part of the fun and excitment for the guy when he's planning on proposing.



I guess it all boils down to how much you really know each other and pay attention to each other. I agree that he shouldn't have relied solely on his mother to take care of the ring. Ask for opinions, maybe, but the ring should come from him and not his mother. Maybe this couple needs to take this as a sign that they still have a lot to learn about each other and maybe they should open up their lines of communication more.

This is exactly what I was trying to say! I think a couple that is going to get married should know a little about eachother's ideas and tastes. The fact that he disregarded what she said about the round stone...hmmm, maybe she should rethink the entire thing, and they should take some time getting to know eachother. 50% of marriages end in Divorce. Nit picking over the fact that she thinks her ring is ugly, is stupid. Nitpicking over the fact that he may never be able to make a decision on his own...Now that is another story! And the excuse about them both working 80 hrs a week...I agree with one of the other people on here....this is not the time to be making hasty decisions.


Unfortunately, he asked his mother for help....picking out something for someone, he is going to be married to, hopefully for the rest of his life. If they are getting engaged, she probably knew that he depends on his mother like this....when I said love the ring, i meant everything that goes behind it...his personality is in that ring! Maybe it's not time for them to be engaged...maybe he won't be the type of man to make decisions....shouldn't she know this by now if they are getting married? I think the whole thing could have been avoided. If it's the MIL that is causing all the problems, she would have been causing problems before 'THE RING'


I wasn't trying to offend anyone, just taking the devil's advocate position. I love diamonds as much as the next girl!!!

However, I still think too much emphisis is put on a materialistic item and not the relationship behind it. Yeah it sucks that she hates her ring but 'hate' is a very strong word. And to ANNOUNCE it to the whole world...wow, that seems kinda inappreciative. I have known too many people that have put so much emphisis on a shallow, insignificant, material item(s) and ended up divorced because they were in it for the wrong reasons!

I also think that if he's relying on his mom to make these important decisions for him and is afraid to argue with her, he really needs to "cut the cord" before making a big step into marriage. Otherwise, the marriage will consist of three people instead of two and everyone knows that three's a crowd.

I agree that "hate" is a really strong word and can be very hurtful. If her fiance had seen that, I wouldn't be surprised if he was crushed. There's a difference between "dislike" and "hate." The only time I would even think of considering the word "hate" is if I would rather DIE than even be in the same region as it. I don't hate anything, but I strongly dislike some things.

 

[GemAdorer]

My point exactly....I think you and I think very similarly in this case. I am not calling her a spoiled brat because she "hates" her ring, however, just pointing out that she may want to step back and really see the person she is marring.

The other thing is that she erased the first post she put up?!?!? What is that about? We don''t know the whole story here either, she may have told him she wanted a 1 ct. round while he was sleeping....or better yet watching a sports game!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/21/2006 7:45:56 PM
Author: GemAdorer
My point exactly....I think you and I think very similarly in this case. I am not calling her a spoiled brat because she 'hates' her ring, however, just pointing out that she may want to step back and really see the person she is marring.


The other thing is that she erased the first post she put up?!?!? What is that about? We don't know the whole story here either, she may have told him she wanted a 1 ct. round while he was sleeping....or better yet watching a sports game!

And we all know that's futile!

My honey is in a totally different world at both those times!

Maybe she erased her original post because she realized she shouldn't have posted it in such a way, and to the whole world, like you said?

 

[GemAdorer]

Date: 2/21/2006 7:49:46 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/21/2006 7:45:56 PM

Author: GemAdorer

My point exactly....I think you and I think very similarly in this case. I am not calling her a spoiled brat because she ''hates'' her ring, however, just pointing out that she may want to step back and really see the person she is marring.



The other thing is that she erased the first post she put up?!?!? What is that about? We don''t know the whole story here either, she may have told him she wanted a 1 ct. round while he was sleeping....or better yet watching a sports game!

And we all know that''s futile!

My honey is in a totally different world at both those times!


Maybe she erased her original post because she realized she shouldn''t have posted it in such a way, and to the whole world, like you said?

lol you are probably right. I understand she was probably just venting...but I still think it''s sad

 

[pebbles]

Date: 2/21/2006 5:08:09 PM
Author: jennyt
I''m going to say it again-the mother in law is blameless here. HER SON asked her into a process in which she had no place being. It is HIS fault this was goofed up. He knew it the minute he saw the ring and still didn''t correct his mistake.

Whether the mother in law is generally a nice person is not the issue here-this should never have been her responsibility and it''s unfair to blame her now.

Sounds like Orange took off but I am going to put in my last $.02.

JennyT -- sounds like you are letting the MIL off the hook. I entirely disagree...take it from someone who has been there. What she (the MIL) should have done is say that she will HELP him pick something out, but she never should have the accepted the responsibility for entirely picking out the ring. I think two people were wrong here -- the son for asking her to undertake the whole project, and the MIL for agreeing to do it. And for her fiance to tell Orange what his mother said about her is just plain wrong too! Who is Orange engaged to anyway???

I have a 2 year old son. If he came to me one day and asked me to pick out his fiance''s ring, I would decline, then say in my best Italian voice "Watz da matter wit you?"

 

[GemAdorer]

I also have one last 2 cents....

http://money.howstuffworks.com/diamond6.htm

"The secret to De Beers'' success is a marketing campaign that convinces women that they should receive a diamond ring from their fiancee and convinces young men to pay "two-months salary" for that ring to show how much their love is worth. Prior to the 1930s, diamond rings were rarely given as engagement rings. Opals, rubies, sapphires and turquoise were deemed much more exotic gems to give as tokens of one''s love, according to the book "Twenty Ads that Shook the World," by James B. Twitchell. Twitchell goes on to describe how De Beers changed the world diamond market.

This idea of connecting diamonds to romance was captured in a brilliant ad campaign begun in the 1940s, causing demand for diamonds to increase. "

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 2/22/2006 7:55:06 PM
Author: GemAdorer
I also have one last 2 cents....


http://money.howstuffworks.com/diamond6.htm


<i>''The secret to De Beers'' success is a marketing campaign that convinces women that they should receive a diamond ring from their fiancee and convinces young men to pay ''two-months salary'' for that ring to show how much their love is worth. Prior to the 1930s, diamond rings were rarely given as engagement rings. Opals, rubies, sapphires and turquoise were deemed much more exotic gems to give as tokens of one''s love, according to the book ''Twenty Ads that Shook the World,'' by James B. Twitchell. Twitchell goes on to describe how De Beers changed the world diamond market.


This idea of connecting diamonds to romance was captured in a brilliant ad campaign begun in the 1940s, causing demand for diamonds to increase. ''</i>

We all know about debeers and their marketing. it''s the same company who came up with the RHR campaign a couple of years ago. Bottom line, an engagment ring is apart of U.S culture, no matter how it came to be and no one here ever recommends the 2 month salary rule, if you spend any time here you''ll find most will say set a budget, spend what you are comfortable with and don''t go into e-ring debt..

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/22/2006 7:55:06 PM
Author: GemAdorer

I also have one last 2 cents....

http://money.howstuffworks.com/diamond6.htm

<i>''The secret to De Beers'' success is a marketing campaign that convinces women that they should receive a diamond ring from their fiancee and convinces young men to pay ''two-months salary'' for that ring to show how much their love is worth. Prior to the 1930s, diamond rings were rarely given as engagement rings. Opals, rubies, sapphires and turquoise were deemed much more exotic gems to give as tokens of one''s love, according to the book ''Twenty Ads that Shook the World,'' by James B. Twitchell. Twitchell goes on to describe how De Beers changed the world diamond market.

This idea of connecting diamonds to romance was captured in a brilliant ad campaign begun in the 1940s, causing demand for diamonds to increase. ''</i>

Nothing we haven''t heard before...we are all very familiar with DeBeers and marketing.

I like the bling just cuz it sparkles.

 

[snow_happy]

Hi orange,

I breezed through the other responses so I might be respeating someone else but maybe you can look at this situation as an opportunity? Perhaps you can thank your future MIL for taking the time out to get the ring made since you and your FI are so busy. Even if she said the thing about being spoiled I think that is so nice of her to get the ring made so you can have it. The center stone, though not the shape you want, looks like a pretty good quality stone so maybe this lady knows her diamonds! After you thank her, maybe propose that you, your FI and her (his mom) find a nice round stone together. Then she will be happy because she was involved and you acknowledged her time and effort for the first ring AND you and your FI will be happy with the ring. Plus then the relationship with her is not damaged but improved!

Does that sound feasible?

(sorry for the edits...i'm already half way into the weekend... )

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/24/2006 4:56:13 PM
Author: snow_happy
Hi orange,

I breezed through the other responses so I might be respeating someone else but maybe you can look at this situation as an opportunity? Perhaps you can thank your future MIL for taking the time out to get the ring made since you and your FI are so busy. Even if she said the thing about being spoiled I think that is so nice of her to get the ring made so you can have it. The center stone, though not the shape you want, looks like a pretty good quality stone so maybe this lady knows her diamonds! After you thank her, maybe propose that you, your FI and her (his mom) find a nice round stone together. Then she will be happy because she was involved and you acknowledged her time and effort for the first ring AND you and your FI will be happy with the ring. Plus then the relationship with her is not damaged but improved!

Does that sound feasible?

(sorry for the edits...i''m already half way into the weekend... )

Wow SnowHappy your idea sounds REALLY nice...

Too nice in fact!!

No way could I have the Mom come with us to find a new round stone, she needs to get her own damn jewelry to live vicariously through!

 

[Shawna13]

Date: 2/24/2006 4:56:13 PM
Author: snow_happy
Hi orange,

I breezed through the other responses so I might be respeating someone else but maybe you can look at this situation as an opportunity? Perhaps you can thank your future MIL for taking the time out to get the ring made since you and your FI are so busy. Even if she said the thing about being spoiled I think that is so nice of her to get the ring made so you can have it. The center stone, though not the shape you want, looks like a pretty good quality stone so maybe this lady knows her diamonds! After you thank her, maybe propose that you, your FI and her (his mom) find a nice round stone together. Then she will be happy because she was involved and you acknowledged her time and effort for the first ring AND you and your FI will be happy with the ring. Plus then the relationship with her is not damaged but improved!

Does that sound feasible?

(sorry for the edits...i''m already half way into the weekend... )

Ooooh... this is good stuff! I love it! As much as you probably would want to leave the FMIL out of this... she''s going to be part of the future plan no matter what. (I would have stormed over and told her off already... but that''s just stick-up-for-myself me!

)

What what we''ve heard, she may not go for this... but if she makes a big fuss out of it and says some nasty things, then maybe FI will re-evaluate his relationship with her (from what it seems, there could be a bit of a "mama''s boy" syndrome happening here..... no offense... it''s quite common and for some men it takes a bit longer to dissipate (if ever it does of course) and sometimes it''s not entirely a bad thing). Who knows? By some crazy twist of fate, she might go along with it. Or just maybe.. .it''ll make her feel bad.

This is not an issue of only the FI... but his mother too. This needs to be resolved now with BOTH of them, not just the fiancee. Men are sometimes afraid to really stand up to their moms (which could be a good thing cause it might mean that they were taught to respect women and respect their mothers, or it could be a negative thing, or both).

Sorry I''m so late in the game. This situation was disturbing to me... and I wasn''t even involved. I can''t imagine what orange is feeling.

Oh well! I''m going to go look at all the sparklies in the eye candy thread as I am ringless until next week (see my thread in Rocky Talky). Ciao!