hey girls....when you go out to dinner with your bf ...

[happydreams]

I tend to think it''s only fair that the women pay half of the time. It''s nice when the guy will pick up the tab for extra things here and there, but in this day and age where most women work, there is no reason NOT to pick up the bill once in a while. Plus, I know many men think it is a turnoff when women expect to be wined and dined all the time. If I were a man, I wouldn''t want to be used as a free meal ticket, I''d like to know that things are pretty much equal between the man and woman. But I don''t complain if the BF wants to take me to a nice dinner once in a while.

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/29/2008 11:49:44 AM
Author: LaurenThePartier

Date: 12/29/2008 9:38:56 AM

Author: fieryred33143

Date: 12/28/2008 11:23:10 PM

Author: wannaBMrsH

I am sure that every situation is different, but I agree with Lara and KatM. When I was younger (I am in my early 30s now) I used to think that I had to prove to someone that we were equal and that I was independent. So I paid or split the bill. And that didn''t work for me or the relationship that continued to elude me. I am glad to see that so many others have been able to find the relationship they want without modifying their behavior. I had to modify my behavior to find the man of my dreams.

I just wanted to add since the highlighted portion seems to be something others agree with:


When we would split paying for dinner (and by split I mean one time I pay, the next he pays...we never split a bill though), I never felt that I was doing it to prove that I was an equal partner or that I was independent. I''m far from being a feminist.


I did it because we both worked really hard, we both had bills, and we both deserved a special night out. Granted that I''m talking about when we were much younger and in starving college days so most of our meals consisted of pizza or if we felt like really celebrating, TGI Fridays. But we always split. If we went to the movies, he would get the tickets and I would get some popcorn. If I ordered pizza when he would come over, he''d go pick up some movies from Blockbuster.


For us it was always ''all in the wash''.

Big fat DITTO to this!

100% agree. I don''t pay half to show that I''m independent, I pay half because he''s a person with this own bills to pay out of his money, trying to save for a house etc and I have my own money too.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 12/29/2008 4:35:34 PM
Author: happydreams
I tend to think it''s only fair that the women pay half of the time. It''s nice when the guy will pick up the tab for extra things here and there, but in this day and age where most women work, there is no reason NOT to pick up the bill once in a while. Plus, I know many men think it is a turnoff when women expect to be wined and dined all the time. If I were a man, I wouldn''t want to be used as a free meal ticket, I''d like to know that things are pretty much equal between the man and woman. But I don''t complain if the BF wants to take me to a nice dinner once in a while.

This is an important point. I''m on a very heavy traffic male forum, and 90% of the threads about relationships digress into a thread about "I wish my wife/gf/SO would offer to pick up the bill once in a while", or "Oh, your GF pays once in a while? She''s a keeper!"

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is nice to do so if you can. If not, I would not stress about it. I mean, if one person has the money and one does not, how would it be fair? I might suggest things that are less costly so that I could contribute...and of course if we both were in somewhat equal circumstances I might think it works well.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 12/29/2008 7:12:22 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier

Date: 12/29/2008 4:35:34 PM

Author: happydreams

I tend to think it''s only fair that the women pay half of the time. It''s nice when the guy will pick up the tab for extra things here and there, but in this day and age where most women work, there is no reason NOT to pick up the bill once in a while. Plus, I know many men think it is a turnoff when women expect to be wined and dined all the time. If I were a man, I wouldn''t want to be used as a free meal ticket, I''d like to know that things are pretty much equal between the man and woman. But I don''t complain if the BF wants to take me to a nice dinner once in a while.

This is an important point. I''m on a very heavy traffic male forum, and 90% of the threads about relationships digress into a thread about ''I wish my wife/gf/SO would offer to pick up the bill once in a while'', or ''Oh, your GF pays once in a while? She''s a keeper!''

I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and "keep up." He pays for more of the meals because he earns more than me. I handle the groceries for cooking, and do pay for some dinners. We are trying to keep things fair for our situation. Everyone is different, and everyone figures out what works for them.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

When I used to date, I stuck to letting whoever asked for the date pay for the date. So if a boy asked me to dinner, then he paid. If I invited a boy to sorority date party or formal (in college) or to a charity function, I paid. If I asked a date to a wedding, I paid for the random expenses like the gift, valet or whatever.

I just think if you invite someone to do something, then you pay. I would have been caught off guard if a guy had invited me to dinner and then wanted to split the check because that''s just not how I would do it. I can say that any second date or third date, I offered to get something (like popcorn at a movie) or brought a silly gift to show that I had thought aobut our previous conversations. I also rarely dated complete strangers, so there probably wasn''t the case of of the guy feeling taken advantage of for a free meal. Honestly, I make my own money. I would MUCH rather buy my own dinner than go to dinner with someone who bored me just for a free meal! I can''t imagine sitting through an awful date for the sake of a "free evening".

For that same reason, I only accepted drinks from men at bars if I had the intention of chatting with them anyway. Otherwise, I would just politely decline and thank them for the offer.

For boyfriends, I switch it up because it''s not one person asking another anymore - it''s a team making plans. IT also depends on the situation because when I was an unemployed grad student dating a guy with a great job, he definitely spent more money. I did things like surprise him with dinner at his apartment. I also always said thank you anytime he took me out. Later, when I was employed and dating another man, he paid for our first two dates and sent me flowers. The next week, I showed up at his apartment with the latest guitar hero game (nearly a hundred dollars because it had a special guitar). I made little flowers out of consturction paper and taped them to the box, like I was delivering flowers. I do that type of thing for people I love, so I don''t really know who spent more money in that relationship. I think if both people in a relationship are generous, then it all works out. I''ve never "split the check" with a boyfriend, but just offered to pay once in a while or bought groceries for nice homecooked meals (which actually are more expensive than the restaurant sometimes) Also, what works for some does not work for all.


My fiance definitely spends more money than I do on our eating out, mainly because he always picks up the check on dinner, and I usually pay for lunch and breakfast. I don''t feel bad about this because a)he makes more money than I do b)I would choose not to eat out as much if I were paying for it, and he likes to eat out. c)I pay for other things D)it''s about to be "community money" anyway.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/29/2008 7:12:22 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier

Date: 12/29/2008 4:35:34 PM

Author: happydreams

I tend to think it's only fair that the women pay half of the time. It's nice when the guy will pick up the tab for extra things here and there, but in this day and age where most women work, there is no reason NOT to pick up the bill once in a while. Plus, I know many men think it is a turnoff when women expect to be wined and dined all the time. If I were a man, I wouldn't want to be used as a free meal ticket, I'd like to know that things are pretty much equal between the man and woman. But I don't complain if the BF wants to take me to a nice dinner once in a while.

This is an important point. I'm on a very heavy traffic male forum, and 90% of the threads about relationships digress into a thread about 'I wish my wife/gf/SO would offer to pick up the bill once in a while', or 'Oh, your GF pays once in a while? She's a keeper!'

I can see why that would be an important point, in many circumstances. In our own circumstances, we have a business which we run together, so all money really IS shared. We don't really have money coming in from outside...

Also, I guess it would come down to your social circumstances as well regarding the 'does she share'. All the Aussies I know (being an Aussie

) have been pretty forward-thinking about all this... perhaps we're a little like the norwegians, in that we seem to be most comfortable when things are framed in gender-neutral terms.
But often, I think that this means girls can get ripped off! (not on a first date or three, but further down the track)

I have only rarely had men offer to pay for me, and in those cases I have generally assumed they were making a play for ... well, something not so deep and meaningful! Until I met my husband in my early 30s I had paid every inch my own way for everything - and romantically, I think it meant I got taken for granted, really.

In a different cultural landscape, perhaps in a sea of carefully-coiffed money-sniffing expensive party girls, perhaps the 'paying my own way' thing would have been a refreshing change?

 

[AllieGator]

He almost always pays for things...not because of my lack of trying, but he never wants to let me pay for things. Occasionally I''ll pay before he gets the chance too, and he always feels bad. But my little feminist mind doesn''t want to have him always pay...but I have to say, I''ve gotten kind of used to it, and I don''t put up much of a fight anymore. But I suspect this will change when we have been together longer.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 12/30/2008 4:45:09 AM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 12/29/2008 7:12:22 PM

Author: LaurenThePartier

Date: 12/29/2008 4:35:34 PM


Author: happydreams


I tend to think it''s only fair that the women pay half of the time. It''s nice when the guy will pick up the tab for extra things here and there, but in this day and age where most women work, there is no reason NOT to pick up the bill once in a while. Plus, I know many men think it is a turnoff when women expect to be wined and dined all the time. If I were a man, I wouldn''t want to be used as a free meal ticket, I''d like to know that things are pretty much equal between the man and woman. But I don''t complain if the BF wants to take me to a nice dinner once in a while.

This is an important point. I''m on a very heavy traffic male forum, and 90% of the threads about relationships digress into a thread about ''I wish my wife/gf/SO would offer to pick up the bill once in a while'', or ''Oh, your GF pays once in a while? She''s a keeper!''

I can see why that would be an important point, in many circumstances. In our own circumstances, we have a business which we run together, so all money really IS shared. We don''t really have money coming in from outside...


Also, I guess it would come down to your social circumstances as well regarding the ''does she share''. All the Aussies I know (being an Aussie

) have been pretty forward-thinking about all this... perhaps we''re a little like the norwegians, in that we seem to be most comfortable when things are framed in gender-neutral terms.

But often, I think that this means girls can get ripped off! (not on a first date or three, but further down the track)


I have only rarely had men offer to pay for me, and in those cases I have generally assumed they were making a play for ... well, something not so deep and meaningful! Until I met my husband in my early 30s I had paid every inch my own way for everything - and romantically, I think it meant I got taken for granted, really.


In a different cultural landscape, perhaps in a sea of carefully-coiffed money-sniffing expensive party girls, perhaps the ''paying my own way'' thing would have been a refreshing change?

Lara, I am an Aussie too and I will have to disagree with you there, FI is old school when it comes to things like that (and so am I) I expect my doors to be opened for me, carry my bags, pay on the first few dates etc. When we first started dating FI (then BF) would pay all the time he even paid for my friend when we went out clubbing, dinner etc which I thought was really sweet when we were still getting to know each other and went on group like dates and he meet up with us

. It was actually those things that told me a lot about him as a person and impressed me way back then before I knew him as well as I do now.

After a few weeks we went on dates just by ourselves he would still pay for everything, my drinks, dinner, movies EVERYTHING mind you knowing he would pay I would make sure I would order the cheapest thing on the menu that I would actually eat. I felt terrible as I felt as if I was using him (when I wasn''t) so I made a deal with him that I would take him out for a nice dinner once a fortnight when I got paid he begrudgingly accepted I was a starving student then who wasn''t working and only getting $170 in student payments a fortnight so taking him out for dinner was literally half my money.

Now he still pays for it all when we go out, I pay on the odd occasion but he likes to pay it is just the way we do things.

 

[sklingem]

Honestly - the argument that "he likes to pay" is (a) an easy way out in many occasions and (b) none of MY male friends ever told me that they always liked to pay for everything - which makes me seriously wonder about the truthfulness of that statement. In many cases they just pay because they fear that not doing so would leave a bad impression, which (unfortunately) would indeed be the case after reading quite a few postings on this topic. Do I believe that some men just pay all the time because they are 100% committed to a traditional male gender role? Sure.
But that does not equate to "liking to pay" IMHO either. Just a few random thoughts here ...

 

[sklingem]

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM
I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and ''keep up.''

That is a good point and I also think that relative income matters. BUT! How many cases have you actually seen where the woman consistently pays for everything because she earns more ?????? Hm ... (and yes - some women earn more than men, though unfortunately not as many as there should be). IMHO tradition usually beats any of the other factors - including relative income. And I don''t like it one bit.

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/30/2008 9:50:55 AM
Author: rob09
Honestly - the argument that 'he likes to pay' is (a) an easy way out in many occasions and (b) none of MY male friends ever told me that they always liked to pay for everything - which makes me seriously wonder about the truthfulness of that statement. In many cases they just pay because they fear that not doing so would leave a bad impression, which (unfortunately) would indeed be the case after reading quite a few postings on this topic. Do I believe that some men just pay all the time because they are 100% committed to a traditional male gender role? Sure.
But that does not equate to 'liking to pay' IMHO either. Just a few random thoughts here ...

I think there's also a difference between somebody saying they like to pay, and somebody saying they don't want somebody else to pay. I know in my case, I've talked with BF about this a few times because I've wanted to pay more. It makes him uncomfortable. I think he wants to be more comfortable with it, but he's just not. I usually ask when we go out, "Are we paying together or splitting it?" (since I know he doesn't like me to pay for his). So instead, I buy things for him I know he wants that equal what I'd pay for a dinner (a season of his favourite show on DVD, a hat I know he wants, etc.). It also means we go out to dinner less. If I really wanted to, I'm sure I could push it, but I have no desire to go out more often if it means making him uncomfortable.

But I refuse to feel selfish for accepting a meal and reciprocating in other ways. Things don't have to be the same (in cases like this) to be equal.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 12/30/2008 9:58:22 AM
Author: rob09

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM

I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and ''keep up.''

That is a good point and I also think that relative income matters. BUT! How many cases have you actually seen where the woman consistently pays for everything because she earns more ?????? Hm ... (and yes - some women earn more than men, though unfortunately not as many as there should be). IMHO tradition usually beats any of the other factors - including relative income. And I don''t like it one bit.

If a man is willing to pay for everything, and a woman is willing to accept this, I don''t understand why it bothers you. If he feels like he''s being taken advantage of or the situation is unfair, he can stop going out with that woman.

I''ve never expected men to pay for my meal, and when I dated I always offered to pay, but if other people do things a different way I''m willing to accept that.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 12/30/2008 9:50:55 AM
Author: rob09
Honestly - the argument that ''he likes to pay'' is (a) an easy way out in many occasions and (b) none of MY male friends ever told me that they always liked to pay for everything - which makes me seriously wonder about the truthfulness of that statement. In many cases they just pay because they fear that not doing so would leave a bad impression, which (unfortunately) would indeed be the case after reading quite a few postings on this topic. Do I believe that some men just pay all the time because they are 100% committed to a traditional male gender role? Sure.

But that does not equate to ''liking to pay'' IMHO either. Just a few random thoughts here ...

Rob I asked FI is he likes to pay (I asked using those words) when we go out, and he truly does so it is not an easy way out in our case he genuinely does likes to pay.

Some men do like paying for their dates, other halves whatever the case maybe some don''t and each to their own.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 12/30/2008 9:58:22 AM
Author: rob09

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM

I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and ''keep up.''

That is a good point and I also think that relative income matters. BUT! How many cases have you actually seen where the woman consistently pays for everything because she earns more ?????? Hm ... (and yes - some women earn more than men, though unfortunately not as many as there should be). IMHO tradition usually beats any of the other factors - including relative income. And I don''t like it one bit.

I agree with what you said. This is our situation and ours alone. I earn less than my BF, but I do make an effort to pay my share. I remember the first time we went of a trip together and he got the hotel and I handed him a check for half. He was shocked, and said he wasn''t expecting it, but was happy about it. He still pays for most the meals on those trips. But I pick up other expenses. Restaurants often put the expectation on the man by putting the check on their side of the table. If that happens, he has his wallet out before I had a chance to blink. I think the wait staff are reinforcing that tradition. I often see this happening in the more expensive restaurants. It kind of puts the expectation on the man to pay. I have to tell him b/f it comes that I am willing to pick it up. Sometimes, he hands it to me. When we were in Vegas, he got the dinners, I got breakfast and the tickets to the show. We did not talk about it in advance, but I think it worked out pretty well and we paid our share. It does take me being a little proactive, but if I am, he is happy.

 

[fieryred33143]

I know someone mentioned above about not being fair to have to keep up.

I completely agree with this statement. My friend went into so much debt because of her boyfriend (now husband). He makes about 5 times as much as she does so when he would take her to dinner it wasn''t to TGI Fridays. They were going to Ruth Chris, Smith and Wollensky, Joe''s Stone Crab, and other places around Miami. One day he expressed being upset that he was the one to always pay for dinner every time they went out. So she started making an effort to pick up the tab. The problem is that he wasn''t happy going to less upscale places that she could afford. So when she would pay for dinner, she was dishing out $200 to sometimes $300. Her paycheck was only $600 so she used her credit cards every time. And sometimes she would tell him that she''s going to treat him to dinner and he would invite people to go with them!! So the bill would sometimes go up to $500!

To me, that isn''t fair at all. Now he ended up paying off all of her credit card debt when they got married but still...

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/30/2008 11:21:27 AM
Author: fieryred33143
I know someone mentioned above about not being fair to have to keep up.

I completely agree with this statement. My friend went into so much debt because of her boyfriend (now husband). He makes about 5 times as much as she does so when he would take her to dinner it wasn''t to TGI Fridays. They were going to Ruth Chris, Smith and Wollensky, Joe''s Stone Crab, and other places around Miami. One day he expressed being upset that he was the one to always pay for dinner every time they went out. So she started making an effort to pick up the tab. The problem is that he wasn''t happy going to less upscale places that she could afford. So when she would pay for dinner, she was dishing out $200 to sometimes $300. Her paycheck was only $600 so she used her credit cards every time. And sometimes she would tell him that she''s going to treat him to dinner and he would invite people to go with them!! So the bill would sometimes go up to $500!

To me, that isn''t fair at all. Now he ended up paying off all of her credit card debt when they got married but still...

Not. Cool.

The person that pays sets the budget, and they get final word on the guest list.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 12/29/2008 7:12:22 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier

Date: 12/29/2008 4:35:34 PM

Author: happydreams

I tend to think it's only fair that the women pay half of the time. It's nice when the guy will pick up the tab for extra things here and there, but in this day and age where most women work, there is no reason NOT to pick up the bill once in a while. Plus, I know many men think it is a turnoff when women expect to be wined and dined all the time. If I were a man, I wouldn't want to be used as a free meal ticket, I'd like to know that things are pretty much equal between the man and woman. But I don't complain if the BF wants to take me to a nice dinner once in a while.

This is an important point. I'm on a very heavy traffic male forum, and 90% of the threads about relationships digress into a thread about 'I wish my wife/gf/SO would offer to pick up the bill once in a while', or 'Oh, your GF pays once in a while? She's a keeper!'

I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and 'keep up.' He pays for more of the meals because he earns more than me. I handle the groceries for cooking, and do pay for some dinners. We are trying to keep things fair for our situation. Everyone is different, and everyone figures out what works for them.

I'm not talking about splitting everything 50/50. I'm talking about making a salary-based effort to pay for the check once in a while.

Which is exactly what you said.

It's the hope on the part of most men that a woman offer to treat them once in a while, when they can.

I think when expectations are placed upon men, they seem to recoil. It's the women who truly appreciate and do what they can to return the favour of the time and money spent on them, as well as the effort, that most of my guy friends find the most attractive.

 

[coatimundi_org]

Date: 12/29/2008 7:20:28 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is nice to do so if you can. If not, I would not stress about it. I mean, if one person has the money and one does not, how would it be fair? I might suggest things that are less costly so that I could contribute...and of course if we both were in somewhat equal circumstances I might think it works well.

Ditto

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 12/30/2008 9:58:22 AM
Author: rob09

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM
I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and ''keep up.''

That is a good point and I also think that relative income matters. BUT! How many cases have you actually seen where the woman consistently pays for everything because she earns more ?????? Hm ... (and yes - some women earn more than men, though unfortunately not as many as there should be). IMHO tradition usually beats any of the other factors - including relative income. And I don''t like it one bit.

I do. FI makes the majority of his salary during the winter (busy season) so even though per hour he makes more than me, I always have more money the rest of the year. So I''d pay. OR we''ll also go by whoever got paid most recently since we get paid alternating weeks which is nice.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 12/30/2008 3:37:45 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 12/30/2008 9:58:22 AM

Author: rob09

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM

I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and ''keep up.''

That is a good point and I also think that relative income matters. BUT! How many cases have you actually seen where the woman consistently pays for everything because she earns more ?????? Hm ... (and yes - some women earn more than men, though unfortunately not as many as there should be). IMHO tradition usually beats any of the other factors - including relative income. And I don''t like it one bit.

I do. FI makes the majority of his salary during the winter (busy season) so even though per hour he makes more than me, I always have more money the rest of the year. So I''d pay. OR we''ll also go by whoever got paid most recently since we get paid alternating weeks which is nice.

That is great. Good for you!

 

[vslover]

I insisted a couple of times while DH and I were dating, but he never liked it. Now I stay home and he supports me and DS 100%...and both of us are happy about it.

 

[ringless]

He does usually b/c he makes more and has his career, whereas I''m still in school and don''t make as much $. I do like to treat every now and then... he likes when I surpise him with it.

 

[SuiteLady]

I don''t think there is a right and wrong way. Just because I occasionally treat my boyfriend that doesn''t mean that he is NOT serious with our relationship and there is a snowball''s chance in hell that he will be. Just because some others BFs and SOs always treat them doesn''t mean that they are overindulged, pampered princesses.

 

[tessari]

When it comes to dinners and groceries we split it pretty evenly (sometimes I pay, sometimes he pays, sometimes we split the bill)...but when we are out with a group he always pays for me for some reason and he always pays for my drinks...it''s just how we do it.
Dating is totally different though...on first dates I have been on the guy has always paid. I always offer to split but it''s not a real offer and I would be pretty shocked if one of them had said it was okay to split the billl.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/30/2008 9:12:50 AM
Author: Deelight

Lara, I am an Aussie too and I will have to disagree with you there, FI is old school when it comes to things like that (and so am I) I expect my doors to be opened for me, carry my bags, pay on the first few dates etc. When we first started dating FI (then BF) would pay all the time he even paid for my friend when we went out clubbing, dinner etc which I thought was really sweet when we were still getting to know each other and went on group like dates and he meet up with us

. It was actually those things that told me a lot about him as a person and impressed me way back then before I knew him as well as I do now.

so you''re telling me I just got stuck with the ''dud'' blokes, right? Huh, typical! *sniffs* Perhaps the moral of the story then is - stay away from musicians and artists!! (My husband''s a scientist, and much nicer)

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/30/2008 4:32:50 PM
Author: vslover
I insisted a couple of times while DH and I were dating, but he never liked it. Now I stay home and he supports me and DS 100%...and both of us are happy about it.

Dont you mean.... that you support him 100% ?

Have to say, when I was serious about my career and working full time, would have really appreciated a traditional wife!!!

All the married men in my industry seemed well-fed and pretty well put together... all the senior women in that building, married or not, were badly dressed, bedraggled and harrassed! (and definitely unironed) , like they scarcely had time to open a soupcan when they dragged themselves home each night.

 

[katica]

Date: 12/30/2008 11:21:27 AM
Author: fieryred33143
I know someone mentioned above about not being fair to have to keep up.

I completely agree with this statement. My friend went into so much debt because of her boyfriend (now husband). He makes about 5 times as much as she does so when he would take her to dinner it wasn''t to TGI Fridays. They were going to Ruth Chris, Smith and Wollensky, Joe''s Stone Crab, and other places around Miami. One day he expressed being upset that he was the one to always pay for dinner every time they went out. So she started making an effort to pick up the tab. The problem is that he wasn''t happy going to less upscale places that she could afford. So when she would pay for dinner, she was dishing out $200 to sometimes $300. Her paycheck was only $600 so she used her credit cards every time. And sometimes she would tell him that she''s going to treat him to dinner and he would invite people to go with them!! So the bill would sometimes go up to $500!

To me, that isn''t fair at all. Now he ended up paying off all of her credit card debt when they got married but still...

It''s only fair that he paid off her card after forcing her to go into so much debt. IMO if one person insists that the bill be split, then the choice of venue should be made keeping both persons'' income in mind. That is basic human decency. I have friends with good incomes (like mine) and friends who are still struggling. So when we meet up to go out there is no way I would insist on an expensive place when I know the other person can''t afford it. Also that whole thing with your friend''s boyfriend (husband) inviting others out on her dime (assuming she only offered to treat him in the first place)? That''s not right.

 

[katica]

Date: 12/30/2008 10:16:33 AM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 12/30/2008 9:58:22 AM
Author: rob09

Date: 12/29/2008 8:21:40 PM

I used to think this way until I met my BF, he does not agree that paying half is fair. I think he brings up some good points. He thinks if the couple earns an uneven income, than things should be divided up by income. That way the lower earner is not hurting to try and ''keep up.''

That is a good point and I also think that relative income matters. BUT! How many cases have you actually seen where the woman consistently pays for everything because she earns more ?????? Hm ... (and yes - some women earn more than men, though unfortunately not as many as there should be). IMHO tradition usually beats any of the other factors - including relative income. And I don''t like it one bit.

If a man is willing to pay for everything, and a woman is willing to accept this, I don''t understand why it bothers you. If he feels like he''s being taken advantage of or the situation is unfair, he can stop going out with that woman.

I''ve never expected men to pay for my meal, and when I dated I always offered to pay, but if other people do things a different way I''m willing to accept that.

I agree with you. I also don''t think that one size fits all. Each relationship is different and to each their own. It doesn''t bother me when other women pay for their dinner so it shouldn''t bother anyone when the man pays.
Some people are just more traditional than others and there''s nothing wrong with that.

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/30/2008 5:30:29 PM
Author: SuiteLady
I don''t think there is a right and wrong way. Just because I occasionally treat my boyfriend that doesn''t mean that he is NOT serious with our relationship and there is a snowball''s chance in hell that he will be. Just because some others BFs and SOs always treat them doesn''t mean that they are overindulged, pampered princesses.

Haha, thanks SuiteLady. Definitely felt like it was being implied that I fell into the latter category. It got my hackles up a little bit.