Hey Ladies - I am new here!! - yikes!! long

[penniepie25]

Hi Ladies,

Just some background on me first!!

I am 25 years old and my bf is 26 - we have been together what will be 2 years this June!

We currently live with our parents waiting for our home to be built!! YIPEEEE!!

We have definatly had our tough time in the relationship - moments of frustration, insecurity and rough patches but non the less our love is quite strong and we get through it and have a HUGE amount of love and respect for one another. My bf IS everything to me

So here is our story - we bought a home - so naturally i am starting to get that engagement itch!! im sure you all know what im talking about! We have talked - he is fairly easy to talk about when it come to the E or M word...and says that no matter how much i talk about it or mention it it can neither pressure him nor cause him to hold back if he is ready!

So he knows what i like - He knows what i dont like - lol and i have forwarded him pics and left most if it up to him

As of a few weeks ago the topic of E came up again - this time with him asking if i like our friends engagement ring - in which i did but told him it wasnt what i would choose for me and he replied with that he knows the kind i like - then he made some joke like it will happen in 4 years - HA! NOT A JOKE! i made it clear that was NOT funny!! LOL

He then said that "Belive me IT WILL happen - but its just...you know..." And "you know" is us arguing alot lately...

My bf has been through a lot and has some hard moments with his eldest brother and drug abuse and sometimes this add to our coflict frustartions and this gets him frustrated and our small arguments turn to frustrations that turn to BIG fights

So i have to accept the fact that he isnt ready because of this reason - and i dont blame him - so i move on and i put extra efforts into better communication!

So this leads us to Last weekend - Another frustrated night for him - which lead him to storm out on me....i couldnt take it - i thought about our home and him becoming so frustrated and about if he isnt happy with me or us he will NEVER propose and i am ready to be commited to someone! - So i told him thats it! - if we can move forward cause u arnt happy and i frustrate you that much we will never be engaged and we will never be "stable enough" for you to want to ask - i say we move on!!!!!

Anyways - the dust settled - he took some time and so did i and he came to me, arms wide open and told me that sometimes he gets too frustrated for no reason, and him getting mad and has nothign to do with delaying an enagement and that he has been thinking about "when and how" he is going to ask me.....

- i was sooo happy to hear that from him!!

Ever since i have been with my bf i have suported him through problems i have never ever in my life knew how to handle and it meant so much to me to know he wants me in the long run and i am just simply sometimes the closest one so i get the brunt of alot of it....he promised to END the frustrations against me and told me IT WILL HAPPEN....

I am a bit insecure with this.....i mean when he asks me it will be the happiest day of my entire life i love this man with every ounce of my body mind and soul...but a part of me is still a bit worried if he will ever be ready cause he think he argue too much at times

Do any of you couple argue a lot ?

OH and ps he has said about 4 times "how do you know i dont already have the ring" - could it be true??????

We have gone to try on rings, i have been sized and he knows what style i like....

OH and one more thing - just when i think he may have a ring or preparing to buy one he says he would like to go back to school part-time and wanted to know if i would be ok with that since we are partners (life partners I ofcourse say YES! i would love him to do what he loves and get some extra education - but does this cut into the engagement timeline - could it delay it

Might i also add - he is a darling - he would do anyting for me and has told me many times that he would be lost without me. He send me flowers, makes me laugh, grabs my hand and any oppertunity and tells me he love me all the time (with a forhead kiss

)

Anyways thats my story nice to meet you all!!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Have you considered couples counseling/premarital counseling? I''m a big advocate of it (former psych major and I also know a lot of couples who''ve benefitted greatly). I don''t mean to offend. It''s just that you sound a bit insecure in the relationship itself. Getting engaged may not make that insecurity go away, and then you''re heading towards a marriage with insecurities that can eat away at you.

There''s nothing wrong with working through some things with a third party. Some outside perspective can be just what you need. And they can teach you both effective coping techniques, etc. Often people just need to learn how to confront issues effectively, ''fight fair'' and such.

SO and I plan to go someday as well. We don''t have any major issues, even-- we have a great relationship and we want to do everything we can to make sure that we have a great marriage as well. I think anything you can do to strengthen the foundation of your relationship is a good thing.

 

[Lauren8211]

EVERYBODY argues -- the most important thing is that you''re right there after you cool down to work it out with the other person. If you feel like you''re arguing a bit too much, then maybe engagement isn''t a good thing right this minute. Work on your communication a bit, and you''ll probably be good to go

Thinking about engagements and marriage puts EVERYONE on edge, so if its on both of your minds, that could definitely cause some tension. Just make sure your feelings are heard. If you trust him, you won''t have to worry about if, you only have to worry about when.

And, of course, counseling never hurts. Sometimes its good to get another opinion on what''s going on.

Good Luck!

 

[penniepie25]

hey,
Thanks for responding - sure i think thats a fantastic idea....

We are very caring and wonderful to eachother we just butt heads alot!! LOL - we are the same star sign and tend to run in ciricles during an argument cause we argue both the same way! LOL

But regardless we are looking to be engaged soon and already have our future planned as we bought a home i just hope its soon!!! WAITING.....

 

[sklingem]

I concur with the idea of trying to work on some of your relationship problems. After reading your post I could not help but wonder whether you are starting at the wrong end, i.e. buying/building a home before taking care of the basics, including the quality of your relationship. Just my two cents ... in any case I am keeping my fingers crossed for you guys.

 

[penniepie25]

Well we bought our home 7 mths ago - the arguring rut has been recently!! - Maybe its all the stress of the next few bigs steps coming up!

 

[KCCutie]

You know I think when people are stressed out or have something big on their minds they argue more. You''re not only buying a house you''re building one. I''m sure that has put some extra strain on things weather you realize it or not.

Think about what you argue about. Is it little things like habits that annoy you or is a big things like money. If its little things than working on communication will help a lot, if it''s big things you may want to go talk to someone if you are church people maybe your pastor can meet with you or you can find a couples therapist you both like. I think everyone should do couples therapy/marriage counseling before taking a big step like that and if doing yours now will make you feel more secure then just do it. My parents are actually one of the couples at their church who do the marriage class/counseling and it really is helpful. Even though I''m not as religious as they are I plan on doing the counseling with my SO before we tie the knot.

Sounds like he just might already have the ring, but who knows maybe he is also just trying to throw you off.

My SO does the same thing bringing up school, or moving out of state when we already have plans to move in together and save for a house here. I always get a little twinge of "what is he thinking?" when he brings that stuff up but I''ve come to realize he''s just seeing if I like the idea. Maybe your SO is doing the same thing. The next time the subject of school comes up make sure you tell him how you feel. Tell him that you absolutely want him to do it but ask him how he sees it fitting into the time-line of the house engagement, marriage. Maybe he wasn''t even thinking about doing it till after you are married or maybe he hasn''t thought about it yet....either way it''s good to talk about it and think it through together.

 

[penniepie25]

Thanks for the support guys!!! - I do have to say that i am very excited to call him my husband one day....my gut feeling is that he is throwing me off with saying he already has my ring maybe - I dont think he does cause i do think he would go to his mom and her and i talked (we havea fantastic relationship - i really look up to her since my mom passes) and she said he hasnt mentioned shopping for one to her yet!! tricky tricky - but he did say he has been thinking about how he will ask me alot lately AND has asked me a few times if i would say yes!! LOL SILLY ofcourse!

 

[Just_Me]

Welcome!

So sorry about the arguing. I second the pre-marital counseling. My BF and I hardly ever argue and we are still planning on going to pre-marital counseling. It is just a good idea IMO.