Hi, I''m new here

[Mandarine]

hehehe you are funny!

Have a great night!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 5/4/2006 7:44:50 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Aww, I''m sorry your day''s been less than fantastic, too. I got so disappointed in myself this morning when I realized I was getting *antsy* again. Thought I''d gotten past that point. Haha. I go one week and think I''m *fixed.*

Maybe part of it is because we did have to miss a weekend, and I miss him more. I don''t know. I just hate it because I know he hears it in my voice, and he gets frustrated when I''m like this. I don''t do it intentionally. It just happens. I can''t ''snap out of it,'' it just has to go its course. I don''t doubt it, I''m just tired of feeling like I''m waiting for our life to start. Not that life''s not going on now. I know it is, and I do enjoy where we are in our relationship. Argh. I''m just grumpy, I guess.

Good luck on having a better tomorrow, Mandarine.

WOW could not have said it any better than that! Yea I have a life right now full of classes and learning and my young life and bla bla bla bla BLECH! I want to start my real life of being a true adult on my own with a regular 5-5 job and a place to call my own and for him to be in the same derned state as me! I am so sick of going through the motions right now!

I also had a pooptastic day, week really. Work wasn''t too bad today but it was exhausting and then I come home only to get in a fight with my mom. Just fabulous. And I have my monthly friend so I am feeling great physically too

Well tomorrow is Friday so I have to try and cheer up. I am taking one of "my kids" to the elementary school carnival which will be a lot of fun. It is the same school I went to and it is just fabulous to see all my old teachers and everything. Plus Jojo will cheer me up no doubt.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Oh and how could I forget, I have to make that lemon pie this weekend

 

[Mandarine]

great.....ended my night on a poop note...

fighting with BF

...oh yes, you guessed it...mom-related issues.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Is the lemon pie thing an inside joke? I have heard mention of it in threads.

Happy news, tomorrow is getting closer. I''m hoping we all wake up less grumpy/pooptasticy/grrry on Friday. It is the first blink of the weekend. Yay!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh Mandarine, I'm sorry. Believe me when I say I *know* the stress that can go into trying to work with difficult mothers. I think I remember from a previous thread that you were given a list of books to look into. Have you found anything helpful from them? Just wondering; it sounds like he *wants* to make the situation better. That in itself is positive!

How close do you live to her? Do you two, once married, plan on being close to her? Sometimes a bit of physical distance can help with cutting the apron strings/ letting a mother know meddling isn't needed or really appreciated anymore.

I hope you have a happy weekend! And have you enjoyed your first full week of being a new age? I still seem to fall into that 5 year old view that a new year holds something magical. At least for a week or so.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Oh Mandarine I''m sorry hun! When I first read it I thought you meant me saying pooptastic had made the ending of your night worse and sitting here thinking huh?

But I get it now

I heard that word on another thread and its my new fave.

Fisher yes the lemon pie thing is a PS joke. You learn about it slowly as you see it more and more. THese days when threads get touchy or out of control, it is brought up, "would any one care for some lemon pie?" Mara could explain it I don''t really know all the background but I know it has a history. So ever since I have gotten into the whole game/joke I have been craving it

 

[Mandarine]

well...as far as the new age...nothing feels different...except I can''t breath because I''ve had a terrible cold all week long!

As far as distance...she lives very close to me...but we both live far from him. I don''t think once we are *together* she will keep more of a distance...it''s her only son and I understand she wants to be close to him....but I agree that physical distance would be the best solution!.

I haven''t looked into any books yet but will this weekend. I''m not going to see him now until Sunday so I guess Saturday I will hit the bookstore!.

Tomorrow will be a new day...I hate fighting though...

I can''t go to sleep like this (and I think you can never go to sleep being mad). So I will call him back so we can say good night nicely and hope for a good weekend.

Good night girls!!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I agree about the not sleeping well when you have a scuffle. It makes for a fitful sleep for me. I hope things get better with your next talk, and that tomorrow finds you feeling much better, physically and emotionally.

Friday, Friday! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.


Anchor, are you still on cloud nine about the cute things your boy said this week? I am, for you!

And happy early birthday to you, in case I don''t remember on Saturday. I''m good like that.

 

[Blenheim]

Mandarine, I''m sorry that you''re having more FMIL trouble. Did you have your birthday to just the two of you, at least?

Fisher, I know what you mean. In the next month, I will (hopefully) get engaged, graduate from college, move to another state, and move in with my boyfriend. That''s a lot. And while I''m looking forward to it, the sheer amount of change is a little overwhelming. I''ve gotten a little testy at times lately because of that. (Well, also I''ve been on some drugs that make me really emotional but they get swelling down, which is good.)

Lemon Pie. I''m going to try to tell you the history, from memory, but I might botch things. Hopefully someone will correct me. There are a lot of people here who say that they like warmer diamonds. There are also people who are willing to "sacrifice" on color so that they can get better clarity, larger size, etc. We all know that Mara''s a size whore, for example.

Someone started a thread trying to figure out if they really like warmer diamonds, or if they''re compromising so that they can get more for their money in other areas. They asked if they could get either a D or, say, a G color diamond for free, all else being equal, which they would choose? They figured that people who really preferred warmer diamonds would go for the G, and that if they were just compromising they''d go for the D. Well, some people started saying that they''d take the D and then trade it in for a bigger G. Eventually, somebody started comparing it to pie. If you were at a fair and had your choice of lemon pie or (some other type, I forget - kiwi?) pie, you''d choose which one you prefer. And if you chose lemon and then traded it in for kiwi, then you didn''t really want lemon to begin with.

Since then, the same analogy hasn''t exactly held when lemon pie is mentioned. I think that it''s been brought into some heated debates to kind of diffuse things. Like, we can have our disagreements but at the end we can still all be friends and eat lemon pie together.

 

[Blenheim]

Okay, I dug up the original lemon pie thread and checked to make sure that it''s safe. It''s pretty long, but here it is if you want to read it in its entirety: okay... to settle the colorless vs the near colorless topic....

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh, thanks Blenhiem. That makes a bit more sense. I don''t know where I''d fall in that, since I''m not sure how I feel about color. I can''t really see the difference in colored diamonds, I don''t think. One time I did see one at the store and it looked like it had a amberish tint. I thought it was pretty. Still looked like a diamond. The ones that are pure white I don''t like as much as the ones that pick up different patterns of color. That may be related to something else, though.

How''s your recovery going? Are you able to get out and about? I hope it just keeps getting better and better, and soon you''ll be back to be-bopping around just as much as you ever have!

I want to be excited that it''ll happen this month for me, too. I did that in April, and it didn''t happen. So I''m a bit leary to think of it in those terms, but I know that when I''m honest with myself, I really am sort of hinged on it being a half birthday present, and without any suggestion of it by him. I''m a nut.

Well, here''s wishing you all a good Friday, and yeah, I hope next I hear from you, Mandarine, things have started to perk up.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Thank you so much Blen! I just about died laughing while reading that thread! Fish are heading out to his place this weekend? Have a great time! I always miss your posts when you are gone! TGIF!

 

[Mandarine]

Good morning girls!

I called him last night and just said good night "nicely"...we didn''t really talk about the fight at all anymore. I woke up today thinking I need to get some things off my chest. I talked to my sister and decided the best thing to do was to write him a letter (ok, an email

)...

So I did...I haven''t sent it yet, it is VERY long.

Pretty much explaining to him that I have two sides of me...th one side that feels in love and waiting, excited about the future!....then the side that feels worried about this situation with his mom and is not sure about *our* future...I was as honest as I could be.

So I''m working now, but I will re-read the letter before sending it out.

I won''t see him until Sunday so I will go to the bookstores, find some books and try to clear my head a little bit.

*sigh*

M~

 

[sk8rjen]

Mandarine -- I think it was a good idea to put it into words. It sounds like you 2 talk openly about everything, and sometimes even with the best of intentions we don''t make our complaints lovingly enough. I hope he gets the "two sides" thing and doesn''t think you''re a case of multiple personality

Im jk of course. Hope you find a book to take the edge off and gain clarity and mostly I hope you and your BF are back to happy.

I had a little tiff with my BF last night too--- after a really happy no-grr-at-all week, and that wasn''t fun. So I understand and empathize with you. (((hugs)))

jen

 

[Mandarine]

thanks Jen!...

I''ve revised my letter about three times...I''m not ready to send it yet. I guess I want to make sure I really say what I mean without getting off track and letting my emotions drive what I say.

Hopefully he will get these two sides of me...and hopefully we can sit down and just talk about it, without fighting.

Obviosuly the part of me that s crazy in love and wants to start our new life together is the biggest part!....otherwise I wouldn''t be with him, I just want to make sure the other part of how I feel doesn''t take over, we can control it and "minimize it!"....it really is up to him as far as drawing the line for his mom...and up to me to decide how to deal with the situation in the best possible way so that it doesn''t affect our relationship anymore.

I will keep you guys posted!

M~

 

[Mannequin]

And how are my Ladies doing this weekend?

Hope you are enjoying your Saturday. I WANT to go get a mani/pedi, but I NEED to grade papers. Such a conflict of interest.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Oh EQU double ditto! I am going the neutral route by not doing my nails or homework but making my grad announcements. It still needs to be done too!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I hope everyone''s weekend went well. Today was *cold.* Felt like I was back in February again. Crazy. I have high hopes for sun shine tomorrow.

We had our first counseling session. It was fun. We got homework, and I''m such a dork, it made me excited. It makes me happy that he''s enjoying the process, too. It''s good to know he sees it as important, too.

Wow, boat loads of people got engaged so far this month! Yay!

I''m thinking it won''t be in May for me, after all. We''ll see.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Hehe fish you crack me up. I would be excited about that kind of homework too! And as far as the whole not getting engaged by last month or this month, at least you have the sound knowledge that your boy did everything he could to make it by then and things out of his hands prevented him from doing so.

 

[sunkist]

Fisher, you and Paul went to pre-marital counseling? Can you perhaps tell us more about it? I know it's a private thing, and perhaps you're not even allowed to talk about it, but I'm just wondering what kind of questions they asked you and stuff. Please don't share anything you don't want to! I'm just curious and very interested

I read a book once called Finding the Love of Your Life, and it was written by a marriage counselor. It had a bunch of things you should think about and talk about with your SO before getting married and engaged. I thought it was very useful and thought provoking.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Sunkist,

Sure I''ll tell you about it. This was just the first session, so it was basically an overview of our relationship, struggles we''ve faced and overcome, how we did so. That sort of thing. What we struggle with the most. *Me* he''s not always as communicative as I prefer. *him* I''m sometimes more emotional than he knows how to deal with effectively. During the course of our relationship, both of these things have improved a lot, though. He''s pretty comfortable with saying how he feels and with being *sweet* in a verbal sense to me now. And I try to express my feelings without being overly emotional. Still, I''d say he''s improved more than I have.

We''d done a questionaire a few weeks ago on ourselves, and then on one another. So we saw the results of that, in graph form. There were a couple of surprising things we learned, based on that. He sees himself as much less communicative in general than I see him, regarding his emotions and feelings. That''s a good thing. It means he feels safer talking to me and about us more than he does in other regards. I also learned that because he doesn''t really *get* my emotional moments, it can sometimes make him feel like I''m being accustatory *is that a word?* toward him for not understanding where I''m coming from. I never knew he felt that way, and he never knew how to put it into words, he just knew it was hard on him.

So now we have homework to do. It''s basically a couple sheets of *feelings words* and we need to list a few people in our lives and how we react to certain situations when they come up. Then we do the same for how we react to one another, and how we feel when the other reacts in ways that we''ve experienced in the past. Then we''ll discuss this at the next meeting.

The session was really fun because we got to talk about how we''ve grown, ways we hope to continue to grow, what we look forward to in marriage, what we''re scared of. That sort of thing. And we''re going to learn ways that I can express myself without feeling like I have to take things *to heart* so much, and ways that he can learn to express himself without me feeling like I''ve had to beg him to talk about certain things.

So, this is primarily on communication. Learning our partner''s patterns, and modifying our own to help the other out.

It was good. On the way home, we just kept talking about how well the questionnaire nailed us, and where we are, and what fun it will be to learn better ways to work together when either of us is frustrated. I don''t know what all else is to follow, but the whole thing was really positive and I''m looking forward to the whole process.

Sorry this was so long. I think the Psychology major in me just really loves this stuff, and I figure everyone else does, too. Oops.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Ilovesparkles,

Yeah. I know, it''s crazy how things have been working here lately. He''s trying *so* hard, and this time, what he thought would be a standard brake check on his car resulted in stripped somethings *they hold the rotars in place* which left him with his car in the shop for three days while they ordered new ones. Then what would have been like under a hundred bucks ended up being *oodles* more than that. Needless to say, VW''s require a special part for *everything!!*

On a positive note, he now has safe brakes. He''s still been able to save up some, so that''s good, too. I''m trying hard to keep a positive note on it. It is getting closer and closer, and it''s good to know that the obstacles in making it official aren''t pushing back the wedding month. For that I''m thankful.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Mandarine,

I thought about you this weekend. I hope you and your guy were able to sit and talk and make headway. And I hope your weekend went better than the last part of your work week!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Yay! Just talked to Paul, and his computer got fixed tonight. Finally. It had some issues back in March, I guess it was, and just completely went *nuts.* He tried to fix it, had the Dell people assist him on the phone, and it got better. Sort of. But it still wasn''t right. I ended up taking my laptop down to him, so he could still do his lesson plans and grading. He got a new CD rom to have it get better, and we thought that worked. Then some firewall stuff locked it up again. Or spyware, I don''t know. Anyway, it''s been re-done now, whatever you do to make a computer all better. And now he has his speed back again. Without locking. Yay!

Now he''s thinking maybe he won''t be too frustrated with the internet speed and we can talk online again. That''s how we started talking, really. It''s sort of fun to do that again. Nostaglic or something.

 

[Mannequin]

Date: 5/8/2006 6:38:34 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
Hehe fish you crack me up. I would be excited about that kind of homework too! And as far as the whole not getting engaged by last month or this month, at least you have the sound knowledge that your boy did everything he could to make it by then and things out of his hands prevented him from doing so.

It''s a good thing I did go and get that manicure... see my new thread!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I saw it as soon as I logged on, Equ. EEK! Fantastic news, girl! Yay! I''m thinking your kids won''t be learning MUCH today, huh? Other than their teacher''s in love and getting married to a man who melts her. Oh, and that she has a prettiful ring now. Heehee. That''s enough to learn for a day, huh?

 

[Evie75]

I think im getting engaged this week on vacation!!!! LOL sorry to just blurb it out but i didnt know where else to post it..lol and im really excited but i dont want to get too excited..because I can be wrong, but ive been getting signs that indicate that it will happen. I really hope it happens, but i wont be mad if it doesnt... and i will still totally be surprised if it does... i have to stop thinking.

 

[Mannequin]

Evie, go get your nails done!

Hang in there, and good luck!

 

[Evie75]

have a nail and toe appointment today !!!

Oh i hope im right!! my biggest clue was a message to My bf from his best friend that said "vacation 10 days any word on the bling"

eeesh