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Date: 5/8/2006 7:00:58 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Sunkist,


Sure I''ll tell you about it. This was just the first session, so it was basically an overview of our relationship, struggles we''ve faced and overcome, how we did so. That sort of thing. What we struggle with the most. *Me* he''s not always as communicative as I prefer. *him* I''m sometimes more emotional than he knows how to deal with effectively. During the course of our relationship, both of these things have improved a lot, though. He''s pretty comfortable with saying how he feels and with being *sweet* in a verbal sense to me now. And I try to express my feelings without being overly emotional. Still, I''d say he''s improved more than I have.


We''d done a questionaire a few weeks ago on ourselves, and then on one another. So we saw the results of that, in graph form. There were a couple of surprising things we learned, based on that. He sees himself as much less communicative in general than I see him, regarding his emotions and feelings. That''s a good thing. It means he feels safer talking to me and about us more than he does in other regards. I also learned that because he doesn''t really *get* my emotional moments, it can sometimes make him feel like I''m being accustatory *is that a word?* toward him for not understanding where I''m coming from. I never knew he felt that way, and he never knew how to put it into words, he just knew it was hard on him.


So now we have homework to do. It''s basically a couple sheets of *feelings words* and we need to list a few people in our lives and how we react to certain situations when they come up. Then we do the same for how we react to one another, and how we feel when the other reacts in ways that we''ve experienced in the past. Then we''ll discuss this at the next meeting.


The session was really fun because we got to talk about how we''ve grown, ways we hope to continue to grow, what we look forward to in marriage, what we''re scared of. That sort of thing. And we''re going to learn ways that I can express myself without feeling like I have to take things *to heart* so much, and ways that he can learn to express himself without me feeling like I''ve had to beg him to talk about certain things.


So, this is primarily on communication. Learning our partner''s patterns, and modifying our own to help the other out.


It was good. On the way home, we just kept talking about how well the questionnaire nailed us, and where we are, and what fun it will be to learn better ways to work together when either of us is frustrated. I don''t know what all else is to follow, but the whole thing was really positive and I''m looking forward to the whole process.


Sorry this was so long. I think the Psychology major in me just really loves this stuff, and I figure everyone else does, too. Oops.
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Thank you for sharing, Fisher! It sounds like a lot of fun. And don''t worry about the long post, I am interested in this stuff, I was a psych major too! That is really cool how they visualize your answers on a graph. Seems like a great way to understand something. Well I''m glad that you two are doing this and enjoying it. I''ve talked to C about doing it too, and he said he''d do it. I''ll have to look into it more. Have a wonderful day!
 
Fish -- Thanks for letting us in to your first pre-marital counseling session. Please remind me, where are you 2 going?? When I was married the first time, we did pre-marital counseling, but it was only a few sessions and very basic questions. Nothing that ever would have helped us in the marriage. Ma dn I could use the kind of counseling you two are doing. I feel like we are aliens trying to communicate sometimes (someone else on here had an alien boyfriend...don''t remember who!) Anyway, we are great together when we''re great, but the arguments end up too emotional on my part and he gets easily frustrated with me these days. I hope he''d be game. Anyway, thanks!!!

Evie -- I hope you are right!!! May is just the best month so far!!

On a personal note, I talked to Mark T today and he said the turnaround time will only be about a week and a half once he has my diamond back
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I can barely contain my excitement!

jen
 
Hi girls!!!
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This thread has kind of become everyone''s thread Fisher!..hehehe...

How are you all doing?

I just wanted to give you guys an update. First of all: I''m in love
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...back on Cloud 9 and loving it!

Ok, so we had a LONG talk Saturday night. It was such a great talk...painful at times but SO good and just what I needed!!. He opened up about a lot of things that helped me figure out some of the things I had been doing wrong....I was also honest about the things that were bothering me and he was very open and supportive. I feel so much better. I know I can trust him and trust our realtionship....so I really feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders!

I bought this book called "The Truth Behind the Rock" has anyone read it?....it is so funny!. It looks like it was writen by one of us (LIWs!)....but it''s really helping me to relax a bit!. A lot of the chapters in the book don''t apply to me, but a lot od them do...and it gives a peak into the BF''s minds...really fun to read. I recommend it :)

I started a list of books I want to get. I have some that Ephemery suggested in my MIL thread. Do you guys have any recommendations?

Anyway, just wanted to say hello!

M~
 
Don't you LOVE talks like that with your BF? They may be tough, but they bring you so much closer in the end and help you to love eachother even more! I'm so glad you are moving in the right direction. I haven't heard of that book, but if it sounds like it's written by one of us LIW it must be great!
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Another book that I thought was great and that every woman should read is The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. First of all I think it's a cute title, but it really talks about the strength of women and how much influence we have on our husbands and our families and how we have to use this strength wisely and properly so that we are happy and he is happy and everyone is happy! Great book.
 
Evie, I hope things work well this weekend. And I hope your intuition is right. And I hope if it's not, that you're not crushed. I've been there, done that, and it sucks. You have a good plan to just roll with it! And if you do get engaged, come back and tell us all about it, please!!

Mandarine, I'm so glad to hear from you again. I'm afraid I've gotten a little *attached* to this place, and to the people. I was thinking about you this weekend, hoping all went well, then when you didn't post for a couple days, I was thinking, "oh come tell us all is good." I'm so glad it is!! I don't know about books pertaining specifically to weddings, or marriage, or the build up to that process, but "The Five Love Languages" is a great book, and it really helps you understand what you need and how you express love and how your guy does, and how what he does may not *mean* love to you, but then there are ways to work around those obstacles, too. I loved that book. Another book that got me through an incredibly *emotional* time in our relationship was "Dating with pure passion." It's more Christian in its standpoint, but has fabulous ideas, regardless of a person's feelings on the subject of Christianity. Unfortunately, I don't recall the authors, but I can find out, if anyone's interested.

Sk8rjen, we are doing counseling through our church, with our pastor and his wife. Right now I'm in the process of working on our *homework.* I have to list things that have happened in our relationship that have hurt me, frustrated me, that sort of thing, and how I feel/felt regarding the situation, and then toward Paul during that time. Number 1 on my list is this: Making timelines that don't get met, then having him upset at me for being emotional because of it.

Hee hee, yeah this has become a mish-mosh thread, huh? I like that, because I'm supposed to hang around in my own thread, even though I wander around a bit now. Within my limitations, of course.
 
Sunkist, you are right...those conversations might be painful...but SO worth it!!!

Fisher...I meant to check in sooner but I''ve been at my BF''s house until tonight so I didn''t really have a chance to post much
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I love this thread, hope you don''t mind all the thread-jacking...hehehe

I have heard about that book! "The five love languages"!....I''ll add that one and the other ones mentioned to my growing list!
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I''m not looking for a particular subject...just books that help relationships be better (even if the already are good healthy relationships!). I have a long list of the in-law problems...just to help me deal with my situation in a positive and healthy way. Other than that I''m really just searching for realtionship books in general. I have never read men are from mars women are from venus....but I might add that one to the list too
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M~
 
There is another one, sort of like the mars and venus book: "men are clams, women are crowbars." Something like that. It''s lighthearted, but so full of *great* stuff. It totally fits most typical gender issues regarding communication in relationships. And it''s funny, to boot.

I''m glad things are on an up-swing for you, Mandarine. A good talk can go so far in helping a relationship get its natural flow going again. Yay!

Blenhiem, are you doing better tonight, girl? I hope so!
 
Mandarine I am so glad to hear things are better between you and your guy. I too had a heart to heart with K last night and a lot of things got put on the table. Things that were really eating away at him and he had no clue. Nothing is really resolved but I think its all out there now. As scary as those conversations can be they are so relieving at the end and you feel so much closer as a couple.

Fish - I actually miss you now when you are gone for the weekend! Funny how we all can become so close while on the internet huh! Your counseling sessions seem to be going really good and thanks for sharing about them! Its getting me all excited about the prospect and actually has me wanting to go way back and change my answer on your poll from a while back. I am almost positive K will do it just for me even if he isnt interested. Well I really have to go finish up some school projects. TOmorrow is the last day of class WOO HOO! Wish me luck on my tweo presentations!
 
I''m just getting caught up here. I love the mish mosh of this thread. If I don''t know where to post something or if it deserves its own thread, I figure that I can just post it here.
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After our two appointments and numerous phone calls with Quest, I was back into ecstatic just-engaged mode. I just talked with J on the phone, and I''m feeling a tiny bit discouraged. J''s dad loves diamonds and helped him pick out the stone, and we were thinking that maybe we shouldn''t even tell him that we were switching it. I don''t want him to feel like he let us down or that I''m a really demanding girl who''s going to make J rue the day he proposed, or anything like that.
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Well, it turned out that because of J''s credit limit, his dad put the setting (but nothing else) on his credit card and J immediately paid him back. The place refused to refund the money for the setting until we had a physical copy of my FFIL''s credit card, so we had to let him know. In the end, honesty is probably the best, but it''s a little discouraging right now. My future in-laws honestly do not understand why we decided to get a different ring. Our priorities lay in different places. My first is cut, and it seems as though it''s his last. He was telling Jeff that he got me a better diamond than his own mother has. I assume that he''s referring to color, since it''s SI2 and about half the size of hers. But color''s one of the things that I''m most comfortable going down in a little bit. He also just does not understand that we can get a very similar diamond, only with a cut that I love, for the same price or less. He''s very concerned that J''s going to spend too much money. He''s not listening to J, and we''re wondering if we can really do anything other than show him the ring once it''s made and tell him how much it cost. I know that I''ll be happier in the end if we go through Quest. And J will be happier, because (as his cousin''s husband was teaching him on Sunday) "A happy wife is a happy life." Not that I''m his wife yet, but you know.
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I''m just hoping that FFIL doesn''t hold it against us at all.

Onto other topics...

Fisher, your post about your first day of pre-marital counseling was very interesting. I can''t wait to start for myself!

Books. Equestrienne asked me about this in another thread, but it''s kind of on topic here and it looks like she''s hanging out here too. I''ve read about half of The Conscious Bride, which is the one that I mentioned about the death-transition-rebirth phases of major life changes. My mother''s recommending Getting the Love You Want, which my parent''s marital therapist has told them to read. She''s lent me her copy.
 
Thanks for the book info, Blenheim.
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I am also finding Fishie''s posts very interesting regarding the counseling. I don''t know if we are going to do that yet, but I think it would be very beneficial. We talk so much and so deeply already most of the time, yet I think a little outside perspective never hurt anyone.
 
Also, my middle schoolers today were all pumped up over my engagement. They all clapped and cheered... until someone asked what my new last name was going to be. EVERY class did this, it was so funny. It''s going to be an 8 letter Polish name, not so bad, but to them it seemed impossible. I will forever be known as ''Mrs. G'' at school, hahaha.

We had dinner with my parents tonight, after visiting with his family. I also stopped to see my best friend at work to share the good news again in person. I''d like her to be my maid of honor, but I haven''t asked her yet. I am considering waiting until her birthday on June 12th to do something special with her present. Any suggestions? I''ll probably post this same question in a BWW thread soon.

Lastly, my bro was completely adorable tonight. He''s usually the sarcastic semi tough kid, but he was all excited over his sis getting hitched.
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He''s already talking about the bachelor party, the little stinker. On Sunday he was there when my fiance asked for my daddy''s blessing, and later Mom said that he was talking about wearing a tux and he even expressed concern over a destination wedding because he wasn''t sure about being able to afford to attend. Awww... He''s pretty sweet, for a brother.
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Fisher,

I know what you mean about worrying that you are being overbearing-- I found myself getting upset over something my sweetie said about rings today, and we aren''t even officially engaged yet!

I keep getting in a fret, thinking I''m aggravating him with wedding ''stuff'' and jumping the gun, but he just says he likes seeing how eager I am to marry him!
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I''m totally with you on the delicate solitaire e-ring. I want something that is elegant and tasteful, compared to the honkin'' clumps o'' rock I''ve seen some girls sporting.
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Equ, How cute what your kids said! Gotta love comments from little ones, huh? *Even though I'm sure 7th graders would dislike being called little ones, they really are.* Did you get any teaching in today? Or is the sparkle factor still hindering that process? Hee hee.


Speaking of rings, my friend from work who was married on April 29 returned to work from her honeymoon today. She didn't get her ring until the day of their wedding *can you imagine THAT wait?* And I finally got to see it for the first time today. It's GORGEOUS. I've never liked baguette diamonds, but this ring was so sparkly! She has a round center stone, and two baguettes on either side. And the wedding band is one of those bands that dips downward slightly to let it sit more flush, I guess, with the engagement ring. Anyway, the band has 5 baguettes going across it. Beautiful. She was shocked, because it was more than she thought she'd get. Said she feels bad she was so hard on him for being broke the 6 months before their wedding.

Ilovesparkles, I hope your last bit of school goes well! Good luck with all that. Summer is near, girl!
 
Mandarine -- glad to hear the good news!!

hope you are ALL doing well today
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jen
 
Well dang! Grr! Did you see American Idol? I was completely glued to the show, and then it was like *w*h*a*t*? I can't believe who went home. I started to say who did, but then I realized others not in my time zone don't know yet. Anyway, it was shocking. The person looked completely baffled by it, too. Interesting turn in events. This person's not my most favorite, but still. I thought this person would be in the top three, for sure.

Haha. Let me tell you guys about a semi-dream I had last night. You know the kind, where you're almost asleep, but you're still fighting between being conscious and not. Well, I dreamed that somehow I knew you all *or at least those of you who post often in this thread* and it was like the entire month of May passed during the dream, and every milisecond, someone else was getting engaged. And Equ's prediction that May was going to be a big month just kept repeating itself. Aye. I think I spend too much time on here.

Do any of you who have dogs ever hear them snoring? My puppy snores fairly often. It cracks me up. It's all quiet and she just looks so peaceful. Then every once in a while, an ear will twitch. She's snoring now, with her bone tucked under her chin, so no one can steal it, I suppose.
 
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you are killing me by that comment! I still don''t know who went home!!! I went to dinner with a very close friend of mine! (he''s gay...every girl needs a gay best friend!...he''s the best and I love him!!)...I''m going to the hangout now to see who got kicked out....I hope it wasn''t Chris!!!!!!!
 
Oh dear Mandarine, a friend of mine at work was planning on taking off Friday to go to a concert he would be playing at in Greensboro, where he''s from *or close to it* unless he was booted. She said she''d "just die" if he didn''t make it through tonight.

This week''s been pretty good as far as pre-engagement psychosis goes. I have to find other things to post about, instead. Since I have to wait til June now, though, I suspect I''ll have my arghy moments still.

Anyway, those of you wrapping up another school year, congratulations!

This little girl''s going to go sleepy.
 
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Chris went home?????? are you kidding me???? I missed it!!!!!!!!
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Oh noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I loved the bald eagle
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*sigh*....Fisher have a good night!!!!....sometimes I wish us girls could go out for coffee or a glass of wine!

M!
 
Sparkle factor is still killing me, Fishie. I''ve barely eaten or slept in two days due to excitement.
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I am gradually telling the teachers in my building one by one, since I didn''t want to email news like this (seemed too impersonal for the people I really wanted to tell). Everyone has just RAVED over my ring when they first see it. They can''t get over how gorgeous it is and how bright and sparkly it shines. Me neither, for that matter!
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I''ve probably cleaned it a good half dozen times already to get everyone''s paw prints off of it.
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I just uploaded new pics to my other LIW thread. I love love love it and I feel that I will be as in love with this ring in thirty years, it''s so "me." I hope all you Ladies have a similarly spectacular reaction and attachment to your upcoming bling.

I have a little venting to do today... Unfortunately only two days into everything, I sense a bit of something unpleasant brewing with my mom about this engagement already.
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I sent an email today talking about possible dates and asking about church/hall booking to my fiance'' (
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), my mom and daddy, and FMIL. The big stuff like that books so fast, and I want to start soon. FMIL responded with some ideas and an offer to help finance things once we get planning. My mom said she thinks I am rushing a bit, but also made suggestions, and she made a comment along the lines of "who''s paying for this?" as well. I responded to her comments, and to the payment issue, I stated that my sweetie and I would sit down and decide what we could afford to contribute before we requested any assistance. I also mentioned that there is a list in many versions that basically tells about how the costs of a wedding are traditionally split between the bride''s and groom''s families and that FI''s family had offered to help pay already. I got this brief little email back about how if I want to fall back on tradition, then she has "strong reservations regarding the Bride''s family hosting a huge traditional Polish wedding along with the cost associated with it." I haven''t even asked my parents for monetary assistance yet! Ugh! I hate how she has already jumped to conclusions.

I KNOW it''s expensive to get married anymore. FI is standing up in a buddy''s wedding next year as a groomsman, and this guy has been helping him and me figure out what to do and such in these past few weeks. His 350+ guest wedding will be at least $40K!!!!
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Geez... I would honestly be happy with a simple wedding in Vegas or a beach/resort/cruise wedding with a big barbecue reception afterwards for family and friends, but he wants the big fat Polish deal with the full mass, dinner at a hall, DJ, bar, etc. to show everyone that he grew up, that the geeky geography boy got the girl and made it big in this world. I can appreciate the sentiment and am willing to compromise as we get into planning this wedding soon. I fully intend to pay for as much as possible out of my teaching salary so that we can have the more traditional wedding that FI wants, but I don''t see how she can tell me not to rush and then turn right around and give all this advice on what to get, THEN say something like this which just makes it sound like I am expecting them to foot all costs.

I wrote back and said that since email doesn''t convey tone very well, I didn''t know how to respond to this comment she made without coming across as being unintentionally rude or ungrateful or pissy, and so I wouldn''t say anything else for right now. I left it at that. If she brings it up when I visit tomorrow, I''ll just repeat that FI and I have to figure out our own personal budget first before she starts trying to assume responsibility for everything. My BFF should be visiting with me while I am up at home tomorrow too, so I think I am going to ask her to be my MOH then. There''s a much more fun conversation to look forward to.
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Have a good night Ladies...
 
Equ, I think maybe your mom was just initially shocked. Weddings can be stressful, and maybe she just wasn''t quite ready to dip into the thought of the actual ceremony and reception and all that. I understand your desire to do what you can for yourselves. I totally agree. We have talked and agree that we would prefer to do this on our own, without causing any monetary stress for our parents. We''re not planning anything huge, though. And I''m sure his parents as well as mine will want to do something. Anyway, don''t stress over it just yet. You two have a nice plan and I''m sure once you know what you can handle, your parents will be settled into the idea of their little girl marrying, and they''ll be more calm, too. Happy thoughts!

So, I was just poking around, again, looking at diamonds I like, and sadness, one of the additional four we''ve been looking at has been sold. Not horrible, I don''t guess, since he can''t do anything until June now. It is always a little disheartening to see one sell, though. I''m still hoping another one will come up that''s in our original price range and 1/2 carat. A girl can dream. I think those two from before were flukes. Ah well, life goes on. He keeps saying he''ll make it work, not to worry. It''s hard. I''m trying. I''m also late for work.

Great way to start the day, no?

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Thanks for the good luck wishes fish! I only have one test and one long paper to write and then I will be all done until fieldwork starts in June which I am SO EXCITED for! I talked to my supervisor yesterday and set up orientation and she is really cool! Sorry to hear about the frustrations Equ. Hopefully in person all will be understood! Well I am off to work. Late start today because the kids I nanny, the middle child had a paraliturgy to do for shcool today. So on the way home she apparently asked mom "So is Amanda coming over right now?!" Apparently she would rather be playing with me then hang around while mom does housework
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" Love those kids! Have a fabulous Thursday everyone!
 
Does anyone know if it''s *tacky* to have stones on your wedding band that aren''t present on your engagement ring? My engagement ring will most likely be a round solitaire, and I''m wondering if I''d have to have rounds in my band. I really like the look of thin baguettes going horizontally along the band, but if my engagement ring doesn''t have any of that shape diamond, will it look bad?

I know I''m jumping the gun, but I''ve been thinking about it today, from having seen my friend''s wedding band at work these past two days. It''s lovely!
 
I don''t think it has to be tacky at all! It all depends on the style and design of the ring, if it looks like it belongs with your ering then it should loo just beautiful! Now I wanna know exactly what you are thinking of, pics? links?
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Um, I just looked around online, and I came up with a couple that I like. One of them is CZ, but you get the idea of the design, anyway. However, I don''t know how it would look with what I end up with, at all. I''m not very good at visualizing things, unfortunately.

http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=5092

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B000AXSH98/ref=dp_image_0/103-5306923-3341450?%5Fencoding=UTF8&n=3367581&s=jewelry

I will look for more, too. I just love the look, and I used to hate it. Something changed when she let me try it on. It was so pretty!!
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Hi ladies!!!

How are you?

Fisher you crazk me up...I can tell that you try so hard not to think about this, but you can''t help yourself! too cute!
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I don''t think it will look bad. Why don''t you try looking through the eye candy folder in the SMTR forum?. They also had a thread about wedding sets (E-ring+w-band). Maybe you''ll find something to help you decide?.

Have you thought about eternity bands? I think they look great w/ solitaires!

I''m still hot and miserable by the way.....but nothing I can do it about it!

M~
 
Mandarine, can you help me find that thread with the engagement rings and bands?

Thanks.

I''m still sending positive brain waves that turning it on and off will work eventually!!
 
I can''t paste links....but try this:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/show-me-your-wedding-ring-sets-part-2.42016/

copy paste that and tell me if it works
 
I guess is a 2-part thread...here was the original one

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/show-me-your-wedding-ring-sets.24091/

I love the channel band with the solitaire that shows there (third or so down)
 
Thanks Mandarine.

Probably I''ll end up asking my friend to let me try on her band with my engagement ring, once we''re finally engaged!

And I think I''m having another brain fart; do you two have a time line set for engagement?
 
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