tlh
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2008
- Messages
- 4,508
Actually my friend told her all the time he wasn''t ready but wanted it someday.. I told HER that meant he never wanted to marry her. They also broke up, after 2 years of dating. They were broken up for 6 months. The reasons they broke up - were never fixed. They reason they got back together, she loved him.. and he couldn''t find anyone better. They stayed together another 5 years. At one point they went ring shopping and talked about it more fervently, he told her he was ready... that was at year 5 total... another 2 years.. and still nothing... til he dumped her. Now I realize fully this is my friend, and NOT YOU. But here is the thing, I had to talk to my friend with white gloves... because she couldn''t TALK about it... and they talked together, and she thought everything was going okay.. just that he wasn''t ready to marry her. She was OKAY waiting. They WERE happy together... they didn''t fight, or have issues, apart from this really. You are here talking about your relationship, and seeking honesty, which is something my friend did... but she wasn''t willing to listen. I''m not telling you to leave him... no where close to that. But take sometime to figure out your dynamics.
Why did you break up in the first place? Have you honestly dealt with those issues, and have changes been made? or did you find you just missed him, and in comparison, everyone else you dated - just wasn''t as good?
I realise you love him, it comes through in this message in full power. Perhaps instead of discussing marriage with him, you could try discussing what it is that you love about each other, what it is that you cherish. I''m not sure avoiding the topic of marriage alltogether for any length of time really helps though... because I feel it should be an open dialogue.
But I really wouldn''t take my advice. I''m honestly a snarly person. I may have a giant chip on my shoulder, but I do honestly believe everyone and I mean EVERYONE with the exception of my mother is replace-able. Now this comes across a lot harsher than I intend, but I mean it - I have loved on many different dynamics, passion, emotional love, friend love - etc. And I accept that all relationships have a life line.. sometimes things die, like a metaphor for the relationship in addition to life itself... a friend leaves, you make new ones, a lover leaves you get a new one, etc. I think for me that acceptance that every relationship has its own course really helped me get over the loss of friends, loves, family members... and at my snarliest - you bet I told my now DH that I would leave him if he tried to keep me waiting. I meant it when I said I would leave too... and the actual THREAT (yup this chick did threaten her loved one) I gave him was that since we still lived together if he didnt propose I''d bring dudes over and mess the sheets. I meant that. I knew I had the capacity to love again... I also had the confidence in myself that I knew I could date another guy and find another great guy out there... I knew I wouldn''t be devastated without him. I would be heartbroken, sad, and horribly depressed, but I''d still go on. Yes I love my husband and I love him very much, but his excuse was MONEY to buy the ring... and I wasn''t willing to wait around for that, because there are rings out there for $.25 so I''d only buy THAT excuse for so long... and I''d be walking. I only tell you this, because my theory though harsh, has helped me to weed out losers and toxic friends as well as deal with loss and grief. It isn''t to get you to dump your man or behave like I do... trust me... people know what they are getting into when they are a lover/friend of mine... I lay it all out there and give it all I got from the get-go. But you have to be true to yourself. That is my point. WHO ARE YOU? How do you handle things? What is your style? Be yourself, don''t be ME or anyone else -- but take some time to figure that out - because you need to know who you are WITHOUT him - if that makes sense. You need two wholes to make a solid pair in marriage... not two halves to make a whole.
I wish you the best. I honestly do. HUGS!
300x240.png)