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how many chose 2nd best

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radiantquest

radiantquest

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 20, 2008
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2,550
ok, i dont want to sound spoiled here but i was just thinking about this ring that i have been wanting. i love it. i think. i think i love what it represents more than the actual ring.
we cannot afford what i really want so i guess i am settling for less. i know this sounds bad but since we got married the ering means a little less than it did before and i am begining to think that i may not be happy with it, but really have no choice.
the styles i would choose are completely different. i would like a nice solitaire, but i am getting a cluster type ring of smaller diamonds because that is in our budget. am i being a brat?



advice please
 
I certainly don''t think you''re being a brat! However, if you say that the ring is not that important to you anymore, perhaps you can wait a little bit, and save up some more $ so that you can get a ring you''re happy with.

From your post, it doesn''t sound like you would be happy with the ring you''re planning to get. If that''s the case, it''s not worth the money.
 
ditto to brooklyngirl. if you''re going to spend the money, wait and get what you really want. what''s the rush? you''re already married.
 
I know it''s tough feeling like you have to settle... but as you said, it''s more what the ring represents..

has the ring already been purchased?
I don''t know what your budget is or how much those cluster rings run.. but if you''re really wanting a solitaire maybe you can bring up to your husband the idea of just getting a smaller well cut diamond (maybe .50 cts or less), with the option of upgrading at a later anniversary when you are able to afford something that is closer to your dream ring.
Have you looked at WF or GOG to see if they have any stones in your price range? It''s nice cause they also have an upgrade policy...

just a suggestion..
 
I don''t think you''re being a brat either, you know what you like and don''t like and if you think you aren''t going to like the cluster ring now, then you probably won''t like it later either. I would save up a bit more money to get what you really want or look into alternatives like a colored stone solitaire.
 
I completely agree! Dont spend money on something you no longer want. I understand what you were saying about the ring holder a less material value prior to your marriage, and not its more about the actual ring not the marriage that comes with it. Its better that you were honest with yourself about it now, no? I dont think youre being a brat - youre being realistic and honest and maybe, like brooklyngrl said, waiting and saving for a ring you''ll love for its design and a symbol of your marriage would be the best idea.
 
I think you're being honest with yourself, which is a really good thing since you're about to spend some serious cash on a ring that you may not really want.

I don't think you should settle. I don't think you should go into a debt to buy a ring. Spending money on something you don't really want is just as bad as spending it on something you can't afford, in my opinion.

Now that you are already married and you two will be choosing the ring together, why not get your idea ring the old fashioned way--by saving up for it.

ETA: My hubby proposed with my dream ring. We chose it together, and he saved up long enough to pay for it in cash. The ring would have lost its luster if he hadn't been able to pay cash for it.
 
Ditto everyone else!
 
Wait and save up for what you really want!
 
I agree with everyone else. Why spend good money on something you''re not crazy about?
 
I think that in the end, you need to be happy with what you get--cost be darned.

So, if you cannot afford what you want right now...then prehaps you need to put the ring off for a while until you can better afford. The truth of the matter is, a woman will wear her engagement ring prehaps more often than anything else she''ll ever own, so it has to be special and to her liking.

Also, haven''t you been paying on this ring for a long while now? Prehaps you could pick a ring more to your liking and just move the payments over to the new ring?
 
In an ideal world, I would have a three carat natural green diamond. Oh, and a pony.

In reality, I''m really happy with my actual ring, probably because I''ve never thought of it as "second best," or of myself as "settling": you don''t sound like you''re being a brat at all, but that does sound like an awful way to feel about your ring! Do you really want to feel an echo of all that every time you look down at your hand? I''m going to ditto everybody else on this thread ... put the purchase off, and save up for something that will really put a smile on your face.
 
Ideally, I''d love a 2ct Tiffany & Co. solitaire.
It would NEVER happen. Even if we had that money, I personally (love Tiffany) but think they are too over priced.
So, I guess if the ring I''m getting is "second best" I''m fine with that. I''d rather not wait 15 more years to get engaged ;) all over a silly ring.
I do know that my ring will be an OEC
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and that''s more than "2nd best" to me
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Wait and save up! This is something you will hopefully wear the rest of your life! Make it something you will love and not regret.
 
To answer the question in your title - How many choose second best?

I think it is a matter of perspective. I wanted to be engaged with all my life and we got engaged with a 9kt ring that I cannot imagine ever choosing now-a-days. I still love that ring and probably always will. (Considering my age and status) I now have my dream ring, I always wanted a full whole carat, and like to have the best so it had to be a D. When choosing my e-ring and the 1ct replacement, I chose the best we could safely afford. When and if I can afford a 5ct whopper will the 1ct seem insignificant? Probably not. If I could have had my choice when we got engaged I would have loved loved loved a 2 ct ring, with a perfect proposal somewhere exotic. So did I choose second best? Does it matter.

In your situation - if you do not like the ring then do not go ahead with it. If you do not like it now then it stands no hope of standing the test of time and will be a waste of cash.

Second best? That is a whole can of worms, don''t open it unless you are unhappy elsewhere.
 
I would save for a ring you like and possibly think of getting something later on. Maybe this will put things in perspective for you, I would fall over if I got ANY ring! You are very lucky to be at that point where you both are ready for an engagement and ready to take that next step, with or without your dream ring.
 
thanks guys. i know that you are right. i just feel that what i really want is too much to ask for. i mean in these economics and he has a child already and i am not making what i want to be making i feel bad saying "the ring that we can afford and i said i wanted i no longer want, i want more." - maybe it is not as bad. i have not seen it in 2 months. maybe when i see it i will love it again. i think i am going to go visit it and see what i think before i make a decision. thanks again
 
I think it would depend if it your dream ring is reachable someday. We bought what we could afford within budget. I''ve never really loved the ring. It''s pretty enough, just not quite what I wanted. I do sometimes wish I''d simply not gotten the ring and saved for later, but what''s done is done. If you won''t get a second chance then just save and buy later.
 
Date: 11/18/2008 11:49:35 PM
Author: neatfreak
Wait and save up for what you really want!
Click to expand...

ditto nf.
For me, my ring is my dream ring and it''s what I wanted, sizewise and everything. I''d definitely save up and get what you really want.
 
Date: 11/21/2008 9:01:44 PM
Author: radiantquest
thanks guys. i know that you are right. i just feel that what i really want is too much to ask for. i mean in these economics and he has a child already and i am not making what i want to be making i feel bad saying ''the ring that we can afford and i said i wanted i no longer want, i want more.'' - maybe it is not as bad. i have not seen it in 2 months. maybe when i see it i will love it again. i think i am going to go visit it and see what i think before i make a decision. thanks again
Click to expand...
Sounds like a smart plan. Don''t try to force yourself to like the ring because you feel for some reason like you have to. Let us know how it goes!
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I second waiting and saving up! My FI and I didn''t have a lot of money in our budgets for the ring of my dreams either, but he purchased the stone, proposed with just that, and now a month later, we just had the stone set in a nice solitaire. Eventually I want a pave setting, like Whiteflash''s leago, and when we''re able to spend more money down the road, we will. Doing it in steps makes it easier for us and we still started planning the wedding right after he proposed. It was no less special for me!
 
I personally plan on waiting for the exact ring I want. I plan on wearing my ring everyday and potentially passing it on and keeping it in the family so it is worth any extra time it takes to get it.
 
Radiantquest - an engagement ring is not a legal requirement for marriage! (Though most people wear a wedding band). I would rather not wear an engagement ring than wear one that I didn''t care for. This says nothing about your commitment to your spouse. Engagement rings are an optional thing.

My first engagement ring (it got lost) I looked around and saw 1200-1400 rings (emerald with diamond sides) I adored but beyond our price range. Since we didn''t see anything in our price range I liked (I liked the stone, but not the setting, or vice versa) we ended up making a custom emerald ring with little 4 pointers on each side. I didn''t think of it being second choice because I got to pick out exactly what I wanted and the center stone was a really beautiful deep but clear green I loved to look at.

Some suggestions
a) waiting and saving up (say for an anniversary) for a ring you like.
b) consider other multi diamond rings that are in your price range but more your style, such as eternity band
c) look at colored stone rings with single large center stone.
 
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