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How soon do I really need to get my dress?

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espressa

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Sooo....our wedding is on October 9th, 2008.

Planning is going great so far: ceremony and reception location booked, photographer, caterer picked out and booked, save the dates went out over the weekend, our wedding website is done, and there are more things finished that I just can''t think of right now, lol.

And then there''s the dress. It''s that one thing that I have hanging over my head, freaking me out. I haven''t started trying on dresses yet. I do not WANT to try on dresses yet. I was initially very excited about dress shopping when I first got engaged, but that excitement is gone now. I am dreading it.

I''ve gained some weight over the past few years that I''m not happy about. Not a ton, probably 15-20 pounds, and most people would still call me "thin", but it bothers me. I found out last week that I have an underactive thyroid, and it is very likely that the medication I will be going on will make me lose weight. I''m eating a lot healthier as well, which should help.

I really feel like I need to start trying on dresses now, though. But I''m cringing at the thought of seeing myself in wedding gowns at the weight I am now. Also, my hormones are all messed up, likely because of the thyroid, and my upper back has been breaking out terribly for the past couple months. So, me in a dress at this weight, plus my currently gross back in all of those nice strapless gowns and stuff is making me freak out. I just want to cry. I have cried. I hate this.
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I was hoping to get a Maggie Sottero gown. How soon do I really need to start trying dresses on? Can I put it off another month and still be safe? Did anyone else go through something similar? Please help.
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It all depends on where you order it from. Just be sure you have it at least 1 month before the wedding. You may even want to add another week to a month if you think you are going to need some serious alterations. I would say the latest mid April... but that is only if the salon you order from is really speedy.

Maggie S's... you need to be conscious of the amount of bead work on the dress you pick, bc that could also add time to alterations.
 
I say do it as soon as you can, because that way you will have the most options. My engagement is only six months, and I went to try on dresses right away, but was told by many salons that a lot of my favorite dresses were not a possibility! So especially if you are insecure about weight, do it now, so you have more options.
 
Are you picky? Will you want to shop around? Will you want to order one or are you an appropriate size and shape for buying off the rack?

I too found dress shopping really stressful. Similar story. Had put on some weight, started an exercise plan about a year before the wedding, promptly seriously injured my knee and could do nothing. Also realized that buying used or off-the-rack was a horrible option for me, as there was very little available in my size and with extra length. Gave up on losing weight and hid from the dress shops until about 3 weeks before my knee surgery, about 6 months before the wedding, and it wasn''t as horrible as I had feared BUT I didn''t find anything right in those few weeks. So...

As soon as I could drive and kind of hop-along, I went dress shopping ON CRUTCHES. Finally found something twice budget that I liked but wasn''t perfect and my FI said buy it anyway. I was also between sizes, and I just bought it larger and took it in for the wedding.

Long story short, go shopping. Figure out what style looks best - something will. Even if its rare, you''ll need time to research designers and figure out what details you want/don''t want. Time is your friend. Order big and take it in. Seamstresses do this all the time and it is just NOT worth the stress or ordering small and planning on weight loss. Many of the Maggies, in particular, have a lace up back and adjust easily. You have time, but if you are picky or difficult or both, you should start now. Just go, it woln''t be as bad as you fear...
 
Date: 2/19/2008 2:46:06 PM
Author: cara
Are you picky? Will you want to shop around? Will you want to order one or are you an appropriate size and shape for buying off the rack?

I too found dress shopping really stressful. Similar story. Had put on some weight, started an exercise plan about a year before the wedding, promptly seriously injured my knee and could do nothing. Also realized that buying used or off-the-rack was a horrible option for me, as there was very little available in my size and with extra length. Gave up on losing weight and hid from the dress shops until about 3 weeks before my knee surgery, about 6 months before the wedding, and it wasn''t as horrible as I had feared BUT I didn''t find anything right in those few weeks. So...

As soon as I could drive and kind of hop-along, I went dress shopping ON CRUTCHES. Finally found something twice budget that I liked but wasn''t perfect and my FI said buy it anyway. I was also between sizes, and I just bought it larger and took it in for the wedding.

Long story short, go shopping. Figure out what style looks best - something will. Even if its rare, you''ll need time to research designers and figure out what details you want/don''t want. Time is your friend. Order big and take it in. Seamstresses do this all the time and it is just NOT worth the stress or ordering small and planning on weight loss. Many of the Maggies, in particular, have a lace up back and adjust easily. You have time, but if you are picky or difficult or both, you should start now. Just go, it woln''t be as bad as you fear...
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I worked at a designers flagship salon, we had to talk EVERY bride OUT of ordering small, bc they just "KNEW" that they were going to loose the weight... EVERY single one!! For some ppl it happens and for others it doesn''t, but please don''t order your dress small based on an assumption. It could make for major problems and serious cash, if it''s even fixable!! We had a girl that that decided to get breast implants right before she picked up her dress. As a business, we could not take on the charges for the added sizing, as she assumed we would... the dress was hers AS-IS, and she had to purchase extra silk from overseas to make it fit and still match the gown, and had to find her own seamstress to fix the dress. It''s just not worth it...
 
Thanks for the responses. I am somewhat picky, and I''m almost certain I will need to have something ordered. I don''t really plan to buy off the rack. Also, just to clarify, I wasn''t planning on buying a smaller size. I intend to buy the size that fits now and alter as needed.

My main problem with finding dresses that fit well is that dresses that fit my body don''t fit my chest. I''m rather large on top (D cup), and my waist, although not as small as it used to be, is still somewhat small. I''m around a size 8 to 10 on top (not counting the whole chest issue), 10 to 12 on bottom (depending on the designer) and I''m 5''7". But in order to fit my chest I need to go up much larger, unless the fabric is really really stretchy, so nothing ever looks right.

I was drawn to Maggie dresses in particular because of the corset back, which I hoped would solve a lot of my problems with things fitting well. I was also hoping that it would cut down on the amount of alterations that would be needed. I just hate trying on clothes lately and I''m afraid that I''m going to start crying when I put the dresses on and see what I look like.

I shouldn''t feel this way because I''m really not "fat" but I''m just not comfortable with my body as it is now. I had an eating disorder for several years, so I''m probably a lot more self-conscious than most people. I still can''t handle knowing my weight (I have to get on the scale backwards at the doctor''s office). I''m trying very hard to be healthy and not revert to starving myself. The wedding is making it much harder than normal, unfortunately.
 
I think you have plenty of time. Of course I bought mine from David''s (refused to pay too much) and walked out with mine. My friend is getting married in April and still doesn''t have her dress. That seems cutting it close IMHO. My other friend is getting married in July and JUST got her dress. Seems like a more comfortable time line.
 
I just wanted to chime in here. I totally feel you on not wanting to try on dresses because you aren't at the weight you'd like to be, along with other complications. I have about 40 pounds of extra weight on me that I've been having a problem getting off. I absolutely did NOT want to order my dress before I lost the weight, but was worried that I wouldn't have enough time, etc.

I just ordered my Maggie Sottero dress last Friday, and they gave me a projected arrival date of the third week of May. Our wedding is September 13, 2008.

I'm worried now that I'm going to loose the weight I want to and my dress will not fit right at all, but I've decided not to think about it as much as possible! Even though I don't like how I look right now because of all my extra weight, and then when I get nervous I break out, I have scars from a shoulder surgery that happened in November, etc... I felt beautiful in my dress when I tried the sample on. Because of the corset back, even though the sample was the wrong size it still looked like it fit from the front, and it really made my hourglass figure shine the way it should, even with my extra weight!

When you need to order it depends on what shop you're getting it from, and how much time you need to leave for any possible alterations. I feel better having mine ordered because I know that even if I loose those 40 pounds, it's not going to change my dress size a whole lot, so I should be fine. Technically according to the Maggie sizing chart, we should've ordered a size smaller than we did, but thats the size the sample was and it wasn't fitting right, so I didn't want to risk it even though I WILL be loosing this extra weight.

Id say go looking even if you aren't ready to order yet. What if you put it off another month, but end up not finding anything you love for two more months and then it's too late? You never know! So it doesn't hurt to look!

Hope my ramble made sense! Good luck, can't wait to see what you find!
 
espressa, I totally get how you feel. I actually had an overactive thyroid and have to have surgery, but I needed to get it under control before the surgery, and the medication I was on to get it under control made me gain about 20 lbs. I did go dress shopping then, and I did have a really hard time with liking myself in dresses. I went home totally disappointed. But I kept going, and when I finally found my dress, I felt totally great it in, which is how I KNEW I found the dress, because I felt beautiful in it even though I wasn''t comfortable with my body at that weight. So I say go dress shopping. Even though it will be frustrating and painful, the right dress is going to look great on you, and hte sooner you go, the better chance you have of finding it! Plus, you never know if you actually WILL lose the weight, unfortunately, so when you find the dress that fits you now, you won''t have to worry about if you won''t lose it.
 
I put off trying on dresses and now I''m having the hardest time finding the dress I want. Start you dress shopping now. If if makes you feel better, go alone until you find what you like and what you don''t like. Honestly, I don''t think the people at the salons even care about what you look. All the people I''ve talked to say they don''t even notice it anymore. I have found that the girls at the shop are very understanding, let them know what your concerns are and they will work with you.
 
Like most wedding vendors, bridal boutiques will stress you out, pressure you and convince you that you should have bought your dress yesterday. I bought my dress in March of last year for our September wedding and many boutiques said I was "pushing it". I refused any expedited service, though they said the dress would take 6 months because of all the hand-beading. Four months later, it was delivered, giving me months to spare and annoyed that they put so much pressure on me. Two of my friends were getting married the same month and ordered their dresses within weeks of me--both also ordered couture dresses and had plenty of time to spare.

I wouldn''t wait until July to order it, but you certainly have until April if you want another month to get to your normal weight.
 
Date: 2/19/2008 5:15:48 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I wouldn''t wait until July to order it, but you certainly have until April if you want another month to get to your normal weight.
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Right but you should start shopping now. Maybe not order now, but shop now. Mine too came in plenty early despite all the fuss and pressure, but if something goes wrong and you did not expedite it against the salon''s recommendation, you will be out of luck.

The key will be to find something that looks great as you are now, that can be altered to accommodate your shape. Anything that looks good now can be ordered in a smaller size in April and will still look good. And if having lost a bit of weight in April, you change your mind on the dress, the shopping will be much easier the second time around.

Given your body-type description, I assume you will have to order based on your bust size and then take the waist in. (What a fabulous hour-glass shape description!) If possible, ask to speak to a seamstress at the salon about dresses you are interested in, if they have an in-house seamstress. Ask them how difficult it will be to take the waist in (while leaving the bust larger) and if it will affect the look of the dress in the end. There may be some styles where this is not possible, and others where it is no problem.

Last, since you are number conscious, just be prepared for the bizarre sizing of wedding dresses. It is another world, not the usual one, so maybe you could ask the saleslady not to discuss it with you until you are truly ordering.
 
I bought my dress in January. I''m an October bride as well. I WISH I would have waited until February though when the trunk shows started coming around and the special ''free alterations'' deals happened. The reason I shopped in January was because I thought I was going to buy a Pronovias. Pronovias can take up to 6 months to arrive so I had to give myself lots of leeway. I also liked a dress from last season that was most likely going to disappear as soon as the new dresses came in. If you''re not planning on ordering something that takes that long to arrive then you have time to spare. My current dress will take about 3 months to come in. Add in 1 month for alterations so that''s four months. I''d give yourself 1 extra month just in case so about 5 months out. I also ordered my dress about one size bigger than what fit me when I tried it on. I don''t know if I''ll put on more weight or not when the time comes to try on the dress.

I totally feel you about weight issues. The problem is for people like myself my weight can yo yo up or down in the next 9 months. Since I''m at a good weight now I''m doing my darndest to not overeat and gain more weight. It''s so tough though. I wouldn''t put a ton of strain on yourself to lose a bunch of weight before the wedding. Just do what you can excercise and eating-wise. Last year I put on some weight, i worked out a bunch and I still didn''t seem to lose some of the fat I really wanted to get off. You can only do the best that you can. Also I hate strapless dresses as a rule. I have some burly arms/shoulders. I wound up getting one due to a very flattering neckline but there are so many gorgeous dresses out there with little jackets and the like that can make you feel less ''naked'' then some of the other ones do.

Also I had NO IDEA what would look good on me until I started trying dresses on. I had a totally different image of what my dress style was until I went to the bridal salons. Try on every different style you can, even the ones you wouldn''t imagine yourself in. You never know!
 
I just ordered my Maggie Dottero gown. My wedding is Oct 18th.

I ordered last week and was told it would be in mid-june.

That should give you an idea =)

Remember to factor in alterations/cleaning/pressing and such
 
I''m not quite sure why I have had such issues with this, as well, but I have dreaded, hated and pretty much despised any part of dress shopping, too. Like partyjewels, I was also trying to cover up multiple shoulder surgery scars while still trying to be bridelike and look elegant as I no longer feel like a spring chicken at my age and didn''t want to look like I was trying to be a much younger bride in whatever dress I ended up choosing.

If you have somehow missed my horrid trials to find a dress, well, you may want to steer clear! Thankfully, though, I did finally put an order in yesterday and was quoted 3-4 months while my wedding is 5 months away...I am in a bit of a panic about it, but I am trying to think positively that my dress will come in sooner than that.

I agree that while you don''t quite need to order a dress just yet, I would definitely go and look at dresses and at least get a feel of what you might like in a few months.

Just an FYI since you mentioned this above: I also thought a corset back would be ideal with my chest, which is my largest part, but some of the ones I tried with a higher corset back were very uncomfortable as they squished my chest and then could not be pulled in close enough to fit my waist, hips, etc... I was told the way around this is to pick a dress that had a lower corset back...meaning that it came up high enough in the front to cover my bust, but then the corset part truly would have been cinching my waist. I just couldn''t bring myself to go strapless or spaghetti strap, so I scrapped the whole corset idea, but thought I would post some thoughts on that! HTH''s!
 
Violet! You do not have burly shoulders!

Ok anyway, I was going to chime in here and mention that I have hypothyroidism as well, and the meds that I was put on were said that they''d help take weight off, but they didn''t. And it''s been a year and a half that I''ve been on them. So I wouldn''t count on losing any weight due to the meds, but exercising and eating better will probably help.

I had a horrible time when I found out that it was my jacked up thyroid that was contributing to my weight gain (culinary school didn''t help) and spent a lot of hours crying about it and being depressed, but I''m a lot better now and have way more energy and feel better. I also had an eating disorder when I was younger and it''s a horrible thing to start thinking about again, but I''ve done it too...

I would go shopping now and get an idea for what you think looks good on you now, and get some ideas as to what styles you want and how long they''ll take, and go from there. It''s better to order a dress the size you are now and take it in than buy a dress for the size you think you''ll be, and not have it fit. And they''re right, bridal sizes are screwy. If you''re sensitive to it, tell them you don''t want to know the #s and that you''d rather them just tell you the measurements or just order the dress according to the measurements.

Good luck. You''ll be fine.
 
Date: 2/20/2008 2:52:19 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Violet! You do not have burly shoulders!

Ok anyway, I was going to chime in here and mention that I have hypothyroidism as well, and the meds that I was put on were said that they'd help take weight off, but they didn't. And it's been a year and a half that I've been on them. So I wouldn't count on losing any weight due to the meds, but exercising and eating better will probably help.

I had a horrible time when I found out that it was my jacked up thyroid that was contributing to my weight gain (culinary school didn't help) and spent a lot of hours crying about it and being depressed, but I'm a lot better now and have way more energy and feel better. I also had an eating disorder when I was younger and it's a horrible thing to start thinking about again, but I've done it too...

I would go shopping now and get an idea for what you think looks good on you now, and get some ideas as to what styles you want and how long they'll take, and go from there. It's better to order a dress the size you are now and take it in than buy a dress for the size you think you'll be, and not have it fit. And they're right, bridal sizes are screwy. If you're sensitive to it, tell them you don't want to know the #s and that you'd rather them just tell you the measurements or just order the dress according to the measurements.

Good luck. You'll be fine.
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I fit in the sample size I tried one which they said was probably stretched out a bit. They wound up ordering my dress two sizes bigger. I shudder to think of the size that they ordered it sounds horrendous. I just have to tell myself bridal sizes are messed up! When I look at the sizes of the dresses for sale on the used dress sites I really shudder!

My shoulders seem burly because I have bigger arms. I'm saying this because for the life of me I cannot fit into normal cap sleeve type shirts. My arms are just too big around. I lost some weight over the last year so they squeeze in better now but seriously it was tough getting my arms into fitted jackets and shirts like that. Nearly impossible.
 
Still, I don't think you do, from the pics that I've seen.

I started playing tennis competitively when I was very young (first lessons at 2) until about 21, and I swam from about 2-13 competitively and my shoulders were HUGE. Compared to the rest of my body anyway. I was a size 3 with tiny hips, tiny waist and then my shoulders were about a size 7, and it didn't help that I had 32DDs...UGH. So I feel you.

But I still don't think of your shoulders as being "burly". Makes me think of a bouncer or one of those pro wrestling guys....hee hee hee.
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Date: 2/20/2008 3:42:47 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Still, I don''t think you do, from the pics that I''ve seen.

I started playing tennis competitively when I was very young (first lessons at 2) until about 21, and I swam from about 2-13 competitively and my shoulders were HUGE. Compared to the rest of my body anyway. I was a size 3 with tiny hips, tiny waist and then my shoulders were about a size 7, and it didn''t help that I had 32DDs...UGH. So I feel you.

But I still don''t think of your shoulders as being ''burly''. Makes me think of a bouncer or one of those pro wrestling guys....hee hee hee.
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Well I thought at least neckline-wise I looked chubbs wearing strapless. Thank goodness for the sweetheart neckline it saved the day! And thanks for saying I don''t look burly, makes me feel better!
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Thank you so much for the encouragement, and sharing all of your experiences! I''m feeling a lot better about this already.
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I''m hoping to start looking either next week or the week after. I have Fridays off so I planned to do it during the day, hoping the store wouldn''t be as crowded then. My mother is going to come with me and she can''t take off next Friday, but can take off the Friday after that, so I''ll see what happens.

I really appreciate all of you who have recently ordered Maggie dresses letting me know when they should be done. That''s fantastic to hear they should be in relatively soon!

Also, I didn''t know you could expedite wedding dress orders. If it seems like I''m cutting it close I will absolutely pay the extra money and have that done. Do any of you know about how much that usually costs? I''d imagine the cost changes depending on how much the dress is, but I''m planning to spend about $1,000 to $1,500 on the dress.

I had assumed I would have to order based on my bust size and then have the waist taken in, so I''m somewhat prepared to hear them tell me I need to order a bigger size than I would like. That''s a great idea though to ask them not to tell me what size it really is, and just tell me the measurements. I hadn''t thought of that, so thank you!

I do have an idea of what kind of dress I want to wear, but I''ll be sure to try on many different things, even if I don''t think it will look good. I''m somewhat limited though on the type of dress I can have because I''m having a destination wedding in Italy and will have to bring the dress on a plane. I''m not sure that I would be able to fit a really big or poufy dress.

Harleigh, thanks so much for mentioning the problems you had with corset backs. I hadn''t thought of that at all and will definitely keep it in mind when I try on dresses. I would prefer not to get a strapless dress but since it seems like almost all wedding dresses are strapless, I may have to just deal with it and either have some sleeves made or wear a wrap or bolero.

Freke, thanks for sharing your experiences with being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. To be honest, I''m not overly upset about it since the reason I found out was that I stopped having periods and was very concerned that there was something much more serious wrong. We definitely want to have children and I was terrified they would tell me I was becoming infertile or something. The women in my mother''s family have a lot of gyno-related problems. It was actually very good to hear that what was wrong with me was something that could be treated. I''ve been suffering from a lot of fatigue as well, and I''ve had depression for many years, so it''s likely that going on the medication will help those things as well. The hope of losing weight is just an added bonus, lol. I''m not going to count on it, but it would certainly be nice.
 
Espressa,

I totally know how you feel. Dress shopping was actually borderline traumatic for me. I am heavier than I have been before and working on getting the weight off - but working 14-hour days and moving across the globe hasn''t helped me these past few months. I really hated trying to squeeze into sample sizes - just hated it.

BUT as part of the process, I tried on about 16 dresses. I started to learn what styles complimented my figure - what worked with me, rather than what just covered me up. I am also getting married in October, and I picked out my "for keeps" dress (my first one will be sold - hopefully - once it comes in) just a couple of weeks ago. I would advise you to bite the bullet and start looking now. Go by yourself if it would make you uncomfortable to try gowns on in front of others - I had the hardest time with that. But if you start now, you can start to learn what works for you and what doesn''t. GOOD LUCK!
 
Thanks, Krissie. I''m sorry dress shopping was such a bad experience for you. It''s nice to know I''m not alone in feeling this way, though.

I saw your posts about your dress and your new dress is absolutely gorgeous! The first one was very pretty too, but the second is a knockout.
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So, changing the topic a little bit, but I''m wondering if I absolutely need to wear a strapless bra to try dresses on or if I can get away with a regular bra and just tucking the straps in for now. I don''t have any strapless bras in my current size, so I would need to buy one just for this.
 
Good question! I was struggling with this after my experience in a very ill-fitting bra from the bridal shop, so when I went last Sunday, I wore a cheap bra I got at Target that has clear straps and a clear little piece in the center between the cups...it worked like a charm, even when I tried on some strapless dresses, and I don''t think anyone was able to tell I had a regular bra on. Give it a try...I wouldn''t necessarily spend the money on one until you know what kind you''ll need for your own dress.
 
Thanks, Harleigh. I''ll see what I can find.
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By the way, the latest issue of Brides magazine not only has a big selection of dresses under 1k it actually has a lot of great pictures of fuller (aka real sized) women. It showed a lot of complimentary styles for women that may not be teeny tiny.
 
In a previous similar thread, the consensus was 6 months or more, if you can. I ordered my dress 9 months out and it only took 3 1/2 months to come in, but some designers take more time. I''m going to pick it up next weekend (eep!) at 5 months, so I''ll have plenty of time to get it altered and such.
 
Thanks, violet and anchor!

I''m going dress shopping on Friday, and I''m actually excited about it! I''ll let you all know how it goes.
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Date: 2/26/2008 4:49:18 PM
Author: espressa
Thanks, violet and anchor!


I''m going dress shopping on Friday, and I''m actually excited about it! I''ll let you all know how it goes.
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Don''t forget your camera!
 
I''ll definitely remember the camera when I go dress shopping, gtn. Thanks for reminding me, though!

Unfortunately, I won''t be going dress shopping this Friday after all.
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It''s going to be next Friday instead, since my mother took off work yesterday and can''t take off this Friday now. But I''m not too upset about it, I figure it gives me another week to try and lose a little bit of weight, and I got some stuff for my back from my doctor which is helping a lot, and it should be much better by next Friday.
 
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