I have a daaayyyyyte... I have a daaayyyyyte

[treefrog]

Date: 4/28/2010 1:40:09 PM
Author: janinegirly

Date: 4/28/2010 1:29:02 PM
Author: treefrog

My man brain can find no possible sign of hope in this message. I wonder if you have to specifically tell him to stop contacting you or your animals. I wonder if it would even matter. It's hard to say in this unique case.

Very funny...

A lot of truth to it though. Men and women really do see/read things very differently.

Say Jane wants to go to a new seafood restaraunt. Jane knows she wants to go and she tells Bob all about the place. Unless Jane actually tells Bob she wants to try it out... "Bob, I'd love to go to Seafood Seduction. Can we try it on Thursday?", Bob may not realize it's anything more than conversation.

Ok, so this isn't true in all cases for all men but as a general example, it's how the mysterious man brain works in this regard. This doesn't apply to power tools, sports equipment, electronics, or items with an engine; where the mere utterance of the topic = permission to us.

Treefrog

 

[lulu]

He came to your house but he doesn''t know your address?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/28/2010 2:15:46 PM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 4/28/2010 1:29:02 PM

Author: treefrog


My man brain can find no possible sign of hope in this message. I wonder if you have to specifically tell him to stop contacting you or your animals. I wonder if it would even matter. It''s hard to say in this unique case.

I have to agree - this is hilarious.



Suffice to say, I sent the message as is. We''ll see what happens. I guess I can expect a phone call since he took off for a two week trip this morning. I won''t answer the phone call. On a side note, he asked my Mom''s co-worker, the one that set us up, to get my address from my Mom to send me postcards. I screamed through the phone - Mom you didn''t give it to her did you? Don''t do it. Crisis averted.

If you know someone in common you might want to consider giving her a heads up so they can properly handle him if he tries to go through her to get to you. It would be unfortunate to put her in a tough spot because she set you up. At least if she knows your feelings she can reiterate them or tell him to eff off.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

You could always send him an ecard

I''m so sorry this didn''t work out, Starset. I was really rooting for this to work out. I guess it''s better to know now than years from now!

 

[Erin]

That''s the good thing Hudson. I have briefed my Mom on breaking up with him and she told her coworker. She has met me a few times and of course knows my Mom and knows that I wouldn''t do anything like use him or be cruel in any way. She thought I was a nice person and understands the idea that sometimes it doesn''t work out.

 

[luckynumber]

I think this guy fell in love with you, and made an ass of himself.

Nothing new, and it will happen again in centuries to come.

Sorry it didn''t work in the end

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

The good thing about this kind of love is in two weeks he''ll realize it wasn''t love, it was just infatuation.

 

[iota15]

I''d give it a lot longer than two weeks. But hopefully, the last text, even with the last line, will sound through loud and clear, and he''ll stop contacting her.


Oh, and until the bunny thing, I wouldn''t have put him in the creepy, stalking category either. He''s a man "in love" and doing what he can to win back his love. Bunny thing was weird though, but to some extent, I understand the irrationality (as well as the demonstrated personality traits) that brought him to it - traits and the elixir of "love" that SP liked at some point.

If the last text does not stop the attempts to win you back, just keep reiterating the strong, resounding no. In a self-defense class in high school, besides actually counter-maneovring, they told us to repeat each message to our angry or perceived attacker three times, like a "broken record" they said. It takes some time for the message to get through but be loud, clear, brief and concise... and most importantly, consistent.

 

[Nov2109]

Starset...I am glad you are able to get some laughs out of this...he sounds creepy. He''s either really playful(nice way of saying childish?), or just creepy. I''m hoping he is just creepy and you don''t get a stalker...

Hopefully your last messages get through to him.

 

[Erin]

No, I get the sense that the thing that''s "off" about him is that while he is terribly intelligent, he''s a bit immature. He sees things very objectively and is having a hard time understanding what this gut reaction thing is. In his line of work (quality assurance) nothing is impulse - it all has to be proven by facts and outcome effects. I think he thought he was being a white knight by traveling on a whim. I also think he thought he was appealing to my feminine side by being cutesy (which by the way guys, never do).

I honestly don''t think I have a creep or a stalker on my hands. I have someone who was very much enamoured with a gal who wanted to take the fast lane to becoming a family. He is 42 and doesn''t want to date three years either. Also, he just went through a divorce and I''m sure the prospect of dating is pretty unappealing to him. This should have a been a really great thing for him. And it hurts. I on the other hand am a professional dater seeing how I''ve been doing it for almost 20 years. I may not know how to be direct, but I know when something isn''t working. In fact, I still contend that my ex and I have all the chemistry two people could ever muster. But love isn''t all you need either.

 

[CatLady]

Maybe he has a little bit of something on the autism spectrum disorder and just doesn''t get it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/28/2010 1:20:30 PM
Author: decodelighted
TG:

Question. Does there need to be a separate Dear John letter from Mr. Stuffy?

Waiting Anxiously,
Deco

I still like the cardboard coffin idea. With a note that says:

"I''m no longer interested in your Peter."

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/28/2010 2:15:18 PM
Author: Travel Goddess

Date: 4/28/2010 1:36:40 PM
Author: junebug17
Ok, my two cents will probably be very unpopular, and I''m sure nobody will agree with me, but I feel compelled to say it...I just re-read the beginning of this thread, and you were really into this guy, Starset. I mean, you were thrilled, and gave this guy every impression you were totally on board. And everyone else was clapping and cheering every step of the way. deco was the only one who mentioned slowing down a little. If this guy had done the stuffed animal thing in the first few weeks, you probably would have thought it was adorable. All I''m saying is that this guy hasn''t changed, your feelings have, and that''s fine. That''s what dating is all about. But to start calling him a stalker, and creepy, and making fun of him, well, it just seems unfair. Sending a corny email doesn''t make someone a crazy stalker. He thinks he still has a chance, since you seemed to like him so much up until recently. You need to tell him, now, in no uncertain terms, that you are not interested in seeing him anymore. Up until now, You really haven''t done that, and that''s why I think he''s still giving it the old college try.


After you specifically tell him it''s over and these emails are still coming, then yes, crazy stalker will be appropiate. Just end it so you can both move on.

Ditto. You put my thoughts into words.

Not true....because quite a few of us said the exact thing a couple of pages back. Which is why we are all trying to craft a message to him "in no uncertain terms."

And also, there is a difference in whether someone is creepy, or simply gives you the creeps. The latter is a matter of opinon, a fact on how someone makes you FEEL, and is what it is.

 

[CatLady]

Is anyone else disturbed that a 42 year old man actually conceived the idea, then sat down at his computer and composed and sent an email to a stuffed animal??? And, that he actually thought that this was going to get a positive response? Weird.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/28/2010 4:03:47 PM
Author: CatLady
Is anyone else disturbed that a 42 year old man actually conceived the idea, then sat down at his computer and composed and sent an email to a stuffed animal??? And, that he actually thought that this was going to get a positive response? Weird.

Nope, sounds normal to me. I prefer to communicate to my daughter through her menagerie of stuffed animals.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/28/2010 3:45:15 PM
Author: CatLady
Maybe he has a little bit of something on the autism spectrum disorder and just doesn''t get it.

Ditto, it sounds like he''s got a bad case of social awkwardness. Think a cross between Sheldon and Leonard. Awkward and socially clueless like Sheldon yet sweet and romantic like Leonard...Never gonna happen unless you''re equally awkward.

 

[charbie]

Date: 4/28/2010 3:58:10 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/28/2010 1:20:30 PM
Author: decodelighted
TG:

Question. Does there need to be a separate Dear John letter from Mr. Stuffy?

Waiting Anxiously,
Deco

I still like the cardboard coffin idea. With a note that says:

''I''m no longer interested in your Peter.''

this is me crying because i''m laughing so hard.

SO my kind of humor.

 

[Erin]

Date: 4/28/2010 4:12:23 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/28/2010 3:45:15 PM
Author: CatLady
Maybe he has a little bit of something on the autism spectrum disorder and just doesn''t get it.

Ditto, it sounds like he''s got a bad case of social awkwardness. Think a cross between Sheldon and Leonard. Awkward and socially clueless like Sheldon yet sweet and romantic like Leonard...Never gonna happen unless you''re equally awkward.

If that is the case, his friends weren''t like him. In fact his friends were pretty darn good looking and funny. It would bring out that side of him, or maybe I was too distracted by having a good time in general that I didn''t notice it wasn''t coming from him. Now that I think about it.... Ouch.

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 4/28/2010 4:21:19 PM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 4/28/2010 4:12:23 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/28/2010 3:45:15 PM
Author: CatLady
Maybe he has a little bit of something on the autism spectrum disorder and just doesn''t get it.

Ditto, it sounds like he''s got a bad case of social awkwardness. Think a cross between Sheldon and Leonard. Awkward and socially clueless like Sheldon yet sweet and romantic like Leonard...Never gonna happen unless you''re equally awkward.

If that is the case, his friends weren''t like him. In fact his friends were pretty darn good looking and funny. It would bring out that side of him, or maybe I was too distracted by having a good time in general that I didn''t notice it wasn''t coming from him. Now that I think about it.... Ouch.

Are any of them available?

Kidding!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/28/2010 6:04:25 PM
Author: canuk-gal

Date: 4/28/2010 4:21:19 PM

Author: Starset Princess

Date: 4/28/2010 4:12:23 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/28/2010 3:45:15 PM

Author: CatLady

Maybe he has a little bit of something on the autism spectrum disorder and just doesn''t get it.

Ditto, it sounds like he''s got a bad case of social awkwardness. Think a cross between Sheldon and Leonard. Awkward and socially clueless like Sheldon yet sweet and romantic like Leonard...Never gonna happen unless you''re equally awkward.

If that is the case, his friends weren''t like him. In fact his friends were pretty darn good looking and funny. It would bring out that side of him, or maybe I was too distracted by having a good time in general that I didn''t notice it wasn''t coming from him. Now that I think about it.... Ouch.

Are any of them available?

Kidding!!

cheers--Sharon

SNORT. Great idea-I think asking him for the number of his hottest friend could help him understand that you''re over it!

 

[IdLikeToBuyAVal]

What about contacting the woman who said she was thinking of setting him up and casually mentioning that you two aren''t seeing each other anymore? Maybe she could set him up and he could become fixated on someone else?

 

[ArtistJess]

Maybe you could write him a Haiku?

''Please disappear now..
Lest I stab Mr. Fluffy.
Your sex faces suck.''

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

LOL Jen that''s classic! Good job

 

[HappyNewLife]

Date: 4/28/2010 8:26:15 PM
Author: ArtistJess
Maybe you could write him a Haiku?

''Please disappear now..
Lest I stab Mr. Fluffy.
Your sex faces suck.''

I think I just peed a little. ROFL!

 

[Erin]

Date: 4/28/2010 10:06:59 PM
Author: HappyNewLife

Date: 4/28/2010 8:26:15 PM
Author: ArtistJess
Maybe you could write him a Haiku?

'Please disappear now..
Lest I stab Mr. Fluffy.
Your sex faces suck.'

I think I just peed a little. ROFL!

O.M.G.
Didn't need any help tonight, but LOL.
ps - no response. direct seems to be working.

 

[monarch64]

"To the left, to the left...everything you own in a box to the left..."

I''m sorry this one didn''t work out, Starset. I really think that after this you''ve gained some more insight and you''ll do just fine as far as the dating scene. Still think you will rock Chicago. Wishing you the absolute BEST.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I may be completely off my rocker, but whatever, I''m saying it anyway. I do still like this guy. He''s 42, he obviously knows what he wants, he doesn''t want to waste anyone''s time, he obviously really adores Starset and he''s straight-laced, which I prefer over any other type of guy.

I think that Starset did leave him in a place where he didn''t know what happened and he drove 225 miles to try to reassure her. The fact that he brought a duffle bag is slightly weird, but I''m giving him the benefit of the doubt. 225 miles isn''t very far. I don''t think it was an overly grand gesture.

I also have to admit that I didn''t even blink about the bunny saying hi. But I''m very weird like that, it''s actually something I would do myself. My dog has his own facebook page and has conversations with people. He knew that she was feeling unsure about him, so I think he was trying to cheer her up indirectly. I get it.

Starset, when it comes down to it I think you miss the chemistry you had with your ex. This guy is great on paper and I actually still think he''s a good catch, but he may have been too "available". I''m going to go out on a limb and say that I really think you miss your ex and probably won''t be able to give any man a chance until you are truly over him.

I am most certainly in your corner and am eager for you to move on to the next chapter of your life--I think a move (quite possibly to Chicago) would be a big step in putting the past behind you. We are all here cheering you on!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I''m with NEL on this one...

I''ve read pretty much the whole thread, and the one thing that jumps out at me is that one minute you were fine and the next you weren''t. It can be very polarizing for someone the receiving end of that treatment to mentally grasp the sudden 180 of emotions. It is from that point of view that I have to admit I can see where his grasping came from...and I do believe he was doing it less to be a nuisance or a creep-o and more trying to wrap his head around what was going on. I mean, he essentially has romantic whiplash and he''s reacting.

The thing is, when someone in a relationship puts forth effort...be it driving 225 miles to meet someone for an afternoon walk (in my home town, might I add!), or talks about moving to be closer to them in a very serious way...the person on the other end of those actions or that conversation does gain a certain level of comfort, they feel as those they can securely believe that the other person is equally as committed. It''s not wrong. It''s just more or less human nature.

You were seeing this guy for a relatively short period of time and making extremely grand gestures...someone who is luke warm doesn''t entertain the notion of uprooting their life and moving to be closer. You sent him clear signs that you were very much into him and wanted to buckle down for the long haul. So, when you started down that path, you more or less, made your bed. This guy, Mr. Six Weeks, thought you were in with both feet, pushing full steam ahead and as an observer based on what you said, I agree that you did make yourself out to be really serious.

But, things change. People can fall in and out of "lust" easily...and sometimes it happens faster and other times its a slow process. You just happened to make up your mind quickly. And although I do believe you had his best intentions at heart, I think you muddled the whole thing up. If you had "the talk" on the way home from your visit, you should have let it go...no need to e-mail and wax poetic about what a fantastic catch he is...see the muddling? When he showed up, you should have been clear and concise and if he wanted to spend the night, he should have done so on the couch, not your bed...see the muddling? You end the relationship but still accept gifts...see the muddling? You''re saying one thing and doing another and this guy is just be twisted and turned every which way but loose.

I think that you need to make the resolution that you''re not going to be "that girl" the one who doesn''t want the guy but waffles over the attention. You need to stop taking phone calls, stop responding to e-mails and move on. You can only do what you can do to stop his advances, and if he''s as intelligent as you give him credit for, the cold shoulder will undoubtedly send the message that this stint has come to a close.

Basically, I''m telling you to treat him how you''d want to be treated...and I''m highly doubtful that you''d get kicks out of being the one strung along or made a fool of.

 

[galeteia]

I also agree that he doesn''t seem that creepy. Socially awkward, yes, but everything he''s done so far is CLASSIC Hollywood rom-com style wooing. If he''s clueless, it''s not surprising that he did the clichéd surprise visit in an effort to win her back, because it always works in the movies!

Also, you can''t blame the guy for getting confused when things went from 0-60 in a few weeks and then 60-0 abruptly. I am not saying that Starset was wrong, because clearly she''s not into him anymore, but I can see why he was in denial that it would tank that fast. If I was in his shoes, I''d probably be bewildered too.

The Sheldon and Leonard comparison was apt. Hey, at least you know that there ARE guys out there who want to commit!

Good luck Starset, I''m rooting for you!

 

[Erin]

We had a nice final conversation and we''re parting amicably. He understands where I''m coming from now and although he''s not happy about it, he gets it.
I feel like, if I were to run into him, I would feel comfortable and friendly.

I just thought I''d sign off this thread with something he said that was funny:
"And just so you know, I''m not really insufferable in the fall. I''m spectacular."

Thank you ladies. Just when I thought I''d done everything in the dating world - along comes the last six weeks. Thanks for all your support on both sides of the curve.