I have a daaayyyyyte... I have a daaayyyyyte

[16ocean]

What a fun fun thread! I am so happy you have met a wonderful man that is treating you the way you deserve. Thanks for posting and letting us share your joy.

 

[pixgirl]

Red high heels would look great with that dress.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:25:44 PM
Author: luckynumber
Like, does he have a brother?

no honey, come back..... didn''t mean it....you''re the only man for meeeeeee...........

 

[blueroses]

It may be fast, but I feel like you're playing it smart.

(And for what it's worth, we were looking at places together before we hit the month mark, signed the lease on our place just shy of two, and were engaged at five and a half.)

With what you and I have both been through, when you get there for REAL, you KNOW you've gotten there. It sounds like you asked the universe...and the universe may have finally delivered!

And don't freak out TOO much: We don't have too much time on the mommy clock, but it's not dire yet! ENJOY the courtship and have fun, my friend!

SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

 

[janinegirly]

I am also rooting for SP and loving the updates!

For what it''s worth I woudl normally be critical of the pace and advising caution, but the fact is they are 2 adults who know what they want at this age. Plus SP has had such a drawn out history with commitment phobes that this just seems like it was meant to be. The fact that the guy in the equation was also vetted by family first (since this was a date set up by the mother I believe?) is a big plus.

The only thing I would say is wait until the first fight before checking everything off -- if that doesn''t raise additional red flags this looks like a winner all around!

Hope the job search is going well!!

 

[Erin]

Just received this email from my Dad at work.

I just had a person wanting to see homes.
While talking with her, she’s from ###, found out she’s Craig’s parents neighbor.
He grew up next to her. I asked what she thought of him, and she almost came unglued RAVING about him.
I told her I had a daughter who recently met him and was seeing him.
She said that’s good to know, because she had someone in mind she was thinking of introducing to him because he’s the most wonderful person.
Her name is ###. You might even remember her. She was in the guidance office at EHS and retired in 1993. When I told her your name, she said she remembered you. Said you need to hold onto Craig.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:38:43 AM
Author: Starset Princess
Just received this email from my Dad at work.

I just had a person wanting to see homes.
While talking with her, she’s from ###, found out she’s Craig’s parents neighbor.
He grew up next to her. I asked what she thought of him, and she almost came unglued RAVING about him.
I told her I had a daughter who recently met him and was seeing him.
She said that’s good to know, because she had someone in mind she was thinking of introducing to him because he’s the most wonderful person.
Her name is ###. You might even remember her. She was in the guidance office at EHS and retired in 1993. When I told her your name, she said she remembered you. Said you need to hold onto Craig.

To the orange part, I was like "Oh h*ll naw!", lol, and the yellow part is SO cute!

Congrats on finding a winner!

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:38:43 AM
Author: Starset Princess
Just received this email from my Dad at work.

I just had a person wanting to see homes.
While talking with her, she’s from ###, found out she’s Craig’s parents neighbor.
He grew up next to her. I asked what she thought of him, and she almost came unglued RAVING about him.
I told her I had a daughter who recently met him and was seeing him.
She said that’s good to know, because she had someone in mind she was thinking of introducing to him because he’s the most wonderful person.
Her name is ###. You might even remember her. She was in the guidance office at EHS and retired in 1993. When I told her your name, she said she remembered you. Said you need to hold onto Craig.

Dig.Claws.In.

You go, girl. *snap and shake head*

On a serious note, I am GEEKED for you.

 

[ms.halo]

I moved in with my DH after four and a half months and would have done it sooner if we'd found somewhere sooner. My in-laws got engaged after three weeks of dating and just celebrated their 40th anniversary. I think when you know, you know.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Hi Starset,
I recently came out of the woodworks...for my upgrade that is, and was catching up on what''s been going on with the oldtimers. I was surprised that there were a lot of LIW''s still waiting, and then I remembered your story.....

So happy to hear about this guy though!!!! Sounds like he''s not dragging his feet, and definitely does not have commitment issues. Wishing you much happiness this time around!

 

[oddoneout]

I just read the whole thread. I''m glad things are going so well.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Great thread! I am SO happy for you!!! It sounds like you are off to a great start.

 

[lulu]

Date: 4/17/2010 12:45:54 PM
Author: kribbie
Great thread! I am SO happy for you!!! It sounds like you are off to a great start.

Start?? They're already in the middle. Keep up!

 

[Maisie]

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. It made me go all

Things sound like they are going so well and I am thrilled for you both!

 

[misskitty]

Date: 4/17/2010 5:53:45 PM
Author: Maisie
I have really enjoyed reading this thread. It made me go all

Things sound like they are going so well and I am thrilled for you both!

^^ This is 100% how I feel! I popped in during the first few posts and didn''t have much to offer re: the fashion talk, but I am SO GLAD that I came back to read more. Adorable!

 

[bee*]

I''ve just read through this whole thread! I''m so thrilled for you!!! He sounds like such an amazing guy. I hope that the job hunting goes well for you.

 

[Tuckins1]

I am so excited for you! Reading all your posts... This reminds me of how DH and I were when we first got together, and we have only ever gotten closer and closer. I really hope everything works out for you two!!

 

[luckynumber]

fingers crossed that he is The One!

it got better and better for me too.

mind you, i am now so head over heels that he could break wind and i''d swoon in ecstasy!!

 

[Laila619]

What a wonderful story! He sounds like a really good guy.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Date: 4/17/2010 4:59:08 PM
Author: lulu

Date: 4/17/2010 12:45:54 PM
Author: kribbie
Great thread! I am SO happy for you!!! It sounds like you are off to a great start.

Start?? They''re already in the middle. Keep up!

Have they said the "L" word yet?
*Scans thread for what she may have missed"

 

[Erin]

This is really hard to type.

What if everything all around you says yes except for a little voice inside that says no? What if he is perfect for me and there is an element of attraction missing that I just can't put my finger on? What if this element isn't a deal breaker but could end up being magnified or could grow bigger over time - ie after marriage and child? There are so many things that are so wonderful about him, but when I curl up next to him to go to sleep I don't feel that sense of peace and inner joy.

I spent last Friday through Tuesday night with him and this is when this nagging sense developed. I am scheduled to go back up there this weekend. After that he will be gone the next two weekends so it will be a while until I see him again.

I've been handed everything I've wanted and I'm going to be a superficial cow and whine about attraction? Is this the foundation that love needs to be stable through harder times? Is it in the long haul, the least of my worries? It's not that I'm not attracted to him although he is admittedly not exactly handsome. I'm talking about that gut feeling that grows into emotional attachment and affection.

ETA:
Maybe this has been so rushed I haven't had the proper time to develop these feelings at a normal pace.
Maybe that's just an excuse and I either feel it or I don't.
Can I develop this over time?

 

[janinegirly]

aww starset, this is not you being whiney.

i have 2 thoughts:

1) this is the inner voice you should listen to--attraction is one of those non-negotiables. At least in my book (but not everyone''s).

2) OR this could just be normal doubts that every relationship goes through as it veers between the thrill of early dating and fears of "is this the right one" as things get serious. Everyone has doubts at some point at that stage. Because you wonder, can I live with x, y, z? Because of course no one is perfect but somethings are not a big deal and others are, and each person has a differing list of needs (and the list shortens as you get older and wiser). So the only solution there is time and maybe occassional time apart or even dating around to see how the heart reacts. Because it''s better to be sure!!

Keep us posted!

 

[luckynumber]

whoa.

i think you gotta be honest with yourself starset.

attraction is very, very important.

hell, i''ll even go as far as saying sexual attraction is very, very important.

a guy can be wonderful, but still not the one for you.

i think you need to listen to that inner voice, esp if it''s growing LOUDER.

give it some more time, but remember love can''t be forced.

i fell in love almost inspite of myself.

i hope it works out for you, but if not, there will be someone else

 

[AllyD]

Hi Starset... I feel that if you don''t have that initial attraction to a person, you''re never going to have it. It''s something natural, not something you can force. f your gut is telling you something isn''t right then it just might not be. Most people know that it''s not looks that make a person, it''s their personality. But with that said, you have to have an attraction. Especially in the beginning when getting to know someone. But then again, attraction grows stronger over time. So maybe you need to get to know him better. And don''t beat yourself up over feeling this way. You want to be honest with your feelings. We all know that no one is perfect and there isn''t such a thing as the "perfect" package. But you have to decide what''s important to you in a relationship. Maybe the next two weeks he''s gone, you''ll realize that you really do miss him and want to be with him, but if you see him after that time apart and you still feel that something "missing" maybe you need to let this one go. Also, maybe you need to give it more time. You only just started dating recently. Give it some time but if you still feel this way in the next month or so, maybe he''s not the one for you. Just my two cents...

 

[Erin]

Alright out it comes. I have been attracted to him overall. He is a wonderful person and I am physically attracted to him. This past week we got to know each other even more intimately. We are not exactly compatable. In fact, this is when the wheels fell off and I look at him differently now.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 4/22/2010 3:01:06 PM
Author: Starset Princess
Alright out it comes. I have been attracted to him overall. He is a wonderful person and I am physically attracted to him. This past week we got to know each other even more intimately. We are not exactly compatable. In fact, this is when the wheels fell off and I look at him differently now.

See that''s the thing. Attraction doesn''t have to mean physical. But there has to be attraction...whether it be his personality, looks, confidence or sense of humor. But it has to be something that does it for you.

 

[luckynumber]

oh uh.

if this is what i think it means, it''s not good news.

maybe it''s just first night jitters??

if it''s more than once or twice, and the earth still isn''t moving, i personally would bail. i can''t imagine being with someone who doesn''t do it for me (and in spades) in that department.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Ugh, that is tough. Your relationship has been on a very fast-paced track so far. It might just be that this is the first time you have given yourself the opportunity to take a realistic assessment of the situation.

While physical attraction has never been an issue with my fiance, there were other questions I had about him early on. He is 10 years older than me, and I didn't know that at first. When I found out a week later, I freaked out and thought it was too big of a gap that I couldn't get past. That was silly because before I knew his age, I thought everything was great. Not exactly the same thing I know, but my point is that if I had listened to that doubt and written him off after a couple weeks of dating because he was older than me, I would have missed out on the love of my life.

While this guy may not fit every criteria you had in mind or everything that would be ideal (classic good looks), he still might have everything you NEED. That is not to say that you shouldn't be honest with yourself if you are not attracted to him in the way you should be or want to be. But I would advise you to give it some time, take it slowly and get to know him, and see if his personality makes up for not having perfect looks. In the end how much he loves you and how he treats you is what matters.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I'm an overly-analytical person, so trust me, I've been exactly where you are on this thing.

ETA: I forgot to update before responding. I see the situation has changed since then. I can't be much help in this area because my fiance and I decided to wait to have, um, intercourse until we get married.

ETA: I guess I'm a good example, though, that a relationship is not all about sex. Neither of us has any doubt that we'll be compatible based on our experiences together and just how connected we are.

 

[monarch64]

It seems like things got really serious really fast between you, Starset. I wonder if you're just experiencing a little bit of burnout due to that? I mean, he is great, you're a good match, you had that initial spark that led you to dating fast and furious for a while...and now you're contemplating finding a job and moving where he is. Whoa. I think the rational side of you is just creating some distance, that's all.

I went through something similar with my SO. Things between us progressed quickly from the time we met but maybe 2 months in, I had that screeching halt sound in my head. Mine wasn't really due to lack of attraction, it was just a feeling I got and I think part of it was me worrying about whether I was making the right choices since I hadn't in the past. He was very very very in love with me from the beginning, and I was having lots of fun but it definitely took me longer to get there, kwim? Like, I loved him, but I wasn't ALL IN. We've been together almost 8 months now and I couldn't be happier. I'm glad I took that time out feeling and examined it pretty thoroughly. I am moving in with him next month and we have started looking at houses, and he has been hinting forever that he has a ring in the works.

Don't let circumstances make you feel rushed. No, we're not getting any younger (I'll be 33 soon), but what is another 6-12 months or whatever? Try to relax and see where this goes and have a talk with him about slowing things down a bit so you don't feel pressured. Then see how you feel about him. Best of luck to you.

ETA: I just saw your latest post. Um. That paints things in a slightly different light. But all is not lost! Do you think things are fixable? Not every couple is compatible from the get-go, sometimes it takes a few tries (or many) to get on the same page.

 

[AllyD]

Ahhh, now I see what you''re saying Starlet. Well, they do say that practice makes perfect. No, but seriously, sometimes at first it''s awkward... you just need to get to "know" each other. Give it some more time...