I have a daaayyyyyte... I have a daaayyyyyte

[janinegirly]

Woah this thread took a whole different turn! I obviously did not pick up on the subtle hints as to what was being alluded to in the original post, tee hee.

Well it sounds like it''s something you can definitely work on, and have fun at the same time!

Keep us posted!

 

[Erin]

I called him on my drive home last night and told him I couldn''t put my finger on it but something is missing.

What I didn''t tell him is that it''s the weird faces he makes even when he does other things (like imitate me talking.) I don''t find it cute or funny - I want it to stop. It''s how he doesn''t make me laugh much. It''s how we have a great time when we''re doing something but our downtime doesn''t have much going on. I''m just not completely attracted to him.

This morning I got an email from him that says We''ll figure it out. I hate to see you less than happy.

Today I woke up with a bit of a sense of relief. Even though I''m going through another mismatched relationship, I''m still hopeful for what is next because I feel like I''m getting closer. But now I have to really explain to him that I''m not interested. Gah. This is gonna suck.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Best to just rip off the band aid and get it over with. If you really feel like you''re not romantically interested in him then you need to stop what you''re doing (in regards to looking for work and planning a move) and end things. It''s not fair to him for this to continue if you''re not 100% committed to it. I know it will be difficult because he''s got feelings for you and you don''t want to hurt him, but you''re better off hurting him at this point vs 6 months down the road when you''re living together and he''s in love with you.

 

[janinegirly]

I have to agree with HH on the first part of her post. There is something that doesn't click here--it's clear from your post. It's not just the weird face---there isn't the spark/chemistry that MUST be there in the beginning, b/c over time it's all about trying to keep it and if it's not strong to start, you will not be happy. Of course it seemed like it was there in spades in the beginning but maybe now you are seeing other sides of the person. His email also seems a bit removed to me...

I don't know if ths means you have to stop the move though...Chicago is a big city, you clearly seemed energized by the prospect of the move--and there is more opportunity and social outlests there. Otherwise it's back to seeing the ex in the office and everyone knowing everyone.

You are getting close though SP, I can almost feel it. I remember when I was getting close..I was dating one after the other (I hadn't been much of a relationship person before then..) and each one was a possibility but not it yet. So I think you know it's just a matter of finding which one is the right one, rather than if,etc.

 

[luckynumber]

i think the thing that''s missing is chemistry. i think that''s becoming really obvious.

he''s a good guy, he treats you well, you''re telling yourself you SHOULD like him romantically but you clearly don''t. you''re picking up on lots of things that irritate you already, while you should really be head over heels and misty eyed still.

do his kisses make you come back for more?

do you think about him all the time when he''s not there?

do you miss his smell?

does being with him make you feel safe, loved, home?

these are all questions i asked myself and answered yes to when i found the right guy.

he''s not the one for you, from what you''ve told us.

break up and keep looking!

 

[KittyGolightly]

Oh no! I hadn''t been following this thread recently, and just saw the update.

Lackluster sex is one thing. But if he actually irritates you this early on...yeah, best to rip off the band aid as soon as possible. Allow him the opportunity to find someone who love him completely, warts and all.

 

[Erin]

Date: 4/26/2010 12:46:44 PM
Author: luckynumber

do his kisses make you come back for more?

do you think about him all the time when he''s not there?

do you miss his smell?

does being with him make you feel safe, loved, home?

Nope.

Which is why I wrote him a dear john letter this morning that basically said Men like you are few and far between and most women would be grateful to have one of your type. I should be in heaven, right? But I''m not. Because as perfect as you are, something is missing and I don''t know why. I feel there isn''t the chemistry that is going to last over time. Something is just not in sync when we''re together.

He responded a couple hours later via text: Hey, hope you''re having a great day! FYI I think somebody hacked your email account. I got the strangest email...

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/26/2010 1:56:46 PM
Author: Starset Princess
He responded a couple hours later via text: Hey, hope you''re having a great day! FYI I think somebody hacked your email account. I got the strangest email...

For some reason I find that TERRIFYING. As if he''s just completely refusing to take *no* as an answer -- so much so that he won''t even entertain the IDEA he might be in the midst of rejection. **shudder**

 

[Erin]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:00:33 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/26/2010 1:56:46 PM
Author: Starset Princess
He responded a couple hours later via text: Hey, hope you're having a great day! FYI I think somebody hacked your email account. I got the strangest email...

For some reason I find that TERRIFYING. As if he's just completely refusing to take *no* as an answer -- so much so that he won't even entertain the IDEA he might be in the midst of rejection. **shudder**

Yeah. I was completely baffled by this text. It does not match what I know of him. So far, anyway. What complete disregard/denial of what's happening. Just checked. No follow up email. I have chosen to ignore the text. And at this point any subsequent email.

ETA: Thankfully he sent a regular email response simply stating - Just so you know, I'm having a hard time responding to your email.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:04:55 PM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 4/26/2010 2:00:33 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/26/2010 1:56:46 PM
Author: Starset Princess
He responded a couple hours later via text: Hey, hope you''re having a great day! FYI I think somebody hacked your email account. I got the strangest email...

For some reason I find that TERRIFYING. As if he''s just completely refusing to take *no* as an answer -- so much so that he won''t even entertain the IDEA he might be in the midst of rejection. **shudder**

Yeah. I was completely baffled by this text. It does not match what I know of him. So far, anyway. What complete disregard/denial of what''s happening. Just checked. No follow up email. I have chosen to ignore the text. And at this point any subsequent email.

Oh boy. I hope you don''t think I''m jumping on the bandwagon, but one slight red flag I saw early on was he might be potentially controlling. Just in the way he was pushing for things to move fast and set things up that way as if it was inevitable. It could''ve gone both ways so I wrote it off, but based on this recent text, hmmm it could be an issue. Just be careful. On the other hand, your family (or family friends) had wonderful things to say about him, so maybe it''s not so much scary as it is that he''s in denial?

 

[Erin]

I am officially ending this thread. Six weeks. Lessons learned. Moving on.

 

[ArtistJess]

On to the next one, Starset!

Look forward to the future!

 

[HappyNewLife]

you're awesome for being honest and direct and upfront with him and good for you for not settling! life's too short and you deserve to find someone who is perfect for you!

yes it will suck to break it off, but you are doing both of you a favor.

GOOD LUCK!

ETA-- I wasn't caught up on all the replies. Good luck, you will ROCK the dating scene!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Starset I hope you''re ok and this thread didn''t make things difficult. Your post made me think perhaps he had found it and read the comments??? Maybe I''m reading into it too much. Anyway, **hugs** I know what you just went through was tough. Good luck sweetie.

 

[sunseeker101]

Starset, the car-crash pic might only apply if you stayed in the situation -- time to hit super-pursuit mode, a la Nightrider

Congrats on sussing it out so soon, I was concerned because the most instantly perfect, charming and suitable man could either be evidence of an obliging Eros and his arrow, or a perfect mask. The brick-wall denying reply to your thoughtful admissions in e-mail would send me running for the hills -- ones you'd need lots of chocolate and extra oxygen to climb

It's a good step closer to right anyway. Good luck with the next move

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:04:55 PM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 4/26/2010 2:00:33 PM

Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/26/2010 1:56:46 PM

Author: Starset Princess

He responded a couple hours later via text: Hey, hope you''re having a great day! FYI I think somebody hacked your email account. I got the strangest email...

For some reason I find that TERRIFYING. As if he''s just completely refusing to take *no* as an answer -- so much so that he won''t even entertain the IDEA he might be in the midst of rejection. **shudder**

Yeah. I was completely baffled by this text. It does not match what I know of him. So far, anyway. What complete disregard/denial of what''s happening. Just checked. No follow up email. I have chosen to ignore the text. And at this point any subsequent email.


ETA: Thankfully he sent a regular email response simply stating - Just so you know, I''m having a hard time responding to your email.

thank God! that text reply was kind of creepy.. I''m glad that he''s not completely ignoring your email!

 

[ladypirate]

If nothing else, maybe this gave you the impetus you need to move back to Chicago? That could be awesome for you!

 

[Erin]

After a stress relieving work out and shower, Erin stood at the kitchen sink wearing cut off sweats and an old breast cancer awareness t-shirt (I mean, a leopard dress.) Her sister had cooked an vegan dinner of broccoli, mushrooms, rice and soy sauce. Naturally Erin knew that it was her turn to do the dishes. It was 8:30 in the evening and Dancing With the Stars was still audible from the other room, the washer and dryer humming from the back porch, the faint rumble of highway traffic from the kitchen window... Wait, what was that? Who is knocking on my back door at this time of night?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

...I am hoping the knock at the door was not a man, haha. Unless that man was a masseuse hired to help you relax and not worry about the past several weeks!!

 

[monarch64]

Hmm...either the ex or this latest guy. Spill it!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I love this, it''s like a soap opera!

 

[Erin]

It's Mr. Six Weeks. Didn't answer my email all day. Never sent a text. Shows up on my freaking back porch after driving 225 miles. Parked his car across the street from my house because he knew the dogs would alert me of his presence if he pulled into the driveway. Has a six pack of beer from Great Lakes Brewing Co because I seemed to like it last time. I open the door assuming it's my neighbor wanting to borrow something and he says, Hi! Wanna beer?

After standing there stunned for a while I invite him in and announce to my sis We have a visitor! (Giving her the crazy eyes like What the %&$# do I do?) He asks if there's somewhere we can go to talk so I offer to go on a walk. We get half a block away and he suggests driving instead. I am totally weirded out at this point. He tells me all the reasons why we are a good match. I contend that there is something missing. He tells me all the reasons why I am the perfect girl for him. I assure him, something is not in sync between us. He tells me to think it over.

I tell him it's time for me to go to bed because I get up and run at 5am. He asks if he can come in. I'm assuming it's to use the bathroom but while I'm letting the dogs out he brings a duffle bag into my house and starts getting ready for bed. Of course he drank too much to drive home. What a plan. I let him stay there but I might as well be sleeping next to my brother. I think I was just trying to keep everything cool and neutral. I didn't want to rattle any cages. He left without persuasion this morning at 5am while I was tying my shoes.

I'm not as forward as I should be. But now it's time for me to channel my inner mean streak and get serious. Maybe a phone call and an email wasn't the best way to handle it before but my words were direct. He gets on a plane tomorrow morning.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yea you need to just state. "it''s not me, it''s you. I''m just not into you and it''s over. I do not want to see you anymore. kthxbai"

 

[Strawdermangrl]

OMG. Wow. SP, I don''t even know what to say. On one hand, it is flattering that you mean that much to him and he would take the time to make the trip and to talk to you. ON the other, more rational hand, that would kind of FREAK me out!!! You have tried to end it and he seems like "No" really isn''t a part of his vocab. Hmmm...

I second your view, for the sake of both of your feelings/sanity you would need to be a little more "firm". As in, "We have had a lot of fun together and you are a GREAT guy but just NOT the one for me". <-- Then emphasis the PERIOD.

L

Hugs, Doll. I feel for you and I wish that this had played out as we had thought from the take-off but with all seriousness, that only means that when it is 100% right, it will be like this but 2,000 times better.

I''m cheering you on from Texas girl, go to Chicago and spread those beautiful wings!!!!

XOXOXO!

 

[treefrog]

The plot thickens.

My guy perspective...

Ok... I get that you two were on a fast-track and everything seemed great. I didn''t read every single update but it seemed pretty good. The relationship went to the next level, he probably thought that would bring you two even closer but it turned out to be a deal breaker. Certainly not what he expected. He went from cloud 9 to ground level in one weekend. Pretty tough to get a grip on.

I held back a reply yesterday. I was thinking you didn''t give "phase 2" enough of a chance like you did for "phase 1".

He didn''t want to just walk away and couldn''t understand how he went from one extreme to the other. We (men) can be pretty dense. We''re beyond lousy at reading between the lines. We see colors as red, yellow, blue... not fuscia, scarlet, or mauve. Although I respect the guy for wanting to talk it out, that is just above and beyond way, way, way too wierd.

I''m so sorry SP.

Treefrog

 

[Erin]

Treefrog. First of all, your snacks are killing me!
Thanks for the MP. He even mentioned he's never had the extremes come from so far out of left field. Our email exchanges before we met rocked his world. Our first night (and weekend, and month for that matter) was like something from a dream. I brought joy into his life at a time when he simply was not expecting it. And while he was still trying to take all of that in, my phone call caught him very much off-guard.

I can appreciate that he didn't see this coming. He's not inside my brain. But I was pretty darn clear in my messages earlier. I didn't leave it open ended. His response was to drive down and surprise me? That doesn't even make sense.

He actually had me second guessing the same thing. I didn't give this new get-to-know-you stage a fair shot. I actually considered thinking about things a little longer but I didn't dare say it to him. Because I couldn't get over his freaky suprise visit!

 

[monarch64]

Oh my.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/27/2010 9:54:18 AM
Author: Strawdermangrl

OMG. Wow. SP, I don''t even know what to say. On one hand, it is flattering that you mean that much to him and he would take the time to make the trip and to talk to you.ON the other, more rational hand, that would kind of FREAK me out!!! You have tried to end it and he seems like ''No'' really isn''t a part of his vocab. Hmmm...

I second your view, for the sake of both of your feelings/sanity you would need to be a little more ''firm''. As in, ''We have had a lot of fun together and you are a GREAT guy but just NOT the one for me''. <-- Then emphasis the PERIOD.

L

Hugs, Doll. I feel for you and I wish that this had played out as we had thought from the take-off but with all seriousness, that only means that when it is 100% right, it will be like this but 2,000 times better.

I''m cheering you on from Texas girl, go to Chicago and spread those beautiful wings!!!!

XOXOXO!

HELLO CREEPY STALKER!!!

 

[Anastasia]

I agree with Treefrog that he needs a little time to adjust to the idea. All along, you have had doubts, but it appears that he was going full steam ahead. He needs to get used to the idea that he is not the perfect guy for the woman that he thought was the perfect woman for him. I think you do need to be direct with him, but I have a feeling that he has gotten the message. It may still take a little while for him to really GET IT though, so I would continue to be firm, but I wouldn''t be surprised if he doesn''t back down immediately.

I don''t agree with Treefrog that you didn''t give phase II enough time. In my experience, chemistry is either there, or it is not. I do think that,in some cases, it may take a little while to get everything working correctly in that department, but if you are not attracted to him, I don''t think that will change. It doesn''t sound the only issues are when you are being intimate. If you don''t like the faces he makes when he talks,that is only going to get worse. If he was the right guy for you, you would find those funny faces cute!

Starset, you are adorable, funny and smart. I think that Mr. 6 Weeks may have been a good experience in the end. Even though he wasn''t the right guy, it is great to realize that there are men out there that want what you want, and can sweep you off your feet. I think that there are great things ahead for you!

 

[janinegirly]

Wow. All I can say is thank god your sister was there! Did he ever acknowledge what you were saying (i.e. ending it)? The thing is when you are enamoured with someone these personality traits can be interpreted as romantic but when you are trying to end things it''s definitely creepy. I personally don''t like surprise visits!

Time to be straight and no more sleepovers and even then should be on the couch. He is in denial stage--it will only add to that.

But yes this is very much like a soap opera. And now, for a new of episode of "Mr. Six Weeks"...