I need some encouragment - big time.

[vespergirl]

Date: 1/16/2009 4:20:54 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 1/16/2009 3:39:54 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/16/2009 3:27:59 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 1/16/2009 2:01:45 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/16/2009 1:33:50 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Jo . . . you mean HE TOOK DIAMONDS?!?!?!?! Oh, now that''s IT!!! It is ON like DONKEY KONG!!!

OMG. You just made me bust up! That is like my favorite catch phrase lately!!!!!

And yes - he took diamonds. And some rubies and sapphires too.

Heck, he even took some fakie stuff!

HA! It worked! Made ya laugh!

Seriously, I can''t believe he took your jewelry. He had absolutely NO right to do that. What a jacka$$!!!

Pretty retarded, huh? Then when we met at his attorney, I said that I wanted the ering back. And he told me that that was a stone that was intended to stay in his family. And my response? ''Well, gee, I''m pretty sure that before you had it set, you had that stone up for consignment sale in a jewlery store!''

What a line.

OMG! Yeah, I just BET it has TONS of sentimental value to him. Riiiiight.

And, OK, so let''s play his game for a second . . . he wants the e-ring back because it''s a family heirloom. What about all the other jewelry he took?!?!?! GRRR!!!

Hey there, I''m so glad that you''re feeling better. I haven''t had time to read through all of the posts, but according to law, the ering and wband and the wife''s property, and you should have them returned to you. The only time that the law decides that a woman needs to return her ering is before the wedding - the ring is a gift contingent upon the contract of the marriage going through.

However, once the marriage has taken place, the ering & wband are your property, and yours only. After my divorce, I sold my ering to help pay for my move to a new city. You can do whatever you want with yours, but perhaps it can be of use to you financially after the divorce is finalized.

 

[risingsun]

Jodi~you are doing everything you should be doing

Please let your attorney know that your husband stole your personal property and see what can be done about getting it back. It was a sleazy move on his part

 

[icekid]

Jodi- I''m so sorry that you have to go through this! On the other hand, I''m so glad that you''re kicking this guy to the curb. He sounds like a real piece of work who never truly appreciated teh fabulous YOU. However, it does seem that you''re doing even better than could be expected, given all you have gone through. I hope you found your blood-hungry attorney

Best of luck to you; I know everything will work out well in the end.

 

[Harriet]

Thinking of you, joflier.

 

[lauralu]

I am so sorry you are going threw this, you sound good though, that is great! As time goes by you will continue to feel even more strong and independent. I know from experience, the farther out you get from all of this the more you will be asking yourself... Why did I wait so long? You will not believe the things you put up with for so long thinking your life was normal, or you were the crazy one. Congratulations on claiming your life back.

Just a thought on the pressure to sign so he could close on some deals. If your not on any of the business dealings, why would it matter if you signed by a certain date for him to close?

I wonder if he is thinking that by having you sign the divorce papers takes you out of everything. Than when he closes he gets all the proceeds and does not have to share with you because you will be divorced.

He is a sneaky wheeler and dealer. Saying you saw the financial statements when you really never did? ding ding ding ding...the red flags are flying high!!!!!

I do not know you, but in reading your story here, I am so relieved to know you got a lawyer. whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

you go girl

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 1/14/2009 3:14:14 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Hey Joflier, I saw this just after you had posted originally, but just got back to the computer an hour ago. My father is a divorce attorney, and I worked in his office for a long time. I believe we also have some family law paralegals around here as well. If you would feel comfortable sharing more, we might be able to point you in the right direction. Just stuff like what you've done so far, accounts that you've taken money out of etc, and what he's done so far as well. I would also like to point you in the direction of martindale.com where you can look at his attorney's peer review rating and the attorney you're going to meet with's peer review rating. It also gives you what is essentially their resumes, educations and accomplishments. I wish PMs existed here so I could give you a referral.


Whatever you do, do not sign anything until you have your own attorney look it over.


Good luck and come here if you need anything at all. We are here for you.

Freke, is it necessary for her to have conversations with the XH directly? Or is it possible, and workable, that he just call her lawyers direct?
Would that save a lot of angst (admittedly, I am only up to page four of this thread, so I don't know if I'm update here!)
Also, I'll second Steel, who says that although you are young to be divorcing, your youth is really a blessing in disguise, in relation to this experience!

ETA: ok, I see he's come into the house while she is not present, and taken her stuff, against the understanding they had... hmmm, in this case, would it still be best to negotiate just through a lawyer? I mean, he obviously took her personal effects just to be spiteful, and to hurt her. It seems he will take every opportunity to make her upset..?

I haven't married anyone that seems disfunctional like this, but I did know a guy once. It was difficult to keep him at arms length, as he WAS controlling, demanding/intimidating and, yes, spiteful. I was drawn into a web with him, it was hard and scary to escape. And, boy! Did he try to make me pay!

Eventually, the anger and frustration will subside. Unsurprisingly, it was quite easy to get over the guy disappearing from my life (ah, sweet relief!) but the desire to squeeze his brains out his ears did linger on for quite some time.
My greatest regret in the 'relationship': that I did not key his car while I had the chance!

actually, just joking (I think)

So chin up Jo, look around the city square, and reflect on how many women, from all walks and backgrounds, have experienced 'creeps' of their very own! You are not alone, although in your day to day life, it might feel as if no-one else will understand!

 

[D2B]

Just wanted to send my positive thoughts. You are an amazing woman, stay strong and you have a shiny future ahead of you

d2b

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I keep hearing these awfully suspicious things ... like taking furniture, jewels ... is it possible (even in the slightest) that he could be one of those men that have a whole other life underway?

He''s seems so crooked.

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/18/2009 2:48:33 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I keep hearing these awfully suspicious things ... like taking furniture, jewels ... is it possible (even in the slightest) that he could be one of those men that have a whole other life underway?

He''s seems so crooked.

I don''t know. I think so much of it is just from the hurt. He didn''t want this marriage to end, and I did. He''s hurting. And I think he''s trying to break my spirit. And possibly had some familial encouragment for taking things as well. I really don''t think he''s a shady guy. Although when it comes to a settlement agreement, that may be another story. He could have taken much more. Or damaged things. He left my purses. My shoes. One tv. My computer. My watches. And some other valuables. I really just think this was done out of anger and pain. I''m just really drained from the whole thing right now, and have a massive headache. I''m filling up garbage bags with all the trash that was left behind.
This weekend was probably the hardest. During the week, I have work and lots of busy things to occupy me with. But the weekend was really long. Thanks again you guys for your positive thoughts. I think I would be having a hard time getting through some of these tough days without you all.

 

[Harriet]

Joflier,
What did your attorney say about your responsibility for his debt? Separately, if you haven't already done so, you may want to make a list of your marital property.

 

[Haven]

Just wanted to let you know I''m thinking of you, jo. You are being so strong, you should be proud of yourself.

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/18/2009 9:49:27 PM
Author: Harriet
Joflier,
What did your attorney say about your responsibility for his debt? Separately, if you haven''t already done so, you may want to make a list of your marital property.

Hi Harriet

She said that I may be protected personally, because almost all of his debt has been done through LLC.''s. But its hard to say for sure. We don''t have too much for actual marital property. At least as far as I''m aware. I''ve never signed for anything besides the house and my SUV.

 

[Kelli]

I just saw this thread for the first time and I''m so sorry you''re going through all this!

It does seem that you''re handling it as well as possible and that you''re staying strong and not caving to his bullying. Good for you!

 

[babysteps]

Hi Joflier, just wanted to send a hug and good wishes to you as you go through this hard process. You sound blessed to have supportive family, and so wise to have gotten some counseling and some solid legal advice from the get-go . . . I think looking out for your own best interests and being self-protective is a great head start toward healing and moving towards the future happiness you deserve. Wishing you good thoughts!

 

[ksinger]

Just reading through to see how you''re doing. All the responses got me thinking and remembering, especially about the lonliness issue. I just know that I was far LESS lonely after I got divorced. How strange was that? I found I was pretty good company actually, and that my peace was so much more important than having another body in the room. I''m not saying you have to always be alone of course, but I hope you find that peace and contentment that I did, and aren''t lonely. Family always helps there. My mom and I would run out 2 nights a week and comb through antique stores as a distraction from reality. It was great fun, and I found some really great lamps during that time.

I guess I have some really good memories from that time too...

And as a PS girl, I hope you get your jewelry back ASAP! What a cruddy thing to do.

 

[Fly Girl]

Just read this thread and want to send you support during this difficult time.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 1/18/2009 10:06:13 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/18/2009 9:49:27 PM
Author: Harriet
Joflier,
What did your attorney say about your responsibility for his debt? Separately, if you haven''t already done so, you may want to make a list of your marital property.

Hi Harriet

She said that I may be protected personally, because almost all of his debt has been done through LLC.''s. But its hard to say for sure. We don''t have too much for actual marital property. At least as far as I''m aware. I''ve never signed for anything besides the house and my SUV.

That sounds about right. Hang it there, ok?

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/19/2009 10:59:52 AM
Author: Harriet

Date: 1/18/2009 10:06:13 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/18/2009 9:49:27 PM
Author: Harriet
Joflier,
What did your attorney say about your responsibility for his debt? Separately, if you haven''t already done so, you may want to make a list of your marital property.

Hi Harriet

She said that I may be protected personally, because almost all of his debt has been done through LLC.''s. But its hard to say for sure. We don''t have too much for actual marital property. At least as far as I''m aware. I''ve never signed for anything besides the house and my SUV.

That sounds about right. Hang it there, ok?

Trying. That''s about all I can do. Keep trying.

 

[Harriet]

I know.

 

[2Artists]

Just wanted to pop over here and say that I am thinking of you today.

Mrs.2Artists

 

[tlh]

Date: 1/18/2009 9:39:22 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/18/2009 2:48:33 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I keep hearing these awfully suspicious things ... like taking furniture, jewels ... is it possible (even in the slightest) that he could be one of those men that have a whole other life underway?

He''s seems so crooked.

I don''t know. I think so much of it is just from the hurt. He didn''t want this marriage to end, and I did. He''s hurting. And I think he''s trying to break my spirit. And possibly had some familial encouragment for taking things as well. I really don''t think he''s a shady guy. Although when it comes to a settlement agreement, that may be another story. He could have taken much more. Or damaged things. He left my purses. My shoes. One tv. My computer. My watches. And some other valuables. I really just think this was done out of anger and pain. I''m just really drained from the whole thing right now, and have a massive headache. I''m filling up garbage bags with all the trash that was left behind.
This weekend was probably the hardest. During the week, I have work and lots of busy things to occupy me with. But the weekend was really long. Thanks again you guys for your positive thoughts. I think I would be having a hard time getting through some of these tough days without you all.

I think you are being very positive about this all. You are a very strong and amazing woman. I think you''ll get through this just fine. In some ways, you have an advantage that you wanted to end things. I am not saying that makes it any easier - but it makes you a remarkable woman, to notice his pain - and lashing out at you. That will make dealing with him through attnys that much less complicated. Anywho, sometimes a little music makes things better... I like Bob Dylan''s Tangled up in blue. But sometimes there are more fun songs to listen to - that kinda get you outta the funk. Maybe a little Alanis Morrissette''s Otta Know?? Christina Agulara''s fighter? You know a Power to the Woman kinda thing? Might help making filling the trash bags a little more cathartic. If you think of the trash bags as the BAD memories and saying goodbye... that might make this a really positive experience. I think you are doing great. Goodbyes are never easy... but once you are past this, you will be that much stronger. HUGS!

 

[SparklyLibra]

Hey Joflier

Never really e-met but I just wanted to send u a GREAT BIG (((((((HUG)))))).

~SL.

 

[Elmorton]

Hi Jolifer - just doing the same as so many others. Just stopping by to say ((((hugs)))).

 

[NOYFB]

I''m so sorry, sweetie!

 

[iluvcarats]

I am so sorry to hear this Joflier. ((((hugs)))

 

[KimberlyH]

Jodi, you remain in my thoughts. I''m sure the waves of emotion (joy, sadness, frustration, etc.) are difficult to navigate. Put yourself first, do what feels right (be alone, or surrounded by friends and family, cry, scream, celebrate, whatever) and know you have lots of support.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 1/19/2009 7:26:48 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Jodi, you remain in my thoughts. I''m sure the waves of emotion (joy, sadness, frustration, etc.) are difficult to navigate. Put yourself first, do what feels right (be alone, or surrounded by friends and family, cry, scream, celebrate, whatever) and know you have lots of support.

Ditto to Kim - we are all thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. I so admire your strength and spirit and I know it will see you through this ordeal.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

more {{{{{hugs}}}}}!!!!!

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 1/19/2009 7:41:57 PM
Author: AmberGretchen

Date: 1/19/2009 7:26:48 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Jodi, you remain in my thoughts. I''m sure the waves of emotion (joy, sadness, frustration, etc.) are difficult to navigate. Put yourself first, do what feels right (be alone, or surrounded by friends and family, cry, scream, celebrate, whatever) and know you have lots of support.

Ditto to Kim - we are all thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. I so admire your strength and spirit and I know it will see you through this ordeal.

I couldn''t of said it better - Jodi, I''m sincerely sorry you are having to go through this, my thoughts are with you.

And btw, I can''t believe the man took your Diamonds!!

doesn''t he know you are a PS''er?!

Please take care
(hugs)

 

[joflier]

Thanks again everyone for your hugs! Its very uplifting. I spent all afternoon in super cleaning mode. Trying to make my house feel like a home again. Kinda hard with only about 1/4 of the furniture left, but its coming together a bit more. It''ll take some time, I''m sure. But I did get my camera back! I traded it for some important stuff he got in the mail.

Tried for the TV too, but no dice.