I need some encouragment - big time.

[joflier]

Thanks again, each and all for your kindness and support. I just don''t think I can ever describe to you how helpful you''ve all been for me. I really and truely don''t know what I would''ve done this week without you guys and gals! I just feel such a boost of strength and independence.
Last night, I was thinking about things, and our relationship and what not, and I decided to google emotional abuse......just out of curiosity. And reading some of the articles that came up, I was just like "whoa!" Probably 75% of the things talked about here are things that I''ve felt and experienced. Not to an extreme degree, by any means, but certainly that has influenced my "fear" of getting out of this situation. After reading that, I just started smiling. And I couldn''t stop. I thought to myself, wow, I''m free. I''m out and I''m free. I''ve quite seriously been smiling ever since. I feel like I''ve had this great awakening. This revelation. And I couldn''t be more content.

So, my verizon network,

.......the attorney appt. went ok. I really like her. She seems very knowledgable, kind, and sharp. But at this point, I can''t go any further, until I receive his financial disclosure statement. (which the paperwork that he wanted me to sign - says that I did). So that''s the next step. And then look that over and see what''s there. Or not there. Being that he''s so anxious to get this done fast, hopefully he won''t drag his feet on that. We shall see.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 1/16/2009 1:10:30 PM
Author: joflier
Thanks again, each and all for your kindness and support. I just don''t think I can ever describe to you how helpful you''ve all been for me. I really and truely don''t know what I would''ve done this week without you guys and gals! I just feel such a boost of strength and independence.
Last night, I was thinking about things, and our relationship and what not, and I decided to google emotional abuse......just out of curiosity. And reading some of the articles that came up, I was just like ''whoa!'' Probably 75% of the things talked about here are things that I''ve felt and experienced. Not to an extreme degree, by any means, but certainly that has influenced my ''fear'' of getting out of this situation. After reading that, I just started smiling. And I couldn''t stop. I thought to myself, wow, I''m free. I''m out and I''m free. I''ve quite seriously been smiling ever since. I feel like I''ve had this great awakening. This revelation. And I couldn''t be more content.

So, my verizon network,

.......the attorney appt. went ok. I really like her. She seems very knowledgable, kind, and sharp. But at this point, I can''t go any further, until I receive his financial disclosure statement. (which the paperwork that he wanted me to sign - says that I did). So that''s the next step. And then look that over and see what''s there. Or not there. Being that he''s so anxious to get this done fast, hopefully he won''t drag his feet on that. We shall see.

What a revelation! Good for you - and I''m glad your lawyer is looking out for you.

 

[Erin]

I''m glad you''re finding liberation in this. Have a great weekend. Do something nice for yourself or go out and kick your heels a little. You''ve got a bit of a battle ahead of you, but I''d celebrate your freedom - just a little.

 

[fieryred33143]

Joflier-Good to hear from you about what''s going on! Keep us posted!!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

JO!!!!! I''m so glad it went well this morning!!!

Date: 1/16/2009 1:10:30 PM
Author: joflier
Thanks again, each and all for your kindness and support. I just don''t think I can ever describe to you how helpful you''ve all been for me. I really and truely don''t know what I would''ve done this week without you guys and gals! I just feel such a boost of strength and independence.
Last night, I was thinking about things, and our relationship and what not, and I decided to google emotional abuse......just out of curiosity. And reading some of the articles that came up, I was just like ''whoa!'' Probably 75% of the things talked about here are things that I''ve felt and experienced. Not to an extreme degree, by any means, but certainly that has influenced my ''fear'' of getting out of this situation. After reading that, I just started smiling. And I couldn''t stop. I thought to myself, wow, I''m free. I''m out and I''m free. I''ve quite seriously been smiling ever since. I feel like I''ve had this great awakening. This revelation. And I couldn''t be more content.

So, my verizon network,

.......the attorney appt. went ok. I really like her. She seems very knowledgable, kind, and sharp. But at this point, I can''t go any further, until I receive his financial disclosure statement. (which the paperwork that he wanted me to sign - says that I did). So that''s the next step. And then look that over and see what''s there. Or not there. Being that he''s so anxious to get this done fast, hopefully he won''t drag his feet on that. We shall see.

Ya know, that''s EXACTLY what happened to me, too! I had been thinking all along that there was something wrong with ME, and that''s why the marriage wasn''t working . . . that XH was right and I really WAS the problem. I read some things online one day about abuse (emotional, verbal, physical, financial, and sexual), and it just DAWNED on me! THIS is what''s been going on all this time . . . THIS is what was wrong with the relationship, and I was RIGHT to leave him!!! The problem WASN''T ME . . . it was HIM all along!!!

It''s amazing how much someone in an abusive relationship can be brainwashed by the abuser. I really think they prey on our sensitivities, and nothing is off-limits to them. They can figure out which buttons to push and how exactly to manipulate us to get the results they want, and they take full advantage of that.

Jo, I''m so glad you were able to get out of that relationship! Thank God you realized what was going on, and that you were able to do something to stop it! When you posted that he had basically planned everything out about your wedding before he even proposed to you, that set off HUGE red flags for me. I kept wondering how much worse he must be, and I was so unbelievably worried for you. I knew, of course, that the wedding thing was just one thing that you happened to tell us in passing, and that there must be SO much more going on under the surface. I knew this, because that used to be my life too.

You''ve come a long way, baby!!! ((((HUGS))))

 

[panda08]

So glad to hear you''re feeling better! You have more inner strength than you know! It''s great that your parents have been so supportive and that you''ve seen a counselor and lawyer. Take your time, to heal yourself and while you''re dealing with the divorce. Don''t let your soon to be ex rush you into anything.

As Winston Churchill said, "If you''re going through hell, keep going. " Hang in there. **HUGS**

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:28:58 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/14/2009 2:11:08 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Ohhhhh, this is EXACTLY what I was thinking!!! I kept thinking, ''This JERK basically dictated the details of Jo''s wedding to her, which he had all figured out before he even proposed! I can just imagine how being married to him must have been!''

And whatever you do, DON''T buy his sad little sob story about how everything is going to fall apart with his business if you don''t sign the divorce papers like yesterday. From what you said in your post, it sounds like he''s trying to tell you that the lenders involved in these transactions will only approve him for a loan if he is divorced. That just doesn''t happen. Lenders are usually much more inclined to DENY someone who is divorced, since there''s only one income and no potential for a second income unless/until the person gets married. In fact, I would be surprised if C didn''t give the lenders your income info in order to get approved for the loans in the first place! Definitely sounds like there''s something shady going on here.

Jo, I know these words will sound hollow to you right now, but I think you''ll find that this divorce is one of the best things that ever happened to you. I might be way off-base here (and if so I apologize), but I think C and my XH are very similar people. My XH was extremely controlling and abusive and it took me a long time to figure out that the problems in our relationship WEREN''T MY FAULT and that I deserved so much better. Trust me when I say that YOU DESERVE BETTER TOO!!! And I know it doesn''t feel like it right now, but ''better'' IS out there. I promise. This isn''t an ending for you . . . it''s a new beginning!

Damn, I wish I could beat him up for you!!!

Hee hee. You make me laugh. Right now, I''m feeling pretty tough and mighty. We''ll see how I feel in the morning. I''m just steeling myself to ignore his sob story and just worry about myself. When I got home from work tonight, my mom and dad were already here changing the locks for me. And my mom even did the dishes (he left a mess in the kitchen from feeding his family/moving crew when he left) not that that''s anything new.......anyhow, and she brought a vacuum cleaner to clean my floors. (he took the one we had, and I don''t know that I''ve ever even seen him use a vacuum before). Actually, I don''t know if I posted this or not, but when he moved out, we agreed that he only wanted a dresser, desk and some of his misc. items. Well, he took the majority of everything. I still have my bed and the couches and kitchen table. But not much more. He even took one of my erings and wedding bands. Well, that''s how the cookie rolls I guess.
And I agree wholeheartedly, that this is going to be a monumental turning point in my life. For the good!

Jo . . . you mean HE TOOK DIAMONDS?!?!?!?! Oh, now that''s IT!!! It is ON like DONKEY KONG!!!

 

[pyramid]

joflier

I am going through this same thing just now. What has helped me is I went to see an organisation here in the UK called Support Training and had appointments over a few months from a very good training co-ordinator discussing things like Positive Thinking, Low Self-Esteem, Insecurity. I think it was the Co-ordinator''s personal skill or just the timing when I went but after the first appointment I came out feelling better than i had in years. I have also googled on the internet and found information about these things at different websites there is also a site for the course I got from the Training co-ordinator it is called Positive Moves.

I feel although I am going through this and will be more involved with solicitors with the divorce that I am more confident in my self than I have been in years and maybe ever, that I know I am doing the right thing and am in the right place and that I now regret ever marrying this man who I felt heartbroken about and wanted to be with only about 10 months ago. He however cheated on me and that was my no return point even if he had wanted to which he didn''t but now I don''t care and I am glad he didn''t.

I hope you will feel as good as I do in the future. Another tip is to keep telling yourself the words ''Be Positive" that is what worked for me and when I wakened in the mornings feeling down and told myself this it made me feel better, also trying to smile does help something I always thought was silly but if you smile to yourself it does eventually make you FEEL happier. Deep breathing is also a good thing because it takes away any panic and that is what I found out made me feel down when I would think it was something else like losing him but it was the panic in myself that gave me that feeling and not the loss of him.

Look after yourself and remember that difficult things like this makes a person stronger and it does. It has cured me from ever feeling lonely, I used to feel that way when I was on my own before or even with him, but when you start to love yourself you are secure in yourself and never feel it as there is always a hobby you can pick up. I really think insecurity may be the cause of loneliness in a lot of ways.

 

[musey]

Joflier, I just saw this. I''m so sorry to hear you''re going through a divorce, but glad that you''re finding peace with it. Big hugs!

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/16/2009 1:33:50 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Jo . . . you mean HE TOOK DIAMONDS?!?!?!?! Oh, now that''s IT!!! It is ON like DONKEY KONG!!!

OMG. You just made me bust up! That is like my favorite catch phrase lately!!!!!

And yes - he took diamonds. And some rubies and sapphires too.

Heck, he even took some fakie stuff!

 

[pyramid]

A huge lesson is 'Always trust your gut feeling' if I had done this I could have saved myself years of suffering. I will never ask questions and feel uncomfortable with the answers I get and still stay with a man now. I mean, he cheated with her in front of me at his families gatherings that is something I now recognise as someone of very poor character. No loss and a bonus that he is gone. For all others who may go through this type of thing, I can tell you from experience that you can save yourself years of wasted time by trusting your gut feeling. From now on I will only give the benefit of the doubt once and if I get that gut feeling again that is it finished. I will never feel down about something like that again for more than six months. The positive thing is I will put myself first now, and if that person does not treat me in a good manner I am better off without them.

If only I was 18 again with the knowledge I have now in my forties.

Yes I also admit and always have admitted my faults and he knew that however, as time has gone on, I have discovered things he did to me, which I just accepted at the time and now I can see them for the faults he had. Don't take the blame for anything that is NOT your fault and be open within yourself for what is. Best wishes to you and remember you are not alone, many people go through this and as in my case sometimes it is for the better.

 

[Rhea]

I''m sorry that you''re going through this and glad that you''ve found yourself a knowledgeable lawyer.

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/16/2009 1:50:26 PM
Author: Pyramid

joflier

I am going through this same thing just now. What has helped me is I went to see an organisation here in the UK called Support Training and had appointments over a few months from a very good training co-ordinator discussing things like Positive Thinking, Low Self-Esteem, Insecurity. I think it was the Co-ordinator''s personal skill or just the timing when I went but after the first appointment I came out feelling better than i had in years. I have also googled on the internet and found information about these things at different websites there is also a site for the course I got from the Training co-ordinator it is called Positive Moves.

I feel although I am going through this and will be more involved with solicitors with the divorce that I am more confident in my self than I have been in years and maybe ever, that I know I am doing the right thing and am in the right place and that I now regret ever marrying this man who I felt heartbroken about and wanted to be with only about 10 months ago. He however cheated on me and that was my no return point even if he had wanted to which he didn''t but now I don''t care and I am glad he didn''t.

I hope you will feel as good as I do in the future. Another tip is to keep telling yourself the words ''Be Positive'' that is what worked for me and when I wakened in the mornings feeling down and told myself this it made me feel better, also trying to smile does help something I always thought was silly but if you smile to yourself it does eventually make you FEEL happier. Deep breathing is also a good thing because it takes away any panic and that is what I found out made me feel down when I would think it was something else like losing him but it was the panic in myself that gave me that feeling and not the loss of him.

Look after yourself and remember that difficult things like this makes a person stronger and it does. It has cured me from ever feeling lonely, I used to feel that way when I was on my own before or even with him, but when you start to love yourself you are secure in yourself and never feel it as there is always a hobby you can pick up. I really think insecurity may be the cause of loneliness in a lot of ways.

Sorry to hear that your dealing with this situation as well. It sounds like your in a good place though, so that''s a big positive! Live and learn, right? Sounds like you''ve found some good ways to cope. I guess its a situation where we really have look within ourselves to find that inner strength that sometimes we forget is there.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Joflier, I just wanted to say that I''m so, so glad you are handling this they way you are...you are a strong, smart woman and you''re doing everything RIGHT! You should be very proud of yourself!!

 

[coatimundi_org]

Huge Hugs Jodi! I''m so proud of you! You are handling this in such a composed and thoughtful way. You are amazing, hon! xo

 

[cammy85]

joflier, just saw this and wanted to send some hugs your way. I''m glad you had an epiphany and are realizing that this is not your fault.

Sending you hugs!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/16/2009 3:00:10 PM
Author: coatimundi
Huge Hugs Jodi! I''m so proud of you! You are handling this in such a composed and thoughtful way. You are amazing, hon! xo

Ditto!!!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 1/16/2009 2:01:45 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/16/2009 1:33:50 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Jo . . . you mean HE TOOK DIAMONDS?!?!?!?! Oh, now that''s IT!!! It is ON like DONKEY KONG!!!

OMG. You just made me bust up! That is like my favorite catch phrase lately!!!!!

And yes - he took diamonds. And some rubies and sapphires too.

Heck, he even took some fakie stuff!

HA! It worked! Made ya laugh!

Seriously, I can''t believe he took your jewelry. He had absolutely NO right to do that. What a jacka$$!!!

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/16/2009 3:27:59 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 1/16/2009 2:01:45 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/16/2009 1:33:50 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Jo . . . you mean HE TOOK DIAMONDS?!?!?!?! Oh, now that''s IT!!! It is ON like DONKEY KONG!!!

OMG. You just made me bust up! That is like my favorite catch phrase lately!!!!!

And yes - he took diamonds. And some rubies and sapphires too.

Heck, he even took some fakie stuff!

HA! It worked! Made ya laugh!

Seriously, I can''t believe he took your jewelry. He had absolutely NO right to do that. What a jacka$$!!!

Pretty retarded, huh? Then when we met at his attorney, I said that I wanted the ering back. And he told me that that was a stone that was intended to stay in his family. And my response? "Well, gee, I''m pretty sure that before you had it set, you had that stone up for consignment sale in a jewlery store!"

What a line.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 1/16/2009 3:39:54 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/16/2009 3:27:59 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 1/16/2009 2:01:45 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 1/16/2009 1:33:50 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Jo . . . you mean HE TOOK DIAMONDS?!?!?!?! Oh, now that''s IT!!! It is ON like DONKEY KONG!!!

OMG. You just made me bust up! That is like my favorite catch phrase lately!!!!!

And yes - he took diamonds. And some rubies and sapphires too.

Heck, he even took some fakie stuff!

HA! It worked! Made ya laugh!

Seriously, I can''t believe he took your jewelry. He had absolutely NO right to do that. What a jacka$$!!!

Pretty retarded, huh? Then when we met at his attorney, I said that I wanted the ering back. And he told me that that was a stone that was intended to stay in his family. And my response? ''Well, gee, I''m pretty sure that before you had it set, you had that stone up for consignment sale in a jewlery store!''

What a line.

OMG! Yeah, I just BET it has TONS of sentimental value to him. Riiiiight.

And, OK, so let''s play his game for a second . . . he wants the e-ring back because it''s a family heirloom. What about all the other jewelry he took?!?!?! GRRR!!!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Oh, Jodi, hun! I''m so sorry to hear you''re going through this, but after reading through the thread, it looks like you''re taking all of the right steps that you need to in order to heal yourself. We''re all here for you, dear! (((((((hugs))))))))

 

[decodelighted]

With all this talk of consignment stores & jewelry pilfering ... am starting to think this guy might have a substance abuse or gambling problem. Ya think?? Possible? In retrospect?

A friend of a friend divorced a guy who was bleeding her and her wealthy family dry - for drugs - but it took them years to figure it out. She''s remarried now & much happier (and wealthier

).

 

[tlh]

Date: 1/16/2009 1:10:30 PM
Author: joflier
Thanks again, each and all for your kindness and support. I just don''t think I can ever describe to you how helpful you''ve all been for me. I really and truely don''t know what I would''ve done this week without you guys and gals! I just feel such a boost of strength and independence.
Last night, I was thinking about things, and our relationship and what not, and I decided to google emotional abuse......just out of curiosity. And reading some of the articles that came up, I was just like ''whoa!'' Probably 75% of the things talked about here are things that I''ve felt and experienced. Not to an extreme degree, by any means, but certainly that has influenced my ''fear'' of getting out of this situation. After reading that, I just started smiling. And I couldn''t stop. I thought to myself, wow, I''m free. I''m out and I''m free. I''ve quite seriously been smiling ever since. I feel like I''ve had this great awakening. This revelation. And I couldn''t be more content.

So, my verizon network,

.......the attorney appt. went ok. I really like her. She seems very knowledgable, kind, and sharp. But at this point, I can''t go any further, until I receive his financial disclosure statement. (which the paperwork that he wanted me to sign - says that I did). So that''s the next step. And then look that over and see what''s there. Or not there. Being that he''s so anxious to get this done fast, hopefully he won''t drag his feet on that. We shall see.

YAY! I am soo happy to hear that. I do hope that things go well after the disclosure statement comes forward... funny that it SAYS you received it when you haven''t... hmmm why the delay? I think he was trying to snowball you.
Oh and I don''t like him for taking your baubles. What a t*rd fergusson. Glad you found your meanie pants. They really make your butt look GOOD!

 

[Dogmom]

Joflier, I''m sorry that you are going through this, but you sound very strong and in control. I went through a divorce a few years ago and while I was the one that left, it was still very hard. Be good to yourself and don''t ever be afraid to lean on your support system. Take care, hon.

(((( Joflier ))))

 

[platinumrock]

I just wanted to see how you are doing. Stay strong!!

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/16/2009 4:37:08 PM
Author: decodelighted
With all this talk of consignment stores & jewelry pilfering ... am starting to think this guy might have a substance abuse or gambling problem. Ya think?? Possible? In retrospect?

A friend of a friend divorced a guy who was bleeding her and her wealthy family dry - for drugs - but it took them years to figure it out. She''s remarried now & much happier (and wealthier

).

No, I''m very confident that he doesn''t have any gambling or drug issues. He''s a wheeler-dealer, bottom line. So he''s been involved in a lot of various businesses. Always buying and selling. That''s what he thrives on.

 

[platinumrock]

Date: 1/16/2009 1:10:30 PM
Author: joflier
Thanks again, each and all for your kindness and support. I just don''t think I can ever describe to you how helpful you''ve all been for me. I really and truely don''t know what I would''ve done this week without you guys and gals! I just feel such a boost of strength and independence.
Last night, I was thinking about things, and our relationship and what not, and I decided to google emotional abuse......just out of curiosity. And reading some of the articles that came up, I was just like ''whoa!'' Probably 75% of the things talked about here are things that I''ve felt and experienced. Not to an extreme degree, by any means, but certainly that has influenced my ''fear'' of getting out of this situation. After reading that, I just started smiling. And I couldn''t stop. I thought to myself, wow, I''m free. I''m out and I''m free. I''ve quite seriously been smiling ever since. I feel like I''ve had this great awakening. This revelation. And I couldn''t be more content.

So, my verizon network,

.......the attorney appt. went ok. I really like her. She seems very knowledgable, kind, and sharp. But at this point, I can''t go any further, until I receive his financial disclosure statement. (which the paperwork that he wanted me to sign - says that I did). So that''s the next step. And then look that over and see what''s there. Or not there. Being that he''s so anxious to get this done fast, hopefully he won''t drag his feet on that. We shall see.

I have to choose my words wisely and carefully with my first post because I didn''t know your situation. Now that I have a better idea, you ABSOLUTELY are doing the brave, smart and right thing by getting yourself out of an unhealthy marriage. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

And the fact that you feel so free and happy is a strong indication that you made the right decision.

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/16/2009 4:41:49 PM
Author: tlh
YAY! I am soo happy to hear that. I do hope that things go well after the disclosure statement comes forward... funny that it SAYS you received it when you haven''t... hmmm why the delay? I think he was trying to snowball you.
Oh and I don''t like him for taking your baubles. What a t*rd fergusson. Glad you found your meanie pants. They really make your butt look GOOD!

You are SOOOOO right!!!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Glad you had a good appointment today and have such a great attitude, too!

 

[pjean]

Wow, you''re having quite a week - from strength to strength. I''m glad to hear that the counseling appointment went well, and also that your lawyer seems like she''ll be good.

Plus, holy insightfulness, Batman.