Interracial Dating...

[iheartscience]

As for the original topic, I am not in an interracial relationship, but it really blows my mind that people in interracial relationships still get looks or attitude about it to this day. Kind of crazy...I have heard from a friend of mine who is Caucasian and is married to an African-American man that they do get the most attitude from African-American women. Of course there are plenty of racist Caucasians out there, but that has been her experience.

Plus her daughter, who is biracial, had a lot of trouble in her high school with some African-American girls in her grade. A group of them apparently disliked her just because she was biracial and got a lot of attention from the African-American boys in the same school. Some of these girls actually followed her home from school and jumped her in the alley behind her apartment, and it was so bad that she had to do home school for her senior year of high school because she was scared to go back. Another friend of mine, who calls herself "brown" (she is African-American, Native American and Caucasian) told me that she also had a lot of problems with the African-American girls in her high school for the same reasons.

Eventually I don''t think interracial dating/marriage will be an issue because there are currently so many interracial couples that someday everyone will probably have a mixed racial background. Plus I really think race is a social construct, but that''s beside the point for this discussion, I guess!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 2/6/2008 9:23:58 PM
Author: thing2of2
As for the original topic, I am not in an interracial relationship, but it really blows my mind that people in interracial relationships still get looks or attitude about it to this day. Kind of crazy...I have heard from a friend of mine who is Caucasian and is married to an African-American man that they do get the most attitude from African-American women. Of course there are plenty of racist Caucasians out there, but that has been her experience.


Plus her daughter, who is biracial, had a lot of trouble in her high school with some African-American girls in her grade. A group of them apparently disliked her just because she was biracial and got a lot of attention from the African-American boys in the same school. Some of these girls actually followed her home from school and jumped her in the alley behind her apartment, and it was so bad that she had to do home school for her senior year of high school because she was scared to go back. Another friend of mine, who calls herself ''brown'' (she is African-American, Native American and Caucasian) told me that she also had a lot of problems with the African-American girls in her high school for the same reasons.


Eventually I don''t think interracial dating/marriage will be an issue because there are currently so many interracial couples that someday everyone will probably have a mixed racial background. Plus I really think race is a social construct, but that''s beside the point for this discussion, I guess!

Well the problem (that your friend''s daughter had) is that there is a lot of racism within the black race. Black guys have a tendency to like black girls with lighter skin and "good hair" (which means long or with a nice texture). I am a fair skinned black girl with long, natural hair. I got a lot of the same crap in school, never to the point of getting beat up (I can actually hold my own, most girls were afraid of me). It''s so ridiculous. When people aren''t happy with themselves, they take it out on other people.

 

[WishfulThinking]

I am not currently in an interracial relationship, and haven''t been long term, so I don''t have first-hand experience with race, specifically. It makes me so unbelievably sad and disappointed to hear and see [which I do, often] people acting so hatefully and inappropriately about other peoples'' relationships. I see so many couples who are so obviously in love, and it blows my mind that other people would care so much about something that is not their business in the least.

I can relate on some level, since I am in a lesbian relationship, and we often get horrible looks and comments from people when we''re out together. In Massachusetts, no less. Ugh. I can''t believe people sometimes. Love is love is love and I wish the whole world would finally come to grips with that. Hopefully sometime not too far in the future the world will be a more hospitable place for all people in love, regardless of things like race and sexual orientation. Wouldn''t that be nice?

Date: 2/6/2008 4:04:32 PM
Author: Starset Princess

I think it comes from the deep rooted feeling that like should be with like. On a surface level everyone''s okay with it. On a personal level there is resentment and jealousy. Inside they''re questioning - what''s so special about you that you can''t be with your own kind? Do you have a problem with your own kind? Are they not good enough for you? Are you just experiementing? Are you doing it for shock value cause surely you can''t have THAT much in common.

So ironic considering my contribution to this thread!

 

[misscuppycake]

I''m in an interracial relationship and even though SOMEtimes we get stares in public, the biggest problem is definitely with my parents. I come from a full Chinese family and my boyfriend is Caucasian. Generally, Asians wants their kids to marry Asian people so this has never gone over well. Asians tend to think they have a better sense of education and financial status, so the issues go far beyond skin colour and into very ugly territories. We''ve learned to deal with it over the years, sometimes we even joke about it if the mood is light. It can be very trying though.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/6/2008 3:49:58 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Nessvan, where do ya live? Maybe they were looking at you because you''re so gorgeous?

We''re an interracial couple, but I''m Korean and he''s white. Maybe it''s more ''accepted''. Or maybe it''s because we live in LA and no one seems to care. I sometimes forget I''m Korean. He sometimes forgets he''s white. I KNOW I sometimes forget he''s white...he loves Korean food so darn much. In the beginning of our relationship, I''d catch myself speaking to him in Korean...

No cultural clashes in our familes. My mom even said she''s so excited to meet TTot, because half babies are so much cuter than asian babies. I told her she''s biased (and I don''t agree with that, btw) and I''d like to hear her tell my brother that, since his wife is Korean! TGuy''s family is quite simply the best. Even his 82 year old grandma is so excited to have a part ''oriental'' great grandchild.

However, I daresay if I were Japanese, I *might* have had problems with TGuy''s family (older generation). Apparently his grand-uncle suffered a lot during the war at the hands of the Japanese and died shortly thereafter. Everyone has their prejudices, I suppose.

On the first point, I thought the same exact thing! I saw your pic on the new "introduce yourself" thread and thought, "Darn! That''s who I want to look like in my next life!" My looks are pretty plain as far as looks go, and I would love to look exotically beautiful like you, Beyonce or Rashida Jones. Whenever I see someone on the street or out and about who is exotic, biracial or interesting-looking, I can''t help but stare, but not in a rude way. More like admiring.

On the second point, my little brother was married for almost 12 years to a Mexican girl. They met in college. My little brother is very "white" - he has blonde hair and green eyes. His ex is very Hispanic-looking - very dark, curvy, with very ethnic features. He dated her for about a year before he brought her home on a break to meet the family. All the time he was dating her (because my other brother and I would fill our mom in), my mother was, like, "When are we going to get to meet your girlfriend?" My brother was almost afraid to bring her home because, while my family is not prejudiced, we are also very "white" - no one in our family married anyone Hispanic, Black or Asian. Well....my brother brought her home and she fit right in with all of us! Everyone really liked her. My mom confronted my brother later and asked him why he didn''t bring her home sooner, and he said, "Well...I was afraid you wouldn''t accept her because she''s Mexican." My mother almost threw a fit on him! She said something to him like, "She''s a nice girl...and didn''t I bring you up not to judge people on color or race?" Like I said, they eventually got married. Their son is a mixture of Irish, Scottish, German, Ukranian, Mexican and Native American. He learned to speak Spanish and English at the same time. That child is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. The reasons they broke up had nothing to do with color or race. More like - my brother is kind of a slacker and she got tired of it....I just think they got married too young (they were both 19). I still like her even though she''s not married to my brother anymore.

Don''t let people''s ignorance get you down. The color of one''s skin is about as significant as the color of one''s eyes. As I have posted before on other threads, it is hard enough to find true love in this world. Does it really matter what color package it comes in?

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/6/2008 9:23:58 PM
Author: thing2of2

As for the original topic, I am not in an interracial relationship, but it really blows my mind that people in interracial relationships still get looks or attitude about it to this day. Kind of crazy...I have heard from a friend of mine who is Caucasian and is married to an African-American man that they do get the most attitude from African-American women. Of course there are plenty of racist Caucasians out there, but that has been her experience.

Plus her daughter, who is biracial, had a lot of trouble in her high school with some African-American girls in her grade. A group of them apparently disliked her just because she was biracial and got a lot of attention from the African-American boys in the same school. Some of these girls actually followed her home from school and jumped her in the alley behind her apartment, and it was so bad that she had to do home school for her senior year of high school because she was scared to go back. Another friend of mine, who calls herself ''brown'' (she is African-American, Native American and Caucasian) told me that she also had a lot of problems with the African-American girls in her high school for the same reasons.

Eventually I don''t think interracial dating/marriage will be an issue because there are currently so many interracial couples that someday everyone will probably have a mixed racial background. Plus I really think race is a social construct, but that''s beside the point for this discussion, I guess!

You just reminded me of a story that I was told about 15 years ago. I worked with a Black woman who grew up in Alabama. In the 1960s, her father decided to move the family up north to New York state, because of all the Klan activity down South at that time. She said that her father wouldn''t pull the car over for them to sleep until he was past Maryland, because he was sure the Klan would ambush them. That blows my mind -- how that can happen in so-called civilized times. Meanwhile, one day in work, we were chit-chatting, and she related how she had to ground her daughter. Her daughter was 13 or 14 at the time, and she said that she grounded her for "talking ghetto." She explained that her daughter was using what she called "ignorant jive language." She then said that she asked her daughter why she was talking that way, and her daughter said, "Girls in school were making fun of me for talking white. I don''t want to be made fun of anymore." And she said that she told her daughter something to the effect of, "White is a color. You can''t speak a color. Your father and I raised you to speak like an intellegent woman. Intellegence has nothing to do with the color of ones skin, and those who judge you on that skin are not intellegent. But you will be judged on how you present yourself --- and I will not tolerate you presenting yourself like a lower class person. You need to learn to rise above lower class standards and speak with pride and intellegence." I don''t work at that job anymore but still occasionally hear from that woman. Apparently, her daughter got the message. She earned a medical scholarship to Yale. My former co-worker was extremely proud -- in her generation, a woman (nevermind a woman of color) would have never gotten a chance at a Ivy-league education.

I really think that the whole subject of interracial dating is ridiculous -- similar to the scandal my grandmother caused as a Catholic marrying a Protestant (you both believe in God...what is the issue?!!). We''re all HUMAN. Love is love. Our world has way more important problems than worrying about skin color. I remember reading somewhere that in one thousand years, all humans will have skin in a shade of tan due to intermarriage....and that''s just fine with me.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Luvz2Run]

.

 

[pinkstars]

I just had to reply, since it's not a big deal to us, but just a part of our lives.
I'm black and mexican and my BF is white. I really noticed in the beginning of our relationship that it seemed like no matter where we went everybody seemed to stare at us. But I'm not sure that if now I don't notice or don't care as much. But I'm starting to think that when people notice us, it's because he's 6'4 and I'm 5'1...But when we're out and see other interracial couples, we notice and it's very exciting for us. But being interracial has never been a problem for either of our families. None of my cousins are just black or mexican, so my family seems to be all about being interracial.

I wanted to add after reading the second page..
I moved around all through high school(Idaho, California, Ohio, Alaska) and I never had any problems with my skin color. Black people always know I'm black and just kind of rudely ask what I am, but I never experience any real racial problems. It all very interesting to me.

 

[chiquitapet]

I am white and my husband is Chinese and we had some pretty big issues when we started dating 7 years ago. My own father blackmailed me or offered rewards if I broke up with him. Things have moved on since then, my parents now love my DH and they know we`re perfect together. People used to stare at us wherever we went, but much less now (or maybe I notice it less?). Funny thing now that we`re married is that people always expect an asian girl when my name is called, and then I appear. And people just look so confused...

To be honest with you, if I was still living in Europe, I think our relationship would have had much more difficulty, but here in Australia, people are much more accepting and open to change.

 

[Erin]

Date: 2/6/2008 8:52:43 PM
Author: Luvz2Run

Date: 2/6/2008 4:04:32 PM
Author: Starset Princess
When I lived and worked in dt Chicago I went on a few dates with a very highly educated well dressed black man. He was from the UK and had an accent.
Well let me tell you. The black women who saw us out together had nothing but condescending looks for me, while the black men would either wink or scowl.

This may be a bit off topic, but I'm just curious to know why you felt the need to mention that the black man you dated was 'very highly educated.'

Sterotyping. Trying to paint the picture that he was a desirable 'catch' for his race or anyone's race.


Why?

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 2/7/2008 12:56:21 AM
Author: sandia_rose

Date: 2/6/2008 3:49:58 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Nessvan, where do ya live? Maybe they were looking at you because you''re so gorgeous?

We''re an interracial couple, but I''m Korean and he''s white. Maybe it''s more ''accepted''. Or maybe it''s because we live in LA and no one seems to care. I sometimes forget I''m Korean. He sometimes forgets he''s white. I KNOW I sometimes forget he''s white...he loves Korean food so darn much. In the beginning of our relationship, I''d catch myself speaking to him in Korean...

No cultural clashes in our familes. My mom even said she''s so excited to meet TTot, because half babies are so much cuter than asian babies. I told her she''s biased (and I don''t agree with that, btw) and I''d like to hear her tell my brother that, since his wife is Korean! TGuy''s family is quite simply the best. Even his 82 year old grandma is so excited to have a part ''oriental'' great grandchild.

However, I daresay if I were Japanese, I *might* have had problems with TGuy''s family (older generation). Apparently his grand-uncle suffered a lot during the war at the hands of the Japanese and died shortly thereafter. Everyone has their prejudices, I suppose.

On the first point, I thought the same exact thing! I saw your pic on the new ''introduce yourself'' thread and thought, ''Darn! That''s who I want to look like in my next life!'' My looks are pretty plain as far as looks go, and I would love to look exotically beautiful like you, Beyonce or Rashida Jones. Whenever I see someone on the street or out and about who is exotic, biracial or interesting-looking, I can''t help but stare, but not in a rude way. More like admiring.

On the second point, my little brother was married for almost 12 years to a Mexican girl. They met in college. My little brother is very ''white'' - he has blonde hair and green eyes. His ex is very Hispanic-looking - very dark, curvy, with very ethnic features. He dated her for about a year before he brought her home on a break to meet the family. All the time he was dating her (because my other brother and I would fill our mom in), my mother was, like, ''When are we going to get to meet your girlfriend?'' My brother was almost afraid to bring her home because, while my family is not prejudiced, we are also very ''white'' - no one in our family married anyone Hispanic, Black or Asian. Well....my brother brought her home and she fit right in with all of us! Everyone really liked her. My mom confronted my brother later and asked him why he didn''t bring her home sooner, and he said, ''Well...I was afraid you wouldn''t accept her because she''s Mexican.'' My mother almost threw a fit on him! She said something to him like, ''She''s a nice girl...and didn''t I bring you up not to judge people on color or race?'' Like I said, they eventually got married. Their son is a mixture of Irish, Scottish, German, Ukranian, Mexican and Native American. He learned to speak Spanish and English at the same time. That child is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. The reasons they broke up had nothing to do with color or race. More like - my brother is kind of a slacker and she got tired of it....I just think they got married too young (they were both 19). I still like her even though she''s not married to my brother anymore.

Don''t let people''s ignorance get you down. The color of one''s skin is about as significant as the color of one''s eyes. As I have posted before on other threads, it is hard enough to find true love in this world. Does it really matter what color package it comes in?

Bridget in Connecticut.

Awww, thanks. Very sweet of you to say. I think you are very far from plain and beautiful!

 

[nytemist]

This is something the drives me so crazy! But, unfortunately you will always have people around that believe that people should stay with their own race. Some are raised that way, others are just...ignorant or whatever.

I am black and my DH is white. He looks so Irish you''d expect him to have the accent! We encounter looks from people almost all the time, especially around the North Shore area (north of Boston) There aren''t many of my ''kind'' up here so us together gets looks. Heaven forbid we kiss each other in public! People have made incredibly rude remarks over the years we have been together. We were in a restaurant in the city and Dh got up to use the restroom. He passed by the bar where there were three black men and one made a comment to my husband- "why would you take one of our fine black women?" DH responds with ''it''s her choice.'' It gets better- the same guy then approached our table as they were leaving and said to me "why don''t you give your brothers a chance before going to the other side? I said not that it''s your business, but I already gave you a chance. This is the result.

I, for the most part, have usually dated outside my race. My father didn''t care, my mother was sort of bothered by it. Now this is just in my experience, but the black men I tried to date were very, very, possesive and way too macho for me. Like as in having him call me wondering why I wasn''t home the evening before and when I said I was out with friends, he flipped out for not asking him first and demanding to know what I wore, that sort of thing. Back in the eighties, it wasn''t a big deal in my group of friends or in my high school. But now it seems to be going backwards.

When I was in my friend''s wedding in 2003, I went to her parent''s house to drop off something for the wedding. Dh was in the car with me. She is from an Irish Catholic family and they tend to lean towards the ''stay with your own'' but they aren''t hardcore racast or anything. (she and I have been friends since 7th grade, they''re used to me now) They saw DH (then boyfriend) in the car and her mom asked who is that? My friend said that''s Ian, her nice Irish boy.'' Her mom says oh, you guys are dating? And his parents don''t mind? I had to ask ''why would they?'' I know she didn''t mean to sound harsh or anything, but it really bugged me that assumed that his parents would mind. His family loves me.

Reaction depends on where we are. Up north it''s the looks, in the city it''s glares from both black men and women and the occassional remark from black men. The only places we''ve been where no one gave a r*t''s tush were San Francisco, Montreal and London. Mixed couples everywhere. In New York however, we''ve had remarks tossed at us to the point of DH feeling a bit nervous that someone might pick a fight or something. It''s pretty sad. You figure in 2008 we should be way past this garbage.

 

[Aloros]

Well, I''m half Chinese and half Scottish, and my FI is half Mexican and half German. Nobody cares. We''re already mixed anyhow, right?

I know that when my parents started dating, they got a lot of whispers and weird looks for being an interracial couple. They lived in a small town, and both sets of parents were against it. Eventually, everyone came around.

And I definitely think I look like both my mom and dad.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/7/2008 11:27:06 AM
Author: Aloros

Well, I''m half Chinese and half Scottish, and my FI is half Mexican and half German. Nobody cares. We''re already mixed anyhow, right?

I know that when my parents started dating, they got a lot of whispers and weird looks for being an interracial couple. They lived in a small town, and both sets of parents were against it. Eventually, everyone came around.

And I definitely think I look like both my mom and dad.

This just reminded me of a very funny story from my childhood. I don''t look like either of my parents as far as my coloring (facially, I resemble my mom a little bit - not much). Both of my parents had black hair. My mom had olive skin, almost black eyes and dark curly hair - people thought she was Italian or Gypsy. My father had light skin and light green eyes. And here I am, a brown-eyed redhead with freckles. Apparently, there was a recessive gene somewhere - my father''s grandmother was a classic Irish redhead, and there have been no other redheads in the family for close to 100 years. Anyway.....

When I was a little girl, I had snow-white skin, blatant freckles and carrot-red pigtails. And my mom would take me places and people would ask her, "Is she yours?" My mom even got the "Are you the nanny?" question. One day, she decided to have fun with this. So when people asked her if I was hers, she''d reply, "No, she''s the Mailman''s." This got a lot of mileage...until someone in the neighborhood told her that the Mailman was a Black guy. Then, she changed the story to "She''s the Milkman''s." Which lasted maybe a week....until she went out one morning to get the paper off the porch and crossed paths with the Milkman....who turned out to be a Milkwoman.

I just always thought that was funny. It was probably funnier in the mid-1970s when it happened.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[misysu2]

I''m in an interracial relationship and I don''t get any remarks from either my parents or my FI''s. HOWEVER, I hear that there ARE remarks about me growing up in the midwest and my "sheltered" background....oy. I guess that''s a whole other can of worms, but it burns my britches just the same as if the remarks were racial.

 

[basil]

I''m white and my fiance is Chinese. I can''t say that I can think of any blatant discrimination we''ve encountered. But then again, I may be kind of oblivious. I think that in general, people are more accepting of whites with asians than whites with blacks or hispanics. There''s no good logic behind it, but I guess there''s a lot more history and presumed class distinctions there.

 

[Independent Gal]

Misscupcake have I ever told you that those delicious cupcakes in your avatar are making me fat? Everytime I see them I just HAVE to have something sweet to eat. Could they look any tastier?!?

But back to the topic at hand. I''m in an interethnic couple. We''re the same ''colour'' more or less, but insiders, especially my ethnic group, can easily tell he''s not "one of us". This has occasionally been an issue, and particularly because his ethnic group and mine have not had the most glorious history together. To say the least. So, FI often doesn''t want to stick around at community events because he''s afraid of what people might say or assume. And his parents apparently expressed some anxiety when we first talked about marriage that his children would be discriminated against if they were part MY ethnic group. Which is somewhere between silly and offensive. But it''s enough of an issue that, while it''s certainly not the REASON we''re having a two-part wedding, the side effect that it keeps certain survivors of a horrible conflict away from others is probably a good thing. A lot of my extended family died in that conflict.

 

[ImpatientOne]

I am Caucasian and my husband is African American. As a couple, we do not really notice any strange looks or anything where we live. There are a ton of interracial couples here and no one gives it a second thought.

I have bi-racial children ranging in age from 26-18. The oldest one is a boy and the younger two are girls. My kids have had far more issues being bi-racial than I ever would have anticipated. My son, who is very dark, was always picked on by the black boys because they thought he "acted too white". My son hated that and was forever having to defend himself. He hates being labeled as anything other than a human being. Growing up, he did not have any black friends. Seems most of the white kids had no issues with him, so all of his friends were white. Now that he is older, he has friends of many races.

My daughter''s experiences have been different. The oldest has identified more with the black culture, and most of her friends are black, even though her skin is nearly as pale as mine!!! The youngest has been hassled by both blacks and whites for being different. Every last one of her friends is of mixed race, other than her boyfriend, who is white.

I have tried to raise my kids to not look at race. Unfortunately, too many others have not raised their chhildren in the same manner. Such a shame in this day and age, IMHO!

 

[Independent Gal]

That's really sad, ImpatientOne. Hopefully it will be the same for your younger ones as it was for your oldest: that out of high school it will stop being as much of an issue?

It's interesting how much ethnicity and race can be 'forced' from the outside, even when you don't identifity with it strongly yourself. I have a colleague who grew up in Toronto, which I recently read is the most multicultural city in the world (measured by the number of people who live there who were born in a different country... more than half the city!) and he is of Sri Lankan extraction. He went to do a contract in Denmark for 8 months, and he kept getting stopped by the police and hassled everywhere, and just couldn't figure out what was going on. He told me, "Then one day I suddenly realized, oh my god, I'm brown! I look brown to them. That's why I'm getting hassled." In Toronto, at least in his part of Toronto, being brown (or green or whatever) wasn't something anyone really noticed or paid attention to because everyone is SOMETHING. But in Denmark, other people SAW him as brown and treated him differently, so he suddenly FELT brown as well. Not that he hadn't felt like a Sri Lankan (or rather Tamil)-Canadian. Just that he hadn't felt brown.

I thought that was so interesting when he told me that. Identity can be ascribed from the outside as well.

 

[Clio]

being brown (or green or whatever)

When my older daughter was in preschool, she was convinced that her (and her father''s) skin color was "darker green."

My husband can relate to your colleague''s experience. He grew up as one of just a few Asian families in his small New England hometown. When we went to San Francisco for our honeymoon, he was amazed at how nice it felt to blend in with so many other Asians. It was so amazing to him - he didn''t stand out!

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/7/2008 12:32:21 PM
Author: ImpatientOne

I have tried to raise my kids to not look at race. Unfortunately, too many others have not raised their chhildren in the same manner. Such a shame in this day and age, IMHO!

My mom raised my brothers and I that way, and my son (who will be 8 next week) has been raised that way, too. I have friends of all races and orientations, so to his viewpoint, no one person is the same and no one type is better or not as good as another. The school he goes to has a lot to do with this as well. His class is only 22 kids, but that class has a good mixture of white, black and Asian kids, with a few others in there as well. Last year, a kid from Pakistan joined his class, and there were some upper-grade kids (I think they were 5th graders) that were harassing this kid and calling him "a terrorist" because he has very Middle Eastern looks. That immediately made me want to hunt down their parents -- because kids aren't born hating...they learn it from (idiot) adults. To the school's credit, the bullies were suspended for several days, because the school has a No Tolerance policy for bullying.

The teacher took this as an opportunity to have some cultural lessons in the class. One week, they talked about the differences and similarities in the beliefs of other countries (the Pakistani kid is Muslim and there are kids in the class that are Catholic, Protestant, Hindu and Buddhist). Then another week, the kids were asked to bring in a food to share that was unique to their cultural background (my son and I made soda bread, since he is mostly Irish). I wrote her a nice note for that. People don't often realize that bigotry, bullying, sexism and racism have their roots in misunderstanding, lack of knowledge and the fact that it's easier to discriminate against someone you don't know as a person.

The thing is, we now live in a global society. It's entirely possible, given our electronic age, that you could be at your desk, working with someone in another country. I've worked for large corporations, and I've been on telecons and videocons with people in satelite offices in Germany, Japan, the UK and South America. Before that, I hung out on computer BBS systems (basically, message boards that were pre-Internet). I would routinely text chat online with people all over the place. I think it's very cool - I always enjoyed meeting and learning about cultures and people whose outlooks are different than my own. And when I pick my son up at school, I love seeing him playing on the playground with all different kinds of kids.....not realizing any differences.

It's 2008, people. There is NO excuse and NO room in this world for intolerance.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/6/2008 9:23:58 PM
Author: thing2of2
As for the original topic, I am not in an interracial relationship, but it really blows my mind that people in interracial relationships still get looks or attitude about it to this day. Kind of crazy...I have heard from a friend of mine who is Caucasian and is married to an African-American man that they do get the most attitude from African-American women. Of course there are plenty of racist Caucasians out there, but that has been her experience.

Plus her daughter, who is biracial, had a lot of trouble in her high school with some African-American girls in her grade. A group of them apparently disliked her just because she was biracial and got a lot of attention from the African-American boys in the same school. Some of these girls actually followed her home from school and jumped her in the alley behind her apartment, and it was so bad that she had to do home school for her senior year of high school because she was scared to go back. Another friend of mine, who calls herself ''brown'' (she is African-American, Native American and Caucasian) told me that she also had a lot of problems with the African-American girls in her high school for the same reasons.

Eventually I don''t think interracial dating/marriage will be an issue because there are currently so many interracial couples that someday everyone will probably have a mixed racial background. Plus I really think race is a social construct, but that''s beside the point for this discussion, I guess!

Yeah, it''s sad and unfortunate, but a lot of times darker-skinned black children resent the lighter-skinned/biracial ones. I think it''s a throw-back to slavery, when the lighter-skinned/mixed blacks got treated better on the plantation than the darker ones (e.g darker ones had to do field/manual labour while the biracial ones would often get to work in the Masters house etc.) Even today, because of the prejudiced world we live in - lighter skinned blacks sometimes do get treated better, or are seen as nicer/smarter/more beautiful/less threatening than those of a darker hue. Like Moonstar said, too, light-skinned girls often get more attention from black men than their darker sisters. So, the resentment is there because darker girls feel ''inferior'' from the start, and society reinforces that message in subtle ways too (advertisements in the media etc.).

I''m sorry your friend''s daughter had to go through that though.

On a positive note... who knew that there were so many interracial/interethnic couples on PS? For my part, I just assumed that everyone was paired with someone of the same background. It''s a veritable melting pot up in here!

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 2/7/2008 3:42:54 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 2/6/2008 9:23:58 PM
Author: thing2of2
As for the original topic, I am not in an interracial relationship, but it really blows my mind that people in interracial relationships still get looks or attitude about it to this day. Kind of crazy...I have heard from a friend of mine who is Caucasian and is married to an African-American man that they do get the most attitude from African-American women. Of course there are plenty of racist Caucasians out there, but that has been her experience.

Plus her daughter, who is biracial, had a lot of trouble in her high school with some African-American girls in her grade. A group of them apparently disliked her just because she was biracial and got a lot of attention from the African-American boys in the same school. Some of these girls actually followed her home from school and jumped her in the alley behind her apartment, and it was so bad that she had to do home school for her senior year of high school because she was scared to go back. Another friend of mine, who calls herself ''brown'' (she is African-American, Native American and Caucasian) told me that she also had a lot of problems with the African-American girls in her high school for the same reasons.

Eventually I don''t think interracial dating/marriage will be an issue because there are currently so many interracial couples that someday everyone will probably have a mixed racial background. Plus I really think race is a social construct, but that''s beside the point for this discussion, I guess!

Yeah, it''s sad and unfortunate, but a lot of times darker-skinned black children resent the lighter-skinned/biracial ones. I think it''s a throw-back to slavery, when the lighter-skinned/mixed blacks got treated better on the plantation than the darker ones (e.g darker ones had to do field/manual labour while the biracial ones would often get to work in the Masters house etc.) Even today, because of the prejudiced world we live in - lighter skinned blacks sometimes do get treated better, or are seen as nicer/smarter/more beautiful/less threatening than those of a darker hue. Like Moonstar said, too, light-skinned girls often get more attention from black men than their darker sisters. So, the resentment is there because darker girls feel ''inferior'' from the start, and society reinforces that message in subtle ways too (advertisements in the media etc.).

I''m sorry your friend''s daughter had to go through that though.

On a positive note... who knew that there were so many interracial/interethnic couples on PS? For my part, I just assumed that everyone was paired with someone of the same background. It''s a veritable melting pot up in here!

I know! I was thinking the exact same thing. Yet another reason to love PS!

 

[Junkenpo]

I had to jump in too... I grew up in Hawaii (still here, actually), and it''s one of the most ethnically diverse places in the nation. I love it!

I am half Mexican and half Filipina/Chinese. BF is 3/4 Japanese and a 1/4 Hawaiian. I can''t wait to have kids and see the mix. (Just waiting for the proposal...lol!)

The idea that people still have problems with someone dating "outside their race" is pitiful almost to the point of laughability.

 

[Deelight]

WOW thats really horrible that so many people still judge people on the basis of colour in this day and age but unfortunately I am not surprised. Being different will give people some people a reason to attempt to put you down to make themselves feel better.

I am not in a bi-racial couple but I am in an inter-ethic one and while no one has ever really said anything though neither of our siblings has married into their "own" either, yay for a melting pot . On the odd occasion I have heard (once or twice) BF''s extended family make comments about using derogatory comments such as "wogs" to describe people of eastern European descent and while it is not directed to me (I don''t think they know of my European heritage not that that makes a difference) it still makes me angry that people think that way :

. To myself I just think poor you for for being so close minded how sad your life must be, think of all the wonderful experiences you are missing out on.

I am fairly happy that I live in a country that for the most part embraces diversity but there are always some rejects who don''t in every bunch.

 

[Isolde]

We''re not an interracial couple, but we are indeed inter-ethnic. I''d love to say it hasn''t caused any problems, but in the beginning it did. My parents are Russian immigrants, and when they first found out he was Italian, they were less than pleased (to put it mildly). My parents held to the belief that I should be dating someone from my own culture, or at the very least, another Eastern European: they still had that very old-world mentality. His parents and Nona on the other hand were absolutely wonderful, and welcomed me immediately with open arms; even though his grandparents immigrated, and the family still retains a great sense of their culture. Seeing that we live in a multicultural country, they never expected him to "stick with his own kind", and several of his relatives have married into different cultures so it was never an issue in their family. The Catholic/Orthodox issue could have posed a potential problem as well, but amazingly, that was an issue solved before we even met. Once my parents met him and saw how amazingly sweet, intelligent, respectful, and funny he was, they loved him. Not to mention the fact that he shows such a genuine interest in all aspects of our culture (my parents adore that). Personally, I enjoy it this way. I love learning about his culture and history, and he appreciates mine in the same way. I think it''s beautiful. Now, I''m convinced my parents love him more than they love me. It''s so funny how things turn out.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/8/2008 9:45:04 AM
Author: Isolde
We''re not an interracial couple, but we are indeed inter-ethnic. I''d love to say it hasn''t caused any problems, but in the beginning it did. My parents are Russian immigrants, and when they first found out he was Italian, they were less than pleased (to put it mildly). My parents held to the belief that I should be dating someone from my own culture, or at the very least, another Eastern European: they still had that very old-world mentality. His parents and Nona on the other hand were absolutely wonderful, and welcomed me immediately with open arms; even though his grandparents immigrated, and the family still retains a great sense of their culture. Seeing that we live in a multicultural country, they never expected him to ''stick with his own kind'', and several of his relatives have married into different cultures so it was never an issue in their family. The Catholic/Orthodox issue could have posed a potential problem as well, but amazingly, that was an issue solved before we even met. Once my parents met him and saw how amazingly sweet, intelligent, respectful, and funny he was, they loved him. Not to mention the fact that he shows such a genuine interest in all aspects of our culture (my parents adore that). Personally, I enjoy it this way. I love learning about his culture and history, and he appreciates mine in the same way. I think it''s beautiful. Now, I''m convinced my parents love him more than they love me. It''s so funny how things turn out.

Another cool thing along these lines that I witnessed not too long ago. I was in a friend of mine''s wedding - she is Catholic and her husband is a Russian Jew. He was actually born in Russia and his family became citizens here; his parents are religious but he isn''t as much (or as he says "I''m spiritual, not religious." My friend is the same way.). The religious difference didn''t make any difference to either set of parents or to my friend and her guy. What I thought was really cool was the wedding they had. They got married in the church that she grew up in, and they wanted an inter-faith ceremony with a priest and a rabbi. This particular parish hadn''t done one before. His parents suggested that they use a rabbi they knew in New York from when they first came to this country. They put the priest and rabbi in contact, and the rabbi came to CT for a week to stay in the rectory. The wedding itself was great. You could tell that the rabbi and the priest were fast friends. The rabbi offered an opening prayer in Hebrew and then addressed the congregation about his experience over the past week. He talked about "how enlightening" and "wonderful" it was to eat and live with the priests, and how much he enjoyed the dinner conversations they had about religion and politics. He talked about his days as a young rabbi, where he didn''t mix with anyone outside his faith (was not permitted back in the day), and how he wished he could. And then he looked at my friend and her husband and said, "Most of all, this (sweeping his arms towards them) pleases God, I am convinced. Two beautiful young people, who come from different backgrounds and faiths, have chosen to spend their lives together, learning and growing. Our world would be a better place if everyone lived by their example - sharing their faith in God as opposed to splitting hairs about the differences in how they worship Him." There wasn''t a dry eye in the house. My friend and her husband have a daughter and have another child on the way. They have decided to raise their children under both Catholicism and Judaism, which according to her is working out well for them. Every day, she learns something new about Judaism and he learns something new about Catholicism.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Isolde]

Date: 2/8/2008 10:57:37 AM
Author: sandia_rose

Date: 2/8/2008 9:45:04 AM
Author: Isolde
We''re not an interracial couple, but we are indeed inter-ethnic. I''d love to say it hasn''t caused any problems, but in the beginning it did. My parents are Russian immigrants, and when they first found out he was Italian, they were less than pleased (to put it mildly). My parents held to the belief that I should be dating someone from my own culture, or at the very least, another Eastern European: they still had that very old-world mentality. His parents and Nona on the other hand were absolutely wonderful, and welcomed me immediately with open arms; even though his grandparents immigrated, and the family still retains a great sense of their culture. Seeing that we live in a multicultural country, they never expected him to ''stick with his own kind'', and several of his relatives have married into different cultures so it was never an issue in their family. The Catholic/Orthodox issue could have posed a potential problem as well, but amazingly, that was an issue solved before we even met. Once my parents met him and saw how amazingly sweet, intelligent, respectful, and funny he was, they loved him. Not to mention the fact that he shows such a genuine interest in all aspects of our culture (my parents adore that). Personally, I enjoy it this way. I love learning about his culture and history, and he appreciates mine in the same way. I think it''s beautiful. Now, I''m convinced my parents love him more than they love me. It''s so funny how things turn out.

Another cool thing along these lines that I witnessed not too long ago. I was in a friend of mine''s wedding - she is Catholic and her husband is a Russian Jew. He was actually born in Russia and his family became citizens here; his parents are religious but he isn''t as much (or as he says ''I''m spiritual, not religious.'' My friend is the same way.). The religious difference didn''t make any difference to either set of parents or to my friend and her guy. What I thought was really cool was the wedding they had. They got married in the church that she grew up in, and they wanted an inter-faith ceremony with a priest and a rabbi. This particular parish hadn''t done one before. His parents suggested that they use a rabbi they knew in New York from when they first came to this country. They put the priest and rabbi in contact, and the rabbi came to CT for a week to stay in the rectory. The wedding itself was great. You could tell that the rabbi and the priest were fast friends. The rabbi offered an opening prayer in Hebrew and then addressed the congregation about his experience over the past week. He talked about ''how enlightening'' and ''wonderful'' it was to eat and live with the priests, and how much he enjoyed the dinner conversations they had about religion and politics. He talked about his days as a young rabbi, where he didn''t mix with anyone outside his faith (was not permitted back in the day), and how he wished he could. And then he looked at my friend and her husband and said, ''Most of all, this (sweeping his arms towards them) pleases God, I am convinced. Two beautiful young people, who come from different backgrounds and faiths, have chosen to spend their lives together, learning and growing. Our world would be a better place if everyone lived by their example - sharing their faith in God as opposed to splitting hairs about the differences in how they worship Him.'' There wasn''t a dry eye in the house. My friend and her husband have a daughter and have another child on the way. They have decided to raise their children under both Catholicism and Judaism, which according to her is working out well for them. Every day, she learns something new about Judaism and he learns something new about Catholicism.

Bridget in Connecticut.

What a wonderfully moving ceremony! It''s impressive that they''ve decided to raise their children under both, especially since there are very obvious fundamental differences between the Christianity and Judaism.

My fiance and I are both Christians, so the difference wouldn''t be quite as apparent as in the case of your friends. Although, there most certainly are differences between the Roman Catholic Church, and the Eastern Orthodox Church. However, he''s now a member of our Church; so obviously, there are no problems.

 

[allycat0303]

My boyfriend is white, and I''m asian. We get a lot of looks at chinatown and hostile attitudes, so I stopped going. Now if I want food from chinatown, I send my boyfriend to pick it up alone. I don''t think it''s that bad, but sometimes his family will make some pretty racially inappropriate jokes, but I just ignore it. A lot of the times they don''t realize, and a lot of times the comments will pass by my guy, and he doesn''t realize that I am offended. I always tell him, you can''t really kow because you''re not asian. And I unfortunately live in a place which I consider pretty racist.

Once I was shopping with my guy ad I heard a salesgirl say ''''Why is he with her'''' I don''t know if it was a race thing, a looks thing, or whatever, but I found that pretty offensive.

Although as I get older, I see more subtle differences in the way we were raised, and it makes me worried that if we were ever to have children, there may be a clash.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 2/7/2008 12:32:21 PM
Author: ImpatientOne
I am Caucasian and my husband is African American. As a couple, we do not really notice any strange looks or anything where we live. There are a ton of interracial couples here and no one gives it a second thought.


I have bi-racial children ranging in age from 26-18. The oldest one is a boy and the younger two are girls. My kids have had far more issues being bi-racial than I ever would have anticipated. My son, who is very dark, was always picked on by the black boys because they thought he ''acted too white''. My son hated that and was forever having to defend himself. He hates being labeled as anything other than a human being. Growing up, he did not have any black friends. Seems most of the white kids had no issues with him, so all of his friends were white. Now that he is older, he has friends of many races.


My daughter''s experiences have been different. The oldest has identified more with the black culture, and most of her friends are black, even though her skin is nearly as pale as mine!!! The youngest has been hassled by both blacks and whites for being different. Every last one of her friends is of mixed race, other than her boyfriend, who is white.


I have tried to raise my kids to not look at race. Unfortunately, too many others have not raised their chhildren in the same manner. Such a shame in this day and age, IMHO!

This is probably my biggest fear. Worry over what our future children would have to deal with.