Inviting the "ex" to the wedding..?

[violet02]

It really does depend on the relationship you have with that person and your FI''s relationship with them I guess.

I wanted to invite one of my ex''s to the wedding and my FI didn''t seem to mind too much but there was another guy he wasn''t comfortable with and while I kind of regret not inviting him I wanted to respect my FI''s uncomfortableness with it and not invite him. We didn''t hang out all the time anyways.

We based our guest list on who we were friends with that we actually saw or spoke to semi-regularly.

 

[lucyandroger]

Even if your FI is being jealous/ insecure/ unreasonable, I would ask myself:

1. Do I want my husband to be at all uncomfortable on our wedding day or do I want him to remember it as the best day ever?

and

2. Will NOT having my ex at the wedding actually make me uncomfortable or make the day less than the best day ever for me?

 

[doodle]

Date: 3/16/2009 3:23:44 PM
Author: lucyandroger
Even if your FI is being jealous/ insecure/ unreasonable, I would ask myself:


1. Do I want my husband to be at all uncomfortable on our wedding day or do I want him to remember it as the best day ever?


and


2. Will NOT having my ex at the wedding actually make me uncomfortable or make the day less than the best day ever for me?

This is pretty much what I was thinking as well, except my personal checklist had a third question--what will the consequences of either course of action be? In my case, I dated my ex for a little over 6 months several years before my then FI and I started dating, and my ex is now my best friend on the planet. He actually requested leave from the navy and flew in from JAPAN to be at our wedding! DH seemed a little hesitant about it at first, but he understood after we talked about it that while it MIGHT make him slightly uncomfortable (and on our wedding day, the two of them never even ran into each other; DH never even saw him until the afterparty, haha), it WOULD really upset me if he weren''t there. My ex is a very important part of my life (not as important as my husband, but definitely ranking pretty high on the list, haha), and i couldn''t imagine going through such an important milestone in my life without him being there for it. i personally feel very strongly that marrying someone means accepting the people and things that are important to your partner; you don''t have to love them yourself, but they are a part of the person you love. i would be extremely upset if my DH asked me to dismiss someone i care about without regard for the importance of that person in my life, how my actions would hurt that person, and how their pain would also hurt me. in my case, my DH had not really seen the way my ex and i interact now, so he didn''t really understand the closeness between us. once he saw how the two of act around each other now, he wasn''t uncomfortable with it anymore because he realized that our having dated was kind of a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things. i would talk to your FI and find out why he would be so uncomfortable with your ex. hope that helps, and if not, sorry i was long-winded, haha!

 

[Kim N]

Date: 3/16/2009 3:23:44 PM
Author: lucyandroger
Even if your FI is being jealous/ insecure/ unreasonable, I would ask myself:

1. Do I want my husband to be at all uncomfortable on our wedding day or do I want him to remember it as the best day ever?

and

2. Will NOT having my ex at the wedding actually make me uncomfortable or make the day less than the best day ever for me?

Ditto. These are great questions.

 

[teapot]

My DH and I are good friends with our ex''s so both were invited to our wedding. I remember when I told my ex that I was inviting him, but I didn''t have room for him to bring a date, he was excited. He was just grateful that I didn''t leave him out because of our past relationship.

However, if your FI is truly uncomfortable about Tom being there, than I would put FI first and explain that to Tom.