Irresponsible Friend

[sap483]

Hi everyone! So I''m hoping you all can help me tactfully get out of this situation that I''ve found myself in. My friend is getting married and I am to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. We need to order the bridesmaid dresses, and so she''s asked us to each complete the order form with our credit card information. Now please know that I trust my friend completely with my credit card information, in that clearly she would never ever do anything to harm me on purpose. However, she is not the most responsible person. She has been known on many occasions to be careless with things. I''m worried that she may leave the credit card info laying around at work and it may fall into the wrong hands. I''m not the only one concerned either- 2 other bridesmaids have voiced similar concerns to me. We asked her if we could mail it in separately, but she said no, they all had to go in together and she wants to be the one to coordinate it. We asked if we could write checks, but they don''t accept checks. I''m not sure how to get around this without letting her know that we are concerned that she may be careless with our credit card info. Any ideas?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Ask her when she''s sending in the forms and get a contact number for the place you''re ordering your dresses from. On the day she sends them in, call the place and give them your information over the phone. OR, offer to give her cash and have her put it on her card. You''re in your rights to not place the order with her (and not tell her it''s because of her). Just say you''re not comfortable with giving out that information.

 

[TravelingGal]

Tell her an acquaintance of yours had identity theft and you''re overly paranoid. I agree with HH that maybe you can call in the order yourself. Tell her you NEVER write your CC number down anywhere, ever, and that you''re sorry but your acquaintance''s story has you spooked.

 

[meresal]

I recommend being completely honest. Usually, if she's really that clumsy, then ppl probably joke around about it with her pretty often. I would approach her about it and let her know that you are completely serious... I think that if you let her know that you are worried she will go out of her way to make sure they stay safe or even better, she might try to find an easier way to get the BM information in, without a paper trail.

Good luck!!

 

[Po10472]

My advice - ask your friend for her bank details and transfer the money directly into her account. I don''t think you need to come up with an excuse - just tell her that you are uncomfortable giving out your credit card details, you trust her, but its something you never do and not going to make an exception on this occasion. If you are unable to transfer the money via your bank, give her the cash directly.

For me, it has nothing to do with trusting my friends, I just wouldn''t do it, period. There are other ways to sort this out without offending her. Speak to the other girls and collectively transfer the money or give her cash. problem solved.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/10/2007 3:34:36 PM
Author: Po10472
My advice - ask your friend for her bank details and transfer the money directly into her account. I don''t think you need to come up with an excuse - just tell her that you are uncomfortable giving out your credit card details, you trust her, but its something you never do and not going to make an exception on this occasion. If you are unable to transfer the money via your bank, give her the cash directly.

For me, it has nothing to do with trusting my friends, I just wouldn''t do it, period. There are other ways to sort this out without offending her. Speak to the other girls and collectively transfer the money or give her cash. problem solved.

I thought about this also, and its the best idea... that is, if all of the BM''s have the cash at this moment. Since she said that they were talking about credit cards, and not bank cards, I assumed some of them will be charging the dress and paying it off over time. I am still trying to think of a way to avoid this, and still be able to make payments... maybe to the company on a lay-away program if they have one??

 

[sumbride]

I think if she''s not willing to put it on her card, then you should be able to phone in yours. Most shops are very tolerant of this. I did not collect info from my bridesmaids... what I did was call the shop, set up the order, give them the names of the girls and the dress color (they got to pick their own style no.) and then I gave the girls the phone number and a deadline. They called in with their measurements and payment info. I then called the shop to make sure everybody had ordered and paid. It was easier on me and easier on them. You seriously need to tell her there are easier ways to handle this (than letting her lose your info!!)

 

[FireGoddess]

No way, no how. As much as I''d trust my friend, I wouldn''t go passing that info out. If they have to go in together, and they won''t take checks, and you can''t call and directly give the cc #, then she needs to give them HER credit card # for all the orders and have you pay her back.

Might she get offended? Possibly. But honestly, it''s better than going through identity theft or faulty charges, trust me.

 

[sap483]

So based on all of your advice which mirrored my own thoughts, I called her and told her that I was uncomfortable giving out my credit card info (btw the form even requires the security code from your card) and would rather just call the info in or give her cash/check and have her put it on her card. So the very first thing to come out of her mouth is why, it''s not like I''m going to run up a bill on you. So I said, of course you wouldn''t. I just don''t feel comfortable having that info written down and falling into the wrong hands by getting lost in the mail, etc. So she goes, fine whatever. No one else has a problem with it, but if you feel you must have special treatment send me a check and I''ll give them my number. She actually sounded angry! Am I out of line for being nervous about becoming a victim of identity theft? I really hope the other girls speak up so it doesn''t seem like I''m the only one being paranoid...

 

[meresal]

WOW!! That is so uncalled for. I would go online and print off the 5 million pages of info and wrongly charged merchandise that now has thousands of ppl fighting creditors for the rest of their lives... and take it to her. I don't understand how she can think that what you are asking is unreasonable??

But seriously, they wanted your Security number too... that's absolutely ABSURD!! And what happened to the other girls that didn't like the idea of writing down all the information either? I'm so sorry to hear this, but know that I think most of us here are in complete agreement with you. Stolen identity is so high right now, and especially at Christmas time; I would never put all that info in the mail... especially in the middle of December.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/10/2007 6:10:48 PM
Author: sap483
So based on all of your advice which mirrored my own thoughts, I called her and told her that I was uncomfortable giving out my credit card info (btw the form even requires the security code from your card) and would rather just call the info in or give her cash/check and have her put it on her card. So the very first thing to come out of her mouth is why, it''s not like I''m going to run up a bill on you. So I said, of course you wouldn''t. I just don''t feel comfortable having that info written down and falling into the wrong hands by getting lost in the mail, etc. So she goes, fine whatever. No one else has a problem with it, but if you feel you must have special treatment send me a check and I''ll give them my number. She actually sounded angry! Am I out of line for being nervous about becoming a victim of identity theft? I really hope the other girls speak up so it doesn''t seem like I''m the only one being paranoid...

Sheesh. Don''t give it a second thought. I would never give out my CC info the way she requested, these days you can''t be too careful!!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 12/10/2007 6:18:52 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 12/10/2007 6:10:48 PM
Author: sap483
So based on all of your advice which mirrored my own thoughts, I called her and told her that I was uncomfortable giving out my credit card info (btw the form even requires the security code from your card) and would rather just call the info in or give her cash/check and have her put it on her card. So the very first thing to come out of her mouth is why, it''s not like I''m going to run up a bill on you. So I said, of course you wouldn''t. I just don''t feel comfortable having that info written down and falling into the wrong hands by getting lost in the mail, etc. So she goes, fine whatever. No one else has a problem with it, but if you feel you must have special treatment send me a check and I''ll give them my number. She actually sounded angry! Am I out of line for being nervous about becoming a victim of identity theft? I really hope the other girls speak up so it doesn''t seem like I''m the only one being paranoid...

Sheesh. Don''t give it a second thought. I would never give out my CC info the way she requested, these days you can''t be too careful!!

I agree! I would write a check too and act like you always do that sort of thing. I really don''t blame you at all!

 

[Octavia]

It''s not uncommon for retailers to ask for the CVV security number. For my old job, I used to process a lot of credit cards and the software we used didn''t require it yet but there was a space for it on the processing screen. This is partly because it''s standard to require it in some other countries, and partly because there was proposed legislation to require a CVV for any transaction where the physical card wasn''t present. I don''t know if this got shot down or if it''s still drifting around somewhere.

If you absolutely have to write your card number down, see if you have "ShopSafe" or something equivalent. It''s meant for online transactions but you can use it on paper transactions, too. Basically, you go into the program online on your CC account, type in the max amount and an expiration date, and it will come up with a special "card number" for you. It''s linked to your regular card, so that''s where you see the charge, but the number is completely different. So if the dress (or whatever) cost $235 total, you could set up a $240 limit with an expiration date two months from now. On my account, the "card" can only be used once unless you specify otherwise when you set it up. If anyone stole the number before the intended charge went through, they could only make one charge worth a max of $240 and wouldn''t have your real card number. If they tried using it after the dress had been charged, they wouldn''t be able to use it at all. It''s not a perfect solution, but this is what I do whenever I have to mail something with my CC# on it.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 12/10/2007 6:10:48 PM
Author: sap483
So she goes, fine whatever. No one else has a problem with it, but if you feel you must have special treatment send me a check and I''ll give them my number.

That kind of attitude is uncalled for. She might think the world revolves around her right now, but anyone can assure her that it actually doesn''t. It''s really self centered of her to be offended when you''re just trying to protect your personal information. What you''re asking is HARDLY putting her out.

 

[lumpkin]

OOOPS! Wrong thread!

I wouldn't give my info either.