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Brilliant_Rock
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Is it ever OK to tell your SO to mind her/his own business?
- Thread starter kenny
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Re: Is it ever OK to tell your SO to mind her/his own busine
Not in those words (usually), but DH and I have VERY different relationships with our own families, and after years of tearing our hair out over how we each deal with family obligations, conflicts, etc. we each now deal with our own families our own way and on the rare occasion when one of us loses our head and makes a snarky comment, the NUNYO gets dropped.
That's about the only time that I can think of. No secrets, apart from baby ones (like how much I'm willing to spend on a kick-ass pair of boots), stuff like that. We respect each other's privacy and space, etc. so there's rarely a need for it.
Not in those words (usually), but DH and I have VERY different relationships with our own families, and after years of tearing our hair out over how we each deal with family obligations, conflicts, etc. we each now deal with our own families our own way and on the rare occasion when one of us loses our head and makes a snarky comment, the NUNYO gets dropped.
That's about the only time that I can think of. No secrets, apart from baby ones (like how much I'm willing to spend on a kick-ass pair of boots), stuff like that. We respect each other's privacy and space, etc. so there's rarely a need for it.
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Re: Is it ever OK to tell your SO to mind her/his own busine
No.
I don't believe that statement belongs in a marriage.
However, what is appropriate to say is "Why do you want to know" or something similar.
There is nothing that cannot be discussed - if there is a valid reason. But, a number things would not normally be discussed without a good reason. There is a basic expectation on privacy on a number of things.
So I (and Princess) asks "why" and we then find out what information the other party is looking for. In many cases a simple summary statement will do. In some cases (more than a few since she is from Ukraine and I from the U.S.A) we have had to go into details on the issue due to the cultural differences - and we really need to know why the other party thinks the way they do - or what we know about some item.
Have a great day,
Perry
ps: Sorry for not posting for so long - life got very busy; and I tend to read a lot more than I post anyway.
No.
I don't believe that statement belongs in a marriage.
However, what is appropriate to say is "Why do you want to know" or something similar.
There is nothing that cannot be discussed - if there is a valid reason. But, a number things would not normally be discussed without a good reason. There is a basic expectation on privacy on a number of things.
So I (and Princess) asks "why" and we then find out what information the other party is looking for. In many cases a simple summary statement will do. In some cases (more than a few since she is from Ukraine and I from the U.S.A) we have had to go into details on the issue due to the cultural differences - and we really need to know why the other party thinks the way they do - or what we know about some item.
Have a great day,
Perry
ps: Sorry for not posting for so long - life got very busy; and I tend to read a lot more than I post anyway.
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Re: Is it ever OK to tell your SO to mind her/his own busine
I think the range of answers suggests that there's no objective standard, no right or wrong- all that matters is whether it is ok for you to say that to your SO, or for him to say that to you. Only you can answer that. Whether it should or shouldn't be ok is entirely subjective and probably not all that relevant. Really, what others think is ok won't affect this one - if it hurts or upsets one of you, then there's an issue with it, regardless of anyone else's experience.
I'm a fairly private person, and sure, I can see myself saying that something isn't for sharing (although I can't think of anything off hand). But if my SO was unhappy with that, then perhaps that would be a problem. I suppose my view is that it doesn't matter one way or the other, so long as you're both of the same mind on this one.
I think the range of answers suggests that there's no objective standard, no right or wrong- all that matters is whether it is ok for you to say that to your SO, or for him to say that to you. Only you can answer that. Whether it should or shouldn't be ok is entirely subjective and probably not all that relevant. Really, what others think is ok won't affect this one - if it hurts or upsets one of you, then there's an issue with it, regardless of anyone else's experience.
I'm a fairly private person, and sure, I can see myself saying that something isn't for sharing (although I can't think of anything off hand). But if my SO was unhappy with that, then perhaps that would be a problem. I suppose my view is that it doesn't matter one way or the other, so long as you're both of the same mind on this one.
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Re: Is it ever OK to tell your SO to mind her/his own busine
Brilliant as always. I agree entirely.
For the most part, my husband and I talk about everything (though, as an aside, I'm surprised potty talk took off as the go-to ... we stay discreet past "that place didn't agree with me," but I think it's out of mutual reticence and not emotional with-holding, or whatever). But on the rare occasion when one or the other just doesn't want to discuss a thing, because it'll pull up negative associations, or requires more rumination ... yeah, sure. I don't think we've ever gotten past "sorry, I don't want to discuss it right now" to a straight-up MYOB .....
Jennifer W said:
Brilliant as always. I agree entirely.
For the most part, my husband and I talk about everything (though, as an aside, I'm surprised potty talk took off as the go-to ... we stay discreet past "that place didn't agree with me," but I think it's out of mutual reticence and not emotional with-holding, or whatever). But on the rare occasion when one or the other just doesn't want to discuss a thing, because it'll pull up negative associations, or requires more rumination ... yeah, sure. I don't think we've ever gotten past "sorry, I don't want to discuss it right now" to a straight-up MYOB .....
Guilty Pleasure
Brilliant_Rock
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Re: Is it ever OK to tell your SO to mind her/his own busine
We say "nunya" all the time because we think it's funny. It's never in regards to something serious though.
Me: Who's blowing up your phone? (assume correctly that it's Mike) What does Mike say?
Husband: Nunya.
Me: It isma!
And then he usually tells me. Or he'll ask what my friend and I talked about for so long on the phone. I say nunya, he says, "it isma!" and then I give him a summary. When one of us actually feels like keeping something private, we give a direct request for privacy, like "I don't want to talk about it" (feelings about something that happened) or "it's private" ( a friend's secret) or "leave it alone; you're bothering me." (my husband said that when I was nosy about a rash on his stomach).
We say "nunya" all the time because we think it's funny. It's never in regards to something serious though.
Me: Who's blowing up your phone? (assume correctly that it's Mike) What does Mike say?
Husband: Nunya.
Me: It isma!
And then he usually tells me. Or he'll ask what my friend and I talked about for so long on the phone. I say nunya, he says, "it isma!" and then I give him a summary. When one of us actually feels like keeping something private, we give a direct request for privacy, like "I don't want to talk about it" (feelings about something that happened) or "it's private" ( a friend's secret) or "leave it alone; you're bothering me." (my husband said that when I was nosy about a rash on his stomach).
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