meresal
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"Just Barely" Pregnant PS''ers
- Thread starter HOUMedGal
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jcrow
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KimberlyH
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HOUMedGal
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HOUMedGal
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Bliss
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HOUie!!!!
Sending lots of prayers your way! I have been praying for your bean and thinking of you all week. I just have the best feeling about today's ultrasound and can't wait to hear your relief and happiness when you see your beautiful peanut with his/her amazing heartbeat!
I'm happy to report that I am fine and feeling really good again finally! Things couldn't have gone better and I'm so happy my mom's here. The procedure only took a few minutes; I felt maybe 5 seconds of mild cramping. My mom held my hand the entire time. I chose her to be in the room with me while DH waited outside. I love DH, but I just wanted my mom! She and DH were discussing who would get to be with me and they agreed that during the birth of our baby, DH would be there while she waited outside. And during this procedure, she'd be inside and he'd be waiting outside. They were so cute with their heads together negotiating who would get to be there. It has been really wonderful with her here. On the morning of the MVA, DH drove while she sat in the backseat and petted my head - I remember feeling anxious for a moment before relaxing from their love and care. They were all I wanted that day.
The Dr. and her staff were so compassionate. The best experience I could have had, considering the circumstances. I have my support team and really am happy and healing emotionally again. They told me I'd be very fertile in the coming months, so we're going to be very careful for a couple of months and take it as it goes. Maybe I'll be back soon, too!
Today for the first time, my tummy was concave again, which was hugely comforting because for the past few days before the MVA, I felt such nausea, bloating and general malaise. The mental anguish of that was the worst thing - feeling so very pregnant was the worst, a constant reminder of what we had lost. Now, I feel like myself again. Full of energy and just excited about the future. I haven't felt this way in what seems like forever!
So I am back here to cheer you all on, congratulate you and use all my prayers for your beans!!!!
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. You are my dear friends for life and have really touched my heart when I needed it the most. Please know that you have helped another soul in one of her darkest moments and lit the way toward hope and healing. I hope good karma rains down on you all for the rest of your lives! You are beautiful, amazing people.
Lots and lots of dust and prayers for healthy sticky beans and beautiful THUNDEROUS heartbeats!
Sending lots of prayers your way! I have been praying for your bean and thinking of you all week. I just have the best feeling about today's ultrasound and can't wait to hear your relief and happiness when you see your beautiful peanut with his/her amazing heartbeat!
I'm happy to report that I am fine and feeling really good again finally! Things couldn't have gone better and I'm so happy my mom's here. The procedure only took a few minutes; I felt maybe 5 seconds of mild cramping. My mom held my hand the entire time. I chose her to be in the room with me while DH waited outside. I love DH, but I just wanted my mom! She and DH were discussing who would get to be with me and they agreed that during the birth of our baby, DH would be there while she waited outside. And during this procedure, she'd be inside and he'd be waiting outside. They were so cute with their heads together negotiating who would get to be there. It has been really wonderful with her here. On the morning of the MVA, DH drove while she sat in the backseat and petted my head - I remember feeling anxious for a moment before relaxing from their love and care. They were all I wanted that day.
The Dr. and her staff were so compassionate. The best experience I could have had, considering the circumstances. I have my support team and really am happy and healing emotionally again. They told me I'd be very fertile in the coming months, so we're going to be very careful for a couple of months and take it as it goes. Maybe I'll be back soon, too!
Today for the first time, my tummy was concave again, which was hugely comforting because for the past few days before the MVA, I felt such nausea, bloating and general malaise. The mental anguish of that was the worst thing - feeling so very pregnant was the worst, a constant reminder of what we had lost. Now, I feel like myself again. Full of energy and just excited about the future. I haven't felt this way in what seems like forever!
So I am back here to cheer you all on, congratulate you and use all my prayers for your beans!!!!
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. You are my dear friends for life and have really touched my heart when I needed it the most. Please know that you have helped another soul in one of her darkest moments and lit the way toward hope and healing. I hope good karma rains down on you all for the rest of your lives! You are beautiful, amazing people.
Lots and lots of dust and prayers for healthy sticky beans and beautiful THUNDEROUS heartbeats!
noelwr
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Bliss
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Congratulations again, Noelwr!!!! So happy for you, somethingshiny, Charger and puppmom! The newest mommies!
And my sistas from before who are now pretty mamas, too.
You must be so excited! Don't forget to do your Kegels! LOL.
Now that I'm feeling better, maybe the Kegel cop needs to come out of retirement!
Can't wait for HOU to come back so we can celebrate! I even made my mom pray for her.
somethingshiny
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HOU~ More prayers for a great US today. Your bean is going to look stunning in that pic!!
Bliss~ Your strength is admirable and you''re still in my prayers. SO glad that your procedure went smoothly and you''re feeling like yourself again. That''s actually a hard step to get to after miscarrying. I have full faith that you''re going to recover quickly and carry your next baby to a full healthy term.
MS is getting a bit better. I was sick for 7 months with JT, so just the fact that this MS is easing up is a great relief! 8 weeks tomorrow! I''ve been feeling a bit guilty and was hoping for some input from other moms. When I was pregnant with JT, we had been trying for years and praying hard for a baby. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and the pregnancy was never off my mind. With this pregnancy, I feel guilty because we weren''t longing for a baby like we were the first time and I actually forget that I''m pregnant. Is this normal??
Bliss~ Your strength is admirable and you''re still in my prayers. SO glad that your procedure went smoothly and you''re feeling like yourself again. That''s actually a hard step to get to after miscarrying. I have full faith that you''re going to recover quickly and carry your next baby to a full healthy term.
MS is getting a bit better. I was sick for 7 months with JT, so just the fact that this MS is easing up is a great relief! 8 weeks tomorrow! I''ve been feeling a bit guilty and was hoping for some input from other moms. When I was pregnant with JT, we had been trying for years and praying hard for a baby. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and the pregnancy was never off my mind. With this pregnancy, I feel guilty because we weren''t longing for a baby like we were the first time and I actually forget that I''m pregnant. Is this normal??
HOUMedGal
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Thanks everyone, so much, for all your kind thoughts, prayers, and happy wishes. They have really helped me to feel at ease during this hard time.
Unfortunately, it''s bad news. No interval growth since Monday, so now we''re measuring almost 2 weeks behind. And the heart rate is even slower today...difficult to pick up, and the best we could get was 80''s. The plan from here is to return next Thursday for a repeat ultrasound....My doc says of course things don''t look good...she HAS seen it happen that things turn around even in dismal circumstances, but the chances of that are somewhere around 1 in 1,000-2,000. I''m at peace with the fact that this is over, I just wish I didn''t have to wait another week to start having closure and moving on, you know? My doctor recommends waiting until there is NO heart activity to start talking about doing something to help it along...it''s not that there''s a good chance of this happening, but she has seen women getting ready for their D&C, signed the consent and everything, and then that one last ultrasound is the one where they find a baby with a normal heartbeat. Of course, I''m not getting my hopes up for that to happen, but it does make sense to wait until the heartbeat has stopped before saying that it''s truly over, and acting accordingly.
I''m sad and frustrated and scared about what it will feel like, but I am at peace with the idea that maybe this is the wrong body for my baby''s little soul to inhabit. The next week will be just as hard as the last one was, I think....I just wish my body would go ahead and take care of things.
I''m off to take a nice bath and a nap (on top of everything else, I''m post-call from spending 30 hrs working in the NICU) and my parents and grandma are coming to town tomorrow for a weekend visit, so at least i will have plenty of family love and support this weekend.
Thanks again to all of you ladies for your love and support...Like you said, Lindsey, it really touches me how close I have gotten to my online friends.
Unfortunately, it''s bad news. No interval growth since Monday, so now we''re measuring almost 2 weeks behind. And the heart rate is even slower today...difficult to pick up, and the best we could get was 80''s. The plan from here is to return next Thursday for a repeat ultrasound....My doc says of course things don''t look good...she HAS seen it happen that things turn around even in dismal circumstances, but the chances of that are somewhere around 1 in 1,000-2,000. I''m at peace with the fact that this is over, I just wish I didn''t have to wait another week to start having closure and moving on, you know? My doctor recommends waiting until there is NO heart activity to start talking about doing something to help it along...it''s not that there''s a good chance of this happening, but she has seen women getting ready for their D&C, signed the consent and everything, and then that one last ultrasound is the one where they find a baby with a normal heartbeat. Of course, I''m not getting my hopes up for that to happen, but it does make sense to wait until the heartbeat has stopped before saying that it''s truly over, and acting accordingly.
I''m sad and frustrated and scared about what it will feel like, but I am at peace with the idea that maybe this is the wrong body for my baby''s little soul to inhabit. The next week will be just as hard as the last one was, I think....I just wish my body would go ahead and take care of things.
I''m off to take a nice bath and a nap (on top of everything else, I''m post-call from spending 30 hrs working in the NICU) and my parents and grandma are coming to town tomorrow for a weekend visit, so at least i will have plenty of family love and support this weekend.
Thanks again to all of you ladies for your love and support...Like you said, Lindsey, it really touches me how close I have gotten to my online friends.
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jcrow
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lovelylulu
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Burk
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Bliss
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Oh no, HouMedGal, I am so heartbroken for you right now...
But you never know. It is torture to wait and it feels so cruel, but there is still a sliver of hope. I don't know what to say. When I was going through this, I felt torn between grieving and daring to hope. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I really was hoping and praying that of the two of us, your bean would flourish. In a way, it made me feel better because I knew at least one of us would have a Halloween BFP baby.
I am so relieved that you feel peace. I didn't feel any peace until I found closure. I don't know if anyone can understand the pain of carrying a child that is ailing unless one goes through such a tragic experience. The joy is dashed and the hope is flickering amid the darkness.
But I can tell you that you can cling to those glimmers of hope from moment to moment. Just breathe through it. It is momentary and you will find the warm glow of joy again soon. You will always remember this bean, and God willing, you and your DH will have the special baby you long for soon. And when you finally hold that baby in your arms, you will know it was all worth it.
The final days I had my bean and I knew its little heart was flickering, it was tremendously comforting to me to have those last days together. I'd take it for long walks in Central Park, just me and my bean. I'd tell him secret things that are communicated between a mother and child. I gave money away to the poor whenever I could so that the bean could feel the beauty of giving and life. More than usual, we lent a helping hand in ways big and small to light the way for the bean. I feel like we tried to give the bean the best life had to offer in the short time we had him. The bean got to hear DH's voice telling him how much he was loved and wanted. He heard family's voices near my belly telling him he was loved. We did everything we could to love and give the bean a beautiful journey to God for as long as we could.
I know it sounds silly, we had a tiny little bean who we were talking to and loving so much... but it really helped us let go. I think having those final moments and saying what I needed to say and daring to so fearlessly love a little being that was destined to leave us gives me peace now. When we saw the ultrasound the following week, I knew instantly the bean was an angel and went to God like we told him to, if things were too hard. In a way, it gave me peace because I felt the bean listened to us and like an angel, fulfilled his little destiny in our lives and changed us forever.
Don't be scared, HOU. It'll be OK. And you know what, you still never know. There are miracles in life, and you can't count this one out until you know it in your heart. I was scared, too. But having gone through it, it is nothing. It was easy compared to the emotional loss. It was even cathartic and felt therapeutic. It is not the scary procedure that you hear about. If you find the right place, you will be among strong supportive women who will be like midwives to this process for you. It is healing, in a way. There is something very magical about the power of women - I feel like we emit a healing energy that revives and protects. I hope you can find such a place. If you need further help, let me know. I can give you all the information that I gleaned. It helped me to learn about what came next and finding the MVA and the right doctor was very comforting to me. It is a much kinder and gentler procedure for your future fertility.
This bean was meant for you and your DH. I believe that, just as I believe this little bean was meant for us. He (or she) inspired SO much love and brought us closer in unimaginable ways. We are so humbled and I believe my faith is stronger because of this miracle. To get pregnant in itself is a tiny miracle, is it not? What an amazing thing to experience as a woman. To have lived, and to have experienced this. It in itself is enough. I am rich in love. We are all blessed. Maybe I went through this first, so that I could help you. Life is mysterious and wonderful.
HOU, this will be the toughest week of your life. I know in many ways it was like dying several times over. So many little deaths of hope, every time you dare to hope - your heart breaks a little bit more. It's OK. You will be stronger and feel joy.
I now feel a deep joy and peace. You will heal. It is not a scary process, what you may go through. When or if you must cross that bridge, I will be there to help you. It is nothing compared to the pain of losing the bean. I was glad to go through it and somehow, it helped me to move on. Carrying the bean once it was gone was the most painful part of this; and I suggest that if a final procedure is imminent, you not prolong that time once a final U/S is performed.
Don't feel silly grieving. This IS a baby. Your baby. It is real. Don't let people say otherwise. They just don't understand. Most people do, but there will be a few who will say things that aren't helpful. They just don't know any better. This IS real and you should be able to honor your feelings. It is healthy. It is one part of healing and recovering.
I am so glad you have family coming. That is a huge tremendous blessing! I feel like my mom went through way more than even I did. Lean on them. May you always be so blessed with love all around you. We are the lucky ones. Can you imagine how women with no support go through this? We have the best of everything around us, even during this difficult time. You will survive and thrive after this loss. You will one day tell your future baby about his or her angel sibling in heaven. Nothing is in vain. They come to us to teach us lessons and to remind us that life is such a precious miracle.
You will go on to hold your special angel... don't give up hope. Yes, this is awful. Yes, this is will forever change you. But you will go on to find joy and hope, and even excitement about your future children one day. Many people came to me and told me their stories while I was going through this. Many women go on to have many healthy children afterwards. I don't know why so many women have to endure this loss before they get to hold their little angels. But I am sure it makes us hold them tighter and love like each day could be the last one. I know I love DH and my family and friends in this way now. You will be very fertile after this. There is so much hope for you. Your body knows what to do, like Mara says, you will have a beauuuuuutiful family when you are ready. That you got pregnant so fast is a very very good sign. Many women never even get to this point. There's so much going for you, even amid this sadness. And you have so many friends online and I am sure offline as well.
I am grieving for your heartbreak right now... So sorry, HOUie. Sending more prayers and healing vibes your way.
Love,
Bliss
But you never know. It is torture to wait and it feels so cruel, but there is still a sliver of hope. I don't know what to say. When I was going through this, I felt torn between grieving and daring to hope. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I really was hoping and praying that of the two of us, your bean would flourish. In a way, it made me feel better because I knew at least one of us would have a Halloween BFP baby.
I am so relieved that you feel peace. I didn't feel any peace until I found closure. I don't know if anyone can understand the pain of carrying a child that is ailing unless one goes through such a tragic experience. The joy is dashed and the hope is flickering amid the darkness.
But I can tell you that you can cling to those glimmers of hope from moment to moment. Just breathe through it. It is momentary and you will find the warm glow of joy again soon. You will always remember this bean, and God willing, you and your DH will have the special baby you long for soon. And when you finally hold that baby in your arms, you will know it was all worth it.
The final days I had my bean and I knew its little heart was flickering, it was tremendously comforting to me to have those last days together. I'd take it for long walks in Central Park, just me and my bean. I'd tell him secret things that are communicated between a mother and child. I gave money away to the poor whenever I could so that the bean could feel the beauty of giving and life. More than usual, we lent a helping hand in ways big and small to light the way for the bean. I feel like we tried to give the bean the best life had to offer in the short time we had him. The bean got to hear DH's voice telling him how much he was loved and wanted. He heard family's voices near my belly telling him he was loved. We did everything we could to love and give the bean a beautiful journey to God for as long as we could.
I know it sounds silly, we had a tiny little bean who we were talking to and loving so much... but it really helped us let go. I think having those final moments and saying what I needed to say and daring to so fearlessly love a little being that was destined to leave us gives me peace now. When we saw the ultrasound the following week, I knew instantly the bean was an angel and went to God like we told him to, if things were too hard. In a way, it gave me peace because I felt the bean listened to us and like an angel, fulfilled his little destiny in our lives and changed us forever.
Don't be scared, HOU. It'll be OK. And you know what, you still never know. There are miracles in life, and you can't count this one out until you know it in your heart. I was scared, too. But having gone through it, it is nothing. It was easy compared to the emotional loss. It was even cathartic and felt therapeutic. It is not the scary procedure that you hear about. If you find the right place, you will be among strong supportive women who will be like midwives to this process for you. It is healing, in a way. There is something very magical about the power of women - I feel like we emit a healing energy that revives and protects. I hope you can find such a place. If you need further help, let me know. I can give you all the information that I gleaned. It helped me to learn about what came next and finding the MVA and the right doctor was very comforting to me. It is a much kinder and gentler procedure for your future fertility.
This bean was meant for you and your DH. I believe that, just as I believe this little bean was meant for us. He (or she) inspired SO much love and brought us closer in unimaginable ways. We are so humbled and I believe my faith is stronger because of this miracle. To get pregnant in itself is a tiny miracle, is it not? What an amazing thing to experience as a woman. To have lived, and to have experienced this. It in itself is enough. I am rich in love. We are all blessed. Maybe I went through this first, so that I could help you. Life is mysterious and wonderful.
HOU, this will be the toughest week of your life. I know in many ways it was like dying several times over. So many little deaths of hope, every time you dare to hope - your heart breaks a little bit more. It's OK. You will be stronger and feel joy.
I now feel a deep joy and peace. You will heal. It is not a scary process, what you may go through. When or if you must cross that bridge, I will be there to help you. It is nothing compared to the pain of losing the bean. I was glad to go through it and somehow, it helped me to move on. Carrying the bean once it was gone was the most painful part of this; and I suggest that if a final procedure is imminent, you not prolong that time once a final U/S is performed.
Don't feel silly grieving. This IS a baby. Your baby. It is real. Don't let people say otherwise. They just don't understand. Most people do, but there will be a few who will say things that aren't helpful. They just don't know any better. This IS real and you should be able to honor your feelings. It is healthy. It is one part of healing and recovering.
I am so glad you have family coming. That is a huge tremendous blessing! I feel like my mom went through way more than even I did. Lean on them. May you always be so blessed with love all around you. We are the lucky ones. Can you imagine how women with no support go through this? We have the best of everything around us, even during this difficult time. You will survive and thrive after this loss. You will one day tell your future baby about his or her angel sibling in heaven. Nothing is in vain. They come to us to teach us lessons and to remind us that life is such a precious miracle.
You will go on to hold your special angel... don't give up hope. Yes, this is awful. Yes, this is will forever change you. But you will go on to find joy and hope, and even excitement about your future children one day. Many people came to me and told me their stories while I was going through this. Many women go on to have many healthy children afterwards. I don't know why so many women have to endure this loss before they get to hold their little angels. But I am sure it makes us hold them tighter and love like each day could be the last one. I know I love DH and my family and friends in this way now. You will be very fertile after this. There is so much hope for you. Your body knows what to do, like Mara says, you will have a beauuuuuutiful family when you are ready. That you got pregnant so fast is a very very good sign. Many women never even get to this point. There's so much going for you, even amid this sadness. And you have so many friends online and I am sure offline as well.
I am grieving for your heartbreak right now... So sorry, HOUie. Sending more prayers and healing vibes your way.
Love,
Bliss
somethingshiny
Ideal_Rock
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HOU~ I''m so sorry you''re going through this, too. I''m still sending lots of prayers for you and your bean. The last numbers I heard indicated that miscarrying was imminent only if the heartbeat dropped below 60, so there''s still hope.
Bliss~ Wonderful post and spot on.
I am living proof that you can go on to have healthy pregnancies after miscarrying. Please don''t lose hope for your little one to come to you.
Bliss~ Wonderful post and spot on.
I am living proof that you can go on to have healthy pregnancies after miscarrying. Please don''t lose hope for your little one to come to you.
Lanie
Brilliant_Rock
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- Feb 20, 2008
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Oh, HOU, so sad. The uncertainty is brutal, I know, but this too will pass. Wishing you some peace during this hard time...
Bliss, your strength is amazing. I am so glad you are healing and dealing well and with grace. What you said about feeling commonality with women and the power of the cycle of life rang true to me. Death is a part of life, and these false starts and early losses are a part of it too...
Bliss, your strength is amazing. I am so glad you are healing and dealing well and with grace. What you said about feeling commonality with women and the power of the cycle of life rang true to me. Death is a part of life, and these false starts and early losses are a part of it too...
KimberlyH
Ideal_Rock
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Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings
Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings - 04/14
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