just receive my daughter''s CC statement...

[Italiahaircolor]

Hand the bill over to her...

 

[that_someone_special]

Tell her if she goes above $x amount of money, the bill is all hers

 

[:)]

Date: 1/13/2009 11:35:16 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
we open a CC for her when she went to college,but she's back home now. she bought X-mas gifts for her friends

and i have to pick up the tab ??

i need to go back to

maybe this is only a dream. i told her to keep it under $300 per month, but $804 ???

She has more friends than I do (or she is a very generous friend!) I would like to sign up to become a friend of hers!

Send her a bill for $504.

 

[Elmorton]

Ditto to that - your daughter needs to cough up the 504. If costs like books or something were how she got up there, I could easily understand, but nobody needs to be spending $800 on friends - believe me, I was in a sorority, and I spent a lot on gift exchanges, but never anywhere remotely in that realm.

I don''t think it''s insane for you to help with a cc while your daughter is in college, but maybe establish some boundaries. DH''s mom paid his credit card in college - the rule was that he could use it all he wanted, but if she was to pay for the bill, all purchases needed to be approved first. My parents had a similar thing - they''d okay a purchase and reimburse me. It was my responsibility to make sure the bill got paid once I received their check.

 

[tlh]

1) She''s back home... so if you are paying for the house, the heat, the food, the water, anything else? what does she need the cc for? emergencies?

You gave her an allowance of $300 per month. This is quite hefty. Even gas and food shouldn''t come to this... since she is living at home, and you probably have food in the fridge, right? If she bought Xmas gifts for her friends w/ your credit card that YOU are paying for... then YOU really bought the gifts for her friends.

Sounds like you need to get her one of those annoying pre-paid credit cards. She cannot use it until she puts money in. If there is a card she needs in the case of emergencies... since she lives at home, you should be able to be there to pay anything that is TRULY an emergency that would be over that amount.

Stinks, but at some point, as a parent you enable this behavior.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/13/2009 1:50:32 PM
Author:

Date: 1/13/2009 11:35:16 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

we open a CC for her when she went to college,but she''s back home now. she bought X-mas gifts for her friends

and i have to pick up the tab ??

i need to go back to

maybe this is only a dream. i told her to keep it under $300 per month, but $804 ???

Send her a bill for $504.

Ditto! She knew the limit and went over it.

 

[musey]

My parents supported me during college, but in the flipped way that your doing it... maybe you should try their method?

They gave me a set amount every month (as though I were earning income from them), and I was responsible for paying ALL of my expenses (including tuition bi-annually, which I had to set aside money in my savings account for in order to keep it separated in my head from the rest of "my money") using that "income."

So if I ran out of money, it was truly running out of money, not just spending more than my parents told me to

 

[musey]

Nevermind, just saw that she is not a student anymore. It''s time for her to get her own credit card with only HER name attached to it, IMHO

 

[Steel]

Will you adopt me?
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Please?

 

[Lulie]

Date: 1/13/2009 11:35:16 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
we open a CC for her when she went to college,but she's back home now. she bought X-mas gifts for her friends

and i have to pick up the tab ??

i need to go back to

maybe this is only a dream. i told her to keep it under $300 per month, but $804 ???

If she's home no credit card needed [4emergencies right?] Take it away from her, and two options:
1) Get a j-o-b at starbucks, so she can realate to 'other' responsable kids and pay you.
2) Make her w-o-r-k at home, I'm an avid gardener. My kid [nephew] paid $895 last
summer to GET his CC back...I'm tellin' ya he worked like a horse: cleared overgrown
Jasmins [9] on the hillside [EARLY in the morning

too hot in CA after 11.
He also planted 6 albino Bird of paradise, [this meant, pick them from the nursery,
drag the wooden boxes home, dig holes for them etc]
The pool guy had a month 'vaca' and my kid took care of ALL his 'to do' list.
There are always excuses ie summer classes, I'm busy etc. Imho, there's no excuse to
learn the meaning of a dollar.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Honestly DF, I would tell her that this is her responsibility to pay. That is a lot of money, especially to be spending on her buddies! Tough love, that is what I would do.

 

[Efe]

This is about respect, or lack thereof. She did it because she knew she could. I would make her pay me back and would make her earn my respect back.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 1/13/2009 2:25:09 PM
Author: BizouMom
This is about respect, or lack thereof. She did it because she knew she could. I would make her pay me back and would make her earn my respect back.

Ditto. And ditto to Musey. It isn''t for me to say whether or not you should give her money in general...but I would give her cash to put in her checking account. When she runs out, she runs out!

 

[coatimundi_org]

Yah! Hand her the bill and tell her to pay it!

 

[FrekeChild]

I''ve never had a credit card.

I would make her pay it back.

 

[Dancing Fire]

the CC was for her to purchase books,food,gas while she was in school. haven''t read all the replies yet. LUNCH TIME!!

 

[mrssalvo]

I''''m with the others that would make her pay the $500 difference. Then I would lower the credit limit to $300 or better yet, do the prepaid debit/CC and put $300 on it month so when it''s out it''s out.

hubby and i stopped using credit cards almost 10 years ago and it was the best decision we could have made for our finances. It''s a dangerous cycle and you might as well teach them young and not enable.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 1/13/2009 11:11:59 AM
Author:Dancing Fire
$804 bucks !!

how can i tell her to stop spending so much $$$''s ?

Show her you own a pair of scissors, and you aren''t afraid to use them!

 

[pennquaker09]

I''ve read all the responses and I generally agree. I mainly agree that she should be required to pay the $504 above the $300 limit that you originally set.

Some parents give their kids credit cards I would be a hypocrite if I said anything was wrong because my parents did the same for me.

 

[bee*]

Just don''t pay the bill for her.

 

[crown1]

dancing fire, i believe you are going to have to teach the daughter to budget and operate using cash. credit cards got a great deal of the adult population in trouble and have really played havoc with the economy.

i would give her the cash (or a check) and let her learn how to be a responsible adult. she will be learning with a lot of people. better yet ask suzi orman she has call in. i think she will agree with most of the posters.

you enabled her and you will have to pull the plug unless you are prepared to pay the piper. if you can pay and wish to support her in this fashion it is your right to do so. i do agree with the saying, if you give a man a fish he will have one meal but if you teach him how to fish he can eat for life (or something like that).

you must have done better in the stock market than you have been telling us.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think not only does she need to pay the $504, but she clearly needs money management lessons. IMO, the issue isn''t so much her having or not having your credit card, but her thinking that she can go over the limit you set without any consequences.

I''d set her up an appointment with a financial planner, then set aside CASH or a prepaid card for her each month so she learns to manage it - it will be the best gift you ever gave her. My parents got me and my DH an appointment with a financial planner when we graduated college and it was invaluable - much better than just handing us money and sending us off to figure it out on our own.

 

[Kaleigh]

DF I am suprised at you. You need to take the card away. If she needs something she should pay cash for it.

 

[Linda W]

DF: I know you are a Chinese family. If you are anything like my brother-in-law, you spoil your children rotten

. That''s the way it is in Chinese families. My sister-in-law, who is white (hubby''s sister) argues with him all of the time.

They are a kind and wonderful family and will do anything for their children (all adults now). They even bought the two oldest sons a house, as a wedding gift. Soooooooo, as many will disagree, this is the way it is.

Brother-in-law, comes from a huge family 7 siblings in all and they all spoil their kids (now all adults.) From what I have seen, it is a cultural thing. I have teased them all many many times, to adopt us into their family.

They are all very kind and generous.

Maybe it is just this particular family, but I have been told "it is a Chinese thing".

 

[AprilBaby]

Ditto, give her the bill! NONE of my kids has a card I pay for. Everything is in THEIR name and THEY pay the bill.

 

[purselover]

my parents gave me a credit card when I went away to college and told me not spend over like $500 or something a month, however I was genuinely bad at keeping tracking of my spending and spent closer to $1000 a month, after a couple months they lowered the limit so I couldn''t spend over $500 and then had a separate emergency credit card with a higher limit for anything legitimate like books that I could only use with permission or else it''d be gone. It worked well for them so I suggest that.

 

[Sizzle]

Date: 1/13/2009 11:57:55 AM
Author: Pandora II
Sorry, but I have no sympathy. Why are you enabling her?

Why does she have a credit card that you are paying for?????

WORD!

 

[Dancing Fire]

she is 22 yrs old. pay her own bills with what ??

she don''t have a job. she''s planning on going back to school in May for her masters degree.

 

[packrat]

What about having a job until she goes back? Some places will hire on a temp basis, and if she can find a job related to what she''s going to school for, she can get experience. I''ve had a job since I was 16-worked while going to high school, and if I''d gone on to college, I''d''ve had to work at the same time to pay for it. Lots of kids do that.

 

[princesss]

I''m 22. So is my boyfriend. I pay all my own bills (and have always been fully responsible for my credit card bills and cell phone bills, even when I ran up a HUGE phone bill). BF doesn''t have a good job, but he found himself a job to pay his bills. She can work before she goes back to school. I agree with the posters that said give her cash. I got a monthly allowance from my parents in cash all through college. What I did with it was my business, but when it was gone, that was it. If I wasn''t happy with the amount (and I wasn''t) I got a job. Sometimes two jobs. She can do this, too.

Bottom line, she''s an adult, she needs to act like one. And to act like one, she''ll have to be treated like one. She went over her budget, she needs to figure out how to fix it.