just receive my daughter''s CC statement...

[cammy85]

Just wanted to chime in about the whole parent''s financial involvement in college education. I recently graduated (within the last 5 years) and my parents did pay for my tuition and housing - which was more than generous of them. In return, I had to pay for all my books and all my class-related expenses. In engineering (I''m assuming in most any major) books are EXPENSIVE. I spent anywhere from 500-700 dollars a semester on text books alone. I didn''t have time during the school year for a job, but during the summers I worked.

I had a ''for emergencies only'' credit card in my name but attached to my parents'' account - that was only if something major came up and I didn''t have the immediate funds available to cover it (ie car problems, medical problems, etc). I even paid back several of those charges because I didn''t feel it was fair for them to have to foot my bills. My parents did cover groceries on occasion as well.

I really don''t think any recreational spending by your daughter should have to be covered by your money. You said she bought christmas gifts for her friends - does she also buy clothes and stuff with that money? It''s not your job to provide her the funds so she can buy nice gifts for her friends. It seems like she doesn''t realize that, and I am worried she''ll keep pushing the spending boundaries. 504 dollars over budget

I''ll echo that I really think she needs to learn the value of money - and that it IS possible to make money during the summers even if she can''t have one during the school year.

My credit card typically has 800-900 dollars charged to it each month (groceries, gas, clothing, fun stuff). I can''t fathom spending that much while in college, unless I had to get text books.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:04:25 AM
Author: MC

Date: 1/14/2009 11:01:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
MC, no joke this time. her mommy will have a talk with her.

Glad to hear you and your wife are taking action.

Best of luck!

and...get this. you wanna hear her "famous quote" when she calls home from school.
i ask her...what are you doing? she always say...oh nothing. "just wasting my time spending your money"

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:05:23 AM
Author: mrssalvo

Date: 1/14/2009 10:10:16 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
originally we ask for a $300 limit on her CC but the cc company said...$500 was the minimum amount issue on their cc. anyway,now the CC co. raised her card limit to $2000.

Is the card in her name or yours? If you have control over it, call them and demand they lower it back to $500 or threaten to close the account. If it''s in her name make her close the account and start getting her the $300 pre-paid cards each month. seriously, she is 22 and should be in charge of her own finances at this point IMO. If you are going to still pay her bills, then you take control again.

the cc is in her name,but under our account. we requested an extra card for her when she started college.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:27:14 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/14/2009 11:04:25 AM
Author: MC

Date: 1/14/2009 11:01:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
MC, no joke this time. her mommy will have a talk with her.

Glad to hear you and your wife are taking action.

Best of luck!

and...get this. you wanna hear her ''famous quote'' when she calls home from school.
i ask her...what are you doing? she always say...oh nothing. ''just wasting my time spending your money''

I tried not to judge your choice as a parent to provide her with certain benefits and I still won''t do that.

However, when an adult is so ungrateful that they make passing remarks such as "just wasting my time spending your money" then the question boils down to what did that adult learn at home.

For example, you asked earlier as well if parents should pay for a child''s wedding and were surprised at how much parents can dish out for their children''s weddings. However, the dynamics of your relationship with your daughter seems like one that will head down the path of her expecting you to pay for the wedding with very little gratitude given once you do.

Again, I have no problem with a parent choosing to support their child. But when that child becomes ungrateful and almost expects that treatment, you are really doing a huge disservice to that child.

Of all people you should know that life doesn''t hand you everything on a silver platter (or is it gold?) but that is what your daughter is being shown through your actions. It''s time for a huge reality check.

 

[D2B]

With greatest respect, you are being taken for a ride.

OK she has no job, but she can earn the money back in other ways.

Simply alllocate the standard hourly rate and allocate some REAL chores around the house, or sign her up for the local volunteer organisation in your area and do the same thing until she has "earned the money" iykwim. she needs to be taught consequences otherswise you are not teaching her to be an adult and will do her a disservice.

there is no reason (if she cant find a summer job), that she cant do chores around the hosue or volunteer work to "pay off" the bill. she may even learn some valuable life lessons doing some vounteer work and seeing how others live.

talking to her will do nothing, she is an adult (22 years oldI think you said) , I mean seriously she knows what she did, she willl say all the right things and then continue to walk all over you and do it again. I would also limit her allowance while at home to the minimum to reclaim some of the money, going out money etc, please - if you want to party pay for it yourself. sorry to sound so hard, but I remember when I was at uni and how some kids talked about their parents who would just hand over money, it was not pretty and it did them no service in the long run.

good luck, it is hard being a parent, but sometimes you have to be tough to help them in the long term.

sorry if it comes accross as harsh, but this is exactly what I would tell my best friend. It feels strange being so honest with a stranger iykwim, no disresepct intended. But dont let her play you.

d2b

 

[cara]

This has definitely already been said, but I''ll say it again.

You are doing your daughter no favors by letting *her* determine the amount of money you will give her.

Just look at the dynamic it sets up? A hypothetical good daughter who listens to your limit and pays attention to her spending gets ~$300/mo but daughter who pushes your limits/doesn''t budget/spends whatever she wants gets $1000/mo!?!

You can still be a generous Dad, supporting your daughter, and give her a fixed amount each month and pay her tuition (if and when it comes to that.) But the key here is to give her a fixed amount and let her deal with the budgeting. Just to emphasize my point, you can decide that you will give her $500 a month flat (ie. very generous), and she will need to budget to buy her christmas gifts and books and whatnot with that amount.

Personally, at 21, I think she should establish credit in her own name that she is responsible for. But if you choose to keep her on your account, call the company and move the limit back to $500 and tell them never to raise it. And tell your daughter to get her own card for emergencies, and to get a job. Part-time/crapy/tutoring even? While I understand your concern about working interfering with studying, she is not yet in school and she can always quit or ask for her hours to be reduced. She should be doing something useful between now and then...

 

[Judah Gutwein]

Been watching this thread....Cara, well said.

DF, best of luck with your plans..
I''d shred the card, personally...

 

[crown1]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:11:58 AM
Author: crown1

Date: 1/14/2009 10:40:29 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/14/2009 10:27:21 AM


Author: crown1

Date: 1/14/2009 1:53:01 AM


Author: Dancing Fire


i don''t know

sometime i look at it this way...




let say we don''t support our daughters financially through their college yrs,then when we kick the bucket they''ll probably blow the money on some stupid things. at least this way they will get a good education.

i am for paying a child''s college expenses if a parent can afford to do so. you are not talking about college expenses you are talking gifts for friends.



you are the person who has come out and started a thread about how some of your friends without college educations are doing better than the ones with degrees. it seems you are making a pretty good income without the benefit of college and you are using english as a second language to boot. get real. the daughter already knows plenty. she knows how to manipulate you. she has a degree she is smart enough to do the math. who are you kidding? is this for real or just for your amusement? i think you know your daughter is smart and able enough to keep track of her expenses. she is playing you or you are playing us.

crown


will you pay the $804 if i send you her CC statement?

without a doubt! just send it right along and i will be happy to pay it for her. she deserves it and so do you! just find a way to get it to me. see, i can joke also. nothing wrong with that but if your daughter really is spending like you have reported it is not a laughing matter and you do her no favor contributing to her irresponsible habits.


she is your daughter and it is none of my business! i only commented since you choose to announce it on a public forum. i have more respect for my daughter than to do such a thing. i would however, be keen on getting her financial situation straightened out if she was behaving fiscally irresponsible. it happens to most kids and it can be fixed if it is not dismissed. no more advice from me since you don''t take anything us posters have said seriously. i say this as tough love since you are a valued contributor to this forum.

no reply. must be: lunch!

 

[orbaya]

Have you asked her why she thought it you wouldn''t mind spending $500 on gifts for her friends...without your permission? She took advantage of your generosity. Would she have spent that much on her friends if she thought she would have to pay the entire bill? Probably not. She just assumed you wouldn''t mind.

Take away the card, and hand her ONLY cash. If she wants more than what you are willing to give, then she''ll need to do the grown up thing and find a job. And when she does, her first priority should be paying you the $504.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:27:14 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/14/2009 11:04:25 AM
Author: MC

Date: 1/14/2009 11:01:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
MC, no joke this time. her mommy will have a talk with her.

Glad to hear you and your wife are taking action.

Best of luck!

and...get this. you wanna hear her 'famous quote' when she calls home from school.
i ask her...what are you doing? she always say...oh nothing. 'just wasting my time spending your money'

Okay, time to boot her out of the house!!! (lol - just kidding)

I agree with the poster who said your daughter is old enough to establish her own credit. If she doen't have a job and doesn't have the income to pay off her bill, then she isn't ready to have any plastic in her wallet!!!

FWIW, I got my first credit card at age 18. It was a Nordstrom card and they gave me a whopping $100 credit line (lol), but that was a start and within a few years I had my first VISA and was able to build up my credit and get a car loan in my own name AND be able to easily qualify for an apartment on my credit/income alone with out a roommate.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:04:25 AM
Author: MC

Date: 1/14/2009 11:01:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
MC, no joke this time. her mommy will have a talk with her.

Glad to hear you and your wife are taking action.

Best of luck!

With all due respect, talk does not equal action.

DF: Your daughter is knowingly disrespecting you and your wife. ''Nuff said.

 

[joflier]

What if you take away the credit card, and replace it with a prepaid card. That way, you can put $300 on it each month, and once its gone, its gone until the next month. That way she has no way of overspending.

 

[partgypsy]

Dancing fire, you are a very generous father. Granted this was in the mid-late 80''s but when I was in college my parents gave me $500 a SEMESTER for living expenses, to cover rent, utilities, food, books, etc. Needless to say I needed to work during the summer and also pick up small jobs during the semester to make ends meet. I got a check at the beginning of the semester, and that was it. It was up to me to open and keep a checking account and manage my money. Your daughter needs to learn to grow up and start learning how to manage and budget money, it could be one of the most valuable lessons she learns from her. Personally I don''t think at this stage she needs a credit card at all (too much potential trouble).

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:04:26 PM
Author: joflier
What if you take away the credit card, and replace it with a prepaid card. That way, you can put $300 on it each month, and once its gone, its gone until the next month. That way she has no way of overspending.

Ditto to all who said this.

We never gave our kids credit cards because we wanted them to learn to live off what they had. We deposited a certain amount into their accounts monthly and they knew that was all they had to spend.

We do use a card to charge everything we buy almost and pay it off in full each month. But I''d never give that responsibility to a young person because they need to learn responsibility and self-discipline before they have a CC.

I also agree with all those who said your daughter is not respecting you and your wife, and I do think the card needs to be taken away.

 

[E B]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:04:26 PM
Author: joflier
What if you take away the credit card, and replace it with a prepaid card. That way, you can put $300 on it each month, and once its gone, its gone until the next month. That way she has no way of overspending.

This sounds like a great idea.

I was in college not too long ago, and thankfully, my father paid my (in-state, public) tuition, room, and board. I wouldn't have DREAMED of putting $500 worth of Christmas gifts on his tab, though- oh, the trouble I would have been in. I was (and still am) incredibly grateful for his generosity.

 

[Dancing Fire]

i agree with you guys, most of this was my fault for giving her easy money. hopefully her mom will talk some sense into her head.

 

[packrat]

Mom can''t talk much sense into her head if she''s allowed to do it in the first place. And just for 1 parent to say no, isn''t going to work well. When *she* can afford to buy presents for *her* friends, then *she* can do it. But not on mom and dad''s dime. She seems to have a sense of entitlement, and that''ll come bite you in the butt later. I''d never have had the guts to say (much less actually DO) what she said about spending your money-I''ve got WAY too much respect for my parents, and I''m quite certain I''d have heard something along the lines of "If you ever talk to me that way again I''ll take your financial support away so fast it''ll make your head spin".

 

[AprilBaby]

If its your fault why does mom have to clean up the mess?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/14/2009 8:42:42 PM
Author: AprilBaby
If its your fault why does mom have to clean up the mess?

cuz she''s the mean one.