just receive my daughter''s CC statement...

[Tuckins1]

Cancel it and make her get one in her own name. If she''s gonna spend like a big girl, she''s gonna have to pay like one!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 7:33:36 PM
Author: packrat
What about having a job until she goes back? Some places will hire on a temp basis, and if she can find a job related to what she's going to school for, she can get experience. I've had a job since I was 16-worked while going to high school, and if I'd gone on to college, I'd've had to work at the same time to pay for it. Lots of kids do that.

i know but...what if the job interferes with her classes,then she might need to stay an extra semester to graduate. now... guess who's gonna end up paying that extra semester of tutition and housing?.

her apartment alone cost us $775 per month even though she was sharing the place with two other roommates.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/13/2009 7:28:42 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
she is 22 yrs old. pay her own bills with what ??

she don't have a job. she's planning on going back to school in May for her masters degree.

Okay, so that just is what she wants, that sort of thinking so you pick up the tab (enabling her behavior). Not to be mean but if my parents bailed me out back in the day when I spent too much I don't think I would have learned my lesson, honest. She is old enough to know better and sounds like she is taking advantage. Does she go to school in the summer where she could work to pay you back? What about babysitting? I would cut up that credit card, then.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/13/2009 8:31:15 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 7:33:36 PM

Author: packrat

What about having a job until she goes back? Some places will hire on a temp basis, and if she can find a job related to what she''s going to school for, she can get experience. I''ve had a job since I was 16-worked while going to high school, and if I''d gone on to college, I''d''ve had to work at the same time to pay for it. Lots of kids do that.

i know but...what if the job interferes with her classes,then she needs to stay an extra semester to graduate. now... guess who''s gonna end up paying that extra semester of tutition and housing?.

her apartment alone cost us $775 per month even though she was sharing the place with two other roomates.

After freshman year of undergrad, I worked every semester (minus when I was abroad). I graduated on time. Tell her you will only pay $x, and she''s responsible after that. Only give it to her in cash. If she runs out, she can walk over to the bank and apply for a loan. You don''t HAVE to pay for her grad school. That is a GIFT. You can choose how much you give, and how long, and if there are any ties. (For example, I got $xxx per month spending money, my parents paid my tuition up to $xxxxx per year, and they only paid for four years and all of that only if my GPA was above 3.0. You can set limits, and if she goes over them, you can pull funding. That''s an okay thing to do.)

 

[Kaleigh]

DF you are a great Dad. BUT you have to teach her to be fiscally responsible. DD is 20 soon to be 21. She pays her cc bill in full. She works during the summers. She helps with her rent All extras are on her. Including her books. If I said to her tomorrow, it''s ok, I will pay your way. She would say, no, she likes knowing she''s paying part of it, as best as she can. She''s not one to take a hand out, she wants to earn it herself.

 

[packrat]

Well, I guess I figure there''s people all over the world going to school and working at the same time, you know? Some people are married and have kids, plus they go to school and work as well..it can be done, but it takes time management and discipline. Work on weekends or in the evening..My brother''s in the Navy-he works full time and goes to school 4 nights a week. Studies on the weekends. He''ll have his 4 year degree in 4 years-it won''t take him any longer b/c of his job. He doesn''t get to go out as much on the weekends if he''s got studying to do-but he wants his degree. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. It''s hard, I know, when it''s your kid and you want to help them out and make things easier..but at some point she has to stand on her own two feet. If she doesn''t learn the value of a dollar now, will you continue to pay her way when she''s on her own? When she''s married? Where do you draw the line? Will you say, "I''ll help you out this much and no more.." and then when she doesn''t listen, help her out anyway?

 

[Kaleigh]

Most would say work experience is needed before a masters degree, but not sure what her degree she is going for? I mean you can go to school forever at this point. Yanno? $$$$$$

 

[honey22]

It''s incredibly generous of you to support her through college and I understand your predicament, if she works and stays longer, it''s you who will financially suffer.

I would sit her down and have a frank conversation with her about how she has abused your trust and generosity by using the cc for presents for her friends. This is not acceptable at all. If she continues to abuse her cc then you will stop it altogether, and she will have to get a job to support not only herself, but her tuition and living expenses.

Many many students support themselves through college, it''s fantastic that you are in a position to help her, but she needs to appreciate and respect the priviledged position she is in. So many students would kill for an easy ride like that. Maybe she needs a little eye opener by having you withdraw your support. She will survive and she will thank you for it down the track.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 8:50:46 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Most would say work experience is needed before a masters degree, but not sure what her degree she is going for? I mean you can go to school forever at this point. Yanno? $$$$$$

she have a BA in psychology.

 

[lovegem]

Date: 1/13/2009 8:31:15 PM

her apartment alone cost us $775 per month even though she was sharing the place with two other roommates.

Sorry to say this, but your daughter is truly spoiled. No amount of education can help her being more responsible for her own life. The point you have to tell her is.. you don't earn, you don't spend. you spend, you earn.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 8:47:57 PM
Author: Kaleigh
DF you are a great Dad. BUT you have to teach her to be fiscally responsible. DD is 20 soon to be 21. She pays her cc bill in full. She works during the summers. She helps with her rent All extras are on her. Including her books. If I said to her tomorrow, it's ok, I will pay your way. She would say, no, she likes knowing she's paying part of it, as best as she can. She's not one to take a hand out, she wants to earn it herself.

look who's talking...aren't you paying for your daughter's ivy league tuition ?

anyway, in no way we can afford ivy league school,plus she ain't smart like your daughter.

 

[Kaleigh]

And

Date: 1/13/2009 9:46:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 8:47:57 PM
Author: Kaleigh
DF you are a great Dad. BUT you have to teach her to be fiscally responsible. DD is 20 soon to be 21. She pays her cc bill in full. She works during the summers. She helps with her rent All extras are on her. Including her books. If I said to her tomorrow, it's ok, I will pay your way. She would say, no, she likes knowing she's paying part of it, as best as she can. She's not one to take a hand out, she wants to earn it herself.

look who's talking...aren't you paying for your daughter's ivy league tuition ?

anyway, in no way we can afford ivy league school,plus she ain't smart like your daughter.

Your daughter is very smart, to put her down like this makes me sad. And angry DF. I wouldn't have expected this from you, this

is an all time low. We do pay her tuition, I never said we didn't . Why does Ivy League have to be brought up. It doesn't matter does it?

My husband and I work very hard for this school, . We give a lot back and then some. UGHH.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Well if you insist on letting her keep a card, call the company and tell them to decrease her limit to $300.

And she can get a job between now and going back for her masters degree. Lots of places need temporary help. Like starbucks, 7-11, etc. You are not teaching her anything useful by setting rules and then not following through when she breaks them.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 10:04:53 PM
Author: Kaleigh
And

Date: 1/13/2009 9:46:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 8:47:57 PM
Author: Kaleigh
DF you are a great Dad. BUT you have to teach her to be fiscally responsible. DD is 20 soon to be 21. She pays her cc bill in full. She works during the summers. She helps with her rent All extras are on her. Including her books. If I said to her tomorrow, it's ok, I will pay your way. She would say, no, she likes knowing she's paying part of it, as best as she can. She's not one to take a hand out, she wants to earn it herself.

look who's talking...aren't you paying for your daughter's ivy league tuition ?

anyway, in no way we can afford ivy league school,plus she ain't smart like your daughter.

Your daughter is very smart, to put her down like this makes me sad. And angry DF. I wouldn't have expected this from you, this

is an all time low. We do pay her tuition, I never said we didn't . Why does Ivy League have to be brought up. It doesn't matter does it?

My husband and I work very hard for this school. We give a lot back and then some. UGHH.

sure it matters. wish i was smart enough to be accepted into an Ivy League school,but then, what do i know about education

i grew up in bowling alleys and pool halls.

 

[VRBeauty]

DF: My parents are also "old country" (we''re immigrants, my father is Chinese and I''m the only daughter.) I mostly paid my way through school thanks to financial assistance and seasonal jobs when I wasn''t in school, but I my parents were ready to pick up the slack at any point -- and they often did. They also never discussed financial limits with us kids when we were younger, even though we were probably living close to the poverty level for several years. They held multiple jobs, and there was always money for music lessons, scouts, etc. even though the dinner meat might have been bologna, spam, or a poached egg.

I hope I don''t sound ungrateful, because I''m not. I''m totally mindful of my parents'' sacrifices all along the way. But... once I moved out and started working, I had to learn about budgeting and limits all on my own. I''ve never crashed and burned -- I did absorb some basic frugality from my childhood! -- but I don''t have the best budgeting and spending habits even today.

My point is simply that you''re not doing your daughter any favors by coddling her. You''ve received some excellent suggestions here about ways to set and enforce limits on your contributions... I hope you''ll consider them thoughtfully and come up with a new approach.

 

[choro72]

I would say she has lost her spending privilege. That credit card needs to be confiscated and turned into a cash card. $300 WAAAAAAAY generous enough.

 

[Dancing Fire]

i don't know

sometime i look at it this way...

let say we don't support our daughters financially through their college yrs,then when we kick the bucket they'll probably blow the money on some stupid things. at least this way they will get a good education.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 1/14/2009 1:53:01 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i don''t know

sometime i look at it this way...


let say we don''t support our daughters financially through their college yrs,then when we kick the bucket they''ll probably blow the money on some stupid things. at least this way they will get a good education.

No one here said not to help her financially through college....but running up $800 on gifts for friends is way over the top and shows that she is not responsible with money because it is not coming from HER hard work, it''s coming out of Daddy''s wallet so she is careless with it. I bet you that if she had worked a job for that $800, she would not have blown it on extravagant gifts for friends. You need to teach her these lessons before she is out on her own, or she will be running back to Daddy to fix everything when she''s 30!!!

 

[sparkles]

Ouch..........seems like a lesson learned on the cheap......or not..depends on which way you look at it.

I''m not for the idea of ccards. Especially when it comes to learning how to manage money. Its not real money until the end of the month....and then bam! it hits you. You have to be religious in keeping track of what you spend. Its feels even less like real money when someone else is picking up the tab!

If you have an agreed arrangement to pick up the bill totalling $300 every month.....a prepaid ccard sounds like the right way to go.....it would certainly be more help in teaching your daughter how to budget.

 

[mrssalvo]

DF-I think it''s great that you help your daughter''s though school and pay for rent/books etc. But, you gave her a guideline of $300/month and she abused it. Somehow she needs to learn that that was not okay. Bail her out if you must but then lower the limit so it cannot happen again. Also, although my parents paid for some of my college tuition, I still worked a part time job and managed to take a full course load and graduate a semester early. I also worked while I was in grad school. So, unless she has some type of special circumstance (i.e. plays sports) where she just cannot work, there is no reason that she can''t get some type of part time job that would easily work around her school schedule. I actually worked at my school while doing my undergrad. I worked at a health club and babysat on the weekends when I was in grad. school.

 

[anyname]

Date: 1/13/2009 9:20:01 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 8:50:46 PM

Author: Kaleigh

Most would say work experience is needed before a masters degree, but not sure what her degree she is going for? I mean you can go to school forever at this point. Yanno? $$$$$$

she have a BA in psychology.

Have you talked with your daughter yet about her running up the bill? I have a BA in psych and i can honestly say that it is not worth the paper that it''s printed on. But that''s mainly because for what i want to do i need a PhD at least. You do need a masters, but i advise to think about that carefully too...Anyway, even though my job options were very VERY limited after graduation i was still able to find something that paid the bills. I worked as a teaching assistant for kids for learning disabilities for 4 years, so i worked while i completed my masters. I worked full time and went to school full time and graduated with over a 3.90 GPA, and i was a horrible student in undergrad. Graduate school is easier. I don''t know your daughter so i don''t know if she can work full time, but almost all of grad students work, it is nearly impossible for them not too. The only ones that didn''t work had trust funds. Have her take out loans and she will pay for them when she graduates. You don''t have to kick her out on the streets, but it''s time to start pushing her out of her nest. I''m Chinese, so i know it can be hard for the parents.

 

[Dancing Fire]

originally we ask for a $300 limit on her CC but the cc company said...$500 was the minimum amount issue on their cc. anyway,now the CC co. raised her card limit to $2000.

 

[crown1]

Date: 1/14/2009 1:53:01 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i don''t know

sometime i look at it this way...


let say we don''t support our daughters financially through their college yrs,then when we kick the bucket they''ll probably blow the money on some stupid things. at least this way they will get a good education.

i am for paying a child''s college expenses if a parent can afford to do so. you are not talking about college expenses you are talking gifts for friends.

you are the person who has come out and started a thread about how some of your friends without college educations are doing better than the ones with degrees. it seems you are making a pretty good income without the benefit of college and you are using english as a second language to boot. get real. the daughter already knows plenty. she knows how to manipulate you. she has a degree she is smart enough to do the math. who are you kidding? is this for real or just for your amusement? i think you know your daughter is smart and able enough to keep track of her expenses. she is playing you or you are playing us.

 

[fieryred33143]

If she''s getting her Masters in Psycology then I can completey understand the interference of work with her studies and the desire to not want her to work during school.

Christmas break isn''t long enough to really have a job. But if she''s home during the summer, she should at least pick up a part-time job to take care of her expenses during tha time.

And again if you are ok with paying $300 then she should put up the rest of the money. If she can''t because she has no job, then maybe you can put her on a "probation" period. You can take away the card for 3 months since she went over her limit nearly three times.

I do agree with others that she needs to learn to be fiscally responsible if not she''ll walk all over you later on.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/14/2009 10:27:21 AM
Author: crown1

Date: 1/14/2009 1:53:01 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i don''t know

sometime i look at it this way...


let say we don''t support our daughters financially through their college yrs,then when we kick the bucket they''ll probably blow the money on some stupid things. at least this way they will get a good education.

i am for paying a child''s college expenses if a parent can afford to do so. you are not talking about college expenses you are talking gifts for friends.

you are the person who has come out and started a thread about how some of your friends without college educations are doing better than the ones with degrees. it seems you are making a pretty good income without the benefit of college and you are using english as a second language to boot. get real. the daughter already knows plenty. she knows how to manipulate you. she has a degree she is smart enough to do the math. who are you kidding? is this for real or just for your amusement? i think you know your daughter is smart and able enough to keep track of her expenses. she is playing you or you are playing us.

crown
will you pay the $804 if i send you her CC statement?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/14/2009 10:40:29 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/14/2009 10:27:21 AM
Author: crown1



i am for paying a child''s college expenses if a parent can afford to do so. you are not talking about college expenses you are talking gifts for friends.

you are the person who has come out and started a thread about how some of your friends without college educations are doing better than the ones with degrees. it seems you are making a pretty good income without the benefit of college and you are using english as a second language to boot. get real. the daughter already knows plenty. she knows how to manipulate you. she has a degree she is smart enough to do the math. who are you kidding? is this for real or just for your amusement? i think you know your daughter is smart and able enough to keep track of her expenses. she is playing you or you are playing us.

crown
will you pay the $804 if i send you her CC statement?

You''re really joking, right, DF? Please tell my you''re going to stand up to your daughter re: the $504! If she''s not in school and doesn''t have a job, she should at least be working with a few temp. agencies to find some sort of employment. What is she doing all day???

Possibly this thread IS a joke and for your amusement as I cannot imagine a parent lacking in back bone to such a degree!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/14/2009 10:45:27 AM
Author: MC

Date: 1/14/2009 10:40:29 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/14/2009 10:27:21 AM
Author: crown1



i am for paying a child's college expenses if a parent can afford to do so. you are not talking about college expenses you are talking gifts for friends.

you are the person who has come out and started a thread about how some of your friends without college educations are doing better than the ones with degrees. it seems you are making a pretty good income without the benefit of college and you are using english as a second language to boot. get real. the daughter already knows plenty. she knows how to manipulate you. she has a degree she is smart enough to do the math. who are you kidding? is this for real or just for your amusement? i think you know your daughter is smart and able enough to keep track of her expenses. she is playing you or you are playing us.

crown
will you pay the $804 if i send you her CC statement?

You're really joking, right, DF? Please tell my you're going to stand up to your daughter re: the $504! If she's not in school and doesn't have a job, she should at least be working with a few temp. agencies to find some sort of employment. What is she doing all day???

Possibly this thread IS a joke and for your amusement as I cannot imagine a parent lacking in back bone to such a degree!

MC, no joke this time. her mommy will have a talk with her.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/14/2009 11:01:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
MC, no joke this time. her mommy will have a talk with her.

Glad to hear you and your wife are taking action.

Best of luck!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 1/14/2009 10:10:16 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
originally we ask for a $300 limit on her CC but the cc company said...$500 was the minimum amount issue on their cc. anyway,now the CC co. raised her card limit to $2000.

Is the card in her name or yours? If you have control over it, call them and demand they lower it back to $500 or threaten to close the account. If it''s in her name make her close the account and start getting her the $300 pre-paid cards each month. seriously, she is 22 and should be in charge of her own finances at this point IMO. If you are going to still pay her bills, then you take control again.

 

[crown1]

Date: 1/14/2009 10:40:29 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/14/2009 10:27:21 AM

Author: crown1

Date: 1/14/2009 1:53:01 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

i don''t know

sometime i look at it this way...



let say we don''t support our daughters financially through their college yrs,then when we kick the bucket they''ll probably blow the money on some stupid things. at least this way they will get a good education.

i am for paying a child''s college expenses if a parent can afford to do so. you are not talking about college expenses you are talking gifts for friends.


you are the person who has come out and started a thread about how some of your friends without college educations are doing better than the ones with degrees. it seems you are making a pretty good income without the benefit of college and you are using english as a second language to boot. get real. the daughter already knows plenty. she knows how to manipulate you. she has a degree she is smart enough to do the math. who are you kidding? is this for real or just for your amusement? i think you know your daughter is smart and able enough to keep track of her expenses. she is playing you or you are playing us.

crown

will you pay the $804 if i send you her CC statement?

without a doubt! just send it right along and i will be happy to pay it for her. she deserves it and so do you! just find a way to get it to me. see, i can joke also. nothing wrong with that but if your daughter really is spending like you have reported it is not a laughing matter and you do her no favor contributing to her irresponsible habits.

she is your daughter and it is none of my business! i only commented since you choose to announce it on a public forum. i have more respect for my daughter than to do such a thing. i would however, be keen on getting her financial situation straightened out if she was behaving fiscally irresponsible. it happens to most kids and it can be fixed if it is not dismissed. no more advice from me since you don''t take anything us posters have said seriously. i say this as tough love since you are a valued contributor to this forum.