LIW meltdown last night

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/26/2007 5:49:30 PM
Author: luckystar112
Aljdewey---

I didn''t mean for it to get this far. We''ve already moved on to pie, so I''m going to refrain from expressing all of my opinions on this subject any further...except for one:

The only people I have taken to the steps to ''defend'' on this board are--
Cehrabehra
Mustangfan
leoslove

What do they all have in common? All of them decided to stop posting after the incident.
So, it''s obviously not just me.

Like I said, I didn''t mean for it to be taken this far. Should have shut up after my first snooty comment.
But I usually only speak up if I have a strong opinion about it.

We''re both entitled to our opinions, right?

I hope we can move on from this.

Well, Cehra''s still posting and we don''t know about leoslove yet.

As for mustangfan, that thread was pretty tame, IMO.

 

[luckystar112]

Okay correction:
Cehra decided to take a break and has only come back to wish Gypsy good luck and to post her ring. Hopefully she becomes a regular poster again.
And we don''t know about leoslove, but it''s been a while.
I just hope her feelings weren''t hurt. Or maybe she thinks we''re all crazy!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/26/2007 6:28:00 PM
Author: luckystar112
Okay correction:
Cehra decided to take a break and has only come back to wish Gypsy good luck and to post her ring. Hopefully she becomes a regular poster again.
And we don''t know about leoslove, but it''s been a while.
I just hope her feelings weren''t hurt. Or maybe she thinks we''re all crazy!

Nope, she''s posting on Rocky Talky too. I only know because I look at the cushion threads. And she took a break to hang out with her kids for the summer...or something else about visual greed.

It''s great you feel compelled to defend people, but some people DO need to grow a thicker skin. And yes, sometimes people need to put a blunter tip on the arrows.

 

[luckystar112]

I totally need thicker skin!!!
I''m almost transparent. But you guys all know that.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/26/2007 6:38:49 PM
Author: luckystar112
I totally need thicker skin!!!
I''m almost transparent. But you guys all know that.

Well, the difference (IMHO) between you and some others (who shall remain nameless) is that at least you know it instead of crying foul and saying it''s everyone else''s fault and none of your own.

It goes BOTH ways.

And stick around on PS...your skin will grow thicker (if it hasn''t already). The only bummer is that you''ll probably go up a ring size.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/26/2007 5:49:30 PM
Author: luckystar112
Aljdewey---

I didn''t mean for it to get this far. We''ve already moved on to pie, so I''m going to refrain from expressing all of my opinions on this subject any further...except for one:

The only people I have taken to the steps to ''defend'' on this board are--
Cehrabehra
Mustangfan
leoslove

What do they all have in common? All of them decided to stop posting after the incident.
So, it''s obviously not just me.

Like I said, I didn''t mean for it to be taken this far. Should have shut up after my first snooty comment.
But I usually only speak up if I have a strong opinion about it.

We''re both entitled to our opinions, right?

I hope we can move on from this.

Lucky, I don''t know why you feel compelled to explain yourself to me......I''m not the party who called you to task about defending others. While I''m flattered that many others realized my comments weren''t meant maliciously and were nice enough to say so, their replies directed to you are just that.....their thoughts.

I never said a word to you about who you do or don''t defend......someone else did, so I''d suggest that going forward, it might be helpful to you to read with a bit more attention to where input comes from. However, I don''t object to your defending anyone you choose. Your prerogative.

Expanding on your ''one final thought''......I had no input on one of the other instances you mention, and very scant on the other, so I don''t know why you somehow feel those correlate to me. Beyond that, I''d again suggest you go back to reading more carefully as you seem unaware that Cehra is indeed posting again. She said at the time that she was going to take a self-imposed break and that she would return....which she did.

ETA: And I see that''s been noted to you since I originally replying.....I took a break to go to dinner.

Nor do I think it''s *any* rational conclusion can be drawn just because Leo''s been MIA for a mere three days. Is is possible that she''s gone for good? Sure it''s possible - but it''s *way* premature to think that you can lump her into "those who were picked on and left the forum."

Lastly, I have to say that it wouldn''t surprise me if she *did* elect to leave, considering it would be consistent with the same behavior of moving away from her BF in the theater when she didn''t hear what she wanted to hear. Again, that''s part of the problem-solving skill set I feel she could use development on, speaking strictly from my vantage point as a reader here on LIW.

Yes, we are both entitled to our opinions, as long as you recognize that expressing your opinion doesn''t compel me to suit my behavior more to your liking, nor you to mine. There are inherent differences in us. You admitted aren''t a ''call-it-like-I-see-it'' sort, and I absolutely am. From reading some of your posts on various disappointments, crying appears to be much more of a coping mechanism for you than it is for me. It''s differences in how we respond to things.

So let''s leave it that we''re different personalities and we express ourselves differently. You don''t like my style....that''s ok. I don''t especially care for the style of cooing over people "oh, how awful, your poor thing, no wonder you are so upset" and telling them what they want to hear when I think they''re missing something integral....and that''s ok too. Differing approaches and personalities benefit places like PS, because whatever your own preferences (hard line or soft and cooey), you can find a like minded spirit here. If there''s something you don''t care for, my best advice to you is to ignore it and refocus on that which you enjoy.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/26/2007 6:28:00 PM
Author: luckystar112
Okay correction:
Cehra decided to take a break and has only come back to wish Gypsy good luck and to post her ring. Hopefully she becomes a regular poster again.
And we don't know about leoslove, but it's been a while.
I just hope her feelings weren't hurt. Or maybe she thinks we're all crazy!

Lucky, this is a perfect example of what I meant when I suggested that you should really read more carefully.

You are far overstating here. She never said that those were the "only" reasons she was coming back. What she actually said (which I'll paraphrase) was "I'm going to take a break until my ring is done. She felt pressured to produce "any" result instead of producing what she felt was the "right" result. Some agreed with her; others didn't.

She also said she'd be back when that loop was closed, and she is. I don't see where she said she would limit her participation to those two things as you suggested, and in fact, she's participated in at least half-a-dozen other threads that have absolutely nothing to do with her ring or Gypsy. I take that as a pretty clear indicator that she may also have come back because she wanted to resume contributing to a community she largely enjoys.

I respect that you're entitled to your opinion, and sharing it is fine, too, but I'd respectfully point out (as I know others have) that PS actually has a moderator already, and it's been working quite well for quite a long time. PS is like a family - there are times it's all cumbaya and heart-and-flowers (or arrows), and then there are times when there's a heated family row. Those who are more faint of heart aren't mandated or required to swim in those waters; there are plenty of other threads that you can engage in if you don't like the tone of a given one.

As far as the lemon pie, it started with me, so I feel quite qualified to tell you exactly what the intent was behind it. As Mara's already mentioned, it was initially used as an analogy (which I'm known for doing) to try and explain a given concept about color preference. When it seemed the discussion was getting circular, I decided to illustrate it by suggesting that it was like being offered all manner of free desserts as a county fair. One was lemon pie, another was strawberry, etc. The lemon pie was the one positioned as "that's the one most expensive"....akin to a D stone, and that others might like strawberry even though it wasn't the most-often desired LEMON.

What made that thread funny was the way others took that analogy and ran with it to explain other concepts about stones and to substitute elements of pie for elements of diamonds, i.e. "the pie has yaw because the lattice runs east-west instead of north south". Because it became SO outlandish, it also served a secondary purpose of providing a much needed "mental step back, lighten up" element to the discussion. Since then, it's the thing that folks revert to as a way to release the pressure on discussions.

That's what's worked here for us....and apparently it DOES work for us, because it's become a widely accepted and used "steam release" here. If it doesn't work for you, I can respect that, but it's a bit presumptuous for you to walk into the proverbial schoolyard and tell us all that we now need to change the way we've been playing. There's enough room on the schoolyard for those who want to play jumprope on one side, and those who want to play tackle football on the other. (And this football example is the same way in which the lemon pie analogy first started, by the way. Not to make fun of YOU or FOOTBALL, but to explain a concept in another way.)

People here are adults, and I think most are pretty capable of expressing their ideas and thoughts without needing a self-appointed public defender. That's what the moderator is here for, and they've always done an exceptional job. Then again, they can appreciate the value of letting the natives figure out how to communicate with each other and find a way to co-exist in the village peacefully (another analogy).

The bottom line is that PS has been among the more successful internet forums that most folks have been to, and it works well. People stay here longer than on most forums, and they stick around a long time, so it must be doing something right in its approach overall. Some folks will find it not quite to their liking, and those few will inevitably drift off to find arenas they feel are more palatable.....as they do with most other things in life.

Now that it's getting a bit later, I think I'll mosey on down to the village, rustle up a slice of lemon pie, and see if there's anyone around who wants to help build the village fire so we can make s'mores together.

 

[luckystar112]

Are you done? Seriously.

I think you like to hear yourself talk.

Look--if I'm allowed to have an opinion, then LET ME HAVE IT. Don't go on a two page rampage about how we are both entitled to our opinions and I'm not a moderator so therefore I can't tell someone when their post was a tad on the b*tchy side. Give me a break!!!!

If the moderator has a problem with ANY of my opinions, then I am sure he will enlighten me as to when to shut up. Until then, I won't keep quiet. I personally felt that the content of your post was quite helpful, it was the sarcasm and the borderline insults that made me feel it was unecessary. So you have a thicker skin than me? So I "cry" for my coping mechanism. If you can respect that people are different then you should be able to respect that you have to talk to people in different ways and respond to people in different ways.

So I was mistaken about how often Cehra posts...and? She took a break after being attacked. Whether it was because she wanted to wait till her ring was finished, or because she was attacked, only she knows. All I know is that she was a happy poster and a FREQUENT poster before it happened. Why is everyone is such denial about that?
Mustangfan....gone.
Leoslove...gone, but could return. That doesn't negate the fact that she's been MIA since your post. Whatever you have to tell yourself to make yourself happy.

I think there's a serious problem when someone thinks that others should have to just "deal" with their rants because they are "telling it like it is" and "too bad". Do some of us have to toughen up? Sure. Believe me, I do. But I also think I'm tough. So if someone wants to get all pompous and dogmatic in a response to one of MY posts, I'll tell them where to put it.





There. I'm "calling it like I see it". Maybe if I put "sorry to be so harsh" I can get away with it.

 

[iheartscience]

Goodness. Lucky, you do go on the offensive anytime someone posts advice that you think is "mean." If non-coddling replies are enough to chase someone away from PS, who really cares? Don''t get me wrong, I really like a lot of the posters here and I enjoy reading their posts. PS is a great community and people really look out for each other, which means telling them like it really is on occasion.

The posters you keep referencing who have been "chased away" with advice that was a little too real for them are probably the type of people who only hear what they want to hear no matter how wrong they are. I don''t think anyone posted with real malice or spite in any of the threads you can''t seem to let go, including this one.

The bottom line is that people shouldn''t ask for advice from strangers if they aren''t ready to hear something they might not like.

 

[luckystar112]

Also--since you''re so quick to point out that I need to work on my reading comprehension.

You believed leoslove thought that she was immature because she is impatient about wanting to be engaged. She actually wrote this, word for word:

"He is still sleeping right now so I haven''t spoken to him this morning yet. I basically lost it last night, and I need these freak outs to stop because they are immature, ridiculous, post-posting my engagement, and ultimately putting unneeded stress on my 99% of the time perfect and healthy relationship. I''ve so turned into "that girl" who badgers her boyfriend about marriage all the time."

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:31:09 PM
Author: thing2of2
Goodness. Lucky, you do go on the offensive anytime someone posts advice that you think is ''mean.'' If non-coddling replies are enough to chase someone away from PS, who really cares? Don''t get me wrong, I really like a lot of the posters here and I enjoy reading their posts. PS is a great community and people really look out for each other, which means telling them like it really is on occasion.

The posters you keep referencing who have been ''chased away'' with advice that was a little too real for them are probably the type of people who only hear what they want to hear no matter how wrong they are. I don''t think anyone posted with real malice or spite in any of the threads you can''t seem to let go, including this one.

The bottom line is that people shouldn''t ask for advice from strangers if they aren''t ready to hear something they might not like.

I care.
I''m not the only one, but probably the most outspoken one. Never once have I been the only person to stick up for someone on a thread.
I figure if people want to call it like they see it, I will too.
If people want to give their opinion, I will too.

I disagree with you about about people not posting with malice or spite in certain threads.
Also, I gave up on this thread in the last page...but I got a little fired up earlier so I''m back.

People shouldn''t ask for advice from strangers if they can''t handle it, and people that are so quick to give their opinion shouldn''t spite others for giving theirs. If it''s an open forum, it''s open to everyone...passive and agressive people alike.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/26/2007 10:53:06 PM
Author: luckystar112
Don't go on a two page rampage about how we are both entitled to our opinions and I'm not a moderator so therefore I can't tell someone when their post was a tad on the b*tchy side. Give me a break!!!!

I personally felt that the content of your post was quite helpful, it was the sarcasm and the borderline insults that made me feel it was unecessary. So I was mistaken about how often Cehra posts...and? She took a break after being attacked. Why is everyone is such denial about that? I think there's a serious problem when someone thinks that others should have to just 'deal' with their rantsbecause they are 'telling it like it is' and 'too bad'. So if someone wants to get all pompous and dogmatic in a response to one of MY posts, I'll tell them where to put it.

The bolded words seem IMHO to be *judgements*. Thought you don't like those?

 

[luckystar112]

Well if she can dish it out she can take it.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:31:09 PM
Author: thing2of2

The posters you keep referencing who have been 'chased away' with advice that was a little too real for them are probably the type of people who only hear what they want to hear no matter how wrong they are. I don't think anyone posted with real malice or spite in any of the threads you can't seem to let go, including this one.

The bottom line is that people shouldn't ask for advice from strangers if they aren't ready to hear something they might not like.

There is huge difference between being supportive and saying:
"hugs, hey take a chill pill life is funny and it will work out try this......." and finding a ton of fault with someone and then tell them all about it.

So following my own advice....

leoslove730 *hugs* now take a chill pill and kick back and relax.
Things have a funny way of working out and take some strange roads sometimes!
Next time you get feeling like that find a constructive release for it.

For those that said hey I'v been there and posted supportive advise BRAVO!!

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:48:17 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well if she can dish it out she can take it.

chill pill for you too.
Deep breath relax!
That better?

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:48:17 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well if she can dish it out she can take it.

It''s "not okay" enough for you to complain about ... but "okay" enough for you to indulge in yourself. Ahhhh. I got it now. And I''ve judged it. I''ll keep my judgement about it to myself.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:51:32 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 9/26/2007 11:48:17 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well if she can dish it out she can take it.

It''s ''not okay'' enough for you to complain about ... but ''okay'' enough for you to indulge in yourself. Ahhhh. I got it now. And I''ve judged it. I''ll keep my judgement about it to myself.

While im handing out chill pills.
Ya need one too.
Relax!
Look at your sparky
move it around in the light
Better now?

 

[luckystar112]

deco--
"Judge not lest ye be judged".

When PROVOKED, I will always defend myself. Always.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:51:12 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 9/26/2007 11:48:17 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well if she can dish it out she can take it.

chill pill for you too.
Deep breath relax!
That better?

It is strm, thank you.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/26/2007 10:53:06 PM
Author: luckystar112
Are you done? Seriously.

Not especially.

When I''m done, I''ll stop posting. However, just as you feel compelled to reply, so too do I, and when I feel there''s nothing left to contribute, I''ll not post.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:58:06 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 9/26/2007 10:53:06 PM
Author: luckystar112
Are you done? Seriously.

Not especially.

When I''m done, I''ll stop posting. However, just as you feel compelled to reply, so too do I, and when I feel there''s nothing left to contribute, I''ll not post.

Great! Looking forward to it. I''m sure you have A LOT to say, as always!
I was going to go to bed, but maybe I''ll make some popcorn.

 

[Mara]

well PERSONALLY, i feel like blueberry pie's fabulousness FAR exceeds the mediocrity of lemon....anyone else??? i mean come on. lemon. plebian. it's just soooo overdone.

and real cream. i mean whose idea was that? it's all about the cool whip free.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:56:30 PM
Author: luckystar112
deco--''Judge not lest ye be judged''.

Problem is ... I''m *fine* with being judged!

It''s that darn thick skin!

Debate is healthy. Taking it too personally *isn''t* (IMHO of course)

And

STRM ... where do I get those pillzzzz??? Are they candy-coated?

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:01:04 AM
Author: Mara
well PERSONALLY, i feel like blueberry pie''s fabulousness FAR exceeds the mediocrity of lemon....anyone else??? i mean come on. lemon. plebian. it''s just soooo overdone.

and real cream. i mean whose idea was that? it''s all about the cool whip free.

Forget that...dessert isn''t dessert unless chocolate is involved...it''s a good thing I have thick skin or I''d be really upset about your desire for blueberry, Mara.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:34:21 PM
Author: luckystar112
Also--since you''re so quick to point out that I need to work on my reading comprehension.

You believed leoslove thought that she was immature because she is impatient about wanting to be engaged. She actually wrote this, word for word:

''He is still sleeping right now so I haven''t spoken to him this morning yet. I basically lost it last night, and I need these freak outs to stop because they are immature, ridiculous, post-posting my engagement, and ultimately putting unneeded stress on my 99% of the time perfect and healthy relationship. I''ve so turned into ''that girl'' who badgers her boyfriend about marriage all the time.''

And yet another example. I did not say you had a reading comprehension problem. Comprehension is the ability to understand what you read....and you do.

What I said was that you need to read more carefully.....as in pay attention to the details. Because you appear to project your interpretation onto statements without much basis.

And yes, I read that part of her post.....in fact, if you look back (i.e. read carefully), I referred to that very quote (''she says her relationship is otherwise healthy''). She''s said the *freakouts* are immature. That doesn''t translate to "i understand that moving away from him in the movie theater is a poor way to resolve conflict.'' She clearly acknowledges that she''s turned into ''that girl'', but that doesn''t mean she understands that she''s having the opposite of the desired effect on him and how that''s potentially influencing his decision.

Whether or not you agree with it, I frankly don''t care. I offered what I thought might give her a diff perspective......and she can take it or leave it. If you like that, great. If you don''t, I guess you''re going to have to find a way to come to terms with it.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:01:28 AM
Author: decodelighted


STRM ... where do I get those pillzzzz??? Are they candy-coated?

They taste just like chocolate! and are candy coated.
With an M on em too.
Here ya go have another and find a more calming thread :}

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:08:00 AM
Author: aljdewey



She''s said the *freakouts* are immature. That doesn''t translate to ''i understand that moving away from him in the movie theater is a poor way to resolve conflict.''

It doesn''t? What do you suppose it translates to then? Because that''s exactly how I took it.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/26/2007 11:48:17 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well if she can dish it out she can take it.

A. I didn''t ask for advice on this board. She did, and she got advice from people who were trying to help. You may not individually like it, but that''s the breaks.

B. Incidentally, yes, I can take it.

It''s really no sweat to me whether you like my style or not. You wouldn''t be the first, and you likely won''t be the last. As I mentioned before, there are others whose style I''m not especially fond of either.....but to each his own.

I''ve already observed that I think we''re pretty different, and it''s clear we aren''t going to see things the same way. Knock yourself out if you want to continue being the board mommy, but know that people will express their opinions on it, and you''re not likely going to stop that.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:14:20 AM
Author: luckystar112

Date: 9/27/2007 12:08:00 AM
Author: aljdewey



She's said the *freakouts* are immature. That doesn't translate to 'i understand that moving away from him in the movie theater is a poor way to resolve conflict.'

It doesn't? What do you suppose it translates to then? Because that's exactly how I took it.

Exactly....and that's why you're having a problem. Because you "take things" in a way they aren't said (or sometimes meant).

I'm out of analogies for the night. Really, this is WHY I find the direct route so much better......because trying to be understood is really an exhausting process.

Let's just leave it at: I said what I meant, and I meant it to be helpful. You don't like my style, and that's really unfortunate.....but it's not gonna change. Hopefully, that's direct enough.

Enjoy your popcorn.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:01:28 AM
Author: decodelighted

Problem is ... I''m *fine* with being judged!

Yep......I don''t lose a great deal of sleep over it either.

Pass the pie, will ya Deco?