LIW meltdown last night

[luckystar112]

That''s fine, Alj!
I would never want you to stop giving your opinion, or anyone else for that matter. Heck, I''m giving mine!
That''s was never what it was about....

I''ll keep being board mommy. Maybe I''ll recruit mimzy, isaku, and others that tend to agree with me. We can all work together to try an make people remember their manners.

 

[Mara]

i've been here for years and this whole 'nice' vs 'mean' thing always comes up.

there are always going to be people who have a more DIRECT writing style. who 'tell it like it is' or how they see it. don't sugar coat it. don't beat around the bush.

and there are going to be those who are nurturing, sweet...offer *hugs* all the time and feel the other people are 'too harsh' or should be nicer or whatever.

those two types of people will never quite really understand the other. does it mean one is right and one is wrong? NO. honestly, the two work quite well together in my opinion. you have people to give the hugs and offer murmuring words, and people to say hey wise up sweetie, your behavior or his behavior or that situation or whatever is unacceptable and here's what you should do.

in my time here, i have found that most of the time people post saying they are asking for advice but they don't REALLY want to hear what people think or how they are behaving badly. they just want sympathy or a *hug* or whatever. those are mostly threads i won't participate in, as i don't really understand them and people's need for them. but if someone asks for advice or puts out there just how they are acting, they should expect to get some sort of frank advice from people that they might want to hear. i find many PS'ers are quite apt at calling it like it is for the most part.

i also feel like i know enough about the regulars on this board to know that no one is malicious. i would imagine when they spend 20-30 min of their life writing out a post that they are trying to help someone. i give most of them the benefit of the doubt...and some of them know quite well, and know they would not hurt a fly, and would not *waste* their time if they didn't feel they could HELP. just because their writing style is more FRANK than others, honestly it doesn't warrant a hall monitor attack. we have a moderator of this forum for a reason. if you feel like something is really that bad, do the right thing and report the post. as for recruiting others to remind people of their manners? in my opinion, seriously bad form. everyone is an adult here. just accept that diff types of people CAN coexist on a forum like this AND have for years quite happily.

soooooooooo blueberry? any takers? kim you go on and console yourself with that sham of a chocolate pie there. just don't be comin' round for any of my cool whip free.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:34:02 AM
Author: Mara

soooooooooo blueberry? any takers? kim you go on and console yourself with that sham of a chocolate pie there. just don''t be comin'' round for any of my cool whip free.

BLUEBERRY? Have you learned NOTHING, Benedict?

and uh.....what''s with the COOL WHIP FREE? This from the real cream queen.

I''m disillusioned.

 

[Mara]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:40:34 AM
Author: aljdewey

I''m disillusioned.

Not offended?

Damn...I''m losing my touch.

 

[iheartscience]

Ditto to everything Mara wrote! (Except for the being here for years part-I''ve only been here 10 months!) Admin''s here for a reason, and I didn''t think it was to keep people from giving tough advice. But I guess that''s what the hall monitors are for!

And now I''d like a slice of banana cream pie...with REAL whipped cream, of course! Anyone care to join me for a piece?

 

[Kaleigh]

I''ll have some blueberry Mara!!

I think if someone takes the time to respond, and give advice they are doing it to be helpful. Not sure where the manners comment came from, as no one in this thread has been rude. Writing /posting styles are different. With me you may get a hug, or a kick in the butt. Depending on the situation.

 

[luckystar112]

Mara--I agree with you...about all of it. I didn''t think Alj was being malicious, but in general I think some people *are* malicious.
I was kidding about recruiting others!

I was just trying to point out that I''m not the *only* one who has called someone out before, even though I think people feel that way because I follow-up when someone questions it.
Do I think some people think they have a certain entitlement because they''ve been here longer? You betcha. But generally I think everyone has good intentions. I didn''t think the post was the nicest one in the world, but I didn''t think it warranted the attention of the moderator either. With that being said, that doesn''t mean I can''t give my opinion on it.

Now....I would like to surpass the blueberry and lemon and take a slice of "Cutey Pie".
Who I haven''t quite named yet.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:43:26 AM
Author: thing2of2

And now I'd like a slice of banana cream pie...with REAL whipped cream, of course! Anyone care to join me for a piece?

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*since Mara RUINED the other pie with the fake-y stuff! *sniff*

 

[Mara]

oh cutey pie looks WAY too cute to eat!!!!

well i GUESS i'll have some blueberry *and* a slice of banana cream. i mean a girl's gotta eat right?

all that typing worked me up an appetite!

 

[TravelingGal]

Lucky my dear...hopefully you have another layer of skin on after this.

A lot of posters feel for other posters because they understand their mindset. For instance, Gypsy and Isaku both have projects they have vacilated on in the past. NOTHING wrong with that. Absolutely squatty nothing. But my guess is when you identify closely with someone, you're going to sympathize with them more too.

For the record, folks didn't care about Cehra's length of time with her project. She wanted to know if SHE should cut her losses or not, and people responded. Go read the thread. She actually was pretty rude to one of the posters on that thread...of course, that is the way I saw it. Again, it went BOTH ways. She was not attacked and totally innocent, and to be fair, she definitely got her fair share of snarky remarks. What you sometimes seem to miss is people here rarely post just to be MEAN. While it may be snarky, most are making a POINT in response to something the OP said.

And I think it's great she's back...she's an asset to cushion hunters. She'll post what she wants in her own time, so I wouldn't worry about her.

Some people's "lines" are here. Others are waaay over there. Some people see it as bullying. Others see it as being frank. Some people see it as being passive. Others, as being nice. People are DIFFERENT. It's a fact of life. REGARDLESS of whether I disagree or agree with someone on here, it's THEIR life, their choice, etc etc etc. And I will always respect that.

That being said, I've always said that it is not how someone INTENDS something (i.e., I didn't mean to hurt your feelings), but how it is perceived. If anyone were to perceive what I said in a hurtful way, then I see apologizing as the right thing to do. What I MEANT does not negate how that person FEELS (as I always have to tell TGuy

) . But I also just keep in mind that this is a forum full of Internet people. In my mind, it's hard to imagine really getting hurt by someone I do not know. This is me. I may be different than you.

But that does not make ME any BETTER than YOU.

I think Lucky, that the reason why your defensive attitude isn't being well received is that you seem to think YOUR way, or a "nicer" way is BETTER than a more honest and direct approach. It's just different. I actually prefer my friends to slap me upside the head because I know that they love me. Obviously on the Internet, it's harder to accept blunt advice because really...does the blunt advice giver REALLY care or love that person? I don't think so. In which case if one doesn't want to hear it, she should go and seek refuge from those who really love her. WHY ask for advice on the Internet if you only want to be coddled? It doesn't make sense to me...

I do think it's great that you feel such empathy for others and are more sensitive about their feelings. I really do. But just like you think some of our delivery is sometimes lacking, yours is lacking from time to time too. And I hope you take that in the sweetest, most kindest way possible because I certainly do not INTEND to hurt your feelings.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/27/2007 12:45:32 AM
Author: luckystar112
Do I think some people think they have a certain entitlement because they''ve been here longer? You betcha. But generally I think everyone has good intentions. I didn''t think the post was the nicest one in the world, but I didn''t think it warranted the attention of the moderator either. With that being said, that doesn''t mean I can''t give my opinion on it.

Depends what you think "entitlement" means. If you think it means that long time posters think that their opinions are more important and should be heard over newbies, then I disagree.

If by "entitlement" you mean that some have been here a long time and think they may know something that newer posters don''t know about certain histories, then I agree. There are so many here that come and go in a year, that I do think the long time posters ARE a bit more special...if only for the time they''ve spent contributing to this forum.

 

[luckystar112]

Thanks TGal. You could never offend me! I swear I''m not as tightly wound as people think!!!

Seriously...I think every DAY I get thicker skin. Especially posting here. I mean, if you think about it, I''m not one of the ones that runs off when confronted, which I guess is a good thing. Even sometimes when I think that certain posters (who I like immensely) want to tear my head off *cough*deco*cough*, I can''t help but respect that person anyway. I''m feeling like this compassionate side of me is turning people off on the board--and I think I need to find a balance. I''M A HALL MONITOR!!!

You made a really good point when you said:

"Obviously on the Internet, it''s harder to accept blunt advice because really...does the blunt advice giver REALLY care or love that person? I don''t think so. In which case if one doesn''t want to hear it, she should go and seek refuge from those who really love her. WHY ask for advice on the Internet if you only want to be coddled? It doesn''t make sense to me..."

I haven''t been thinking of it that way. I guess I''ve been assuming that people come here to get AWAY from the harsh criticism by trying to get feedback from others that are in their same situation. I think that''s why I''m so quick to defend other people.
Anyway, lesson learned---NOT MY JOB!! I still want to put "board mommy" as my sig though!

 

[TravelingGal]

Alright Board Mommy...well said. Now hand over some pie...

And Mara...cool whip free? What have those WWT''s done to you? Come over to the fatty boomba preggo thread (no offense to the svelte preggos over there) and come eat ice cream and cake!

Damn you women and your pie. Who the $*%! wears maternity clothes at 13 weeks? Oh yeah...fatty boomba ole me.

*sullenly eating pie*

 

[TravelingGal]

Oh, and for the record Lucky...when I was lurking in 2003, I thought Mara was mean...

*ducking*

(she''s actually very very sweet, but shhhhhhhhh...don''t tell her I know that.)

 

[Mara]

HEY preggo-woman, at least you have an excuse to eat the pie. Blame it on the kid and hormones why dont'cha. Me? No excuse. Not even PMS. Yet today I consumed ummm...a fair amount of reese's miniatures...and ummmm....a candy corn package, trail mix (with chocolate) and ummm a brownie. What's my excuse? Oh. Sugar deprivation. That's right. Think my nutritionist will go for it?

*contemplating getting preggo if for no other reason than to justify eating massive amounts of pie and blame burgeoning figure on growing tadpole*

mmmm....tempting.

 

[Mara]

Date: 9/27/2007 1:48:36 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Oh, and for the record Lucky...when I was lurking in 2003, I thought Mara was mean...

*ducking*

(she's actually very very sweet, but shhhhhhhhh...don't tell her I know that.)

quiet or you'll ruin my horn-wearing rep.

 

[Po10472]

Ok. I have read some posts, not all of them so apologies if this has already been said. There are a couple of things that spring to mind here for me and one of them is that he''s already planning to propose to you and winding you up about it so as to keep you hanging on but your ''hissy-fits'' are getting to him so he''s not willing to budge and bring it forward, he''ll do it on his own terms.

Second point, if you want to get married so badly and be engaged - propose!!! You arrange to formally propose to him...........buy him a ring, take him out for dinner. If he truely wants to be with you and you love him so much that you want to be with him, you make all the moves............get your engagement ring later when you can afford it. There, you''re engaged to be married to the man you love. An engagement is not just about the diamond on the girls finger, believe me I know. I proposed to my husband.

Take the bull by the horns, either do nothing, stop fretting and wait to see if he proposes or propose to him and if you do neither of these things, you''re going to alienate him and you''ll end up wtih no boyfriend and no engagement.

I know it is frustrating, but you don''t always have to wait to be asked, you''re a big girl, do it yourself.

over and out!!

 

[mimzy]

eek.

i know the debate is over and i'm not here to spark any more, i just wanted to point out that not all sympathetic *hugs* "omg i feel so sorry for you* reply posts are worthless. GENERALLY they do accompany advice that could be helpful to the poster. just because it is delivered in a tamer manner doesn't mean that the reply-er is supporting the OP's actions.

I think that the biggest problem people like lucky and myself have with the harsher posts is that the advice that usually accompanies them is along the lines of "chill out" or "grow up". for some people this is what they need...others (most) already know that they need to chill out and grow up, and that is what they are asking for help in doing....but that has been covered. i know that when i received the same advice, my second thought was "if only it were that easy" (my first one was...."i'm not stupid you know" haha)

i guess what i'm trying to say is that it doesn't have to been one way or the other. there's no reason why a post can't be both honest and nice. i know that posting on the internet is asking for some inyourface responses, and i guess it is people's prerogative to give them.

and whoever said (tgal?) that we defend people we relate to, you're right. lucky and myself and others have probably felt the same as leoslove. we've been in that position where we have felt crazy and out of control....which is probably why we approach the topic with more sensitivity than others, because we know that when we were in a position to write that post, we truly did know how bad we were and we did just want to change (sorry if i am overgeneralizing lucky!). of course i can't be sure, but i'm guessing the likes of deco and the others probably never got to that point when they were a LIW themselves. i'm not saying that both camps advice isn't equally valuable. we have a more cat's eye view - we know just how rough it is down here,we've felt what she's felt, and respond accordingly. they have a more birds eye view - they really emphasize the whole picture, somewhat disregarding the details. again, not better or worse.

i'm really not looking to start the debate again i promise! i just have been swamped with homework so i never got to reply earlier

. speaking of....no more PS for me, i have a neuroscience exam i need to be studying for!

 

[KimberlyH]

Mara, like a good WWTer, I went and found myself some slow churned instead of indulging in pie last night...I've always preferred ice cream anyways.

Mimzy, the problem with your statement that people can be both "honest and nice" is that there isn't a shared definition of nice. I think al was nice for telling it like it is instead of coddling leo (I'd prefer to have 10 teeth extracted with no novacaine than to have someone say "poor you" to me), others clearly disagree. So instead of people policing each other, how 'bout just accepting that people are different and allowing the moderator to do his job.