Married PSers! Thoughts on H/Moon registries...

[surfgirl]

There has been a series of posts the last few months on the Brides threads about whether or not it is "proper" to have a Honeymoon Registry. I tend to think that my friends and younger relatives would find it fun and have no problem with it, but I think older folks might think it''s tacky. So while I''m not planning on doing this (though it is very tempting given that we dont need any housewares), I was really wondering how many people here had, and if you wound up with a fully funded honeymoon or whether you ended up having to pay for most of it yourself because people didn''t take to the idea. I ask because alot of the talk on the Brides threads is about the tacky vs. not tacky aspects but I always wonder if it''s something people do and it works, or if they just dont get much from such a registry. I''d love to hear from those of you who either have firsthand experiences or know someone who did this. Thanks!

 

[jcrow]

i had one. wouldn''t do it again if given the choice. we weren''t looking for the honeymoon to neccesarily be fully "funded" by our guests, but rather we were just looking for another registry option. anyway... we got one gift. a message for two. great gift, but the site we used didn''t let us know who got if for us. if the person wouldn''t have told us, we wouldn''t have known who to thank!

good in theory, but wasn''t really useful for us.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I personally think they''re tacky. Hubby and I saved for quite a bit prior to our wedding to be able to afford our honeymoon. If given the choice between the registry or an actual gift I''d go for the gift.

 

[ephemery1]

DH's parents paid for our honeymoon, so because we were only covering airfare and extras, we didn't really think about registering for it. But I personally have no problem with honeymoon registries... I like buying more "personal" gifts than toasters and flatware, so as a guest, I like the idea of being able to buy somebody a massage or sunset cruise or whatever. But that may be because I just got married, so I understand that every couple's needs/wants are unique... and I'd rather buy somebody something they genuinely want, rather than something that is more "proper" in terms of etiquette.

 

[sumbride]

One of my co-workers just did this. She''s in her late-30s, marrying an older man, and they didn''t "need" anything, so they had a registry through Marriott because they were staying at a Marriott resort. It included things such as "Breakfast Buffett" and "Couples Massage" and "Bottle of wine at dinner" so there were different price points and activities you could picture the couple doing. It wasn''t for the essentials like a night''s stay, just for the "extras". I like this because either way, they still go on the honeymoon, but hey, now they get breakfast...

And since my co-worker LOVES breakfast (I watch her make it everyday) that''s what I bought them. She was thrilled! And with the Marriott registry, she got an email immediately telling her she had a gift and who it was from. I don''t know if that many "older people" would be wiling to buy from such a registry, but I thought it was cool. All depends on your crowd I suppose. We don''t have one because it would never fly in our group.

The ones to be careful of are the registries that charge huge fees! Read the fine print!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Surfgirl - this is OT, but what are the specs on your ring?

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi surfgirl,

I looked into the idea because I don''t think we need much stuff other than upgrading a few things. The only reason why I don''t think we''ll do it is because it seems expensive. The registry companies charge a lot for their services I think. I personally think it''s a great idea and if it wasn''t so pricey I''d definitely do it.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 6/20/2007 3:58:05 PM
Author: sumbride
One of my co-workers just did this. She''s in her late-30s, marrying an older man, and they didn''t ''need'' anything, so they had a registry through Marriott because they were staying at a Marriott resort. It included things such as ''Breakfast Buffett'' and ''Couples Massage'' and ''Bottle of wine at dinner'' so there were different price points and activities you could picture the couple doing. It wasn''t for the essentials like a night''s stay, just for the ''extras''. I like this because either way, they still go on the honeymoon, but hey, now they get breakfast...

And since my co-worker LOVES breakfast (I watch her make it everyday) that''s what I bought them. She was thrilled! And with the Marriott registry, she got an email immediately telling her she had a gift and who it was from. I don''t know if that many ''older people'' would be wiling to buy from such a registry, but I thought it was cool. All depends on your crowd I suppose. We don''t have one because it would never fly in our group.

The ones to be careful of are the registries that charge huge fees! Read the fine print!

That''s a really great idea! I didn''t realize you could do a registry through a hotel chain. Do you know if other hotels offer this or is it exclusive to Marriott?

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 6/20/2007 5:17:34 PM
Author: MC
Surfgirl - this is OT, but what are the specs on your ring?

MC, more information than you ever wanted to know about my ering can be found here:

http://www.pricescope.com/forum/op-requested/at-last-my-antique-ering-t61580.html

I hope it doesn''t bore you too much!

 

[Harriet]

We''re doing a honeymoon registry.

 

[KimberlyH]

Tacky, nah, but it''s not for me. Then again, we skipped registering all together. Now including registry information in the invite...that''s a whole different can of worms!

 

[monarch64]

I think a honeymoon registry is fine...we would definitely contribute to something like that as a wedding or shower gift for a couple. I''m wondering if it wouldn''t work better if a couple who had a honeymoon registry also had a honeymoon themed shower, that way people would "get it?"

 

[asscherisme]

Sorry, but I think its tacky.

 

[door knob solitaire]

WARNING: If you are going to read this...this is the post and opinion of one individual-(deranged many may claim). It is in no way an attempt to brainwash, insult, or offend anyone...Just an OPINION. A view...what makes us all unique and different. Go forth my child when and only if you have read and understood this warning!! Last chance to back away from the moniter....Ok, I tried.

I am the wrong one to ask...but I HATE adults exchanging Christmas gift lists. Kids need lists...We adults not so much.

I think the wedding gift idea was created to help the new couple with setting up house. Dust pans, and laundry hampers, and things to make life run smoothly were needed. As society has been more liberal...they are often one household BEFORE the marriage so the dust pan and hampers have already been purchased.

Once it was realized you have this stuff...what should we get you came about...universal Registry was created. It really had been limited to china/crystal/silver patterns. So you wouldn''t end up with 22 gravy boats because the were only $19.99. Then everyone got on the band wagon...register with us. We are so accustomed to a registry for a wedding we seldom stop to critique it. "Where are they registered?" Life is too busy it seems to go out and get a bowl or a frame or a token...we now have to follow the yellow brick road to the GIFT NIRVANA.

Like I said...you shouldn''t have asked...or more importantly I suppose I shouldn''t have replied. But what happened to just receiving a gift and being greatful for what ever it is...what ever color it is...what ever style it is...? If is was only $5.00 it was the gift bestowed. Receive with a greatful heart? Nooo I don''t think so.

I just got a wedding invite...6 insertions fell out onto the floor. They were leaflets on registries...GET ME GET ME GET ME anotherwords. I missed the part about the joy of the sharing the gathering of friends and relatives at this very intimate display of lives joining...you know the wedding part? I can''t even tell you the date of this wedding...but I can tell you they prefer a HM donation...three of the leaflets were about the destination and a menu including all kinds of massages. Heck, what about me getting a massage?...I had to bend down 6 times to get the silly leaflets!! I love these kids...but I don''t have an interest in picturing there bodies being oiled and rubbed by some stranger named Helga or Sven...sorry. Not a tasteful insert in my opinion.

Dear kids...do I have to now pay to attend you wedding? Are the canapes and mints on credit and you can''t afford them unless I do my part and kick in??? Eekkkk.

I realize you asked a simple question...but a simple answer may not express enough. So I will allow the reader of my post to figure out my response. I should tell you I am no spring chick but I am at least 30 years from collecting social security...so age or peer group has nothing to do with it. I have just hit my head too many times and I don''t think as clearly...as other people do. But I seem to have a knack for writing more than others do....

DKS-windbag

Oh dear...is it pie time yet? I have just posted...pie is usually served after MY posts. I will put on the pot of coffee as "IT" may be a brewing soon.

 

[Love in Bloom]

Cannot....stop..... L A U G H I N G

!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I don''t think it is tacky but I think they are unpopular. Besides here and the knot I had never heard of them before. Also I know I would never contribute to them. We just like to give cash. It''s easier for everyone.

 

[Kaleigh]

Hmmm, I have never heard of this until now. Not sure how I feel, it's foreign to me I guess. We get invited to many weddings, some of the couples are younger, some are more established and no leaflets have fallen out of the invites. Do I want to pay for a massage, our breakfast in bed?? Heck no. I'd rather give a cash gift. This idea is a bit OTT for me, but again, I am trying to wrap my head around this concept. I guess whatever floats your boat...

 

[surfgirl]

Interesting comments...even from Madame Windbag, err, I mean DKS!

I personally think it's a bit odd. And for some of the same reasons that DKS so "eloquently" presented.

I dont want to think of the couple lollygagging about in some post-coital stupor, ordering breakfast in bed...that's just TMI for me! But more than anything, I just wondered if people actually got their honeymoons funded by these things. I'm guessing that you'd get the random massage, breakfast, snorkel tour, etc. funded but you'd end up paying your hotel/airfare anyway. I dont think I'd want people to know that much about what I'm doing on my honeymoon anyway. They can, uh, use their imagination...

 

[divergrrl]

I didn''t do one, but my best friend did, so I bought her a dolphin swim for 2! I figured she''d enjoy the experience as much as a place setting.

FWIW..she is quite the classy lady, so I can''t see her doing something utterly tacky--and it was fun to pick something I knew they''d enjoy on their honeymoon.

 

[divergrrl]

I just got a wedding invite...6 insertions fell out onto the floor. They were leaflets on registries...GET ME GET ME GET ME anotherwords. I missed the part about the joy of the sharing the gathering of friends and relatives at this very intimate display of lives joining...you know the wedding part? I can''t even tell you the date of this wedding...but I can tell you they prefer a HM donation...three of the leaflets were about the destination and a menu including all kinds of massages. Heck, what about me getting a massage?...I had to bend down 6 times to get the silly leaflets!! I love these kids...but I don''t have an interest in picturing there bodies being oiled and rubbed by some stranger named Helga or Sven...sorry. Not a tasteful insert in my opinion.

ahahahahaha.....DKS....you...are....killing....me.

Ok...kinda have to agree with you on this one. I think we are close in age too...so we aren''t quite old throwbacks yet.... lol ..

But I was under the impression that registry information was NOT to be included with wedding invitations. Granted, that comes from wedding etiquette sources, and I know many folks are tired of old fashioned etiquette, but I could not bring myself to put that info in my invites.

I found people generally emailed me or asked my friends where I was registered if they were interested, or they just gave us a gift they felt we''d like (which was great -- how fun!), and a few didn''t do more than a card, which is fine too...we got married around xmas, hard time of year money wise for many folks, all I cared about is that they chose to be at our wedding & celebrate with us, drink some wine & dance till 1:30 in the morning....THAT''S what I remember....the faces on the dance floor...smiling & laughing--till wayyyyyyyyyy late.

DH still says to this day "our wedding was the most fun wedding I''ve ever been to".

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/20/2007 10:54:38 PM
Author: door knob solitaire
WARNING: If you are going to read this...this is the post and opinion of one individual-(deranged many may claim). It is in no way an attempt to brainwash, insult, or offend anyone...Just an OPINION. A view...what makes us all unique and different. Go forth my child when and only if you have read and understood this warning!! Last chance to back away from the moniter....Ok, I tried.

I am the wrong one to ask...but I HATE adults exchanging Christmas gift lists. Kids need lists...We adults not so much.

LOL you crack me up!!! I''m awful - I NEVER ever look at registries. I cannot stand the thought of being a checkmark off a list. I rebel against them. I guess I don''t mind so much that people do them (It can be quite *fun* to fill out a dream list) but if anyone expects me to use that they''re gonna be sorry. I think of them as "suggestions" and I prefer to fly by the seat of my pants.

The last wedding I went to I got this: http://www.lenox.com/cat/index.cfm?fuseaction=prod&cat=&pid=6303&kf=117 but darnit it wasn''t on sale then!!! LOL I have no idea what was on the registry, but he''s in the wine biz as is her brother and stepfather and they all glug through wine WAY too quickly to ever need a decanter so I thought, if they don''t need it then its something they can have fun with. God knows they drink a ton of wine LOL She told me she''d never thought of that and it was an amazingly appropriate gift. Ha! Who needs registries!! LOL

Okay that sounded like a dare to someone to come up with white elephant gifts but I think I received the winner of those at my wedding LOL

 

[ephemery1]

I''m really surprised by how many people are so anti-registry.... I know it''s fun to pick out gifts on your own, but wouldn''t you rather get people gifts you know they''ll want? Rather than something that YOU like, but may not be their taste? Or something they already have 6 of? It must be because I just got married myself... I liked when people went off the registry if they knew us REALLY well and got something sentimental (like my mom''s friend gave us aprons embroidered with our names and a cookbook on Cajun cooking... all very fun and appropriate coming from her).

But we also received:
2 Lladro figurines (well over $300 each) -- they''re lovely, but will sit in their boxes in my parents'' house... they REALLY aren''t our style and I have no idea where we''d put them
beautiful silver tray -- but I''d already registered for 2 other silver trays, and received both... so this one, still at my parents'' house
pair of Waterford candlesticks -- very nice, but etched glass is NOT DH''s thing, and we''d already received our silver Nambe candlesticks

And Cehra, (I love you and your posts so do not take personal offense!) we are big wine drinkers, but if somebody had gotten us a carafe, I would have sent a really nice thank you note saying how thoughtful they were to get something wine-related (which is true).... then left it at my parents'' house. We already received a gorgeous one and cool matching goblets... and there''s no way we could fit another in this tiny apartment!

With all those things, we completely appreciated the present and the thought behind it... but will never use it. So as a gift-giver, I''d just rather get somebody something they genuinely want/need.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/21/2007 8:48:36 AM
Author: ephemery1
I''m really surprised by how many people are so anti-registry.... I know it''s fun to pick out gifts on your own, but wouldn''t you rather get people gifts you know they''ll want? Rather than something that YOU like, but may not be their taste? Or something they already have 6 of? It must be because I just got married myself... I liked when people went off the registry if they knew us REALLY well and got something sentimental (like my mom''s friend gave us aprons embroidered with our names and a cookbook on Cajun cooking... all very fun and appropriate coming from her).

But we also received:
2 Lladro figurines (well over $300 each) -- they''re lovely, but will sit in their boxes in my parents'' house... they REALLY aren''t our style and I have no idea where we''d put them
beautiful silver tray -- but I''d already registered for 2 other silver trays, and received both... so this one, still at my parents'' house
pair of Waterford candlesticks -- very nice, but etched glass is NOT DH''s thing, and we''d already received our silver Nambe candlesticks

And Cehra, (I love you and your posts so do not take personal offense!) we are big wine drinkers, but if somebody had gotten us a carafe, I would have sent a really nice thank you note saying how thoughtful they were to get something wine-related (which is true).... then left it at my parents'' house. We already received a gorgeous one and cool matching goblets... and there''s no way we could fit another in this tiny apartment!

With all those things, we completely appreciated the present and the thought behind it... but will never use it. So as a gift-giver, I''d just rather get somebody something they genuinely want/need.

You would remember that I got you a beautiful second carafe that you never used FAR more than you''d remember that I got you place setting #5. And who knows, 10 years from now that carafe could come out of storage and be like receiving a gift all over again. Or not. What is forgotten is the JOY of giftgiving and part of that is in the choosing... the careful selection of something from the heart that you wish to bestow upon someone else, as a gift. Sometimes it fails, this is true... but there is charm even in that. I''ve gotten 16 good years of use out of telling people about the gold plastic last supper with the mirrored background we got. Yes, the frame and the characters were cast in one glorious plastic cast connecting them for eternity. And we aren''t even christian LOL But THE most memorable gift was a pepper grinder. I registered for various things, but this $15 gift was THE gift I still remember. I didn''t know I wanted one until someone gave it to me. It lasted about 10 years... so no, I don''t think I am limited to the registry. There are plenty of others who will limit themselves to that. Sometimes there is great joy and even humor in the things that we DON''T ask for http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decanter

 

[sumbride]

I''m definitely in the "no leaflets in the invite" camp. My registry is mentioned only on my website, on a page clearly labeled "Gift Registry" so if they want to know, they can find it, but if they don''t, they don''t need to bother.

I understand the not wanting to be a checkmark thing, but how many silver-plated picture frames does it take to host a dinner party? We''ve only gotten a few presents thus far, and our favorites have been the ones from the registry. The Mikasa vase, though lovely, is not only not our style, it''s huge and not something that fits into our lifestyle. Yes, it''s the thought that counts, but how much more thought does it take to say "I wonder what kind of lifestyle the couple has? What is their color scheme? Their design motif? And does this ceramic rooster go?"

I''d much rather be thrilled with the gifts we get because they are on our registry than handing them off to M to put on ebay because we can''t cram another silver tray in the storage space under the stairs in our tiny rowhouse that is such a foreign concept to the majority of our guest list. A house only 14 feet wide? No Texan would ever understand! (says the Texan that lives in one)

The thing is... registries will always be a minefield, but there is no virtue in ignoring them completely.

 

[rainbowtrout]

If there were a way to do the HR registry so that it wasn't like getting cash, but you didn't have to reserve in advance, I would do it. i.e., people give what they want and the money in at the end goes to the HM.
I'm also from a sufficently ethnic Italian family that we do the money-bag thing at weddings, so I guess my "tacky" standards are different.
We can't really afford a honeymoon but we can get by with our housewares. So if people want to give me something towards a honeymoon it would be appreciated, but obviously I'm not going to have a tizzy if they don't.
No one twists your arm to buy off the registry, you can always get something on your own. I have to say the screeching of tacky!! about issues like this always seems a little out of proportion and uptight. Isn't good manners about people going out of their way to make each other comfortable, not about adhering to a particular set of "rules" or looking down on people? Clearly social rules help establish behavior people are comfortable with, but they're just that--guidelines.
Six leaflets, yeah, little alkward. But letting people know what is useful is nice for them and nice for you. Heck, guests don't have to get you ANYTHING for your wedding. No one is bugging them to do so,but if they want to the list is there to help them.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 6/21/2007 9:39:06 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 6/21/2007 8:48:36 AM
Author: ephemery1
I''m really surprised by how many people are so anti-registry.... I know it''s fun to pick out gifts on your own, but wouldn''t you rather get people gifts you know they''ll want? Rather than something that YOU like, but may not be their taste? Or something they already have 6 of? It must be because I just got married myself... I liked when people went off the registry if they knew us REALLY well and got something sentimental (like my mom''s friend gave us aprons embroidered with our names and a cookbook on Cajun cooking... all very fun and appropriate coming from her).

But we also received:
2 Lladro figurines (well over $300 each) -- they''re lovely, but will sit in their boxes in my parents'' house... they REALLY aren''t our style and I have no idea where we''d put them
beautiful silver tray -- but I''d already registered for 2 other silver trays, and received both... so this one, still at my parents'' house
pair of Waterford candlesticks -- very nice, but etched glass is NOT DH''s thing, and we''d already received our silver Nambe candlesticks

And Cehra, (I love you and your posts so do not take personal offense!) we are big wine drinkers, but if somebody had gotten us a carafe, I would have sent a really nice thank you note saying how thoughtful they were to get something wine-related (which is true).... then left it at my parents'' house. We already received a gorgeous one and cool matching goblets... and there''s no way we could fit another in this tiny apartment!

With all those things, we completely appreciated the present and the thought behind it... but will never use it. So as a gift-giver, I''d just rather get somebody something they genuinely want/need.

You would remember that I got you a beautiful second carafe that you never used FAR more than you''d remember that I got you place setting #5. And who knows, 10 years from now that carafe could come out of storage and be like receiving a gift all over again. Or not. What is forgotten is the JOY of giftgiving and part of that is in the choosing... the careful selection of something from the heart that you wish to bestow upon someone else, as a gift. Sometimes it fails, this is true... but there is charm even in that. I''ve gotten 16 good years of use out of telling people about the gold plastic last supper with the mirrored background we got. Yes, the frame and the characters were cast in one glorious plastic cast connecting them for eternity. And we aren''t even christian LOL But THE most memorable gift was a pepper grinder. I registered for various things, but this $15 gift was THE gift I still remember. I didn''t know I wanted one until someone gave it to me. It lasted about 10 years... so no, I don''t think I am limited to the registry. There are plenty of others who will limit themselves to that. Sometimes there is great joy and even humor in the things that we DON''T ask for http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decanter

You got us a beautiful second carafe?!? Why thank you, Cehra... you know me too well....

No, I agree that as a gift-giver, there is definitely joy in finding something that you know the receivers will enjoy... I love doing that for birthdays and holiday gifts. However when it comes to an expensive wedding gift, my goal is not necessarily to give something memorable, but to give something that is needed and appreciated... I don''t care if they remember that I gave it to them, I just want them to enjoy using the item that I know they wanted.

Don''t get me wrong, I think it''s really sweet to get something small but meaningful to go along with the main gift (or to give ONLY something small and meaningful, or just a meaningful card, for that matter!).... but I cringed every time I opened something that was obviously expensive and took much time and thought to choose, but will unfortunately just sit in storage for the next 20 years.

I appreciate the sentiment, it just makes me feel bad that it won''t get the use it deserves. And I don''t want to make other people feel bad! So usually, I stick with the registry.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/20/2007 10:54:38 PM
Author: door knob solitaire


I just got a wedding invite...6 insertions fell out onto the floor. They were leaflets on registries...GET ME GET ME GET ME anotherwords. I missed the part about the joy of the sharing the gathering of friends and relatives at this very intimate display of lives joining...you know the wedding part? I can''t even tell you the date of this wedding...but I can tell you they prefer a HM donation...three of the leaflets were about the destination and a menu including all kinds of massages. Heck, what about me getting a massage?...I had to bend down 6 times to get the silly leaflets!! I love these kids...but I don''t have an interest in picturing there bodies being oiled and rubbed by some stranger named Helga or Sven...sorry. Not a tasteful insert in my opinion.

I don''t care about registries either way (we registered at the last minute because people were asking, but lo and behold, true to Korean custom we got mostly cash anyway). However after this post, I never want to see a request from the couple asking for massages. Bad mental image.

 

[decodelighted]

We didn''t register anywhere ... but did a bunch of research on Honeymoon registries and found them all wanting. Seemed mostly like it was giving someone 10% of your gifts for the service of helping you ask for gifts. Blech.

We DID however use the gift-money we received *toward* our honeymoon ... which we booked several months after the wedding.

People seem to be used to the crystal & china registries -- but viewed on the SURFACE, that seems just as "tacky" or not as a honeymoon registry. Especially when you see the one-ups-manship & registering for super expensive items.

On the flip side -- if we had been given a bunch of random stuff that isn''t our style ... I''d give it right on away again. I don''t want to clutter up my house with ugly "mementos" and things that don''t enrich ourlives. It''s a lifestyle choice -- granted a sentimentality-free one. Objects aren''t "love" ... they''re not "memories" ... for the most part at least. I think you can really tell when a gift was picked out with a lot of care & thoughtfulness. And when stuff was on sale ... or tangentially, lamely related to something they heard about you once. Seriously, how much are you gonna treasure that OBJECT. The thought, certainly. Acknowledge the thought, absolutely. Put it on the mantel ... no way in HELL.

Maybe "my" generation is more into "personal style" or someting? Or maybe we''re just thoughtless little pigs -- as Alec Baldwin would surely say.

 

[Picos]

I find them tacky but not as tacky as including your registration information in the inviation. Nothing says come to my wedding/party more than buy me a gift!

Of course, if I recieved word that someone was doing a honeymoon registry I wouldn''t think that they''re a social pariah. More like a friend wearing Ugg boots: to each thier own and not for me!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Deco:

Cupcake?? Oh my

Wish I could see a bigger version of that pic!