MIL wants to help...appropriate project?

[jdinsf]

Hi all,

Wedding date in 8-9-8. Wedding will be fairly small (90) and will be in a city that neither my family, his family nor he and I live. Since my parents are generously paying for the wedding, I''ve been doing most of the vendor work with them (contacts, package decisions and such). Now that we''ve gotton all of our vendors, it''s time to fill in the details. Future MIL really want to be included in the planning, and wants to help. She and I have a great relationship. Problem is, she and I have VERY different tastes. What''s a solid project that I can give her, where "taste" in things like color, sophistication won''t be an issue?

So far, all I can come up with is rehearsal dinner planning- but she''s almost finished!

Help!

Thanks,

J

 

[neatfreak]

Lol. I had this same problem and my advice is not to give her anything you care about. Now if you're a micromanaging wedding fantatic this might not work, but since it sounds like you aren't, then how about something like favors? That worked to get my MIL off my back and she was so happy to have a project. But the key about this was it was something I really didn't care about, so that is why I was comfortable giving her the project.

How about planning the rehearsal dinner (oops, see that is already done), the guestbook, or like I did, the favors?

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi J! Welcome to PS!

What about asking for your FMIL''s help putting together welcome bags/baskets or favors (if you''re doing them)? Maybe she could gather together maps, brochures of the area''s attractions, restaurants, etc. and put them together for you. I know you said that none of you live in the area of the venue but if she called the local Chamber(s) of Commerce, she''d be able to have them send this type of info. to her. Also, this might be kind of a mundane task, but you could have her put together toiletry items in baskets for the bathrooms of the venue.

One more thought, are you doing save the dates? Maybe you could ask your FMIL to help print out the envelopes (if you''re not having them pre-printed with the necessary addresses). Maybe after that, she could help stuff the envelopes and get them ready to be sent out.

Those are all the thoughts I have now.

Oh, one more...if you''re doing programs for the ceremony, you could ask her to either take care of designing them and/or putting them together.

 

[bee*]

I think that giving her the favors to do are a good idea. Or get her to help with invites-you can pick them and then she could put them together.

 

[cara]

Yeah, pick something that you don't care about much and let her have at it. Or, has she expressed interest in anything? Perhaps even something optional?

But be warned that you might have to exercise a bit of oversight and, depending on the person involved, it might make more work for you in the end.

I tried to put my mother in charge of flowers and it became clear this was a really bad idea that would stress us both out and thankfully I managed to take back over responsibility.

My MIL wanted an ice sculpture. While initially we thought this was a waste of money and wished we could just have a catering donation instead, we gave her "complete artistic control" over said ice sculpture, and assumed that it was a small thing that would make her happy and that she would pay for and coordinate it all.

Lets just say husband and I were very happy that she consulted us before ordering the jumping dolphins or heart-shaped kissing seahorses. We backed out of our grant of "complete artistic control" and managed to jointly agree with her on some much less cheesy options. And I did end up having to do an unexpected amount of coordinating between her, the ice people, the venue, and the caterers, but the final product was great and really added a special touch to the wedding.

Its hard sometimes for a separate person to pick up one task and integrate it seamlessly into an event primarily organized by someone else. Also one gets more efficient at organizing wedding tasks when there are lots of them then when there is only one to do.

I'm thinking of my friend who put her mother in charge of procuring an aisle runner for her wedding. Simple task, right? Except mother put it off until too late, didn't realize that the church required a fabric runner and forbid plastic runners, and that fabric runners of appropriate length and color were not readily available. And on and on. The end result was a rush order on a fabric runner from a company based 100s of miles from the wedding. It wasn't completed until the day before the wedding, so standard shipping was impossible, and a wedding guest had to pick it up and drive it to the right state. My friend was convinced it wasn't going to happen, and after walking her mother through all this drama, she regretted ever coming up with the task, let alone delegating it.

 

[jdinsf]

Favors and gift baskets are excellent ideas!!! Thank you for so many thought out responses!

Jenni

 

[jdinsf]

I''ve already done my STDs, and we had everything printed by the vendor. I think I''ll go with favors. That will be the perfect project