Money dance.....

[PearlDahhhling]

So my sweet FI really really REEEALLY wants a money dance at our wedding... All I can think is Tacky Tacky Taaaacky! This money dance would be the kind where people pay money to dance with either FI or myself... So he wanted me to get on here and ask you Brides what you think...

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Sorry FI, Nay!

 

[ilovesparkles]

I would say that sounds kinda tacky. Sorry.

 

[Elmorton]

You will make mad loot at your wedding by way of gifts, so I wouldn't do the money dance in order to get money.

If you REALLY want to dance with everyone of the opposite sex who is at your wedding and have to make small talk in close proximity, then yes, by all means, do it. For me, this would be very awkward, but you may have a different relationship with your guests or a different personality. Since it's a very common thing at weddings where I'm from, I don't think it's as wildly tacky as previous threads would suggest; it's just that personally, I wouldn't want to be the person standing there having to dance with everyone.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

It''s unheard of here. And just because it is common practice in some areas doesn''t mean it isn''t tacky! Stick to your guns on this one!

 

[loriken214]

Dollar dances are VERY common in certain cultures here in the South. I''ve been to many weddings, some family member weddings, too, who have had the dollar dance. Most of these have been more "liberal" weddings where there is a band and alcohol.

Unfortunately, my Southern Baptist immediate family had a "fit" when I mentioned anything remotely related to anything like that. No band, no alcohol.....UGG!

When my first cousin, who is like a brother to me, converted from Baptist to Catholic and was married in a Catholic Church....they had EVERYTHING at their wedding. My uber conservative Grandmother even went out and danced!!!

Some guests rolled their eyes and just sat there during the dollar dance, but many of the guests enjoyed the heck out of it!

Lori

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/31/2009 12:06:21 AM
Author: ilovesparkles
I would say that sounds kinda tacky. Sorry.

ditto

 

[allycat0303]

Well I`ve never heard of a money dance in my region. I think it''s a cultural thing. Jcrow (did one)...and since I think of Jcrow as being very ontop of the ball in terms of etiquette etc., and I can`t think she would EVER do anything tacky, I think it would be fine. She had a beautiful purse for the money, and there were no shots or anything involved. I posted a link where she talks about it. I know that in one of her wedding threads she has pictures of the beautiful purse.

link: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/what-is-a-dollar-dance.61175/

 

[brightlight]

I have to say Nay. I don''t know that I would go as far as saying that I think it''s tacky, but it does leave me with a bad feeling. Guests will already be giving you gifts, and some will have paid for travel and lodging. Just the fact that many people here do think it''s tacky would lead me to believe that some of your guests would also think it''s in poor taste. However, others will think it''s a fun thing to do.

I''ve been to one wedding where they had a "dollar" dance. The best man and maid of honor collected the money, so the bride and groom didn''t have to take cash from the gifts. I don''t know how many guests you''re having at your wedding, but it could take up a good chunk of time. As a guest, I can tell you that it got a bit boring for me.

 

[neatfreak]

I have to say no way...sorry!

 

[laine]

I voted no, because personally, I don't love them. I think its a little tacky and it gets rather boring as a guest. BUT, I get that it is sort of cultural thing and is common in a lot of places. I've been to numerous weddings that had one--all the guests were expecting it and it was fine. I don't judge the couple or hold it against them in any way. That said, I will definitely not be doing it at my future wedding.

ETA: Why does FI want the money dance? If its for the money, then no, don't do it. If its because its always done in his area or in his family, and his mother/grandmother/whoever really wants it done, then I vote maybe (as long as your getting married in his area and you keep it short). If its because he wants the chance to dance with everyone and thinks it will be fun, then my vote is inching towards yes, as long as you're ok with it.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 5/31/2009 9:24:49 AM
Author: laine
IETA: Why does FI want the money dance? If its for the money, then no, don't do it. If its because its always done in his area or in his family, and his mother/grandmother/whoever really wants it done, then I vote maybe (as long as your getting married in his area and you keep it short). If its because he wants the chance to dance with everyone and thinks it will be fun, then my vote is inching towards yes, as long as you're ok with it.

Ditto - personally I wouldn't even consider it BUT if it's something that's acceptable in FI's culture / family then maybe. However you may have to warn your side of the family before hand otherwise it could come as a nasty surprise. You don't want their lasting memory of your wedding to be something that to them was extremely distasteful

 

[anniee19]

We had a money dance at our wedding, and honestly, I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't one. It must be very dependant on location, but where I live, it is pretty much expected. We didn't do shots or anything like that (our venue has a no shot policy), so to me I don't think it's tacky at all. We also had the DJ keep it to a maximum of 3 songs.

 

[mayachel]

Not knowing your fi motivation for wanting to do the wedding dance,
I''m going to throw out an alternative idea. What if people were given a token or card of sorts "pseudo money" to have a dance with the bride or groom. If you have no interest in doing it, it could simply be the women who get the token, and can come up at their will to dance with the groom by giving you the token?

check these out:
http://www.mybarong.com/wedding-accessories-customs-philippines-c-5.html

 

[Ara Ann]

Money Dances used to be popular in our area when DH and I got married, it was almost an expected thing at a big reception (usually people only give a dollar, we aren''t talking $50''s here!)...it probably stems from an old tradition and most guests enjoy it... But I chose not to have one, because it would have made me feel awkward. My nieces and my nephew have gotten married in the last 4 years and none had a money dance...I wonder if it has fallen out of favor in my area too as of late. Go with your heart on this and explain how it would make you feel to be ''paid'' to dance with the guests!


Good luck!

 

[iheartscience]

I voted NAY! I''m not a fan, and I''ve never been to a wedding where it was done.

However, if it really is an accepted thing where your fiance is from, and his family is down with it, I would maybe do it. BUT I would warn anyone who had never seen one about it in advance! (I know my family would be appalled because it is not something we do. Hahaha I think my mom would probably die just from thinking about it!)

 

[laughwithme]

I am definitely in the minority here but I said yes....every wedding I''ve been to has had a money dance. If it were thought of as tacky around here, I certainly wouldn''t do it...but it seems to be the norm here. Oh, for what its worth, I''m from the KC area.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 5/31/2009 10:59:26 AM
Author: thing2of2
I voted NAY! I''m not a fan, and I''ve never been to a wedding where it was done.

However, if it really is an accepted thing where your fiance is from, and his family is down with it, I would maybe do it. BUT I would warn anyone who had never seen one about it in advance! (I know my family would be appalled because it is not something we do. Hahaha I think my mom would probably die just from thinking about it!)

Mine too - she''d literally have a heart attack or point blank refuse to come to the reception

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 5/31/2009 12:06:21 AM
Author: ilovesparkles
I would say that sounds kinda tacky. Sorry.

So I went back and read some of the other threads for some history. I live in MN and have never heard of such a thing. But like others have said, if its cultural, then perhaps it wouldn''t be tacky. I originally commented with absolutely no knowledge. Whatever you do, I would recommend not doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''ve heard all the "it''s cultural" and "it''s regional" excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

 

[Blackpaw]

Im afraid im with the rest, its shockingly tacky. In certain cultures i believe its very common, and often in lieu of wedding gifts. If this is the case go for it. If its not, and it hasnt been done amongst your friends/families at their weddings, then id guess a lot of people will be put out by it, even if they dont say it.

 

[arjunajane]

sorry, but can someone please enlighten me on what in the heck is a money/dollar dance?! I''ve never even heard of the phrase..

Before I opened the thread, I thought you meant like one of those funky dances where the bride & groom break into a choreographed
fun dance instead of a traditional waltz or whatever...I know they''ve also become played out in the last couple yrs, but they still make me lol when
done well.

Why don''t you suggest Fi do something like that if he''s keen to dance alot?

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 5/31/2009 12:17:21 PM
Author: arjunajane
sorry, but can someone please enlighten me on what in the heck is a money/dollar dance?! I've never even heard of the phrase..


Before I opened the thread, I thought you meant like one of those funky dances where the bride & groom break into a choreographed

fun dance instead of a traditional waltz or whatever...I know they've also become played out in the last couple yrs, but they still make me lol when

done well.

Why don't you suggest Fi do something like that if he's keen to dance alot?

A dollar dance is when the guests can 'pay' the bride and groom for a dance...usually one dollar, but some people give more than that.

Again, it is supposed to be a 'fun' thing and most guests were shocked I DIDN'T have one at my wedding (because they were done all the time!) and actually gave us 'extra' cash because we didn't have one. Like I said, some people expect there to be a dollar dance...but I didn't want one.

I can see both sides of it, but if it makes the bride uncomfortable, then don't have one!

And, FYI...I looked it up online and came up with this:

"The custom was originated in America earlier this century by the European
immigrants, who wanted to assure that the young couple had a few extra
dollars to face the future with. It has endured in certain areas of the
United States, while it is virtually non-existent in other parts.

Here in New York, some feel that our custom has its direct roots in both the
Italian and Polish heritages, two groups of people who appreciate a good time
and love traditions."

 

[Haven]

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Ditto.

 

[goldenstar]

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

If you''re one of the "cultural" or "regional" couples, how can it be tacky if nearly all of the guests are wanting and expecting you to have a money dance? I don''t understand your logic.

 

[Elmorton]

Date: 5/31/2009 12:51:09 PM
Author: goldenstar

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

If you''re one of the ''cultural'' or ''regional'' couples, how can it be tacky if nearly all of the guests are wanting and expecting you to have a money dance? I don''t understand your logic.

Agreed. If you''re a part of a culture that gives large cash gifts and no one buys from a registry, might you find a couple''s registry tacky??? "Tacky" is completely dependent on culture/societal norms, so....the logic here is messed up.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 5/31/2009 11:22:12 AM
Author: Londongirl1

Date: 5/31/2009 10:59:26 AM

Author: thing2of2

I voted NAY! I''m not a fan, and I''ve never been to a wedding where it was done.

However, if it really is an accepted thing where your fiance is from, and his family is down with it, I would maybe do it. BUT I would warn anyone who had never seen one about it in advance! (I know my family would be appalled because it is not something we do. Hahaha I think my mom would probably die just from thinking about it!)

Mine too - she''d literally have a heart attack or point blank refuse to come to the reception

Hahaha mine too!

 

[jstarfireb]

Nay, nay, a thousand times nay!

My mom wanted me to do this because her side of the family is Polish and it's a common Central Pennsylvania Polish tradition. The way my mom described it to me was similar to the 3rd-to-last post on this thread:

"Well i am from East central Pennsylvania and im getting married September 29, 2007 - At every wedding I have ever been to which were quite several being my family is quite large - there has always been a Dollar Dance - it is expected at the wedding - LOL - the Guests at wedding come with the dollars already tied in a KNOT for the Dance - My godmother maid my Apron - the Dj will annouce its Dollar dance time - the Bridal Party Dances FIRST with the Bride and Groom then their parents and grandparents - the Maid of Honor holds the APRON for th Guests to drop the money into it - the Brides Maids hold the WRAPPED CAKE - the GROOMSMEN HOLD the TRAY of SHOTS of Acohol as a thank you!!!! the Guest drops their dollar in Dances with the Bride or the Groom or BOTH!!! then takes a Piece of the Wedding CAKE - then a SHOT or TWO - Some guests get back in LINE for Several Dances and Shots - SOME of the Guests (the younger generation askes the Bride and Groom to have a shot with them in celebration) - Im serious when i say - they take the DOLLAR Dance to a new level and most totally enjoy the time with the Bride and Groom - the last wedding i Went to the Bride and Groom were on the floor for over an hour with the Guest doing the Dollar Dance - oh and we play a POLISH POKA which is not a slow song - to keep the guests flowing......"

Her version of the dollar dance definitely included a fast polka rather than slow songs. And she also described the maid of honor collecting money in an apron. Supposedly at the end, the guests all form a circle around the bride, and the groom has to break through the circle to get to her, pick her up, and carry her out. It's the last song of the wedding before they make their getaway. I've never actually seen it, but it's a lot more fun sounding than what's been described elsewhere (slow songs, just lining up to dance with the bride and groom).

But still, even with my family being Polish-American and my mom really pushing for me to do it, I couldn't bring myself to. It was just too tacky for me.

ETA: Despite being half Polish and growing up in Central PA, I've never actually been to a wedding that had one...

 

[PearlDahhhling]

Thanks for all the replies ladies. Poor FI is gonna be sad... Haha.

His reasoning for wanting to do the money dance is that his aunt and uncle had one at their wedding... He had fun with it at their wedding, so he thinks that it would be fun at our wedding.

It has nothing to do with culture or anything. We live near Sacramento, CA and I''ve never been to a wedding with a money dance...

I think I would find it tacky as a guest and probably not participate unless I was extremely close with the bride and groom. I think I''m just going to have to put my foot down on this one because I would feel super uncomfortable...

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I voted NO, but I don''t think it is TACKY... I think that word is harsh, and also dependent on the region one is from.

People only "pay to dance" if they want to-- I''ve never been to a wedding with a dollar dance where I felt OBLIGATED to pay to dance with the couple. And if you watch the faces of those who paid to dance, they''re usually having a total blast! It is also common where I come from (fam in OH, PA, and WV), to send a little kid up with a dollar to dance with the bride/groom, and the parents just love it. Giving a dollar is no big deal, I''ve never met a guest that "minded," and I''ve never met a dollar-dance-couple that appeared to be money-grubbing.

Now, if you''re having a totally traditional, formal wedding it may seem off base. But so would a DJ playing the electric slide, or so would tossing a garter.

Of course, it''s totally a to each his/her own, but I think there are FAR tackier things a bride & groom could do than have a dollar dance. I''m still surprised at the reaction from some! It just goes to show the differences in regions of the US. For brides that live in places where money dances are quite common and normal, foregoing the dance is just fine. I''m not having one because I just don''t want one. That''s reason enough... I just can''t imagine ever being put off by attending a wedding with a money dance. It''s an optional dollar, you know? But I can see how it would seem strange in a setting where dollar dances "just aren''t done."