Movin'' On

[anchor31]

It is a huge accomplishment of his to acknowledge his problem and find a solution, and I admire that. And you and a lot more patient than I am, I''m not sure I would have waited with a ring in the house for 1.5 years! Wherever this leads you, I wish you the best.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/17/2006 11:40:14 AM
Author: Starset Princess
I said, tell me I''m the only one who can make you truly happy
He said, I want that to be true
I said, so did I
and I went to bed
that answer should have been ''you are''

This is a side discussion but, FWIW, I don''t believe that other people make us "truly happy". And I don''t think there "just one person" who can make us more fufilled than any other.

IMO there are A FEW, maybe SEVERAL people you meet in a lifetime that have the potential to be a life partner.

And IMO, we make OURESLVES happy. If he''s not happy ... it''s not your fault or the fault of your relationship. He may be suffering from depression & secretly wish you could "make him happy" ... or be holding out for someone to cure him of all his problems, fears etc. Uh, that''s just impossible.

I hope he doesn''t keep running from job to job, girl to girl, situation to situation looking for the elusive HAPPINESS. Wherever you go, there you are.

And I hope you don''t take on the responsibility of HIS happiness, or put the responsibility of YOUR happiness on him or your relationship with him etc etc. We come into the world alone. We leave it ALONE.

Aick. End of soapbox.

I hope that came out okay.

 

[janinegirly]

i''d love to hear how you''re doing this week, are things better with you and your bf or have you explored moving on? hope all is well.

 

[Erin]

Things are better. Things have definitely changed for the better. I''m just gonna ride this train for a while and see if it holds momentum or if it''s what I''ve needed or only a bandaid. Lots of things going through my head. But yes, it''s better - Thanks

 

[FireGoddess]

I hope that he''s gotten past or is nearly past whatever issue has caused him to hold onto the ring for over 2 years now. Even if you prematurely pushed him to get a ring...he''s still had it for two years. It''s time for him to sh!!! or get off the pot, as they say. I''m sure you''ve felt this way for a long time.

You have shown lots of strength and I just hope that he can give you what you want and need...or that you find the courage to demand no less than you want or need. *big hugs*

 

[flopkins]

Starset - I agree w/FireGoddess.

I am pulling for you... *hugs*

 

[Mara]

i agree with FG as well. i can't help but think...how does someone hold onto a ring for 2 years if the person they want to give it to is right there? i hate to say that...but i hope you are wondering the same thing.

don't ride the train too long without seeing some sort of result. you deserve the best. hang in there sweetie.

 

[cutes814]

I hate to say it too, but how can he hold onto the ring when you are right there??? I''m really baffled. I don''t understand it. What is he thinking?

You deserve to be happy. I think 5 years is more than enough time. Especially with 2.5 of those years sitting there with the pink elephant. I know how hard it is to wait for the ring when you KNOW he has it and just not giving it to you. I feel your pain. I''m so sorry Starset.

But please put your own needs before his. He is obviously putting his needs before yours.

He mumbled all sorts of ''but that''s not what I want''>

Give yourself a deadline on how long you''ll be staying on this train. Sometimes it easy to let our inner romantic take over and think that maybe he''ll be proposing the next day, etc. It''s hard to face the truth sometimes. I hope you all the best. I really hope he has some sort of epiphany and realizes how dumb he''s been to make such a special person wait and go through all this pain. Much love to you girl.

 

[Erin]

The inevitable.
It''s been too long - we still would have soooo far to go until we are good again. I just don''t have the energy to invest.
I''ve always been there trying, even when I was the only one and he blocked it out because it was too painful to admit we weren''t working. Yes, he has depression issues. Yes, he escapes through work, alcohol, avoidance, etc.
It shouldn''t be this hard. I''m walking. Please take me off the list.

I don''t want to be number 1 or 2 waiting for a new guy. I wouldn''t be waiting for a Starset Princess ring anymore, anyway.
I''ll come back new. You''ll know when it''s me. I''m not walking away from PS or the LIW. I just need to be taken off the list as a matter of personal closure.
You know what? I''m surprisingly fine. I know there will be sad times and hard times to come. I know the moving out part will be difficult. But that''s just part of it, isn''t it. Overall I guess I''m more overwhelmed with relief. That there is at least an answer now has given me a lot of strength. Limbo sucks. Even though I''m not getting engaged like I used to want, I''m relieved that I''m comfortable making a decision that he is not the right one for me. The worse decision would be to force it to be something it''s not. Please don''t feel bad for me...I''m happy to have finally made a decision, the right decision

 

[KimberlyH]

Starset,

I''m glad you''ve been able to find some peace. I won''t say I''m sorry, because you''re not and that''s all that matters. Be proud of yourself for doing something so difficult.

 

[Mara]

starset, you have a great outlook. i know what you mean about not being sorry....when i left a previous relationship it was just 'time'. and i was a little sad for what we had both lost, but not really because i knew i had a whole new life opening up before me. and one that would be better, healthier, happier. you deserve the best and i hope you know that and you will find it. a relationship where it's not a one way street. when i found greg, he had all the qualities of my ex that i liked, plus a bunch of 'extras' that my ex did not have and that i really WANTED. and he was sans a bunch of things about my ex that i really did not like, things that really bothered me. it was like just the right fit. for me that's what relationships are all about. you keep looking til you find the right fit. and then you know it's the way to go. good luck chickadee and please don't go away. maybe it's time for a new fresh name?!

 

[FireGoddess]

You. Go. Girl. I am moved by your strength and your realization that it shouldn''t be this hard, and this much work. Relationships are work, but this is a little too much one-sided work. Way too much one-sided work. Letting go of this relationship will help open you up to the one you TRULY desire and deserve.

I hope that you will hang around, and agree...perhaps a name change is in order? *hugs* Big hugs.

 

[dmbfan]

Starset, It funny what you can find when you reach inside yourself. Stay strong and trust your decisions. We know how hard it is to take that step. Wish nothing but the best for you.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/30/2006 12:25:52 PM
Author: Starset Princess
You know what? I''m surprisingly fine. Overall I guess I''m more overwhelmed with relief. The worse decision would be to force it to be something it''s not. Please don''t feel bad for me...I''m happy to have finally made a decision, the right decision

Heck to the yes! Bad? Girl, I think people will be THRILLED for you ... that you''re feeling STRONG & RELIEVED & that you''re taking action to make YOURSELF happy! I certainly am.

It would be *sweet* if we could transform other people into the best forms of themselves - so they''d live up to their own potential ... deal with their depression/bad habits/fear ... and become the partners we want them to be ... BUT ... we''re just human and, for the most part, we can only really control/heal/help ourselves.

**HUGS** (& props!)

 

[janinegirly]

starset, good for you, i think this decision was long overdue. i also agree, we don''t feel bad for you, we feel happy for you, what an exciting new beginning, and how great it must feel to have control over your life again instead of hanging on for years to false hope.
i felt bad for you before this decision. keep us posted!!!!

 

[Cailet]

Date: 10/30/2006 1:56:47 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 10/30/2006 12:25:52 PM
Author: Starset Princess
You know what? I''m surprisingly fine. Overall I guess I''m more overwhelmed with relief. The worse decision would be to force it to be something it''s not. Please don''t feel bad for me...I''m happy to have finally made a decision, the right decision

Heck to the yes! Bad? Girl, I think people will be THRILLED for you ... that you''re feeling STRONG & RELIEVED & that you''re taking action to make YOURSELF happy! I certainly am.

It would be *sweet* if we could transform other people into the best forms of themselves - so they''d live up to their own potential ... deal with their depression/bad habits/fear ... and become the partners we want them to be ... BUT ... we''re just human and, for the most part, we can only really control/heal/help ourselves.

**HUGS** (& props!)

Wow- let me just say a big DITTO to what Deco posted.

Congrats on making this tough decision -- and >

 

[Julian]

Way to go!!! You are taking charge of your own destiny and I know you will be rewarded for your courage. Whenever you follow your heart, God, the Universe, whoever or whatever you want to call it, never lets you down.

New windows open... new people walk magically into your life and horizons will unfold before your amazed eyes! Just stay strong because initially it will be tough. You will need that experience for your new life as a butterfly & as a goddess!

Change is the scariest thing for humans... and I applaud you for seeing your own truth and taking steps to HONOR YOURSELF. In any relationship, you cannot love or be loved if you do not first respect and adore yourself. And you are! You are! You are incredible. As Mariah Carey sings, "And every time I feel afraid...I hold tighter to my faith... and I live one more day and I make it through the rain."

May there be many rainbows and sunny skies after this gentle shower!

HUGS to you, brave girl!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

SP~
I am so happy you are at peace with your decision. You are absolutely right. Relationships and love shouldn''t take that much work. Good for you and keep your head up!

 

[reader]

Massive applause

 

[anchor31]

I''m very proud of you for do what is right for youself. It takes a lot of courage, and you''re a very strong and brave woman. I applaud you for finding the solution to your problem and doing what must be done! I''m glad you''re feeling at peace.

 

[mrssalvo]

I don''t comment in this forum often but I do follow the stories here and starset I''ve been following yours for a long time. i too am so proud of you for making a decision to put yourself and your own needs first. Your realistic outlook of the times ahead will help you to get through them and I know something bigger and better is waiting for you. you deserve complete love and adoration and the right one to give it to you will finally be able to have you when the time is right. hugs girl. please don''t leave us as you''re apart of the PS family and do check in letting us know how you are doing

 

[firebirdgold]

**HUGS**

see you soon in your new incarnation!

 

[HOUMedGal]

Way to go, girl!! I''m so glad for you that you''ve made what you know is the right decision. Now you have SUCH a bright new future ahead of you...it''s like Mara said, I remember when I met my hubby after I had broken up with the guy I dated for 2 years before him....it was like, wow! this guy has all the stuff my ex had that I liked, extra new things that I didn''t even know I wanted but now I realize that I do, and he''s got NONE of the qualities that I didn''t like in my ex! It''s true, you know when it just fits. Your "perfect fit" is out there somewhere...now you just get to go have fun in the process of finding him! Every time we go through "learning experiences" (or as LadyKemma calls them, AFGO''s....another f$*#ing growth opportunity...I love it!), we come out stronger, with more knowledge of ourselves than before. The more you know yourself, the better you will be at finding your other half.

Can''t wait to see you back again, with your new name and new beginning!! Can we have the Dorothy avatar back? I still always picture her when I read your posts!

 

[KimberlyH]

Starset,

Just wanted to check in and see how you''re doing. I hope that you are still feelnig at peace with your decision.

 

[blueroses]

I am so late to this, but I just wanted to send you a HUGE HUGE hug through the wires and tell you that you are strong, brave, gorgeous, and FIERCE and that amazing things await you. You are such an inspiration and I am thrilled for you to have made a choice.

Big hugs, my LIW sister--keep us posted and I am proud of you--we come to things in our own time, and this is YOUR time.
xoxoxo