My feelings are hurt.

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/30/2008 10:29:13 PM
Author: Bia
HELLL NOOOOOO!!!!


Okay, you cleared everything up for me. What you got in that plastic Duane Read shopping bag was not a gift--I REPEAT, NOT A GIFT! A crappy gift would have been a cheap little gift bag with a bag of Receese (I don't know how to spell Receese) inside. Cheap yes, insulting, maybe...


Sorry, for those of you who don't agree (I can't seem to keep my internet-mouth shut with this thread!), but I must say it. It has nothing to do with being a crappy gift-giver. From your last post it is obvious these 'ladies' are used to receiving the finer things in life--EVEN FROM YOU! What they gave you was a deliberate sign as to know they see you. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR GIVING SOMEONE A CAN OF TUNAFISH (unless its a practical joke, followed by something EXTRAORDINARY)...do you understand that point? No excuse.


Honey, you need to work your courage up and make FIANCE, and his sisters well aware of the fact that you are not to be treated like a piece of sh*t!!! I don't care if its a culture thing that you don't understand. You are nice to them, and NICE translates in any culture...they are being mean, and because you are letting them, they will continue to test you. Three sisters??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Honey, you're a$$ is grass in this relationship if you don't stand up for yourself.


I know a few days ago I said something about being sensitive, if only to not send PSers running for the hills, but it this case, I am so livid, I can't help myself...and its not even happening to me!

I wasn't yelling, really...

My sentiments exactly. This thread had me all sorts of angry. I wanted to punch those girls for goldfish. Now that I know about the cultural differences, I'm angrier than before. They are disgusting human beings.

 

[movie zombie]

personally, i''d share the joy......

invite them over for dinner one night without saying what is going to be served...make sure your honey is going to be home [and don''t tell him either].....and serve [you guessed it] tuna sandwiches and for dessert reeces. as i served dinner i''d just say i so appreciated the gift that i wanted to share it and thank everyone for everything. i''d also put a potted plant in the purse and use it as a center piece.

if that doesn''t get things out in the open, nothing will. but be prepared to deal with the fallout. while they think you have problem with the gift, i bet its nothing compared to what they''ll think of the dining experience.

movie zombie

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/31/2008 3:20:31 PM
Author: movie zombie
personally, i''d share the joy......

invite them over for dinner one night without saying what is going to be served...make sure your honey is going to be home [and don''t tell him either].....and serve [you guessed it] tuna sandwiches and for dessert reeces. as i served dinner i''d just say i so appreciated the gift that i wanted to share it and thank everyone for everything. i''d also put a potted plant in the purse and use it as a center piece.

if that doesn''t get things out in the open, nothing will. but be prepared to deal with the fallout. while they think you have problem with the gift, i bet its nothing compared to what they''ll think of the dining experience.

movie zombie

I like this idea. Even better is that you will have to only serve everyone a quarter of a sandwich and half a reeses cup (assuming there are two cups) because they only gave you one can of tuna and one package of reeses. Serve it on super large plates for scope.

What Gypsy said crossed my mind too...about the OP being a troll. But it''s such a ridiculous story, real or not, that I wouldn''t mind if she were a troll. Score one for creativity...

 

[diamondsrock]

Yikes, I just read this whole thread and I have to say I''m disgusted. To think these two girls have taken so much of your energy and time thinking about this makes me ill, especially on your birthday no less! They are so not even worth the effort.
I''ve know people similar and there is just no getting around it that they are there to make you miserable. When I first read this, I thought maybe they were really strapped for cash, etc....but reading the rest that is not the case and besides that they overly value material gifts, which makes this all the more insulting.

These girls have absolutely no class, obviously see you as someone who they can manipulate (I would NEVER pick out a $500 gift if someone else was paying for it!). They will continue to take advantage of your kindness, caring gestures (helping them out through tough times) and most likely will give you nothing back. Have they in the past 4 years given you any support, kindness, etc......?

Sad that the FI didn''t really see the obvious slight in this whole situation. I''d be pretty upset over that as well. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, guys can be kind of clueless, but who knows. I''d still be annoyed.

If you cause too much of a stir they may turn the table on you as someone else said. I had a friend in high school who played that card - oh, you''re mad at me! How dare you! Now I''m mad at you! I could never win an arguement and we stopped being friends. Any time I had a problem with her she turned it into a pity party for herself. I don''t miss her one bit and kind of kicking myself that I was even friends with her. She made a lot of my high school a nightmare.

Sorry, that was off topic, but it reminds me of these girls. You can''t win and you won''t win. They are not worth your time. I would put zero effort into any gifts for them, except a cheap card. Also, I would have a sit down with FI. That is most important.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/31/2008 3:20:31 PM
Author: movie zombie
personally, i''d share the joy......


invite them over for dinner one night without saying what is going to be served...make sure your honey is going to be home [and don''t tell him either].....and serve [you guessed it] tuna sandwiches and for dessert reeces. as i served dinner i''d just say i so appreciated the gift that i wanted to share it and thank everyone for everything. i''d also put a potted plant in the purse and use it as a center piece.


if that doesn''t get things out in the open, nothing will. but be prepared to deal with the fallout. while they think you have problem with the gift, i bet its nothing compared to what they''ll think of the dining experience.


movie zombie

You ladies are so creative! I would so do this...after I punched them.

 

[butterfly 17]

Oh Goldfish, I am really sorry that this is happening to you. I don''t understand why people have to be downright mean to others, maybe they are jealous that you are taking their brother away from them?

Anyway, if I were you, I would just ignore what happened and next time, I would not get them anything too nice for their birthdays, maybe just a card or send them a text message.

I have to say that I do kind of know how you feel and when I read diamondseeker2006''s post, it made me think of my SIL as well. My SIL is having her big wedding in a few months and she has been constantly calling me for advice on this and that and I have been more than happy to help with what I can. I helped pick flowers, went invitation shopping, picked favors with her, etc.

I found out a few months ago that I am not even part of her bridal party, but my sister, who she never ever speaks to, is.

When she had her baby in Feb. I gave her a whole bunch of stuff for the baby, the crib, mattress, sheets, two car seats, a playpen, a co-sleeper and even a bassinet. Then when I went to visit her after the baby was born, I gave her money and a tymphanic thermometer. On top of this, I have babysit for her for a week at a time, even when I had to work.
Guess who she picked as a godmother? My sister of course. My sister didn''t even give her anything for her baby shower and did not even visit the baby until three weeks later, and I was there the same week the baby came home.

I can''t be mad at my sister because she can''t help if they pick her over me, but I can certainly feel upset they seemed to overlook me, even though I have bent over backwards to be helpful.

I think that family dynamics is so weird and sometimes no matter how hard you try, they still might not accepting of you. Just stick in there and keep your head up high and know that you are doing nothing wrong and you have nothing to warrant their behavior.

It''s like at work, when others complain about this one or that, I don''t worry because I know that I am doing my job and they can''t touch me.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 5/31/2008 9:06:33 AM
Author: Bia
So fiance thinks it was more stupid than anything else. Hmmmm...

ALSO, know that it might be a cultural thing with him. Middle Eastern men are very different from American, Latino, Asian...etc.. Iranian men (the families I have encountered through another cousin whose fiance is from Iran

) for instance, are very much dominant figures in their households and the *Prince* in their family's eyes.

The culture(s) in Iran are very different from the rest of the middle east, since the dominant ethnic group is Persian, not Arab, with a different history, language, cuisine, etc. And Morocco is in Africa, not the middle east.

Watch the sweeping generalizations of half the world there, hm?

 

[Independent Gal]

And I''m throwing in my lot with Risingsun on this one. This girls don''t like you. Keep your distance. Keep your dignity.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/31/2008 8:30:43 AM
Author: goldfish

The thing is, only the two half sisters and the full sister are in the States. We are physically very close to them, because we all live within a 5 block radius. Actually, the older tuna girl is renting my old apartment from me. Everyone else is in Paris or Morocco. So they don''t play a very big part in our lives. That''s how things stand!

I think this young lady needs to start looking for a new apartment.

Personally, I''d tell her to get out - as I''d be needing it while FI sorts his head out as to where his allegiences lie.

 

[jewelerman]

I FEEL FOR YOU!Birthdays are huge in my family and i have always had a great time on that day.I have to agree with Movie Zombie that they are what they are...and you should change how you deal with these women.They did you a favor and showed their true selves so you will save future $$$ and time on them...
1- i would no longer buy any gifts for these women
2-be polite and contunue to be social with them but gifts on special holidays or lending money is out of the question.You have learned your lesson and THEY set the rules for future gift giving.
3-They are future family so you do need to try and have a positive relationship with them- forgive and learn from it ...it will be the best thing for you and your fiances relationship.
4-Let your fiance know that you wont put him in the middle of the relationship between you and his family but he does need to support you when you are hurt by them.
5-send a nice e-mail to the sister who called..thanking her for calling,maybe this will help with that relationship
Good luck...let us know what happens.Relationships are alot of work!

 

[goldfish]

Date: 5/31/2008 2:33:47 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
To be very honest, it might have seemed that you were trying to buy their friendship. I think $500 birthday gifts are really over the top except for perhaps spouses or very special birthdays.





That is also the case in my circle, but not in theirs.


In any case, I have decided to give no more energy to this situation, as it has become clear to me over these past few days that very little can be done. All I can do is be dignified and keep my distance. So, somebody send me a map to the high road!

Thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughtful advice. They are very sincerely appreciated.

I am sorry that I gave the impression that my FI is not supportive of me. He is very much in my corner and loves me very much; it''s just in the moment he was a little oblivious. Which happens to the best of us. Since this is a jewelry/diamond forum, I will mention that he does give me really great jewelry, and I got a great present from him, as I always do! He''s really the love of my life.


I posted some really blurry pictures of my engagement ring, and if it''s appropriate and people are interested, I''ll post some pictures of the modest little collection I have. I don''t have much in the way of diamonds, but I want to get some this year. Hence my interest in this site. Everyone here has such beautiful things, and I''m sure I can get great inspiration here.





Here''s a link to my ring photos!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-engagement-ring.86614/

 

[Pandora II]

I LOVE your ring! (In case you hadn''t guessed I''m a coloured stone nut!)

Can you take some better close-ups of it for us?

 

[goldfish]

I''m going to get my camera back from my sister tomorrow, and I''ll take better pictures. I''ll also take some shots of some of the other stuff he''s gotten me in the past, including my birthday present! Maybe I''ll even take a picture of the infamous tuna can!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

We''d love to see your jewelry GF, and I applaud you for taking the high road...distance and birthday CARDS for them in the future!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 5/30/2008 10:57:31 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/30/2008 10:52:48 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana
I am going to have to agree with TravelingGal's suggestions on this one...their 'gift' was thoughtless and rude. Yes, it is the thought that counts, but there was no thought put into this. Candy? Maybe. But who the heck gives someone (other than a cat) a can of tuna as a gift?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

It wasn't thoughtless...it was full of thought, but not thoughtFUL. Unless these women are super dumb, I don't see how giving a gift like this can be anything but purposeful. It reeks of malice.

Even if there is something you are not telling us...like if you are a horrible person and have treated these women terribly or something, this 'gift' is still classless.

The way I mean it is that whatever thought they put into it was not very nice. It was careless and inconsiderate.

 

[Kaleigh]

I foget who said this, but what they sent was a message... That struck a chord with me. I am sorry they treated you that way. Again, I don''t see how dealing with them will bring any kind of closure for you Goldfish. I still can''t get over the Tuna, that is just so offensive to me, on many levels. I''d hold my head high, work with your FI, and not look back. If that''s possible.

I wouldn''t want to have any thing else to do with them, they showed their true colors. Time to show your''s... Back bone, silence, and ignore them. Hoping all goes well for you going foward. Lisa

 

[scarleta]

I am speechless so I am quoting Kaleigh:




HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I have no words for what they did!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/31/2008 2:33:47 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

That said, I know how you feel. My hubby''s sister did not ask me to be in her wedding (which was maybe 5 years after ours) which blew my mind. She had no sisters or first cousins, and she only asked her college friends to be in the wedding. I am cordial to her, and we see each other for Christmas and that''s it. But once that happened, I knew where I stood and I stepped back from trying to create a closer relationship since that apparently wasn''t her desire. And we had had zero negative interactions. She was just so self-centered that she didn''t think about what the right thing to do was.

I totally agree with DS and all the other posters who said pull back and keep your dignity.

I call these types of experiences "friendship limiting moments". When we get to know people, we gradually take steps to get closer, and every once in a while on the road to building a relationship, the other person shows what they are really made of and lets us down/insults us/is selfish. While I understand the desire to get even with those sorts of people, and it is great fun to think of all the ways you will torture them and torment them, these types of people are not worth the energy. It is no benefit to get embroiled in their miserable way of living and interacting with others, it just sucks you dry and makes you angry and bitter. Just move on and be clear about the boundaries of your relationship with them. In your case, since it''s future family, it is probably important that your FI know how you feel and respects and supports your desire to have boundaries in your relationships with some members of his family.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/31/2008 10:10:55 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana

Date: 5/30/2008 10:57:31 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/30/2008 10:52:48 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana
I am going to have to agree with TravelingGal''s suggestions on this one...their ''gift'' was thoughtless and rude. Yes, it is the thought that counts, but there was no thought put into this. Candy? Maybe. But who the heck gives someone (other than a cat) a can of tuna as a gift?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

It wasn''t thoughtless...it was full of thought, but not thoughtFUL. Unless these women are super dumb, I don''t see how giving a gift like this can be anything but purposeful. It reeks of malice.

Even if there is something you are not telling us...like if you are a horrible person and have treated these women terribly or something, this ''gift'' is still classless.

The way I mean it is that whatever thought they put into it was not very nice. It was careless and inconsiderate.

I know what ya meant...I was just expanding on it.

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

I know its rude to ask so you probably wont answer, but, when you mentioned money being no object I assumed that you were very young and came from a weatlhy family, or a bit older, at least late 20s maybe much more and had established a nice career.

but, you said you were about the same age as the sister, who are obviously pigs of people and were called by your FI immature, etc. And so I was trying to figure out some approximate age for you, and well, I couldnt. lol...I am 23 by the way, not that important, but, I am very curious.


Oh, and I also wanted to mention a similar experience of my own. with my brother, who I am not real close with but we always have fun whenever we spent time together. I had gone out of my way to get him a nice Birthday present--which cost like a 10th of your presents, but for me it was a significant amount of my bank roll, and then at some point I loaned him 20 bucks.

On my brithday we had gotten to see each other and he mentioned he was giong to get me my 20 bucks back to me. Then in the evening, just before me and my fiance (she was visiting America at the time) left he sai "let me get your birthday present" pulled out his wallet, and gave me a hug high five. I slid it in my pocket to check it out later and we left. We got to a hotel, and what did I find...20 bucks. that was it. Later I mentioned it to him and he acted like everything was normal and said he had paid me back already on my birthday.

and on a previous encounter, the first time my fiance, my gf at the time, had left america to go home to Japan my brother drove us to the airport--we were all visiting my parents at the time and my mom made him because she knew I would be sad and had stayed up all night and didnt want me driving home. Anyway, cars were not allowed to park in the front but she was running late for her plane (well, it was close anyway) so she went through the airport security and left to board and about 5 minutes later he strolls in. Yells at me because he didnt get to say good bye to my girlfriend, handed me the keys and read in the backseat of the car as I cried and drove home (I was pretty weak at that point).

Other than those two occasions, we get along great. We laugh alot, play games, wrestle, talk about life and family. But then suddenly, he is a jerk. He is also in graduate school for his doctorate in...shoot, I forgot the technical name--neuroscience?--, anyway, he does brain research and has plenty of friends, is married, she is a teacher, a good life you know? Who knows...some times people have got some hidden part inside of them that is just...messed up...despite some of the positives.

 

[Bia]

IndependentGal: You're right, Iran is Persian, with a different language and customs, but still much of the traditions are very much the same. Also, Morocco, although in Northern Africa, is still considered by many, personally and politically, part of Middle Eastern territory.

Also, if this didn't come across, I wouldn't try to lump people into one group intentionally. I was speaking from my own experience and perspective.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

 

[goldfish]

Date: 6/1/2008 1:24:52 AM
Author: WorkingHardforSmallRewards
I know its rude to ask so you probably wont answer, but, when you mentioned money being no object I assumed that you were very young and came from a weatlhy family, or a bit older, at least late 20s maybe much more and had established a nice career.


but, you said you were about the same age as the sister, who are obviously pigs of people and were called by your FI immature, etc. And so I was trying to figure out some approximate age for you, and well, I couldnt. lol...I am 23 by the way, not that important, but, I am very curious.

Hi,

I just celebrated my 24th birthday. The half sisters in question are 24 and 22 respectively. (My FI is 37 and his full sister is 35.) They are from a very wealthy family, and are VERY well looked after in that regard. My own story is somewhat different in that I earned my own money in my teens, and my family is not at all well off. Although what I have is mine and what they have is from their father, at this point in all our lives, the tuna girls and I have the same kinds of resources. And here I am speaking purely in a material sense.

 

[goldfish]

Date: 5/31/2008 7:50:39 PM
Author: Pandora II
I LOVE your ring! (In case you hadn''t guessed I''m a coloured stone nut!)


Can you take some better close-ups of it for us?

Thanks so much! Photos coming later today

 

[miraclesrule]

Happy Belated Birthday Goldfish!!!

I can''t believe I actually read this entire thread. Phew!! It was a long one....

I agree with so many on this thread...and I think I understand what you were attempting to do with your monetary gifts. It''s often hard to take the high road, because many can convince you that you have a damned if you do, damned if you don''t situation.

These girls do sound like passive aggressive master manipulators. They probably are just itching to have you "react". They would probably love nothing more than for you to run from their family as fast as you can. If you did that, they would probably be feeling smug and victorious.

Ultimately though, you are not marrying them. They may never like you or respect you and you can''t make that happen through trying to please them. However, I would never...I repeat never...let anyone do such a thing to me without planning out a "response" and then I would have a heart to heart talk with myself. You''ve been burned....but it can be a lesson learned. Please learn a lesson here.

Whatever you do...do it differently than you have it the past.

 

[goldfish]

Hi everyone, I just posted better pictures of my engagement ring, and I added some other pieces of jewelry I have. Here''s the link!







https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/better-pics-of-my-sapphire-e-ring.86666/

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 5/31/2008 11:44:39 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/31/2008 10:10:55 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana

Date: 5/30/2008 10:57:31 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/30/2008 10:52:48 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana
I am going to have to agree with TravelingGal''s suggestions on this one...their ''gift'' was thoughtless and rude. Yes, it is the thought that counts, but there was no thought put into this. Candy? Maybe. But who the heck gives someone (other than a cat) a can of tuna as a gift?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

It wasn''t thoughtless...it was full of thought, but not thoughtFUL. Unless these women are super dumb, I don''t see how giving a gift like this can be anything but purposeful. It reeks of malice.

Even if there is something you are not telling us...like if you are a horrible person and have treated these women terribly or something, this ''gift'' is still classless.

The way I mean it is that whatever thought they put into it was not very nice. It was careless and inconsiderate.

I know what ya meant...I was just expanding on it.

Oh no, I wasn''t exactly pointing the finger, so to speak...I was making sure that I used the correct term, lol

! I definitely think that they had put thought into it, but their thought is just mean and full of the nasty gunky

!

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 5/30/2008 9:38:59 PM
Author: TravelingGal
OK, this is not a ''bad gift.'' It''s not a gift at all. It''s GROCERIES.

Can of tuna? Contents go under the floor mat of their car when they''re not looking.

Reeses? Under their bum on a hot day. It will look like they are having their period and sh*t in their pants at the same time.

And don''t waste the bag. Wrap it around their heads when they are sleeping.

gawd i love it when u r sleep deprived!!!!!

 

[GemView]

Date: 5/30/2008 5:29:14 PM
Author:goldfish


I wish I was making this up, but I couldn't. I'm so taken aback.

Loosely speaking, I am in the same boat and ended up saying nothing. What your future SILs did to you was far more outrageous than my example, but I came out feeling similarly confounded. In our case, my FI and I have always given gifts to all members of his immediate family, including his nieces (the children of my future SIL and BIL). We aren't loaded, but enjoy giving generously on birthdays and Christmas because seeing our nieces faces light up is a great delight to us. Well, in Dec. '06 they got my FI a gift and everyone else a gift for Christmas but claimed to have forgotten mine. (My FI and I had just become engaged that year -- after six years together -- and had not thrown ourselves a party so maybe that's why it bothered me more than it should have?) Fast forward to Christmas '07 and it felt like déjà vu. This time, they bought everyone else a gift and nothing for my FI or myself. (They are well into the 6 figures so I doubt it was a money issue.)

To show you just how unprepared we were for this, after all the gifts were open we discretely asked my FI's mom if we somehow missed their gifts. (Maybe buried under the tree or left out in the car?) Turns out it wasn't our mistake (there were none).

I still have no idea what to make of situations like this. (In our case, no obvious conflict, everyone cordial and on good terms, though I would not say my FI's family are particularly close.) While mulling it over, it occurred to me that it would be just as tacky to make an issue out of the gift -- or lack thereof -- as it was for them to behave so thoughtlessly.

I really have no solution for your situation, but I feel for you! The only thing I can say is more of an observation than advice. Some catty/manipulative types will try to bait others into a conflict in order to find any and all excuse to argue that YOU are the one with the problem. So if you suspect that they are just looking to get a rise out of you, don't give them the pleasure. If they are looking for a reason to badmouth you for some perceived misstep, the last thing you want to do is to fall into the trap.

Good luck! (And happy belated birthday!)

 

[Harleigh]

Wow...I can''t believe I made it through this entire thread!

All I can say is happy belated birthday, and I''m sorry that these girls feel it''s okay to treat you this way.

I hope you can separate yourself from them and take care of you from now on...you don''t need them bringing you down.

 

[krisvrn]

Happy Birthday and I do think that was rude of the girls to do that to you. They don''t seem like real friends to me.