My Niece Is Getting Married

[AGBF]

Tomorrow will be our 51st anniversary What can I say other than I married my life partner.

Happy Anniversary, Isabel! 51 years is a long time!

Big hugs,
Deb

 

[Trekkie]

Hi Deb!

Our conversation in another thread reminded me that I neglected to ask you how your niece's wedding went!

I'm sure she was a beautiful bride. I look forward to hearing all the details, if you care to share them.

 

[AGBF]

Hi Deb!

Our conversation in another thread reminded me that I neglected to ask you how your niece's wedding went!

I'm sure she was a beautiful bride. I look forward to hearing all the details, if you care to share them.

Thank you so much for asking, Trekkie. You are a real sweetheart.

I thought about posting an update after the wedding and had a huge urge to post a photo, but that would have been a huge invasion of my niece's privacy had I done it without her knowledge. So naturally I could not do it. (Although I thought of posting various photos that did not show anyone's face.)

The wedding was very, very simple and sweet. It was also held outdoors in the frigid cold in a park and it was very hard for my father, who is 93, to walk that far. We should not have had had him attempt to do that. The wedding itself was lovely. My niece had found a female Justice of the Peace who was bilingual in English and Spanish who did the ceremony in both languages so that she and her husband could both understand the ceremony. Her mother held the ring for her to put on her fiancé's finger. Acting as best man and holding the ring for my niece's fiancé was a new friend he had made from Senegal.

The reception was at an Italian restaurant in another town. At first they refused to let us eat the "wedding cake" we had brought in with us!!! We were not well organized!

Here is the story: the wedding was attended by immediate family and a couple that my niece and her husband had met a few weeks earlier also attended the wedding. The woman's name was Christine. She told me that my niece and her husband were a mirror image of her husband and her eight years ago when he came here from Senegal. She used to have to speak French to him all the time, but she said that now she was forgetting all her French because his English was so good. I thought she was American, but later found out she was Haitian! I had no idea since her English was flawless. But their presence made it a lot easier on my niece's husband. He had people with whom to speak a little French...and I hung out with them and spoke French, too. For me the strangest part was probably that my brother's mother-in-law asked me to get up and sing.

When I had first met my niece's fiancé-weeks before the wedding- it was my birthday and we sang "Happy Birthday" to me. Then my niece explained that in Spain the person celebrating the birthday gave the party for everyone, which everyone agreed I was helping to do by having brought the parve cookies and a parve cake from the Jewish bakery. (My niece and her mother are both lactose intolerant and we have found that the dairy-free products from kosher bakeries are safe for them). After we all sang, "Happy Birthday", I explained in English to my family, then in French to my niece's fiancé, about something I had seen in Québec. It was someone's birthday and everyone in the restaurant had sung, "Gens du Pays". So after I explained it in French, I sang it. My niece's fiancé was delighted and sang along.

So at the wedding my brother's Mother-in-Law asked me to sing "my song" when they brought out the wedding cake. And I did. And everyone went crazy about it. There were very few other diners in the restaurant at the time, but they stopped and listened. Even my daughter told me later that I sounded very good, much better than I usually do according to her .

Deb/AGBF

 

[AGBF]

The ceremony in which my niece was originally married was a civil ceremony presided over by a bi-lingual (English and Spanish) female Justice of the Peace. My brother told me that this weekend she and her husband are going to have a religious ceremony that involves just the couple themselves for her husband's religion (Muslim).

Then, at the end of June there is going to be a bridal shower. And the only truly public wedding will take place in August at the family's Roman Catholic church with a reception afterward. Friends and non-immediate family are extremely confused. Many people have no idea my niece is actually married at all since they are being invited to pre-wedding events and a wedding.

Meanwhile i have arranged for a non-dairy cake and cookies for the bridal shower, since the bride, Maid-of-Honor, and Mother-of-the-Bride are all lactose intolerant.

Here is one picture I am able to share from the first wedding.

Deb

 

[Trekkie]

I can't believe I missed your response to this thread!

Thank you for your detailed reply! I love the picture - it hints at a very happy bride and groom. Congratulations to them both.

 

[JewelFreak]

Deb, sounds like great celebrating. That's what counts! All the love of friends & family and the couple -- I'm glad it was fun & warm!

--- Laurie

 

[AGBF]

Thank you, Trekkie and Laurie. So far this marriage has not been like any other I have seen and I been invited to a few weddings of friends' children in the past few years. It seems that some of them have lived together for so many years and are so well established in homes that they do not even bother to register for gifts. One couple registered for things that guests could give them during their honeymoon trip. Another couple we all just gave money to. (They had lived together for many years in a rented apartment, but had now decided to buy a condominium.)

I found out when I received my shower invitation that my niece had registered for very a modest but pretty set of china; stainless steel tableware; and household goods at Williams Sonoma and Macy's. I thought she had done very nicely. It reminded me of the old days! (Not that my choice of china, crystal, or silverware was modest!) I just feel she is acting like a real lady. She may not have a great deal of money, but she is middle class and a teacher and she wants to have a nicely set table. I am proud of her. But I was proud of her anyway. She is the loveliest young woman!

Thank you again both so much for your kind replies to this thread. It means a lot to me.

Deb

 

[LaraOnline]

Congratulations to your niece AGBF! sorry for my late reply - I don't come to PS too often for fear of the dreaded diamond fever - but I was enchanted with your lovely thread and wanted to wish the couple all the best.

 

[AGBF]

Congratulations to your niece AGBF! sorry for my late reply - I don't come to PS too often for fear of the dreaded diamond fever - but I was enchanted with your lovely thread and wanted to wish the couple all the best.

Thank you so much, Lara. I appreciate the support! I am going to the kosher bakery tomorrow about the shower cake and special parve cookies I ordered. The wedding is constantly on my mind. I just haven't been sharing about it here. I'm not sure why.

Hugs,
Deb

 

[LaraOnline]

Ultimately weddings are very personal to the couple, aren't they.
And with these exotic cross-cultural differences within the marriage, perhaps you are wishing to be a little reticent, just to keep it personal.
I hope the couple hit the ground racing with their marriage!
From my observations and experience, it can be around the 7 to 10 year mark that emotional readjustments slash personal growth often come forth, to keep the marriage powering and happy for the next millenium. So the youngsters have some time up their sleeve

 

[movie zombie]

The ceremony in which my niece was originally married was a civil ceremony presided over by a bi-lingual (English and Spanish) female Justice of the Peace. My brother told me that this weekend she and her husband are going to have a religious ceremony that involves just the couple themselves for her husband's religion (Muslim).

Then, at the end of June there is going to be a bridal shower. And the only truly public wedding will take place in August at the family's Roman Catholic church with a reception afterward. Friends and non-immediate family are extremely confused. Many people have no idea my niece is actually married at all since they are being invited to pre-wedding events and a wedding.

Meanwhile i have arranged for a non-dairy cake and cookies for the bridal shower, since the bride, Maid-of-Honor, and Mother-of-the-Bride are all lactose intolerant.

Here is one picture I am able to share from the first wedding.

Deb

I love this, Deb! an ongoing celebration of their love and commitment respecting personal and family religious traditions. their commitment to themselves, their relationship, AND to family is obvious. they are a blessed couple.

 

[AGBF]

Ultimately weddings are very personal to the couple, aren't they.
And with these exotic cross-cultural differences within the marriage, perhaps you are wishing to be a little reticent, just to keep it personal.

There have been some aspects to the planning that I have not shared. I may want to share them now that I have started blabbing. This thread has been therapeutic in a way.

I also want to apologize to the kind people who posted earlier in the thread and to whom I did not address individual replies. From what I could see as I looked back, I barely acknowledged the good wishes of AprilBaby; diamondseeker; IndyLady; klewis (although I quoted him); VRBeauty, movie zombie; LLJsmom; rosetta; JewelFreak; and Dancing Fire. I thank all of you for taking the time to post in this thread and to support me in this happy time!

And I thank you, Lara, for your wisdom.

Deb

 

[AGBF]

I love this, Deb! an ongoing celebration of their love and commitment respecting personal and family religious traditions. their commitment to themselves, their relationship, AND to family is obvious. they are a blessed couple.

I kept reading this, MZ. Thank you so much; it is a beautifully expressed sentiment!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[JewelFreak]

Deb, what's a parve cookie? I didn't think there was a cookie in existence I don't know about!

--- Laurie

 

[AGBF]

Deb, what's a parve cookie? I didn't think there was a cookie in existence I don't know about!

Let me play Sherlock Holmes, Laurie. From this question I am going to tell you that you are a Christian woman with a well functioning digestive system. Are you impressed with my deductive abilities?

How do I know you are Christian? Well, you are not Jewish, or you would know what a "parve" cookie was and the likelihood of your being Muslim, Buddhist, or another religion and living in the United States is relatively low. Therefore, I am deducing that you are probably Christian.

I deduce that your digestive tract functions well because if you were lactose intolerant, milk products would give you painful gas and you would probably have had to be worked up for this by a gastroenterologist (or at least diagnosed by an intuitive internist). You would, then, have become acquainted with the world of kosher bakeries that make non-dairy items that are safe for lactose-intolerant people to eat!

A "parve" item is guaranteed to have no dairy products in it. A kosher bakery operates under rabbinical supervision and the dairy products are kept strictly away from the non-dairy items. It affords the ultimate protection for the lactose-intolerant.

Deb/AGBF

 

[movie zombie]

and, Deb, you know me: Ms Doom & Gloom re politics.
it is people and especially couples like your niece and her husband that give me hope!

 

[AGBF]

and, Deb, you know me: Ms Doom & Gloom re politics.
it is people and especially couples like your niece and her husband that give me hope!

Thanks, MZ. I spoke to my brother this morning. Today is the day of the Muslim wedding and it will be in my brother's house. My brother was still figuring out what they should serve: if the custom was just snacks or a meal. I believe that an imam will be there. I do not know if he will bring his wife. I am not sure if two friends of the couple who attend the same mosque as the groom will also attend. I will let you know once I have gotten a report because it is all very interesting to me. I wanted to know what my niece would be wearing because she had said she might be buying three dresses in all, but he had no idea. (Men!) I did find out that (sadly) there is no henna painting in Senegal. As you may recall, I love the henna painting done in many South Asian and Arab countries. It is not Muslim, per se, since Hindu and Christian brides (and perhaps brides of other religions as well) who reside in South Asia and the Middle East use henna, but many Muslim brides do do it and I love it. One of my good friends from Pakistan who is Muslim and got married in a mosque was beautifully adorned in henna on her wedding day!

Deb

 

[JewelFreak]

Henna is one thing, but did she get parve cookies? You are a good detective, Deb, though I have probably more Jewish friends (& love Jewish foods) than any other variety but guess if that word ever came up, it blew right past me. Thanks for the info. I'm allergic to absolutely nothing, except shrimp -- I can't even touch it, as in shelling it for other people to eat, without breaking into horrid itching.

Anyway, back to the subject. All the diversity of weddings in one marriage is fascinating! I'm hanging out here wanting to hear more.

--- Laurie

 

[movie zombie]

i share your fascination with celebratory henna, Deb, so I insist: she needs another ceremony! a henna ceremony! one for the women to oh and ah and celebrate with her...women of different cultures and religions. hint Hint HINT: you could volunteer to host such an event, my dear Deb....

however, I'm betting by the end of summer they both will be DONE with marriage ceremony.

oh, here's a though: how about a tiny henna for her catholic ceremony?! could be discreet and even under her dress.........something to make her Aunt Deb happy? is there such a thing as blue henna? could be her "something blue".........

I'm betting she appreciates your support and she is indeed lucky to have you as her aunt, Deb!

 

[AGBF]

i share your fascination with celebratory henna, Deb, so I insist: she needs another ceremony! a henna ceremony! one for the women to oh and ah and celebrate with her...women of different cultures and religions. hint Hint HINT: you could volunteer to host such an event, my dear Deb....

however, I'm betting by the end of summer they both will be DONE with marriage ceremony.

oh, here's a though: how about a tiny henna for her catholic ceremony?! could be discreet and even under her dress.........something to make her Aunt Deb happy? is there such a thing as blue henna? could be her "something blue".........

I'm betting she appreciates your support and she is indeed lucky to have you as her aunt, Deb!

OK...time for my confession. This is some of the "stuff" I haven't been posting. I did offer henna. But that is when I found that they do not do henna in Senegal.

I did not offer to do the henna, of course, but I sent my niece photos of it and asked her to show them to her husband to see if they did that in his country. I cannot stop interfering, it seems.

And then I offered cakes for the original wedding (it was declined) and the big wedding (it was declined because a parve cake will be provided as part of the package) and for the bridal shower (it was accepted). (I provide all cakes for family birthdays, you see, because there is a Jewish bakery near me and I always have a cake and two pounds of parve cookies when they come "down" here, even if it isn't a birthday cake, just because I like to make sure they get some desserts they can eat when they visit us.) So I am the unofficial cake person.

I also offered my niece a diamond, and she has never given me a definitive answer....

I told her she could pick from among many of my diamonds ranging from very tiny, but ideal cut and D color, up to larger ones that are not ideal but are larger.

I spoke to her husband alone, in French, to be sure that it was OK with him. But I think that, somehow, she doesn't want one from me. My brother said that I could always give her one as a gift. But my job is not to push things on her or on the couple.

I do have a Bellerina pendant that I had planned to give my daughter for her 16th birthday but then could not because she cut up and threw away jewelry. I considered giving that necklace to my niece. But that is a pretty expensive diamond to give to someone who may not want it. Without being crass about its cost, let me just say that it is a nice stone.

Here is a thread about it...[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-bought-another-diamond.71160/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-bought-another-diamond.71160/[/URL]

I am trying not to be childish about my niece "rejecting" my gift. I think part of the problem may be that she never gave me a definitive answer. But perhaps she felt that giving me a negative definitive answer would have been rude!

Deb

 

[movie zombie]

let her husband know the offer is there re the diamond any time she wants to take you up on it.
gasp: diamonds may NOT be her thing!

sounds like she is ok with accepting "cake" when she deems it ok/suitable.
you offer and respect her decision: again, you are a really good auntie, Deb!

 

[MonkeysInk]

It sounds like such a lovely and thoughtful series of celebrations - I'm so happy to have seen this thread when it popped to the top!

Great idea about parve cookies...my boys have an intolerance to the proteins in dairy and I live fairly close to a large Jewish community...I might have to do some investigation. Something tells my my boys would be game!