Need Your Opinions Please

[Coreysgirl]

Good Afternoon...

I need your opinion on something. Me and my FI were originally planning to get married July 11, 2008. There''s a banquet hall that I''ve love for I don''t know how long. Well, the date we wanted isn''t available anymore. As a matter of fact, they don''t have any Fridays or Sundays available in July, August or September. We were trying to avoid a Saturday because they cost so much more money and you have to guarantee too many people and we want to stay at 100 and under.

So I called today and asked if they had July 3rd available. I figure, I won''t have to take any days off because our office is closed on July 3rd and 4th and I''m off on the weekends. I can also have it that day and have family fly in and we can have a big barbecue the following day with fireworks, etc.

Because we don''t have alot of money to spend on the wedding I was trying to find somewhere that would allow us to have a cash bar. Fortunately, they do on the weekdays but not the weekends. Now I''m the kind of person that''s always worried about pleasing others so I kept telling FI that we had to have a bar included with our package. Do you think it''ll be a huge inconvenience if we didn''t get the bar included with the meals and just did a cash bar? I hate to pay so much per plate and then pay for a bar just to receive $10 (if that) in a card for a gift?

Please give me your opinions and sorry for it being so long.

 

[Stephanie]

I''m a little confused... So the date was free?

About the cashbar - that always tends to be a big debate. I am sure that if you search you will see tons of threads about it. I have been to only one cash bar wedding and it didn''t matter too much because the bar took credit/debit cards (it was much easier that way). If it is at all possible (meaning that it will fit in your original budget), I would say skip the cash bar.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 3/7/2008 2:33:55 PM
Author:Coreysgirl
Good Afternoon...

I need your opinion on something. Me and my FI were originally planning to get married July 11, 2008. There''s a banquet hall that I''ve love for I don''t know how long. Well, the date we wanted isn''t available anymore. As a matter of fact, they don''t have any Fridays or Sundays available in July, August or September. We were trying to avoid a Saturday because they cost so much more money and you have to guarantee too many people and we want to stay at 100 and under.

So I called today and asked if they had July 3rd available. I figure, I won''t have to take any days off because our office is closed on July 3rd and 4th and I''m off on the weekends. I can also have it that day and have family fly in and we can have a big barbecue the following day with fireworks, etc.

Because we don''t have alot of money to spend on the wedding I was trying to find somewhere that would allow us to have a cash bar. Fortunately, they do on the weekdays but not the weekends. Now I''m the kind of person that''s always worried about pleasing others so I kept telling FI that we had to have a bar included with our package. Do you think it''ll be a huge inconvenience if we didn''t get the bar included with the meals and just did a cash bar? I hate to pay so much per plate and then pay for a bar just to receive $10 (if that) in a card for a gift?

Please give me your opinions and sorry for it being so long.

Having it on the 3rd sounds doable if your friends and family don''t go out of town.

I''ve been to weddings with cash bars or where they provided the beer, wine and champagne, but liquor was cash bar only. I say if you can''t afford it, don''t break the bank. You don''t really have a choice there. True friends and family won''t judge you on that.

 

[Gypsy]

How much per head does it add for you all? And is a cash bar something that's done and accepted (so that the guests will be prepared for the possibility of it) in your area?

I personally would try to compromise in other areas to keep a hosted bar in. But in my region and in our families the majority of the weddings are hosted bars, I don't think our guests would know to bring $$ to pay for their drinks.


My venue, THANKFULY, isn't liscensed for hard alcohol, so we are only hosting beer, wine and champagne and soft drinks. It's costing us 30 a head for that... *heart attack* but well... it's important to us.

 

[cara]

There are many threads on cash bars - do a search and see a wide variety of opinions.

Mine is that you are hosting a party, and so you should provide food and beverage for your guests as best you are able. Wine and beer only is fine. No alcohol is fine too, but I personally would cut many other things first. Asking people to pay for their drinks at a cash bar, IMO, is tacky.

And you should not really be expecting gifts, or thinking about how much you will make back in gifts and if it will cover the catering costs. If you are, then cut your guest list, as these people aren't important enough to you!!! Now I know there is always a rogue cheap family member out there that you have to invite but don't want to, but otherwise seriously. Throw a classier party with fewer guests that you can afford, rather than asking or expecting others to chip in for an event you are organizing.

ps. at the end of the day, it would have been MUCH more cost-effective to buy all our gifts ourselves and get married at city hall. At least in my culture and circles, the "pay for your plate" guideline is not observed.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 3/7/2008 2:33:55 PM
Author:Coreysgirl
Do you think it'll be a huge inconvenience if we didn't get the bar included with the meals and just did a cash bar? I hate to pay so much per plate and then pay for a bar just to receive $10 (if that) in a card for a gift?

Please give me your opinions and sorry for it being so long.

Well, my opinion is that a cash bar at a wedding is tacky. If you want people to come to your wedding, you shouldn't expect them to pay for drinks. You can do one of three things to mitigate this issue:

1. Scale back your guest list to less than what you now have, and figure in the bar tab.

2. Keep your guest list as is, but only offer beer, red and white wine.

3. Scale back your guest list and only offer beer, red and white wine.

As for the comment about getting a $10 gift in a card? I'm not sure where to start...First, you're not entitled to any gifts technically. Nowhere is it written that a wedding guest has to give you any gift at all, particularly when they're spending money on an outfit, travel expenses, etc. to be with you on your big day. Secondly, IF they give a gift, it can be whatever they feel appropriate to give you. Even if it's $10.

Lastly, I cannot see the logic in not providing bar drinks because you cannot be assured that the people drinking at the bar will give you an expensive enough gift to make the bar charge worth your expense? Am I actually reading that correctly???

 

[ChargerGrrl]

OK, i''m trying not to read too much into your $10 comment which i''m a bit baffled about?!?!

I too am not a fan of cash bars, but thought I''d throw out an inventive idea from a wedding i just went to last week- they had a hosted bar for their liquor- of a certain "category". if you wanted top-shelf hootch, then you paid for that.

I was perfectly fine with my Stoli vodka tonics, and didn''t pony up the cash for the belvedere vodka. I thought it was a good compromise, as did many of the guests.

Another thing I thought i''d point out is how about having your wedding during off season? Ya''ll could certainly save some bucks there!

 

[Haven]

A host never asks her guests to pay for something she herself cannot afford. If you can''t afford an item (be it lobster, beer, or liquor) you do not offer it at all. Bottom line.

If you cannot afford an open bar, by all means do not have one. However, please do not have a cash bar, either. Would you invite friends over to your home for a dinner party yet charge them for wine (or dessert) because you could only afford the meal? I think not. A cash bar is the same exact thing on a grander scale.

As for the $10 gift comment, please spend according to your means, and not according to what you expect to receive in gifts from your guests.

 

[Courtneylub]

Where I''m from, serving beer and wine then making the liquor be paid for is fine.

Personally, it''s important to us to have a premium open bar for our guests. I would cut back on something else in order to have that.

I agree that you shouldn''t expect a gift from every guest. Some guests will shock you with the gift or amount they give you. Other cannot afford a gift due to traveling, etc...as stated above.

Try not to take what anyone said above too personally. PS can seem harsh sometimes, but we come here for honest opinions. Honestly, I think we all expect to receive gifts when we get married. Maybe not from everyone, but wouldn''t we be a little shocked if we got married and didn''t get a few gifts or a little cash?? That''s reality.

 

[largirl]

Gypsy----$30 a head for just beer/wine/soda bar??? Or is that the bar PLUS the food? If it''s just the booze, then HOLY S-WORD!!!! Ours is $11.25/pp for the first hour then $4/pp for every hour after that. If that was the price of it here, I hate to say we''d have had to do a cash bar.

That being said, I *hate* cash bars. I went to one wedding where I was hired to babysit the B&G''s two-year-old son during the reception so he could be there but at the same time they could enjoy the evening...and I had to PAY every time he wanted something to drink. I couldn''t flipping believe it. I couldn''t get a Sprite for a 2 year old - the B&G''s SON, without paying. WTF? I was so pissed...you don''t usually plan on spending money when you''re babysitting. LOL okay, rant done. That was more their lack of giving me a heads up than the cash bar, though.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 3/7/2008 8:05:18 PM
Author: largirl
Gypsy----$30 a head for just beer/wine/soda bar??? Or is that the bar PLUS the food? If it''s just the booze, then HOLY S-WORD!!!! Ours is $11.25/pp for the first hour then $4/pp for every hour after that. If that was the price of it here, I hate to say we''d have had to do a cash bar.

That being said, I *hate* cash bars. I went to one wedding where I was hired to babysit the B&G''s two-year-old son during the reception so he could be there but at the same time they could enjoy the evening...and I had to PAY every time he wanted something to drink. I couldn''t flipping believe it. I couldn''t get a Sprite for a 2 year old - the B&G''s SON, without paying. WTF? I was so pissed...you don''t usually plan on spending money when you''re babysitting. LOL okay, rant done. That was more their lack of giving me a heads up than the cash bar, though.

The cash bar included EVERY kind of beverage?? Jeez...that is not cool.

 

[cara]

I'm not gypsy and don't know her venue... but I live in the vicinity and can state confidently that you don't get any meal for $30pp around here. That would be the beverage package, and it is a high but standard number for a wine and beer package.

A lot of places use the beverage package to function as sort of an additional site fee. They could charge $8000 rental fee and let you bring stuff from BevMo, or they could charge $5500 site fee but require you to use them for beverages. And then after happy couple has managed to swallow the $5500 rental fee (where they would have balked at $8000), they somehow find themselves ordering up a $30pp wine and beer package cause they don't really imagine a dry wedding.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m in the "if you can''t afford it, skip it" camp. Or cut down your guest list, or offer wine and beer only. There are lots of options that don''t involve asking your guests to pay for their drinks.

As for the $10 gift remark, I really hope something got lost in translation. People coming to celebrate your union as husband and wife is what should matter, not that the gift the graciously give doesn''t equal the amount your spending per person.

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

July 3rd sounds like a good date and im sure the weather would be really nice and you would still be saving a lot of money! The only downside to this is its a holiday weekend (people may have plans) and/or thats its a couple months away so some vendors (ie DJ and photography) may be booked.

Regarding the cash bar, im in group who thinks cash bars are not nice. HOWEVER, if you cannot afford it, just serve beer,wine,soda and people pay for cocktails, and that would be just fine too.

 

[Neveah]

Date: 3/7/2008 6:50:04 PM
Author: Haven
A host never asks her guests to pay for something she herself cannot afford. If you can''t afford an item (be it lobster, beer, or liquor) you do not offer it at all. Bottom line.

If you cannot afford an open bar, by all means do not have one. However, please do not have a cash bar, either. Would you invite friends over to your home for a dinner party yet charge them for wine (or dessert) because you could only afford the meal? I think not. A cash bar is the same exact thing on a grander scale.

As for the $10 gift comment, please spend according to your means, and not according to what you expect to receive in gifts from your guests.

I''m just going to add an AMEN. Haven said it much more eleoquently than I would have been able to.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I don''t think it''s tacky, but I guess maybe I am little more rude or something? I feel like yes they are my guests and yes some people are making an effort to come to my wedding. I also feel like if I am paying $100 a person for them to eat, it''s not unreasonable. But whatever. Is it possible to do consumption bar for an hour then cash bar or champagne toast and then only punch/water/tea?

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 3/7/2008 8:05:18 PM
Author: largirl
Gypsy----$30 a head for just beer/wine/soda bar??? Or is that the bar PLUS the food?

ROFLAMO. Sorry. I''m in Northern Ca. The soft drinks ONLY package was 15 bucks. NO FOOD, nothing, and that''s added to a site fee and the food prices etc. So yes, the 30 a PERSON is for the beer wine and a champage TOAST plus soft drinks only. We are purchasing an additional case of champange from them because we want champage for all four hours instead of just a toast. If I''d gone with a hotel, though I would have saved a LOT of money on the beverages. A LOT. Or just a different venue... but well, I needed something close to my grandparents, didn''t want a hotel, and wanted an outdoor ceremony AND the ceremony and reception at one place so... yeah. It''s the part I had the hardest time swallowing. 10 a person for salad. 11 a person for appetizer. 31 a person for the entrees we are likly chosing (although they have more expensive options by far), 8 a person for cheese fruit and antipasto ONLY at the cocktail hour. 31 a person for beverages. 18% service fee. 8.somethingridiculous tax. Close to 2000 for the rentail fee of the place lus tax. WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA.