Newbie here just popping in after lurking a while

[katomm]

Hi everyone. I am hoping I found a support group here in that I am definitely a LIW. NF and I were friends for 1.5 years (he was in a 9 year relationship with someone else) and that was it. They got married and 3 months later she left. I never in a million years thought I''d be with this man, he was just a friend and there were never signs he was interested.

Anyway, we''ve now been together for a little over a year, living together 5 months, and about 3 months ago I told him I wanted to marry him. In fact, I had planned on proposing to him (can you tell I''m not old-fashioned?!) on June 19th at a concert of his favorite band. Lucky for me I guess that we had a conversation a couple of weeks before that because he''s not ready. I made it clear to him I''m not waiting forever and these last few months of living together I''ve felt like I''m betraying my beliefs.

We''re both in our mid 30s, a divorce each behind us and neither wants to make another mistake. I know 110% that he''s the right one, never felt this way before not even with my first husband. He says he feels more right with me than his ex wife as well.

So anyway, I try not to think about it too much and never mention it to him, hoping one day he''ll come around. Last week he was looking into selling his old wedding band and was online, he showed me a few bands he likes "for next time." He''s obviously getting more comfy with the idea of getting married but I can''t help feel like this is all on his terms and I have no say.

I''ve enjoyed reading everyone''s posts and have been so inspired by some of you, jealous of others. I wish you all happiness as we wait...................

 

[sparklyheart]

Welcome Kat!

 

[tyty333]

Hi and welcome Kat!

What can I say...doesnt it always seem like its on the guys time???

Believe me there are a lot of ladies
here that know exactly what you are saying. Its hard to be patient.

Here is my take on it...
Besides your boyfriend being a guy "on his own timeline" you also have the double whammy of him just getting
out of a long term relationship/short term marriage. I''m afraid that he may be "burned". Who wouldnt be?
Its going to take him a while to mentally get where he is comfortable again and trust himself again with respect
to relationships. This is normal. He needs to go through the process of healing and figuring out what went wrong
in his last relationship before he gets remarried. You may be the most perfect person in the world for him but
if he has not recovered from his last relationship then he may not trust himself to get into another one. Do you
see where I am going?

I''m hoping that you can give him the time that he needs and I hope that your timeline and his timeline intersect
where you are both comfortable.

In the mean time there is lots going on in this forum so make yourself at home and feel free to jump in any time!
tyty

 

[Treasure43]

Welcome! I think most of us here can relate to feeling impatient. I know I most certianly can, and my boyfriend just bought the ring and a proposal will be happening soon. Still, I think it''s so out of my hands that it makes me nervous, I''m very independent and find it challenging to let others take control of things. It can seem like it''s on a guy''s timeline and I was ready to be engaged before my boyfriend was, however I knew we were meant to be together so I waited till he was ready (which wasn''t easy believe me). Anyway, him just recently getting out of an intense relationship can be a huge reason he''s not ready for marriage. I''m sure everything will work out! Until then, come join us LIWs and we''ll all wait together!

Anyway, it''s great to have you here!

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/3/2009 7:10:29 PM
Author: tyty333
Here is my take on it...
Besides your boyfriend being a guy 'on his own timeline' you also have the double whammy of him just getting out of a long term relationship/short term marriage. I'm afraid that he may be 'burned'. Who wouldnt be?
Its going to take him a while to mentally get where he is comfortable again and trust himself again with respect to relationships. This is normal. He needs to go through the process of healing and figuring out what went wrong in his last relationship before he gets remarried. You may be the most perfect person in the world for him but if he has not recovered from his last relationship then he may not trust himself to get into another one. Do yousee where I am going?

I'm hoping that you can give him the time that he needs and I hope that your timeline and his timeline intersect where you are both comfortable.

Well said - the guy's getting over a divorce, you 2 have only been together for a little over a year and 3 months ago you tell him you wanted to marry him. Yikes - no wonder he's not breaking out the champagne

I would give him a little time or he may run in the other direction

 

[Indylady]

Welcome!!

 

[lilmissrugger]

Hello and welcome! Just a warning- you might get addicted

 

[Dreamgirl]

Well hello there katomm and welcome to PS and the LIW board!