jojolh
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 27, 2008
- Messages
- 67
Hello everyone,
I too have been "lurking" on here for quite some time and I thought it was finally time to post. Ok, a little bit of background. I have been with my BF for a year and 2 months. We have been living together since last October. I am 36 (almost 37) and my BF is 38 (almost 39). He has been married once before and has a 4 yr. old daughter he shares custody with. I have never been married, I guess I have been waiting for "Mr. Right". I have had a couple of long serious relationships but broke it off as I knew it was not right. This just feels "right". I am so in love and even though he drives me crazy at times (who''s man doesn''t??) I can''t picture my life w/o him. We talked about marriage early on and upon moving in I needed a definite answer on where he thought our future was going. Marriage is very important to me now (it NEVER was before) and I definitely want to marry him and I needed to know we were on the same page. He said he we would be getting engaged w/in a year (That would be around now until October).
I guess because our one year anniversary was last month, I have been bringing it up more lately. Before we moved in together, I had an awesome apartment, was completely independent, and had all the freedom in the world. When we moved in together, we got a place with 2 bedrooms for when we have his daughter plus a garage. The garage has turned into storage from everything he had before he was divorced. (He had been divorced about a 1.5 yrs. before we started dating.) To be honest, I felt like I downgraded in my apt. but I did it because I love him. Then bitterness crept in. Thoughts like, well he got me in here now and now there is no talk of marriage. Go figure. It all worked out for him...a better place for him to live, a place for his daughter, me around to help with his daugher, cook, clean, pay 1/2 the bills etc....I finally voiced all this to him and he let it sink in. He actually approached me last week to talk and said everything I was thinking couldn''t be further from the truth. He does plan on proposing but wants it to be a surprise....do they all say that???
I have to admit, I have never dated someone like him. I know from the bottom of my heart he loves me to the end of the earth (feelings are mutual). He would do anything for me and is kind, considerate, loving and a great dad. The question, how do I just relax about the engagement? In my head, I am thinking he has until Ocotober. That is what he told me upon moving in and I swore I would never live with someone again w/o being engaged. I did that before and it did not end so good. And let''s face, I am no spring chicken. We operate like a married couple now, only the legal docs to make it official. I however want to be married before trying to add to our family. I just know him and he is a self admitted procrastinator. For him it will mean the research and actually getting the ring. He asked me to email him what I liked and wanted and I did that, very in depth. He did mention this weekend going to see a friend of his who''s dad is a retired jeweler. "We can go see him in a couple months next time we are LA or something". So...it''s not that far away but it also doesn''t seem like a priority.
To be honest, we were supposed to go to Hawaii last week and postponed our trip. I thought we would have been engaged by then. So for me, it''s a mindset. I know many of you will say it has not been long. But given my age, I have a pretty darn sure I know exactly what I want. We have been living together for 8-9 months as well. Make an honest woman out of me already
Having a child in the picture also complicates matters too because I just don''t know where I stand. If he wants me to be her stepmom (to help with bathtime, discipline, school pick up and drop offs, feeding her, signing her up for dance classes....I already do some of this etc.) then I want to be more then just a girlfriend.
Is it ok to have a deadline? Does the obsession only stop once the proposal happens?
Phew sorry so long....!!!
I too have been "lurking" on here for quite some time and I thought it was finally time to post. Ok, a little bit of background. I have been with my BF for a year and 2 months. We have been living together since last October. I am 36 (almost 37) and my BF is 38 (almost 39). He has been married once before and has a 4 yr. old daughter he shares custody with. I have never been married, I guess I have been waiting for "Mr. Right". I have had a couple of long serious relationships but broke it off as I knew it was not right. This just feels "right". I am so in love and even though he drives me crazy at times (who''s man doesn''t??) I can''t picture my life w/o him. We talked about marriage early on and upon moving in I needed a definite answer on where he thought our future was going. Marriage is very important to me now (it NEVER was before) and I definitely want to marry him and I needed to know we were on the same page. He said he we would be getting engaged w/in a year (That would be around now until October).
I guess because our one year anniversary was last month, I have been bringing it up more lately. Before we moved in together, I had an awesome apartment, was completely independent, and had all the freedom in the world. When we moved in together, we got a place with 2 bedrooms for when we have his daughter plus a garage. The garage has turned into storage from everything he had before he was divorced. (He had been divorced about a 1.5 yrs. before we started dating.) To be honest, I felt like I downgraded in my apt. but I did it because I love him. Then bitterness crept in. Thoughts like, well he got me in here now and now there is no talk of marriage. Go figure. It all worked out for him...a better place for him to live, a place for his daughter, me around to help with his daugher, cook, clean, pay 1/2 the bills etc....I finally voiced all this to him and he let it sink in. He actually approached me last week to talk and said everything I was thinking couldn''t be further from the truth. He does plan on proposing but wants it to be a surprise....do they all say that???
I have to admit, I have never dated someone like him. I know from the bottom of my heart he loves me to the end of the earth (feelings are mutual). He would do anything for me and is kind, considerate, loving and a great dad. The question, how do I just relax about the engagement? In my head, I am thinking he has until Ocotober. That is what he told me upon moving in and I swore I would never live with someone again w/o being engaged. I did that before and it did not end so good. And let''s face, I am no spring chicken. We operate like a married couple now, only the legal docs to make it official. I however want to be married before trying to add to our family. I just know him and he is a self admitted procrastinator. For him it will mean the research and actually getting the ring. He asked me to email him what I liked and wanted and I did that, very in depth. He did mention this weekend going to see a friend of his who''s dad is a retired jeweler. "We can go see him in a couple months next time we are LA or something". So...it''s not that far away but it also doesn''t seem like a priority.
To be honest, we were supposed to go to Hawaii last week and postponed our trip. I thought we would have been engaged by then. So for me, it''s a mindset. I know many of you will say it has not been long. But given my age, I have a pretty darn sure I know exactly what I want. We have been living together for 8-9 months as well. Make an honest woman out of me already
Having a child in the picture also complicates matters too because I just don''t know where I stand. If he wants me to be her stepmom (to help with bathtime, discipline, school pick up and drop offs, feeding her, signing her up for dance classes....I already do some of this etc.) then I want to be more then just a girlfriend. Is it ok to have a deadline? Does the obsession only stop once the proposal happens?
Phew sorry so long....!!!
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