HollyS
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NOT engaged Wahhh!!! Need to Vent!
- Thread starter bluebubbles
- Start date
- Status
MoonWater
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Could not possibly agree more. I think with age should come the perspective that people that have yet to live through it feel differently and it doesn''t matter how "rational" you are due to your own age. Throwing a harsh tone at someone in pain will not help them to understand your point and in fact may alienate them (therefore having the opposite effect you intended). And I''ve said this before to unfavorable responses, but I feel as though if certain types of threads really annoy a person it may be best for them to avoid them all together instead of risking hurting someone who is seeking comfort and empathy.
I would also like to chime in on the MissErin lovefest! You are like a little ray of sunshine. You are so positive and give such thoughtful responses. Very admirable qualities!
HollyS
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You always seem to *test the waters* first before you jump in. Some of us just go ahead and say what we think . . . because it''s a forum. That means you and I are entitled to share our opinion, even if we don''t agree with each other, or the original poster. A forum is an open discussion of ideas and opinions; it does not imply a consensus. If unfavorable responses (unfavorable to whom??) are disagreeable to you, then by all means, avoid those threads.
MoonWater
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Take a chill pill. I do, in fact, avoid threads that annoy me. It''s something I learned many years ago, it''s not worth the stress. It''s also not worth it to me to hurt the feelings of the topic starter. It''s their thread, I let them have it. And yes, blah blah, I know it''s a forum, free speech blah blah, thanks for filling me in. It doesn''t mean we shouldn''t be thoughtful and capable of censoring ourselves when we know we could hurt someone else, especially when it''s the OP. And for the record, I don''t have a problem at all with unfavorable responses. This board happens to be the nicest I''ve ever been on, in fact people remind me of it constantly. That''s why I think it''s hilarious when people get so bent out of shape over someone else venting in their own thread. Simply avoid it.
Geez.
MissErin
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Ok ladies - we are losing sight of what is truly important here - BlueBubbles. I haven''t see her respond to this at all and I only hope for her well being.
This firestorm all kind of started when some of us felt like BlueBubbles was being put down for her reaction and now it has fully gone on the opposite where people are now putting Holly down. This is not where any of us wanted to go with this.
We want to help BlueBubbles - so lets get back to that and her. All of you ladies are some of my favorite people and I only wish to see the helpful sides.
Holly has a right to say what she wants to say, but please Holly - just for the future - be as kind as you were in the posts I mentioned. Those were the times I really saw you shine and I know that you are that way all the time. This was just one glimpse of a small period of time.To the other girls - I support you coming to help BlueBubbles since you all see she needed each one of us.
But remember to keep her in mind while writing. It''s not about pointing out the posts you don''t love but more so adding to the advice you do agree with.P.S. Thank you for the sweet comments all you lovely ladies have said about me.
I care about all of you!!
surfgirl
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Oy. Why is everyone sniping over people expressing their opinions but nobody''s talking about the warning flags all over the OPs posts. If you want to help her, stop enabling with the "dont worry, I''m sure a proposal is coming soon!" posts, and talk about the warning signs she''s mentioned in nearly every post on this thread. To me, that''s the real issue here.
FrekeChild
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This board happens to be the nicest I've ever been on, in fact people remind me of it constantly.
I would also like to thank Erin for being so kind and thoughtful to each one of us LIW. She always seems to have the OP's best interests at heart and really tries to say whats best for them. So I want to thank you Erin for your kindness, quiet strength and compassion. I would give you a cupcake if I had any, and if we weren't across a few state lines. Cupcakes make the world go round. As do most baked goods...
I hope that bluebubbles isn't scared away by all the nonsensical bickering that seems to have erupted on her post. In fact I would really like to hear back from her, so bb, if you are lurking about, please come and say hello. I promise there are a few of us here who don't bite--unless you're a cupcake of course!
I think everyone needs to sit back, and have a glass of wine (or chocolates or ice cream or cupcakes or perhaps even lemon pie if you prefer not to drink, such as myself-most days) and relax. It's nice to relax...
FrekeChild
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TravelingGal
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Well, I am not much of an enabler on the LIW forum, but I do think sometimes some of us love pitching flags. So here''s my take on your analysis surfgirl, done with good intentions, i.e., a bit tongue in cheek.
Date: 12/31/2007 7:36:39 PM
Author: surfgirl
blue, actually, I can see why Holly wrote what she did, and why Kimberly did as well, and I agree with them. But what I noticed more from your posts was perhaps an underlying possibility that in fact, you''re BF maybe isn''t ready to be married, and or perhaps you are trying too hard to be ''engaged''? Let me show you what stood out for me in your posts:
1. i am feeling angry, hurt, depressed, sad, stupid, like a fool and an idiot. (that''s really sad, that you cannot be happy about being with this man unless you''re engaged now).
I didn''t really get that she is not happy unless she is engaged. She just feels stupid to get her hopes us and depressed from disappointment. That being said, that''s a lot of negative emotions to feel!
2. i tried not to get too excited about the whole engagement idea (this saddened me because you should be REALLY excited for the engagement and all that it brings with it)
Again, I see it as trying not to get your hopes up. Basically trying to prevent the fact that when they are up so high, and it doesn''t happen, she ends up feelin hurt, depressed, sad, stupid, like a fool and an idiot. Not everyone experiences engagement the same way...don''t we all wish it could be excitement and glowing AND actually happen in a girl-soon manner?
3. his response was smart. he didn''t say no and he didn''t say yes. what he said was, ''if things continue the way they are (meaning good), you won''t be disappointed''. (what does this mean? If you behave, you''ll get engaged? I wasn''t sure what you meant here...)
OK, this does seem odd...but I think most guys think like this. Hey, things are going well, and if they continue like this, she''s the one for me! Don''t know too many guys that think, geez, if this all goes to pot I still want to marry her. Not saying that it SHOULDN''T be through thick and thin, but I know too many guys with this mentality, and it doesn''t always mean a warning flag. And besides, men say stupid things. It''s in their genetic code. The "Y" in their "XY" for us means "Y the F*CK would you say something like that???"
4. but, w/o a 2007 proposal, it''ll just add to that pile of negative dump and conclude that 2007 just plain sucked. (You said that your BF said that things have ''been going really well'' or something to that effect...So if you don''t get a proposal this evening the entire year will suck as a result? Seems a bit sad to think that way)
Well, OTHER things may have sucked in addition to the relationship...work, friends, multiple rear-ends while pregnant...oh wait a minute, that last part was me...
5. i thought with me getting disappointed and hurt many times, it would be easy to walk, but it''s not. i love him so much. i''d sacrafice anything for him and all i can think about is, if he loved me so much as he claims he does, can''t he sacrafice his fear of marraige for me? i would. (It sounds to me like he''s disappointed you many times before? And you''ve thought about leaving? But you ''cant''? And you acknowledge that he apparently has a fear of marriage. Are you sure he''s ready for marriage, and that he''s not just trying to act like he''s ready because he''s feeling a lot of pressure from you?)
Honestly, this sounds normal to me. It shouldn''t be, but too many couples have this theme. I do hope it can work out, but I agree that it''s a big hurdle to cross for lots of guys and gals.
6. i wanted to show off the ring and most importantly, the man i love, to them. (This is a warning statement to me...You want to show off the ring to your friends? Are you sure you just dont want to be engaged/married and that perhaps this guy isn''t ''the one'' for you?)
AHEM. We are on PRICESCOPE. Hello?! I am not a diamond showy gal and lemme tell ya, I was pretty darn excited to want to show off my ring. Flit my fluttery fingers all around the room, yessiree. And she DID say most importantly show off the guy she loves. Yes, there are some gals who just LOVE the IDEA of being engaged/married, but wanting to show off the ring is not the most ominous sign, IMHO.
7. The sooner it comes, the sooner the deal will be sealed. I guess even if he says he wants to propose, that is not a guarantee that he will. So, I guess it''s a little fear that he''ll back out. But, that''s just my own insecurity. Plus I''m in my 30''s, so age is a factor for me. Besides, when we''re together we act like a married couple and everyone around asks when they can attend our wedding. haha (this entire statement is a big red flag to my eyes...You''re clearly afraid that if he doesn''t propose soon that you wont be able to ''seal the deal'' - again, not a healthy outlook on marriage IMO - and you''re afraid that he''ll ''back out''. Wouldn''t you rather the guy back out, then marry you even if he isn''t ready or perhaps doesn''t really want to?)
Insecurity is a scary beast. I consider myself a secure person with insecurities (and not the other way around). I KNOW TGuy loves me, but I still have strange irrational fears (and whacked out nightmares) that he''ll leave me. I think it''s kind of normal. It is, right? Someone tell me it is...please...or I think I need to go see a shrink....
Anyway, I hope you can see where I''m going with this post. To me, there are a lot of warning signs that you have stated in your own posts. You appear to have been disappointed by this guy before, and you''ve thought about leaving but you say ''you cant.'' You say that unless you get a proposal by the end of tonight, your entire year will be ruined (and I assume anything good/great will be overshadowed by your decision that the year will have been for naught). And you say that you know he has fears/issues about getting married but you are pushing for a proposal because you are very afraid that if he doesn''t propose really soon, despite you knowing about his fears, then you wont be able to ''seal the deal'' and he might ''back out.'' Does this sound like a healthy situation to you? It doesn''t to me. You might want to consider getting some counseling, both individual and separately, to figure out why you''re so insecure about this, and why he''s got his own fears about it. If it were me, I''d focus on trying to find out WHY you both have the issues you do, then move on from there. Just something to consider...and another way of looking at the situation with fresh eyes...
princesss
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I''ve got to say, I''m with TG on just about everything she''s posted on this thread.
Bluebubbles, how are things going? It''s been a few days. Have you had a chance to talk with your boyfriend about how much this is upsetting you? I really think that an open, honest heart to heart (done without tears or accusations) about where your relationship is and where each of you are comfortable with it going in the near future will help your anxiety about it a lot. That way if (and this is the worst-case scenario) he''s not ready and doesn''t think he will be within a year or two, you can plan accordingly. If you''re willing to stay with him, then you''ll know what you''re in for. And if he''s just trying to throw you off, maybe he''ll understand the toll it''s taking on you and be more forthcoming with a timeline.
Best of luck.
Bluebubbles, how are things going? It''s been a few days. Have you had a chance to talk with your boyfriend about how much this is upsetting you? I really think that an open, honest heart to heart (done without tears or accusations) about where your relationship is and where each of you are comfortable with it going in the near future will help your anxiety about it a lot. That way if (and this is the worst-case scenario) he''s not ready and doesn''t think he will be within a year or two, you can plan accordingly. If you''re willing to stay with him, then you''ll know what you''re in for. And if he''s just trying to throw you off, maybe he''ll understand the toll it''s taking on you and be more forthcoming with a timeline.
Best of luck.
Haven
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DITTO Moonwater and TGal.
I responded earlier but didn't say everything I was thinking, but now here it is:
The OP's original question was "any girls out there whose thoughts have been consumed / obsessed with getting engaged? if so, how did you over come that? any remedies?"
Now, even though bluebubbles shared a lot of other information in her post, she asked a specific question, which was not "do you think it's strange that I (a thirtysomething-year-old woman) cried myself to sleep because I didn't get a proposal in 2007?"
To make a judgmental and (in my opinion) condescending comment about something Blue wrote but was not asking about just seems plain old nasty to me. People share a lot of background information on PS, as well as pictures of themselves, and I believe it is with the comfort that this is a safe place to seek out information and opinions from others, and not a place where one will be met with judgment or nastiness.
The comment about Blue crying herself to sleep seems equivalent to someone posting a picture of herself in a wedding gown to see what people thought. Let's say the OP also writes that she eats far too much chocolate and is embarrassed about her size 10 tummy in the bit of background that she shares in the original post (we see a lot of gorgeous, thin brides saying similar things all the time on here!). Then, imagine a poster replies and fails to comment on the dress but makes a remark along the lines of "You eat a lot of chocolate and you're a size 10? That is not a good thing for a size 10 to be doing." This is how I view Holly's comment about Blue crying herself to sleep at night. It seemed mean-spirited, and it certainly doesn't have hope of answering Blue's question.
I think so many people find your comment offensive, Holly, because saying things like that violates the generally kind and helpful spirit we have here on PS. This doesn't mean that everyone must respond with a cheery "Don't worry, honey, he'll propose soon! You keep your fingers crossed!" In fact, I think posts like Surfgirl's which are obviously a well-thought attempt at helping Blue understand and cope with the anxiety she's feeling are very important, and actually probably help the OP more than the optimistic "stick with it, kid!" variety. It's the (rare) posts that seem to come from a judgmental or holier-than-thou place that threaten the community we've created here on PS, and I don't think anyone would like to see nastiness become a habit around here. I'm sure we all agree that there are enough unhappy, judgmental people in the "real" world that we don't need to run into them when we come to our wonderful diamond forum in our spare time.
Blue--You've gotten some excellent advice here, and I hope that all is going well for you.
ETA: Erin--LOVE your sweetness. You and Skippy should get special sunshine awards. (I'm thinking a diamond sun pendant, no, WF diamonds by the yard but with diamond suns instead of RBs! Oh, the possibilities!)
I responded earlier but didn't say everything I was thinking, but now here it is:
The OP's original question was "any girls out there whose thoughts have been consumed / obsessed with getting engaged? if so, how did you over come that? any remedies?"
Now, even though bluebubbles shared a lot of other information in her post, she asked a specific question, which was not "do you think it's strange that I (a thirtysomething-year-old woman) cried myself to sleep because I didn't get a proposal in 2007?"
To make a judgmental and (in my opinion) condescending comment about something Blue wrote but was not asking about just seems plain old nasty to me. People share a lot of background information on PS, as well as pictures of themselves, and I believe it is with the comfort that this is a safe place to seek out information and opinions from others, and not a place where one will be met with judgment or nastiness.
The comment about Blue crying herself to sleep seems equivalent to someone posting a picture of herself in a wedding gown to see what people thought. Let's say the OP also writes that she eats far too much chocolate and is embarrassed about her size 10 tummy in the bit of background that she shares in the original post (we see a lot of gorgeous, thin brides saying similar things all the time on here!). Then, imagine a poster replies and fails to comment on the dress but makes a remark along the lines of "You eat a lot of chocolate and you're a size 10? That is not a good thing for a size 10 to be doing." This is how I view Holly's comment about Blue crying herself to sleep at night. It seemed mean-spirited, and it certainly doesn't have hope of answering Blue's question.
I think so many people find your comment offensive, Holly, because saying things like that violates the generally kind and helpful spirit we have here on PS. This doesn't mean that everyone must respond with a cheery "Don't worry, honey, he'll propose soon! You keep your fingers crossed!" In fact, I think posts like Surfgirl's which are obviously a well-thought attempt at helping Blue understand and cope with the anxiety she's feeling are very important, and actually probably help the OP more than the optimistic "stick with it, kid!" variety. It's the (rare) posts that seem to come from a judgmental or holier-than-thou place that threaten the community we've created here on PS, and I don't think anyone would like to see nastiness become a habit around here. I'm sure we all agree that there are enough unhappy, judgmental people in the "real" world that we don't need to run into them when we come to our wonderful diamond forum in our spare time.
Blue--You've gotten some excellent advice here, and I hope that all is going well for you.
ETA: Erin--LOVE your sweetness. You and Skippy should get special sunshine awards. (I'm thinking a diamond sun pendant, no, WF diamonds by the yard but with diamond suns instead of RBs! Oh, the possibilities!)
MissErin
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MissErin
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I would also like to thank Erin for being so kind and thoughtful to each one of us LIW. She always seems to have the OP''s best interests at heart and really tries to say whats best for them. So I want to thank you Erin for your kindness, quiet strength and compassion. I would give you a cupcake if I had any, and if we weren''t across a few state lines. Cupcakes make the world go round. As do most baked goods...
Wow - I feel totally spoiled!! All these nice words and sweet comments are making me smile!! Thanks for all the love and all the sweetness you girls have shown me.
And I will take a cupcake any day - so THANK YOU!! hehe (((hugs to ALL LIW''s)))
CrookedRock
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Haven, TGAl, & Moonwater... Thank you thank you thank you!! As the one who originally pointed out that certain posts were harsh and unkind, I appreciate those of you who chose to stick up for the LIW''s. I ended up on this forum while searching for diamond info (no surprise there), but I stayed bc of the kind awesome people that come here daily and support each other. When I first read this thread I really felt for BB (and really want to know how she is now), and I felt even worse that people chose to be less than helpful in my opinion. I do think that if threads annoy someone they should ignore them, espicially when dealing with a persons feelings and emotions. If is wasn''t for Erin coming here and turning everything into a positive I probably would have gotten myself banned from the boards bc I felt so strongly about this. I just hope in the future we all take peoples feelings into great consideration before we press that submit button!
HollyS
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HollyS
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Exactly. I believe I've already said the same after your first very intuitive post. I confess, I missed some of those red flags myself.
I won't post on this thread again; this wasn't supposed to be about me. If anyone else feels compelled to speak up, they should stay on topic. Agreeing or disagreeing with me is not the issue; nor is taking me to task for how I expressed my opinion.
It's also not a MissErin love fest, nice though she is.
Miscka
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MoonWater
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I felt I contributed by making sure the OP understood that others agreed that what you said was out of line. I was hoping she would return and not feel bad because of what you said. In regards to following my own advice, I do. I avoid threads that annoy me and I don't attack people when they are feeling bad and looking for advice. "Our" opinions didn't bother me, your insulting post did. Thank you, for moving on.
BlueBubbles, please return with an update, the coast is clear!
MissErin
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This is very true and I should apologize for taking away from BlueBubbles on her own thread. I lost sight of her and why we all began writing on this in the first place.
So let me say - BlueBubbles I am very, VERY sorry for getting off track. More importantly, how are you?? I hope you''re doing better and I would love to hear from you when you have a moment to write.
HollyS
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I find your personal attacks (of me) to be counterproductive to the original poster, as well as the very nature of this forum. If you want to see unkind, simply look in the mirror.Date: 1/3/2008 11:24:31 AM
Author: MoonWater
I felt I contributed by making sure the OP understood that others agreed that what you said was out of line. I was hoping she would return and not feel bad because of what you said. In regards to following my own advice, I do. I avoid threads that annoy me and I don''t attack people when they are feeling bad and looking for advice. ''Our'' opinions didn''t bother me, your insulting post did. Thank you, for moving on.
BlueBubbles, please return with an update, the coast is clear!
MissErin
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Date: 1/3/2008 12:04:18 PM
Author: HollyS
I find your personal attacks (of me) to be counterproductive to the original poster, as well as the very nature of this forum. If you want to see unkind, simply look in the mirror.Date: 1/3/2008 11:24:31 AM
Author: MoonWater
I felt I contributed by making sure the OP understood that others agreed that what you said was out of line. I was hoping she would return and not feel bad because of what you said. In regards to following my own advice, I do. I avoid threads that annoy me and I don''t attack people when they are feeling bad and looking for advice. ''Our'' opinions didn''t bother me, your insulting post did. Thank you, for moving on.
BlueBubbles, please return with an update, the coast is clear!
Holly – That comment was unnecessary.
BlueBubbles - Please come back to the board and give us an update. We all miss you and want to hear from you.
Miscka
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MissErin
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At the risk of inadvertently throwing my hat into the ring, I just wanted to ask everyone to please take a few steps back from this thread. It''s gotten quite out of hand.
I can see everyone''s points of view here, but there isn''t going to be a resolution. Let''s all be the "bigger person" and move on
Ali
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MissErin
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bluebubbles
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Hi Hi to All my lovely PS gals (and guys if there are any hehe).... Sorry for the MIA. I wanted to come back to give you girls an update, but didn''t find a chance to log on until today. And my goodness, so many posts since NYE. I do want to thank all the posters (sorry too many to list) for their kind words and encouragement, even HollyS.Date: 1/2/2008 9:37:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Well, I am not much of an enabler on the LIW forum, but I do think sometimes some of us love pitching flags. So here''s my take on your analysis surfgirl, done with good intentions, i.e., a bit tongue in cheek.
Date: 12/31/2007 7:36:39 PM
Author: surfgirl
blue, actually, I can see why Holly wrote what she did, and why Kimberly did as well, and I agree with them. But what I noticed more from your posts was perhaps an underlying possibility that in fact, you''re BF maybe isn''t ready to be married, and or perhaps you are trying too hard to be ''engaged''? Let me show you what stood out for me in your posts:
1. i am feeling angry, hurt, depressed, sad, stupid, like a fool and an idiot. (that''s really sad, that you cannot be happy about being with this man unless you''re engaged now).
I didn''t really get that she is not happy unless she is engaged. She just feels stupid to get her hopes us and depressed from disappointment. That being said, that''s a lot of negative emotions to feel!
2. i tried not to get too excited about the whole engagement idea (this saddened me because you should be REALLY excited for the engagement and all that it brings with it)
Again, I see it as trying not to get your hopes up. Basically trying to prevent the fact that when they are up so high, and it doesn''t happen, she ends up feelin hurt, depressed, sad, stupid, like a fool and an idiot. Not everyone experiences engagement the same way...don''t we all wish it could be excitement and glowing AND actually happen in a girl-soon manner?
3. his response was smart. he didn''t say no and he didn''t say yes. what he said was, ''if things continue the way they are (meaning good), you won''t be disappointed''. (what does this mean? If you behave, you''ll get engaged? I wasn''t sure what you meant here...)
OK, this does seem odd...but I think most guys think like this. Hey, things are going well, and if they continue like this, she''s the one for me! Don''t know too many guys that think, geez, if this all goes to pot I still want to marry her. Not saying that it SHOULDN''T be through thick and thin, but I know too many guys with this mentality, and it doesn''t always mean a warning flag. And besides, men say stupid things. It''s in their genetic code. The ''Y'' in their ''XY'' for us means ''Y the F*CK would you say something like that???''
4. but, w/o a 2007 proposal, it''ll just add to that pile of negative dump and conclude that 2007 just plain sucked. (You said that your BF said that things have ''been going really well'' or something to that effect...So if you don''t get a proposal this evening the entire year will suck as a result? Seems a bit sad to think that way)
Well, OTHER things may have sucked in addition to the relationship...work, friends, multiple rear-ends while pregnant...oh wait a minute, that last part was me...
5. i thought with me getting disappointed and hurt many times, it would be easy to walk, but it''s not. i love him so much. i''d sacrafice anything for him and all i can think about is, if he loved me so much as he claims he does, can''t he sacrafice his fear of marraige for me? i would. (It sounds to me like he''s disappointed you many times before? And you''ve thought about leaving? But you ''cant''? And you acknowledge that he apparently has a fear of marriage. Are you sure he''s ready for marriage, and that he''s not just trying to act like he''s ready because he''s feeling a lot of pressure from you?)
Honestly, this sounds normal to me. It shouldn''t be, but too many couples have this theme. I do hope it can work out, but I agree that it''s a big hurdle to cross for lots of guys and gals.
6. i wanted to show off the ring and most importantly, the man i love, to them. (This is a warning statement to me...You want to show off the ring to your friends? Are you sure you just dont want to be engaged/married and that perhaps this guy isn''t ''the one'' for you?)
AHEM. We are on PRICESCOPE. Hello?! I am not a diamond showy gal and lemme tell ya, I was pretty darn excited to want to show off my ring. Flit my fluttery fingers all around the room, yessiree. And she DID say most importantly show off the guy she loves. Yes, there are some gals who just LOVE the IDEA of being engaged/married, but wanting to show off the ring is not the most ominous sign, IMHO.
7. The sooner it comes, the sooner the deal will be sealed. I guess even if he says he wants to propose, that is not a guarantee that he will. So, I guess it''s a little fear that he''ll back out. But, that''s just my own insecurity. Plus I''m in my 30''s, so age is a factor for me. Besides, when we''re together we act like a married couple and everyone around asks when they can attend our wedding. haha (this entire statement is a big red flag to my eyes...You''re clearly afraid that if he doesn''t propose soon that you wont be able to ''seal the deal'' - again, not a healthy outlook on marriage IMO - and you''re afraid that he''ll ''back out''. Wouldn''t you rather the guy back out, then marry you even if he isn''t ready or perhaps doesn''t really want to?)
Insecurity is a scary beast. I consider myself a secure person with insecurities (and not the other way around). I KNOW TGuy loves me, but I still have strange irrational fears (and whacked out nightmares) that he''ll leave me. I think it''s kind of normal. It is, right? Someone tell me it is...please...or I think I need to go see a shrink....
Anyway, I hope you can see where I''m going with this post. To me, there are a lot of warning signs that you have stated in your own posts. You appear to have been disappointed by this guy before, and you''ve thought about leaving but you say ''you cant.'' You say that unless you get a proposal by the end of tonight, your entire year will be ruined (and I assume anything good/great will be overshadowed by your decision that the year will have been for naught). And you say that you know he has fears/issues about getting married but you are pushing for a proposal because you are very afraid that if he doesn''t propose really soon, despite you knowing about his fears, then you wont be able to ''seal the deal'' and he might ''back out.'' Does this sound like a healthy situation to you? It doesn''t to me. You might want to consider getting some counseling, both individual and separately, to figure out why you''re so insecure about this, and why he''s got his own fears about it. If it were me, I''d focus on trying to find out WHY you both have the issues you do, then move on from there. Just something to consider...and another way of looking at the situation with fresh eyes...
Okay, here''s the update. We didn''t do anything exciting for NYE. I basically went over to his place and tried to stay awake for the count down. I think I fell asleep even before ringing in the New Year. haha. Nothing was really said because I had vented earlier that day here on this forum and after my vent, it REALLY did make me feel better and I just didn''t want to think or talk about it anymore. Prior to me dozing off (he started the conversation), we did talk a little and when I say little, it was only for like 5 minutes. He asked if I''d be ok with a March proposal and a mid year wedding (he likes to operate on a very short timeline). I thought about it and said sure, but if you want a mid year wedding, then we need to start planning (I prefer more time to plan the "perfect day")....he was silent and then said...we''ll plan after I propose. So, I said ok, but I''d definitely like some time to plan for the wedding. That was the end of the talk.
Now Girls...this may sound like good news, but let''s not get too excited here cuz guys sometimes don''t follow through with what they say. Just like my last post venting that he suggested ring shopping and then said he wasn''t ready to propose/get married. But, at this point, I didn''t really care cuz I had recovered from my little slip up earlier in the day. So, even when he non-chalantly asked about a March proposal, it went in one ear and out the other. haha My feelings when I was posting on NYE was basically, being one of those kids when your parents say, if you''re good, we''ll get you a puppy and/or present. So, it''s like, you know it''s coming and you want it so much that when your parents delay the gift giving...you just get so devastated. Anyway...kinda like that with the whole proposal thing and being excited to know that I''ll be spending the rest of my life with him.
Anyhow, no 2007 proposal. I am ok with it. I decided to fill my time and occupy my mind with beneficial things. At this moment, if it is not a March proposal, it''s okay. As long as I know my BF does want to marry me I can continue to wait and be patient (I''ll give him to July and then have another talk with him. I think that is reasonable and alleviates any pressure for him the first 6 months of 200
. But, just a warning to my fellow PSers, I might intermittently come back for support. Especially if all my friends are getting engaged and I''m still left un-engaged. Sorry for the the babbling and maybe a little bit of incoherence. That''s my update in a nutshell.
-bluebubbles
bee*
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 14, 2006
- Messages
- 12,169
I think that you are definitely doing the right thing by keeping busy and occupying yourself with other things and giving him until July before you sit down and have a chat again. I can understand being disappointed by thinking it was going to happen by the end of 07 and it not happening. Hopefully that March proposal will come, if not a bit sooner!
MoonWater
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2007
- Messages
- 3,158
Welcome back BB. It sounds like you've thought this through and you're ok with your current plan. I agree with bee*, keeping busy is definitely the way to go. I also know my proposal is coming and I just keep forcing it to the back of my head although at times I slip up and start talking about it (here doesn't count, thank god! haha). Being patient is VERY hard, but it will be awesome when it happens and the LIW forum is always here for support.
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