Now I really did it :((

[missy]

Thank you Jimmianne and also thanks for the journaling rec. Is that a bit like what I am doing now? Complete with gruesome pics of my leg X-rays, stitches, incisions, and all?

funny. yes, exactly. you are 'way ahead of me!
and the more gruesome the better

Then it should be no problem because I have gruesome covered LOL.

 

[missy]

Update about work:
Some of you may remember that a good friend of mine offered to fill in one day a week for me in the interim during the time I cannot return to work. So the chief administrator called me last night and said he is open to that idea and if necessary we have to get me to work in a wheelchair. Ha, if only but my dh says that is a good sign that he doesn't want to replace me (just yet at least).

So now he is waiting for my friend to call him so they can go over the details and he asked me to write her a letter of recommendation before she can start. Fingers crossed my friend is still willing to do this (because now that it is more of a reality she may be more wary) and that the chief of the clinic likes her and that it all works out.

When I woke up in the middle of the night last night I couldn't stop thinking about the various possibilities with this situation. If it all works out and my friend fills in for me for 5 or so months for a day a week I will still have quite the patient backlog but it might just work. Another possibility is that the clinic keeps her on when I return so more patients get to be seen in a more timely fashion. Not sure how much I love this idea because the clinic used to be mine exclusively but I would not begrudge her that opportunity and I knew it could be a possibility before I even approached the clinic chief. I want what is best for my patients so if that means both of us stay on I would be OK with that even if initially I felt funny about it.

And then the other possibility which I would be totally OK with is if I decide (for whatever reason and there are a few) not to return to work and my friend took over completely for me. If I don't return and she enjoys working there enough to leave one of her other jobs I would be very happy. It would me that she found this to be something she enjoys doing because it is one of the most challenging yet worthwhile jobs around IMO. She also very much dislikes her current job but for the fact she is an employee with benefits and at my job you are a consultant without any benefits (1099 tax return). However she could keep her main job and have mine part time so it could be a win win for her.

In any case I hope it works out and that she gets to work there and loves it. I already know my patients will love her. Fingers crossed it all works out. I want my patients covered and I also want the opportunity to return if I am physically capable of doing a good job. If I am no longer physically capable of working with my patient population then I would feel satisfied that my friend could do a good job and that they are taken care of.

 

[rosetta]

Hi missy, I haven't read the whole thread (I've been soooo busy) but it looks like you're making steady progress. I haven't looked at your gruesome pics but that necklace: I'll have one to go!


You're doing great, missy!

Edit: you have a very healthy attitude towards your work. I admire the way you're handling it

 

[missy]

Hi missy, I haven't read the whole thread (I've been soooo busy) but it looks like you're making steady progress. I haven't looked at your gruesome pics but that necklace: I'll have one to go!


You're doing great, missy!

Thank you rosetta. I'm happy life is keeping you engaged and productive and I hope you are also enjoying personal time with your dh and loved ones.
And anytime you want to borrow that necklace it's yours.

Thanks for checking in!

 

[MarionC]

Missy,

have you gotten any full body massages [with the exception of dear leg] since your accident? I was thinking how helpful they are for getting those endorphins going.
Even 10 or 15 minute chair massages get the whole system feeling good.
Sending love to your leg, which is healing and becoming stronger by the day so it can support you [in the style to which you are accustomed!] lol : )

 

[Calliecake]

Hi Missy, I hope you are having a good day and you were able to get some sleep last night. How are your exercises going? I hope your starting to feel more comfortable doing them. Has your pain been better. the past two days? How has your mood been? Do you have your list of questions for your doctors visit this week? Sorry for all the questions. I have missed checking in with you.

I'm sorry I've been kind of busy the past couple of days. We need to get a new roof due to the storms we recently had so I have been working with the insurance adjuster and contractors. Also someone hit my car in a parking lot, so I've been working on that as well. Can you believe I was looking at diamonds when it happened! I guess it wasn't such a bad thing because the insurance adjuster for the car was the one who told me I need to have my roof looked at.

I'm also sorry for my long post on your sunscreen thread.

I missed your update on this thread this morning. I'm off to read it now. Can't wait to read about your job.

 

[Calliecake]

Missy, It sounds like there are many possibilities with the job outcome. However, it certainly sounds like the chief administrator likes you and knows you are a good and valuable employee. If I were you it would give me peace of mind that my patients were being looked after properly. If your friend is anything like you, you know they are in good hands until you return. Now you can concentrate on getting well and wait and see how you feel once you are better. Everything will work out so try not to worry about the job right now. Who knows, you may not want to return to work.

 

[junebug17]

Hi missy! I've been meaning to respond sooner, but believe it or not, this jet lag or whatever it is is still affecting me and I still feel groggy and unfocused, so I haven't trusted myself to post much - I apologize in advance for any incoherence!

Unfortunately, my trip to China sounds more glamourous than it actually was! It was a short trip so I didn't have a chance to really adjust to the time change, and quite honestly I felt lousy almost the whole time I was there. I only averaged 4 hours a night, although on the last night I think I managed almost 6. My dh slept even worse than I did, and he had to attend business meetings, the poor guy! We were with a large group of people so lots of small talk and shmoozing, which I'm not very good at even when I'm feeling my best haha! I did get to take a tai chi class, and that was pretty cool. And I attended a hands-on Chinese cooking class, which was fun. I was pretty woozy during it, it's a miracle I didn't injure myself lol! I didn't really get to see many sights because I spent one day touring a plant that my husband oversees and we were only there for 3 full days. I did get a feel for the city and the surrounding area just by driving through it, and it was very interesting to get a glimpse into a different culture and way of life.

Speaking of sleep, I'm so sorry you are still struggling to get a good night's rest! I agree with others that not getting enough sleep is making it harder for you to cope with pain and anxiety, so I'm really hoping that as time goes by, you will adjust and get more comfortable at night so you can sleep on a more consistent basis. Please know I'm thinking of you! After experiencing sleep deprivation on this trip, I realize now more than ever that sleep really helps us to cope with what we are dealing with during the day. Thank goodness for coffee is all I can say lol!!! There was an expresso machine in our hotel room, and I ordered room service coffee and would add the expresso to it - didn't want my husband to get in trouble with his company, but he assured me it was ok so I indulged myself. I told him if anyone said anything to him I'd pay for it ha! It's really the only thing that got me through the trip!

A bit of positive news about your job! I know you love your job and your patients, I really hope things work out and you can return to it. I agree with your dh that so far the adminstrator's response is encouraging!

It's unfortunate the PT made that comment to you (I think it was a PT, sorry, I'm out of it and can't quite remember!)- I agree with you, I think she spoke without thinking and certainly didn't intend to upset you - you handled it well, but I can see where it still probably stung a bit for a second! Luckily you have the perfect attitude about it - The more time I spend on this earth, the more I realize that people just don't think before they speak.

And getting conflicting advice from the PT's - yeesh! Just what you don't need lol! Try not to worry too much (I know, easy for me to say, and this coming from a fellow worrier ha!) but everything will fall into place and you'll be able to figure out what you're supposed to be doing.

SO cute about Francesca! I'm sure the comfy blanket has something to do with it, but I'll bet she likes being close to you as well!

Again, sorry for the rambling post - just wanted to check in and let you know I'm thinking of you, and hoping very hard that you feel more comfortable very soon. You are doing great, and btw I think it's good that you have an occasional good cry, I think it can be very cleansing, and once in a while it feels good to just give into our feelings and not worry so much about being strong! Big big hugs to you!

 

[missy]

Missy,

have you gotten any full body massages [with the exception of dear leg] since your accident? I was thinking how helpful they are for getting those endorphins going.
Even 10 or 15 minute chair massages get the whole system feeling good.
Sending love to your leg, which is healing and becoming stronger by the day so it can support you [in the style to which you are accustomed!] lol : )

Hi Jimmianne, thanks for that recommendation. I am not generally a fan of massages. No matter how gentle I find them too rough. I guess I really am a delicate flower lol. But I am intrigued as you are right. Those endorphins can be very powerful and I am no longer getting them through exercise. I would be nervous about hurting my leg though traveling to a spa and all that entails. Maybe when I get a bit stronger. Thanks!

Hi Missy, I hope you are having a good day and you were able to get some sleep last night. How are your exercises going? I hope your starting to feel more comfortable doing them. Has your pain been better. the past two days? How has your mood been? Do you have your list of questions for your doctors visit this week? Sorry for all the questions. I have missed checking in with you.

I'm sorry I've been kind of busy the past couple of days. We need to get a new roof due to the storms we recently had so I have been working with the insurance adjuster and contractors. Also someone hit my car in a parking lot, so I've been working on that as well. Can you believe I was looking at diamonds when it happened! I guess it wasn't such a bad thing because the insurance adjuster for the car was the one who told me I need to have my roof looked at.

I'm also sorry for my long post on your sunscreen thread.

I missed your update on this thread this morning. I'm off to read it now. Can't wait to read about your job.

Callie, thank you for posting that on the sunscreen thread. I think it is so important to get all that information to every person possible yanno? Thank you for taking the time to post your heartfelt thoughts!

I am so sorry about your car accident and roof work. I hope no one was injured and everything else is just things and can be repaired. I know that hurts the pocketbook but I am relieved you and your loved ones are OK!

Exercises are going slowly. I am scared to hurt something, tear something or break something so you can imagine my emotions as I am doing any of the exercises. And Greg is quite annoyed with the PT who came to our home on Monday. I didn't go into details but he was more interested in making chit chat and showing me card tricks than actually showing me exercises. He kept saying there is not much I can do right now. Greg was at work and I don't want to sound like a child as I can certainly speak for myself but this guy was impossible to get focused on my PT! Seriously. I liked the woman who came on Sunday but I am not in her regular area and she was just filling in on that Sunday for someone who called out. So I am not sure of my next move but I am taking a break from thinking right now. Seeing the doctor tomorrow and seeing what he suggests for home exercises (if he has any suggestions) and I will take it from there. Thank you for asking and checking in with me as always. You are such a dear.

Missy, It sounds like there are many possibilities with the job outcome. However, it certainly sounds like the chief administrator likes you and knows you are a good and valuable employee. If I were you it would give me peace of mind that my patients were being looked after properly. If your friend is anything like you, you know they are in good hands until you return. Now you can concentrate on getting well and wait and see how you feel once you are better. Everything will work out so try not to worry about the job right now. Who knows, you may not want to return to work.

All very true and it does give me some peace of mind and that is very valuable to me at this time more than ever. Whether or not I decide to return to work or not at least I might have choices and that means a lot to me. Thanks for understanding.

 

[missy]

Hi missy! I've been meaning to respond sooner, but believe it or not, this jet lag or whatever it is is still affecting me and I still feel groggy and unfocused, so I haven't trusted myself to post much - I apologize in advance for any incoherence!

Unfortunately, my trip to China sounds more glamourous than it actually was! It was a short trip so I didn't have a chance to really adjust to the time change, and quite honestly I felt lousy almost the whole time I was there. I only averaged 4 hours a night, although on the last night I think I managed almost 6. My dh slept even worse than I did, and he had to attend business meetings, the poor guy! We were with a large group of people so lots of small talk and shmoozing, which I'm not very good at even when I'm feeling my best haha! I did get to take a tai chi class, and that was pretty cool. And I attended a hands-on Chinese cooking class, which was fun. I was pretty woozy during it, it's a miracle I didn't injure myself lol! I didn't really get to see many sights because I spent one day touring a plant that my husband oversees and we were only there for 3 full days. I did get a feel for the city and the surrounding area just by driving through it, and it was very interesting to get a glimpse into a different culture and way of life.

Speaking of sleep, I'm so sorry you are still struggling to get a good night's rest! I agree with others that not getting enough sleep is making it harder for you to cope with pain and anxiety, so I'm really hoping that as time goes by, you will adjust and get more comfortable at night so you can sleep on a more consistent basis. Please know I'm thinking of you! After experiencing sleep deprivation on this trip, I realize now more than ever that sleep really helps us to cope with what we are dealing with during the day. Thank goodness for coffee is all I can say lol!!! There was an expresso machine in our hotel room, and I ordered room service coffee and would add the expresso to it - didn't want my husband to get in trouble with his company, but he assured me it was ok so I indulged myself. I told him if anyone said anything to him I'd pay for it ha! It's really the only thing that got me through the trip!

A bit of positive news about your job! I know you love your job and your patients, I really hope things work out and you can return to it. I agree with your dh that so far the adminstrator's response is encouraging!

It's unfortunate the PT made that comment to you (I think it was a PT, sorry, I'm out of it and can't quite remember!)- I agree with you, I think she spoke without thinking and certainly didn't intend to upset you - you handled it well, but I can see where it still probably stung a bit for a second! Luckily you have the perfect attitude about it - The more time I spend on this earth, the more I realize that people just don't think before they speak.

And getting conflicting advice from the PT's - yeesh! Just what you don't need lol! Try not to worry too much (I know, easy for me to say, and this coming from a fellow worrier ha!) but everything will fall into place and you'll be able to figure out what you're supposed to be doing.

SO cute about Francesca! I'm sure the comfy blanket has something to do with it, but I'll bet she likes being close to you as well!

Again, sorry for the rambling post - just wanted to check in and let you know I'm thinking of you, and hoping very hard that you feel more comfortable very soon. You are doing great, and btw I think it's good that you have an occasional good cry, I think it can be very cleansing, and once in a while it feels good to just give into our feelings and not worry so much about being strong! Big big hugs to you!

Junebug! Welcome home and thank you for sharing some of your trip here! It sounds exhausting but fun and I am glad you got to try new things. I am sorry you and your dh didn't get enough sleep while there. I imagine if you were there longer that might have sorted itself out. Short trips that are far away are definitely more difficult to adapt to sleep wise. Sleep can make the biggest difference can't it? Thank goodness for strong coffee and yay for espresso. I have been known to enjoy a cup or 2 of that as well.

That tai chi class you took sounds like a lot of fun and same for the Chinese cooking class. I imagine it is very different from the Chinese food we have in America. I also love getting immersed in different cultures (or did when we were traveling more). It is so much more fun living it than reading about it.


Thank you so much for all your encouraging words Junebug. As always reading your posts cheer me up. Your sweet and kind nature comes through with every word. I hope you and your dh get much needed rest. Jet lag can take a very long time to fully recover from so make sure you take good care of yourselves!
(((Hugs))).

 

[azstonie]

Hi Missy:

I'm taking 90 days to rest, improve my diet, and swim/work my leg at the gym. At the 90-day mark I'm going to evaluate how I feel about things financially. Would working part time make me happier than not working at all? I don't know the answer to that question. I have a good-sized inventory of stones to be set, so part time work might be for those costs. now that I have time I'm going to get pics up on SMTB starting with the pear diamond/ring made. Time for me to sing for my supper here

My start in working life was as a musician and I'm ready to play for love and community rather than money now. Not knocking playing for money, it supported me for a good long time, it's just a different vibe.

How is the leg today? Are you talking to it yet? Tell it you still love it and everything is going to be alright!

 

[missy]

Hi Missy:

I'm taking 90 days to rest, improve my diet, and swim/work my leg at the gym. At the 90-day mark I'm going to evaluate how I feel about things financially. Would working part time make me happier than not working at all? I don't know the answer to that question. I have a good-sized inventory of stones to be set, so part time work might be for those costs. now that I have time I'm going to get pics up on SMTB starting with the pear diamond/ring made. Time for me to sing for my supper here

My start in working life was as a musician and I'm ready to play for love and community rather than money now. Not knocking playing for money, it supported me for a good long time, it's just a different vibe.

How is the leg today? Are you talking to it yet? Tell it you still love it and everything is going to be alright!

Azstonie, that sounds like a great plan and something along the lines of what I may consider when all is said and done depending on how I feel in 5 months or so. What instrument do you play? It is wonderful to be able to do things just because you enjoy and love doing it.

My leg is still giving me quite a bit of pain and I think part of it are the incisions being irritated by the boot. The boot is just not comfortable. I am going to ask my surgeon tomorrow what he thinks because I just don't feel it is fitting right and it is rubbing against my incisions despite the "sock" thing the boot guy gave me to put on before the boot. But I cannot say for sure what it is that is hurting. The areas that hurt are primarily my ankle and then the incisions (I think) and sometimes the calf. Oy vey lol. Do I sound about 100 y.o. yet hahaha.
Talking to my leg, that's something I haven't yet tried but I am game. I'll start right now. Dear leg, I love you, now get better darn it! Like that?

On a brighter note work just had a gorgeous bouquet of fruit delivered to me tonight. OMG the administration is usually so incredibly frugal that I am shocked. There are dark and light chocolate covered bananas, strawberries, honeydew, cantaloupe, kiwis, grapes etc and a lovely purple balloon. With a sweet note saying get well soon because everyone misses me. I am really touched. And surprised. Did I say surprised?

Enjoy your time azstonie. Every single moment. I am so happy for you to be living in the moment and just enjoying each and every day in good health. I hope to be joining you soon or at least by next year I hope.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

That fruit bouquet was a lovely and thoughtful gift! Just wanted to check in and say hello!

I think the Tiffany necklace is a great addition for you! I will be keeping my eyes open for other items for dreaming about!

I think the work arrangement sounds wonderful! Sounds like a win-win for everyone involved!

Take care, Missy. I know pain and lack of mobility is exhausting.

 

[marcy]

Hi Missy,

Sorry you had a rough night. Did you take an oxycodone again? I hope the pregnancy pillow helps tonight. Those boots are heavy so I hopefully you can find a position to sleep on your side that is comfortable for you. My husband loves his coffee too. His favorite is espresso – I don’t know how he falls asleep with all that caffeine.

You guys would pick up cribbage quickly – it’ll be fun! I played a lot of hearts at work and like it but I can’t get spades down very well. Bridge is something I’ve never tried. We like to play cards. My husband has poker nights so I am working on getting better at Texas Hold ‘Em.

I hope my sister adjusts, gets a prosthetic and ends up without pain as well. Modern medicine is amazing all right.

That is awesome to hear your boss is willing to have your friend help out for a while. I hope that all works out for you, your friend and your patients.

My poor husband just got off a 6-hour conference call. He had to eat his supper cold. I was hungry; I didn’t wait for him. I left a roast cooking in the crock pot – I love coming home to supper ready to eat.

Sleep well!
Marcy

 

[azstonie]

Haha, they gave me the stoopid stocking when I got the rash on the fractured leg. It fell right down to my ankle every time. Useless. So every time I was seated, I opened up the immobilizer. When I got up, I strapped it back on. The relief was immediate and the rash went away. When you go in ask to try on other boots/other sizes. They have them. If you have shown yourself to be a conservative recuperator they will be more apt to work with you on this. But seriously, tell them something has to give here, let's get on this.

What a pretty arrangement from the management. They are probably discovering you did the work of two!!! And that your patients love you

It's a lot of time on your hands. I did some needed 'inside' work on myself. Being able to quit my job has been the culmination of it all.

My BM is in clarinet performance, but my 'skill' was I also play bass clarinet, e-flat clarinet (the tiny o n e), flute, alto & tenor sax. So I did a lot of recording and pit work. Lot of top-40 when I was young and looked the part. Jazz. My goal was to play clarinet in a symphony. I did some of that, but the majority of work w a s in the studios.

Well enough about moi, glad you are using this interruption in your usual/usual to look forward.

 

[missy]

That fruit bouquet was a lovely and thoughtful gift! Just wanted to check in and say hello!

I think the Tiffany necklace is a great addition for you! I will be keeping my eyes open for other items for dreaming about!

I think the work arrangement sounds wonderful! Sounds like a win-win for everyone involved!

Take care, Missy. I know pain and lack of mobility is exhausting.

Thank you DiamondSeeker. You're so right. The pain in combination with not being able to move is incredibly challenging. Of course on the positive side I thought being bored would be a big problem for me but because of the pain I have hardly had time to be bored. LOL. I know better times are ahead.

And please do keep an eye out for any especially beautiful jewelry...it would be nice for bling to invade my weird dreams I am having these days.

Hope you are enjoying your gorgeous DBTY!

Hi Missy,

Sorry you had a rough night. Did you take an oxycodone again? I hope the pregnancy pillow helps tonight. Those boots are heavy so I hopefully you can find a position to sleep on your side that is comfortable for you. My husband loves his coffee too. His favorite is espresso – I don’t know how he falls asleep with all that caffeine.

You guys would pick up cribbage quickly – it’ll be fun! I played a lot of hearts at work and like it but I can’t get spades down very well. Bridge is something I’ve never tried. We like to play cards. My husband has poker nights so I am working on getting better at Texas Hold ‘Em.

I hope my sister adjusts, gets a prosthetic and ends up without pain as well. Modern medicine is amazing all right.

That is awesome to hear your boss is willing to have your friend help out for a while. I hope that all works out for you, your friend and your patients.

My poor husband just got off a 6-hour conference call. He had to eat his supper cold. I was hungry; I didn’t wait for him. I left a roast cooking in the crock pot – I love coming home to supper ready to eat.

Sleep well!
Marcy

Hi Marcy, I didn't take an oxycodone the night (or last night) before. I just don't want to get dependent on them. I am taking them much more than I thought I would have to and well if I am not in a lot of pain I just want to tough it out. Seeing the doctor this morning so we shall see how many pills they write for me for the next month because my next appointment after today is August 27th.

Please keep me posted on your sister's progress. I hope she recovers fully and this becomes but a distant surreal memory for her. And I hope your dh doesn't have many more 6 hour conference calls or at least if he does they don't interfere with his warm dinner next time!

My friend is calling the chief administrator sometime today so fingers crossed they come to a mutual agreement. She is getting nervous because she has never worked with the DD population before and I am trying to ease her concerns.

Haha, they gave me the stoopid stocking when I got the rash on the fractured leg. It fell right down to my ankle every time. Useless. So every time I was seated, I opened up the immobilizer. When I got up, I strapped it back on. The relief was immediate and the rash went away. When you go in ask to try on other boots/other sizes. They have them. If you have shown yourself to be a conservative recuperator they will be more apt to work with you on this. But seriously, tell them something has to give here, let's get on this.

What a pretty arrangement from the management. They are probably discovering you did the work of two!!! And that your patients love you

It's a lot of time on your hands. I did some needed 'inside' work on myself. Being able to quit my job has been the culmination of it all.

My BM is in clarinet performance, but my 'skill' was I also play bass clarinet, e-flat clarinet (the tiny o n e), flute, alto & tenor sax. So I did a lot of recording and pit work. Lot of top-40 when I was young and looked the part. Jazz. My goal was to play clarinet in a symphony. I did some of that, but the majority of work w a s in the studios.

Well enough about moi, glad you are using this interruption in your usual/usual to look forward.

Azstonie, I am so pleased you are getting to enjoy this now. And wow on how many instruments you play. Very impressive! Exciting that you did recording and pit work too. Music is amazing and I am in awe of those who are truly passionate about creating it. Please feel free to chat about this anytime. I love hearing about others passions and am rather tired about chatting about me and my health issues all the time this whole year. Believe me it is a very welcome diversion to hear about the good in others lives.

Thank you about that info about the boot and stocking. I will see if the doctor/PA/Boot person (don't know his title) can help me find something that either fits better or can go between the boot and my foot more comfortably. Would a soft cotton sock be out? Also, and I am going to try to remember to ask my doctor but does the boot have to be snug? I have been keeping it loose because it is so uncomfortable when it fits snugly. I just don't want to do any damage while hopping with it. I mean it feels like it is putting weight on my leg (i.e. weight bearing) when I am hopping along and I know that cannot be good but even when it is snug it feels that way. Except when it fits snugly it also causes a lot more pain.

And I agree completely about time on one's hands can help one realize goals in life and clarify issues. This has definitely put things in a clearer perspective than ever before and that is why I am not making any final decisions about work or anything else at this time. Being in this condition makes work and other issues seem so trivial and meaningless in one way though I know the work I do is far from that. It's just I have been doing this for 25 years (this past May) though only 13 at my current job and I just don't know where my head will be at after the majority of my recovery is complete.

I am taking it all one day at a time and seeing how I feel after the 5 or so months are finished. I did love my "old" (before the accident and health issues) life but not sure if there will be a "new" normal to get used to after all is said and done. And if so I might need to make some major changes. But right now I cannot think about anything so far ahead and just need to deal with the here and now. Thanks for helping me do that!

 

[JewelFreak]

Missy, I'm so sorry you're still having pain issues! That just doesn't seem fair. I hope your dr. has some suggestions about the boot that will finally give you some relief. If you're not happy with the PT guy, don't hesitate to say so to the doc or the agency or whoever. He sounds like he won't do you a heck of a lot of good, which is frustrating & a waste of time. How annoying that every single thing needs to be ironed out!

I've been thinking about your job the last few days, must be ESP. They surely do value you -- agreeing to have your friend fill in, and sending you such a fabulous basket of fruit. Makes my mouth water! That should make you feel really good, since you originally feared they would get somebody else immediately. Keep faith in yourself -- you're worth a lot!

This is a cliché but they get to be that way because they're so true: sometimes what seems like the worst catastrophe possible turns out to have a sterling silver lining. Now you know they really like your skills & you personally. You also have time to consider what you want to do. Your career is far from over, whatever you decide about this particular job. Zillions of people end up feeling that, but for an event they thought was The End, they would never have seen such-&-such an opportunity that made them much happier. You never know! You have plenty of time to roll it over in your head -- I often put "do I this or that?" type questions on the back burner of my brain & eventually, voilà! my subconscious presents me with the answer. Less stress that way & the decision is right!

I'll stop rambling. Chin up & I'm sending a big packet of dust that they fix your ongoing pain, once & for all!

Much love!

--- Laurie

 

[Calliecake]

Hi Missy, I hope everything goes well with your doctors appointment today. I will be interested to hear why you received the conflicting information from the physical therapist and what the doctor recommends. Hopefully he can give you some insight as to when your pain will become more manageable. Just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you this morning.

What a wonderful surprise you received from the company you work for. The arrangement looks delicious.

 

[missy]

Missy, I'm so sorry you're still having pain issues! That just doesn't seem fair. I hope your dr. has some suggestions about the boot that will finally give you some relief. If you're not happy with the PT guy, don't hesitate to say so to the doc or the agency or whoever. He sounds like he won't do you a heck of a lot of good, which is frustrating & a waste of time. How annoying that every single thing needs to be ironed out!

I've been thinking about your job the last few days, must be ESP. They surely do value you -- agreeing to have your friend fill in, and sending you such a fabulous basket of fruit. Makes my mouth water! That should make you feel really good, since you originally feared they would get somebody else immediately. Keep faith in yourself -- you're worth a lot!

This is a cliché but they get to be that way because they're so true: sometimes what seems like the worst catastrophe possible turns out to have a sterling silver lining. Now you know they really like your skills & you personally. You also have time to consider what you want to do. Your career is far from over, whatever you decide about this particular job. Zillions of people end up feeling that, but for an event they thought was The End, they would never have seen such-&-such an opportunity that made them much happier. You never know! You have plenty of time to roll it over in your head -- I often put "do I this or that?" type questions on the back burner of my brain & eventually, voilà! my subconscious presents me with the answer. Less stress that way & the decision is right!

I'll stop rambling. Chin up & I'm sending a big packet of dust that they fix your ongoing pain, once & for all!

Much love!

--- Laurie

Thank you Laurie. The doctor and PA and my dh all decided getting home PT is a waste. I am going to do what I can on my own and maybe start outpatient PT soon. I don't know. I am a bit confused as to what was determined truthfully. Not sure how I can go out to do PT right now. The PA also said I could do pool therapy in 2 weeks. Not sure how that will be possible either because my stitches were just removed today and well the area looks very vulnerable to infection so hoping 2 weeks is enough time for healing. Why am I so darn confused all the time these days ugh.

Anyway I know it doesn't sound like it but I am in decent spirits right now. Next appt in a month and I can call the office if I need clearing up of any PT info. I need a PT rx if I am going outside for it anyway. PA gave me aqua PT rx but not regular PT rx. LOL. And believe it or not Greg was with me so not just confusing for mere patients. You hit the nail on the proverbial head. It is that every little thing needs to be ironed out. It makes everything seem insurmountable at times.

Thank you for all your encouragement. You always say the right thing. You have a gift for making others feel better and it means a lot. It does not sound cliche. There's a lot of truth in that. And I have time to decide what I want to do after. I know I have repeated this ad nauseam but I am doing it in order to internalize the mantra one day at a time. Otherwise it really does seem overwhelming.

My chin is up as per your instructions and thank you for all the anti-pain dust!

 

[missy]

Hi Missy, I hope everything goes well with your doctors appointment today. I will be interested to hear why you received the conflicting information from the physical therapist and what the doctor recommends. Hopefully he can give you some insight as to when your pain will become more manageable. Just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you this morning.

What a wonderful surprise you received from the company you work for. The arrangement looks delicious.

Hi Callie, the PA straightened the PT exercises out for me. As long as I am not putting my body weight on my leg I am OK to do those exercises. So leg lifts with the boot are OK. He wants me to prevent the other muscles (i.e. quads) from atrophying so I need to start doing these exercises. And it looks. at least for now, I am doing them by myself. Hope I am doing them correctly. I was hoping for someone here to guide me but you know that old saying. If you want something done right gotta do it yourself. LOL isn't that always the way.

And the edible arrangement is delicious. It is very thoughtful of them (and so unlike them truly) and the fact they thought enough to send it means a lot to me.

 

[JewelFreak]

Glad to hear you got some instructions on the PT, Missy, even if they're a big confusing. At least with leg lifts you feel like you're doing something, which helps the outlook a lot. As long as we feel like we're contributing to our recovery, things look a little better.

Btw, we're bringing our feral kitty inside on Monday. Vet appt. early -- I hope we can cram her into a crate; if she wiggles away, she's too smart to give us another chance. I want to make sure she's healthy, get her wormed & a flea treatment, then we'll bring her home & settle her in the guest room while she adjusts to being indoors for the 1st time & gradually gets acquainted with Joe Don, my already-here cat. I feel sorry for her -- from her point of view, though she's dying to hang out with us, she doesn't know what "inside" really means & that she won't get outside again. Getting used to being cooped up -- especially at first in one room -- will be stressful and she isn't familiar with house noises like dishes & pans rattling, tv, Charlie barking, people pounding up & down stairs, all that stuff. We'll help her with lots of love, though.

I spent yesterday assembling a monstrosity of a cat condo -- everything you can think of on it & it's taller than I am. Put it in front of the window so she can look out on her old stomping grounds. The Palace of cat residences!

She has lately been spending much time in the windowbox under our kitchen bay window, which is empty this year. From there she can watch us & she and Joe Don ogle each other -- good that they are each aware of the other one.




She's a sweet, cute little soul. Hope she doesn't freak out at the vet. I've done this many times before but never with a totally feral one. Beginning of a new adventure!

--- Laurie

 

[Calliecake]

Hi Missy, I hope everything goes well with your doctors appointment today. I will be interested to hear why you received the conflicting information from the physical therapist and what the doctor recommends. Hopefully he can give you some insight as to when your pain will become more manageable. Just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you this morning.

What a wonderful surprise you received from the company you work for. The arrangement looks delicious.

Hi Callie, the PA straightened the PT exercises out for me. As long as I am not putting my body weight on my leg I am OK to do those exercises. So leg lifts with the boot are OK. He wants me to prevent the other muscles (i.e. quads) from atrophying so I need to start doing these exercises. And it looks. at least for now, I am doing them by myself. Hope I am doing them correctly. I was hoping for someone here to guide me but you know that old saying. If you want something done right gotta do it yourself. LOL isn't that always the way.

And the edible arrangement is delicious. It is very thoughtful of them (and so unlike them truly) and the fact they thought enough to send it means a lot to me.

hi Missy, I'm glad the doctors appointment went well. Your comment that you hope you are doing the exercises correctly is making me a little concerned. Why would he not want a physical therapist watching over you the first few times you do them? It's not as though you have been through this in the past. It's all new to you and I think he'd want you to feel comfortable with how you are doing the exercises. Are they pretty simple and basic exercises?

 

[missy]

Laurie Thank you for the update on the feral kitty. I was thinking about her but hesitant to ask just in case it didn't work out. Beautiful cat. She wants to be part of your wonderful family and that makes her smart too!

From my one and only experience at trapping a feral be prepared. She might freak out but don't let it upset you too much. It will be worth it for her in the end. A bit of trauma for a lifetime of food, shelter, love and happiness. No brainer.

It will take time for her to adapt but you are giving her a chance at a long and happy life. It just might take her some time to realize that but by then she will be an ecstatic purrbaby!

Good luck. I hope it goes well!


Hi Callie, that's what I thought too. That the PT should go over the exercises with me. Anyway I spoke to the therapist today via phone and according to him they are still waiting for approval for more sessions from my insurance company. So I don't have anything set up till that happens and I am still doing what I can on my own. The exercises are fairly straightforward (he gave me a piece of paper with pictures lol) but I would like someone who knows the right way to do them checking me as I am doing them initially.

I am in a lot of pain right now and just took another 5 mg Oxycodone and 1000 mg Tylenol. I hope it kicks in soon. I might have waited too long. It's just the PA wants me to wean off the meds so I tried not taking anything today. He did write me an Rx for 90 more pills though.
Weaning off the meds when you are in pain is not easy (but easy for the PA to say)!

 

[Calliecake]

I'm with you on the whole physical therapist thing. Can you wait and do the exercises when Greg is at home? Especially the first few times you do them. I just think it crazy to show you pictures and send you on your merry way. A video I might understand, but pictures?


Is Oxycodone a lot stronger than extra strength Vicodine? I've taken that for surgeries and migraine and to be honest I was still In a lot of pain. I just didn't care as much. If that makes sense. It just took the edge off. Your operation and injury are a thousand times worse. I don't know how you would function without the meds. You're still in so much pain with them. I'm sure you can tell as soon as they start to wear off.

You are such a trooper Missy!!!!

 

[marcy]

Hi Missy, I do the same thing on toughing it out on pain meds too. They tend to make me sick. Did your doctor give you a prescription for some of that Voltaren gel?

My husband was ready to eat when I got home today. We went out for supper then took a brief walk when we got home. There is a lot of new construction by our house so we went out and looked at what they’ve done so far.

Thanks for the well wishes for my sister. I think it will be tough for her.

That is great you don’t need to see the doctor for a month – he thinks you are doing good! I am sure you’ll get your PT figured out. Now that your stitches are out you will your incision will heal and you’ll be swimming in no time.

I am glad to hear you got your PT exercises got clarified for you. What a hassle to wait for your insurance before they determine what PT sessions you can have but using their exercise sheet will get you started.

I hope you sleep well tonight. Lots of pain free dust coming your way.

Marcy

 

[missy]

I'm with you on the whole physical therapist thing. Can you wait and do the exercises when Greg is at home? Especially the first few times you do them. I just think it crazy to show you pictures and send you on your merry way. A video I might understand, but pictures?


Is Oxycodone a lot stronger than extra strength Vicodine? I've taken that for surgeries and migraine and to be honest I was still In a lot of pain. I just didn't care as much. If that makes sense. It just took the edge off. Your operation and injury are a thousand times worse. I don't know how you would function without the meds. You're still in so much pain with them. I'm sure you can tell as soon as they start to wear off.

You are such a trooper Missy!!!!

Hi Callie, As you know they are both narcotic pain killers and I *think* Oxycodone is a bit stronger the Hydrocodone (Vicodin) but some people respond better to Hydro and some to Oxy. it just depends as they have a different chemical makeup.

I tried both and not sure there is a difference for me. I started out with Hydrocodone and Tylenol (contained in vicodin, lortab, norco) for the first few days and when I went for the 2nd opinion the new surgeon wrote me an Rx for Oxycodone (contained in percocet, roxicodone, oxycontin) and I continued taking Tylenol separately as needed instead of it being all in one. I prefer that as I don't always take the Tylenol whereas with the Hydro prep it was contained all in one pill so I had no choice.

Oxy is a schedule II controlled substance and Hydro is a schedule III and that basically means that Oxy has greater abuse potential. I don't experience any kind of high from either drug so if it were not for the pain there would be no way I would be taking these. And as you wrote they just take the edge off and it seems to take at least an hour for me to get that pain relief which I think is longer than the normal response. But we all know I am not normal lol.

How are you doing with your migraines? I am so sorry you suffer from this. I have no personal experience but some of my friends deal with migraines and it can set them back for days. I hope yours are gone or at least well under control now!

 

[missy]

Hi Missy, I do the same thing on toughing it out on pain meds too. They tend to make me sick. Did your doctor give you a prescription for some of that Voltaren gel?

My husband was ready to eat when I got home today. We went out for supper then took a brief walk when we got home. There is a lot of new construction by our house so we went out and looked at what they’ve done so far.

Thanks for the well wishes for my sister. I think it will be tough for her.

That is great you don’t need to see the doctor for a month – he thinks you are doing good! I am sure you’ll get your PT figured out. Now that your stitches are out you will your incision will heal and you’ll be swimming in no time.

I am glad to hear you got your PT exercises got clarified for you. What a hassle to wait for your insurance before they determine what PT sessions you can have but using their exercise sheet will get you started.

I hope you sleep well tonight. Lots of pain free dust coming your way.

Marcy

Hi there Marcy, I slept OK thanks for asking. I ended up taking 2 oxycodones before bed though as the first pill did nothing for the pain and an hour later before bed I took the second. I got slightly nauseous so then I had to pop an anti nausea pill. I feel like such a pill popper these days.
But Greg lectured me on waiting too long and that's why it was hard to get the pain under control last night. I just want to tough it out though as I feel my pain should be much less than it is...and plus the PA wanted me to try weaning off the meds so that's why I waited to take it last night.

A small part of me feels the plates are just not holding up but I know that is my "crazy" talking so I am going to just block that from my mind. It's just the pain is not unlike when I first broke my leg so you start to have doubts. I mean healing pain should feel differently than broken bone pain right? I should have insisted the doctor take an X-ray yesterday but when I asked about potential of broken plates the PA dismissed that saying in all his career only one person broke their plates in their leg and that was because they walked on their leg immediately after surgery. Sigh. I just have to quiet the crazy in my head or I am going to drive my dh bonkers and everyone else around me nuts too!

I asked the PA about Voltaren gel and he said it is a good med but not for me right now because 1. I am still on Oxy and he doesn't want me on both and 2. My pain is too generalized right now and I would need to soak my whole leg in it to get relief. So Voltaren gel is on hold for down the road...Part of me wanted to debate the merits of waiting but part of me (deeply ingrained still to this day despite all I went through this winter with doctors and their poor judgment IMO but they were different doctors than my orthopedic surgeon and PA) wants to be able to trust in my healthcare professionals. Plus I am feeling vulnerable and exhausted and too drained to put up much of a fight these days if you kwim.

I am looking forward to a visit from a friend this afternoon and she is so much fun and has a lot of good energy so I know it will be a lovely afternoon with her visiting. I remember being 29 (barely) and I had a lot of energy too those days haha.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I understand what your PA is saying about the pain meds but weaning doesn't mean going cold turkey! I am sure your pain is still significant enough to warrant the use of something. Hubby is right - once the pain gets out of control it's hard to rein it in so you still end up taking something so what's the point? I almost think I would call her back and tell her what it's like using nothing and ask her what type of schedule/meds she would recommend. I just don't think nothing is doable at this point - there has to be some happy medium in terms of schedule/dosing. I personally think the stress of pain impacts the healing process. The more pain you have the more anxious you seem to become in terms of the healing, the surgical procedure, etc. It is all understandable but doesn't sound like a place I'd like to find my patient if I were a doctor.

The good news is that they still seemed pleased with the surgical outcome and your progress. I'm sure it is much slower than you'd like to see but I think in the grand scheme of things, you're doing much better. I'd just try to pin those folks down about the meds and PT. Getting conflicting answers just makes you feel conflicted and not as confident in the outcome. Your recovery will be a long road but you need to have some high points along the way to build your own confidence. Just seems like they are coming at you from all directions and you'd probably do better with a plan.

Hang in there - I know you are doing the best you can with the limitations you have. Just trust that it will all come together one day and this will be a distant, albeit bad, memory!

 

[missy]

I understand what your PA is saying about the pain meds but weaning doesn't mean going cold turkey! I am sure your pain is still significant enough to warrant the use of something. Hubby is right - once the pain gets out of control it's hard to rein it in so you still end up taking something so what's the point? I almost think I would call her back and tell her what it's like using nothing and ask her what type of schedule/meds she would recommend. I just don't think nothing is doable at this point - there has to be some happy medium in terms of schedule/dosing. I personally think the stress of pain impacts the healing process. The more pain you have the more anxious you seem to become in terms of the healing, the surgical procedure, etc. It is all understandable but doesn't sound like a place I'd like to find my patient if I were a doctor.

The good news is that they still seemed pleased with the surgical outcome and your progress. I'm sure it is much slower than you'd like to see but I think in the grand scheme of things, you're doing much better. I'd just try to pin those folks down about the meds and PT. Getting conflicting answers just makes you feel conflicted and not as confident in the outcome. Your recovery will be a long road but you need to have some high points along the way to build your own confidence. Just seems like they are coming at you from all directions and you'd probably do better with a plan.

Hang in there - I know you are doing the best you can with the limitations you have. Just trust that it will all come together one day and this will be a distant, albeit bad, memory!

Thanks MissGotRocks. That makes sense of course. I really haven't been taking more than 3-4 pills a day and the Rx written allows me to take a max of 12 pills a day. That is only for worse case scenario though and when I was in the hospital I was allowed a max of 18 pills a day. In the grand scheme of things I know 3-4 pills a day is not bad. And when you ask for guidance they answer very vaguely. Both the PA and the surgeon. So I just need to use my common sense and the pain I am experiencing as a guide. It's not a perfect science and I am navigating as best I can. I do wish I could get black and white answers but they don't exist. I prefer absolutes but as most of life there really aren't many absolutes.

The last 2 visits (surgery was July 7th and then I had 2 follow ups-July 24 and 31) were just to remove all the stitches, remove the cast, replace it with a boot and visually look at the incisions. No X-rays or any other evals were done at either visit. So part of me feels what do they really know at this point.

You are right in that it takes a long time to heal and so that's the reason they aren't doing X-rays now until Aug 27th but a small part of me is concerned as to what is happening inside my leg. Is it going according to plan? I sure hope so.

As you probably realize by reading my posts over the years I don't do well with the unknown and not being in control so the joke's on me because I have no choice now. But I am often posting here when I am feeling at my worst and I apologize because I don't want to be such a pain in the arse to everyone here who is kind enough to be reading my thread and helping me through. It's just helpful for me to vent here and also get your advice, thoughts and wisdom of your experience. And it usually helps me get back to center if you kwim.

So unless there are any (bad) changes from my status quo as of now I will continue plugging along, one day at a time, seeing how it goes. I am not against contacting the office need be but the only days they are in the clinic (and not the OR) are Wed and Thurs mornings and the PA is off Fridays. I got that info yesterday from Andrew who is my surgeon's PA and the person I usually ask most of my questions to and who writes my Rx's.

It's a nice set up they have...the surgeon concentrates on what he does best which is surgery (hopefully he excelled when he did mine LOL) and the PA handles the fall out haha. Seriously though the surgeon seems like a good guy who knows his stuff (as does Andrew) and he is willing to answer any questions Andrew cannot.

And as you so wisely write, I am so looking forward to the day this is all a distant bad memory and perhaps one I will be able to laugh about in the future. My biggest fear is not being able to have a similar quality of life after vs before but I am hoping and praying that will be an unfounded concern and that after time I will be free and enjoying the same activities with my dh again. The joy I got from cycling was the freedom of gliding along with the wind in my face and the smell of the ocean. It felt like flying and was heaven on earth to me. So it was a cruel twist of fate that I had this accident but I have made peace with it (my only real choice) and now of course I am hoping for the best possible outcome.

Out of all this bad there is much good too and part of that is the support PSers continue to generously share with me. Thanks for being here for me MGR.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I understand what your PA is saying about the pain meds but weaning doesn't mean going cold turkey! I am sure your pain is still significant enough to warrant the use of something. Hubby is right - once the pain gets out of control it's hard to rein it in so you still end up taking something so what's the point? I almost think I would call her back and tell her what it's like using nothing and ask her what type of schedule/meds she would recommend. I just don't think nothing is doable at this point - there has to be some happy medium in terms of schedule/dosing. I personally think the stress of pain impacts the healing process. The more pain you have the more anxious you seem to become in terms of the healing, the surgical procedure, etc. It is all understandable but doesn't sound like a place I'd like to find my patient if I were a doctor.

The good news is that they still seemed pleased with the surgical outcome and your progress. I'm sure it is much slower than you'd like to see but I think in the grand scheme of things, you're doing much better. I'd just try to pin those folks down about the meds and PT. Getting conflicting answers just makes you feel conflicted and not as confident in the outcome. Your recovery will be a long road but you need to have some high points along the way to build your own confidence. Just seems like they are coming at you from all directions and you'd probably do better with a plan.

Hang in there - I know you are doing the best you can with the limitations you have. Just trust that it will all come together one day and this will be a distant, albeit bad, memory!

Thanks MissGotRocks. That makes sense of course. I really haven't been taking more than 3-4 pills a day and the Rx written allows me to take a max of 12 pills a day. That is only for worse case scenario though and when I was in the hospital I was allowed a max of 18 pills a day. In the grand scheme of things I know 3-4 pills a day is not bad. And when you ask for guidance they answer very vaguely. Both the PA and the surgeon. So I just need to use my common sense and the pain I am experiencing as a guide. It's not a perfect science and I am navigating as best I can. I do wish I could get black and white answers but they don't exist. I prefer absolutes but as most of life there really aren't many absolutes.

The last 2 visits (surgery was July 7th and then I had 2 follow ups-July 24 and 31) were just to remove all the stitches, remove the cast, replace it with a boot and visually look at the incisions. No X-rays or any other evals were done at either visit. So part of me feels what do they really know at this point.

You are right in that it takes a long time to heal and so that's the reason they aren't doing X-rays now until Aug 27th but a small part of me is concerned as to what is happening inside my leg. Is it going according to plan? I sure hope so.

As you probably realize by reading my posts over the years I don't do well with the unknown and not being in control so the joke's on me because I have no choice now. But I am often posting here when I am feeling at my worst and I apologize because I don't want to be such a pain in the arse to everyone here who is kind enough to be reading my thread and helping me through. It's just helpful for me to vent here and also get your advice, thoughts and wisdom of your experience. And it usually helps me get back to center if you kwim.

So unless there are any (bad) changes from my status quo as of now I will continue plugging along, one day at a time, seeing how it goes. I am not against contacting the office need be but the only days they are in the clinic (and not the OR) are Wed and Thurs mornings and the PA is off Fridays. I got that info yesterday from Andrew who is my surgeon's PA and the person I usually ask most of my questions to and who writes my Rx's.

It's a nice set up they have...the surgeon concentrates on what he does best which is surgery (hopefully he excelled when he did mine LOL) and the PA handles the fall out haha. Seriously though the surgeon seems like a good guy who knows his stuff (as does Andrew) and he is willing to answer any questions Andrew cannot.

And as you so wisely write, I am so looking forward to the day this is all a distant bad memory and perhaps one I will be able to laugh about in the future. My biggest fear is not being able to have a similar quality of life after vs before but I am hoping and praying that will be an unfounded concern and that after time I will be free and enjoying the same activities with my dh again. The joy I got from cycling was the freedom of gliding along with the wind in my face and the smell of the ocean. It felt like flying and was heaven on earth to me. So it was a cruel twist of fate that I had this accident but I have made peace with it (my only real choice) and now of course I am hoping for the best possible outcome.

Out of all this bad there is much good too and part of that is the support PSers continue to generously share with me. Thanks for being here for me MGR.

Missy, I have been anxious and a worry wart all my life. I so get it so I think that's why your anxiousness resonates with me. I can tell you, however, from all of my experiences that the things I worried about - the apparent ones and the ones I dug up with my mind running far ahead of me - never happened. It was the off the wall crap that always hit that I never dreamed about being a problem. In saying that, I try to hold on to those thoughts when life throws a curve ball. It is hard for control freaks like us to let go and let nature take its course but it truly is the only thing that makes sense. I read what you write and so feel for you as I've been there so many times. I too like concrete plans and courses of action but you're right - life usually doesn't work that way. I have made myself physically sick at times with worry and I know it changed nothing and try as we might, we cannot accurately predict the future. I'm older now and a bit wiser but there are still things and situations that can get me cranked up in a heartbeat. I just try to breathe deeply, pull from past experience and know that all things will pass. They may get better, they may get worse but whatever they are at the moment they will change.

I have to playfully laugh - and I sincerely mean that - about the no x-ray thing. I would look at it the very same way - how can they tell if they don't see inside? Truth is they are highly skilled and trained and know what they are looking for in terms of problems. If I've ever felt glossed over by a doctor, it generally turned out that they saw and knew all they needed to know at the time. It's just me wanting complete assurance that all is well IN MY OWN TERMS! Lol! If they could read our minds, they'd think we were bonkers!

Aside from the injury, I'd most want to take away the worry and fretting and anxiety over the healing for you. As a person reading this once removed, I feel confident that you are doing just as well as could be expected. Just try to refocus your thoughts on something pleasant rather than letting the doubt creep in. It's hard and believe me I understand the difficulty of it just about as well as anyone else ever could. I just know in my heart that it's pointless and counter productive in terms of your well being. For folks like us, time on our hands is a dangerous thing. Because you have no alternative to the down time, it's doubly hard for you. Books, friends, TV, crossword puzzles - anything to keep the mind occupied is your best friend right now. I feel for you and wish there was more I could do to comfort and reassure you but I know from my own experience, it's a place you have to learn to get to on your own. No one can teach it or preach it to you to make it different for you - it really comes from within. I envy those that are carefree but I've tried very hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm not one of them and I'll just have to deal with my own worries. I do - as do you - have other redeeming features so hopefully it all balances out in the end - lol!