Obsessing- how do you stop it???

[bobbin]

My BF and I have been together around 2.5 years. We have talked about marriage and both made it clear that we are committed to each other and want to get married some day. Both of us feel that marriage is not a necessary thing but that we want to do it to declare our commitment to each other and make our relationship ''official'' and that we want to get married before having kids.

Only in January I was thinking that I wasn''t ready to get engaged, I wanted to wait. But then almost suddenly (around February-March) I started to feel ready to get engaged (but with a long engagement). And then I became obsessing about it- obsessively reading blogs about getting engaged, reading as much as I could about celebrities getting engaged, discussing marriage more and more with him etc. I now think about it every day. It is annoying me. I don''t want to obsess over it. I have enough in my life to keep me busy without this distraction. I also don''t think that he will propose to me until at least next year sometime (judging by his comments, although he did try to propose to me one night when he was really drunk but I wouldn''t let him do it while he was drunk).

How do you ladies stop yourselves from obsessing?

 

[gwendolyn]

Distraction! Or obsessing over something else.

 

[that_someone_special]

I eventually saw that even though I want to MAKE HIM do it, I dont want to make him do it. He''ll do it when he feels right. We came to an agreement, a time frame. It wont be later than xx date. That helps me-- since I know roughly when it''ll happen and not wonder WHAT YEAR- IF EVER. hehe. Also, the less I talk about it, the more he talks about it. HMMMMM

good luck.

 

[claireabelle]

Isn''t it weird? It''s like suddenly something just clicks inside you. I''ve been with my BF for 6 years and he''s basically wanted to get married for the last 4 years - but I''ve never been ready and kept coming up with lame excuses when he raised the subject. Then SUDDENLY, out of nowhere in Feburary I decided I wanted to get engaged.....and NOW!!! It was so weird - the BF thought I had gone a bit mental. I have been obsessing over it ever since. The BF jumped at the sudden change of heart though, and promtly bought a diamond and orded a custom ring.... now I''m just waiting. Hopefully this year.

The suspense is crazy! I keep buying wedding mags and cruising websites at the wee hours of the morning. We''re all a bunch of suckers, aren''t we? HA!

Just try to distract yourself. Salsa dancing? Scuba diving? Knitting? haha

 

[Bia]

I don''t know if I have good advice to stop obsessing, because I do still, everday, AND if you''ve read a few of my posts, it got a little out of hand a few weeks ago.

I do think this web site is a good source to chat with other women in similar positions--especially those of us who are part of the real waiting game. It helps me to talk about it because I have decided to stop discussing it with the BF. When I need to vent, I do. When I need information, I can get it here.

Also, think about things your BF has said. He wants to marry you, as he already told you. So just tell yourself it will happen this, or next, year and that might calm your nerves.

I am just so impatient that not knowing anything about the whole ordeal is irritating me. But, thats life and I roll with the punches.

Good luck!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 4/30/2008 8:42:48 AM
Author: claireabelle

I keep buying wedding mags and cruising websites at the wee hours of the morning.

Simply put: I stopped doing things like the above. PS is the only website I look at that I would term wedding/engagement related.

I have two close friends who I confide in when I feel I need to vent about things but to try and curb that behavior: I stopped reading wedding websites. I stopped watching all the wedding shows on TV. I stopped watching proposal shows. I just stopped every single thing that was related to planning or preparing for a wedding.

When I finally have a reason to buy magazines and browse websites, it will be incredibly exciting instead of incredibly frustrating.

 

[Delster]

Date: 4/30/2008 8:42:48 AM
Author: claireabelle
Isn''t it weird? It''s like suddenly something just clicks inside you. I''ve been with my BF for 6 years and he''s basically wanted to get married for the last 4 years - but I''ve never been ready and kept coming up with lame excuses when he raised the subject. Then SUDDENLY, out of nowhere in Feburary I decided I wanted to get engaged.....and NOW!!! It was so weird - the BF thought I had gone a bit mental. I have been obsessing over it ever since. The BF jumped at the sudden change of heart though, and promtly bought a diamond and orded a custom ring.... now I''m just waiting. Hopefully this year.

The suspense is crazy! I keep buying wedding mags and cruising websites at the wee hours of the morning. We''re all a bunch of suckers, aren''t we? HA!

Just try to distract yourself. Salsa dancing? Scuba diving? Knitting? haha

Works for me!

I also agree with not looking at wedding planning websites / magazines etc. I can''t imagine those things help to curb the obsessing! I know it''s hard though

 

[Bia]

Delster: how long have you been knitting? I really want to try it but I am not crafty at all, so I am a little timid to go to a class where I will be the only one who can''t hold the needles right--I happen to know I can''t b/c I tried it already! >

I would love to be able to knit something--anything! Maybe something small for my BF''s new nephew (born last Thursday!)...like socks or a cute hat.

How long have you been at it? Love the scarves, they are gorgeous!

 

[Delster]

bia everyone learns in school over here so I'm not even sure! More than 20 years anyway

I didn't knit for years and years there in the middle and then I took it up again around about four years ago.

You should just go to a class, seriously! I promise you won't be the only one fumbling with the needles. There's no 'right' way to hold them anyway. Are you holding them like a knife? Lots of people do that, it's nothing to worry about! You just get into a groove that works for you and you'll be flying.

For the basics, I'd recommend Knitting Help. The videos are lovely and clear, with verbal instructions, and they do everything slowly and multiple times. I can't do Kitchener stitch without watching the videos on there first. There's loads of videos on YouTube too.

You could post in on the knitting thread too and see if anyone on there is near you and can recommend a good place to go and learn?

ETA - you know what would be a lovely baby present and so easy to knit? Buy a gorgeous knobbeldy chunky yarn in a neutral colour and knit a big square all in plain garter stitch on huuuuuge needles. Thread a ribbon through the edges if you want to jazz it up - it'll come out something like this!

 

[Bia]

That''s beautiful! It doesn''t look complicated either. Thank you so much Delster!

You''re right, I should just take a knitting class!!! What am I scared of anyway...

Thanks again. I''ll keep you posted...

 

[jitterymo]

I''m totally obsessed too...partly because I love party planning, so planning a wedding (for myself) is fun and entertaining, also my reasoning behind it all was "when the actually proposal comes, I''ll know exactly what I want for my wedding"...I even have lots of stuff for my wedding...like flower girl basket, ring bearer pillow, champagne glasses for us, cake knife, guest sign in book and pin, unity candle and many more things ( though I did get a lot from my dad because he used to sell all that stuff and most of it was sample stuff - but still the stuff is absolutely gorgeous!)

But I think that I''m going to take the advise of others and stop looking at wedding stuff and watching wedding/proposal shows on TV, before I go insane! I know that they will be more fun when I know that I have an actual wedding to plan for!!!

and good luck to you all who are in the same boat!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/30/2008 1:36:44 PM
Author: jitterymo
I'm totally obsessed too...partly because I love party planning, so planning a wedding (for myself) is fun and entertaining, also my reasoning behind it all was 'when the actually proposal comes, I'll know exactly what I want for my wedding'

Im the same. Love planning. I have a folder on my computer (hope the boyfriend never finds it) with dresses I like, hairstyles, flowers, table settings, cakes. lol. I know what colors I will want to use. I thought, well I will know what I want (this is supposed to justify my craziness.)

My problem though is that I KNOW Im not ready and I KNOW he is not ready, yet I can't stop obsessing. I guess I feel somewhere in between being not ready & ready. I've always thought about when Im married, weddings and rings, but I think it was about last May/June where it became more of an obsession than an interest. I think it started when I came across a beautiful wedding venue as well as falling in love with the Tiffany Novo.(never really knew what kind of ring I liked before then but always loved rings) It has grown since that point. (hence the folders on my computer.) I joined this place to help ease the obsession but it's still there. I even tried to stop all together thinking about everything. Stop looking at anything weddings. I even tried to avoid this place for a few days. I always feel a little guilty thinking about my future wedding when Im not even engaged. It's insane. I sometimes wonder that Im like this because I do know that I want to marry THIS guy and we have been together for many years. So I must think subconsciously that it's ok to look at all this stuff. Who knows, maybe last summer I had a realization of sorts that Im ALMOST ready (but not just quite yet) and that is why all of this has escalated. ?

He knows that Im like this though, and that's why I joined PS. I don't want him thinking Im crazy (which he already does lol) I tell him when he leaves me alone and Im online, that I end up 'Up to no good' and I think he knows that means looking at wedding stuff. lol I wish I knew how to stop obsessing. But I can't stop either. RATS!

Oh, and a worry of mine besides the guilt is that when it IS time to be engaged and get married, that I wont care or be interested or be bored with the idea because of how I am now. Almost like a song, if you keep listening to your favorite song over and over, you get tired of it. I don't want that to happen!!! I wished I could stop too.