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OPINIONS NEEDED!!! Options for unloading the E-ring from the EX....

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DiamondSmitten

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Dec 4, 2006
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Ok ladies and gents I need some input.

I met with the jeweler my engagement ring from the punk who kicked me into the dresser was purchased from. We discussed the following options for me unloading the ring.

Background:
The ring was originally 6900 for the asscher and 2200 for the setting.... 9100... 9737 total with tax

Option 1) He buys it back from me for 5000 outright

Option 2) My awesome BF and I pick a diamond from them at 7900 or more total and he takes my asscher out, gives me the setting to make a RHR out of at a later date and credits me for the ENTIRE 6900 originally spent on the stone. I would probably put a colored stone in the setting.

Option 3) They keep the ring on premises and lock it in the vault at night with everything else. I saturate the local craigslist (philly, south jersey, central jersey and delaware) with ads about the ring. They will show it to prospective buyers, verify quality of diamond setting etc... AND they are willing to finance it through the finance company they use OR let someone run a credit card there and give me the cash minus the actual processing cost of the CC or Credit application. I negotiate the price myself and get the profits ... they get nothing.

Option two allows me to lose no equity.... BUT the ex left me with a ton of HIS CC debt he hid from me and doesnt allow me to pay any of that back.... BUT would allow me to get a great ERING with the current BF

Option three sounds peachy... but its going to be so hard to sell it this way.

5000 would make a big dent in the debt...but its a 4737 loss on the original purchase.....


so ladies and gents.... what would YOU do??
 
1 or 3. Option 2 means that your crazy ex is responsible for a good bit of your current ering and to me, that's bad karma and crazy all rolled up into one crazy ball. Dont do it. Dont let your ex have anything to do with your new ering. If you're being offered 5k outright, that's more than you'd ever get selling it, IMO. Would 5k pay off your ex's debt?
 
Date: 5/6/2008 9:08:39 PM
Author: surfgirl
1 or 3. Option 2 means that your crazy ex is responsible for a good bit of your current ering and to me, that''s bad karma and crazy all rolled up into one crazy ball. Dont do it. Dont let your ex have anything to do with your new ering. If you''re being offered 5k outright, that''s more than you''d ever get selling it, IMO. Would 5k pay off your ex''s debt?
I completely agree with surfgirl. Further, I would take the $5k and be done with it.
 
I''m not sure which option I would choose, I just know I wouldn''t choose 2. I don''t believe in actual karma, but it would be a constant reminder of the ex and so it wouldn''t be a ''mind clean'' choice for me.
 
the ex left me 10000 in debt.... i have it down to 7000..... so 5000 would still leave me quite a bit in the hole
 
I''d take the $5k. Bird in hand.

You can definitely try option 3, but there''s no guarantee you''d get that much more.
 
Take the $5000, pay down the dept as much as you can, then start fresh and get a nice new stone from a great jewller (Whiteflash or GOG anyone??) and upgrade later to the dream ring! I wouldn''t want to look at my beautiful stone every day and think of my stinky ex!
 
I went back through some of your old posts to see what your ring looked like. It''s really nice by the way. So I''m going to ask a nosey question and obviously you don''t have to answer it. You were completely out of CC debt in Feb of 07 and you''d broken up and kicked the jerk out by Aug.
How did you end up carrying his credit card debt?

Good luck on the sale of your ring, and I vote for taking the $5K in cash.
 
I agree with Surfgirl. Plus, and I don''t mean to judge here, I just mean this with love. But you just got out of a very nasty relatioship. So take this new relationship slowly and enjoy the ride. There is no rush to get engaged again until you are positive you are making a great choice for you.
 
I''m going to echo a lot of people above ... options 1 & 3 sound great, option 2 would leave me, if it were me in the situation, feeling a little twinge of unpleasantness whenever I looked down at my hand. But, whichever option you choose, it sounds like you have a fantastic jeweler who''s going above and beyond to accommodate you: are both options on the table indefinitely? Let''s say you try selling it through the store, give up after 6 months of consignment, and decide that you want the $5000. Will it still be on the table? Alternately, can you trade it in for something other than an e-ring? I wouldn''t want an ex associated with an engagement ... but with a pair of gorgeous earrings, I might have fewer qualms.
 
I do my best to keep nothing that does not make me smile. In that situation personally, that ring while beautiful would not make me smile and would make me feel tied to the past. I would probably try to sell it if you feel that you have a very safe secure way to do that. It looks like a very unusual ring and if you got together your amazing photos of it you might have some interested potential buyers. That plus a witty ad might do the trick. If that didn''t work I would try to negotiate the 5000 offer to a bit higher (unless you already checked and there is no wiggle room). I would let it go one way or another though for sure-for closure.
 
Option 1. Is there any room to negotiate up from the $5000 offer from the jeweler? Could you tell them that you plan to be a repeat customer (only if you do) and you''d appreciate them giving you a better offer? My best advice is to get rid of ALL of the debt which is essentially baggage from a prior toxic relationship before you move on. Once that door is closed completely you will feel so much better. Oh and, good for you for getting rid of the abusive loser!
 
Date: 5/6/2008 9:32:39 PM
Author: sumbride
I''d take the $5k. Bird in hand.


You can definitely try option 3, but there''s no guarantee you''d get that much more.

Definitely. I would either take the $5k or try to negotiate for more. $2k in debt is a lot less than $7k in debt.

And I also want to echo neatfreak...take this relationship slowly and just enjoy it-there''s no need to rush. You just got out of a terrible relationship last year (and I''m so glad you did!) so make sure you''ve had time to recover from it. I hope that didn''t come off as too preachy, but I had to throw that out there.
 
Date: 5/7/2008 12:12:06 AM
Author: thing2of2
Date: 5/6/2008 9:32:39 PM
Author: sumbride
I''d take the $5k. Bird in hand.

You can definitely try option 3, but there''s no guarantee you''d get that much more.
Definitely. I would either take the $5k or try to negotiate for more. $2k in debt is a lot less than $7k in debt.

And I also want to echo neatfreak...take this relationship slowly and just enjoy it-there''s no need to rush. You just got out of a terrible relationship last year (and I''m so glad you did!) so make sure you''ve had time to recover from it. I hope that didn''t come off as too preachy, but I had to throw that out there.
Ditto!
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Definitely get rid of the ring completely and take the $5K. That way you''ll get the ex out of your head and wipe out some debt. Take the next relationship slow....and when you do get engaged the next time consider another shape....that way no reminders and a total fresh start! :-)
 
Take the 5k and be done with it.
 
I''m missing something here.

The ring is in YOUR possession-- not your new boyfriends or your ex. Your Ex (however it happened) left you with 7k in debt.

And you want to take the $ from this old ring to put toward a new engagement ring with your BF?

Forgive me, I am sure that there are women on here who for various reasons have paid or helped pay for their own rings. John and I have completely joined finances and have since before we were engaged so the arguement could be made that I helped pay for mine. BUT... those ladies AND I do not have the history YOU do. WHY ARE YOU PAYING FOR A NEW ENGAGEMENT RING??? YOU are the one in debt-- not your new boyfriend, who you have only been dating for a short time. YOUR credit is the one on the line. PAY DOWN THE DEBT, forget a new engagement ring! If your BF wants to get engaged to you... let him get you something within in the boundaries of HIS budget. OR, wait for a while to get engaged. What''s the rush, wait, pay down the ENTIRE debt, then if you want to help your new BF pay for your new ring... help him then.

But I just do not see why YOU would pay for a new engagement ring when your LAST (and recent) engagement left you with a man''s debt. Which wouldn''t have happened if you had protected yourself and frankly, had your eyes open in the first place and made sure to protect yourself from his bad financial management (you guys were living in your parent''s home buying big screen TV''s I remember this!)

Open your eyes hon. Take care of YOU first. Fix your credit. Fix your debt. If this is the right man for you a) he''ll be there in the future and you can get a ring then and b) he can get your something that he can afford-- whatever that is if you have to have something now.

2K is A LOT less debt than 7K. Take the 5k, get the ex and his ring out of your life. And rebuild YOUR OWN (independant) future before you worry about helping ANOTHER man out with HIS finances!!!
 
If it were me... getting rid of Old BF's debt would be my highest priority, and if selling the ring were the best option for doing that, I'd sell the ring (or the stone). If the debt were not an issue I would consider holding on to either the ring or the setting. Why let nasty ex (or his memory) force me to sell a beautiful piece of jewelry? I'm done being controlled by that jerk! I'd consider putting the ring in a safe for a year or two, and then see how I feel about the stone or the setting. However, using either the proceeds from this ring or any part of towards another engagement ring would be strictly off the table!
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BTW I know you didn't ask, but I can't help agreeing with Neatfreak... and Gypsy!
 
I''d take the 5k, and be done with it. Use it to pay down the debt. I also agree with Gypsy''s post.
 
Here is what I would do -- I''d choose option two, lose no equity, and then SELL the setting instead of using it as a right hand ring. That way you don''t lose a ton of $$$, and you can also earn a little cash from the setting.
 
Just to be clear.... i was presenting all the options available to me... the jeweler brought up the spend an extra 1000 and get crediit for all the money spent on the stone.....I did NOT say I needed this for my fab BF to get me a ring... he is more than capable of getting me an engagement right.... this was just an option presented by the jeweler

Yes the 5000 for the ring is still an option 6 months down the line if I can''t sell the ring for more myself.... I have this in writing from the jeweler


No the 5000 isnt negotiable......he said bc its not a frequently requested shape stone there is no way of knowing if he will be able to resell it etc...

FYI I am in my new relationship... EYES WIDE OPEN...... learning from my past and looking forward to my future..... I ask simply for financial and jewelry advice at this time despite past posts from a year ago ... I know its a public forum.... but there is no need to worry about my life decisions with my heart..... thank you for respecting that....
 
Option two, you put in $1000 and have 7900 to spend at this jewelers.

Option one, with that same 1000 bucks and the 5000 from the jeweler, you have 6000 to spend anywhere.

I''m guessing you would be able to get more for 6000 from one of the internet vendors recommended here than you can for 7900 from the B&M jeweler. So even though you end up with less money, its worth more spent elsewhere. If you look at it that way, by going with option one, you aren''t really taking a loss compared to option two, you''re just giving yourself more options of what to do with the money (and like everyone else, I vote pay down the debt).

I''d vote against option 3. I''m guessing you''ll end up having to put in a lot of time and effort and probably not make much more that the $5000 the jewelry store guy is offering you. Of course, if you want to try for a few months, you have nothing to lose.
 
Personally, I''d take option 1, let the jeweler buy it back, and have the money quickly. My BFF is going through a divorce, and I''m trying to help her sell her rings. It''s proving to be quite difficult, and there are a lot of people out there in the same predicament. I know if her jeweler had offered to buy her rings back, she would have jumped at the chance because she really needs the money right now.

Also, having lived through paying off my ex''s credit card debt after my divorce, I can attest that it''s such a wonderful and freeing feeling to be done with it! It took me nearly 3 years, but as soon as I was done, I did something terrific for myself - I bought my house!
 
Date: 5/7/2008 10:30:07 AM
Author: *Lindsey*
Here is what I would do -- I''d choose option two, lose no equity, and then SELL the setting instead of using it as a right hand ring. That way you don''t lose a ton of $$$, and you can also earn a little cash from the setting.

I second this. The setting was originally $2200 so you could get a fair amount for it I would guess then throw all that money at your debt.

I don''t know your whole situation but if it were me I''d talk to my SO. If I knew he was more than able to buy me a ring w/o the trade in I''d suggest that you do the trade and suggest that any money in his budget that he doesn''t use could be used to pay down the debt as well. Paying off old debts before you get married should be a top priority for both of you and I think this would get you the best of both worlds.

If that''s not an option then I vote for taking the 5K and paying down those debts and starting over on the e-ring.
 
Date: 5/8/2008 11:19:32 AM
Author: KCCutie
Date: 5/7/2008 10:30:07 AM
Author: *Lindsey*
Here is what I would do -- I''d choose option two, lose no equity, and then SELL the setting instead of using it as a right hand ring. That way you don''t lose a ton of $$$, and you can also earn a little cash from the setting.
I second this. The setting was originally $2200 so you could get a fair amount for it I would guess then throw all that money at your debt.
Ditto... especially because metal prices have gone up since your ring was purchased, it may not have ''depreciated'' as much as it would have a year ago, if you know what I mean.
 
Date: 5/7/2008 8:59:31 PM
Author: DiamondSmitten
Just to be clear.... i was presenting all the options available to me... the jeweler brought up the spend an extra 1000 and get crediit for all the money spent on the stone.....I did NOT say I needed this for my fab BF to get me a ring... he is more than capable of getting me an engagement right.... this was just an option presented by the jeweler


Yes the 5000 for the ring is still an option 6 months down the line if I can''t sell the ring for more myself.... I have this in writing from the jeweler



No the 5000 isnt negotiable......he said bc its not a frequently requested shape stone there is no way of knowing if he will be able to resell it etc...


FYI I am in my new relationship... EYES WIDE OPEN...... learning from my past and looking forward to my future..... I ask simply for financial and jewelry advice at this time despite past posts from a year ago ... I know its a public forum.... but there is no need to worry about my life decisions with my heart..... thank you for respecting that....



hi! this advice is worth what you paid for it. i would think twice about the $5000 offer. no one knows the future or where the economy is headed. if gas, food and housing continue as they have been that 5k offer may come off of the table. i would seriously consider taking the bird in the hand if i didn''t see some interest in a couple of weeks. i really don''t understand why this jeweler would even give an offer in writing since his needs and financial situation could change anytime like anyone else. good luck!
 
I''d take the 5k
 
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