Paging Phoenix

[Phoenix]

Phoenix,

I am straightforward person. She could have just said “you haven’t spent enough with me for a custom order” and I would not have been offended. That’s fair. But when I know so many people that have custom orders it’s different.

To me, it’s like the Hermes Birkin game. If you are upfront that you have a build a long client history to be offered the bag, then ok. But it’s like Hermes saying “we don’t make Birkins” it’s insulting. I think added onto the annoyance of getting the wrong piece….

I’m waiting to see what the customer service on phone says. She was nice. She said she would be in touch with a Chicago store and call me back about the special order. She said “of course we do them. It has to be on the list of orders we can make, I can’t place it myself but I will put you in contact with an SA that will”.

So I’m hopeful. I think if it doesn’t work out… He will try to contact the SA in Houston. But that was a long time ago.. 4 years? My husband buys randomly by walking into store. And the latest piece he created a new account online.

I haven’t been much into developing relationships with SA as I don’t think I buy a lot. I have noticed though that LV in Montreal (I have a long purchase history with them) is very good. And also the Chanel SA in Houston. But other then that… disappointing.

Getting a setting right is difficult especially if you are picky. It’s sounds like for this one, you’ve covered all the bases. Especially the spinning part. I didn’t know there was a solution. I think it’s perfect on you. Do you wear a wedding band?

My ring does spin… but it is too loose. I think I needed 3.75 full… or something, but I don’t tolerate “feeling” the ring on me.

That's too bad about the VCA SA. She's being short-sighed. Anyway, I am not even sure that you need a long purchase history to place a custom order.

My ring does not spin, thank God. That'd drive me bonkers. It's on the same annoyance scale as a pendant or necklace that flips. I haven't worn my wedding ring for many years. I don't stack rings or bracelets. I don't find it comfortable.

I know what you mean about "feeling" the ring. I want my jewellery to be super comfortable that I don't feel them on me when I wear them. I used to be a 3.75 but for some reason my fingers have become bigger, even though I am super skinny now (trying to put on weight, but that's another story).

How about if you do a size 4 so you wouldn't need it re-sized should your fingers, like mine, go up a little big.

 

[LLJsmom]

There was only 1 crime in the town I live in last year. There was 1 break in. That’s it. There’s literally nothing here except a giant hospital and people working for that hospital.


Lulu:

Current diameter with halo is 13 mm. The height of the setting is as low as possible. Leon will make same setting, it will be as low as possible; however the profile will be higher, because the stone is taller.

Thank you for the pic!!!! I think she’s able to pull it off.

LLJ
I cannot imagine having another home. We already own several. Both in Canada and in the US. There are 3 properties we have not even been to in the last year. One of the worst parts about 1:1 call is that I cannot be 30 minutes from the hospital. Nor can I go on vacation.

I don’t think there’s any deep psychological reason why my husband wants to buy an upgrade. He just wants to be able to get me something. There’s literally nothing on a wish list. He didn’t end up getting me a gift for Birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day this year, because I couldn’t think of anything I wanted. He knows the only thing I wear is my ring, so that’s why he is focused on that.

For context…. I didn’t get him anything for these occasions as well. I crocheted a stuffed turtle for Christmas which I’m sure is what every man wants



There’s literally nothing on a wish list. I don’t wear jewelry. My ears are not pierced. And I don’t wear pendants. I do have a few VCA bracelets but I don’t really wear them except for a single sweet Alhambra that I think is “good luck”.

Sounds like you’re set on your diamond size and wearing it everyday. And you’re not worried about crime, or losing it or damaging it or it intruding on your daily work routine. Alright. I’ll get on board. You’re not worried. No one else needs to be. I get it. Go big or go home! Enjoy whichever big bling you get. In fact, if you’re gonna just go big, you should get at least a 10 carat then. If your community of docs are going that big, it’s part of your lifestyle. And who knows. At that size people will start thinking it’s fake and you won’t have anything to worry about. Make sure you come back and share pics of whatever huge rock you end up with. I’m sure it will be a sight to see!

 

[Polabowla]

I don't often comment here anymore but I wanted to tag @Octave who has a large ring & bands to go with it.
Also @allycat0303 I don't think anyone here begrudges your large ring, I think ppl are worried that this is more about what your husband wants than your own true desires & are encouraging you to think about that.
Also your schedule sounds punishing, is there a way you can advocate for more hours off call?

 

[LLJsmom]

There was only 1 crime in the town I live in last year. There was 1 break in. That’s it. There’s literally nothing here except a giant hospital and people working for that hospital.


Lulu:

Current diameter with halo is 13 mm. The height of the setting is as low as possible. Leon will make same setting, it will be as low as possible; however the profile will be higher, because the stone is taller.

Thank you for the pic!!!! I think she’s able to pull it off.

LLJ
I cannot imagine having another home. We already own several. Both in Canada and in the US. There are 3 properties we have not even been to in the last year. One of the worst parts about 1:1 call is that I cannot be 30 minutes from the hospital. Nor can I go on vacation.

I don’t think there’s any deep psychological reason why my husband wants to buy an upgrade. He just wants to be able to get me something. There’s literally nothing on a wish list. He didn’t end up getting me a gift for Birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day this year, because I couldn’t think of anything I wanted. He knows the only thing I wear is my ring, so that’s why he is focused on that.

For context…. I didn’t get him anything for these occasions as well. I crocheted a stuffed turtle for Christmas which I’m sure is what every man wants



There’s literally nothing on a wish list. I don’t wear jewelry. My ears are not pierced. And I don’t wear pendants. I do have a few VCA bracelets but I don’t really wear them except for a single sweet Alhambra that I think is “good luck”.

I think some else asked or commented about your home or whatever. Wasn’t me. I don’t care and I don’t see how any of that is relevant. I’m just thinking about practicality issues, which you have made clear are not on your list of concerns. So do you. In fact go even bigger as I said previously. Go at least 12. I think that will get you closer to completely covering your finger without a halo right?

 

[LLJsmom]

Wait what about these? If you’re gonna go full statement ring…. From VCA’s high jewelry. I think these will accomplish your goal of finger coverage. Maybe they can use an even bigger center stone if your request it. However you will need to work with their design team because they are so particular with the design they are willing to put their stamp on.

 

[nala]

I hope that whatever you decide @allycat0303, that we are allowed to come along for the ride and live vicariously through you! Disposable income, especially hard-earned, should be spent on life’s indulgences and pleasures! Sounds like you have considered this splurge and are comfortable moving forward. I believe most of us on PS are all about “Wear what you love!” Hopefully you do and hopefully we get to see it!

 

[allycat0303]

That's too bad about the VCA SA. She's being short-sighed. Anyway, I am not even sure that you need a long purchase history to place a custom order.

My ring does not spin, thank God. That'd drive me bonkers. It's on the same annoyance scale as a pendant or necklace that flips. I haven't worn my wedding ring for many years. I don't stack rings or bracelets. I don't find it comfortable.

I know what you mean about "feeling" the ring. I want my jewellery to be super comfortable that I don't feel them on me when I wear them. I used to be a 3.75 but for some reason my fingers have become bigger, even though I am super skinny now (trying to put on weight, but that's another story).

How about if you do a size 4 so you wouldn't need it re-sized should your fingers, like mine, go up a little big.

Phoenix,

The SA that said they don’t do custom VCA called my husband and now said it is possible

So far have ordered a vintage and still waiting to see if the other two sweet bracelets can be made.

They haven’t said anything about refunding or replacing my lost bracelet… or shipping for the mistake bracelet… but at least there’s hope.

Leon has made my size written as 4.0 so his thought is 4.0 full would work. I get a lot of fat on sides as the summer progresses. Apparently he made the wedding band a 4.0 full and that fits well.

My fingers don’t follow my weight either. I’ve lost about 10 pounds this year (I’m 5’1) I dropped down to under 100… but seems fingers grew since last year. Maybe some strange water weight.

Thanks for all the advice and support!

 

[SandyK]

Whatever you get, we’re all going to be DYING to see it, haha

(And not that you asked but because I just can’t help myself, since you are going big I am also dying to see this rock in a killer LM solitaire rather than halo setting, just saying…..)

 

[finerthings]

I'm finding that the tone of this thread is becoming very judgemental unfortunately. @allycat0303 I hope you are not offended, and you get what you want - you deserve it!

 

[oncrutchesrightnow]

@allycat0303 OMG a stuffed turtle sounds awesome. Pic?

 

[Brigid]

I have just finished reading your thread, “5.07 in Leon Mege setting” and I was captivated by your utterly gorgeous ring and your lovely soulful transparent replies to PS participants.

You are amazing, It takes a very special person to do the work you do. My father was saved by a cardiac surgeon and we will be forever grateful to her.

My husband likes to spoil me which is lovely but occasionally difficult as his view is different to mine so I guide him.

Always be confident in you! What you want & what works for you. I’m looking forward to seeing your next beautiful diamond ring.

 

[allycat0303]

I'm finding that the tone of this thread is becoming very judgemental unfortunately. @allycat0303 I hope you are not offended, and you get what you want - you deserve it!

Finerthings: tone noted. There are more important things in life… and thank you for your kindness.

I have just finished reading your thread, “5.07 in Leon Mege setting” and I was captivated by your utterly gorgeous ring and your lovely soulful transparent replies to PS participants.

You are amazing, It takes a very special person to do the work you do. My father was saved by a cardiac surgeon and we will be forever grateful to her.

My husband likes to spoil me which is lovely but occasionally difficult as his view is different to mine so I guide him.

Always be confident in you! What you want & what works for you. I’m looking forward to seeing your next beautiful diamond ring.

I had a bad night. One where I feel ashamed and guilty. As I said early this morning “I feel like all I do is kill people”. It puts the discussion in perspective. I’m glad your husband is still with you. I’m glad that sometimes we do good work, because so many times… it’s just not enough.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[finerthings]

@allycat0303 I'm so sorry. Take care and try not to rehash it over and over. No one is perfect, and all you can do is your best - not every life can be saved. (((hugs)))

 

[yssie]

@allycat0303 If even one person got more quality time with his or her loved ones because of you, then that’s one soul whose peace you’re responsible for. Something I often remind myself of - I can’t make a difference for all the dogs and cats in the world but I can make a world of difference for one. That’s all any of us can do. Make a difference for one by one. And the ways most of us are capable of making that difference, they don’t hold a candle to the directness and urgency of what you do.

It’s easy to dismiss bling as silly or unimportant. Maybe it is. Or maybe it’s something that someone’s using as a sanity-saving lifeline. Or maybe to someone it’s a symbol of a relationship. Or… Maybe it’s silly and unimportant. Everyone’s different and none of us can know what someone else is thinking. What I personally do know is that I’ve seen you deprioritize your happiness and personal fulfillment in deference to others’ in the past and I - and I’m sure many others who’ve responded here - hope that you’ve come to value yourself more. You deserve to have your needs and wants take priority, you always have. Up to and including the bling you wear. Especially if that’s something that’s important or meaningful to you. Get the diamond *you* want most. Sounds like big rocks are the norm where you are. So that removes some of the social pressure - you’re in good company if it’s what *you* want. But don’t get and wear a giant rock if that’s not what you want.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I'm finding that the tone of this thread is becoming very judgemental unfortunately. @allycat0303 I hope you are not offended, and you get what you want - you deserve it!

It is not meant to be judgmental. She has no reason to be offended as she has been a long time member and we have been through a couple of journeys with her. She is a kind and caring person who can sometimes seem far more critical of herself than she ever should be. I think people are just trying to point out some obstacles with a very large diamond - particularly in her field of medicine. At the end of the day, it is and always has been her choice about which diamond she wears. Most of us probably feel that a diamond that large would be too large for us to manage, but if she acquires a larger diamond, we will be there to cheer her on!
Not certain of what other people are looking for when they post about the possibility of a
new piece of jewelry, but I want honesty. Doesn’t mean I have to take the advice and at the end of the day, I will make my own decision. However, if someone knows something or sees something that I may not, I surely would want them to give me a heads up! Nothing judgmental in that at all - just information and advice.

 

[HockeyMama]

@allycat0303 I'm a children's ER doctor and the past two years have been soul crushing for so many different reasons. It's really hard to prioritize ourselves because it's not so easy to rustle up another one of us, and if we don't work, people actually die. So, in my time off, I look at pretty things like diamonds and handbags and art.

I've know a few badass female CV surgeons in my career (I have mad respect for all female surgeons), you've earned happiness wherever you can find it. Get the giant diamond. And the VCA bracelets. And nice watches for your husband. Wear them to work or around the house. I particularly enjoy electronic charting and watching my ring twinkle as I type. Enjoy them for what they are. Best of luck!

 

[allycat0303]

@allycat0303 I'm a children's ER doctor and the past two years have been soul crushing for so many different reasons. It's really hard to prioritize ourselves because it's not so easy to rustle up another one of us, and if we don't work, people actually die. So, in my time off, I look at pretty things like diamonds and handbags and art.

I've know a few badass female CV surgeons in my career (I have mad respect for all female surgeons), you've earned happiness wherever you can find it. Get the giant diamond. And the VCA bracelets. And nice watches for your husband. Wear them to work or around the house. I particularly enjoy electronic charting and watching my ring twinkle as I type. Enjoy them for what they are. Best of luck!

The one thing they never teach you as a resident is the crushing weight on your shoulders. It’s happened twice in 24 hours, where I’ve stood there and it’s bleeding and I’m internally panicking because I don’t think I can fix it. I just can’t describe it. I feel so alone and useless

I think about how I’m going to have to walk out of the OR and sit in a waiting room and tell the family their loved one is dead, and if I had been smarter or better, I could have prevented it.

I imagine you have felt it. With children. Which is even worst. Sometimes I’m with a family and the pain in a room is so strong I just close my eyes and I feel like I stop existing except for their feeling of pain and grief.

My husband told me that in every way, being a CT surgeon is who I am. It brings me purpose and meaning, but it also makes me so unhappy.

He can’t tell me to stop. I would stop being me. So he does what he can.

Whenever my patient is sick, or I have to operate overnight, my husband comes to the hospital. He sleeps on an air mattress in my office so I don’t feel so alone. Over the past year, he’s watched me repeat the same ritual countless times: I go to my office, put my ring on, glance down. And for 0.1 seconds I think “sparkly, pretty”. I probably smile. He probably thinks a bigger stone will make me smile more.

 

[allycat0303]

@allycat0303 If even one person got more quality time with his or her loved ones because of you, then that’s one soul whose peace you’re responsible for. Something I often remind myself of - I can’t make a difference for all the dogs and cats in the world but I can make a world of difference for one. That’s all any of us can do. Make a difference for one by one. And the ways most of us are capable of making that difference, they don’t hold a candle to the directness and urgency of what you do.

It’s easy to dismiss bling as silly or unimportant. Maybe it is. Or maybe it’s something that someone’s using as a sanity-saving lifeline. Or maybe to someone it’s a symbol of a relationship. Or… Maybe it’s silly and unimportant. Everyone’s different and none of us can know what someone else is thinking. What I personally do know is that I’ve seen you deprioritize your happiness and personal fulfillment in deference to others’ in the past and I - and I’m sure many others who’ve responded here - hope that you’ve come to value yourself more. You deserve to have your needs and wants take priority, you always have. Up to and including the bling you wear. Especially if that’s something that’s important or meaningful to you. Get the diamond *you* want most. Sounds like big rocks are the norm where you are. So that removes some of the social pressure - you’re in good company if it’s what *you* want. But don’t get and wear a giant rock if that’s not what you want.

I only focus and remember the patients that die because those are the ones that matter.

I have a hard time with dogs and cats as well. There’s a lot of instagram posts about dogs that are to be euthanized. It hurts to see. Feels like I should do more. There’s currently no foster program where I live (too remote) I have 3 pups (rescues) and 3 cats (my cats are in their 20’s so very old). We own some land here (6 acres) so my pups have a very large amount of fenced in area so they can play.

I often think about fostering a few pups because there’s a lot of space in this house. But I am never home. My dog/cat nanny cares for our pets more than we do. On the other hand, I think a dog being fostered in our house (even if we are never home) by our pet nanny is better then being euthanized.

I’m glad you are taking care of the dogs and cats. Whenever I see those instagram posts about a dog in danger of euthanasia, and then the post is updated : RESCUED, I wonder who is saving all those animals. I like to believe that by donating to rescues, I’m contributing in a small way.

 

[Tartansparkles]

The one thing they never teach you as a resident is the crushing weight on your shoulders. It’s happened twice in 24 hours, where I’ve stood there and it’s bleeding and I’m internally panicking because I don’t think I can fix it. I just can’t describe it. I feel so alone and useless

I think about how I’m going to have to walk out of the OR and sit in a waiting room and tell the family their loved one is dead, and if I had been smarter or better, I could have prevented it.

I imagine you have felt it. With children. Which is even worst. Sometimes I’m with a family and the pain in a room is so strong I just close my eyes and I feel like I stop existing except for their feeling of pain and grief.

My husband told me that in every way, being a CT surgeon is who I am. It brings me purpose and meaning, but it also makes me so unhappy.

He can’t tell me to stop. I would stop being me. So he does what he can.

Whenever my patient is sick, or I have to operate overnight, my husband comes to the hospital. He sleeps on an air mattress in my office so I don’t feel so alone. Over the past year, he’s watched me repeat the same ritual countless times: I go to my office, put my ring on, glance down. And for 0.1 seconds I think “sparkly, pretty”. I probably smile. He probably thinks a bigger stone will make me smile more.

<Hugs>

 

[Crystal_Dreams]

I’m not in cardiothoracics, but another Emergency doctor here. I know the panic. That moment when everyone looks to you to fix it, and you freeze. Or can’t. Or you’re not sure about what to do next. It drags you down, even after it’s over. Your inner voice is there criticising, repeatedly analysing what happened, coming up with what if’s.

If getting a bigger diamond makes you happy, go for it. I completely agree with Yssie though… and I don’t think the diamond is necessarily the fix for this. It may be a nice distraction for a bit, but you are suffering, on so many levels. You have no self compassion whatsoever… and ally, I know our inner voices try to persuade us otherwise, but that does NOT make you a better doctor. Killing yourself by being on call 24/7 does not make you better. You need some time out. At some point, you WILL need to choose between yourself/a loved one and your work because life demands it. I know it is difficult (guilty of doing the same!), but you need to see YOU as a priority before that happens. It’s ok to see yourself as a person with needs too. I’m still working on this myself.

My workplace was so worried about the impact the last few years had had on us, that they hired a psychologist who specialises in seeing critical care doctors, because of the particular set of traumas and issues that we are faced with. She asked me to view this talk after one of our sessions:

I hope you can relate.

 

[MamaBee]

@allycat0303 OMG a stuffed turtle sounds awesome. Pic?

I was thinking the same thing! That’s such a sweet present!

 

[diamondyes]

@allycat0303 , what a journey you are on! Firstly, can you tell how loved you are in this forum? I see many members being so protective of you, carefully considering your best interests and striving to make sure you’re getting what you want. I’m totally getting a mother bear vibe. Maybe a bit overbearing but definitely just seeking to protect and care for the cub

As for the ring- I love the idea. Sounds like you’ve already got some good advice about setting and size. The idea of spending money elsewhere is laughable to me because I’m getting the impression that is not the issue for you. So I say go for it and have fun! What technical questions can we answer for you about the ring?

You are generous to be vulnerable and real about your career. My husband was a doctor. I will share that counselling and meditation did wonders for him and the stress load he carried. Something for you to keep in the back of your mind (he liked the headspace app).

And I can’t tell you how much it warmed my heart to hear about your husband sleeping at the hospital to support you. I have done similar things to support my husband. I can imagine the sacrifices you have both made in order to support this career path, and I say: don’t hold back, go for the ring of your dreams. And I agree with those who suggest trying a cz first to check the size/scale! PSers, will it be hard to find a cz that big? I do not even know!

And lastly, your friend’s massive sapphire in the halo- j’adore! It’s exquisite!

Wear your new ring in good health, and keep us posted! We are hear to support you

 

[HockeyMama]

The one thing they never teach you as a resident is the crushing weight on your shoulders. It’s happened twice in 24 hours, where I’ve stood there and it’s bleeding and I’m internally panicking because I don’t think I can fix it. I just can’t describe it. I feel so alone and useless

I think about how I’m going to have to walk out of the OR and sit in a waiting room and tell the family their loved one is dead, and if I had been smarter or better, I could have prevented it.

I imagine you have felt it. With children. Which is even worst. Sometimes I’m with a family and the pain in a room is so strong I just close my eyes and I feel like I stop existing except for their feeling of pain and grief.

My husband told me that in every way, being a CT surgeon is who I am. It brings me purpose and meaning, but it also makes me so unhappy.

He can’t tell me to stop. I would stop being me. So he does what he can.

Whenever my patient is sick, or I have to operate overnight, my husband comes to the hospital. He sleeps on an air mattress in my office so I don’t feel so alone. Over the past year, he’s watched me repeat the same ritual countless times: I go to my office, put my ring on, glance down. And for 0.1 seconds I think “sparkly, pretty”. I probably smile. He probably thinks a bigger stone will make me smile more.

This one million percent.

I went to med school in the 90's there was no "wellness". Over my 23 years of practice I've seen some horrible things, and there are children I still carry in my heart. HOWEVER, I know I did my best for each and every one, and as my husband tells me (props to doctors' husbands/wives... they need an award) I was actually that child's best chance at survival. The same is true for you. I think you went to McGill Med? I did too. There is no better training.

I've had mental highs and lows, and all the in between. It sounds like you are in a low. In an ideal world you take time off and get therapy. I think yours is far from an ideal world right now. Burnout is not dichotomous. You aren't fine and then fall off a cliff. Find tiny moments for yourself. If you aren't sleeping I've used the Headspace app as well and it's wonderful. Sit outside with your pets for a few minutes to get fresh air. Eat fruits and veggies (I feel like your mom). And buy all the things. This stone won't be the last. Thinking about it is a distraction right now, until you need the next distraction.

I wish I could take you out to lunch. Some of my best mental health moments have been over lunch with friends.

 

[diamondyes]

This one million percent.

I went to med school in the 90's there was no "wellness". Over my 23 years of practice I've seen some horrible things, and there are children I still carry in my heart. HOWEVER, I know I did my best for each and every one, and as my husband tells me (props to doctors' husbands/wives... they need an award) I was actually that child's best chance at survival. The same is true for you. I think you went to McGill Med? I did too. There is no better training.

I've had mental highs and lows, and all the in between. It sounds like you are in a low. In an ideal world you take time off and get therapy. I think yours is far from an ideal world right now. Burnout is not dichotomous. You aren't fine and then fall off a cliff. Find tiny moments for yourself. If you aren't sleeping I've used the Headspace app as well and it's wonderful. Sit outside with your pets for a few minutes to get fresh air. Eat fruits and veggies (I feel like your mom). And buy all the things. This stone won't be the last. Thinking about it is a distraction right now, until you need the next distraction.

I wish I could take you out to lunch. Some of my best mental health moments have been over lunch with friends.

I also like the “sleep stories” on the Calm app.

 

[HockeyMama]

I also like the “sleep stories” on the Calm app.

Golly... the Scottish burr on the dude in Loch Dormant sends me to a happy place every single time.

 

[diamondyes]

Golly... the Scottish burr on the dude in Loch Dormant sends me to a happy place every single time.

For me it’s Stephen Fry with the lavender fields of Provence… oooo lala

 

[Austina]

I can’t wait to see what you decide upon, I’m sure it’ll be out of this world stunning.

On a purely practical note, have you double checked that your insurance actually covers your ring being in a locked drawer/secure place while you’re working? I only ask as my insurance coverage specifically states that my ring is covered whilst on my finger, or in an approved type of safe.

 

[emmy12]

Ally, like others I also hope you are taking time to care for yourself and have self compassion. As women I think we are heavily encouraged to be caregivers and sacrifice our wellbeing for those of us around us. We get criticized for saying no, and called selfish for taking time to take care of ourselves. The medical field intensifies that 10-fold, since we are always told to keep the best interests of our patients in mind whenever making decisions, and our job is literally to be taking care of others.

I hope you can take some time to tell the "drunk monkey" voice in your brain to be quiet. The Drunk Monkey is what one of my mentors told us to call that negative self-talk voice in your brain that throws up all the doubts and criticisms. If you like, give him or her a name, and tell Copernicus to have a time out and sit in the corner. Hopefully the idea of a hyperactive, poo-flinging, drunk monkey swinging through your brain and shouting those things makes you chuckle, and helps you put Copernicus in his place.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

What a great thread!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Peary]

Wow so many doctors here. How much do these specialty surgeons make per year? Over $1m or close to it? A few million a year? Ok. Off topic. Feel feee to ignore.