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Picking your forever name?

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meresal

meresal

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How did you decide? Did you keep your middle name or use your maiden name?

I''m having a really rough time... I would love to keep my maiden name, but it is 9 letters long, which would make my new name 23 letters!! If I keep my regular middle name and drop maiden name, personally I think it sounds ALOT better, and it would keep the length much shorter.

Do you all have any advice? Is it really THAT big of a deal? Will your dad be upset if you chose to drop your maiden name?
 
i would go with whatever sounds the best. but you might want to ask your mom if she thinks your dad''s feelings would be hurt. i am dropping my maiden name and keeping my middle name. i am no longer in touch with my dad, and my middle name is a name that has been used in my family for a long time. it was no question for me!
 
me personally? i''d go with what sounds the best. i''m going to probably drop my maiden name and take my FI''s last name (even though i don''t like it as much as my current last name) b/c i think it sounds too wordy to keep it all. i also don''t have contact with my dad, so i don''t have the same issue there...but if i was you, i''d talk to your dad and see what his feelings are. what did your mom do when she married your dad? maybe you could model your name switch after her example...
 
Hi Mere! Congratulations again on your gorgeous wedding!

I am taking my fiance''s name. I know everyone associates me with my maiden name, but I honestly think his feelings would be so hurt if I didn''t take his name.

I considered hyphenating it until MY DAD told me that he thought it sounded pretty ridiculous...he''s very traditional though.

Has it ever come up before? With other weddings in the family? That you would know what he thinks?
 
I''ve recapped my issues with the name change before, but long story short - pre-married middle name = mom''s maiden name, pre-married last name = my dad''s family name. Married last name is really long, so I had to figure out what to do, and I KNEW i was taking DH''s last name, that was nonnegotiable. Hyphenating and 4 names (i.e. two middle names with DH''s name as newlastname) was out, wayy too long, so I had to figure out what name to drop. Either way I''m essentially dropping half of my family, either my mom''s family name or my dad''s. In the end, my mom''s family name ends with me, there are no sons to carry it on, whereas my dad''s family has men to pass the name on. So I chose to keep my middle name and drop my last for my DH''s last name.

Leave it to me to turn it into a logical (versus emotional) decision. It was such a long battle to decide, and didn''t make the decision until I was literally at the Social Security office filling out the paperwork.

Good luck in finding a solution you are happy with!
 
I have been waiting to get rid of my last name for over a decade. It isn''t a question for me, even though I will be the last in the family to be able to pass it on. I just don''t care enough. I also find taking his last name to be a statement in building a family together. But I know plenty of those who take their maiden name as a second maiden name. I think it''s really a personal preference and less to do with how it all sounds. Happy decision making!
 
My FSIL kept her maiden name after her (blissfully short) marriage, and just hyphenated with his last name. I would do that myself, but I already have a hyphenated last name (from divorced parents) and its 13 letters long, which would make my new last name 19 letters long and double-hypenated. So I''m just taking his name.
 
I talked to my parents about it - I wanted to use my maiden name as my middle name as a way to preserve the name because I knew I''d have a tough time adjusting. Surprisingly my Dad was upset at first because he ''never heard of anyone doing that" and was concerned that I was changing my "Baptism name."

My mom talked to him about it and he called me saying that he was honored that I wanted to keep it. (I think he was just confused about the whole thing and just assumed I would drop it and use my new last name.)

Now its my first name, maiden name as my middle name and Hubby''s last name as my last name.
 
I am First Name/Original Middle Name/Maiden Name as Middle Name/Husband's Last Name. It's not been an issue. When I travel I do list both my maiden and married names as my last name so as not to cause issues at airport security (because drivers licenses do not differentiate middle and last names and people would assume both names that sound like surnames are my last name, not middle and last), and that's worked out well.
 
Thank you all for your advice. I just got off the phone with my mom, so I'll tell you what I decided after replying to each of you.

I'm sorry to some or you, I might not have been very clear. I will definitely be taking DH's last name, my confusion was what to do with my new middle name.

coco- as soon as I saw your post, I called my mom. You were right, she knew exactly how my dad would feel, and I think inside I knew as well. Thanks!
marlie- My mom kept her maiden name as her middle name. Thank you for the input!
wannaB- Thank you!! I have 3 older sisters and the only one who didn't continue to use our family name is now a total outcast. My mom just informed me that she is the only one who decided to drop it. I think I knew inside that my dad would be upset, because to be honest, it would probably upset me.
cammy- I'm glad you wrote all of that out. I am actually the last person to carry my dad's family name. Though his mom and dad had larger families, they ALL had girls! My dad and his brother were only kids, and even they both had all girls! It has been something that I have really struggled with ever since I realized it. Thoguh I have absolutely no control over it, it still bothered me up until a few months ago. Thanks for sharing your story Cammy
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ilovesparkles- I'm sorry I didn't explain myself well enough. I will definitely be taking DH's name as my new name. Any chance to get our kids to the front of the alpahbet is a step up in my book!!
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I have decided to keep my middle name as the same last name I have used my entire life. I love it, and it is part of me. Though my middle name pre-wedding is shorter, that is all it holds. I have never been identified by it, and I was actually ashamed of it most of my life. I just can't upset my dad that way, by keeping a name that means nothig to me, just becuase it sounded better.
Thank you for your input!! I really appreciate it!!

ETA:
Nugget: A double hypen? Wow. So what did you condense your last name to by just having DH's? (How many letters?)
DBM- Thanks for sharing. It sounds like we were in the same general thinking. I just overthough what I knew I wantd to do.
KimberlyH- I don't think I could keep that straight. So you don't really eer have to use all the names, you just chose to have all of them? Does anywhere you go ever require you to write them all out?
 
YAY! Good choice :)
I had to choose my new name before the wedding on my marriage license. I cant wait to get that in the mail to get the ball rolling with all the other changes now :)
 
PS - I think I will be celebrating my 50th wedding anniversary and still be posting in this forum - I cant leave it!
 
lol... 50th anniversary. So true...
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I''ve definitely been posting less since about 2 weeks before the wedding. Maybe I''ll find my place after getting back from the Moon. I don''t really fit into Newlyweds yet, since my wedding experience isn''t completely over.
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I wonder if I had to choose my name before signing?? Now you''ve got me thinking! LOL!
 
There was a spot on mine where you got to pick your new name...just to get the ball rolling, I guess. I''m sure each state is different - I''m in CA.
 
In NY we had to pick my new name when we got the license.

I had the same dilemma as you Meresal. My maiden name is 8 letters, DH''s last name is 8 as well.

I wanted to take DH''s name but didn''t want to lose my maiden name (there''s only my brother and I left in the family with the name). If you add my first and middle name, my name would be 31 characters long.
 
We''re both adding each other''s names, so we''ll both be First Middle Mylast Hislast. Our kids will get both last names as well, but there won''t be an official hyphen.
 
I have a friend who dropped her middle name, moved her maiden name to her middle name and took her husband''s last name. I would agree with those who say go with whatever sounds good, though (and to check with family so you don''t hurt feelings) - so basically I''ve been no help at all!!!
 
I took DH''s name, but I was initially reluctant to drop my maiden name and took my sweet time changing it. DH was a bit upset that I considered hyphenating my name, but part of it was that I really loved my maiden name and his last name is VERY generic.

So I changed it on the provision that our children will have my maiden name as a middle name.
 
My last name will be down to 6 letters by using his.

I would like to have my old last name as my middle name, but I really like my middle name and don''t want to give it up. I have a brother to carry on the family name anyways.
 
Date: 8/3/2009 11:17:49 AM
Author: meresal
I have decided to keep my middle name as the same last name I have used my entire life. I love it, and it is part of me. Though my middle name pre-wedding is shorter, that is all it holds. I have never been identified by it, and I was actually ashamed of it most of my life. I just can't upset my dad that way, by keeping a name that means nothig to me, just becuase it sounded better.

Thank you for your input!! I really appreciate it!!
Click to expand...
Glad you made the decision that feels right to you!
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I too am giving up my middle name in favour of taking on one that has more meaning--my maiden name wouldn't work as a middle name (a long 12-letter Polish name?! I love my dad very much, but um, no), but my late grandmother's maiden name does. She was one of my best friends and I want to honour her in this way.

Of course, I'd really like it if my fiance would lose his middle name so that he could take my grandmother's maiden name too, but that's another thing entirely.
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I''m hyphenating, but I haven''t gotten around to it yet. I wish I could just keep my own name as is, but he feels very strongly that I should take his name in some way. Just as strongly as I feel that I should keep my own name (I''ve published in that name and have my BA and MD degrees in that name, among many other reasons I have not to change it). I also love my middle name; it''s sort of a family heirloom in that almost all the women on my mom''s side have it incorporated into their names. So hyphenating really is the only way for me. At least I''m only adding 4 letters...my names added up will be 8, 4, and 11 letters for a total of 23 plus hyphen.
 
I am taking my FI''s surname and completely dropping my maiden name. There''s no question about it. I am not fond of my name. A very commonly used Christian name for the UK, along with THE most commonly used middle name in the UK, especially when partnered with my Christian name, plus a very common surname! I hate it.

My FI''s name is SO uncommon, I love it. For once I will be one of 5 people with the same name on facebook, rather than one of thousands upon thousands!
 
I think you made a great choice, Meresal! That is what I did, and at one time, I think it was the "proper" choice. But there aren''t too many "rules" these days, obviously!

If my daughter marries her boyfriend, her name will be first name, maiden (last) name, his last name...8, 10, and 5 letters...23! Thank goodness his last name is short!
 
I''m going to drop my middle name, keep my maiden name, add FI''s last name.

I figure, that way I still feel a part of my family, even if it does sound kinda funny. Nobody is going to call me by my full name ever again.
 
I am dropping my maiden name.. I would love to keep it but FI and I both have rather common names so it would sound silly.. e.g. Danni''Elle Smith Jones (That is not it, but you get the idea)
 
First middle HisLast. Can''t wait to take his name!!!!
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first maiden last :) I don''t have a middle name shame though depending on what it was I could have cute intials :P.

I think my dad will be cruddy that I am keeping my name as it is not done in our culture however my maiden name is a part of me and my identity marrying someone doesn''t change that.
 
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