Please, your prayers...my son''s marriage is over...

[movie zombie]

it would be nice if your daughter understood that getting a restraining order is also necessary to protect the home she is living in and the family she is living with. these kinds of things tend to escalate and innocent bystanders seem to take the brunt of it. tell her it is a priority that she get that restraining order or she needs to move immediately. her problems with these people should not become your problem or threaten what you have worked hard to achieve and your young family at home. hopefully you will not be put into a position of having to obtain a restraining order yourself: meaning these people have caused you harm and/or damage or threatened to do same.

geez, when it rains it pours, does it not?!

great advice from your therapist!

i know you worry, but as you already know these are your son''s, daughter''s, and soon to be ex-DIL''s problems. i do hope you can stay out of it and attend to your own affairs and young children''s needs.

i''m often amazed at how easy some people think being a parent is..........sending thoughts of strength and calmness your way.

movie zombie

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 11/27/2006 4:56:00 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 11/27/2006 4:50:45 PM
Author: DeannaBana

Date: 11/27/2006 4:44:57 PM
Author: poptart
My DHs family is from Layton as well. And I''m from Ogden, so that''s quite interesting! I''m glad you didn''t call you DIL back, and hopefully you can stay as much out of it as possible. I hope your daughter gets a restraining soon because my friend is 5''11 and this girl was fairly small, and still did some damage to the house and almost to my friend. I know everything seems awful right now, but soon it will be better and this will all just be a bad memory.

*M*

Wow...small world! I am wondering if you are familiar with Clearfield. I went to highschool there a long, long time ago. I also went to Weber State before it was considered a university. I worked at a Marie Callender''s off of Harrison in Ogden while attending college and also was a work study student. My first two kids were born at McKay Dee Hospital. This is way weird!

Things will get better, I do know that. I just hate this part of things...

My MIL went to Clearfield HS I believe, and I am VERY familiar with that area. I also attended Weber State for summer semester and lived right by there till my mom moved to a different area... right off Harrison down by the Smith''s. I think my DH was born at Mckay Dee Hospital by the way... very cool.

*M*

Ok...NOW I feel really old! My oldest two are 23 1/2 and 25. What year did your MIL graduate from Clearfield? Or did she graduate from another school? To tell you the truth, this is a good distraction...

 

[poptart]

She graduated only in 1985 I think. She had my DH and his twin real young and I think that is the right year.

*M*

ETA: My DH and I are only 20, so very young indeed! DH and twin are her oldest, obviously.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 11/27/2006 5:21:06 PM
Author: movie zombie
it would be nice if your daughter understood that getting a restraining order is also necessary to protect the home she is living in and the family she is living with. these kinds of things tend to escalate and innocent bystanders seem to take the brunt of it. tell her it is a priority that she get that restraining order or she needs to move immediately. her problems with these people should not become your problem or threaten what you have worked hard to achieve and your young family at home. hopefully you will not be put into a position of having to obtain a restraining order yourself: meaning these people have caused you harm and/or damage or threatened to do same.

geez, when it rains it pours, does it not?!

great advice from your therapist!

i know you worry, but as you already know these are your son''s, daughter''s, and soon to be ex-DIL''s problems. i do hope you can stay out of it and attend to your own affairs and young children''s needs.

i''m often amazed at how easy some people think being a parent is..........sending thoughts of strength and calmness your way.

movie zombie

I am going to call her right after I log off here and mention that very fact to her. Thank you MV! My concern or worrying for my kids is because I care, not cuz I want to take control and dictate everyone''s life. I just want people I love to be happy. Plain and simple. If I can help. I do. If I can''t, I pray. If you lived near by and needed me to help you, its just my nature to do so. I have a 12 year old who has a national history day project to work on, a 14 year old who needs a little guidance with his homework and I need to oversee the 9 year old with his homework, so I have plenty who need me and that is where I am shifting me and my attention.

But I am calling the daughter and telling her she needs to step it up and make the restraining order happen!

Thanks MV!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 11/27/2006 4:45:37 PM
Author: DeannaBana

Date: 11/27/2006 4:39:29 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

I am so sorry to hear this. I know how much you were hoping they could work it out. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. For things to fall apart so quickly is not normal and I am positive there is a better woman out there for your son. Just be there for them. I am sure this will be a difficult time for both your son and DIL. Blaming them is not going to help or accomplish anything. No one *really* knows what goes on behind closed doors.

You are so right...I am more than anything venting here, I hope you all can tell from the way I am expressing myself. I am keeping my lips tightly closed and my own thoughts in my own head. As for what really went down, who knows is so accurate!


All I know is I want to stay free and clear of this mess and just be there for our son. My anger with regards to the BIL and her mom thing is more because my BIL flat out encouraged the DIL to divorce my son, stating so right in front of him. That was cold, uncaring and plain ole not his place. I haven''t spoken to my BIL and do not plan to do so for awhile. Mostly, out of fear for what I might say. I just don''t want to go there.


This whole thing has taken on a life of its own and I need to focus on something else. I truly appreciate your candor and appreciate you and your comments.


I just need to get on with life...everyone is counting on me to push forward and I can only control a small portion of what is going on, so I have to be as positive as I can...I am going to try my best!

This is the PERFECT place to vent! I know it is hard to stay positive right now. Just focus on all the good things happening to you and your family. (((hug)))

 

[Blenheim]

Deanna,

I''m so sorry to hear that your family''s going through all of this right now. I''ll be thinking of you.

{{Hugs.}}

 

[DonaBella]

Well, I did what I said I would and focused on other aspects of my life. I went out and got my hair color done and that was a lift to my spirits. Last night I got a badly needed theraputic massage at the chiropractor''s office by the same lady I have for a couple of years and it helped me sleep.

I haven''t heard from my son since Sunday but I am trusting that he is ok. He needs his space and he has his older sister and friends to lend him lodging so he is fine.

I cooked a wonderful butternut squash soup tonight and a nourishing broccoli and cheese casserole with crushed crackers mixed with butter sprinkled on top for dinner. It was a hit for the most part, the casserole I mean. My 20 year old was helping me with chopping the onion and made the pieces too big but it still turned out yummy. It has reduced calorie mushroom soup with reduced calorie mayo and monterrey jack cheddar cheese in it. I added about 3/4 cup of fat free half and half to the soup and that made a delish sauce.

When it is cold outside or I am worried about something, I cook, clean or shop! I skipped the cleaning and shopping part so I had to cook. I end up feeling successful and in control that way.

Life is full of surprises and a good one is that my daughter is getting all the paperwork filled out for the restraining order tonight. Her boyfriend was so apologetic to our family and came to my husband and I in person and told us so. He is a really nice young guy.

I just want to say thanks for supporting me and my family. I felt so buoyed by your comments. Now, if I can just help my hubby get more clients I''d be extremely happy. Money has been a bit tight as of the last 2 1/2 months so I am praying things pop soon or come the first of 2007, I will be heading back to work to help with things here. I really want to help too, but I also have the kids to think of. Anyways, I am off to bed...

 

[diamondfan]

I am so sorry this is all raining down now. However, it is likely for the best and the fact that she is not pregnant is a huge blessing. In time, I am sure your son will move on and find the right woman. And I hope she gets the help she needs. It would be great if you could be of help to her in a neutral way while still supporting your son, because she clearly knows you are a loving supportive mom and she needs that in her world too. Hard to be all things to all people and sometimes with the best of motives and intentions, it is really hard to always do the best thing. I am sure you are strong and it will be okay in the long run. Just the short run stinks.

As for your daughter, absolutely a restraining order, though please have her still be so careful. Make a report with the mall people, and ask them to please watch the store more closely...maybe give a photo of the girl to them and your daughter''s shift times? In this world, I never underestimate someone''s mental state. As for the parents, I think they have to know what she and their son are doing, and that they could go to jail for making threats. Not a nice thing to have on one''s record and as a parent I would want to know this so I could talk some sense into my kid.

Good luck, I hope to hear things are going in a better direction soon!

 

[movie zombie]

and if the two are under 18, the parents can be held liable for the kids actions.....

sounds like you had a good day and are on the right track....and the food sounds divine! i''m hungry!

movie zombie