Polite way to tell people (relatives) they''re not invited?

[Junkenpo]

DF & I just got engaged (though we''ve been together for years) and I''m pushing him hard for a summer wedding just before the new school year starts.

He''s agreed to it, though his main objection with this short time frame is a constrained budget. We won''t be able to do/plan a large family get-together... which is what I think both our families (especially mine) expects for functions like weddings.

On one hand, I agree that a later date would let us save more & put on that bigger party, but on the other hand, I think my headaches would also multiply bc a larger wedding requires more planning.


I''m seriously wanting to limit it to immediate family & best friends (grandparents, moms/dads, our siblings & their kids, closest friends & their significant others). I know I''m in for an earfull from my father (he''s the 2nd youngest of 10), about the severly restricted invitation list, but as long as our parents are there, I''ll be happy.


So... I could use some suggestions on what to tell relatives who ask "when" the wedding will be, with that indirect hint of expecting an invite.

 

[oobiecoo]

We almost had to do this because we orignally wanted a small wedding but FI has a ginormous family. The best way would probably be to say that you aren''t sure about details yet but that you know it is going to be very small due to your budget. Are you a student? If so, I''m sure most people will understand. Could you maybe do a big informal party afterwards to celebrate with the whole family? Maybe you could let them know something like that will be happening. Good luck... I know it''ll be tough but I think most people will be very understanding!

 

[lucy love]

I would just let people know that plans are coming along and you are planning for a a small and intimate wedding. Maybe sit your Dad down and explain why you guys are keeping it small and immediate family only. Maybe he''ll end up financing a big reception for you guys for everyone else to attend. One wedding, two receptions!

 

[bee*]

I would just say that you''re having a small wedding with immediate family only. Hopefully they''ll read between the lines and understand that they won''t be invited!

 

[allycat0303]

Well if you see these un-invited relatives often, I think that could be sticky. If they are far away, then it is possible you might not see them until the wedding. I would keep wedding talk to the BARE minimum first off, and then say, ''''Oh it''s going to be a very small wedding, just my parents and grandparents'''' keep it casual and leave it at that. I don''t think anyone will go to say ''''Why am I NOT invited''''

 

[Pandora II]

My brother has decided to invite only immediate family plus grandmothers.

He just said that was what they were doing.

Nothing anyone can say...

It might be more difficult if you are an only child. I''m one of 4, so they have all been to my sisters and will all have been to mine. I have huge numbers of cousins etc so it really mounts up - especially when they all have SO''s plus kids (until I banned all children under 10, I was looking at 35 and my guest list is 120 max!).

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 3/26/2008 11:09:13 AM
Author: Pandora II
My brother has decided to invite only immediate family plus grandmothers.


He just said that was what they were doing.


Nothing anyone can say...

Ditto to this. In cases like this, you need to map out what you''re going to tell people, be prepared for their various responses, and STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Do what YOU want to do. It''s YOUR wedding.

 

[LegacyGirl]

I might have to do the same thing so this is great advice!! Thanks everyone!

 

[scm1012]

I think I want to do the same thing. Just tell people how it is and not leave any room for questions.

People have been asking...and asking...and asking. I just keep shrugging them off and saying, "We''re most likely going to elope and then have a nice celebration dinner with friends and family."

FI''s great uncle (who he barely knows)....actually said, "Don''t forget to invite us to the wedding" to me. I was like, "oh....okay." It was weird. And then FI''s aunt asked me if I wanted to be a Spring bride...or a Summer bride.....or a Winter bride. I wanted to tell her at this point I am an annoyed bride. But instead I told her September or October was looking good to me and she actually questioned me about that...asking why I would want to get married in the Fall. I was livid.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 3/26/2008 3:35:24 PM
Author: scm1012
FI''s great uncle (who he barely knows)....actually said, ''Don''t forget to invite us to the wedding'' to me. I was like, ''oh....okay.'' It was weird.

Yeah, after we eloped we sent out wedding announcements and I included an old friend whom I''d lost touch with over the past 3-4 years...but she was part of my life when Mr. Surfgirl and I first started dating so I thought she''d get a kick out of knowing we finally got married. She called immediately and although it was nice to hear from her, I was a bit taken aback when she said, "So, you''re going to have a wedding party/reception, aren''t you? I''d love to come!" And I was thinking, "honey, you haven''t bothered to contact me in like FOUR YEARS and you think I''m going to invite you to a wedding party???" It was a bit weird too. I totally hear ya on that one. I think sometimes people are just excited for us, you know? But it comes out weird...

 

[cara]

"Small wedding" are the magic words. People may assume, cajole, imply, insist, and you reply somewhat vaguely, "Oh we are planning a very small wedding." All the while cheerful, listening for congratulations or other tidbits of conversation on which you can elaborate while ignoring the bit about when they should plan to attend.

 

[scm1012]

surfgirl -- I totally know what you are saying. I cannot believe your old friend, that is too funny. I''m sure she meant no harm but like you said, it comes out weird and all wrong!!

I want to ask you since you and Mr. Surfgirl eloped, did you "elope" elope...as in secretly and without letting anyone know beforehand? Or did you elope by basically going away just the two of you? It''s just that in my case, I don''t want to elope in the sense that we are like 15-year-olds running away, I just don''t want anyone else to be there!!!!!