POLL: Have you ever cheated/been cheated on?

[Dancing Fire]

albi

LOL...this is a funny Q''s. this is my type of question.

anyway....a women would never admit they cheated on their guy.

 

[IrishEyes]

Dancing Fire - you''re wrong - I''ll admit it!

Yes, I''ve cheated. On my husband - NO. On previous boyfriends and girlfriends - yes. I was young and didn''t realize the consequences of my actions. Then I fell in love and he cheated on me. It hurt so, so, so bad. I was in agony and finally understood what it felt like to be the other person.

My mother cheated on my father when I was a girl. Therapy has taught me that I apparently learned from her example growing up: when the going gets tough in a relationship, or when you''re just not into the other person - you cheat. Instead of being the bigger person and admitting your feelings, you just start a new relationship even though you haven''t finished the other one. Obviously now, as an adult, I know this is wrong.

I''m now a different person. Now that I''m married, when the going gets tough (as it so often does in marriage!), we TALK ABOUT IT. we honestly talk through our feelings and get through the bad times. Have I been attracted to other people? Sure. I am human after all. Have I thought about what sex would be like with another person. Of course. and I won''t apologize for that. But here''s the thing: my husband knows who I am attracted to and when. And I know who he''s checking out. But we both know that there is absolutely NOTHING to worry about and that we can 100% trust each other and are totally committed to being monogamous. Him and I have both been around the block several times before we were married to each other, so we are very satisified knowing that we don''t need to "explore" any more with other people.

So that''s that. Many women ARE afraid to admit they cheated. But I think if you honestly learned a lesson and can not be a repeat offender, then it''s just something that is in your past and nothing you should be ashamed of. If you continually cheat however, well, that''s another story......

 

[Kaleigh]

Both my parents cheated. I hated it. As a small child it was devastating. My respect for them was lost at an early age.

 

[IrishEyes]

I know what you mean Kaleigh.

Its weird now - when the thought of what would happen if I cheated now comes to mind, I think of it this way: you''re hurting more than just the person you cheated on.

You hurt yourself - by not being honest enough with yourself first and by being a coward instead of taking the mature route.

You hurt your families - marriage is more than just the two people in it. It''s a joining of families. When you screw over your spouse by screwing someone else, you screw over your in-laws and your own family as well. You become a heartbreaker, a home-wrecker. A liar.

You hurt your children ( if you have them) - you set the example that instead of being a honest person, one can just cheat and lie instead of facing a bad situation. You also lose their respect and their trust. Because a cheater not only lies to their spouse, they are lying to their kids as well.

I absolutely do not condone cheating in marriages. When you are 18 and casually dating - that''s one thing. Not that it''s ok, but there''s alot less at stake. But when you are married, it''s a whole ''nother ball game. You made a promise and a committment. If you can''t follow through, you need to find a way to tell your spouse that. Not screw around on them. My dad was devasted when he found out about my mom. it was a horrible situation and part of me will never fully forgive her for what she did. Now I control my future by vowing never to take after her by doing it to my husband. I don''t want to put him through the pain I watched my father go through. It was heart-wrenching.....

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Cheating ... this can be such a broad topic.

I was channel surfing in the car the other night, and there was this talk show on, and it was about relationships, and how often than not, couples can and do cheat on eachother, and the devastating effects it had on all relationships involved.

One of the things they talked about was "chat room" cheating. How a man or woman would go to a chat room to talk with someone in a sexual manner that was married, and it not be the married spouse. Many of the men and women that they polled did not think that this type of friendship/relationship that they had on-line was "cheating" on the other spouse ... who had no clue of their actions on-line.

What do you guys think ... would you consider it "cheating" if you were married, and somehow found out that your spouse was having an on-line affair? They technically didn''t engage in physical sex, however, they shared emotional, and mental sex and received sexual satisfaction and or gratification from their on line relationship.

It was a very interesting talk show. Have a nice evening!

 

[Dancing Fire]

the fact is....women cheat more than men.

this is a woman''s web site so i better shut up,before i get beat up.

i''m too old to cheat. hee,he.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 3/9/2006 4:48:24 PM
Author: Cailet
I once had a boyfriend - and I use that term in the LOOSEST sense of the word - who broke up with me so he could mess around with my sluttly ex-friend. They were actually messing around behind my back and then she decided that she felt too guilty to keep doing it ''behind my back''. Of course I didn''t know that at the time - and the ex-friend actually ''consoled'' me that me and the guy did not work out. Once I found out - oooo she tried to apologize for weeks - I never really spoke to her again.

Truth told I didn''t even really LIKE the guy - he was a rebound relationship and we both knew it. We were just having fun and then we stopped seeing each other. I was upset for about a day. But for someone claiming to be my friend to go and mess around with him while I was seeing him - that doesn''t equal friend in my book.

I found out a couple of years later that he eventually gave her an STD and stole some of her money to buy pot. The evil girl inside me chuckled a bit at that news. Karma''s a b!tch.

OMG, the exact same sitch happened to me, but the ex-friend had the nerve to call me in tears when my ex bf broke up with her!

Altho he didnt break up with me to be with her, they were hooking up behind my back and he told me one night that if I told him to break up with her he would, so I did and I ''fake dated'' him for a couple weeks then dumped him out of the blue, to teach them both a lesson. He went crawlign right back to her, then she called me again, crying "do you know what it''s like to be second best"

some people....

 

[miyabi_na]

I've been cheated on....and yeah it hurt, but I learned a lesson about that guy so THANK GOD I caught him in the act or I might have ended up back with him

(our relationship was "on hold" for a couple weeks cuz my ex was in turmoil about his money situation and wanted to try to fix that....but then I caught him with his ex-gf ---get this--- SHOPPING during our hiatus...so what happened to those so-called money problems?? His face was priceless when he saw me...I just gave him a knowing "that's it" smile and walked away before his ex came out of the dressing room and saw me.)
He tried to beg me back twice after that.....I said F no....too bad so sad his loss- I'm a perfect girlfriend and he knows that...he let me slip away...

but then I really found the love of my life and I'm absolutely happy with him

the funny thing is, my ex knows my bf and it absolutely KILLS him when he sees me so happy with him (cuz he NEVER made me as happy as my bf has)....well.....all I have to say to that is....karma's a bitch

I'm still friends with my ex cuz I moved on after everything, but you better believe I take absolute JOY (on the inside) in seeing him look pitiful and jealous STILL, nearly 5 years after we "split", when he sees me with my wonderul bf

yeah I may look cute and innocent....but I can be evil sometimes....

 

[MissAva]

Date: 3/9/2006 5:02:11 PM
Author: Blenheim
I''ve heard both area code and zip code sited as rules.

Oh for heaven''s sake where I went to HS that would have meant you could drive five miles and no worries!

 

[MissAva]

Date: 3/9/2006 5:46:35 PM
Author: CareBear
Sorry gals, but i''m not a big fan of Aiden. I love Mr. Big! It''s funny because when I first watched SATC 6 yrs ago. I hated Big and I loved Aiden. The older I get, the more I think the Aiden character is bs. Guys like that does not exist in the real world! Carrie cheated on him big time! Getting back with her was just stupid! Didn''t Carrie cheat on Big too? After that stuffy party they attended and she went home with her bartender friend? Carrie is one big cheater!=P

Okay having never followed the show (I have seen it twice on TBS) I could be wrong but good guys do exist. There are guys who will read to your sick mother, help you pass your ground school test, baby sit your siblings when you are ill, drive over 24 hours straight through to be with you when you get some bad news, and wake up early to wish you good luck on test days...I happen to have found just such a man and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

 

[treysar]

Here’s my cheated on story.

My boyfriend and I were living together in Manhattan. It was the night before my birthday, and he had a big exam the day of my birthday, so I decided to sleep at my parents house and spend the night before with them. The next morning, I decided to surprise him before I went to work, so I stopped by the apartment at about 7:30, am.

There he was, fast asleep in our bed, with another woman.

So I sat down at the edge of the bed, and just stared at him. He opened his eyes and I said. “hi..”.

He closed his eyes.

So I got up and walked out. I let everything I owned. I never went back.

He got the girl pregnant and married her. They have 2 kid and live in the suburbs.

And this was not one of those cases where the woman suspected something or was in denial. I really had NO IDEA. I never got closure, never found out why he did it, when it started ,what happened, nothing.

Can you freakin imagine? I was totally wrecked for YEARS over that one. But I thank god for it, becaue it lead me to the wonderful man I married!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/10/2006 11:50:21 AM
Author: treysar

Here’s my cheated on story.

My boyfriend and I were living together in Manhattan. It was the night before my birthday, and he had a big exam the day of my birthday, so I decided to sleep at my parents house and spend the night before with them. The next morning, I decided to surprise him before I went to work, so I stopped by the apartment at about 7:30, am.

There he was, fast asleep in our bed, with another woman.

So I sat down at the edge of the bed, and just stared at him. He opened his eyes and I said. “hi..”.

He closed his eyes.

So I got up and walked out. I let everything I owned. I never went back.

He got the girl pregnant and married her. They have 2 kid and live in the suburbs.

And this was not one of those cases where the woman suspected something or was in denial. I really had NO IDEA. I never got closure, never found out why he did it, when it started ,what happened, nothing.

Can you freakin imagine? I was totally wrecked for YEARS over that one. But I thank god for it, becaue it lead me to the wonderful man I married!

Oh my!

He didn''t say anything to you when he opened his eyes? Did the other woman wake up? Did he try to call you after?

MEN!

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 3/10/2006 11:50:21 AM
Author: treysar
Here’s my cheated on story.

OH MY GOD treysar, I can''t even imagine!!!!

I''m so sorry you had to go through that!!!

 

[AmberWaves]

Date: 3/10/2006 10:51:39 AM
Author: Matatora

Okay having never followed the show (I have seen it twice on TBS) I could be wrong but good guys do exist. There are guys who will read to your sick mother, help you pass your ground school test, baby sit your siblings when you are ill, drive over 24 hours straight through to be with you when you get some bad news, and wake up early to wish you good luck on test days...I happen to have found just such a man and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

I agree with Mat. There are fabulous guys out there. Mine is one of them. He took my job over for two weeks when I was ex. sick, and never ever complained, also while he was working his own job. He picks my mom up from work, and he helps my dad move. He never gives in to my fights, and he always believes things will work out.

 

[AmberWaves]

I''ve also got to say that my Dad cheated on my mom. There is nothing in the world as bad as being told, "It''s not my fault, I wasn''t the one who stopped loving him" from your mother. I carry a lot of baggage, and my Dad and mom are my best friends, even though they aren''t together anymore (those 30 years together were long enough!). I have not let that affect my feelings towards them, but it did affect my relationships.

 

[appletini]

Wow! These are some crazy stories.

I have one, and I didn''t cheat, it was almost a year ago before my FI & I were engaged. He got a text message on his cell phone from a yahoo messenger (kristibyme) saying that I had cheated on him, and that he needed to know because we were so serious. He got the text on a Sunday night around 11pm, but look at it until the next morning. He called me at work and asked if I had cheated on him, and I was in shock because I hadn''t at all. I could not believe that someone could be so malicious, but yet not have the balls to show their face or produce any evidence. He was so upset and I kept having to tell him that I hadn''t, plus we had been together all weekend that weekend. He texted the person back asking for details, but they never responded. We''ll never know who it was. He thinks its someone that wants me, my friends think its my ex, and I think its someone that wants him.

 

[anchor31]

Wow, some of your stories made my skin crawl...

I''ve never cheated (I''m a hopeless romantic and wouldn''t even kiss a man I''m not madly in love with...) and I''ve never been cheated on. One of my exes "upgraded", but I was the one who dumped him, so it was more of a rebound than an upgrade, really.

My brother has upgraded with all his girlfriend because he can''t stand being alone. He knows the relationship is going to fail so he goes fishing, and when he finds a fish, he dumps the girlfriend. He was engaged to one, and lived with another. Erm, would you believe me if I said he''s 22??

The girl he''s with now is nice and I think she''s good for him (for once...), but I don''t know what''s going to happen. He usually has a 18 months-ish limit (the last one got to 22 months, but the breakup was loooong time coming), so we''ll see what happens next summer, I guess!

My boyfriend''s father cheated 6-ish years ago. It devastated the family. J''s mother didn''t leave him then, and now he''s taken "mesures" to make sure she won''t leave him. She doesn''t make a lot of money and he took a mortgage on the house to pay for a new car and a new motorhome. If she divorces, she can''t take the house because she can''t pay the mortgage, but she doesn''t have enough money to live on her own. If she asks for alimony, he''s buried to the neck in debts, so she won''t get anything from him. I''m not a legal expert, I guess there could be a way for her to leave, but I don''t think she really wants to. She''s scared to walk out after 30 years (which is understandable), and I think she believes she can change him. Poor woman, she''s so sad and bitter now...

In the 3+ years I''ve known J, he has never lied to me. He is completely incapable of even hiding things from me. I remember when we were seeing each other as friends before we started dating, there had been a big fight between his parents and his mother went to her mother''s for a couple of weeks. He was so shaken he started seeing his ex again, but he only saw her twice in one week and he realized he wanted to be with me, so he broke things off again. Nothing happened and he could have not told me and I never would have known, but he told me. I was hurt and jealous because I was really falling for him, but I appreciated that he told me. Our first official date was a month later...

 

[Mara]

of course good guys exist, most of us would not have married them otherwise....

when carebear said guys like aiden don't exist i took it to mean stupid overly good guys who end up coming back for more torture when the girl is just a basket case and breaks their heart again...but haha i think guys like that do exist too, people tend to turn stupid when it comes to love.

someone for everyone!

oh and carrie WAS just a big cheater! remember she cheated with Big while HE was cheating on his wife. double cheating!

 

[Dancing Fire]

BTW....what is cheating?

do you have to be in bed with somebody else, before it is consider cheating?

 

[miyabi_na]

Date: 3/10/2006 3:06:19 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
BTW....what is cheating?

do you have to be in bed with somebody else, before it is consider cheating?

To me, cheating would also include going out/kissing/etc with someone behind my back. I don't care if they've slept with someone or not, that's still lying to me and probably that other person, and it hurts to know you're not all that your SO needs.

Unless you made some agreement that you're just "casually dating" eachother (and so can date others) or just went on a couple dates and aren't serious yet, than you should be totally commited to whoever you pick as your bf/gf...

did that make sense? LoL I can't explain things well sometimes....

 

[Blenheim]

Some of these stories are terrible! I''m glad that karma was able to catch up with some of them.

I never really considered my story cheating, but since upgrading is an option on the poll, I''ll go ahead and tell it. My ex told me that he was in love with another girl (his ex) and he never really loved me, even when he told me so. He mentioned that his mom told him that he wasn''t being fair to me and he should break up with me, but he wasn''t going to do that because he didn''t want to hurt me. (Too late for that...) I was in shock for a couple of days, snapped to my senses and officially broke off with him. He went back to his ex for a while, but I think that ended relatively soon too. And I''m not sure if he''s ever been with anyone since (which makes the b*tchy part of me happy.)

As to what cheating is, I think that''s one of those things that really varies between individual people. I wouldn''t even kiss anyone other than my BF, but I know that others will go further and not really consider it cheating. I''d really hope that both members of the couple would have the same definition though.

 

[treysar]

HE looked at me and then closed his eyes and pretended he was aslepp! Then when I left and was waiting for the elevator, he ran out into the hall in his drawers and said, "Wait, it''s not what it looks like" and I said, "NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE??? DON"T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!" and then I just got in the elevator.

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/9/2006 5:08:10 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Well, does it count if you''re dating someone who said you were his ''soulmate'' and after he had loved you for years you decided to give him a chance, so you spent all your time with him and were going to marry him, but then- wow this is long winded- you decide to sleep with him and once you do, he goes off to war in IRAQ and then you''re going to wait for him because he''s your lobster and then he emails you and says he met someone else?

Oh yeah, that counts. Either an upgrade or just plain cheating. He sounds like he deserved red wine poured on him! Or something made with cranberry juice.

Um, ''lobster''???

 

[ilovesparkles]

What about being the person someone else cheated with? Or is that a completely different topic? Not admitting to anything just bringing up a thought I had.

ETA: Ok so I lied and was too embarrassed but after reading other admits I guess I can too. I was the other woman for a long time on and off. We worked together, we were "best" friends. I fell for him and thought if I kept giving him satisfaction he would fall for me too. Then I had a pregnancy scare during finals last year and it seriously changed things for me. But I was dumb and things didnt end until summer. It was just really horrible experience! He treated me like $hit and I thought I loved him. Thankfully he and that job is out of my life now. Whoa guess I went on a little rant there.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 3/9/2006 4:30:03 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/9/2006 4:28:18 PM
Author: jldunn
Almost forgot....

''SO cheated, but it doesn''t count because it was in Canada/Mexico, and what happens in Canada/Mexico stays in Canada/Mexico''

LOL!

Isn''t there a 300 mile rule too?? If you are 300 miles from your SO it''s not cheating?

Whaat if you live 1600 miles apart?

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 3/9/2006 5:08:10 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Well, does it count if you''re dating someone who said you were his ''soulmate'' and after he had loved you for years you decided to give him a chance, so you spent all your time with him and were going to marry him, but then- wow this is long winded- you decide to sleep with him and once you do, he goes off to war in IRAQ and then you''re going to wait for him because he''s your lobster and then he emails you and says he met someone else?

Oh honey that is just horrible! OMG I cannot even imagine! I hope he is a long gone no good bastard! (And sorry I said all that if he isn''t but given the nature of the forum I''m sure he is)

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/13/2006 12:41:37 AM
Author: ilovesparkles

Date: 3/9/2006 4:30:03 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/9/2006 4:28:18 PM
Author: jldunn
Almost forgot....

''SO cheated, but it doesn''t count because it was in Canada/Mexico, and what happens in Canada/Mexico stays in Canada/Mexico''

LOL!

Isn''t there a 300 mile rule too?? If you are 300 miles from your SO it''s not cheating?

Whaat if you live 1600 miles apart?

that means you can cheat 5 x and still be within the rules.

 

[DonaBella]

I just had to add to this ongoing thread...I was told---I forget by whom---that cheating can even be sharing deep confidences of an emotional type with the member of the opposite sex...what do you think of that? If that is true, then there might a few more instances of cheating one might consider, I guess...

I have had guy friends and shared concerns with them, deep concerns, but nothing sensual or torrid or off color regarding my husband. Personally, I value having male friends and so far, haven''t had any cause to believe they were interested in me for anything other than friendship. At least one of them is married and expecting a baby with his wife, one is married of a couple of years and another is single and heterosexual.

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 3/13/2006 3:08:43 AM
Author: DeannaBana
I just had to add to this ongoing thread...I was told---I forget by whom---that cheating can even be sharing deep confidences of an emotional type with the member of the opposite sex...what do you think of that?

I think that means that I''m cheating on my boyfriend with my own father!!

Bad Blenheim, bad!!

Ok, ummm, I think that as long as there''s no sexual tension and the deep confidences aren''t of a sexual nature, and as long as you''re not trying to hide the relationship from your SO or deceive him/her about its nature, and as long as you''re not viewing your friend as an emotional replacement for your SO (and I could be missing some other circumstances here), it''s fine. We''re lucky when we find people to whom we can open up to this extent, and I personally don''t think that you should have to limit it because of that person''s gender.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/13/2006 3:08:43 AM
Author: DeannaBana
I just had to add to this ongoing thread...I was told---I forget by whom---that cheating can even be sharing deep confidences of an emotional type with the member of the opposite sex...what do you think of that? If that is true, then there might a few more instances of cheating one might consider, I guess...

I think emotional cheating can be just as bad if not worse than a sexual affair. I think if you are sharing deep confidences of the emotional type with a male friend that you wouldn''t share with your husband and/or your husband has no idea of this male friend, than it''s consider cheating. To me anyway.....unless of course your male friend if gay.