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PS Mommies Thread!

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Stephensbride and Diver, your daughters are adorable
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Cute pics!!
 
Jas12~I'll see what I can do on the pic!
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As for your trip, I think it would work out great if you were in the seat by the window. I have absolutely no problem if a woman breastfeeds in public, but I never could do it. I pumped and fed her bottles. I think we all have our own comfort levels and need to do what's right for us and our child. It would probably be way easier if you could just BF!

StephensBride~Such a cute pic!!

Diver~must feel good to be home with your wild man and wild woman!
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Just real quick I looked through some recent pics and I have one of the side of my head (DH is not a very good photographer
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) and I'll post it. I can have him take one of the back later. He's putting T down right now....that and he's not on my good side so I'd hate to ask a favor. But, by tomorrow.
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Okay~sleep advice this way!!! T is not taking good naps. She won't sleep in the swing any more and when I get her to sleep and head to put her in her crib she either screams or pops her eyes wide open and smiles. If, on the rare occasion, I do get her down in her crib she sleeps for MAYBE a half hour and wakes in an absolute terror. Her reflux has been pretty bad these past couple days (of course, since we saw the doc) and her teeth seem to be bothering her. She is tugging at her ears, chewing on everything and drooling like a mad woman. Is it possible that she just isn't sleeping sound because she doesn't feel good? Part of me wants to let her CIO but I really do think something must be hurting her. What should I do? Two weeks ago I was all worried abou the swing and now I'd give ANYTHING for her to take a good swing nap! Kids!

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Indigal--thanks for the suggestion. I will do that. This trip is going to be a big learning experience. I am an avid traveller but this is a whole new ballgame. I am excited to travel with cohen but the amount of stuff to tote around is going to be a challenge. It''ll be better to not have to worry about bottles and just nurse.


Tgal--SS does not offer franchise opportunities in my province yet
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, i just got an email from them. Oh well.
 
Jas12- since Jake is my 3rd I''m obviously over caring what anyone thinks and will nurse where I need to. that said, I don''t really like to nurse in public and have spent many a feeding with my daughters in bathrooms or other places that can be private. We we go to restaurants I always sit at a booth b/c it''s easier to disguise and really not many people realize you''re even nursing. they think you are just holding a sleeping baby...unless of course the baby is Jake who somehow makes a ton of noise
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. i had to fly with my 2 girls when lily was 4 months. I just sat in the window sit and had my hubby sit in the middle and nursed. I figure odds are i will never see the folks on the plane with me and they honestly will have a much more pleasent trip if my baby is nursing rather than screaming. I personally wouldn''t want to mess with taking along a pump for the sole reason of not wanting to nurse in public. But again, I was much more shy with my first. it was also more awkward and difficult getting the baby latched on quick and easy. it''s just so different with the second or third.


burk: i''ve got no good nap advice for you. my kids were all good nappers. How many naps a day is she taking? The only thing I can think of is it may be time to give up a nap so one of the others is longer. but she''s too young to give up any if she''s only taking 2 day. it may be something to ask your ped. about. I like your haircut too
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ella: did you get yours cut yet? I can''t wait to see pics.
 
SB--
Cute 4th of July pix of Sabrina.
That shot reminds me of Boo from Monsters'' Inc
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Date: 7/4/2008 9:23:01 PM
Author: Burk
Okay~sleep advice this way!!! T is not taking good naps. She won''t sleep in the swing any more and when I get her to sleep and head to put her in her crib she either screams or pops her eyes wide open and smiles. If, on the rare occasion, I do get her down in her crib she sleeps for MAYBE a half hour and wakes in an absolute terror. Her reflux has been pretty bad these past couple days (of course, since we saw the doc) and her teeth seem to be bothering her. She is tugging at her ears, chewing on everything and drooling like a mad woman. Is it possible that she just isn''t sleeping sound because she doesn''t feel good? Part of me wants to let her CIO but I really do think something must be hurting her. What should I do? Two weeks ago I was all worried abou the swing and now I''d give ANYTHING for her to take a good swing nap! Kids!

Ahh Burk, no advice here.
I too am looking for answers as well.
J seems to do the same thing -- eyes pop open when I''m about to put her down, wake up in scream or gag (although this has gotten better), tugging at her ear or hair when she''s nursing, drooling excessively and sucking on her hand as if I haven''t feed her in ages.

I know what you mean about not letting her CIO.
Most time, J would be woken up from her sleep because she''s got gas.
I''ve been picking her up whenever she fusses and burp her else it''ll end up with her squealing in pain and then she won''t fall back asleep.
 
I L
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VE that collage of the onesie club! What gorgeous girls on PS!!
 
MrsS. i think i need to get over my shyness. I think it has to do with Cohen and his nursing habits. He is a crazy eater! He pulls on and off the breast, twists, turns, tugs and wiggles
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--it is almost impossible to keep him covered he moves so much and thus anyone nearby gets flashes of the boob when he pulls off. He now likes to stop and look around, smile, check out the scenery. It drives me nuts. i am beginning to think he is ADHD or something.

Burk--(i like your shirt in that pic). I am certainly no expert, but i would bet she is just uncomfortable. Maybe tire her out, feed her, put on the teething gel and then put her down so all bases are covered?? I remember when babies were teething at the daycare they had to have every other need taken care of before they could ''cope'' with the teething pain and actually sleep. rough times for babies.

speaking of sleep--i am finally getting some of it and now Cohen is not. I can''t win. He was up 4 times last night--i can''t seem to pinpoint why. One of the 4 wake-ups he screamed for dear life and i gave in and fed him, but the other times i didn''t feed him, just re-swaddled and gave a little cuddle. I am wondering if he is just waking himself up? He is pretty fixated on his hands right now and they are constantly in his face or mouth, maybe he gets them free at night and bops himself in the face? Any ideas moms?

Lili--i think i asked you this before but do you swaddle J ?
 
Burk - I'm no help either since Sabrina started having the same problem about a month ago. We used to be able to put S down wide awake and she'd put herself to sleep (some naps in the swing) and now if she doesn't fall asleep while nursing, she doesn't sleep at all. I can't push the issue either because she will throw a huge fit and make herself sick. Hopefully they'll grow out of it like the reflux?

Jas - LMAO at Co being an ADHD eater. Sabrina does the same thing and I think that's the perfect description. When she was little, she was boob focused and I could feed her anywhere (I have no shame when it comes to BFing). Once she reached 3 months she started acting like Co and even the cover-ups don't help since she likes to pull those down and share her meal with the world. It's made her far less portable.
 
Burk, no advice on the sleep thing because of Tayva''s reflux. If she didn''t have that issue, I''d say bink her & let her fuss it out. But, my only advice is to call your ped & do some research.

If she''s teething, what I did with Jake was keep him constantly medicated 24/7 for the duration of the ouchie times. I''d alternate Tylenol & Motrin every 4 hours (timing the Motrin dose at bedtime -- it lasts longer than Tylenol so better for sleep). I also knocked him out with Benadryl at night during the worst of the teething. Your ped can give you the dosing amounts. But I do think her reflux makes it a trickier situation.

I''ve got a hair appt at 1:30 today. My girl is on va-cay, so I''m trying the Aveda Institute downtown. A few friends I know go there & love it, even though its students, they are very well trained & supervised the whole time. Ack! So I''m printing off your pics right now! Eeek! I''ll post before & after pics later on today!

Ok...gotta run.

These darn babies are so cute! I love the brown onesie collage, its too too cute.

I hope everyone had a great 4th. Delaney made me work for her love y''day. She is so mad at me for being gone, but I think she''s over it now--but she would NOT smile at me or give me any lovin'' yesterday. She was all about Daddy & could care less about moi. She also slept with me the last 2 nights. The fireworks kept waking her up and scaring her to death last night. I went up in her room & she was shaking & trembling & hiding under her blanket...poor girl. She''s a much lighter sleeper than Jake was/is and startles pretty easy. So as soon as we took her to bed, she snuggled in and passed out all night.

Ok..well I have to clean/start laundry. bbl!
 
Dumb question: is it a coincidence that all the li''l PS baby girls have the same onesie? I haven''t followed very carefully. Did I miss something?
 
Indy - I think it is coincidence. I find the 5-pack of onesies all over the place and I guess we all just have the same good taste.
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Jas12- Jake is doing some of the same things as Cohen. He''ll nurse for a bit and then just pull off and start smiling and cooing at me...cute it is but I can''t get him to get really full and then he''s hungry again a lot sooner. He''s pretty good about staying hidden though so I havent'' flashed anyone yet...that I know of anyway
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diver- can''t wait to see before/after pics of your hair. all this hair talk has me soooo wanting a change. I found a pic of a cut I would love to try but not sure I have the courage to chop off my hair. for those who remember my hair is long and when done properly can look nice but 99% of the time it''s in a bun/pony tail. I hate wearing it down because it''s hot and it just gets in my way, it falls in my face when changing diapers etc. now i see why so many mom''s end up with short haircuts. anyway, here''s the pic of what I''m *thinking* about. my best friend and my sister both love it and think I should go for it....i don''t know though.. and my hubby is a fan of long hair so I''m not sure what he''d think....

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Jas12
Bummer about the SS not franchising in your province.
Maybe in the near future?
You still have a good half a year left before your maternity leave is over :)

That''s so cute about Co wanting to talk and look around when he''s feeding.
J does that if I try feeding her after she wakes up.
Instead of eating, she''ll be looking at me and cooing and smiling.
Most time, she''ll be so tired and hungry that nothing can distract her from the boob.
Yeah, it''s a habit that I''m trying to break -- falling asleep on the boob.
She''s got the EASY method all backward -- Activity, Eat followed by Sleep immediately.

I don''t and have never swaddled her.
Tried to when she was born, but she''s kept grunting and couldn''t sleep.
So I never tried after that.
 
MrsS--
Love the short do...
can''t wait to see you with it.
 
hello ladies..just a quick drive by for me coz i barely have any energy...thought id come in here and ask this and hope that one of u may have any good suggestions!!


so my wonderful boy has turned into a demon!!! he''s the most cheerful boy during the day, all smiles and hugs and happiness....then comes night time...he sleeps fine (though the ''putting him to sleep'' part has gotten harder)...and then he just starts his tirade!! he wakes up after one hour SCREAMING...(not for any reason that i can think off)..goes back to sleep..screams again half an hour later..and so on and so on...after the nth time of this happening, i give in and bring him to bed with me....ALL night long he just continues to twist and turn (very violently!!) and whines and moans and screams and cries..i can CLEARLY see that hes distressed coz hes really tired and wants to sleep but just can''t..ive tried EVERYTHING I can think off..ive walked around with him, changed the location of where he sleeps, changed his pjs, tried to give him some water, rubbed his belly in case he had some gas..but nothing works..nothing!!!....this has been going on NON STOP for the past week...i now officially no longer have ''bags'' under my eyes...i have BAGS with a ''hint'' of eyes....

im at a loss as to wat to do...please help with ANY Suggestions u mite have..

the ONLY thing thats going at this point is that his molars are coming out and hes in a lot of pain...but no medication that i try with him works..and during the day hes as fine as can be..its just the nite times that are horrendous..


help!!

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msb, your sweet boy is teething. molars are HELL. and it seems like they take MONTHS to come in.

Ok...I''m sick sick sick.

NEVER go to anyone other than your own hairdresser! Why??? why did I do it?

I said 3 inches off.

She took off NINE.

I have a bob now. It touches my shoulders instead of falling below.

Its cute, I think, but its short! I look good in either short hair (a la Katie Holmes bob) or long hair past my shoulders, the "at the shoulder" length is so frumpy on me.

And worst part is, I forgot....but....MY 20 YEAR REUNION IS NEXT MONTH!
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I am just sick to my stomach. Ok, I''m trying no to be one of those girls who frets about her hair, but its so shocking. I am an idiot.

Now I have to "do" my hair everyday. Mrs. S, that cut is adorable, but only do it if you want to "do" your hair each day.

I guess I have a "style" now....instead of long with split ends, and hey....I guess its healthier now. *sob*
 
Diver--oh boy, you sound just like my sister--she has had SO many hair crises (i never do b/c i am boring, unadventurous with my style). Just last month i was almost in tears on the phone with my sister explaning how i was at the end of my rope with my insomnia. This is almost an exact quote from her:
"oh Jas, that really sucks. i have never had a problem falling aslpeep. Well, actually not *never*--there was that one time when the hairdresser bleached my hair and it was so blonde i was embarassed to go to work the next day. I laid in bed all night worrying about what my co-workers would say...."

*i almost hung up on her*
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So, my point is two fold--1) you are not the only one to fret over your hair and 2) it''s really not the end of the world. You are so cute diver, i am sure it looks great! Post a pic for us?

Lili--Cohen had EASY backwards for a while too--took me a good month to get it going in the right order but he did eventually start. And it really does work. i figure she has worked with 100''s of babies, it must be somewhat valuable.
Cohen also hated (still hates) the swaddle for the first few minutes, now he just about looks at the thing and falls asleep. It is weird. I want to wean him off of it, but i want and need sleep more so that''ll have to wait. I think the BW suggests swaddling till aroudn 8 months--that seems awfully long to me, i''ll just play it by ear.

beautiful day here...off to the cottage
 
Diver--forgot to mention my sister has been known to go to another hairdresser to get her ''messed up'' hair-do styled the night of a big event. Maybe you could do that for the reunion?
 
diver- I''d love to see pics of your hair..i bet it''s cute. so sorry about losing the extra inches though. I think jas12''s idea of getting it done the day of the reunion is a good one. I''m totally on the fence about cutting mine. I do realize it will be a little more work than the no maintainence "do" i''ve got now but my hair is natually wavy/curly so I think with a little product and styling I could replicate that style without too much work. blow drying and flat iron style cuts are too time consuming for me. if my stylist says that cut will be too much work then I''ll pass and get my usual $$$ trim
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Jas12- 8 months seems really long to me for swaddling. I think the miracle blanket folks recommend usage just until 3-4 months b/c too much swaddling can cause developmental delays. I totally hear ya though and not being ready to give it up right when you are finally getting some sleep. maybe by next month you''ll feel better and can do it or maybe it is ok to keep them swaddled longer. I don''t swaddle Jake any more so I haven''t really researched the cut-offs. my sister''s little girl just loves to be swaddled too. My sister calls her the burrito wrap. do you have any recent pics of Cohen? I would love to see some...
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Hey gals...

More later. I am still battling fleas. Can you believe it? I am SICK of this. I called the landlord and asked them to call an exterminator. I have done everything I can do, including vacuuming everyday, borax, and flea bombs. I wonder if it is possible they can come through the walls from next door (which I am SURE is infested) to our place.

Jas, I hear ya on the swaddle thing. I was SO freaked out to wean, but I figure doing it when they are younger (and have shorter memories) has got to be easier...although not sure if that really is the case. For Amelia, it took about 3-4 days, with the 2nd to 3rd day being the toughest. It was scary because as you know, Amelia was sleeping so well and I loved getting predictable sleep out of her, and I was scared to mess with it.

Now it is as if she was never swaddled, and she is doing great. Also, once I stopped swaddling her, she REALLY found her hands, as obviously she has had more time to discover them. Happiest Baby on the Block recommends weaning swaddling by 3-4 months, and I think the miracle blanket people might have as well (can''t remember on that one though). I *think* Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child says the same, so that is what I went by.

I''m trying to do everything a bit systematically...in the order it makes sense. Swaddle weaned first, then paci (since she found her fingers, this has been a bit easier). I went to the doc''s for her 3 month appointment and he said since she is sleeping so well, he thinks by 4 months she should be sleeping through the night. I was like...hmmm...not sure about that. He also recommended not going to her for at least 15 minutes in the middle of the night (I believe Tacori has mentioned this, and it''s also in HSHHC).

Well, Amelia doesn''t cry in the middle of the night (only "talks" and fusses) so I thought I might try it this weekend. We spent the night over at a friend''s since I don''t like to put her down for the night and wake her up to leave someplace. Since all of us were in the same room, it was a good opportunity to observe her easily. She fussed at about 1 am and 2 am, but each time within the 15 minutes, she conked back out (for her 2am, I did sneak the pacifier back in her mouth and that helped). So it was the first time that we didn''t give her a middle of the night feed and she went from 7 pm to 6am.

Last night was the first night we tried it at home and it went well again. From 7 to 7 today, with one night waking with some fussing, but back to sleep within 15 minutes. I still wonder if it''s a bit too early, but the doc, the books I''ve read and her disposition seem to be showing that it might work so we will see. The doc says at this stage she does not NEED her night feeding, but that she may just simply want it. Now I am trying to figure out how to get all her needed calories/ounces in with only 4 feedings per day. So far what he has said is true...she is making up the ounces during the day, pretty easily taking 6 ounces and up to 7 at bedtime. I''m thinking also because she is formula fed, it may be helping? I know BF''ed babies get hungrier faster so I wonder how that works for middle of the night hunger.

Anyway, hope that this is interesting to you. I thought I''d share because I was really scared to get her off that blanket (she''d conk out SO quickly once in it...and now it does it take longer for her to fall asleep, but I also wonder if developmentally she is awake longer because she''s found more interestings things to see and do while awake). My goal has always been to teach her how to self soothe, understand that bedtime is bedtime and not have to much CIO if at all possible. HSHHC has mentioned that if you can get the baby to sleep within a certain window, there really shouldn''t be much crying and in Amelia''s case I have found that to be true....so far. The one thing I KNOW (from friends with kids and from reading stuff here) is that babies sleep habits change on ya!

More later...have many more posts I want to respond to...
 
Date: 7/6/2008 12:34:22 AM
Author: lili
Jas12
Bummer about the SS not franchising in your province.
Maybe in the near future?
You still have a good half a year left before your maternity leave is over :)

That''s so cute about Co wanting to talk and look around when he''s feeding.
J does that if I try feeding her after she wakes up.
Instead of eating, she''ll be looking at me and cooing and smiling.
Most time, she''ll be so tired and hungry that nothing can distract her from the boob.
Yeah, it''s a habit that I''m trying to break -- falling asleep on the boob.
She''s got the EASY method all backward -- Activity, Eat followed by Sleep immediately.

I don''t and have never swaddled her.
Tried to when she was born, but she''s kept grunting and couldn''t sleep.
So I never tried after that.
Hey lili, I am not sure if there''s anything wrong with that. Amelia flip flops on the "EASY" method throughout the day and it works fine for her. In the morning, it''s Eat, then her physical therapy, then nap. Then she wakes up and it''s activity, then a bottle, then a tiny bit more activity (or not, depending on time) then sleep. Before bedtime, it''s always bottle before sleep.

You''re doing what is working for you both, so I wouldn''t worry too much if I were you.
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Date: 7/5/2008 12:18:05 PM
Author: Jas12

speaking of sleep--i am finally getting some of it and now Cohen is not. I can''t win. He was up 4 times last night--i can''t seem to pinpoint why. One of the 4 wake-ups he screamed for dear life and i gave in and fed him, but the other times i didn''t feed him, just re-swaddled and gave a little cuddle. I am wondering if he is just waking himself up? He is pretty fixated on his hands right now and they are constantly in his face or mouth, maybe he gets them free at night and bops himself in the face? Any ideas moms?
Jas, I''m not sure if you remember, but Amelia went through what sounds like exactly the same thing twice in a month (for two days at a time). I asked the doc about it and he had no answers...just said if it went away, it''s nothing to worry about and babies go through all kinds of phases. For Amelia, I gave her an extra feed at night (as she was screaming for dear life as well and nothing else worked) and paci''d her a lot during the other wakings. I''m still stumped, but I attribute it to a growth spurt since she grew an inch and a half last month.

As for hands...when I got Amelia off the MB, she DEFINITELY was smacking herself awake. That''s why I wondered if she was neurologically ready to be weaned...those freaky arms! Now either she''s used to it or it doesn''t happen as often. But I have to wonder when I go to her in the morning and she''s got all kinds of little nicks on her face from her nails which I am desperately trying to keep as short as possible. Ugh.
 
SB, your girl is absolutely ADORABLE. I love the July 4th pic. And her arms! -->
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Jas, bummer about the SS...bet you would have led a kick-a** class. And re: shots...Amelia has already had 3 shots plus one oral. Next month she has FOUR shots and I am nervous about it. I may ask the doc if we can space them out at my expense. But the one I am most worried about is MMR...although the doc said the researcher who first made the claim that there may be an autism link has since done an aboutface. However my doc said I have a year to think about it, research it and do what make me feel best. Even though I would WANT to space them out, he said some of the single dose shots are in short supply and hard to get. Argh.

lili, I am SO not a morning person as well. One morning Amelia was making noise at 7:30 am and I sat up out of bed to get her. TGuy said, "leave her for awhile." I paused and thought about it and said, "Dude, it so SO not fair to expect her to go to bed at 7pm and wake up as late as we want...it''s one or the other!" He said, "True," so I dragged my a** out of bed to get her. But it sucks.

Ella...8 kids? OMG. I''d be scared for my sanity. I was just thinking of you and all the other twim PS mommas to be and wondered logically how I would do things (like feedings, putting them own, etc) and just chalked it up to the fact that you must be a super mom.

IG, it was definitely a cowinky dink they all had the same onesie. We all love hanging out on this thread, but we are not so obssessed as to go out and intentionally dress our babies the same. Heee hee!
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Diver, can''t wait to see your hair! I bet it looks awesome that short.

More in a bit...TGuy has brough my lunch!!
 
Thanks gals for nap advice! I am calling her ped tomorrow as well as the ped GI specialist. I think this may be related to her reflux. She had night wakings last night on and off for the first 2 hours of sleep. She was arching her back and screaming bloody murder. I couldn''t get her to calm down. She was miserable. So were we!
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lili~Sorry J isn''t napping well either. I think I was spoiled because she was a good napper....especially in the swing when she''s upright. Have you tried a swing nap or carseat or putting something under her mattress in her crib so she''s propped a little? That USED to help T.
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StephensBride~So Sabrina has done that for month? Oh, I hope they grow out of it!! I feel like I am always putting her down for a nap because she only takes 45 minute naps and therefor is tired so quickly after she wakes up. Poor babies.

Diver~So sorry about the hair! I''d be upset too! It''s a shock to lose more than you were prepared to lose. Please post a pic. I bet it''s so cute!

msb~So sorry about your little guy! I can totally relate, but have no clue what to tell you. I''m calling our ped tomorrow regarding T''s sleep. Maybe call your ped? Good luck!

Tgal~Sorry the fleas are still around! Yuck!!

Well, we just got back from the pool. T fell asleep on the way home so I left her in her carseat to sleep. Again, only a 45 minute nap.
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Since she''s up, I better go play. BBL
 
Tgal, oooo honey, I am so sorry you are in flea hell. I cannot believe you have to endure that! I''d keep calling the landlord, that is unacceptable. You don''t even have pets do you? Amazing.

Burk, Reflux is so hard on the little ones. I''ll have to ask my friends what they did for their daughter. I guess hers was severe too. Is she on medication ? I can''t remember if it was prevacid, etc. or something like that, but there are things they can take to help. Is Tayva on anything ?

Mrs.S, well the upside of doing your hair more often when its shorter is that it doesn''t take near as long as long hair does to style. I mean, doing my long hair was a 35 minute ordeal blowing out, styling, flat ironing or curling or velcro rollering etc. So I only did it 1x a week...2 tops...the rest of the time was ponytail city.

Blowdrying short hair is short work.
 
tgal- Jake had FIVE shots at his 8 week visit plus the one oral one...crazy. they spaced them differently with my girls or added a vaccine b/c neither had that many at once. it was heartbreaking. I just read an article about the vaccine link and autism and concluded no one still really knows. some recent studies even suggest that there are immune deficiency''s that develop while the baby is still in the womb. they said that in studies the kids with the deficiency''s actually performed more normally when they had a fever (white blood cell count high) making them think that somehow there is a link. then the mercury in the vaccines somehow reacts/attacks the immune system leading to the autism. Of course no one knows if the kids still would have developed autism w/out the vaccines. These are the same kids though who would be very high risk if they got measles or mumps or rubella so many dr.''s still feel that vaccines are best. the kids in my state have to be vaccinated to attend school so their isn''t much parental choice involed even if I were against it.


diver: very true about short hair drying faster. I honestly wouldn''t mind styling every once and a while. I watch that show "what not to wear" and see some pre-makeover frumpy mommies and I don''t want to be one of those, which I think I currently am
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ok, here it is...this is flatironed, and dry wax on the ends. If I don''t move it looks fine, but the layers are hella uneven & choppy on my right side. I''m just gonna wait until my next scheduled cut & have MY hairdresser just clean it up a bit. She knows what the hell a half inch is. But see how the one side''s layers are shorter than the others?
argh.

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side view....choppy, no?

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This is what bugs me most...it was so long & now it shows off my very large back. yuk. and its crooked, but fortunately, I''m the only one who will notice.

I feel so self absorbed obsessing, but shoot...I "cheat" on my hairdresser to save a buck & because I can''t wait and look what happens. I will never go to anyone but Jill ever ever again.

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