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PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

thanks for the info on the breast milk ladies... i will pass on some of the tips too...seems like the freezer stays longer than i expected. good point nf on the nutrients being diff, etc.

re: swaddling, i have aden and adais, and someone did give me like 2 swaddle me''s and i got a swaddle designs wrap too. so hopefully between them all i will figure something out.
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Advice needed...
My neighbor has a ~4 month old son. I met her while she was pregnant and I've known her maybe 6 months now. She means well but is VERY CLINGY and just a little off socially. It's flattering, but annoying. I like her as a neighbor/acquaintance, but right after I met her, she started to act like we were best friends which made me uncomfortable. She called me multiple times a day, told me very personal stuff, dropped by at random times, etc. She really backed off after she had her baby and I felt relieved.

Well, she told me recently that she's suffering from PPD and is having a hard time leaving the house. She doesn't have many other friends. I don't think she has any other new mom friends that live in our city. I've invited her out for a walk a couple times recently, but I'm afraid to encourage her too much because I really don't want her to be so clingy again.

How should I handle this? I feel bad that she is isolated and having a hard time, but I don't want to build up a bad situation for myself either, KWIM?

This kind of thing happened to me a few times when I was younger and I never did develop a very good way of handling it. Advice?

Thanks!

Swaddling We loved the SwaddleMe blankets. A fought it at first but slept much better when he was swaddled. Oh, and he looked so ridiculously cute all bundled up!

Freezing breast milk I got really into pumping and storing at first, but then I couldn't figure out under what circumstance I would need ALL THAT MILK. I think having a day or two's worth of milk stored up is plenty unless you know you will need it for something specific like a trip. If you are working, you will usually be pumping Tuesday's milk on Monday, etc. You hopefully won't need your freezer stash except in an emergency. We used Avent milk storage containers. I liked them because with an adapter you could pump right into them. Now, I have milk that is 6 months old in my freezer which I will probably have to dump - makes me so sad!
 
Date: 12/22/2009 12:01:07 AM
Author: TanDogMom
Advice needed...

My neighbor has a ~4 month old son. She means well but is VERY CLINGY and just a little off socially, for example, telling me really personal stuff when we had only just met. It''s flattering, but annoying. She''s been like that since I first met her about a year ago. She told me recently that she''s suffering from PPD and is having a hard time leaving the house. She doesn''t have many other friends. I don''t think she has any other new mom friends that live in our city. I''ve invited her out for a walk a couple times recently, but I''m afraid she''s going to start calling me multiple times a day, dropping by, etc, which she used to do and which I did not like.


How should I handle this?
Click to expand...

How did you handle it in the past when she did it? I personally would just tell her you''re busy and can''t. Set boundaries early on and stick to them. If she calls you everyday set a time to walk for the following week-then hopefully she won''t call you until then if you already have plans KWIM?
 
Date: 12/22/2009 12:08:29 AM
Author: neatfreak
Date: 12/22/2009 12:01:07 AM

Author: TanDogMom

Advice needed...


My neighbor has a ~4 month old son. She means well but is VERY CLINGY and just a little off socially, for example, telling me really personal stuff when we had only just met. It's flattering, but annoying. She's been like that since I first met her about a year ago. She told me recently that she's suffering from PPD and is having a hard time leaving the house. She doesn't have many other friends. I don't think she has any other new mom friends that live in our city. I've invited her out for a walk a couple times recently, but I'm afraid she's going to start calling me multiple times a day, dropping by, etc, which she used to do and which I did not like.



How should I handle this?
Click to expand...


How did you handle it in the past when she did it? I personally would just tell her you're busy and can't. Set boundaries early on and stick to them. If she calls you everyday set a time to walk for the following week-then hopefully she won't call you until then if you already have plans KWIM?
Click to expand...

Thanks - I like your strategy. Boundaries are good and I'm not great with setting them. While you were posting, I revised my first post a little to clarify the situation. In the past, I told her look, sometimes I just don't have time to talk on the phone. She seemed to take that OK. I just didn't answer when I didn't want to talk, but then when I finally did talk to her or see her she guilt tripped me about how long it had been, etc. I was so relieved when she had her baby and backed off. I thought maybe she had just been emotional or something during the pregnancy. Now I'm pretty sure that that's her normal personality, and after the baby she was withdrawn because she was having a hard time with PPD
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OH - sorry to be so me-centric but just wanted to report back about CIO. DD thanks for telling me that going in to check on him might just make him more upset. Totally true. Anyway, the first night was pretty rough - he was up almost 2 hours at one point, probably because we kept going in to soothe him, oops and 30 minutes the other time - and it took all my resolve not to go in there and feed him. But, the second and third nights went really well! He hardly fussed at all! Tonight is the fourth and we'll see how it goes. So far so good. The whole sleep training thing has gone so much better than I thought. I wasn't ready to CIO before and I don't know whether he was ready or not, but now, we both are ready to sleep through the night. It has been the right thing to do at this point. Yay!
 
hey ladies!! All the pictures are SUPER cute!!! I miss having such a tiny baby
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Mandarine & Phoneix - I really admire you ladies for working out so soon after pregnancy! I worked out quite a bit before being preggo, but unfortunately have REALLY struggled getting back into a routine since having baby (like I rarely work out now). I still have 10 lbs to lose almost 7 months PP
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The weird thing is since being back at work EVERYONE has told me how I look thinner than before?? Makes no sense, but my body has changed in shape, so maybe it''s an illusion
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I''m much much "straighter" now. Before baby I was really pear shaped/curvy, I''m a little thicker thru the middle now so I seem less peary
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. Keep up the GREAT work and I''m sure you''ll both reach your goal soon! Personally I think you both look amazing as is
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Nothing new w/ me, just getting excited for Santa''s arrival
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I can''t wait for Lex to open his gifts!
 
TDM, that''s a tough situation with your neighbor. You shouldn''t feel guilty if you have to limit your contact with her. I don''t think any of us want somebody to hang out with us out of pity, right? But maybe you could invite her to some things with other women/moms where she might meet somebody she really clicks with. If you''re going for a walk anyway and you don''t mind her company at the moment, you can invite her, but you probably don''t want to get in a situation where she''s expecting you to devote a certain amount of time to her every week.

But just to play the devil''s advocate, I''ll say that PPD is a tough thing, and a little kindness and self-sacrifice on your part will probably go a long way with her. And if you manage to introduce her to some other people (or suggest a new activity you both could try where you can meet people), you may be surprised to see that she finds someone she connects with better and eases off on you. If you don''t think the two of you hit it off, she probably feels the same way; she just doesn''t have anyone else to call.

I have some experience with "pity friends" as I was a religious zealot in high school and befriended everyone I could find who seemed friendless out of pity. Well, after we became close enough friends for them to say this to me, most of them told me that they sensed my friendship wasn''t genuine and they resented me for it. And none of them keep in touch with me now.
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No one wants to be a pity case.

On the other end of the spectrum, I had a coworker go through a clingy phase with me after his fiancee called off the wedding and it turned out he only had me as a friend outside of "their" circle. He called every night and was genuinely depressed, and once in a while I just couldn''t bear to answer the phone when I saw his name on the caller ID. At work he''d be like, "Did you know last night was the first night we didn''t talk in weeks?" and I''d be like, "Oh, really, I hadn''t noticed . . ." But in the end he got through it, married a wonderful woman and grew a huge network of friends although we always remained close. His middle name was Clare, and we named Claire partly in honor of him. He passed away from cancer within 24 hours of when she was conceived.
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So if I hadn''t stuck it out with him during his clingy phase, I wouldn''t have gotten to have him as a wonderful friend for 6 years and we wouldn''t have gotten to know his wonderful wife.

But of course, he was normal friend material when we met and was just sent over the edge by his circumstances; your neighbor wasn''t. I don''t want to guilt you into being a martyr.
 
mara - I''m in the same boat with no newborn for x-mas, but there are some advantages! Kyle will be big enough to help open his own gifts (he enjoyed ripping the wrapping paper when I tried wraping with him in the room at least
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), and your LO will be able to play with his gifts too. And the swaddle-mes worked great with Kyle, his flailing arms would wake him up, and those seemed to be the only thing we could get tight enough. DH was much better getting him in it than I was. We called him the "baby burrito" when he was all swaddled up.

TDM - congrats on CIO working, I hope night 4 went better!

PG - I''d just keep you''re DH''s bike business on the side, so that he doesn''t spend all his time doing it. My DH is restoring a classic Mustang right now, so he tends to disapear into the garage on the weekends (it was supposed to be done before we started TTC...). The extra money will be nice, but hopefully you can keep it at hobby level and away from obsession.

And LOVE the cute pics everyone!

***

I took Kyle to happy hour last night with my old co-workers. We survived 2 hours in a bar, and the only time he got fussy was when I went to the bathroom without him. And DH actually said it was boring being home alone!
 
Me-centric post...

I hurt myself yesterday, falling down the stairs at the mall (parking garage - slick from ice, snow, etc). My rt shoulder/upper back is killing me. I''m having problems finding a comfortable position to nurse G in and it''s super hard to supervise him right now as he''s just crawilng all over and climbing on everything.
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DH is finally back in town and he''s getting a crash course in how to care for a mobile baby.

George and Santa.

George and Santa.jpg
 
Quick post here from me as I am supposed to be making marzipan fruits...
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Swaddling - I had loads of lovely cloths of various brands that were supposed to do this and after 2 weeks I gave up the struggle! Daisy just went mental if you tried to hold her arms down. To be honest she didn''t really need to be swaddled as she didn''t fail around and once she was asleep she stayed asleep (getting there wasn''t always fun though!).

TDM - Don''t have any advice I''m afraid. Despite having had more bouts of major depressive illness than I would wish on my worst enemy, I really cope badly being with depressed people! I know that sounds awful, but I''m so bad at reading non-verbal signals that I spend the whole time feeling like I''m making things worse...

Good luck with your decision and don''t feel guilty if you decide not to get involved. There are healthcare services for PPD where people are paid to hear one feel crappy and miserable and offer support and advice. It is not something that you have to do.

Love all the photos, they''re all growing up so quickly!

Talking of which, someone told me that once they can walk they''re no longer a baby but a toddler. Is this true?
 
Oh Blen, sorry to hear about your injury!
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Do you think it's something you need to get checked out at the doctor's or chiropractor's?

Pandora, I think that's right about the "toddler" definition.


DH just called to tell me that the UPS guy, ya know, the one who hates me, wrote "met customer woman" in the description for the tracking on the package (giant bike) we got today. Somehow that strikes me funny. "Me customer woman . . . hear me roar!" Plus it was funny because I was so anxious to answer the door before he left that I carried Claire downstairs from the changing table with her diaper not secured.
 
Thanks PG. I''m going to try rest/heat/icing/ibuprofen for a little while and then see how I''m feeling.

Pandora - that''s my impression too. Although I think that 12 mo is also an unofficial cut off sometimes?
 
PhoenixGirl and Pandora,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You know, here is the thing. If she had been a good friend (or if I felt like we really clicked) before, I would be so much more enthusiastic about seeing her through this tough time. I'm no stranger to depression - it's not that her illness is making me shy away from an otherwise solid relationship. It's that I didn't feel like we clicked that well before, but she seemed to think we really did. The funny thing is, I think if she had let the friendship progress at a normal pace, we could maybe have become close. It's the over-eagerness that makes me feel really uncomfortable and then makes me want to back away - far away - from the friendship. For example, we would hang out and have a pretty good time, but then an hour later she'd call me just to chat. And if I didn't answer and didn't return her call promptly, she'd call again later that day. And the next day. Or, she'd tell me way TMI stuff about her husband who I hadn't even met yet. Ugh.... I hate these types of situations. By the way, this woman is in her late 30s. Old enough to have figured out how friendships usually work, I would think!

PG, I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend. What a lovely way to remember him with Claire's name! I'm sure it meant the world to him that you were there to talk during his rough time. You are totally right about my situation, nobody wants to be a pity friend. I hadn't thought about it in those terms but yeah. I wouldn't want that if the situation were reversed, either. The thing is that I DO usually enjoy her company when we are actually hanging out, but not all the other stuff that comes along with it.

Pandora, thanks for being so candid about mental health stuff on here. In my opinion it is not talked about enough, and I have always appreciated your insight and honesty.

CIO night 4 was awesome. Almost too good. He slept 14 hours. I actually woke him up because it didn't seem normal to sleep that long. I think he may have woken up, played in his crib, then gone down for his morning nap. Who knows, but I haven't felt this well rested since before he was born!

Blen So sorry about your injury. That really sucks. Advil is usually my go-to for that kind of thing. Feel better soon!
 
Whoa TDM, that''s like crazy stalker in a movie type of behavior! I''d be wary too.

And yay on the good night''s sleep!
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Heeeellllllllooooooo (said in that Jerry Seinfeld voice). Long time, no post~ Just been busy and tired. blah blah blah.

Blen - I often sleep funny on an old (football) injury (kidding about the football)...and cannot move my arm. It's terrible because I cant even hold Romy when it flares up. Anyhoo, when this happens, I get my Dh to massage my upper arm viggorously, I ice it, and take ibuprofin. That usually helps relieve the pain enough that I can function. For me, only time really settles it down. So sorry about your injury! Take care!!

TDM - YEY about CIO! It really is so great (at the right time). It sounds ilke you and A are getting some goooooood sleep. Congrats!

I'm going to go back and re-read posts to try to get caught up...I just had to start somewhere.

OH! Speaking of pity friends...I have one too. We went to grade school together and recently re-connected in the neighbourhood. As it turns out, she is a single mom of 3 "oops's" from different Daddies, and has some pretty low self-esteem. I set boundaries by a) returning her phone calls when it is convenient to me, b) don't overpromise anything, c) try to stay univolved in her life. Its really tough because she doesnt have a lot of friends and aaalllways wants my ear to moan about her problems. I sympathize with you....its a tough situation to be in, but my advice is to NOT get too involved. Limit your phone conversations to x amount per month (2-3?) and only agree to get together once or twice max a month. Just be "really busy" and avoid....


Phoenix - i find you really funny. Like, I like your sense of humour. lol!

I'm still a whale. 15 lbs over my pre-preggo weight. OY!!!
hope that helps!

Romeo is almost 7 months (on the 31st) and we're kiiiiiiiiind of getting closer to some milestones. He's still not rolling, but at least he's making attempts. Hopefully soon. He's babbling more now, but still not a ton. He's my quiet little angel. He sits up by himself really really well. Phew. ONE thing at least. lol. I just love him. I can't wait to celebrate his first Christmas!!

Also, the pics of all the LOs are SOOOOO cute. What a beautiful bunch!
 
Blen - sorry about your injury! Take care and I hope you feel better soon.

Mela - Hello
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I say enjoy your little angel for as long as you can! Lex is an absolute madman and doesn't stay still for even a second. And I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not! It's utterly exhausting. My DH and I say everyday how much trouble we're in once he's a toddler
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ETA - and you are SO not a whale! You look fantastic!
 
CDT - My BFF had a little girl who was restless too. She was exhausting just to watch!! lol. Romeo is almost like, watching someone after they''ve smoked a big joint. He sits, chuckles, even laughs, eats, sleeps, and chills. That about sums him up.
 
Ok, so I laughed out loud reading a bunch of posts today. Here is my list:

Pheonix Your itemized list of thoughts. Too funny.
TDM He woke played and went back to sleep for his morning nap. DH and I cracked up at that! I think he has just been sleep deprived and is catching up, Hunter did that at first too. It will even out.
Blen Those pictures! Hunter did the same thing. And I say SUE THE BASTARDS where you fell
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Pandora Baking marzipan fruits. WTH?? You are such a great mass of contradictions woman.

And the piece de resistance



Date: 12/22/2009 9:13:15 PM
Author: mela lu
CDT - My BFF had a little girl who was restless too. She was exhausting just to watch!! lol. Romeo is almost like, watching someone after they've smoked a big joint. He sits, chuckles, even laughs, eats, sleeps, and chills. That about sums him up.
Click to expand...

BWAAAHAHAHAAAAAA... I totally thought we would have a kid like that because we are both like that. Nope, we got a wild man!

AFM I am 2lbs from pre-preggo!
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Took 10 months. Slllooooow. But I had like 55/60 lbs to drop and I really I haven't done anythng but BF so I suppose I should be grateful. Now I plan to BF for another year so I can lost the other 20lbs I would like to lose
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Date: 12/22/2009 8:32:07 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
Whoa TDM, that''s like crazy stalker in a movie type of behavior! I''d be wary too.


And yay on the good night''s sleep!
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Click to expand...

Yeah - I''ve unkindly nicknamed her "stalker neighbor" (just to myself - and now on PS!)
 
Date: 12/22/2009 10:32:05 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

TDM He woke played and went back to sleep for his morning nap. DH and I cracked up at that! I think he has just been sleep deprived and is catching up, Hunter did that at first too. It will even out.

AFM I am 2lbs from pre-preggo!
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Took 10 months. Slllooooow. But I had like 55/60 lbs to drop and I really I haven't done anythng but BF so I suppose I should be grateful. Now I plan to BF for another year so I can lost the other 20lbs I would like to lose
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Click to expand...

So glad to contribute to the laughs of the day!
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OK, may I just say I am jealous of your weight loss? I still have 15 lb to go at 9 months, and I am WORKING OUT LIKE CRAZY. I have been doing the Jillian Michaels Making The Cut and running too. Her plan is for 30 days and I just keep repeating it. With running on top. I work out at least 5 x a week. What is wrong with my body? Seriously, something. But like I said to Phoenixgirl the other day I am trying to be positive because at least it is trending in the right direction.

Mela Sorry to hear you have a pity friend too :)

What is wrong with me that I keep wanting to confuse Blen and PG? Did you have similar avatars for a while or similar e-rings or something? Your posts really don't remind me of eachother, but for some reason I am always wanting to call you each by the other's name!

ETA Yep, it's the similar style of e-rings. Kind of scary that my brain made that connection.
 
Blen - I forgot to comment on the Santa pics!! Poor George! Hopefully next year he'll like Santa more.

Mela - OMG!!! Your description of Romy is freakin hysterical!!! Oh how I wish! My DH is super laidback so I was hoping Lex would take after him, but nope...he takes after his crazed mother
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I definitely can't sit still and have a hard time "relaxing" so I guess I know where he gets it from.

I was thinking last night though about their personalities and how their names just "fit." Like Romeo sounds like a name for a peaceful laidback kind of guy...a "lover not a fighter." And my cousin had said to me she thought Lex sounded like a name for a big football player kind of guy....and Lex is definitely big and we call him our little linebacker because he's just so active and rough!! Just something I was thinking about while trying to fall asleep last night
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Oh and my DH and I have already decided that Lex will be the kid no one wants at their house! You know the kid yelling and running around like an animal...yup yup....that'll be Lex
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TDM - not sure if I commented, but sorry about your crazy neighbor! That's a tough situation to be in, I'd probably just try to avoid her as much as possible
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Dreamer - congrats on the weight loss!! I'm super jealous!
 
Dreamer - MEGA Congrats on the weight loss!!!!! That is super good. BF has been kind to you. I''m hoping, now that I''m off the Domperidone, that my body can do it''s thing and start losing weight instead of hanging on to it. I think the Domperidone affected my appetite (or at least it *felt* that way) and I was super hungry all the time. I feel more ''normal'' now.

CDT - I agree! Romeo really suits his name. He is a gentle lover indeed. He''ll sit and quietly "flirt" with people, and when I nurse him, he gently touches my face and lips. He''s such a tactile explorer. His fingers are always caressing something. I agree LEX suits his name too - GOOD JOB Moms! We picked the right names for our LOs!

I''ve been having mensural-like cramps for the past two days. I wonder if AFF is coming? I haven''t seen her since July 2008!!!!!
 
Mela - Romy sounds so laid back, you''re lucky! Kyle is more on the lines of Hunter and Lex, always moving and exploring.

Dreamer - Woohoo for almost back to PP weight!

TDM - good luck with stalker neighbor, sorry I don''t have any advise...

***

So Kyle *almost* took a step last night! He''s been standing up on his own a bit, he''ll pull up on the couch/coffee table/my legs, grab a toy, then let go and hold it in both hands and stand on his own. He''s done the standing thing for up to about a minute straight, so his balance is getting good. Last night DH called to him while he was standing, he put one foot forward, and fell down to his knees. We pulled to camera out to try to get him to do it again on video, but by then he was over it, and the dog kept getting in the way
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. So maybe by newyears he won''t be a baby anymore, he''ll be a toddler
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. (he''s a week past 10 months)
 
Wow Mgal! 10 months and one week - GOOOO KYLE!! He''ll be moving in no time. GAK! :)
 
He can already crawl faster than you''d think possible, and get into everything! It''s only going to get worse when he''s walking
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. When he started crawling and pulling up in September I predicted that he''s be walking by x-mas, and at this rate he might be close!
 
Go Kyle!!! So exciting
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I think you''re right, he''ll likely be walking by new years
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Go Kyle Go!

Mela - LOVE your description of Romeo. LOL! I''m looking forward to Christmas too but am a little scared. I mean, first grandchild on both sides and we have NO storage space.

DD - that thought went through my mind too. I''m really hoping that I just pulled something and that it will get better with time. I mean, I was holding onto the handrail with that arm throughout the entire fall and so I think my shoudler just got very wrenched around. Thankfully DH was the one holding George at the time. And GREAT on the weight!!

TDM - I''m stalled at 8 lb and am also doing Jillian Michaels, but the 30 Day Shred in my case. I''m finding that I lose it in a big spurt and then stall and then repeat, dunno why that is. And that is funny about the e-rings. No real ideas on stalker neighbor. Hmm.

I think my 5 min of computer time before being back on baby duty is officially up. Later!
 
Blen: We draw names at our house because the gift giving was getting out of control...but my parents were like, "We all have to get something for Evan." So he''s going to clean up this year (he''s the only grandchild on my side of the family)...like you, we have no storage, so hopefully we don''t get anything too big. Also, sorry to hear that you hurt yourself. Hope you feel better soon!

Mela: Your description of Romy was hilarious---I think our boys might be similar in that they are both just really laid back. Well Evan is so far---He''s content to just sit back and stare at paintings all day long if we let him.

TDM: I have no advice for your crazy neighbor. Other than just always say you''re busy and eventually she''ll get the hint.

Crying it Out: I know that Evan is too young for this (and I''m not ready to do it yet either) but at what age did most of you try it? 6 months?

UPS People: Yesterday, the UPS guy came by but I had a fussy baby happening so I couldn''t get to the door. I asked my husband why the UPS guy was even here and he told me it was my Christmas present from Tiffany''s! Man--I wish I had opened the door!

Mustang: Congrats on Kyle nearly taking that first step...it sounds like he will be walking by New Years....man that''s crazy!



What is is with husbands not dressing babies properly? I woke up last night and found my husband on the couch wrapped in a blanket...and I''m like "Where is the baby!?" He has the baby in the carseat asleep with just a tiny onesie on! No blanket, no socks, no leg warmers, nothing. Our heater has been acting up so it''s been kinda cold in our apartment....I had some words with him this morning! He told me he was just so excited that the baby was asleep that he just wasn''t thinking.

Also, we are now transitioning Evan into his crib. The grunting was out of control and keeping us up. So today I''ve been using the crib for his naps to get him used to it. He''s doing better than I thought he would....It took three tries for his afternoon nap before he finally stayed asleep for longer then 5 minutes...but he managed to get a nice hour in....hopefully this will keep up. It makes me sad though seeing him in the crib---he looks so tiny in it!!
 
Tao - good for you for transitioning early. Its easier when they''re younger ;) We did CIO at 16 weeks successfully ;)
 
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