PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[Burk]

Mandarine~I cannot imagine how exhausted you must be. I just had one baby (good sleeper) and I had moments where I felt very much like you do. I agree with Janine and tao that your DH needs to get on board, if only for weekends. My DH did all the early mornings on weekends when T was little and just those 2 days of sleeping in were my savior!! How old are the boys again? I know you said you''re not ready to CIO but maybe if they wake before you think they''re ready to eat let them fuss a little before going in there? If it turns into a cry, then go in but give it a little time first. Maybe you''re already doing that. As for pacis, T could not for the life of her keep hers in her mouth by herself either (to the point where I thought she had tongue thrust issues and had to take her to OT!!) But, by 5 months or so she figured it out and that was a life savor! Unfortunately all babies go through sleep regression for any number of reasons. I hope your little guys figure it out quickly for you!!

 

[Mandarine]

Thanks.

My problem is not with DH. I know that whatever arrangement I propose to him, he will go with it and do it....and I''m ok and agree that while I''m still home with them, this is my full time job....right now he needs the full sleep during the week more than I do because I needs to be able to concentrate at work (and he''s job is very intense). I will get a full night/morning this weekend and he knows it....this is the first time I ask for 100% help for one full night/morning. It''s just not easy with two babies for a guy...it''s just not. He''s gotten more comfortable with it and that''s why I''m ok asking now. He is helpful during the day and always stays up for late night feedings so that I can get some sleep earlier in the night.

In any case, he''s not my problem. My problem is the babies and the fact that I don''t know what I''m doing wrong or how I can make it better. I''m frustrated and sad with stupid thoughts that come in my head. I just don''t understand why it''s getting worse and not better...or at least stay the same.

I get mad when I hear about people that have one baby that started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I know it''s stupid for me to get mad...but like I said, I don''t have rational thoughts when I''m so tired.

 

[MustangGal]

Manderine - I''m sorry! I think you need to get your DH to help out more. Even though he''s "working", and you''re not, he should be helping! And since they don''t nap well, there''s no way for you to catch up on the sleep during the day either. Maybe try going to bed a bit earlier? I remember going to sleep at like 8pm for a few weeks

. And have your DH take 1 of the night wake-ups during the week, and all the weekend ones. I can''t imagine doing it alone with 2 of them!

 

[Burk]

Mandarine~I''m sorry you''re so frustrated and lack of sleep does not help! Unfortunately ALL babies do this or some form of sleep regression at some point. It''s like once you think you are in a routine and have things figured out, they change!! It almost certainly has NOTHING to do with you! Oh, and people who say their babies sleep through the night at 7 weeks are LYING!!!!

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you Burk. I really wish they would take the stupid paci...

I need to start letting them fuss more...I''m just always to afraid they''re going to wake up the other one.

I think I may separate them...not sure how that would work or where I could move one crib to, but maybe it''s the only way to do it.

On top of everything I''m trying to diet and workout...but seriously....the other day I thought I was going to pass out after running 4 miles. It''s just not easy to do it sleep deprived...but seeing myself in the mirror also gets me depressed....so I feel like I don''t have a choice.

You know what I feel like doing right now (other than keep crying)...I wish I could have a rum drink and then go to sleep. Yes, at 10am. That''s exactly what I want to do. Get a nice buzz and go to bed in my dark room with the AC pumping.

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 1/19/2010 10:34:42 AM
Author: Burk
Oh, and people who say their babies sleep through the night at 7 weeks are LYING!!!!

That''s what I tell myself....hehe

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 1/19/2010 10:31:22 AM
Author: MustangGal
Manderine - I''m sorry! I think you need to get your DH to help out more. Even though he''s ''working'', and you''re not, he should be helping! And since they don''t nap well, there''s no way for you to catch up on the sleep during the day either. Maybe try going to bed a bit earlier? I remember going to sleep at like 8pm for a few weeks

. And have your DH take 1 of the night wake-ups during the week, and all the weekend ones. I can''t imagine doing it alone with 2 of them!

I know if I asked him he would do it.

He says that even when he does, I get up anyway (he''s right). I just wonder if he needs help or whatever. I''m stupid, I know.

 

[Burk]

Rum, that sounds amazing!

The paci thing really frustrated me too because I could tell that it helped soothe her, she just couldn''t keep the darn thing in. I would keep offering it. I certainly don''t know how it works with 2 (I''m already stressing that the new baby is going to wake my 2 year old!) so maybe separating them is the way to go but I would maybe try one night of letting them fuss a little more and just see what happens? Worst case scenario one wakes the other- you''re not out much since they''re keeping you up most of the night anyway!

As for the working out, I can totally relate to feeling upset at your body. I am very athletic and have always been fit so I was mad at my body for not just going right back to where it was. But, your health and sleep are what''s important and if you''re not getting enough sleep to work out the way you are you may need to tone it back a bit until your body can handle it. The boys will eventually sleep better and your body will eventually be where you want it, it''s just going to take some time.

 

[taovandel]

Does your family live in the area? One thing we do when we are both just sooo tired....we ask the grandparents to take him off our hands for the night and we go out on a date night and go to bed and sleep in. We''ve only done it twice (He''s almost three months) but it''s been a life saver sometimes.


I think seperating them might help out just so then you can let them fuss a bit to see if they are really waking up or just fussing in their sleep (Evan will fuss from about 6:30 a.m. until he officially wakes up at 7:30. Now that I figured this out I don''t have to jump out of bed so early). But then I guess logistically you''d have to figure out how to seperate them.


Also, glad you cleared up that the husband does help out---I was ready to call him and fuss him out...

 

[phoenixgirl]

Mandy, you are so beautiful! You look great! But I hear ya on not liking how you look. When I saw my shadow plodding around the running trail at the park yesterday, I thought to myself that I resembled a teletubby.

And it doesn''t help that I keep getting lapped by super fast people (it''s a one mile course, so they have to be running a lot faster to do that!). I just think to myself, "I bet you didn''t have a baby 12 weeks ago!" when that happens. But seriously, don''t be too hard on yourself on that account. You had twins. Twins! And you look better than lots of women who never even had a single baby!

Maybe you could try the twilight feed/tanking them up again. I know it hasn''t worked in the past, but every few days our babies get to be so different. I''ve been giving Claire a 9(ish) p.m. feeding these days even if I think she would have gone down for the night without it, and so far she hasn''t woken up earlier than 2:45 (and usually much later).

Pacis: do they fall out when the boys are swaddled or at all times? I swear Claire is sleeping easier now because she can hold her little arm next to her mouth to keep the pacifier in. If I''d know this would happen, I would have ditched the Miracle Blanket earlier. I used to have to hold the pacifier in her mouth to get her to sleep. And she''s more game to be put down fully awake in her crib because she can entertain herself with her attempts to use her arms with purpose.

You are right to ask for help, but I think maybe this calls for a grandparent to come visit? Your DH can help for a night or two, but it just makes things more stressful if he gets tired or if you feel like you''ve used up all your favors with him for a while.

I really feel for you! Two nights ago Claire woke up at 3:45 and 7:00. Last night she woke up at 2:45 and 5:45. If she were two babies doing that during the same night, I would be going crazy!

Can your dad or mom come back to help? My mom scheduled an extra visit when I started sobbing about how tired I was . . . That''s what grandparents are for!

 

[taovandel]

About a month ago I wound up having to take all the feedings and I wound up crying while holding my baby when my husband left for work at like 4 a.m. because I was so exhausted....I went over to my parents house for breakfast and wound up taking a nap in the other room. As I was slowly waking up I heard my dad ask why she was letting me sleep while she was watching the baby and she told my dad, "Because that''s what grandparents do!" I nearly cried again because that nap was everything I needed and she understood that.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Mandy-i just lurk on this thread mostly, but I wanted to say you are doing great! It sounds like you relaly need some sleep and hopefully you''ll get that this Fri-Sat when DH has to take the reins

Maybe consider going somewhere else to sleep so taht you cna''t get interrupted.

Putting them in their cribs and wakling away is totally ok. I was a full-time live-in nanny for infant twins and their 4 year old sister, and the mom didn''t really do much with the twins so I did everything (feeding, changing, schedule, nebulizers, bedtime, morning, time, tummy time, you name it..)

They are probably having sleep regression b/c they are workingt hrough a new developmental phase. It won''t always be this rough

Separating them might help alot b/c you''ll be more comfortable letting them each fuss longer even if they are too young for CIO.

Also, take it easy on yourself with the diet and exercise plan. I know that you want to get back in shape, but your body just did something really amazing in creating two little human beings. And their first year of life outside of your body is as draining (if not more physically draiining) as the 9-10 months inside of you. make sure that you are eating enough and maybe scale back the running...?

 

[Mandarine]

Thanks guys. I just took a 30 minute nap while the boys took a cat nap and I feel a little better. Although they both woke up crying, which obviously means they didn''t sleep enough...but I digress....

PG They just don''t suck on the paci''s. They look like they are about to throw up when I put it in their mouths and basically they just leave them there while I''m forcing them to!...but once I stop trying to force them to suck n it, they spit it out....

You know, I almost think the twilight feeding is what messed them up because it is since then that they''re sleeping horribly! So I''m too afraid to try again!

My parents can''t really come...they live overseas so it''s just not that easy for them to come and go

Tao My sister lives about 1.5 hours away but she has kids of her own...so it''s tough for her to come up and even if she does, she has to get back to her house to pick up the kids, etc. My MIL lives very close..but I don''t think she''s ready to stay by herself with both babies...unless they are sleeping, of course!. She can stay with them an hour here and there, but won''t do both completely by herself (I can''t blame her!).

Bella Thank you so much

I hope you''re right!!!

Burk Doesn''t a rum drink sound heavenly?

 

[taovandel]

Is it weird that I''m getting nervous about taking Evan out with me today? Like I''m really nervous about having to take him out to the grocery store and possibly to go and buy some shoes for work. I''ve taken him out before but never by myself. I just don''t want him to start screaming and for people to think I''m a terrible mom who can''t control their baby. I know this is completely irrational as no one will really think that way about a tiny 3 month old....but still it''s in the back of my mind. I keep playing through how to do everything and I get nervous---like what if I find an outfit I want to try on...how do I fit the stroller and him in with me to try it on! I know I could just use the larger dressing room but for some reason I''m completely paranoid.

Sorry for my rambling.....I''m a little embarrassed that I just posted this.

 

[sunkist]

Tao, don''t be embarassed. I felt like this before, sometimes still do. So I''m sure everyone does

Does Evan normally fall asleep in the carseat? This is a lifesaver for me, Wes will fall asleep and I finally got a stroller that my carseat attaches to so I don''t have to wake him while running errands. Then I have a pacifier as a backup if he starts to fuss and that buys me some time to finish what I''m doing and get out of there. I do keep it in the back of my mind that I''ll have to be ready to drop my errands if baby can''t take it anymore and just go home. BUT! Since you are going to places with fitting rooms you could just feed him in there if you need a private place! Then he''ll hopefully be happy again and let you finish trying on clothes.

Good luck, Tao! I hope you can get some things done

 

[so cal girl]

Oh Mandarine, I just wanted to pop on to say I feel your pain. Little E is all over the board with his sleep schedule, and it frustrates the crap out of me, and there is only one of him! He is almost 16 weeks, and wakes up at least twice a night. For a week, I got him to only wake up once, but he regressed the next week.

I know you feel like your husband needs more rest because he has to work, but believe me, you need just as much rest as he does to watch two babies all day long! I would do all of the feedings at night while I was on maternity leave, and my husband kept saying he could help. Seeing as how he gets up for work at 4:30 every morning, I figured I''d just stomach it. That just made as both grumpy. Now that I''m back at work, I still do the night feeding because I''m breastfeeding, but I will let him get up to soothe little E if I think he''s not hungry, or change a diaper. Even if it gives me an extra 5-10 minutes of sleep, it helps.

I know what it feels like to think that you''re doing something wrong. I wrote a post asking for sleep training advice a couple of weeks ago because I was convinced that since he wasn''t sleeping through the night at 3 months, I was doing something horribly wrong. I did get some encouragement that it is normal, so you may want to take a look at that thread.

Anyway, I hope your one night off does you some good. I did get my husband to agree to take one full night once, and I even loaded him up with bottles. You know what happened? The baby ended up sleeping from 9:30 pm to about 5:30 am! WTF?!

 

[taovandel]

he does fall asleep in the car seat....pretty much everytime...and the times we''ve taken out he hasn''t ever fussed (well once but it was past his bedtime and we were trying to finish up xmas shopping)....my fear is completely irrational! haha...I''ll get over it soon.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Tao, I have the same fear. The first time I took Claire to the grocery store, I gave her a speech about how we were strong, independent women who were perfectly capable of completing such a task by ourselves. The speech was mostly for me.

Mandy, does your MIL have a crib? What if she took just one of the boys for a night once in a while? The boys would get more individual attention and you''d have a better night''s sleep.

My final suggestion is kind of crazy, and you''d have to get over feeling bad about asking for help, but I''d seriously put an update on FB like this: "Mandarine is exhausted. If anyone is willing to do twin duty so DH and I can sleep some night, I''ll be in your debt forever." I bet you''d be surprised how many people will offer to help (even if it''s just to come over until 1 am or during the day so you can take a nap), and that way you won''t have to ask any single person and feel like they can''t say no. I would totally do that for a friend, especially a friend with twins and parents overseas.

 

[sunkist]

Date: 1/19/2010 1:36:39 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
Tao, I have the same fear. The first time I took Claire to the grocery store, I gave her a speech about how we were strong, independent women who were perfectly capable of completing such a task by ourselves. The speech was mostly for me.

heehee! PG, I can just see you giving that speech to Claire

I love it!

Mandy, I''m so sorry that the boys are giving you a rough time! Just remember, they''re not doing it to be mean to you

They just need your love and care. BUT I understand how getting up every hour is totally annoying!!

I don''t know if you can really influence a baby''s sleep habits when they are this young. I''m trying to figure this out for myself too!

I read everywhere that babies this young will eat when they want/need to and will sleep when they want/need to. So I''ve just been watching Wes''s cues and going off that. And when I try to influence him to say go to bed earlier, he won''t have it! So I guess I''m saying, I have no idea what you can do but tell them that you love them... I hope you find some answers, cause I''m looking for them too!

 

[Mandarine]

Tao Once you start going out enough you will become addicted to going out with him!. I was also terrified of going out with these two by myself....for the same reasons you were. I got encouragement from the girls here and so out I went. Now I take them out almost every single day...to the zoo, to the mall, to walk along the beach, to Marshalls, to Target...you name it. They actually behave better outside the house than in the house! and when they do fuss I just try my best to soothe them. I''m not an expert at feeding them in the Nordstrom''s women''s lounge at the mall! I put their car seats next to each other in the sofa and I stand up and feed them both at the same time. I get funny comments from the ladies going in to use the restroom...but it works so well!.

SoCal Thank you so much! OMG I would actually be upset if they sleep through when it''s DH turn to care for the!!!

PG MIL doesn''t have a crib...but even if she did I think I rather have someone take both babies or none. I still have to be up so might as well have them both KWIM?. It''s like one time she asked me how she could help me. I said by coming in at 6am and taking the morning shift! She said "of course, but I can''t do it alone". Well, if I have to get up anyway, then what''s the point?. I guess I am used to do everything at the same time (feed, burp, etc)...but for other people it seems like it''s too hard. Again, I don''t blame them because it is hard and I just have the benefit of practice! but if I have to be up anyway...I actually just rather be up by myself. That sound really bitter...hehe...but that way I can watch whatever I want and play with them however I want.

I don''t want to post anything in FB because then I get all these "experts" that tell me what I need to do (let them cry, do this, do that, etc)....last time I said something I got some responses that ticked me off, so I''m trying to stay away from posting too much detail there!

DH just came home for lunch to help me and to play with them a little....He mentioned maybe I need to leave the house one night so I can really rest.

I suck at asking for help and apparently I also suck at taking it when it''s given to me. I was the same way at work!

DH just pointed out all the times this past weekend he was taking care of things and I would get up anyway. ....*sigh* what is wrong with me!!!???

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 1/19/2010 1:48:19 PM
Author: sunkist

Date: 1/19/2010 1:36:39 PM

Author: phoenixgirl

Tao, I have the same fear. The first time I took Claire to the grocery store, I gave her a speech about how we were strong, independent women who were perfectly capable of completing such a task by ourselves. The speech was mostly for me.

heehee! PG, I can just see you giving that speech to Claire

I love it!


Mandy, I''m so sorry that the boys are giving you a rough time! Just remember, they''re not doing it to be mean to you

They just need your love and care. BUT I understand how getting up every hour is totally annoying!!

I don''t know if you can really influence a baby''s sleep habits when they are this young. I''m trying to figure this out for myself too!

I read everywhere that babies this young will eat when they want/need to and will sleep when they want/need to. So I''ve just been watching Wes''s cues and going off that. And when I try to influence him to say go to bed earlier, he won''t have it! So I guess I''m saying, I have no idea what you can do but tell them that you love them... I hope you find some answers, cause I''m looking for them too!

I know what you mean.

Last night telling them I loved them was truly the last thing in my mind

I think I kept saying "are you kidding me!!!??" "What is wrong with you!!!!?"

I know...bad, bad Mandarine

 

[Blenheim]

George has had a fever for a couple of days now, and we have had a ROUGH few nights over here.

He was up every 20 minutes or so from midnight to 3 am last night, and then spent 3-4 am sobbing hysterically. Last night wasn''t as bad, but the night before he was quite literally up every 10 minutes for a couple of hours and I gave up trying to sleep entirely. I know that he''s not sleeping well because he doesn''t feel well, and so we''re trying to just rub his back and comfort him and give him Tylenol every once in a while instead of trying to make any type of stand regarding how many wakeups are acceptable. But it is BRUTAL. And today I feel like I may be coming down with something on top of it. His fever seems to be gone today, and so I really have my fingers crossed that tonight goes better, because I also can''t take another night of this.

Mandy - DH said those same things last night to him. Completely normal. I honestly don''t have any suggestions that haven''t already been said, but lots of sympathy. Hugs.

 

[Dreamer_D]

re Husbands "helping" This is how I look at it -- when I am at home all day caring for the kids, that is work, harder work that being at a job all day IMHO, and I have done both so I should know

. So I feel that when hubby gets home from his job, at night and also on weekends, then things should be split 50/50. Just my views on things! Luckily DH agrees, or does now

 

[neatfreak]

Ok Mandarine, first HUGS girl. It is SO HARD to raise twins. You are doing a GREAT job.

Now the tough love.

1. DON''T you DARE be so hard on yourself! It is so hard to raise twins. It is OK to cry. It is ok to be exhausted beyond belief. There were times when mine were little that I literally would put them in their cribs to cry and I would go take a hot shower and cry myself. Not often, but sometimes it just needs to happen. And it''s ok. And normal.

2. Unfortunately they will sleep regress. It happens. Unfortunately just when you get into a new routine they regress. Stay strong and know that it''ll get better slowly. I think it''s best to let them learn to sleep with the other one crying. So although you''ll have a few rough nights where one wakes the other up, if possible I would try to keep them in the same room so they get used to it. At this point mine generally don''t wake each other up but they did when they were little.

3. Have you tried having DH sleep with the PnP''s in the living room or something like that, and then putting a noise machine on in your room when you get a night off? A mother''s instinct is so strong to wake up when dad is "in charge" that I had to block it out completely. Earplugs also work well or this.

4. Don''t let your DH off the hook so easily. Yes, it''s hard. But it''s hard for EVERYONE. Not just men. He can handle it if you let him. Remember, he won''t do things exactly as you would but chances are he won''t kill the kids either.

Don''t run to his aid all the time or he will never learn. My DH can handle twins as can MANY of husbands in my twin playgroup. The only ones who "can''t" are the ones where the wife jumps in all the time. Trust me, he can handle it if you let him. Not only that, but he needs to HELP YOU before and after work. Yes, this may be your full time job but you don''t get to leave at 5 and come home and relax so neither does he. Make him take weekend shifts. Make him get up an extra 30 minutes early in the morning so that he can make bottles for you and make you some coffee and breakfast. There are other ways he can help besides taking night feedings.

5. Babies cry. They do. It won''t kill them. Sometimes with twins you just can''t get to them both. You won''t be a perfect mom and they will turn out just fine. I think sometimes remembering that you are doing your very best and that will be good enough helps a LOT on the really tough days.

Last, have you considered going to talk with someone? Obviously we just get a smattering on here but if you find yourself irrationally upset and sad most of the time it could be PPD. It doesn''t always set in right away, so if you think this is going beyond the point of just frustration, call someone. It''ll be worth it, those hormones can really mess you up.

Hang in there and I am always just a call away if you need me. It gets better I promise!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/19/2010 10:29:53 AM
Author: Mandarine
Thanks.

My problem is not with DH. I know that whatever arrangement I propose to him, he will go with it and do it....and I''m ok and agree that while I''m still home with them, this is my full time job....right now he needs the full sleep during the week more than I do because I needs to be able to concentrate at work (and he''s job is very intense). I will get a full night/morning this weekend and he knows it....this is the first time I ask for 100% help for one full night/morning. It''s just not easy with two babies for a guy...it''s just not. He''s gotten more comfortable with it and that''s why I''m ok asking now. He is helpful during the day and always stays up for late night feedings so that I can get some sleep earlier in the night.

In any case, he''s not my problem. My problem is the babies and the fact that I don''t know what I''m doing wrong or how I can make it better. I''m frustrated and sad with stupid thoughts that come in my head. I just don''t understand why it''s getting worse and not better...or at least stay the same.

I get mad when I hear about people that have one baby that started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I know it''s stupid for me to get mad...but like I said, I don''t have rational thoughts when I''m so tired.

Mandy, hon, babies change and develop so fast and with that development comes sleep disturbance and changes in their behaviour! Hunter was the BEST sleeper until 12 weeks and then it all went out the pooper and he woke 4 times a night. It wasn''t anything we did differently, it is normal for kiddos to wake more often at night when they start becoming little people instead of house plants!

I feel very strongly that a mother''s biggest enemy in life is "shoulds" and guilt and taking too much responsibility for what our kids do... and don''t do! We have some control, most definitely, but I firmly believe that we cannot and should not take too much credit when our kids do things "right", and we cannot and should not take too much credit when things go "wrong" either. They are little people with their own biology and their own wills, and we can help things along but we cannot control them. I know that some parents believe very firmly that they have a huge measure of control about how their kids behave and sleep. But I have noticed that those parents tend to have children who are more placid personalities, and are more amenable and compliant by nature. Sure, you can parent your way into a big ol'' mess if you are not careful, but you can also get there when you do everything right.

Anyways, one of my big philosophies of motherhood is to strive to parent without guilt. It is a constant battle, but I don''t think it makes me a better parent or a better person, and it certainly doesn''t make me happy, so I aim to delete it from my thinking!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/19/2010 3:00:28 PM
Author: neatfreak
Ok Mandarine, first HUGS girl. It is SO HARD to raise twins. You are doing a GREAT job.

Now the tough love.

1. DON''T you DARE be so hard on yourself! It is so hard to raise twins. It is OK to cry. It is ok to be exhausted beyond belief. There were times when mine were little that I literally would put them in their cribs to cry and I would go take a hot shower and cry myself. Not often, but sometimes it just needs to happen. And it''s ok. And normal.

2. Unfortunately they will sleep regress. It happens. Unfortunately just when you get into a new routine they regress. Stay strong and know that it''ll get better slowly. I think it''s best to let them learn to sleep with the other one crying. So although you''ll have a few rough nights where one wakes the other up, if possible I would try to keep them in the same room so they get used to it. At this point mine generally don''t wake each other up but they did when they were little.

3. Have you tried having DH sleep with the PnP''s in the living room or something like that, and then putting a noise machine on in your room when you get a night off? A mother''s instinct is so strong to wake up when dad is ''in charge'' that I had to block it out completely. Earplugs also work well or this.

4. Don''t let your DH off the hook so easily. Yes, it''s hard. But it''s hard for EVERYONE. Not just men. He can handle it if you let him. Remember, he won''t do things exactly as you would but chances are he won''t kill the kids either.

Don''t run to his aid all the time or he will never learn. My DH can handle twins as can MANY of husbands in my twin playgroup. The only ones who ''can''t'' are the ones where the wife jumps in all the time. Trust me, he can handle it if you let him. Not only that, but he needs to HELP YOU before and after work. Yes, this may be your full time job but you don''t get to leave at 5 and come home and relax so neither does he. Make him take weekend shifts. Make him get up an extra 30 minutes early in the morning so that he can make bottles for you and make you some coffee and breakfast. There are other ways he can help besides taking night feedings.

5. Babies cry. They do. It won''t kill them. Sometimes with twins you just can''t get to them both. You won''t be a perfect mom and they will turn out just fine. I think sometimes remembering that you are doing your very best and that will be good enough helps a LOT on the really tough days.

Last, have you considered going to talk with someone? Obviously we just get a smattering on here but if you find yourself irrationally upset and sad most of the time it could be PPD. It doesn''t always set in right away, so if you think this is going beyond the point of just frustration, call someone. It''ll be worth it, those hormones can really mess you up.

Hang in there and I am always just a call away if you need me. It gets better I promise!

Sage advice all. And I wanted to echo the earplugs solution. I wear them *ebery* night now!

And when I have number 2 I will wear them right from the start. I think earplugs sort of dampen the mothering instinct just enough to give Dad a chance to respond.

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you guys.

Neat I was hoping you would chime in. I''m paying close attention for any signs of PPD...but I honestly only feel like this when I don''t get enough sleep (by enough I''m talking like 5 hours!). The past few weeks I have actually felt great. I was getting some decent sleep and was getting out with them (by myself!), exercising (and liking it!) and finding my own little groove. When I don''t sleep for several days in a row though it all goes down hill quickly. Today I have barely played with them...I''m just too tired and too emotional. Thankfully they have been ok today during the day...so I''ve been able to leave them to nap and to entertain themselves...

I know what you mean about DHs...and I agree. I think in my case it''s more my problem. I need to be able to articulate more what I want/need and let him follow through. On Friday AND on Saturday night he asked me if he wanted me to get up and tend to the crying baby (at 3am or so) and I said no. Why? I have no idea. I''m an idiot!. I need to let people help me...starting with DH...especially when he''s ASKING me!

I''m going to the twin''s group meeting tonight and I think just talking to other tired moms will make me feel better. If anything I know I''m not alone!

I know what you mean about keeping them together...I just don''t know if I can do that AND let them fuss more at night before going in.

DD You are so right and I actually do believe that, in theory. I need to keep reminding myself though because sometimes it feels like maybe I''m doing something that I''m not supposed to. Like I start thinking: "I should do that dream feed again", "maybe I''m putting hem to bed too early", "I should have waken the sleeping baby to eat", "I should have soothed them longer rather than giving them the bottle", "I should have this, I should have that"....but I know in my heart I am doing the best I can...and I do what I think it''s best for them...and for me.

**

Fortunately, Alex (the "bad" one) last night has been a dream today. He just took a two hour nap (unheard of from him...he must be exhausted from last night!).

I just got off my PJs (3:30pm)...better late than never right?

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/19/2010 3:37:36 PM
Author: Mandarine
I just got off my PJs (3:30pm)...better late than never right?

Girl I STILL don''t always make it out of my PJ''s!

Really, you are doing a great job. I don''t always feel like playing with my kids either when I am exhausted. It''s normal!

 

[fieryred33143]

Big hugs Mandy! I think Neat and others gave fantastic advice. I can''t imagine how hard it is with twins but you are doing a wonderful job. The boys are growing so well and are adorable! I agree that their sleep patterns change often. It can be so frustrating when you feel like you are on a good schedule and then bam! CHANGES. Hang in there!

L2L-Adorable photo!

And Happy Birthday

PG-GL with your decision!

Sunkist-Love the photos!

Pandora-That would make me so angry also!! People don''t think things through.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Sophia was supposed to have her VCUG/renal ultrasound tomorrow but the pedi just called that they want to repeat the cath and that I need to reschedule. Apparently the cultures came back that there is still an infection so she doesn''t want the dye getting into her bladder or something along those lines. So the cath will be tomorrow. Poor girl

.

In other news, she''s STTN (I may have mentioned it before) and we started solids! She loves sweet potato but wasn''t a fan of green beans. I had to make it really warm in order for her to eat it. Once I did though she ate really well.

She finally "gets" the jumperoo and is absolutely hilarious in it. She starts at one station, plays with the toy, does about 5 jumps, scoots to the next session, and repeat. When she''s done with all the stations, she screams to get out. Hilarious. She also learned how to barrel roll (I think that''s the term

) so when she''s on the floor she rolls all over the place. Still no interest in getting on all 4s but at least she''s moving.

 

[Pandora II]

Mandy - big hugs to you. I have shouted at Daisy more often than I like to remember... normally along the lines of "will you just GO TO SLEEP!" and have plonked her down none to gently on occasion.

I was terrified when I felt that I could actually understand why some people batter their kids - it''s a fine line between keeping self-control when you are sleep deprieved, stressed and feeling miserable. However I was assured by the experts that EVERYONE, no matter how much they love their kids, would like to murder the little angels on occasion.

So, don''t feel guilty at all for getting annoyed with them.

I struggle with one and don''t know how you twin mommies do it - you all deserve medals!

Definitely get DH to take them for a few hours on week-end days so that you can have some quality sleep. Like you I do all the weeknight stuff as DH works, but having those 2 or 3 hours at the weekends makes me feel like a new - and saner- mummy!


Sadly it seems that every time you get a routine working they decide to switch things about. After nearly 3 months of sleeping brilliantly from midnight till morning Daisy has woken up at 6am the last two mornings - I am hoping it''s an anomaly as I just don''t deal well with early hours!

Blen - sorry about George. Hope he feels better soon.

I seem to be coming down with some sore throat/fever type thing - yey...

Hopefully I''ll shake it off in the next day or so - DH''s company are taking us to see Sleeping Beauty at the Royal Opera House and I don''t want to be ill for that.

So excited about Monday and Tuesday when I go back to college for a few hours. Have not solved the babysitter problem so I''ve told DH that I will bring Daisy round to his office at 6pm and then he can have her for the evening. BIL has also offered to do some evenings.

Many thanks all for the dust - they have sent DH a formal offer and now they are working out the details, but it''s above what we hoped already so I''m very happy. The company also has branches in over 50 countries so there is always a chance we might get a posting overseas in the future which would be fantastic.