anchor31
Ideal_Rock
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PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!
- Thread starter neatfreak
- Start date
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
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TravelingGal
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taovandel
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China: E changed his bedtime last night (he was going at 9:00--down from 10:00) He conked out at 8:30 and slept until 6:30! He is 12 weeks today!
Bottles: We do the loading up of the dishwasher--It works for us...but I hate using the dishwasher as much as we do.
Morning feed: Back in the early days (haha) Evan would wake up at 7:00 and DEMAND his breakfast. Now he won''t eat his first bottle until about an hour or so after waking up (I put him on his mat to kick around while I load up the dishwasher and tidy up around the house).
Early Bedtime: I''m also kinda dreading the baby moving up his bedtime...8:30 I can handle--but I feel bad for my husband he won''t get off of work until 7:00 and then it''s a 20 minute drive. He might never see Evan again! I luckily will be getting off of work at 4:00...
RPS: I will have to look into that book! Thanks for the peptalk..lol
Anchor: I saw the pictures before but just wanted to say again how cute!!
Bottles: We do the loading up of the dishwasher--It works for us...but I hate using the dishwasher as much as we do.
Morning feed: Back in the early days (haha) Evan would wake up at 7:00 and DEMAND his breakfast. Now he won''t eat his first bottle until about an hour or so after waking up (I put him on his mat to kick around while I load up the dishwasher and tidy up around the house).
Early Bedtime: I''m also kinda dreading the baby moving up his bedtime...8:30 I can handle--but I feel bad for my husband he won''t get off of work until 7:00 and then it''s a 20 minute drive. He might never see Evan again! I luckily will be getting off of work at 4:00...
RPS: I will have to look into that book! Thanks for the peptalk..lol
Anchor: I saw the pictures before but just wanted to say again how cute!!
vizsla
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amen mandy - thats my guy too... if u figure something out please share
although today charlie has only been taking 30 min naps. lovely.
i guess i need to get more bottles... bleh.... i have been washing by hand, but may just implement the dishwasher schedule.
have a girls night tonight... i get to be out for a whole 3 hours between my pump schedule. oh, half of me just wants to take a nap in my car ;p
does anyone LO sneeze and cough a lot? i worry that it''s allergies or something of the sort. or do all babies do this? i need some mommy friends to ''compare'' so i don''t always feel like something is ''wrong'' with c, ya know?
although today charlie has only been taking 30 min naps. lovely.i guess i need to get more bottles... bleh.... i have been washing by hand, but may just implement the dishwasher schedule.
have a girls night tonight... i get to be out for a whole 3 hours between my pump schedule. oh, half of me just wants to take a nap in my car ;p
does anyone LO sneeze and cough a lot? i worry that it''s allergies or something of the sort. or do all babies do this? i need some mommy friends to ''compare'' so i don''t always feel like something is ''wrong'' with c, ya know?
taovandel
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mela lu
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Mands - My girlfriend also went through this problem. Her LO was basically too tired and cranky to eat. It was a disaster. Basically, by the time meal time hit, they're overtired. I would try either keeping them up a full hour before putting them down for their nap (so, 11am instead of 10:45am) and maybe even feeding them a few minutes earlier to avoid the full-on crank fest. Good luck! This is tricky, but they will outgrow it. They'll just be able to be awake longer
Visz - have fun on your night out. I feel the same way about going out - most of the time I'd rather just sleep.
Anchor - gorgous pics of Jacob
In good news, we avoided the post-bath meltdown tonight by distracting him with the light beam of a flashlight and rediculous noises.
phoenixgirl
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Pan, I think the nursery day sounds great. I'm sure Daisy will have lots of fun and you'll have a little time to do "you" things.
Lysser, I LOVE that pouty face! So cute! I just want to kiss his chubby cheeks!
Sunkist, yeah, the sacral dimple is fairly common. I think I've read all sorts of figures between 2 and 20% as far as the percentage of the population that has one, but either way it's obviously something a lot of people have (and may not even know!). I actually did ask MIL, and she said she didn't know of anyone having it. Hmmm.
Anchor, aw, Jacob is a cutie!
Viz, I totally pretended to be asleep last night when Claire woke up at 4. DH looked over at me and I shut my eyes! It worked because then he got up and got her. Enjoy your girls' night!
Mandy, my parental expertise is really just "make it up as I go along," so take this with a grain of salt, but maybe it would solve both the sleeping and eating problems if when the boys start getting fussy after waking up from a short nap, you feed them right then even if it's been only 2 or 2.5 hours. You might then get in an extra feeding per day, so their overall intake would be more, and maybe they'd go longer at night. And then they might go down for a longer nap the next time. That's what seems to happen with Claire. Maybe you are moving away from napping every cycle and toward two or three bigger naps at this point.
Claire is three months old today! And I have one more week of maternity leave.
When my mom was here, she seemed to be trying to dissuade me from staying home for good, as though she thought I was idealizing being a SAHM. And maybe I am. But it got to the point where she was just contradicting herself and I was totally confused. She said it would be good to keep working to keep me stimulated intellectually, but then she said I should give up the AP classes and teach some remedial classes to keep my workload lower. I was like, then what is the point in keeping my job just for the intellectual stimulation? She was like, oh yeah, um . . . She said, "Staying at home is NOT an answer to stress. It won't solve that problem." And I was like, well, obviously both scenarios contain stress; the key is to figure out which one is best for us and which one causes less stress. She was like, oh yeah, good point. I know she was just trying to be the devil's advocate. We are very similar (she too was a high school and college English teacher) and she wound up staying home, and I think she just wanted me to know that it was hard too. Plus she is of the "women's lib" generation and was the president of the state League of Women Voters, so I think she wants to believe in a world where women can work and have families, almost to a fault. When I was little she was trying to get me interested in science so I would become a female astronaut! She kept referencing my SIL who works full time (my sister works part time but it is still 20-30 hours a week), which was also ironic since my brother's kids have all these problems. I don't want my family to wind up like my SIL's!
So my point to my rambling story is that I didn't like feeling like my mom couldn't see my side. I haven't even made up my mind yet. But she said that staying home can get boring and monotonous and for people like my SIL, being at home would be much more stressful than working. So maybe I made it seem like the main factor in our decision is my own personal stress level (but if so, is that really a bad thing?), when I should have been more clear that it is about what's best for Claire, and that my concern about that would be the cause of the stress I anticipate I will feel. And that I am willing to put up with stress (from financial strain or boredom or lack of personal achievement or whatever) if I believe that the cause of it is what is best for our family. I am not willing to put up with stress when I don't like and can change the situation that is causing it.
OK, I know I've said I haven't made my mind up yet, but I seem pretty decided, right? It won't make financial sense for me to work with two kids, and if the second kid is just a couple of years away, then we can struggle financially for just a couple of years if we feel it's best for our family.
But I don't feel right quitting in the middle of the year, so that's 4.5 months to go . . .
Lysser, I LOVE that pouty face! So cute! I just want to kiss his chubby cheeks!
Sunkist, yeah, the sacral dimple is fairly common. I think I've read all sorts of figures between 2 and 20% as far as the percentage of the population that has one, but either way it's obviously something a lot of people have (and may not even know!). I actually did ask MIL, and she said she didn't know of anyone having it. Hmmm.
Anchor, aw, Jacob is a cutie!
Viz, I totally pretended to be asleep last night when Claire woke up at 4. DH looked over at me and I shut my eyes! It worked because then he got up and got her. Enjoy your girls' night!
Mandy, my parental expertise is really just "make it up as I go along," so take this with a grain of salt, but maybe it would solve both the sleeping and eating problems if when the boys start getting fussy after waking up from a short nap, you feed them right then even if it's been only 2 or 2.5 hours. You might then get in an extra feeding per day, so their overall intake would be more, and maybe they'd go longer at night. And then they might go down for a longer nap the next time. That's what seems to happen with Claire. Maybe you are moving away from napping every cycle and toward two or three bigger naps at this point.
Claire is three months old today! And I have one more week of maternity leave.
When my mom was here, she seemed to be trying to dissuade me from staying home for good, as though she thought I was idealizing being a SAHM. And maybe I am. But it got to the point where she was just contradicting herself and I was totally confused. She said it would be good to keep working to keep me stimulated intellectually, but then she said I should give up the AP classes and teach some remedial classes to keep my workload lower. I was like, then what is the point in keeping my job just for the intellectual stimulation? She was like, oh yeah, um . . . She said, "Staying at home is NOT an answer to stress. It won't solve that problem." And I was like, well, obviously both scenarios contain stress; the key is to figure out which one is best for us and which one causes less stress. She was like, oh yeah, good point. I know she was just trying to be the devil's advocate. We are very similar (she too was a high school and college English teacher) and she wound up staying home, and I think she just wanted me to know that it was hard too. Plus she is of the "women's lib" generation and was the president of the state League of Women Voters, so I think she wants to believe in a world where women can work and have families, almost to a fault. When I was little she was trying to get me interested in science so I would become a female astronaut! She kept referencing my SIL who works full time (my sister works part time but it is still 20-30 hours a week), which was also ironic since my brother's kids have all these problems. I don't want my family to wind up like my SIL's!
So my point to my rambling story is that I didn't like feeling like my mom couldn't see my side. I haven't even made up my mind yet. But she said that staying home can get boring and monotonous and for people like my SIL, being at home would be much more stressful than working. So maybe I made it seem like the main factor in our decision is my own personal stress level (but if so, is that really a bad thing?), when I should have been more clear that it is about what's best for Claire, and that my concern about that would be the cause of the stress I anticipate I will feel. And that I am willing to put up with stress (from financial strain or boredom or lack of personal achievement or whatever) if I believe that the cause of it is what is best for our family. I am not willing to put up with stress when I don't like and can change the situation that is causing it.
OK, I know I've said I haven't made my mind up yet, but I seem pretty decided, right? It won't make financial sense for me to work with two kids, and if the second kid is just a couple of years away, then we can struggle financially for just a couple of years if we feel it's best for our family.
But I don't feel right quitting in the middle of the year, so that's 4.5 months to go . . .
mela lu
Ideal_Rock
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gailrmv
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Phoenix Your situation really resonates with me. I also really struggled with what was best for my family. In my case, I love my field, but the job that I had right before having A was not the right long-term fit. I felt loyalty to finish a project that I was working on so I went back to work part time in order to finish it, then resigned rather than get staffed onto another project. I gave lots of notice and left on good terms. I feel that I made the right decision for my family (to be a SAHM) but I do often think of the career that I am not having, missing my colleagues and my field, and hoping I didn''t waste my education. The whole working mom/SAHM thing is never an easy decision and neither way is perfect.
However, if I were in your shoes, I would try very hard not to stress about it right now. You''ve already decided to go back for the rest of the schoolyear which sounds like the most professional way to handle it. In that time, you will get a taste of life as a working mom. Make the most of it. You can see what it is like for Claire and for your family. Then you can decide what to do about the next year when that time comes. I like to plan ahead too, but I think it would be best to just take it one phase at a time and re-evaluate this summer.
If it helps any, DH''s parents were both teachers (before they retired). He often speaks of lots of time together with his parents while he was growing up. Lots of nights they would hang out together with his parents grading papers and doing lesson plans while he was playing or later, doing homework. They had school breaks and summer to be together as a family. He says they had tons of time together. His mom said she chose teaching partly because the schedule worked well with being a parent.
However, if I were in your shoes, I would try very hard not to stress about it right now. You''ve already decided to go back for the rest of the schoolyear which sounds like the most professional way to handle it. In that time, you will get a taste of life as a working mom. Make the most of it. You can see what it is like for Claire and for your family. Then you can decide what to do about the next year when that time comes. I like to plan ahead too, but I think it would be best to just take it one phase at a time and re-evaluate this summer.
If it helps any, DH''s parents were both teachers (before they retired). He often speaks of lots of time together with his parents while he was growing up. Lots of nights they would hang out together with his parents grading papers and doing lesson plans while he was playing or later, doing homework. They had school breaks and summer to be together as a family. He says they had tons of time together. His mom said she chose teaching partly because the schedule worked well with being a parent.
cdt1101
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Phoenix - I went thru the same thing when I had to go back to work. I was so stressed out before I went back thinking of how *stressful* juggling everything would be. My DH and I talked it over ad nauseum, but in the end it was the best FINANCIAL choice for me to return to work. Surprisingly, I haven't found it that difficult to juggle work and home life. Sure I don't see Lex as much as I want, but it's a sacrifice I have to make right now. I just make sure that the time I do spend w/ Lex is ALL about him, I do not do anything else but play/focus on him when I get home (and give him lots of kisses and hugs!). We just eat dinner later
.
It's strange to me that I was fully content being a SAHM for the 6 months I did it, but I've also been just fine being a working mom. I would still choose to be a SAHM in a heartbeat if it made sense right now, but I decided awhile ago just to focus on the positive of our situation, instead of *how great it would be to stay home.* And that's helped *me* tremendously. I think my attitude towards the situation as also really helped Lex adjust, he gets so so happy when he sees his "teachers" and that makes me so so happy to see
. Our children really do feed off our energy, so just being positive about it has helped him thrive in daycare, IMO anyway.
I think your current plan makes the most sense, go back, finish the school year and then make your decision. You may be surprised how you feel. 4.5 months is not THAT long, but it's a good enough time frame to really feel out the situation and then make your choice.
Best of luck
ETA: I capped the word financial above because that was really the ONLY motivating factor for me going back. If finances were not an issue, I would have stayed home...no.questions.asked. But then, I don't particularly like my job (in finance
).
It's strange to me that I was fully content being a SAHM for the 6 months I did it, but I've also been just fine being a working mom. I would still choose to be a SAHM in a heartbeat if it made sense right now, but I decided awhile ago just to focus on the positive of our situation, instead of *how great it would be to stay home.* And that's helped *me* tremendously. I think my attitude towards the situation as also really helped Lex adjust, he gets so so happy when he sees his "teachers" and that makes me so so happy to see
I think your current plan makes the most sense, go back, finish the school year and then make your decision. You may be surprised how you feel. 4.5 months is not THAT long, but it's a good enough time frame to really feel out the situation and then make your choice.
Best of luck
ETA: I capped the word financial above because that was really the ONLY motivating factor for me going back. If finances were not an issue, I would have stayed home...no.questions.asked. But then, I don't particularly like my job (in finance
Mandarine
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PG If I try to feed them before it''s time they just won''t eat...or they eat like 1 oz!.
I''m trying to keep them up longer...we''ll see how it goes! (as I said that I just put them to nap, 1 hour after waking up because they are tired and screaming.....)
So I had a date night last night! Last time I was out to dinner I was 36 weeks pregnant!!!!!!!!
It was so nice to get all "pretty" and go out!.
DH ended up taking all night duties...and I woke up this morning. Not bad since I went to bed at 10:30 and slept in until 7:15am...so I''m a rested mama!
Any who...no idea what happened last night but Alex''s miracle blanket was all wet and he''s sheet protector (I have a thing were I put their head''s so that I don''t have to wash the sheets so often!) was to the side and a new one was in place. So obviously something went on last night while DH was on duty. I just can''t believe he put him right back to sleep all wet!!! Poor guy!
I''m trying to keep them up longer...we''ll see how it goes! (as I said that I just put them to nap, 1 hour after waking up because they are tired and screaming.....)
So I had a date night last night! Last time I was out to dinner I was 36 weeks pregnant!!!!!!!!
DH ended up taking all night duties...and I woke up this morning. Not bad since I went to bed at 10:30 and slept in until 7:15am...so I''m a rested mama!
Any who...no idea what happened last night but Alex''s miracle blanket was all wet and he''s sheet protector (I have a thing were I put their head''s so that I don''t have to wash the sheets so often!) was to the side and a new one was in place. So obviously something went on last night while DH was on duty. I just can''t believe he put him right back to sleep all wet!!! Poor guy!
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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Mandarine
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On the going back to work
I''m sorry you have to make this decision...and I know it can''t be easy!. At the end though...you have to do what is right for you and your family. I have some friends that say they are truly better moms because they have a chance to get out of the house and work (I can see why!)...while others manage staying at home very well (like my sister...who''s been a SAHM for 6 years!).
Luckily my situation is super flexible so I''m not faced with any tough choices. If I HAD to go back full time and away from home, I would decide to be a SAHM. I worked full time from home before and will be going back part time in March...from home and with the best boss ever. It''s a hard to refuse offer....so I''m definitely going back. I just hope by then these guys are sleeping better because I have no idea how I''m going to make any smart business decisions when I''m sleep deprived!.
I start going back this week...but sloooooowly....just doing like 5 hours a week (basically just attending a few meetings and keeping up with emails on the blackberry, which I do now anyway)....
On one hand I don''t want to go back but in the other I am looking forward to going back. I think I NEED that time and it will be good for me...even if it''s just part-time, to do something else other than change diapers, burp babies, etc. I also feel like I won''t miss anything since they will also be at home with the nany while I work. We''ll see how I feel once I''m actually back though.
****
I really do admire all of you that are back at work full time and have commutes. I have no idea how you do it. I also admire all the full time SAHMs...specially because I can see how you never get enough credit. Even now I have people that ask me what I do all day. Really????
I''m sorry you have to make this decision...and I know it can''t be easy!. At the end though...you have to do what is right for you and your family. I have some friends that say they are truly better moms because they have a chance to get out of the house and work (I can see why!)...while others manage staying at home very well (like my sister...who''s been a SAHM for 6 years!).
Luckily my situation is super flexible so I''m not faced with any tough choices. If I HAD to go back full time and away from home, I would decide to be a SAHM. I worked full time from home before and will be going back part time in March...from home and with the best boss ever. It''s a hard to refuse offer....so I''m definitely going back. I just hope by then these guys are sleeping better because I have no idea how I''m going to make any smart business decisions when I''m sleep deprived!.
I start going back this week...but sloooooowly....just doing like 5 hours a week (basically just attending a few meetings and keeping up with emails on the blackberry, which I do now anyway)....
On one hand I don''t want to go back but in the other I am looking forward to going back. I think I NEED that time and it will be good for me...even if it''s just part-time, to do something else other than change diapers, burp babies, etc. I also feel like I won''t miss anything since they will also be at home with the nany while I work. We''ll see how I feel once I''m actually back though.
****
I really do admire all of you that are back at work full time and have commutes. I have no idea how you do it. I also admire all the full time SAHMs...specially because I can see how you never get enough credit. Even now I have people that ask me what I do all day. Really????
lizzard
Rough_Rock
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China- when I decided to stop pumping (I never breast fed, just pumped), my doctor recommended weaning myself slowly by cutting down one pumping later in the day when my milk production wasn’t as plentiful. I used lots of ice packs when my breasts became engorged, which really helped. After a few days, eliminate another feeding/pumping and continue for several more days. I also wore a very tight sports bra for several days which helped ease some of the breast discomfort. It's a slow process for sure. Even though I stopped pumping a few months ago, I still excrete a small amount of milk at times.
PG- having just returned to work last week after a 3 month maternity leave, I can understand your concern and hesitation. As difficult as it was to return to work, I promised myself that I would keep a positive outlook and give myself some time to adjust back into the working world (6 months to be exact). Coincidentally, going back to work last week was a lot easier than I ever expected. I've enjoyed the adult interaction and change of pace.
Since you would be going back for 4.5 months, and how fast the last 3 months went by, maybe the next 4.5 will go by just as fast!
The biggest issue that I struggle with is wondering what kind of developmental milestones I could be missing out on by not being home for the next 6 months… and will I regret that later on?
Ahh…the struggles we face.
PG- having just returned to work last week after a 3 month maternity leave, I can understand your concern and hesitation. As difficult as it was to return to work, I promised myself that I would keep a positive outlook and give myself some time to adjust back into the working world (6 months to be exact). Coincidentally, going back to work last week was a lot easier than I ever expected. I've enjoyed the adult interaction and change of pace.
Since you would be going back for 4.5 months, and how fast the last 3 months went by, maybe the next 4.5 will go by just as fast!
The biggest issue that I struggle with is wondering what kind of developmental milestones I could be missing out on by not being home for the next 6 months… and will I regret that later on?
Ahh…the struggles we face.
Burk
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LOVE all the pics!! Such cute babies!!
And the Friday confessions are great!!
phoenix~Just wanted to add to what the ladies have already said about returning to work. I felt the exact same way as you when my maternity leave was at its end with Tayva. I had to go back for the last quarter of the school year (T was a January baby)and then planned on resigning because I thought I wanted to be a SAHM. I was wrong. I went back and realized I like my job and being a SAHM wasn''t for me. I did, however, go part time (I teach 3 classes) which has been a perfect balance for our family. Keep an open mind. I''m not saying you''ll be like me, you may decide that you do think that you staying home is the best for your family, but at least you will know that you gave it a try going back to work and made a well informed decision. Good luck!!
phoenix~Just wanted to add to what the ladies have already said about returning to work. I felt the exact same way as you when my maternity leave was at its end with Tayva. I had to go back for the last quarter of the school year (T was a January baby)and then planned on resigning because I thought I wanted to be a SAHM. I was wrong. I went back and realized I like my job and being a SAHM wasn''t for me. I did, however, go part time (I teach 3 classes) which has been a perfect balance for our family. Keep an open mind. I''m not saying you''ll be like me, you may decide that you do think that you staying home is the best for your family, but at least you will know that you gave it a try going back to work and made a well informed decision. Good luck!!
vizsla
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im so jealous of all of you who have the opportunity to work from home, part time or not at all... i think im so extra super duper sad about my last week of leave because i don''t have the opportunity to do anything but return to work
i''m having so much anxiety about returning
anyhoo, just wanted to pout.
for those mommies who do use daycare, can you post why you like it/advantages? i need to focus on the positives and would love to know what some of yours are.
thanks!
for those mommies who do use daycare, can you post why you like it/advantages? i need to focus on the positives and would love to know what some of yours are.
thanks!
natalina
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Quick drive by!
All the babies are so cute! Will try to post a recent pic...
Mela- LMAO re: me being blonde. I am a brunette with highlights. I decided to go "a bit lighter" for the wedding- it was a disaster. About 4 hours into the appt mt hair was breaking off, way too blonde, and we decided it was best to stop messing with it
. So my hair for the wedding was way different than usual, and unfortunately a bit orangey in certain lighting
.
Love all the confessions! I do SO many of the things you all posted!
China- love your comment about Snookie and TOTALLY agree she is SCARY! Kinda oompa-loompaish. She needs to CHILL on the tanning and Aqua-Net!
All the babies are so cute! Will try to post a recent pic...
Mela- LMAO re: me being blonde. I am a brunette with highlights. I decided to go "a bit lighter" for the wedding- it was a disaster. About 4 hours into the appt mt hair was breaking off, way too blonde, and we decided it was best to stop messing with it
Love all the confessions! I do SO many of the things you all posted!
China- love your comment about Snookie and TOTALLY agree she is SCARY! Kinda oompa-loompaish. She needs to CHILL on the tanning and Aqua-Net!
cdt1101
Brilliant_Rock
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Date: 1/24/2010 1:45:45 PM
Author: vizsla
im so jealous of all of you who have the opportunity to work from home, part time or not at all... i think im so extra super duper sad about my last week of leave because i don''t have the opportunity to do anything but return to worki''m having so much anxiety about returninganyhoo, just wanted to pout.
for those mommies who do use daycare, can you post why you like it/advantages? i need to focus on the positives and would love to know what some of yours are.
thanks!
Pout away
As for the positives, well I focus on the benefits of having a double income household. And the experiences we will be able to give Lex because I work (that we''d have to sacrifice if I stayed home). I also try to focus on how having him in daycare provides a lot of social interaction for him, that I alone could not give him. Lastly, I do like the fact that I get a break, because Lex is a handful! I just wish I only worked like 3 days a week instead of 5
It''s hard, it is, and I had 6 months w/ Lex before I went back, so I can only imagine how hard it is for you and Phoenix having to go back sooner. But like I said (and Burk), you may be surprised at how much you actually LIKE being at work and having the break.
AmberWaves
Ideal_Rock
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- Oct 19, 2005
- Messages
- 3,672
AmberWaves
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2005
- Messages
- 3,672
Re: working from home/going back to work. I am very, very lucky that I can take Piper with me, but I wish it was feasible for me to SAH, if only because I enjoyed it (after the first cabin-fever weeks were over), and because I could do more. I get a little overwhelmed at times because Piper is ALWAYS with me. 24/7. I''m her only source of food (have yet to pump, I''m gearing up for it, with plans to drop her at SIL in March) so it''s really rough sometimes. It''s like I''m a SAHM but also having to go out and work. I loooove taking her with me, I really do, but sometimes I just want a break.
Anyway, I just thought about dropping her off at SIL''s in March and cried a little. So yeah, I may just be talking about of my butt regarding wanting to be free of her for an hour or so. Haha.
Anyway, I just thought about dropping her off at SIL''s in March and cried a little. So yeah, I may just be talking about of my butt regarding wanting to be free of her for an hour or so. Haha.
gailrmv
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2005
- Messages
- 3,136
As a SAHM, I feel incredibly lucky to have the choice, and I do not take that for granted. I love being home most of the time and I am not second guessing my choice. But to look on the other side of the fence, here are some good things about being a working mom:
- Use your brain, keep up your skills, advance in your career
- Your family is not relying on one breadwinner. More security in case of unemployment, etc
- Interact with colleagues and talk about things besides mom-stuff
- Definitely shower and get dressed and out of the house by a decent hour - structure!!
- Bring in income and benefits for your family
- Earn retirement benefits (incl Social Security)
- Have time to yourself (i.e. your lunch break, or to/from work)
- Being able to run errands sans baby before/after daycare dropoff
- Your house is the same at the end of the day as it was when you left - you aren't picking up the same mess over and over all day long
- Hopefully, since you and your DH are both the breadwinners, you are also both doing housework, laundry, errands etc. As a SAHM I now do nearly 100% of stuff around the house which I think is fair, but it does get old!
- As your child gets older, they will enjoy the interaction with other kids
- You may become friends with the other kids's parents
- Your child learns to respect other adults besides you and your DH
Just a few things off the top of my head. Pros and cons to both.
Strange, I must be the only person who doesn't actually care that much about missing the "firsts". That really didn't weigh into my calculations. I think the first time I see him do something is super exciting even if he did it for someone else earlier in the day.
- Use your brain, keep up your skills, advance in your career
- Your family is not relying on one breadwinner. More security in case of unemployment, etc
- Interact with colleagues and talk about things besides mom-stuff
- Definitely shower and get dressed and out of the house by a decent hour - structure!!
- Bring in income and benefits for your family
- Earn retirement benefits (incl Social Security)
- Have time to yourself (i.e. your lunch break, or to/from work)
- Being able to run errands sans baby before/after daycare dropoff
- Your house is the same at the end of the day as it was when you left - you aren't picking up the same mess over and over all day long
- Hopefully, since you and your DH are both the breadwinners, you are also both doing housework, laundry, errands etc. As a SAHM I now do nearly 100% of stuff around the house which I think is fair, but it does get old!
- As your child gets older, they will enjoy the interaction with other kids
- You may become friends with the other kids's parents
- Your child learns to respect other adults besides you and your DH
Just a few things off the top of my head. Pros and cons to both.
Strange, I must be the only person who doesn't actually care that much about missing the "firsts". That really didn't weigh into my calculations. I think the first time I see him do something is super exciting even if he did it for someone else earlier in the day.
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2006
- Messages
- 9,613
SAHM v Non-SAHM...
Pros and Cons to both I think. I''m planning on going back part-time when Daisy is about 18 months or so. I do miss having adult conversations about things other than babies, it would also be nice to use the bathroom alone occasionally!
I do think that you may do more ''quality'' time as a percentage of total time if you are not a SAHM. I know there are plenty of times in the day where I''m not playing with D but just prodding her with one toe while I play with the laptop, or where I''m wondering what my chances of getting her to go to sleep are... yup, I am a bad mummy!
Pros and Cons to both I think. I''m planning on going back part-time when Daisy is about 18 months or so. I do miss having adult conversations about things other than babies, it would also be nice to use the bathroom alone occasionally!
I do think that you may do more ''quality'' time as a percentage of total time if you are not a SAHM. I know there are plenty of times in the day where I''m not playing with D but just prodding her with one toe while I play with the laptop, or where I''m wondering what my chances of getting her to go to sleep are... yup, I am a bad mummy!
Anchor-Jacob is really adorable!!
Viz-I only FB from my Blackberry so I can''t see friend suggestions but if you add the other mommies, my initials are "MM" and my profie pic is of Sophia. I''m sure one of the other momies can point you in the right direction if you can''t find me
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SAHM vs WM
I echo what other moms have said that it really depends on what you feel is best for your family. My mom was a SAHM for much of my childhood until she had no choice but to work. I can tell you that what I learned from her is that when you''re a good mother, it doesn''t matter if you spend all day with your children at home or if you work. Your children will feel the love you have for them regardless. If I had the option to stay home, I honestly don''t know if I would or wouldn''t. I''m thinking yes at the age that Sophia is but once she''s in school I''d probably want to work. IDK.
Viz-I only FB from my Blackberry so I can''t see friend suggestions but if you add the other mommies, my initials are "MM" and my profie pic is of Sophia. I''m sure one of the other momies can point you in the right direction if you can''t find me
SAHM vs WM
I echo what other moms have said that it really depends on what you feel is best for your family. My mom was a SAHM for much of my childhood until she had no choice but to work. I can tell you that what I learned from her is that when you''re a good mother, it doesn''t matter if you spend all day with your children at home or if you work. Your children will feel the love you have for them regardless. If I had the option to stay home, I honestly don''t know if I would or wouldn''t. I''m thinking yes at the age that Sophia is but once she''s in school I''d probably want to work. IDK.
taovandel
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2008
- Messages
- 1,434
At the beginning of my maternity leave I was all about being away from work...then about 4 weeks in I was so desperate for adult interaction--I just wanted to use my brain. I actually was excited when my boss called me in to work for like an hour to give some insight into a budget problem. Now that the day is looming (It''s tomorrow!) I do not want to go back. I will be working 8-4 Monday through Friday...it''s going to be so hard. Evan will be with a Nanny for three days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday). Thankfully I work with my husband so it''ll be easier to get through the day. Like others have said---I don''t think I would want to be a full time SAHM but I would love to drop down to part time work and do some stuff from home. But financially there is zero way of that happening.
My SIL is pregnant! She already has two little ones (5 and 4)---she had her tubes tied after the second one (she is 24ish) and somehow she is pregnant again. So Evan will have a cousin close to his age!
I''m in a huge cleaning mode today! It''s out of control. I think it''s because I''m going back to work and I have no clue when this place will get a deep cleaning again. I cleaned every single room in the house..including the closets and bathrooms. I have tons of bags of clothes to give away to charity and my husband had to make 3 trips to the dumpster! It''s really nice to have such a clean apartment...and to take my mind off of the fact that I will be away from my LO tomorrow.
My SIL is pregnant! She already has two little ones (5 and 4)---she had her tubes tied after the second one (she is 24ish) and somehow she is pregnant again. So Evan will have a cousin close to his age!
I''m in a huge cleaning mode today! It''s out of control. I think it''s because I''m going back to work and I have no clue when this place will get a deep cleaning again. I cleaned every single room in the house..including the closets and bathrooms. I have tons of bags of clothes to give away to charity and my husband had to make 3 trips to the dumpster! It''s really nice to have such a clean apartment...and to take my mind off of the fact that I will be away from my LO tomorrow.
cellososweet
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2006
- Messages
- 876
Hi everyone!
This is my first post on this forum. I had a son almost two weeks ago. Søren is doing ok after a sad episode where I wasn''t producing enough milk and he lost WAY more than he should have the first week (he went from 8 lbs 4 oz to 6 lbs. 14 oz).
So, we supplemented with formula. 2 oz. after every feeding for a few days to get his weight back up. Now that his weight is up and my milk is in, we are trying to exclusively breast feed. I''ve tried to pump after every feeding, but nothing comes out at all! My doctor wants me to supplement with my own milk, but nothing is coming out. So, we are still supplementing with formula.
Has anyone gone through this? Did you continue to do breast/bottle? Any pros or cons?
I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but it doesn''t seem like it''s working and I''m frustrated. The lactation consultant is a breastfeeding nazi and makes me feel inferior for even supplementing and my ped is great, but is a little too "leave it up to the parents" I just want some non-biased guidance.
This is my first post on this forum. I had a son almost two weeks ago. Søren is doing ok after a sad episode where I wasn''t producing enough milk and he lost WAY more than he should have the first week (he went from 8 lbs 4 oz to 6 lbs. 14 oz).
So, we supplemented with formula. 2 oz. after every feeding for a few days to get his weight back up. Now that his weight is up and my milk is in, we are trying to exclusively breast feed. I''ve tried to pump after every feeding, but nothing comes out at all! My doctor wants me to supplement with my own milk, but nothing is coming out. So, we are still supplementing with formula.
Has anyone gone through this? Did you continue to do breast/bottle? Any pros or cons?
I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but it doesn''t seem like it''s working and I''m frustrated. The lactation consultant is a breastfeeding nazi and makes me feel inferior for even supplementing and my ped is great, but is a little too "leave it up to the parents" I just want some non-biased guidance.
phoenixgirl
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2003
- Messages
- 3,390
Thanks for the thoughts, all. It''s totally the modern dilemma, and I think both choices require sacrifice. DH keeps saying he always thought I would want to keep teaching because I''ve always done it because I love it, not because it''s just a job. But just like going to France this summer, some things seemed more important before Claire was born. Since I do believe we could swing it for me to stay home, it''s just totally up to us. Well, actually, it seems like it''s really up to me because DH says he does think it would be great for Claire if I stayed home (and possibly the only way to keep me sane) but that he''ll support me if I want to keep teaching too.
More thinking "out loud":
I wish I could know that I could come back to the same situation after being away for several years. I teach at a school where currently the administration is great and the department chair is fair and favors me with the top classes. I don''t doubt I could get another teaching job in a few years, but I doubt I''d have what I have now. But with a different administration, even my same position could be less desirable to me. I can''t keep teaching just because I might not like the options I''ll have if/when I decide to return to work.
I''m optimistic about adult interaction if I stay home. Our neighbors were just over for cocktails and we met another couple for brunch (Claire was a super star!). DH is an uber extravert and if anything, we are too social, even when I''m off from work and therefore not out in the world to make plans as much. In fact, I think I''ll have less of this when I''m working because I can''t neglect my lesson planning and grading, and I''ll want to spend time with Claire when I''m not stressing about tomorrow''s lesson or the stuff I haven''t graded. Often before we had Claire, DH would want to do something with friends, and I would have too much work and have to skip it. And I can see me working affecting him too since he goes out with friends, goes on rides, or goes to the gym as much as I can stand. I''ll be able to stand less of him leaving when I''m trying to get my work done at night and take care of Claire too, so he''ll be less happy.
If I do keep with teaching, I will have to learn to work less. Even when I was teaching tenth grade year after year, I designed different units and assignments and taught different novels. If I weren''t always experimenting and just used last year''s lessons, I could save myself a lot of time (but that''s what excites me about teaching, unlike grading -- does anyone like that?). Plus I go to ridiculous lengths to make my assessments as "cheat proof" as possible (different questions for each class, answers in a different order, etc. -- sadly, the gifted kids cheat more than anyone else). Writing three different quizzes and then making different versions of those takes a lot of extra time, plus the grading is more difficult because you have to pay attention to which quiz the student had. I suppose I could just let this go.
We currently think we''re going to have to pay for daycare for the 12 weeks a year when we''re off from school, so that''s $3k we''re wasting just to keep our spot (although then I''d definitely drop her off for several hours a week). If I keep working, we''ll try to negotiate this when we''ve been there for a while.
More thinking "out loud":
I wish I could know that I could come back to the same situation after being away for several years. I teach at a school where currently the administration is great and the department chair is fair and favors me with the top classes. I don''t doubt I could get another teaching job in a few years, but I doubt I''d have what I have now. But with a different administration, even my same position could be less desirable to me. I can''t keep teaching just because I might not like the options I''ll have if/when I decide to return to work.
I''m optimistic about adult interaction if I stay home. Our neighbors were just over for cocktails and we met another couple for brunch (Claire was a super star!). DH is an uber extravert and if anything, we are too social, even when I''m off from work and therefore not out in the world to make plans as much. In fact, I think I''ll have less of this when I''m working because I can''t neglect my lesson planning and grading, and I''ll want to spend time with Claire when I''m not stressing about tomorrow''s lesson or the stuff I haven''t graded. Often before we had Claire, DH would want to do something with friends, and I would have too much work and have to skip it. And I can see me working affecting him too since he goes out with friends, goes on rides, or goes to the gym as much as I can stand. I''ll be able to stand less of him leaving when I''m trying to get my work done at night and take care of Claire too, so he''ll be less happy.
If I do keep with teaching, I will have to learn to work less. Even when I was teaching tenth grade year after year, I designed different units and assignments and taught different novels. If I weren''t always experimenting and just used last year''s lessons, I could save myself a lot of time (but that''s what excites me about teaching, unlike grading -- does anyone like that?). Plus I go to ridiculous lengths to make my assessments as "cheat proof" as possible (different questions for each class, answers in a different order, etc. -- sadly, the gifted kids cheat more than anyone else). Writing three different quizzes and then making different versions of those takes a lot of extra time, plus the grading is more difficult because you have to pay attention to which quiz the student had. I suppose I could just let this go.
We currently think we''re going to have to pay for daycare for the 12 weeks a year when we''re off from school, so that''s $3k we''re wasting just to keep our spot (although then I''d definitely drop her off for several hours a week). If I keep working, we''ll try to negotiate this when we''ve been there for a while.
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Messages
- 7,074
Cello - Hi! Congrats on Soren''s birth, I''m glad to know I''m not the only one with a LO under 1 month old. I''m sorry to hear you''re having issues with breastfeeding. It''s definitely not easy. DO NOT let the lactating consultant make you feel guilty. You are doing what you can and that IS good enough. I commend you for still trying... Mixed feeding is still very good. Have you tried pumping about an hour after a feeding? Pumping right after a feeding might not work if Soren has already taken what was there; maybe if you wait a little it''ll be easier. That''s what I try to do anyway, and it works for me. Good luck, I''ll be thinking of you.
Question - Does the mlik have to be warmed up, or is it just a question of the baby''s preference?
Question - Does the mlik have to be warmed up, or is it just a question of the baby''s preference?
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2006
- Messages
- 3,786
Anchor, I always give them all the milk at room temperature....but they drink formula. When I was pumping, I would just put the bottles under hot running water to take most of the cold out.
Viz, I added you in FB!!!!Nice to "meet" you
So question:
Freaking out after eating 1 oz
What is up with that????????
It''s a new thing, but they are both doing it. Not surpirsed as they ALWAYS do everything at the same exact time (including pooping!). Any who...they are HUNGRY, start eating and start FREAKING out after 1-2 oz....eitehr that or they start playing around with the nipple (pushing it to the sides). Sometimes it takes like an hour to feed them...specially because I have to do one at a time...rock them, sing, etc...to get them to eat.
Are they telling me it''s time to switch to eating every 4 hours? (they are 3.5 months, about 14 lbs and eating every 3 hours now).
Or did they suddenly develop some sort of reflux or something?
It''s so annoying. Today it happened at EVERY feeding. It''s exhausting
Thoughts?
Viz, I added you in FB!!!!Nice to "meet" you
So question:
Freaking out after eating 1 oz
What is up with that????????
It''s a new thing, but they are both doing it. Not surpirsed as they ALWAYS do everything at the same exact time (including pooping!). Any who...they are HUNGRY, start eating and start FREAKING out after 1-2 oz....eitehr that or they start playing around with the nipple (pushing it to the sides). Sometimes it takes like an hour to feed them...specially because I have to do one at a time...rock them, sing, etc...to get them to eat.
Are they telling me it''s time to switch to eating every 4 hours? (they are 3.5 months, about 14 lbs and eating every 3 hours now).
Or did they suddenly develop some sort of reflux or something?
It''s so annoying. Today it happened at EVERY feeding. It''s exhausting
Thoughts?
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2006
- Messages
- 3,786
Cello...
First off, CONGRATS!!!!!!
Second, We need pictures!
You had such a tough pregnancy, I sure hope the little one is an angel
Anyway...I wanted to say that BF is HARD!!!!!!!!!!!. I wish someone would just be honest...all these lactation consultants saying it''s natural, etc, etc. Well guess what...it doesn''t always come natural and there are many factors that should be considered!!!!.
As you may know, my boys were 36-weekers. Apparently boys at 36 weeks are not good suckers. neither one of them latched and I saw two different lactation consultants. Both of them with totally different opinions....one said use the nipple shields, the other one said no way. One said to pump at certain times, the other one said a different thing. I would pumo and only get 0.5oz..(without nursing them first!). My point is, not all lactation consultants are created equal. So don''t be afraid to find a new one!.
My boys were already small...Alex went down to 4 lbs and I just couldn''t do it and I supplemented. I tried my best to BF for 3 weeks...and at the end I decided to stop. Basically because I had no life. I was pumping every 3 hours, feeding them every two hours (breast then bottle), then pumping...it was just too much...all I did was cry. I finally told myself that more than anything the babies needed ME to be there for them 100%...they didn''t deserve a mommy that was miserable/crying/frustrated (on top of being very tired). I had a lot of guilt but at the end of the day I chose what I thought was best for me and I don''t regret my decision. I had a lot of guilt and feelings that eventually (after just a few days) went away...once the fog lifted and I started to feel better.
I''m not by any means telling you to stop trying...but don''t be too hard on yourself. It''s not easy so do what you need to do...change lactation consultants, get support from lactation groups, etc.
Good luck girly and hang in there! Welcome to the thread!!!
First off, CONGRATS!!!!!!
Second, We need pictures!
You had such a tough pregnancy, I sure hope the little one is an angel
Anyway...I wanted to say that BF is HARD!!!!!!!!!!!. I wish someone would just be honest...all these lactation consultants saying it''s natural, etc, etc. Well guess what...it doesn''t always come natural and there are many factors that should be considered!!!!.
As you may know, my boys were 36-weekers. Apparently boys at 36 weeks are not good suckers. neither one of them latched and I saw two different lactation consultants. Both of them with totally different opinions....one said use the nipple shields, the other one said no way. One said to pump at certain times, the other one said a different thing. I would pumo and only get 0.5oz..(without nursing them first!). My point is, not all lactation consultants are created equal. So don''t be afraid to find a new one!.
My boys were already small...Alex went down to 4 lbs and I just couldn''t do it and I supplemented. I tried my best to BF for 3 weeks...and at the end I decided to stop. Basically because I had no life. I was pumping every 3 hours, feeding them every two hours (breast then bottle), then pumping...it was just too much...all I did was cry. I finally told myself that more than anything the babies needed ME to be there for them 100%...they didn''t deserve a mommy that was miserable/crying/frustrated (on top of being very tired). I had a lot of guilt but at the end of the day I chose what I thought was best for me and I don''t regret my decision. I had a lot of guilt and feelings that eventually (after just a few days) went away...once the fog lifted and I started to feel better.
I''m not by any means telling you to stop trying...but don''t be too hard on yourself. It''s not easy so do what you need to do...change lactation consultants, get support from lactation groups, etc.
Good luck girly and hang in there! Welcome to the thread!!!
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