PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[sunkist]

Mandy - Wes takes Zantac. I think it really helped. No more crying after he spits up. And less spit up too I think, although there still is some. I would try it.

Doc also recommended tilting mattress, but I didn''t try it. It seemed like he''d spit up whether he was lying down or sitting up.

 

[Blenheim]

Mandarine - hope you find some answers. I was also thinking that Sabine may be a good resource.

Date: 2/3/2010 5:13:01 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/3/2010 4:49:43 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Blen Just as an aside, as a psychologist I really question Ferber, it just doesn''t make sense to me because it uses a reinforcement schedule that I think teaches the child to cry longer and longer, rather than allowing them to learn to self-soothe. I imagine it works, but if it taked 3 weeks instead of 3 nights, I am not sure that is the best thing for baby. At least that was our thinking when we were going through it with Hunter. It is terrible to listen to them cry, but I wonder if standing there patting their back is more about making the parent feel better than it is about actually helping the baby? Anways, I have no other suggestions, but just wanted to tell you my thoughts! You will do what is best.

I think it might have been both, for me. I became incredibly anxious when I had to listen to him wail. Crawl-the-walls anxious. At one point, during one of his failed naps, I punched my pillow. I was tense and angry, mostly at myself and a little at Ferber/Weissbluth/Mezzo.

When I''d go in and rub him, he''d stop crying completely. It was a minute of peace I (and I felt like he, at the time) needed, but you''re right- it might have hindered progress. Either way, it didn''t take us even close to three weeks for it to work at night (*furiously knocks on wood*), but I''m sure it depends on the baby.

And this is partially what I was talking about earlier. If I go in and pat his back, is he getting from that "I know that you''re upset right now, but I''m here for you and I love you" or is he getting "I could pick you up right now but I''m choosing not to bwahahahaha"?

But until his freaking out of the last week at the prospect of sleeping in the crib, patting him on the back has really helped to soothe him and works reasonably quickly. Sometimes I wish there were clear-cut and obvious answers.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 6:52:16 PM
Author: Blenheim
Mandarine - hope you find some answers. I was also thinking that Sabine may be a good resource.

Date: 2/3/2010 5:13:01 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/3/2010 4:49:43 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Blen Just as an aside, as a psychologist I really question Ferber, it just doesn''t make sense to me because it uses a reinforcement schedule that I think teaches the child to cry longer and longer, rather than allowing them to learn to self-soothe. I imagine it works, but if it taked 3 weeks instead of 3 nights, I am not sure that is the best thing for baby. At least that was our thinking when we were going through it with Hunter. It is terrible to listen to them cry, but I wonder if standing there patting their back is more about making the parent feel better than it is about actually helping the baby? Anways, I have no other suggestions, but just wanted to tell you my thoughts! You will do what is best.

I think it might have been both, for me. I became incredibly anxious when I had to listen to him wail. Crawl-the-walls anxious. At one point, during one of his failed naps, I punched my pillow. I was tense and angry, mostly at myself and a little at Ferber/Weissbluth/Mezzo.

When I''d go in and rub him, he''d stop crying completely. It was a minute of peace I (and I felt like he, at the time) needed, but you''re right- it might have hindered progress. Either way, it didn''t take us even close to three weeks for it to work at night (*furiously knocks on wood*), but I''m sure it depends on the baby.

And this is partially what I was talking about earlier. If I go in and pat his back, is he getting from that ''I know that you''re upset right now, but I''m here for you and I love you'' or is he getting ''I could pick you up right now but I''m choosing not to bwahahahaha''?

But until his freaking out of the last week at the prospect of sleeping in the crib, patting him on the back has really helped to soothe him and works reasonably quickly. Sometimes I wish there were clear-cut and obvious answers.

Oh there are! But unfortuantely it''s only when you have to give OTHER people advice.

Hope it works out for you...it all does in the end anyway.

 

[cdt1101]

Holy posts!! I went back and skimmed, so I'll try to respond

Thanks to everyone who wished Lex happy 8 months! Can't believe how fast the time goes. He started saying dada this week and I started to cry because it made me realize how old he's getting

CIO - I was always on board *in theory*, but I just couldn't bring myself to use it. Don't get me wrong, I tried it, but he would get so worked up I couldn't hold out. We are fortunate that for the most part, we haven't needed it. He STTN on his own when he was ready (although I did a gradual wean of his nightime bottle when he was 5 months IIRC). Since daycare, there have been weekends where we try CIO for naps because he's become the crappiest napper EVER! Seriously, he naps 2, 30 minutes naps only at daycare

He just hasn't been able to adjust to sleeping somewhere else other than his crib. But I still struggle w/ CIO. I definitely agree w/ everyone else that it has its place and it a great tool in the right situation.

REFLUX - Lex had it, but not severe enough to warrant medication. It was recommended that we put rice in the bottle (at 6 weeks old), but it caused more problems than it was worth, so after a few days I stopped it. I mentioned this in the past, but one thing that really helped Lex was sleeping on his tummy. And we switched to that VERY early on. It worked for us, but I know not everyone is comfortable w/ that. He just would scream when he was on his back and HATED being burped. I do not miss the days of burping

On going back to work - it's hard. But if your income is needed than *I* look at as something a grown-up has to do. And I don't mean that in a mean way, it's just one of the ways *I* deal w/ it. I refuse to live in misery, so wishing for things to be different when they can't right now is just not an option for *me*. I struggle most days w/ the feelings I have about our current situation, but I remind myself that it could be worse and at least I (presently) have a job and can help support our family.

Viz - Your hours are tough! I would seriously consider at least trying to talk to your boss about a more flexible schedule. I struggle w/ being a working mom and I only work 8-4. No overtime ever. I feel for you

I know I missed a ton of things...sorry!! But hello to everyone

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 2/3/2010 6:52:16 PM
Author: Blenheim
Mandarine - hope you find some answers. I was also thinking that Sabine may be a good resource.

Date: 2/3/2010 5:13:01 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/3/2010 4:49:43 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Blen Just as an aside, as a psychologist I really question Ferber, it just doesn't make sense to me because it uses a reinforcement schedule that I think teaches the child to cry longer and longer, rather than allowing them to learn to self-soothe. I imagine it works, but if it taked 3 weeks instead of 3 nights, I am not sure that is the best thing for baby. At least that was our thinking when we were going through it with Hunter. It is terrible to listen to them cry, but I wonder if standing there patting their back is more about making the parent feel better than it is about actually helping the baby? Anways, I have no other suggestions, but just wanted to tell you my thoughts! You will do what is best.

I think it might have been both, for me. I became incredibly anxious when I had to listen to him wail. Crawl-the-walls anxious. At one point, during one of his failed naps, I punched my pillow. I was tense and angry, mostly at myself and a little at Ferber/Weissbluth/Mezzo.

When I'd go in and rub him, he'd stop crying completely. It was a minute of peace I (and I felt like he, at the time) needed, but you're right- it might have hindered progress. Either way, it didn't take us even close to three weeks for it to work at night (*furiously knocks on wood*), but I'm sure it depends on the baby.

And this is partially what I was talking about earlier. If I go in and pat his back, is he getting from that 'I know that you're upset right now, but I'm here for you and I love you' or is he getting 'I could pick you up right now but I'm choosing not to bwahahahaha'?

But until his freaking out of the last week at the prospect of sleeping in the crib, patting him on the back has really helped to soothe him and works reasonably quickly. Sometimes I wish there were clear-cut and obvious answers.

LOL! Well, to be honest, I think neither is going through their little heads! I suspect it is something like, "WANT" and then cry until it happens

Or maybe that's just my kid. I can recall so clearly trying for hours to calm him without giving him that he WANTed, which was the boob or whatever. In the end we just gritted our teeth and forced ourselves to stay in our bed, sweating and getting so upset the whole time! Getting up, forcing ourselves to go lay back down. The whole thing was so much worse for us than for Hunter, I know it. I mean, how upset can they be is they stop crying and fall asleep the MOMENT you pick them up??? When Hunter is really in pain or upset it takes time for him to calm down at least, and even mommmy holding him isn't enough. Like when he has a fever. Anyways. Earplugs help a lot

. I find if the crying isn't right in my ear it is easier. If you are hard core and just DO it and do not crack, seems to me it takes 2-3 nights. If you are more gradual, longer. Is it "right"? I don't know. But every time I wonder I look at my friends who cannot bring themselves to do it and are still doing basically what you did last night, Blen, and their daughter is 18 months old. No thanks. I'd rather watch TV

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 2/3/2010 6:54:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/3/2010 6:52:16 PM
Author: Blenheim
Mandarine - hope you find some answers. I was also thinking that Sabine may be a good resource.

And this is partially what I was talking about earlier. If I go in and pat his back, is he getting from that ''I know that you''re upset right now, but I''m here for you and I love you'' or is he getting ''I could pick you up right now but I''m choosing not to bwahahahaha''?

But until his freaking out of the last week at the prospect of sleeping in the crib, patting him on the back has really helped to soothe him and works reasonably quickly. Sometimes I wish there were clear-cut and obvious answers.

Oh there are! But unfortuantely it''s only when you have to give OTHER people advice.

Hope it works out for you...it all does in the end anyway.

haha... I am ALWAYS right when I am telling other people what to do!

 

[taovandel]

Ahh I''m so behind! I hope I can catch up---I''m 5 pages back so sorry for any late responses!

Sex: We started having sex again at 6 weeks.... It wasn''t painful the first time, but then the second time and since then hurts for a bit and then is fine.

Second Baby: So jealous of those of you that are close to starting to conceive the second one. I''m ready now even though I have a 3 month old! Hopefully around Mayish of next year we will start.

Daycare and Work: I thought going back to work would be hard. But I''m two weeks in and I love it. I love being able to use my
brain again and crunch numbers and figure out problems. I don''t even mind sending the baby off to the nanny...I know she is a lovely
person who will take care of him and I know that he will miss me and not forget about me.

Steph: Welcome back to the newborn thread!

Fiery/China: I used to be obsessed with Lost--but at one point my hours at work got changed and I missed an entire season....Now I don''t see how I can get back into it and still be capable of following it...Once I get some money I''ll have to look into getting the DVD''s.

Sunkist: The stretching is the best! Also lubes...We had to try a few different ones until we found one that didn''t hurt me or bother me.

Blen: Love the picture Idea...I''ll have to take some pictures of pictures as I don''t have a scanner. Love the hair! So cute!

Fiery: That video had me cracking up!

Flathead: Evan has a bit of it. We do tummy time and carry him a lot but he does still have a minor flat head. At his two month the Ped
wasn''t concerned. We go back in March--I''ll definitely ask her about it.


Whew! I think I''m caught up now.....

 

[mela lu]

China - click, tock, click, tock, click, tock.

 

[Blenheim]

TGal/DD - LOL.

So earlier today, DH and I talked and he said that he was also comfortable with CIO, should we decide to go there. And then I decided that while we may explore that option in a week or so, I would never ever do it tonight. Because today is DH''s birthday, and we were having people over for dinner, and who the heck decides to start CIO on a night like that. Plus I''ve never read anything official-esque on the "hows" of CIO, just the individual stories posted here, and so I really should read up on it first. And since TGal loves to laugh at naive moms who utter phrases like "never!" I will tell you how the rest of my evening went.

G had a bath shortly before 8, and then I nursed him until he was very drowsy, and I laid him in the crib. At that point he prompty screeched "DADA!!!" and then rolled over and started breathing rhymically like he was sleeping. I looked at him like, "What the heck was that" and then figured that since he was apparently asleep I should count my blessings, turn the monitor on, and get the heck out of there. At 9:30, after the dinner guests were already gone, he started crying. I went up and stood outside the door and listened for a couple of minutes. He was just crying quietly and didn''t seem too distressed. I decided to go in there anyway to reassure him, and then he started with the hysterics. I patted him a couple of times, and then thought to myself "I think this is for me because it certainly does not seem to be helping him." I then kissed him on the forehead and told him that it was night and he needed to sleep, and I left the room. One more hysterical cry as I was leaving, and then he settled into the quiet low grade crying and then was asleep within minutes. He cried out - once- about 45 minutes later and then we haven''t heard a peep since. Scratch that - DH just walked into the room and woke him up. I think I''ll nurse him one more time and then put him back down for real.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Blen I have seen the exact same thing from Hunter! LOL! Our boys sound similar.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Today''s my first day back at work. Wish me luck!

 

[Sabine]

Mandarine: Just my 2 cents, but it sounds like your little guys don''t have reflux that is TOO bad, so if I were you I''d try just giving the Zantac first and see if it helps (it will help with the pain/fussiness but not the actual amount of spit up). We tried adding rice cereal to the bottles (couldn''t do AR because he is on Nutrimagen for milk protein allergy), and it was a complete disaster. First we had issues finding a nipple that would allow him to eat the thickened formula, and then we put a little cut in the nipples, but it was too fast and he ended up spitting up MORE because he was getting too much too fast. Then the rice definitely upset his stomach and constipated him, so he ended up even more fussy and slept even worse.

We ended up with Jacks on liquid prilosec and it''s worked well. He still spits up, but he eats well (has been taking 8 oz bottles for a month now) and doesn''t seem to be bothered when he does spit up. We don''t really have to keep him elevated right after eating either, and he isn''t really bothered being flat on his back, although he sleeps sooooooo much better on his stomach (as do a lot of reflux babies...this may be an option for you if you''re comfortable with it).

It''s interesting...we actually forgot his Prilosec for this trip, so I''ve been interested to see if he is still suffering from his reflux. And he is...but it''s not that bad. I can see him sort of "chewing" which is what he does when he''s having reflux but not really spitting up, and burps are definitely a bit more wet and painful, but he really isn''t any more fussy than normal, so I''m wondering if we should just stop the meds all together.

Jacks and Des had a play date last night! It was quick because Robbie came over after work and Jacks was almost ready for bed (silly bug starts his bedtime routine at 6 and is asleep by 6:20 usually), but it was soooo cute. I''ll post pics when we get home as I didn''t bring my camera cord. We were really hoping Des''s mobility would wear off on Jacks and he''d learn a thing or two, but so far no luck. Jacks is rocking a bit on all 4''s, but definitely can''t get the whole moving thing down.

We''re definitely experiencing some mil/fil issues, but they aren''t too bad. And we''re supposed to get major snow both here and apparently back in VA as well right before we go home, so I''m a bit worried about our travels, but hopefully it will all work out!

PG, good luck today!

Blen, we had to do strict CIO with NO check-ins because they definitely disturbed him rather than soothed him. I borrowed a video monitor, and that really helped, and then, to dh''s annoyance, I went out to buy one because I really liked being able to see him, and I really love having it!

 

[steph72276]

Date: 2/4/2010 7:37:13 AM
Author: Sabine
Mandarine: Just my 2 cents, but it sounds like your little guys don''t have reflux that is TOO bad, so if I were you I''d try just giving the Zantac first and see if it helps (it will help with the pain/fussiness but not the actual amount of spit up). We tried adding rice cereal to the bottles (couldn''t do AR because he is on Nutrimagen for milk protein allergy), and it was a complete disaster. First we had issues finding a nipple that would allow him to eat the thickened formula, and then we put a little cut in the nipples, but it was too fast and he ended up spitting up MORE because he was getting too much too fast. Then the rice definitely upset his stomach and constipated him, so he ended up even more fussy and slept even worse.


We ended up with Jacks on liquid prilosec and it''s worked well. He still spits up, but he eats well (has been taking 8 oz bottles for a month now) and doesn''t seem to be bothered when he does spit up. We don''t really have to keep him elevated right after eating either, and he isn''t really bothered being flat on his back, although he sleeps sooooooo much better on his stomach (as do a lot of reflux babies...this may be an option for you if you''re comfortable with it).


It''s interesting...we actually forgot his Prilosec for this trip, so I''ve been interested to see if he is still suffering from his reflux. And he is...but it''s not that bad. I can see him sort of ''chewing'' which is what he does when he''s having reflux but not really spitting up, and burps are definitely a bit more wet and painful, but he really isn''t any more fussy than normal, so I''m wondering if we should just stop the meds all together.


Jacks and Des had a play date last night! It was quick because Robbie came over after work and Jacks was almost ready for bed (silly bug starts his bedtime routine at 6 and is asleep by 6:20 usually), but it was soooo cute. I''ll post pics when we get home as I didn''t bring my camera cord. We were really hoping Des''s mobility would wear off on Jacks and he''d learn a thing or two, but so far no luck. Jacks is rocking a bit on all 4''s, but definitely can''t get the whole moving thing down.


We''re definitely experiencing some mil/fil issues, but they aren''t too bad. And we''re supposed to get major snow both here and apparently back in VA as well right before we go home, so I''m a bit worried about our travels, but hopefully it will all work out!


PG, good luck today!


Blen, we had to do strict CIO with NO check-ins because they definitely disturbed him rather than soothed him. I borrowed a video monitor, and that really helped, and then, to dh''s annoyance, I went out to buy one because I really liked being able to see him, and I really love having it!

Ahhh, I agree....baby Zantac was my savior with Andrew. Before it, he would scream for hours on end at night, after it he slept through the night consistantly at 8 weeks.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 2/4/2010 6:58:00 AM
Author: phoenixgirl
Today''s my first day back at work. Wish me luck!

Good luck...hope everything goes smoothly!

 

[lovelylulu]

lots of luck PG!!

 

[cdt1101]

Lots of luck Phoenix!!

Mandy - I forgot to mention yesterday, thae one other thing that helped tremendously for us was switching to Similac Alimentum. Much more expensive, but it worked really well. He''s still on it and I''m counting down the day until I don''t have to buy it anymore

 

[vizsla]

mandy - my LO has reflux too (coupled with the milk/soy protein intolerance - so, like sabine, we can not use anything but the pre-digested formula.. and i''m not sure they make pre-digested formula w/rice added... hmmm something to check out). anyhoo, charlie is on zantac and prevacid. we thought the zantac helped a littttlllleee, but nothing really measurable - which is when the pedi added the prevacid. i hate giving him both meds, but - yeah, they have helped with the crying etc after eating. each seemed to take about 2 weeks before we saw any results. some people have improvements overnight, we did not. charlie has ''silent reflux'' - meaning he doesn''t spit up, instead he swallows it back down. which, to me, would be way worse. sometimes we get a projectile, but they are rare... and, come to think of it, since he''s been sick/drooling etc. he has been spitting up way more. it could be because (i think you mentioned that your boys were drooling a lot lately and putting their hands in their mouths?) they just have extra saliva in their bellies that the spit up seems worse? anyhoo, that''s neither here nor there. we''ve elevated the head of charlie''s crib, keep him upright for 30mins after eating, tummy time, etc. all of those things seem to help. if you do feed and put them directly back down, just elevating the head of their crib might be enough to keep the acid down. i think you also mentioned that they have had black specks in their poo before? our pedi did a really quick test to look for blood in their stool (basically she took a diaper and rubbed some of his poo on a card that showed if/how much blood was in charlie''s stool). the only reason i say this is because if they are fussy after eating, there could be something in their formula that they are having a slight reaction to. finding out that charlie had an allergy and correcting it turned our colic monster around.

PG - good luck today ((HUGS))

hmmmm what i do...... well, i work in creative e-commerce marketing and manage an in-house production studio for a major retail company. it requires that i work on site. (why do i have this fear that someone is going to figure me out? - silly). the hours spent away from home are making the transition back to work the WORST. i would love ''regular'' working hours... at least then i''d see charlie when he was awake. over the past three days he has been awake for about 15 mins when i get home and then another 30 mins in the morning. i keep holding him face to face with me saying things like "your mommy loves you". so he doesn''t think i''ve abandoned him. i feel like i''m just this being in the night that feeds him and wraps him back up. it doesn''t help that he''s been sick - so when he is awake he''s very fussy (makes me think he''s mad at me, b/c he just cries when i''m home). coupled with the fact that he''s probably overstimulated at daycare, so he''s extra sleepy when he gets home. i don''t mind the 2 or 3 feeds a night now, since it''s the only time i see him

yesterday i had an on-boarding session with my boss and i was very honest with him about how hard it has been to adjust back to working - that i''d like to discuss flexible hours - and most importantly, that doing what i''m currently doing (for 6.5 years) is no longer rewarding enough to make it worth while to leave my baby. to which, my boss presented me with a job that i have been waiting 6 years for!

. it''s the reason i took my job in the first place, to one day move into this position. and here it is, and there charlie is.

the hours would be the same - the position would crank my experience up so that i would be incredibly marketable in the industry in the future, but at what cost? i never thought i would be presented with choosing a career or family. i''m at a complete loss, my brain is now entirely fried and i can''t see the forest thru the trees. i just want someone to make the decision for me. if i don''t take the position, we discussed other opportunities within the company, but basically i would be giving my 6-9 month notice that i would be looking for something more flexible (it takes almost that long to find and train someone for my position, so my boss is on-board with that.)
sometimes i just want to shout "SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!" when did everything get so complicated?

don''t answer that, i know when......

 

[cdt1101]

Oh WOW Viz!!! Something similar happened to a good friend of mine...came back from maternity leave and they promoted her and gave a $15,000 increase in salary! She decided to take it, but there are times where she feels stretched pretty thin (she has 2 little ones), and second guesses her decision, but she''s managed to make it work for her.

Not sure if you''re looking for an opinion here, but if it were me, I wouldn''t take the new job. My prespective on work as changed sooooooo much since having my son, and I just don''t place much value in it. I have to do it, but it is NOT my priority by any means. I do a great job while here, but I leave and don''t think about it at all when home. I know I wouldn''t want to have to learn something new right now and take on more responsibility as it would just be harder for me to "turn off" my brain when the day is done.

I think that if you are already struggling w/ being a working mom, it wouldn''t be the right decision to take on a new position. Your heart wouldn''t be in it, ya know? But that''s just my opinion

Hang in there and things do have a way of working themselves out sometimes.

 

[NovemberBride]

Good luck today PG! Today is also my first day back at work. Hope you are doing well and not missing Claire too badly. I was a total mess this morning, sobbing before I left the house and crying when I dropped her off. It didn''t help that Olivia decided to start bawling when I handed her over, so of course I didn''t want ot leave until she settled down. Now that I am here I am feeling ok. I got a call from the head teacher letting me know she finished her first bottle and is doing well, I thought that was really nice.

Like others have said, staying home is not an option for me right now and I don''t choose to be miserable, so I am making the best of it. Also, I got some great news this morning. As I''ve mentioned before, my company is bankrupt and everyone will be losing their jobs later this year. In our catch up meeting this morning, my boss said she understands how stressful this environment is and as a result I should feel free to work from home a couple days of month. So my first morning in I find out I can get a few extra days with Olivia each month. Yay!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Good luck pg

Vizla Ok, I would take the new job and then would use the extra money to be creative and find ways to make it work around the house. For now. And then in a year if it was still not fulfilling to be in the job, then I would look for something else using the experience you now have. I am speaking as a woman who loves her job as has a slightly older baby, and I can tell you will almost complete certainty that as you son gets older you will not feel *exactly* the same way as you do now about your schedule and you might regret that you did not take a job that is fulfilling to you as a person. Or perhaps you don''t feel so connected to your career? To me, my work is part of who I am, if I wasn''t doing it, I would not be *me*. Being a mom is also part of who I am, but it is not competely fulfilling to me. I am fortunate to have a job that is flexible, but if you are able to be creative in your home life, perhaps you can make it work. For example, can you move closer to work to cut commutes. Can you hire a nanny part time to bring baby to work at lunch so you can see him, can you shift baby''s schedule so that he is awake when you come home at night, then have a nanny come in the morning to be there until he wakes up? STOP THINING OF IT AS CAREER OR FAMILY and get creative. Maybe you husband needs to compromise in his career a little to make it work out! Can HE change his hours and schedule? If you have thought of everything and cannot make it work, then obviously you have to make a major change and perhaps leav your job. But your baby is onlt 3 months old and you are still hormonal, now is really not the time to make a major decision about your carrer. Just my 2c!

 

[ChinaCat]

PhxGirl- Good luck today!!!!!

Viz- Oh wow. That''s certainly an interesting response from your boss. I am split down the middle b/w CDT and DD. I do think that you need to wait a month or two before you make any decisions if possible. The hardest thing is your hours. I feel like I don''t see O enough during the day, so I know how you feel. BUT I also remember that I was with him 24/7 for the first 3 months of his life and he definitely knows I am his mom. He LOVES our nanny, but she isn''t his mom. I have really paid attention to this with other moms I know. My cousin has a 3 year old and he definitely loves his nanny, but he is all about his mom. They really do know the difference. Get through the next month or two and then sit down and weigh your pros and cons. The answer will become clearer. And you aren''t outing yourself, I have NO IDEA what it is you do.

Blen- Aww cute George. Let me know what/how you decide to do the CIO if you have to keep doing it. I think in the next few weeks we have to do it. Right now I am LEANING towards just letting him cry if I can handle it. For two reasons- 1) I think it will happen faster that way, and I *think* I can handle it for 3 nights or so, but not a long extended period; and 2) O doesn''t seem to respond to the pats, etc. It''s like I either pick him up and rock him to sleep or he cries. So dreading this.

 

[fieryred33143]

Just got back from Sophia''s appointment.

She has Level III kidney reflux and they also found fluid in her left kidney. I have to wait for the pedi to get the results to figure out what all of that means to Sophia.

She did really well during the testing though. She was really still while they did the ultrasound, complained when they put in the cath but went back to playing. The only time she cried was when they were trying to force her to pee with putting pressure on her bladder and pouring cold water on her. But she got over it.

Viz-I agree with DD. It doesn''t have to be your career or your family. You can have both. Plenty of women do. The first thing you have to realize is that you are a wonderful mother whether you spend all day in the office or all day with Charlie. And re-prioritize. If leaving your career is not really feasible then shift some other things around and figure out a good routine. And take the most of the weekends! I come home a lot of nights when Sophia is sleeping and it breaks my heart but I just take that time to get as much stuff done so that my weekends are all for Sophia.

((Big hugs)) It''s so hard balancing work and home life and even harder when you have a baby too

 

[vizsla]

dreamer - all of your points are so valid and help me come back to center. i''ve asked DH to stay home with c, but right now he is working on getting his business up and running. with the hope that (fingers crossed) come baby 2 we are at a place where i *could* stay home for the first 6+ months. plus he said "no" - didn''t have any interest in being a SAHD

i''ve also considered hiring a nanny to help make the transition easier. however, i realize it''s not that i''m unhappy that he''s in daycare - i trust and feel extremely comfortable sending him there everyday, it''s that *i* am not there with him during the day. logically i know that i will feel differently in 2 months, 3 months etc. and that this opportunity is a great one for our family (and me). the roadblock i encounter is that *right at this very moment* every ounce of me is saying "you need to be with charlie *now*. now is when he needs me". it''s been very hard not having that interaction with him during the day - and, to a degree, i feel like he doesn''t know who i am when i come home. i tell myself that''s crazy talk when i think it, but my mind goes there. it''s also hard not to get resentful of DH who has fantastic flexible hours, and my in-laws who also get an entire day with charlie. the green-eyed monster is rearing it''s ugly head.
these feelings are also helping me evaluate everything in my life, the things that are truly important, and the things that are fluff. it sucks, but it''s a good thing - i don''t want to get complacent at my current situation just because it''s easier than making waves and changing everything up.
i certainty don''t want to come across as whiny or ''whoa is me'' - i know i''m incredibly lucky to have a job that pays very well, a beautiful house, a wonderful husband, an adorable little man - i just wish i could put my career on hold for another 3 or 4 months and come back when charlie was a smidge older. i know the grass is not always greener, however it looks that way to me now.

 

[ChinaCat]

Fiery-

I was so hoping for better news for Sophia. What an angel though, to do so well at the appointment. Keep us posted please!!!!

 

[Blenheim]

To those going back to work today - good luck! I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.

To those who were on board with CIO and now don''t think you can do it - Then just don''t. If you''re following your gut and maternal instincts, I think it''s very hard to make a bad decision. One day you may start to feel that it''s the right option for your family, and then at that time you can rethink it.

Viz - Wow! I know that the long days are very hard, but I have to agree with what DD said. If it were me, I''d give it time and save up as much money as possible while you figure things out. And keep reminding yourself that it''s not truly career or Charlie. You can have both, but it may just not be the way that you once imagined it.

And actually thinking about it, that''s kind of what we did (different time frame, different decisions, but similar general concept). I was not happy going back to work, at all. The days were not quite as long, but I felt like I didn''t see him anywhere near enough and there were weeks when DH and I were working opposite shifts (me out of house 7:15 am-5:15 pm, him out of house 5 pm-7 am) and it was hard. And my priorities shifted - work was less important than it used to be, and George was more important. But I gave it time, and we socked away money, and thought a lot about options. There was very little possibility for us to find better jobs in Michigan of all places (and we had tried), and it was much harder being so far away from family with a kid than we thought it would be, and so we eventually decided to just put the house on the market and move once it sold. And it did sell, and so now we''re living with my in-laws and looking for jobs here and living off of the money we saved. But the time, and seeing if we could get used to things or if we needed to change our situation, and all of the saved money really really helped. Thinking creatively does too. This is definitely not how I thought I would be living a year ago, but it''s what ended up making the most sense.

China - we did last night, if you scroll up a bit and read what I wrote late last night.

 

[Burk]

Love, love, love all the adorable baby pics!!

Viz~So sorry you've been put in am impossible situation. No advice really, just sympathy! I am lucky to work part-time and it is the perfect balance for us.

Mandarine~T had horrible reflux. Horrible. We had to go to a pedi GI doc. Zantac didn't work for her but I wouldn't hesitate to try it if I were you. We ended up on Prilosec. We also tried the AR formula...I wasn't a fan. Make sure to get the nipples with the "x" if you are going to try to put the rice cereal in their bottles. It's impossible with regular nipples. The other thing T's GI doc told us is that many times the reflux goes hand in hand with babies not being able to digest certain proteins (usually dairy) so it may not hurt to try them on a formula that has those proteins broken down better such as Similac Alimentum or Enfimil Nutramigen (which is what I believe is what Jacks is on). Good luck!

ETA~So sorry Fiery!

 

[ChinaCat]

Blen- I did read your post and that would be WONDERFUL if O does the same. Keep me posted on how the next few nights go. Any and all insight is appreciated!!

And while I am dreading CIO, I know he's ready and I know it won't kill him and I still believe it works with the right kid.

ETA: Viz- Is there ANY way you can take another month or two or work P/T for another month or two? Perhaps if you told your boss you want to take that other job (if you do) and let him know that long-term you are committed, but you just need a bit more time with C, you guys could work something out. Can't hurt to ask, right?

 

[vizsla]

Date: 2/4/2010 1:13:01 PM
Author: fiery
Just got back from Sophia''s appointment.


She has Level III kidney reflux and they also found fluid in her left kidney. I have to wait for the pedi to get the results to figure out what all of that means to Sophia.


She did really well during the testing though. She was really still while they did the ultrasound, complained when they put in the cath but went back to playing. The only time she cried was when they were trying to force her to pee with putting pressure on her bladder and pouring cold water on her. But she got over it.


Viz-I agree with DD. It doesn''t have to be your career or your family. You can have both. Plenty of women do. The first thing you have to realize is that you are a wonderful mother whether you spend all day in the office or all day with Charlie. And re-prioritize. If leaving your career is not really feasible then shift some other things around and figure out a good routine. And take the most of the weekends! I come home a lot of nights when Sophia is sleeping and it breaks my heart but I just take that time to get as much stuff done so that my weekends are all for Sophia.


((Big hugs)) It''s so hard balancing work and home life and even harder when you have a baby too

fiery - i forgot to dust you and sophia... bad viz... thinking about you and your little girl. what a trooper!!!!!

and you are so right! much like i was completely flabbergasted that no one *really* told me what the first 3 months would be like with baby... i''m shaking my head thinking, why didn''t anyone tell me how hard it would be to go back to work?.... like *really* tell me how hard it would be.. not this fluffy ''oh, it''s hard but you''ll get over it''. they should have said ''you will resent everyone who gets to stay home (at least for a little bit

) you will play the lotto, and you will sob uncontrollably before you leave for work so wait until you get there to put on your makeup.''

china - i''m super duper interested about when and if you decide to CIO.

lol about not knowing what i do... maybe i''ll send you a little ditty over on that other site

 

[vizsla]

thanks for everyone who has taken the time to give their opinions. i never thought things would get easier when i brought charlie home from the hospital, but they eventually did... and i'm feeling the same way now. and know they will.... in time. or, at least, i will keep making every attempt to get things in a better place for our family.

i've tried googling this, but don't really come up with much... do babies have a sense of time? how can they tell that dogs don't, but i can't get a straight answer if babies do?

 

[cdt1101]

Fiery - sorry to hear about Sophia. I''ll be thinking of her and that beautiful smile of hers

Viz - you''re funny! I have no idea if babies have sense of time, but I would think no. I think they just have a sense of routine