PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[Mandarine]

I think Alex has flat head...and now I feel like a terrible mom!!!

I do make them do tummy time, but they don''t ever last too long. I try to do it right after the nap which is when they are in the best mood. The thing is, they do spend a lot of time in bouncy chairs, boppys, etc...because I just simply can''t be carrying the two of them around all day

...if I take them out, they stay in their car seat for the same reason....if we stop I may take one out for a little while, but it''s tough to be carrying them around....and when there are people here I let them cuddle them, but don''t want them in arms too much because then once they leave, the babies will probably want the same from me and I just can''t do it.

here is a picture I took with the computer this morning...what do you guys think?

Also, my husband has a flat sort of profile...could it simply be genetics?...Lucas''s head is rounder in the back, but it''s been since birth.

 

[Mandarine]

they''re getting so much hair in the top of their heads, they look like they have mowhacks! hehehe

Now I''m really worried about his flat head. How do I change positions? They are swaddled and I use sleep positioners...I try to sometimes put them slightly on their side, but they always end up flat on their backs...

 

[lovelylulu]

sorry for the interruption

fiery - that video is ridiculously funny. thanks for linking!

 

[Mandarine]

My DH probably won't appreciate I'm calling him flat headed...lol, but wanted to post these so you see what I mean that maybe it's not flat head, but that's just the shape of his head???


ETA: Yes, carving a Turkey is serious business!!!

 

[fieryred33143]

Glad you ladies enjoyed the video!

Mandy-I''m no expert but it doesn''t look to me like its flat head. Has the pedi ever mentioned anything? That is something that they are supposed to look out for during their checkups.

 

[mela lu]

I just screwed up my post....trying again

 

[mela lu]

Date: 2/2/2010 7:26:26 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 2/2/2010 6:33:47 PM

Author: mela lu


Blen - I really don't know, as I don't bed share, but I do co-nap often during the day. He sleeps WAY better (longer) when we're together...which is great! His naps in his crib are short - only one sleep cycle.

Meeeelaaaaa You are going to have to let him learn the transition for naps eventually you know

hhaaa.... kidding kidding.

I know

I know

I know

 

[Blenheim]

Thanks to everyone who weighed in. An update - DH and I talked yesterday afternoon (and I just actually saw some of your posts, but I think we reached the same conclusion) and decided that the problem was likely inconsistency with where he slept. We decided to have him sleep in the crib for all of last night. Like Pandora, we were planning on bedsharing until we all mutually decided it was time to stop, and he obviously does not want to stop right now, and so I really wasn't sure how last night was going to go. Or really, the next week or so, as he transitions. I gave him Tylenol before bedtime, just in case teething has anything to do with it. He cried in the crib with me patting him and then he stood up and then I'd set him back down and he'd cry with me patting him etc from 8:10 to 9:00. DH took over at 9 pm and G finally went to sleep at 9:15. He was back up at 9:30, and DH got him back to sleep in about 10 minutes. We went to bed at 11:30, George was up at 12:30. I nursed him and then pat pat pat in the crib and then DH took over pat pat pat and he just kept crying. We were both exhausted, and the crying seemed to be more of the one-"wuuuuh"-wait a few seconds to see if they're going to come apnd pick me up-"wuuaah"-wait a few seconds variety, and so we both just got into bed to see if he'd settle on his own. He went to sleep on his own in a few minutes at that point without it really escalating. Up again at 5:40, and I was engorged and tired and just brought him to bed to nurse and we both fell asleep there. I'm not sure if that was okay or not, from a consistency/sleeping-in-the-crib standpoint. As Mela pointed out, he's not able to tell time.

All in all, a lot more crying than I really wanted to deal with, which I think is one reason that we haven't been as consistent as we probably should. Plus the crib is in our room, at our inlaws, so everyone has to hear it. I'm expecting the next few nights to be kind of similar, and then hopefully he'll get the message that crib=sleep.

TGal - I think you had asked long ago why some people may go from being anti-CIO to using it? George is now at the age where he's able to distinguish more between wants and needs, and I can tell that sometimes he's crying specifically in order to see if someone responds and not because he feels like he really needs something. I don't want to use CIO, but I think that it's appropriate for where he is developmentally and the specific problems we're having, and we may end up using it as a last resort. And I guess we kind of used it at 12:30 last night. But I want to try some other methods first, and really stick with them, before going to it for real.

Mandy- I'm having a hard time telling how much of your husband's head shape is his head and how much is his hair, if that makes sense. Really can't tell if it's flat head or not, sorry. Hmm.

Mela - having some issues there?

And did you test, woman?! Come on!

 

[vizsla]

fiery - you made my day! i had SUCH an awful morning. that little video sure did put a smile on my face.

blen - i'm worried we are creating a sleeping monster too. but it's just sooooo hard b/c charlie didn't sleep for longer for 1hr stretches at night for almost 3 months - last week we started co-sleeping and he is doing 3 hr stretches (or at least 1 3 hr stretch, which i will gladly take!) it's been HEAVEN.... but i *am* nervous that we are going down the wrong path. but we got desperate! plus, now that i'm working and only see him for (if i'm lucky) an hour awake everyday i love the time we get to spend together at night. i don't have *any* advice or answers, but loads of support. would purchasing something made for safely co-sleeping be an option. meaning, if you put G to bed (in your bed safely) at 8:00 he might sleep better just because he is used to that bed?
like this?
http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Close-Secure-Sleeper/dp/B00012CHFI

mandy - no offense to your hubby's head... but baby's head looks surprisingly similar to DH - particularly in the pic when DH is in the white shirt.
C hates tummy time too.... but then again, i've created a monster by always carrying him around. i'm hoping the one benefit of daycare is that they will be more diligent with tummy time.

speaking of daycare - charlie already has a wicked cold

the teacher said it is to be expected and that he will probably get everything under the sun (with the expectation that he will build up his immunity and be sick less often when he is older) - but coupled with only seeing him for a short period of time yesterday, and leaving a sick baby today......

right now it's just a cold and runny nose, but he seems so upset and it sounds like he's losing his voice

we have a wellness/weight check on friday at the pedi so hopefully things don't get any worse before friday.

since i'm mentally drained with trying to come up with reasonable solutions for quality part time work, i thought i'd open up my last remaining brain cell to you ladies. i'd love to hear some ideas, or maybe stories of people you know who work part time, or how you make it work? i'd be totally up for switching careers if the fit was right. it's just that i'm having such a hard time figuring out how to get out of my immediate situation.

i was trying to talk DH into downsizing our car/expenses so that i could take the next 3 months - stay at home with charlie, while looking for another job. he thinks i need to be working while i do this, which i understand, but kinda defeats the purpose of being with him *now*.

i'd love to at *least* have just an 8 hour day. it's amazing what those extra 3 hours would mean to me and my mental health.

 

[mela lu]

Blen - Goooood Chaaaaab! I think that went "quite well" for your first night CIO-ish

. I'm telling you, two more nights of that and he'll totally "get it". Its hard while you're going through it...but once they learn it, it'll be worth it. It's so hard to listen to they "cry" (all the varying degrees).

I'll probably pick up a test today just to be sure, but after a solid 2 hr nap yesterday (with Romeo in my bed

) and a great night sleep, I feel much better. I'm not feeling like I'm going to pass out anymore. Phew. That was scary. I think I was MAJORLY exhausted from running around.


ETA: Vis. You have my sympathies. I just don't know how you hard working mommas do it. I don't have any concrete suggestions, but I do *personally* think that your mental health and the precious time spent with Charlie is WAAAAAY more important than a job. I vote to decrease expenses and leave you jab. Look for something p/t in your area, even if it's a huge paycut. It may just be the balance you're needing.


What else. Oh MANDY - I don't really know if thats flat head. I'd ask your pedi. My DH has a ToFH (Touch o' Flat Head) genetically too, so, yah. Thats all. Alex is gorgeous - and by default, Lucas too. LOL. Let the identical twin jokes begin! WHeeeeee!

PS. I leave this sunday for A MONTH in Florida with my BFF and her 1 yr old. Yippeeeee!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 2/3/2010 9:30:37 AM
Author: vizsla
fiery - you made my day! i had SUCH an awful morning. that little video sure did put a smile on my face.

blen - i''m worried we are creating a sleeping monster too. but it''s just sooooo hard b/c charlie didn''t sleep for longer for 1hr stretches at night for almost 3 months - last week we started co-sleeping and he is doing 3 hr stretches (or at least 1 3 hr stretch, which i will gladly take!) it''s been HEAVEN.... but i *am* nervous that we are going down the wrong path. but we got desperate! plus, now that i''m working and only see him for (if i''m lucky) an hour awake everyday i love the time we get to spend together at night. i don''t have *any* advice or answers, but loads of support. would purchasing something made for safely co-sleeping be an option. meaning, if you put G to bed (in your bed safely) at 8:00 he might sleep better just because he is used to that bed?
like this?
http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Close-Secure-Sleeper/dp/B00012CHFI

mandy - no offense to your hubby''s head... but baby''s head looks surprisingly similar to DH - particularly in the pic when DH is in the white shirt.
C hates tummy time too.... but then again, i''ve created a monster by always carrying him around. i''m hoping the one benefit of daycare is that they will be more diligent with tummy time.

speaking of daycare - charlie already has a wicked cold

the teacher said it is to be expected and that he will probably get everything under the sun (with the expectation that he will build up his immunity and be sick less often when he is older) - but coupled with only seeing him for a short period of time yesterday, and leaving a sick baby today......

right now it''s just a cold and runny nose, but he seems so upset and it sounds like he''s losing his voice

we have a wellness/weight check on friday at the pedi so hopefully things don''t get any worse before friday.

since i''m mentally drained with trying to come up with reasonable solutions for quality part time work, i thought i''d open up my last remaining brain cell to you ladies. i''d love to hear some ideas, or maybe stories of people you know who work part time, or how you make it work? i''d be totally up for switching careers if the fit was right. it''s just that i''m having such a hard time figuring out how to get out of my immediate situation.

i was trying to talk DH into downsizing our car/expenses so that i could take the next 3 months - stay at home with charlie, while looking for another job. he thinks i need to be working while i do this, which i understand, but kinda defeats the purpose of being with him *now*.

i''d love to at *least* have just an 8 hour day. it''s amazing what those extra 3 hours would mean to me and my mental health.

Viz - the Secure Sleeper only works till they can push up. I have Daisy napping in our bed and what we do is have a very sensitive baby alarm along with the toddler bed bars so she can''t accidently roll out. I then get in there fast when she wakes up - normally she just sits and waits for me now but initially when she started getting mobile she would crawl down the bed - she''s fallen off 3 times and maybe learnt not to!

We started co-sleeping in an attempt to get more sleep - D only slept an hour at a time at night plus she''d fall asleep while I was doing a night feed and then wake up when I tried to put her down in the co-sleeper. Once she was in with us I finally started to get some sleep and it''s been great since then.

Both DH and I are fairl silent sleepers and neither of us move much in the night and it seems Daisy is the same - she''s so quiet that even though she''s right next to me I check her sometimes to see if she is! I am hyper-aware though and have even reached over and pulled DH back into bed thinking he''s Daisy when he''s got up in the night...

although studies have shown that mothers who breast-feed don''t enter the deepest phase of sleep due to hormones preventing it so I''d be hyper-aware even if she was in a cot.

If you want to co-sleep I think the most important thing is that you are both on board with it - especially as it can interfere with ''fun times''

 

[NovemberBride]

Viz,

I feel for you and I have a feeling that I am going to be in the same situation once I return to work tomorrow. I would really love to stay home at least another 3-6 months. Unfortunately, I make a lot more money than DH and I also have pesky law school loans to pay off, so that isn''t an option right now. My company is bankrupt and I''ll be losing my job at some point this year. I''ll be entitled to a great severance package when that happens, which will allow me to stay home for quite a while. Is it wrong that I am praying to be laid off? The other dilemma that I''ll have at that point is whether I use that money to stay home or save it for Olivia''s education (the severance package would basically pay for her college education.) I am leaning towards using it to stay home and continuing to save for college as planned, but it''s a tough decision. Like you, once I am back in the job market I''ll be looking for something more flexible. I left my former job at a large law firm because I knew I''d want more flexibility when I had a baby, but turns out I''d like even more flexibility (telecommute, work part-time, etc). It''s tough to find such jobs as an attorney and especially in the area we live in. I am not sure what type of work you are in or where you live, but I have several friends that work for pharmaceutical companies and are able to work from home a good part of the time.

As for whether to quit your current job while looking for a new one, I think that depends on whether you can reduce expenses enough that you could afford to be out of work indefinitely. I wouldn''t do it if you would need to find a job within a set period of time (3 months) because in this economy a lot of people are out of work much longer than that.

Mandy,

I wouldn''t worry about the flat head, my understanding is that most cases resolve themselves once the babies begin sitting and crawling. If you''re really concerned, just give your pedi a call and see what he/she says.

 

[fieryred33143]

Viz-I''m so sorry

. Leaving a baby behind while you work is soooo hard and when they get sick, it''s even harder

. Would your company be open to hours like 7 to 3pm? We have a Manager here that works those hours because she has 3 children at home. I don''t know how she was able to get it approved but I think it was a "let me do this or I''m leaving" situation with old management and they let her do it. Our new CFO doesn''t let anyone have flex hours.

**********

So I was going through and putting together everyone''s LO''s b-days because I like to keep track (

) and I realized, and she probably doesn''t want me to mention this, that Hunter''s b-day is less than 3 weeks away!

Also, happy 8 months to Lex

 

[vizsla]

it''s so funny because before having charlie i was all about the perks in life, the trips, the new clothes, car, furniture, baubles etc. and now it all seems so silly. charlie doesn''t need these things, he needs love and a healthy learning environment in which to grow. he doesn''t care if his clothes are second hand, or if his mom is driving a used car. gah, i just can''t believe i feel this way sometimes. it''s amazing what having a baby will do to turn not only your *life* on it''s tail, but your *LIFE* around.

i''m hoping i look back at this thread in 3 months and things have changed for the better. much like when i first posted when charlie was born.

pandora - interesting stuff. i am hyper aware of charlie in bed too. we don''t use any co-sleeper product right now - and i''ve never had the fear of rolling over on him, or him being in harms way at any point during the night. i was just wondering, in the future - if we continue to co-sleep how to keep the little bugger in a confined area until we go to bed. although, DH is totally opposed to this sleep solution long-term. and says as soon as C goes for longer stretches at night he''s getting kicked out of our room. i''m hoping that by then i will have found something more flexible and won''t think that nighttime is our only quality time together.

 

[vizsla]

Date: 2/3/2010 10:49:52 AM
Author: fiery
Viz-I''m so sorry

. Leaving a baby behind while you work is soooo hard and when they get sick, it''s even harder

. Would your company be open to hours like 7 to 3pm? We have a Manager here that works those hours because she has 3 children at home. I don''t know how she was able to get it approved but I think it was a ''let me do this or I''m leaving'' situation with old management and they let her do it. Our new CFO doesn''t let anyone have flex hours.


**********


So I was going through and putting together everyone''s LO''s b-days because I like to keep track (

) and I realized, and she probably doesn''t want me to mention this, that Hunter''s b-day is less than 3 weeks away!

Also, happy 8 months to Lex

gah! i WISH!!!! right now my hours are 7:30-5:30 with nearly an hour commute round trip - and many people stay much much later, and are *expected* to. my company is ''young'' and doesn''t offer flex time to any of it''s employees. it''s very anti-family. i''m kicking myself that i didn''t get this ball rolling sooner... i *knew* full well when i was PG how things were at work... i was in total denial i guess. i thought the paycheck would make up for the time away from home...... it does not.

 

[vizsla]

doy, sorry to post so much today.... BUT i keep forgetting to put up this little pic of my babies... my vizsla and my little man...

crap, here come the tears.

 

[Blenheim]

Viz - George could overtake that device in about one second flat.

I think those are a great option for when they're younger, though. It sounds like some of our reasons for cosleeping are fairly similar (the time together, longer sleep stretches) and I really don't have regrets about cosleeping when he was younger. How old is Charlie again? My ped said at G's 4 month visit that 4-6 months is a relatively easy time to move them to a crib, if you're so inclined.

On the topic of work, I'd tough it out for a little while and see how you're feeling after the transition of going back to work. I hear that it gets easier for most people. It got harder for me, because I hated several aspects about my job (and the feeling was mutual among my coworkers) and we were homesick, and so the "right" decision for us became more apparent with time and I knew that it wasn't just hormones talking, etc. Is there any way to work 8 hours in the office, and then come home and spend a couple hours with baby and then work from home for the remaining 3 hours once he goes to bed? Or do you need to work the 7:30-5:30 in the office?

ETA - very cute picture, and BIG HUG. I know it's super hard right now, but you'll figure something out that works.

Mela - Ok, a confession. I didn't chart last cycle (just used condoms), and then I was "late" (although what does that really mean, if you don't know when you ovulated?). And I was super tired and took a couple of naps even. And then I was having some fertile-seeming CM, which could mean ovulation was impending 30-something days into the cycle, but then again I had the same thing when I was newly preggo with George. So, I decided to POAS just to make sure. And I somehow peed both on the wick part and on the test window (stupid, stupid) and then it came up with two lines. But the test line was all fuzzy and weird looking, and I think that peeing on the freaking window invalidates the test results. And since I POAS instead of PIAC (as I said, stupid all around), I couldn't dip a new test or anything. DH was like, "How do you pee on the window?" and I was like "SHUT UP!" So I POAS again the next morning (BFN), and then a couple of hours later felt distinct ovulation pain, and then got AF 2 weeks later. PHEW. But... long story short... tiredness could just be dealing with a baby. But there's only one way to know for sure! FL sounds amazing right now. We just got snow last night, and evidently more is on its way.

 

[Blenheim]

And now I''m going to be the one to post a lot today.

George''s hair is CRACKING ME UP. Teehee.

 

[TravelingGal]

First Mandy, you are not a bad mom! You have twins! As you said, you can''t hold them all the time!

Secondly, yes it could be genetics. Or your husband may have a flatter head due to positioning himself. A lot of my friends have flat heads because some parents believed that a flat head and broad forehead were attractive traits. My cousin hates her mom for it.

Obviously if that''s the case for your husband, it was no big deal for him because he''s gorgeous!

Just go look at any side profile shots of him when he was younger and see if his head was much rounder. If not, he probably genetically has a flatter head than his twin. Seems to me that both should have equally flat heads if they are both spending a lot of time in the positions you say, but only one has it.

As for things you can do - a little bit goes a long way. Can they roll over yet? If not, tape up some interesting stuff on one side of their crib so they look at it. Then after awhile, repeat on the other side. If they aren''t adverse to it, lay them across your lap, tummy down and just massage their backs so they get some tummy time that way. Roll up a small towel under their sheets so it tilts their heads a little one side, and the next night do the other side. Or if you are uncomfortable with this, just do it during naps when they can be monitored. Btw, this only really works if they aren''t big movers in their sleep!

When your husband is home, see if he will help you with tummy time. Each of you take one of your son and put them on their tummies, so if he were to look up, he''d see his twin (and one of his parents!) Hover over him, cover his hands with yours and tuck them under him, basically bracing him on his arms/elbows (as if a person was doing a hover workout move). This helps prop up his shoulders and gives him support to look up. I think at his age, they''re probably already good with head control, but it''s a nice exercise nonetheless.

The key is little by little, to just change the positions throughout the day. Honestly, if the kids are indeed on their backs of their heads a lot, the chances are that it has gotten flatter (but may not have been overly round to begin with). If my memory serves me correctly, Amelia''s physical therapist told me that if left on the back, by 4-5 months, the heads get pretty flat (so it can happen fast when they are so little). If the head is NOT flat, by 7 months, you''re usually in the clear and not have to worry about it. Which means it can usually be corrected without much effort if the kid is younger than 7 months. Later than that, if it is severe, at that point they usually go the helmet route.

You can ask your doc at their next appointment. Most likely he''ll just pooh pooh you and say it''s fine and nothing to worry about, which is probably the case. Again, flat head is just aesthetic, and far less noticeable once hair grows in. It does seem that in your DH''s case, it might be a bit of genetics? His face doesn''t look really wide from what I remember. I''ve sure you''ve all seen adults who have brachycephaly...their facial features seem small compared to the overall size of their face and is sort of on the lower half of the face, compared to evenly dispersed out.


DD, yes, I agree, it can be weird looking, but either I get used to it on my friends''s kids or it just sort of evens out when they are toddlers. It doesn''t surprise me that many moms don''t notice it...it happens gradually over a few months and with that being the period when moms are most exhausted, they probably notice even less. And some are not even aware that babies on their backs too much will cause flat head. I think we''ll see a lot more of it with the recommendation that babies sleep on their backs now the norm.


Blen, as you know, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with CIO, and appreciate your insight. I just have never bought the "I don''t want to teach my child that ignoring him is OK" argument that many say. If that was really the case, one would never use CIO because regardless of whether you can decide whether he''s crying to see if someone responds or if he really needs something, you''re still ignoring him and possibly "teaching" him ignoring is OK. I think stances like the one I mentioned are not positive because it may make mothers who do use CIO feel like bad parents. Where does one draw the line? Using CIO at one year? 9 months? 4 months (as a few here have done?) I think when people use CIO, it''s often just as much because the PARENTS have gotten over their guilt (or the situation is dire enough that it outweighs the guilt) as it is the child''s developmental needs.

Many of my close friends use CIO. Out of all of them, none of them ever let a newborn/young infant cry without being comforted. At what point they decided to use CIO varied. My point is, and as you imply in your post, that every mother does the best she can and knows their situation best. To say that you shouldn''t use CIO on a 5 month old because will scar them, etc etc (I''m not saying YOU did, btw, just one of the anti CIO arguments I hear often) isn''t doing anyone a service. Mothers know what their kids can handle and the babies are usually smiling and fine the next morning.

As Dreamer wisely once said, once the kid is here, your ideals and expectations go out the window. Which is why I just sit back and silently chuckle when new moms say they will *not* do something. Lord knows how my game plans are always changing!

 

[AmberWaves]

Oh Viz, I''m sorry for you having to go back to work. Paul has hours like that, he really only sees Piper for three hours max at home, and when he holds her she gets all fussy, so he gets sad. Then he works on the weekends, too, so it''s rare we have family time. Still, it''s not at all like Mommy working. I hope you guys can find a reasonable solution, both to sleeping and work.

I love the pictures, sooo cuuuute!

So I have come to realize Piper looks just like her dad. It''s a good thing I love him.

Question re: flat heads. Piper naps in her car seat M-F for a few hours, but spends maybe 10 more minutes a day in it max (I work close to home). If I take her out while she''s already sleeping she wakes up and refuses to nap for the rest of the day, which is a PITA. Should I stop this? It''s really a godsend for us.

 

[Blenheim]

TGal - On the ignoring argument, I don''t really feel like going back and reading what I''ve written on CIO in the past (man, is parenting humbling) but I think that I have written on here about how I don''t like what CIO teaches them. But I''ve just realized lately - I can construe whatever I do as teaching him something that it shouldn''t. If I pick him up, it teaches him that if he yells long enough he gets his way. (And I''ll admit I used to roll my eyes when people talked about babies being able to manipulate, but all of us have noticed that he has gotten increasingly sophisticated in the past couple of weeks on that end of things. I''ll eat my words on that one too.) If I don''t pick him up, it teaches him that I don''t care, or that it''s okay to ignore someone who''s in distress. So I''ll screw him up regardless of what I do.

And you''re right. I''m talking about where he is developmentally, but it''s us just as much as it is him. I know people who have been in more dire situations for like 18 months straight and did not resort to CIO. It''s just that he has reached the developmetal stage where DH and I feel comfortable doing it if last night''s method (or another non-CIO method, if anyone has suggestions) doesn''t really produce results in a week or so. And while we could spend hours a night comforting him, as Dreamer pointed out yesterday when talking about her situation, there comes a time when enough is enough. And this is something I struggle with. We didn''t have a baby because they''re convenient by any stretch of the imagination, and as I said I know people who have kept up comforting them every time they cry for months and months and months. So part of me feels selfish for saying, "Ok, this is getting ridiculous, you are sleeping in that crib Mister. Tantrum all you like but I''m not picking you up." But I am starting to feel like enough is enough.

 

[TravelingGal]

Mandy, I just went back and looked at the pics of the kids on your twins thread.

From all the pics, it''s really hard to tell. From the pic you posted here, and if I were to discount the hair (which is adding roundness), I would guess that he has mild brachycephaly. However, from the pics you posted on the twin thread, his face doesn''t have that brachy look from it from the front view. However, his head in his newborn pic does look rounder from the angle I''m looking at it.

If it really is a concern for you, ask your ped and request he refer you to a specialist just to check. If it is flat head and you want to correct it, you want to catch it early.

Amber, what do you mean, exactly, by a few hours? I do think survival is key in those early months, and sleeping in a carseat won''t kill anyone. I know you take her to work, and if I were you, I wouldn''t want to take her happily sleeping out of a carseat either! An acquaintance of mine said her daughter could only sleep in the carseat, so they left her there OVERNIGHT too. She slept in the carseat until 6 months. I saw the girl when she was 4 months old and I audibly gasped when I saw her. Holy cow, did she EVER have a flat head and a WIDE face. She looked like a frisbee. From the top, her head was exactly like the pic I posted. Now at 2 years old, she doesn''t look so freaky, but I can totally tell her face is wider than what it could have been.

Flathead isn''t the main reason IMHO to not sleep in the carseat...it can also cause spine issues. Those seats are cushioned, but they are HARD. It''s hard to say if you should stop, because I can''t imagine what a PITA it would be to have her at work with you and cranky from lack of sleep. A couple of hours in the carseat is not the end of the world. I did it with Amelia all the time, although in my case, my goal was to GET her on the back of her head since she had torticollis and was at risk for plagiocephaly and not brachycephaly.

Does Piper sleep at night flat on her head, or on the side of her head? Changing the position of her night sleeping can balance out whatever flatness the carseat causes.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 12:50:13 PM
Author: Blenheim
TGal - On the ignoring argument, I don''t really feel like going back and reading what I''ve written on CIO in the past (man, is parenting humbling) but I think that I have written on here about how I don''t like what CIO teaches them. But I''ve just realized lately - I can construe whatever I do as teaching him something that it shouldn''t. If I pick him up, it teaches him that if he yells long enough he gets his way. (And I''ll admit I used to roll my eyes when people talked about babies being able to manipulate, but all of us have noticed that he has gotten increasingly sophisticated in the past couple of weeks on that end of things. I''ll eat my words on that one too.) If I don''t pick him up, it teaches him that I don''t care, or that it''s okay to ignore someone who''s in distress. So I''ll screw him up regardless of what I do.

And you''re right. I''m talking about where he is developmentally, but it''s us just as much as it is him. I know people who have been in more dire situations for like 18 months straight and did not resort to CIO. It''s just that he has reached the developmetal stage where DH and I feel comfortable doing it if last night''s method (or another non-CIO method, if anyone has suggestions) doesn''t really produce results in a week or so. And while we could spend hours a night comforting him, as Dreamer pointed out yesterday when talking about her situation, there comes a time when enough is enough. And this is something I struggle with. We didn''t have a baby because they''re convenient by any stretch of the imagination, and as I said I know people who have kept up comforting them every time they cry for months and months and months. So part of me feels selfish for saying, ''Ok, this is getting ridiculous, you are sleeping in that crib Mister. Tantrum all you like but I''m not picking you up.'' But I am starting to feel like enough is enough.

Blen, I''ve always thought you have a good head on your shoulders, and I think you''re right...we''re all screwing up our kids in the end anyway no matter what we do. Hehehe.

Yes, babies can manipulate, but I always thought it was the wrong word to use (even though I use it) because it implies deceitfulness. And we all know babies are guileless.

I just like to say babies are smarter than what we give credit for, are all about learning cause and effect, and start to figure out pretty quickly how to use it to get what they want/need.

Yes, parenting is humbling. I''d never seen a non-oral baby before I had Amelia. She never even drooled - never had to use a bib. I had to take her to therapy to teach her to bite and put things into her mouth herself. All this, at a year old, while other kids were happily chomping away on stuff and making a huge mess of themselves, and boy was I envious. And I kept sitting there thinking...is it really her, or somewhere along the way, did I making eating an unpleasant experience for her? Probably both, but I''ll never know. I never ever though eating would be an issue. I was a "good" mom...didn''t give her the crap jarred stuff and made all her stuff homemade.

Now that I think about it, I think it was my horrible cooking that scarred her! Talk about humbling...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 12:50:13 PM
Author: Blenheim
And while we could spend hours a night comforting him, as Dreamer pointed out yesterday when talking about her situation, there comes a time when enough is enough. And this is something I struggle with. We didn''t have a baby because they''re convenient by any stretch of the imagination, and as I said I know people who have kept up comforting them every time they cry for months and months and months. So part of me feels selfish for saying, ''Ok, this is getting ridiculous, you are sleeping in that crib Mister. Tantrum all you like but I''m not picking you up.'' But I am starting to feel like enough is enough.

Oh, and one more comment re: what you said above.

We didn''t have a baby because it was convenient either. It''s all about mindset and philosophy, I guess. For me, it''s more convenient to ease my guilt and comfort than to deal with a tough night and make her CIO. I think it''s less selfish to try and teach her, no matter how stressful it is for me, to learn to self soothe. I see what you''re saying, but just wanted to encourage you that you are not being selfish - we all just learn to be parents a day at a time.

 

[E B]

Blen-

My husband and I were also against CIO. I still wouldn't feel comfortable doing it before a certain age, but a couple of weeks ago, we reached our breaking point. We were co-sleeping, and he was waking every ~2 hours. He couldn't put himself to sleep without being nursed, and wouldn't accept side-lying. I had to be sitting up with him curled around me. Husband and I were zombies.

We did a "modified" Ferber, moving him to his crib in his nursery. IIRC, Ferb says not to touch the baby when checking on him/her, but I did. I rubbed his back and belly to get him to stop crying, even for a minute. I'll admit, the first night was rough, and he only cried for a total of 10 mins (with two "checks" from us). The next night was the same, and the third night was worse. I questioned sticking with it because I was feeling a lot of guilt. But we decided to go forward, and it got better with each night. Now? He'll wail for about 15 seconds, talk to himself for a minute, and he's out until 4:00-5:00 am. Not exactly 12 hours, but we'll take it.

One mistake we made in the beginning was trying Ferb for both naps (2x a day) AND bedtime. It was simply too much for him all at once. We still nap together for the most part while he becomes use to self-soothing at bedtime, and we'll slowly start with naps in the near future. So far, his napping with me hasn't affected his STTN. If George is already napping in his crib, you (probably) won't have to worry about it being as overwhelming.

I know you know how it works, but I thought I'd summarize our experience in case it's at all helpful.

 

[AmberWaves]

Tgal, thanks for your help/advice. She''s typically in her car seat anywhere from 7-11am, but other than those times (and not every day, sometimes she decides to be awake all day, other times to nap in her crib.

At night she sleeps on her back, alternating sides of her head (she does this by herself), when she''s in her swing, we have the option to change which side it faces, so she can look at the scene at the back of the swing, so sometimes she faces left, sometimes right. I hold her a lot, and she spends a ton of time on her stomach, too (with monitoring). Our pediatrician hasn''t mentioned it, but I''m very paranoid.

THANKS!

 

[fieryred33143]

Re CIO: I''m sort of the opposite. I was one that was always on board with CIO (at the appropriate age of course). FI and I agreed on an age where we felt that Sophia should be ok with STTN and todl ourselves we would CIO. Then it came time to do it and I couldn''t. I lasted exactly 1 minute and needed to run in there.

********

Can I request some dust for tomorrow? We are checking to see if Sophia has kidney reflux. I think she doesn''t and think that the UTI she had last month was a one time thing but the pedi wants to be sure. I think its scored 1 to 5 with 5 being the most severe. Surgery isn''t too common but I have read stories where the LO came back at a 5 and needed surgery.

Anyway, if you can keep positive thoughts for Sophia I''d appreciate it

 

[Blenheim]

TGal - Aw, thanks. I realized just after I left for lunch that I probably wasn't clear enough with the selfish comment - a large part of why I'm feeling selfish is that I would really prefer to spend that hour watching TV instead of sitting and comforting a screaming baby, and if I leave him to scream (warning - overly emotional gross over-exaggeration ahead!) then I'm choosing TV over him. If we go that route, I think I need to reframe it to match your thinking.

Ebree - Hearing about your experience is helpful - thanks!

ETA - dust for Sophia!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 2:19:43 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Tgal, thanks for your help/advice. She''s typically in her car seat anywhere from 7-11am, but other than those times (and not every day, sometimes she decides to be awake all day, other times to nap in her crib.

At night she sleeps on her back, alternating sides of her head (she does this by herself), when she''s in her swing, we have the option to change which side it faces, so she can look at the scene at the back of the swing, so sometimes she faces left, sometimes right. I hold her a lot, and she spends a ton of time on her stomach, too (with monitoring). Our pediatrician hasn''t mentioned it, but I''m very paranoid.

THANKS!

Amber, I''m no expert, but I think she''ll be OK, especially if she''s not flat on her head at night. Think 24 hours in a day, so if things are being varied over that time, she''s in good shape (pun intended.)

 

[AmberWaves]

Fiery, dust for tomorrow!!