PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[KimberlyH]

Vis, you have done abslolutely everything you can to take care of C, no more beating yourself up. Amazing Mommy Award for sure!

Ally, I love my Ergo! I have found that following Jane's lead has worked really well for us. She's moved her own bedtime, eliminated nightime feedings all on her own. I find that she tells me/us what she needs.

PB, I got the regular Ergo. I think the other is called Ergo Sport.

Mara, your dilemma is amusing me because of the conversations we've had about this in the past (not in a snarky way). Of course it would be nice if he only cried for 15 minutes one night and then started self-soothing or you could avoid hearing it all together but that's not typically what CIO is no matter how big or small your house is or where his bedroom is in proximity to yours (you could go sit in the car like Vis' friend). Since J is more comfortable warm, if you do opt to have him CIO I meant you should do whatever you can to make him comfortable when you first put him down for the night and then not go back in, because the more you respond to him at night, because you think he's cold or has a dirty diaper or whatever the reason, the longer it's going to take for CIO to work. For what it's worth, I agree with your mom and I don't think it makes you a "wuss." Once he can get his own pacifier I would revisit your options, but there will always be something going on that could be a reason not to let him CIO.

****

Jane slept from 7:30-7:30. Poor little girl is sick. She has a slight fever. I'm sick too, but have no fever. We're just laying low.

 

[KimberlyH]

Vis, you have done abslolutely everything you can to take care of C, no more beating yourself up. Amazing Mommy Award for sure!

Ally, I love my Ergo! I have found that following Jane's lead has worked really well for us. She's moved her own bedtime, eliminated nightime feedings all on her own. I find that she tells me/us what she needs.

PB, I got the regular Ergo. I think the other is called Ergo Sport.

Mara, your dilemma is amusing me because of the conversations we've had about this in the past (not in a snarky way). Of course it would be nice if he only cried for 15 minutes one night and then started self-soothing or you could avoid hearing it all together but that's not typically what CIO is no matter how big or small your house is or where his bedroom is in proximity to yours (you could go sit in the car like Vis' friend). Since J is more comfortable warm, if you do opt to have him CIO I meant you should do whatever you can to make him comfortable when you first put him down for the night and then not go back in, because the more you respond to him at night, because you think he's cold or has a dirty diaper or whatever the reason, the longer it's going to take for CIO to work. For what it's worth, I agree with your mom and I don't think it makes you a "wuss." Once he can get his own pacifier I would revisit your options, but there will always be something going on that could be a reason not to let him CIO.

****

Jane slept from 7:30-7:30. Poor little girl is sick. She has a slight fever. I'm sick too, but have no fever. We're just laying low.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Mara, I've used my white noise machine and/or earplugs when I really need to sleep. Like you, our house is small, and we can hear Claire in our bedroom when both of our bedroom doors are closed. Maybe that would help with CIO? You'd still hear enough to know if the cries were "Wah, wah, I'm tired, I need to go back to sleep" or "Wah! Help me! Something's wrong!"

 

[Mara]

I totally agree Kim re: convos I have had in the past. CIO--what's the problem?!?!

But I do believe in it. Right now I just let him CIO for a nap and he went down after 5 min of crying. In that sense I feel like it's effective. I know he's totally covered with full tummy, diaper, it's warm, can see him in the monitor, so I don't have an issue not responding. It actually doesn't bother me to hear him cry in this type of situation.

But if it's like 12 hours of sleep at night there is a lot more of 'what if' going on in my mind, hunger, poop, teething. What if something hurts. What if he feels abandoned, it's so dark (he has a nightlight). That is a long time to not have him know i am checking on him. I do check on him but he's asleep so he doesn't know that.

One of my friends did CIO and it was only possible for her because she was across the house and they couldn't hear the baby. If J was in a totally safe situation in his crib and I had a video monitor, I'd be totally fine with turning the sound off and I would be able to also sleep that way. OH and when I say this kid cries, the SCREAMS he lets out are terrifying sometimes. But he isn't in a bad situation. It's so crazy actually.

It's like karma for me being all YES CIO should be done... because now I am in this situ where I can't escape my kid's crying so CIO doesn't seem as plausible. But I still do believe CIO is effective if it can be done correctly and that latter part of the sentence is the part I am having issues with. I feel like it's def me not him.

Sha I think you asked about cereal--when I give J too much cereal he gets really hard poos so I am trying to use less cereal and add more veggies in.

Kim sorry J and you are sick! Hope you feel better soon.

PG thanks, actually you gave me an idea. We have a bathroom fan that is pretty loud in our master and it drowns out a lot of J's cries because when I am in the bathroom and/or in the shower a lot of times I can just barely hear him. I might have to do that if we decide to CIO--it would prob help.

The amazing thing is that G can sleep through WWIII happening in our kid's bedroom with no sound machine necessary. Even the 'super screams'. It's kinda scary actually!!! I will have to mull over what to do with J at night. Some nights I feel more exasperated than others as well.

Here's our BPF..apropos re: the discussions. This is how I found him when I went in at 9:15am to wake him up. He slept til 7:15 this morning but I was exhausted so I binked him and tossed one more blanket on him, and he fell back asleep for 2 more hours and I got an extra 30 min and then could take 2 conf calls. And he seriously loves to be snuggled like this. As I start to feel more comfortable with him and his strength levels, I will prob let him have the holey white/blue blanket in his crib more consistently, my Mom made it and he loves to snuggle with it for naps.

 

[anchor31]

I forgot it was Friday! Cute pics, everyone! Mara - J loves his blanky too. I use a thin receiving blanket I got at one of my showers. I got him a cute hat and wanted to show it off...

 

[Mara]

love the BPF's!! anchor cute hat!!

so I gave J some cinnamon in his lunch a little while ago (zucchini, apricot and oatmeal) and now he has a huge red skinned mouth splotch on the bottom half of his face. when i googled online it said that it's common for babies to get a skin reaction to cinnamon...weird?!?! he seems otherwise totally fine. this is the first 'allergic' reaction he has had. i wonder how long it will take to go away??

 

[KimberlyH]

Mara, I don't doubt the effectiveness, I just believe there are other methods that work too, although they may take longer and require a different sort of effort then stomaching the sound of your baby screaming, and that not using cio doesn't mean a parent is wimpy.

As for the food reaction it should clear up in a few days. I'd avoid putting anything but water on it.

**

Jane has spent most of the day eating and sleeping. She doesn't have the energy to cry, just put her down and she whimpered to sleep. My poor little pixie.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Ally, that is the cutest baptismal dress ever! I love her happy face. And omg, you're so pretty

Mara, that's how Micah likes to sleep! I give him one of those thin cotton receiving blankets at night because he loves to smush it in his hands and rub his cheeks with it. No way could he smother in it, it's very thin and breathable, so I let him. I did finally take the pillow and big blankets out of the crib though - he kept moving away from them anyway, the more mobile he gets the less he stays on them enough to really need them. So now, bare sheet just like "they" say to do

I took him out shopping just now to get new clothes. He is outgrowing EVERYTHING. Most of what I bought was 9 months in size (wtf, baby, you're only 4 months old!) and one in 12 months because it came with a sweater he can wear later and I HAD TO HAVE IT cause it had monkeys. I am such a sucker It was this one: http://www.target.com/Newborn-Carters-Green-Monkey-Hoodie/dp/B003IWFH8W/ref=sc_qi_detailbutton

And here is my BPF contribution. Some of you may have seen it elsewhere but DH took it today at grandma's and it's just so cute. Ignore what he's wearing - you can tell his daddy dressed him today

 

[MonkeyPie]

Arg, my picture didn't attach last time. It's ok, I took an even better one since then.

 

[mtjoya]

All beautiful bebes as always! I love them! hehe!

Burk & Ally-Cute mamas!

This is my bebe Diva J preparing to punch me hehe!

 

[MrsAT]

I am posting about the CIO discussions and want to offer a different perspective to Mara that she and the other posters may or may not have considered... to begin i'll point to the story where the girl went into her car with the radio on so she wouldn't hear her baby crying. I ask this: if you think CIO is the right thing to do, then why can you not deal with the consequences? To me, to the poor infant who has no say in it, and has no voice on this forum, it seems utterly selfish. so... I'm the mom, i'm in control, i want what i want..and what i want is for the infant to be independent and be able to soothe himself. I want a good night's sleep. So i will just let my baby cry it out so they "learn" how to sleep on their own, so that i don't have to get up anymore to deal with him. Oh, boy, when i hear the baby cry, it hurts my heart and i can't stand it...but instead of realizing that this is a MATERNAL INSTINCT that a mother has to respond to the only way her baby can communicate, then responding to the cry by comforting the baby... instead i choose to be selfish again and remove myself from earshot of my babies cries...so that I can feel better about my selfish choice.
I'm not trying to offend anyone here, but maybe for once think about what your baby feels/needs, instead of your own feelings/needs. He wants his mommy. Why is that so annoying? Why do we resent our infants for disrupting our lives so much? Parenting is hard work. It DOES suck to not have sleep..it does suck sometimes that your life is not in your control..but honestly, these are our precious angels who have done NOTHING to deserve being ignored. Yeah, cry it out works eventually... if your goal is to get them to stop asking for your help to go to sleep comfortably..they do because they've lost the trust that you will answer their cries. That's how it works, Mara. They lose trust and give up and eventually stop crying. So yes, you get more sleep... at the expense of your baby's comfort. Like you, they are uncomfortable too when they are crying for an hour...but they are helpless... you are not, so what do you do? You choose to deal with your own discomfort by leaving the house. What do you do for your own baby's discomfort? Nothing... because they have to learn... That is just rude. Your baby is a real person with real feelings and real needs...why do we not RESPECT them? and then we wonder why our children have no respect for us as they grow older.
I could not and would not like my son cry. They are babies for such a short time and its my job to take care of their needs at this age when he DEPENDS on me for it. How can a 6 month old baby be expected to take care of themselves? Why must they soothe themselves? Why can't we, as their mother, just be okay with soothing them?
Go and pick up the baby, let them sleep next to you...you will both get sleep and you will develop a great bond with your baby that lasts a lifetime. They will trust you 100% and respect you because you respect them and treat them as a person. They are human beings, our own flesh and blood and yet we leave them alone in their "cages" to try, while we either stay in the car where we won't hear them... or we sleep snuggled up to our husbands..how convenient for us. I practice empathic/attachment parenting and its hard work but it pays off. I get angry, i get frustrated, too...but at the end of the day, his needs come first. I chose to have a baby and this is what a baby needs to develop trust and be intrinsically happy.
I am open to any questions that anyone has and i'm sorry if you do not agree with my, but i felt like i needed to share the other side of the coin...the baby's side of this dilemma. I hope some of it makes sense and resonates... i have info..articles, books that i will share if anyone is interested in hearing more info.
All the best to my fellow mommies...

 

[drk]

Don't want to jinx anything here at our place, but K is totally capable of self-soothing at 4.5 months. She has never really had a soother, nor has she ever really been swaddled. She slept cuddled in my arms or on my chest for the first 3 months, then we transitioned her to her crib when she started being more restless at night and sleeping on me didn't seem safe any more (she propelled herself off my chest a couple times). Now she goes in her crib for all naps and sleeps. Goes down drowsy but awake for the most part. Occasionally she'll get laid in there when she's all fussy and overtired, and nothing else we're doing seems to help. We know she's just recently fed and should have a dry diaper. Sometimes then we'll leave her to cry for 5 min, and next thing you know she'll be asleep. Every now and again we misjudge the sleepiness level and she really starts to scream in displeasure about being put down, and we just take her out again and try again a little later.

So Mara, I think J at his age is probably also able to self-soothe. K loves sucking on her fingers, and those are her biggest soothing mechanism these days. Plus she strokes her own head a little. She had her 4 mo shots this week, and what stopped her crying after? Daddy holding her to his chest and most especially her finding her fingers to suck on. Instant silence. I wouldn't feel guilty trying CIO at this stage.

 

[KimberlyH]

Lord love a duck, I didn't intend to encourage lurkers to come out and declare cio as the equivelent to bad parenting. MrsAT, I respect your right to parent as you see fit, and Mara's, in fact I actually agree with some of what you are saying as it applies to me and my family. But my guess is Mara is no more or less "attached" to her own kiddo because her parenting choices are different than yours (I hate this label, it has such a superiority complex attached to it). What works for one family doesn't work for every family and while some babies are ready and able to self-sooth at (insert arbitrary number here) months others are not, there is no one-size-fits-all because babies aren't all the same nor are the people tasked with raising them. Says the mom who doesn't let her baby cry, but has always reserved the right to change her mind/method if she sees what she is doing is detrimental to her baby and her family as a whole.

A good friend of mine, who has 4 fantastic kids, and I recently had a discussion about a choice I've made regarding how I do something with Jane; I said "I've become a mom who..." and she replied "No your a mom who does what works." It was a gift to have her say this.

Off to return my baby to her "cage" (which remains in my room because I'm too lazy to get out of bed and feed her at night and finish sewing curtains for her bedroom).

 

[taovandel]

Thanks again everyone for the congrats!


Evan is officially 9 months now!!

And he is suffering from a hooooorrrrrriiiibbbblllleeeee diaper rash! It's his first one ever and it is so hard to see your baby in pain.

He has been pooping A LOT also..which I guess attributed to the rash.

He has gone to three meals a day of baby food and 3 8 ounce bottles and 1 4-6 ounce bottle for about 2 weeks now. I'm assuming the pooping is from going to three meals a day instead of 1-2 like he used to get at 8 months. We have an appointment on the 5th so I'll definitely be talking to the Pedi...but wanted all of your advice first.


We caved in and told our parents! I bought a picture frame and put a picture of Evan in one side and a picture from Word with a stork and the date April 1, 2011 on it. I left it at my parents house and my dad called me later and was like, "Mom found something on the table....is it true?" haha. Why would I lie about that! Next up friends and co-workers and then the most important and favorite.....FACEBOOK.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Tao, how much poop is a lot? I'll be interested to hear your pedi's advice. Claire poops all the time, usually 2 to 6 times a day. When it's 5 or 6 times, they're usually smaller, but she can have 2 or 3 big ones in a single day. I can count on two hands the number of days she has skipped a poop.

OK, random single time poster advice . . . I don't think it's going to resonate much no matter what it is. It would be like a stranger just jumping in to lecture us during my playgroup (with all the weird things that have happened at my playgroup, I'm sure that's coming too!). We PS Mamas don't always agree with each other, but we are here to support and encourage and vent, and when somebody doesn't do any of those things but is just an advocate for some parenting philosophy, well . . . I for one just skimmed the first and last paragraphs of the post once I caught the drift (old habit from a career as a English teacher).

I guess it's good to remember that this site is public. I know I've shared a lot of personal information, and I'm friends IRL with many of the mamas here on the other site. But that's just a testament to how I feel that this is just as much of a friendship as the one I had with my penpal from Kuala Lumpur growing up. But it always takes me by surprise when somebody (even non-proselytizers) pops up and says, "Hi, I lurk on this thread all the time, and I'm just delurking to say . . ." I'm always like, what, people other than Mara and Viz and China and Tao and MP and Burk and Steph and Natalina and Mandarine and Sha and MTJoya (etc. etc.) actually read this??? It's a good reminder to maintain anonymity.


AFM, our best friends had their baby at 3:00 this morning!!!!! That's why I am up before 8 on a Saturday. They waited to find out, and they had a boy!!! (We were secretly hoping girl, but it's a joy either way!) She wanted a home birth, but the baby was breach so they had to try in the hospital, and she stopped progressing so it went to C/S. At least they were aware that was a strong possibility (actually had an appointment earlier but things seemed promising so they let her go a little longer). We're going to meet him in an hour or two.

I discovered on the other site that a friend of mine from high school lost her baby at a day old two weeks ago. I remember seeing the birth announcement on FB, but I didn't check back until yesterday. I cannot imagine the heartache. The baby got a blood infection, and from her updates (about how the baby could hopefully come home on a certain day), it sounds like it was a total surprise. There are just no words.

 

[taovandel]

By pooping a lot I mean he has gone from 2 normal poops a day (like clockwork actually) to as soon as he eats he poops....so like 5-6 a day. He has never skipped days pooping either.

BTW: I'm ignoring the argument that is probably about to begin from the random posts above.

 

[natalina]

I just have a second, but wanted to say:
Oh, MrsAT- where do I even begin? I don't have time to say everything I want to, but I will say I have to second KimberlyH and PG. It's unfortunate that you have chosen this moment to jump in, and have apparently missed all the (lengthy) discussions about CIO here. There have been MANY, and not one of us contemplating it has done so lightly or without consideration of our infants' feelings and what they go through.
As has been said, everyone has a right to their opinion, and I respect yours. I also realize Mara does not need any help defending herself ( ), but I felt personally motivated to respond to your post. I found so much of it offensive (to say that keeping your baby in a crib is like putting him/her in a cage-really?). But again, to each his own, I suppose.
Ugh- it's too early in the morning for this. I'm signing off.

 

[MrsAT]

I'm sorry to just drop in your playgroup like I did but I am a parent with struggles like yours..i often question & wonder what's the best thing to do... But it just sort of struck me when I read about the mom who went in the car to soothe herself but left the baby crying... I do wholeheartedly practice what I preach, I'm not just advocating it..& we do questionour theories, but I had a "moment" & didn't want to preach & I realize I did come off a little... Je ne sais quoi... But I was upset. I don't like others telling ME how to parent but Mara seemed uncomfortable with letting her baby cry & everyone seeemed to be encouraging her to "be consistent" etc... I echoed Mara's feelings when we tried to let us son cry & how horrible it made us feel...theres a reason why it's hard to do...it feels so unnatural..so I just wanted to share the other side, as no one else did. I NEVER said it was bad parenting though!! I wrote "alone in a cage" because quite honestly, that's what the baby is.

if my baby self-soothed at 4 months & slept in a crib, I'd LOVE it... I didn't say it was impossible..a lot of babies are like that..i said it shouldn't be "expected" of them..its great that a baby "rubs her own head" or sucks her fingers...but i'd bet she'd rather have her head stroked by her parent or suck on a breast..again, baby's perspective. I'm sorry more people didn't see my points as valid from our baby's point of view..i think it's easy to dismiss their needs because the crying surely gets on our nerves..believe me..the teething nights kill me..and I work part-time too.

again, sorry to just jump in...and please forgive me for my upset tone and realize my intentions are good... I side with babies... Not necessarily a parenting "style"... I'll back off.

 

[jcrow]

almost 4 months

MrsAT - thanks for sharing your perspective. i appreciate hearing different sides + angles.

--

as for us... ugh, em is going through sleep issues. no longer is she sleeping long stretches. the first stretch seems to be about 3 hours. then she wakes about every 2 hours and i feed her. one night she woke every 1 hour and 20 minutes. double ugh. i know she's gone through a lot of changes. move to her crib. move from swaddling to sleep sack. from mitts to no mitts. i sure hope she starts sleeping better. a couple of times last week she even woke around 3 am ready to play. so unlike her.

 

[MonkeyPie]

MrsAt, glad you have an opinion, but no one will respect it when you present it with the attitude of a ten year old stomping her foot.

Ignoring your baby because you want to sleep and letting your baby cry because she/he doesn't want you to leave the room are two entirely different things. The baby does not NEED you to stand next to the crib and rub her back, she just WANTS you to. She doesn't NEED you to bounce her in your arms, she just WANTS you to. Now if baby is hungry/wet/sick then CIO is just stupid. But if she simply WANTS attention when what she NEEDS even more is sleep, then CIO works. Period.

WANT and NEED are two different things. And unless you have baby telepathy, then you have no idea what he/she is thinking. Sorry to burst that bubble, but CIO has been happening for years without any baby growing up with trust issues because of it. In Mara's case, Julian is a very happy, healthy baby, whether she does CIO or not, and he certainly won't resent her in the morning or trust her less because she let him cry. Babies don't have the ability to think that way.

 

[KimberlyH]

I'm not sure why I feel the need to continue engaging in this conversation, but I'm compelled to do so. Perhaps because I could be labeled as someone who follows the Sears' philosophy, albeit unconsciously and I would never identify myself as such.

First, welcome, MrsAT, if you are opting to join us, and you're more then welcome to of course; I suggest you spend some time reading this thread and you'll find that the common theme that runs through it is that we do not always agree with one another but we do attempt to be respectful of the choices we each make as parents (i.e. not calling someone selfish for making a choice that we don’t agree with).

As I mentioned above, If an outsider were to ascribe a style of parenting to me they would likely think of Dr. Sears (I follow the 7 Bs but it was never intentional, I've never read a Sear's book or any parenting book for that matter it occurred by happenstance). These things are all instinctual for me, but not everyone is going to share my instincts, including my husband in some regards. Talking about these things in an open, friendly manner is most helpful to all involved. I've learned some things from the moms here, and by sharing our experiences I've reinforced in my own head that the choices I'm making as a parent are what I think is best for my child. You may have some wonderful things to share with everyone here, but your approach and choice of words is going to make a difference in how your thoughts and ideas are received.

Regarding the discussion about CIO, you stated no one here provided Mara with other options. If you do go back and read through some of this thread you'll find that I am not an advocate and have never opted to use the method with my baby (there are a few others who feel as I do); I also stated in a very recent post that I think there are other methods Mara could employ. I think it’s great that she is exploring her options and asking for opinions, she’s looking for a solution that she can be at peace with and is best for her son. It may not be what you or I, or anyone else on this board for that matter, would choose, but we don’t have to live with the choices she makes, no matter how big or small, she does. I would go so far as to say I believe we all “side with babies” we just don’t all have the same approach, that concept isn't exclusive to those who ascribe to Sears; as someone who has a lot of contact with children through my career and personal life I can assure you that there is more than one way to raise a child correctly. Acknowledging that has helped me immensely.

An aside, you state you'd love your baby to sleep in his cage, I mean crib, so I think you'll be interested to know I've managed to move my daughter from my bed to her crib without using the cry it out method. We're working on self-soothing now and I'm still not using CIO, because it's not right for me/us, but that doesn't make me less selfish than any of the other moms here, it just means I've found a different way of doing things works better for me.

 

[Mara]

re: CIO.. i realize it brings up the same strong feelings in people as the BF vs FF debate, but to each their own. It's hard to take anyone's POV seriously when they are a stranger who jumps in to say essentially ... 'well I don't mean to offend BUTTTTTT you are a selfish person if you put your kid in a cage to sleep so you can function the next day at your job which is required to help support your family--jeez why did you even bother having kids in the first place?' to me if someone doesn't plan to offend they don't use words like selfish and refer to a crib as a cage in the next sentence. but i understand that sometimes people strong opinions re: their method being the RIGHT WAY.

the other ladies already essentially said it all, but I also don't believe in co-sleeping or responding to your child's EVERY cry as working for us. nor do i believe that if you let your kid cry sometimes that they will grow up to resent and hate you and have a horrible relationship with you. if you had actually seen previous posts of mine (or anyone else's really), you would see that us moms often DO try to put ourselves into our kids position. i often think ... gee could he be hungry? how would i feel if i woke up and no one was around. but i also know that many times people tend to PROJECT their own feelings and emotions onto other people. just as you believe in attachment parenting (hate that phrase btw), i have read about and tend to believe that crying is simply the only way the babies know to communicate and it doesn't ALWAYS have to mean that the baby is in absolute extreme distress. if they could talk, it would be interesting to hear what they would say. but they can't so we have to guess as parents, and just simply do the best we can.

no one WANTS to hear or let their child cry, of course if people felt like there was another way that was foolproof and absolutely guaranteed to work, i am sure they'd do it. but in my 6mo as a parent, i find that i believe in FACT-BASED PARENTING. which is that every family and child and parent is different and that there's no one size fits all label you can throw at someone--you have to figure out what your child is like and what you are like as you go along.

anyway, that all said, i do struggle with CIO being right for us for many reasons and it IS amusing as Kim said because i am a believer in it and i have seen it work for lots of parents, but i don't know if it's right for US. but i am sure we'll figure it out, thankfully with the help of some wonderful moms on here who gladly and respectfully share their stories and POV's. welcome, MrsAT.

funnily enough--last nite J slept from 7:30pm to 5am with no crying, at 5am i binked him and gave him his blankie and he slept til 9am. so i got a beautiful night of sleep, thank you baby. maybe now you won't put me in that horrible nursing home when i am 75.

jcrow... em is coming up on 4mo right? she could be going into the 4mo wakeful where their little brains explode with crazy knowledge and they want to wake up at crazy hours like 1-3am to 'practice' their new skills. J did this for 2-3 weeks and it was painful with more constant wakeups but we just kept doing the same routine and stuck with our normal thing and eventually he got back on schedule. though it was around this time he started kind of 'requiring' the bink at night too. hang in there!

drk...J used to be better at self soothing at 4.5mo than he is right now which is kind of weird. and i feel like i have maybe contributed to creating that with going in to him all the time at night. so i am trying to get back to him realizing ... hey i can be a little independent (even though god forbid he's only 6mo!) and i don't always need mom around to help me out.

 

[drk]

Mara - now you've got me scared that K's not going to be this good forever! Glad you got a good night's sleep last night. It makes a big difference.

 

[somethingshiny]

Hello all!

I figured it was time I test the waters over here. Lily is 2.5 weeks old and I'm having a bit of an issue. (see page 1010 of the preggo thread for birth story if you want) The girl eats like a man! She wants 4 oz every 3 hrs! I make her beg for that last ounce and try to sway her attention with playing or with a paci but she screams until she gets it. I've tried making her wait for 4 hrs before her next feeding but there is nothing to console her for that hour. It's like she's starving. With JT, I gave him some cereal really early and it helped to keep him full through his growth spurts. I tried it with Lily and she didn't go any longer between feedings. She just ended up with 4oz of formula plus a tbsp of cereal in it. And the iron appears to be too much for her. Even just the formula is binding her up. So, any other big eaters and what did you do????

Also, CIO is killing me. It worked really great for JT but Lily can scream for 2 straight hours. And, then I get worked up because I have to keep checking her heart to make sure she doesn't go into SVT (heart condition that causes her heart to race) from getting riled. If I pick her up, she'll eventually fall asleep in my arms but I'm totally not comfortable co-sleeping and as soon as I put her down, she's awake again. I'm not sure if she's overly tired and can't calm down or what. I've tried a bath but that is not relaxing for her. I'm also wondering if the formula is not settling well with her. She's not spitty but she is having a problem pooping. Maybe she's not metabolizing it well and that's why she wants to be held??

Since we have such a regimented schedule with meds for her, I can't let her make her own schedule for eating or sleeping. She has to get her meds at the exact time 4x a day.

Because Lily's needs are so different from JT's, I feel like a new mom all over again...

Thanks for any advice.

 

[Mara]

hi SS...welcome!!! Lily is soo cute!

Wow it is kinda crazy she wants the equivalent of 32oz in 24 hours... that is more than what J drinks and he's 6mo!! And even at his max for just liquid no solids he only drank like 28oz total at 4.5-5mo. Is she gaining weight well? What does your pedi think?

re: the CIO-- sometimes I just had to let him cry so I could get something done around the house or eat or shower, when it was just me around the house all day long, or I just could not fathom rocking him for one more nap, but once he started getting his personality, he could be tenacious. 2.5weeks might be a little early to do CIO and have it be effective at all since she prob just wants to be soothed, esp with the worries about her heartbeat not wanting to get too high. Is she taking a paci or other method of soothing? Do you guys have a swing? When J just wanted to be held but I didn't want him too used to arms we'd sleep him in the swing, he loved it (and hated it sometimes). Or what about the bouncer? Ours vibrated and he slept like a dream in it for the first 1-2 weeks. Baths also did not relax J much for the first 2-3 months, only now is he kind of into the routine and recognizes what it means.

Do you have a white noise machine? That saved us early on big time and J still likes to sleep with it on. I got the sleep sheep on the go which is portable (great to take with you to restaurants) and then the baby crack machine Homedics brand that Fiery recommended for nighttimes. Anyway hang in there, you are doing great, it must be so hard esp with having to give her meds and monitor her all the time.

drk... If K is doing great at self-soothing you may not need to worry! J was starting to get good at it (and SOMETIMES he still can be, I feel like it's when he *wants* to be)...but then when we deswaddled he was waking up more and I ended up going into his room a lot more and I feel like he got used to me walking in and binking him and it's like he needs that to fall back asleep rather than just waking up, rolling over and falling back. Last nite though he traveled all over the crib without crying though so I imagine he did a partial wake to move around and/or roll but did not fuss. That is ideal and what I wish he'd do ALL the time!

 

[gingerB]

hi ss! welcome!! i have to check out your birth story -- hope you posted pics of your cuddly newborn!!

in reading your post i had to double check your baby's age...2.5 weeks? born 7/14? have you talked to your pedi about the cio and the eating?

Personally, and based on the books etc... and discussions with ppl (both in favor of and against CIO) -- genearlly think 2.5 weeks is too early to be CIO. what are you using CIO for exactly? if you post more details maybe we can come up with other suggestions that would not neccesitate using CIO in a baby that young. have you checked out happiest baby on the block? that was def a HUMONGOUS help for us in relaxing our LO in the early weeks. esp the five S's

as for eating...i've always had a big eater...my chunky monkey! i used to worry about it a lot and researched endlessly on the topic. i ended up deciding he'll eat what he nees to eat to grow and every baby is different. we would try to slow him down (i'm an exclusive pumper and fed him pretty much 100% BM from a bottle from about 2 weeks and on -- just to give you what perspective i'm coming from) by using preemie nipples that have a smaller opening, frequent burp breaks, offering a paci etc... it worked to a degree, but if they're hungry, they're hungry! so i just fed him on demand using a relaxed EAS schedule to his satisfaction, using the above techinques to try to make sure i'm not over feeding him (misreading comfort, cuddles, gas, reflux, suckling need as hunger). have you checked with your pedi re: adding rice into her diet this early? i never did it, and i know some moms do, but I can't remember how early the suggestion was for it to be ok to start. just thinking about the porous gut lining etc.. in newborns.

hope something i posted helped...i def remeber my early on panic when it seemed my little milk monster was guzzling more that he could possibly hold in that tiny little body. it helped me mentally to use the above techniques because then i felt like it helped eliminate the what if factor, y'know? did it REALLY decrease the amount of milk -- not really i don't think. but it made me more comfortable that the amount he was eating was really the amount he needed and it wasn't just us misreading the cues.

 

[natalina]

Hi Shiny!!! Welcome (back) to the newborn thread!!! Congrats on Lily's birth! Your story had me teary-eyed, and I'm so happy she's home now! Ellie was a big eater from Day 1. I BF'd her exclusively, so no experience with formula (well, actually once but she threw it up all over me ) but I was pumping for a bit because I was really raw from BF'ing at the beginning, so I know exactly how much she was eating. She would typically eat 4oz every 3 hours, and sometimes even a bit more (5oz a couple times ). The doc said give her as much as she wants- as long as SHE is the one leading (ie.not a parent trying to get the baby to eat extra), then it's fine. Ellie has always been right at 50th percentile for weight or even a bit under. She's at 40th percentile now at almost 10 months, so she didn't endy up a little butterball as we had thought she might !
As for the tough time pooing, have you asked the pedi? There are a lot of moms here that had to switch up formulas before they found one that worked well for their baby, so hopefully they will chime in with their experience.
As for the CIO, I really think Lily is too little for that now. I don't think it's recommended to even try to start CIO until 4 months, maybe? Something like that. It would especially make me nervous to try that with Lily now because of her heart issues- I would think it would be better to try to avoid her getting too worked up. But I am CERTAINLY not a doctor and am really just guessing about that! I know the biggest thing that helped get Ellie to sleep well when she was that little was a nap schedule (and still is, actually). I had to get her to nap BEFORE she seemed tired, or it was too late. Basically 1.5-2hours after waking up, I would put her back down and continue that through the day. It REALLY helped! And I will admit, I rocked and held her for A LOT of those naps when she was so little- she slept longer that way and dang it, I just liked it . NOt sure how that would work for you since you have another little one to take care of, though.
****Hugs to you**** I really hope you and Lily can figure these issues out so she can have happier days & nights .

 

[mtjoya]

Tao- Oh really??!!?!?!?!? CONGRATS! How are u feeling? That's so awesome! R u guys hoping for a bebe girl? hehe!

 

[somethingshiny]

Thank you all for your quick advice!

Mara~ Yeah, 32 oz is so much. JT topped out at around 26 oz and he was a bigger baby. The CIO has come about because I do have another child and have to be able to put her down. She has a paci and she likes it but can't quite keep hold of it yet. The bouncer is a no-go for sleeping, she just likes to be in it cor 30 min or so. We've only tried the swing once. I will try to get her more used to the swing or bouncer. JT slept a lot in the bouncer and loved his swing as an infant so it was really surprising that Lily really doesn't care for either. The only white noise we have is a fan. During the day (she sleeps better) and I bring her bassinet in the living room and she deals with all the noise of the house pretty well.

ginger~ The CIO is a bit out of necessity during the daytime when I have to get things done and because I'm trying to get some sleep at night. (DH works 2nd shift and doesn't get home until 4am so I'm basically on my own all night). Anyway, I make sure everything is fine with her and lay her down sleepy but not asleep (or try to). Then every 5 minutes or so I pat her or stroke her hair and talk/sing to soothe her and then walk away again. Then when it gets to 20-30 minutes I do pick her up and rock her before putting her back down. I've tried putting her down only when she's asleep which has a bit better results but I can't always get her to sleep in my arms. This isn't a problem EVERY day. She's had a couple really good days that I can't seem to duplicate. She usually starts getting worked up in the evening hours. I do use the level 1 nipples, lots of burping and the paci too. She's definitely hungry. She's gaining well and is healthy so maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on the amount.

natalina~ We definitely have a schedule and she sticks to it fairly well during the day. In the evening is when she starts fussing a ton.

As far as talking to the ped: we have a GP. He told me to make her beg for that last ounce of formula and is fine with a little cereal in a bottle (especially for bigger babies). I haven't talked to him about CIO (or my version anyway). I plan on calling him on Monday to get more suggestions, but I feel like I'm at my wits end today.

More suggestions are welcome!!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Hi SS-As you know, I am not a mom yet, but as a nanny and from watching my friend's with fussy, colicy, and/or high needs infants, it seems a lot of people have success with baby wearing. Your hands would be free and you could play with JT or get stuff done around the house while Lily sleeps/hangs out. Also, it might help with her heart situation. Kangaroo care/chest to chest can be amazing in its help with respiratory and cardiac issues, somehow the baby responds to the mom's regular pulse and breathing...

So, maybe a moby, baby k'tan, or sleepy wrap would be a good investment...if you have a friend with one you could try it first...

Congrats again on baby Lily's arrival!!!!