Push presents - your thoughts and experiences?

[missy]

I had never heard of push presents until PS either, but I *had* heard of women getting gifts of jewelry to commemorate the birth of a child.

I think we need to celebrate the hell out of every good thing that happens in life, because it is short and fleeting and we never know how much longer we'll have, so I love the idea of push presents. They're like one more infusion of sugar into the recipe--it may not be necessary, but it sure does make everything a little bit sweeter, so if you have the sugar to spare, why not?

I totally agree with this. Life is hard and it goes by so fast and we do need to celebrate all the good things that happen and who says you have to spend a lot? Spend what you want to and can afford. The sweetest gifts are often the least expensive but the most thoughtful.

Just musing here, but the negative reactions could be an unconscious reaction to the "class" ness of if. I know, I'd never heard of such things until this site, although, I HAVE read about the upper crust of different eras - royalty, nobility, etc, giving such things. But the common folk? Never. And for the people for whom something like that is out of reach financially, it could just be another manufactured "expectation" that they can't meet. Can make people cranky.

Again, just musing.

Yes, I can understand this. No one should "expect" a gift and this world does tend to get very materialistic and the less you have the more stressful it can be when people "expect" these things. I do believe thoughtfulness is the most important quality when it comes to things like this and when someone puts thought into a gift it need not be costly at all. Just knowing you were thought of and appreciated is the thing.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I never got a darn thing, and frankly I am still mad about it! Just kidding, but boy did I deserve it after 1 induced birth and
4 c-sections. Can I hear an amen?

I do think DH has endeavored to make up for it the last few years with a lovely 5 stone ring and two (one upgraded) e-rings.
I do like the thought.

When strangers comment on my e-ring, I always tell them that it is my years of service award. Who needs a gold watch?

 

[dogmama]

I'm normally a lurker, but I had to post on this one. I don't think it makes anyone materialistic if the purpose of the gift (whatever it may be is given in sincere celebration! We celebrate so many things in life: birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc. Why wouldn't it be appropriate to celebrate a new life? I'm truly surprised about all the negative connotations that the idea seems to be getting.

Out of the clear blue, my sentimental husband suggested that we use our old Leon Mege setting with a colored stone if we ever do have a kid to commemorate the event. I was really touched, especially since a "push present" isn't something he knew about! So I can attest that its something that even men think about.

 

[Amys Bling]

So I reread my response and realize that now I appear ungrateful for gifts my husband gives me, and that there is an expectation fo a push present.
Here's the thing: my husband didn't grow up in a traditional household, particularly when it came to gift giving, and the idea of giving a gift for really any reason other than Christmas or a birthday escapes him. And even on those occasions with a specific list of items for ideas....well, he manages to screw that up. And he doesnt really wrap presents...isn't the plastic bag that it came in from the store good enough? I would guess that DH did not see his dad give his mom one gift growing up, and I think part of "gifting" is a learned or cultural behavior.
I grew up in a household where my dad gave my mom nice jewelry for holidays, a coach purse for mother's day, and he would leave trinkets by our bedside and we would wake up to surprise gifts as a child for no particular reason. And presents were usually elaborately wrapped...my grandmother is the queen of bow making and will put a bow on just about anything.

Also, his family was quite poor, while I grew up quite comfortably. And now even though he has made such a different life from where he came from, he still sees a lot of things (like jewelry) as a totally useless luxury (funny how his big screen TVs are necessary, tho... )
I mean, even when we got engaged, he used his grandmothers ring, and while I love the sentimental reasons, he didn't fool me, I know it was bc it was practical (and free) that he gave it to me, even if he could have afforded something else.

So yes, if I ever want something as a "surprise" from my DH, I have to very specifically spell it out. My family is very sentimental, where as they just are very, umm, practical? I would love a gift to pass on to my daughter, to have for sentimental reasons, and it just doesn't even enter his brain as an occasion to mark with anything in particular without my suggesting.

First of all- I don't think you sounded rude or ungrateful. And I do agree with you that giftgiving is something where your environment shapes your view. I think having discussions in general about each others views and expectations is important.

 

[Pandora II]

My father always bought my mother a piece of silver for the birth of each of their four children so it was never something I thought of as strange or even as modern... my grandfather bought jewellery for my grandmother for each of their children too. Maybe it's more common in the UK?

I bought my own 'push present' - a 3 stone RHR set with around 2cttw of OECs. My husband and I saw it at an antiques fair, fell in love with it and bought it 20 minutes later - for someone that doesn't care for diamonds and who takes a million years to pull the trigger on any piece of jewellery it must have been calling my name!

It also marked the end of a legal case with my employer that began because of my pregnancy. I'd spent the final 6 months of being pregnant and the first 6 months of my daughter's life fighting it and doing nearly all the legal work myself to save costs so I deserved to spend some of my settlement on some bling. Add to that a 3 day labour, 5 blood transfusions, 2 days in ICU and very nearly dying and it is a very special piece to me.

MissStepcut - I have the Stokke stroller and it was well worth every penny (I did get a great bargain online plus a free carseat so it didn't work out any more expensive then any of the other big brands and if I sell it, I'll probably get a lot of my money back as well). I live in central London and we don't have a car so a great urban stroller was a MUST for me. Everyone else I meet who has one loves theirs as well. I know the head rep in the UK and I used to fill him in on the bits that could be improved - the new model is not only gorgeous to look at but has all the improvements as well. Daisy is now nearly 2 and a half and I still use it most of the time, it's fantastic on public transport and should last till she's about 4 - I hope you enjoy using it as much as I do!

 

[rosetta]

luv2sparkle- AMEN!

Pandora- you certainly deserve that push present 100%!

If I ever get up the duff, he had better get me something truly amazing, no matter what we are calling it these days! If he had to carry a child for 9 months, then push it out of his whatsit, then I would certainly thank him with the most wonderful, dream present we could possibly afford.

 

[Laila619]

just an excuse to get more jewelry.

LOL. I agree.

I don't mind if someone wants more jewelry, but I think using the new baby is just an excuse. Buy yourself whatever you want, just because.

In my mind, I'm only 50 % of the equation. My husband should get a 'reward' too then since he had a role in bringing the new baby into this world. I think push presents are kind of silly. My husband wanted to get me something but I told him not to. If anything, he deserved a gift for patiently putting up with all my mood swings during pregnancy! I happily carried a baby for 9 months; it wasn't awful or difficult and I don't feel like I need to be rewarded for it since I willingly did it (and hope to again!).

 

[jstarfireb]

luv2sparkle- AMEN!

Pandora- you certainly deserve that push present 100%!

If I ever get up the duff, he had better get me something truly amazing, no matter what we are calling it these days! If he had to carry a child for 9 months, then push it out of his whatsit, then I would certainly thank him with the most wonderful, dream present we could possibly afford.

+1!!! That's exactly how I feel, and there's nothing wrong with expecting a gift in certain situations. Like getting married...most if not all of us married ladies here on PS have engagement and/or wedding rings. There's an expectation of a gift in that situation, and it doesn't make you selfish or ungrateful. Why not commemorate the completion of pregnancy and the birth of your child with a really special gift? Also, the posts saying that women are culturally expected to become completely self-sacrificing when they have children really resonated with me. That society deems it OK to get something expensive if it's for the baby but not for yourself...what's the deal with that?!? This is actually one of the many reasons why I'm not planning on having kids...the judgment that you're a bad mother if you put yourself first. And for those who say a baby is gift enough, the gift of a baby comes with a lot of trials and hardships, so it's nice to have a tangible sign of your partner's appreciation for what you're going through and what you went through.

I don't love the term "push present," though. What about the people who have C-sections? Do they call it a "cut present?" And it's not only the labor that's the hard part, but the 9 months before and 18+ years after.

 

[iluvcarats]

I didn't get a push present. We didn't have any money. He was a resident at the time, and even though he was in the hospital, he barely made it to the births. I think it is nice to commemorate special occasions with a nice piece of jewelry.

 

[Dancing Fire]

just an excuse to get more jewelry.

LOL. I agree.

I don't mind if someone wants more jewelry, but I think using the new baby is just an excuse. Buy yourself whatever you want, just because.

In my mind, I'm only 50 % of the equation. My husband should get a 'reward' too then since he had a role in bringing the new baby into this world. I think push presents are kind of silly. My husband wanted to get me something but I told him not to. If anything, he deserved a gift for patiently putting up with all my mood swings during pregnancy! I happily carried a baby for 9 months; it wasn't awful or difficult and I don't feel like I need to be rewarded for it since I willingly did it (and hope to again!).

it is call "bull's eye" present...

 

[AmeliaG]

Now that i think of it, the idea of push presents reminds me of the Dear Abby letter where the guy thanked the girl for sex. She was like, 'How do I respond? I liked it too; I wasn't just doing it for him.' That column cracked me up.

It makes it sound like the only reason a woman would ever have a baby is just to make her husband happy so if she's going to go through all that trouble, she'd better get a big present. When the reality more often is you're glad he appreciates the baby but you kinda like the baby too - its not just about him. So the idea of a present from him to you sounds not unwelcome but a little bit strange.

 

[iluvcarats]

Now that i think of it, the idea of push presents reminds me of the Dear Abby letter where the guy thanked the girl for sex. She was like, 'How do I respond? I liked it too; I wasn't just doing it for him.' That column cracked me up.

It makes it sound like the only reason a woman would ever have a baby is just to make her husband happy so if she's going to go through all that trouble, she'd better get a big present. When the reality more often is you're glad he appreciates the baby but you kinda like the baby too - its not just about him. So the idea of a present from him to you sounds not unwelcome but a little bit strange.

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

 

[vc10um]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

This is how I feel, too. It seems like the majority of women here who have received these gifts intend to pass them on to either the child whom they commemorate, or to that child's child, on another special occasion. The chance to create an heirloom is something special, and I hope I am lucky enough to be able to do so someday!

 

[VRBeauty]

Now that i think of it, the idea of push presents reminds me of the Dear Abby letter where the guy thanked the girl for sex. She was like, 'How do I respond? I liked it too; I wasn't just doing it for him.' That column cracked me up.

It makes it sound like the only reason a woman would ever have a baby is just to make her husband happy so if she's going to go through all that trouble, she'd better get a big present. When the reality more often is you're glad he appreciates the baby but you kinda like the baby too - its not just about him. So the idea of a present from him to you sounds not unwelcome but a little bit strange.

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

When my younger brother was born, my mother asked for a blender so she could make baby food. My family didn't have a lot of money at the time and that was a big deal. (for my older brother and me, the big deal was that my father made our lunches for a few days - candy bars or twinkies instead of apples!)

I wonder if my mother passed that blender down to my brother?

 

[iugurl]

I am not a mother. I have never heard of push presents until PS. I don't really "get" them... In my world, most people don't have a whole lot of extra $ when they begin to have kids. (People around here often get married quite young and have kids RIGHT away)

Therefore, I feel as though it would be a financially unwise decision to purchase an expensive present right after giving birth. Purchasing all the stuff for a kid, taking time off of work, hospital bills can add up, so why add the stress of trying to purchase a present during all of this?

For some people, money is no object and a present wouldn't add stress, so I don't think anything bad about it.

The only thing I don't like is the attitude that a few people have (not here, other forums) that moms DESERVE a wonderful, expensive present. That after birth their husbands OWE them, because they gave them a baby. I just don't like that attitude. It is definitely not because I think "moms should give up everything once they have kids" or whatever.

 

[iugurl]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Is it by definition something that is passed on to the child? Or do some people decide to pass it along?

So if you have a boy, and receive earrings/bracelet/necklace how is that a present that he would enjoy? Besides giving it to his future wife, but who knows if he will ever have a wife. Plus that isn't a present to HIM but to his wife...

 

[SC86]

I like the idea of a present to celebrate the birth/adoption/arrival of a child. The occasion would obviously be special with or without a present, but I don't think any new parent would put extra "financial strain" on themselves if they couldn't afford it so I really don't think that is an issue. I'm surprised there are a number of objections. Don't people usually use various life events as an opportunity to give/receive gifts anyway!? Baby showers, bridal showers, engagement parties.....?

 

[MissStepcut]

Now that i think of it, the idea of push presents reminds me of the Dear Abby letter where the guy thanked the girl for sex. She was like, 'How do I respond? I liked it too; I wasn't just doing it for him.' That column cracked me up.

It makes it sound like the only reason a woman would ever have a baby is just to make her husband happy so if she's going to go through all that trouble, she'd better get a big present. When the reality more often is you're glad he appreciates the baby but you kinda like the baby too - its not just about him. So the idea of a present from him to you sounds not unwelcome but a little bit strange.

If both parents want children equally, its hard to deny mothers make the bigger investment and sacrifice in the endeavor. Unlike sex.

 

[Tuckins1]

DH brought it up and found a stunning stone for me (Even though I didn't push, more like let them slice me open)

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I like the idea of a present to celebrate the birth/adoption/arrival of a child. The occasion would obviously be special with or without a present, but I don't think any new parent would put extra "financial strain" on themselves if they couldn't afford it so I really don't think that is an issue. I'm surprised there are a number of objections. Don't people usually use various life events as an opportunity to give/receive gifts anyway!? Baby showers, bridal showers, engagement parties.....?

Thanks for including an adopted child! I guess technically a gift to celebrate an adoption wouldn't be a push present, but like you said, a way to celebrate. My husband surprised me with a lovely watch to celebrate both the adoption AND the birth of our children. It was a total surprise and one that I never would've imagined. My children's names and birthdays are engraved on the back and will one day be handed down to my daughter. I gave my husband a ring (plain wedding band) with our children's names and birthstones inside and he will one day hand it down to our son. Neither of us thought of them as "push" presents, since obviously I didn't push with the adopted child and I had a very easy pregnancy, labor, and delivery for the child by birth. It's nice to commemorate our children in some way.

 

[KaeKae]

My kids are too old for the term, but Mother's Day weekend, 16 years ago, I was pregnant with DD1, when DH turned around on the highway we were driving, and stopped in the same jewelry store we had bought our wrings. He says, "I thought you'd like to pick out your first Mother's Day gift." Whooo Hoo! You bet. I had a very hard time finding what I wanted. until I stopped at the consignment case and spotted a bezel set three stone ring, with a very pretty purple/blue stone. That's how I wound up with my tanzanite ring.

He didn't do that when I was pregnant with DD2, but that Mother's Day, he and DD1 gave me the child charm for her birthstone, then the baby have me the charm for her birthstone for Christmas. (They were very popular 10-15 years ago.) I also got a lovely gold bangle bracelet, so I think of that as my DD2 baby gift.

 

[Lew Lew]

I guess I'm one of the few who had heard about "push presents" prior to finding Pricescope. I read an article in a magazine, but I can't recall which (it was many years ago). My understanding as to why it is offensive to some is that it originally was intended as a reward/bribe for a woman so that she would have a v-birth rather than having a C-section.

If you want to have a present as commemorative item of your child's birth, I think the term "mother's ring" would be much better.

 

[Circe]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Is it by definition something that is passed on to the child? Or do some people decide to pass it along?

So if you have a boy, and receive earrings/bracelet/necklace how is that a present that he would enjoy? Besides giving it to his future wife, but who knows if he will ever have a wife. Plus that isn't a present to HIM but to his wife...

I think that's where the broad definition of "family heirloom" comes in - going to your new daughter-in-law, your granddaughter, what have you, has significance too, doesn't it?

 

[Laila619]

And for those who say a baby is gift enough, the gift of a baby comes with a lot of trials and hardships, so it's nice to have a tangible sign of your partner's appreciation for what you're going through and what you went through.

Ahh, see I think that's why I don't get the concept...because I don't think I went through anything difficult or tough by carrying and delivering a baby. Maybe if I did, then I'd feel the need for some sort of gift as a reward. I bet that is a factor in whether people expect a push present.

 

[iluvcarats]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Is it by definition something that is passed on to the child? Or do some people decide to pass it along?

So if you have a boy, and receive earrings/bracelet/necklace how is that a present that he would enjoy? Besides giving it to his future wife, but who knows if he will ever have a wife. Plus that isn't a present to HIM but to his wife...

I think that's where the broad definition of "family heirloom" comes in - going to your new daughter-in-law, your granddaughter, what have you, has significance too, doesn't it?

Exactly. And I would like to think that it would be special and meaningful for my son to give it to the girl he loves. And I hope that his future wife will hold it as dearly as I hold the things that my mother in law has given me. But most of the treasures she has given me aren't things at all.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I guess I'm one of the few who had heard about "push presents" prior to finding Pricescope. I read an article in a magazine, but I can't recall which (it was many years ago). My understanding as to why it is offensive to some is that it originally was intended as a reward/bribe for a woman so that she would have a v-birth rather than having a C-section.

If you want to have a present as commemorative item of your child's birth, I think the term "mother's ring" would be much better.

a father's ring sound much better to me...

 

[Autumnovember]

luv2sparkle- AMEN!

Pandora- you certainly deserve that push present 100%!

If I ever get up the duff, he had better get me something truly amazing, no matter what we are calling it these days! If he had to carry a child for 9 months, then push it out of his whatsit, then I would certainly thank him with the most wonderful, dream present we could possibly afford.

+1!!! That's exactly how I feel, and there's nothing wrong with expecting a gift in certain situations. Like getting married...most if not all of us married ladies here on PS have engagement and/or wedding rings. There's an expectation of a gift in that situation, and it .

Oh, I can't agree on that one. I think having wedding rings or e-rings, even PLAIN bands has been around much longer...

 

[Autumnovember]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Is it by definition something that is passed on to the child? Or do some people decide to pass it along?

So if you have a boy, and receive earrings/bracelet/necklace how is that a present that he would enjoy? Besides giving it to his future wife, but who knows if he will ever have a wife. Plus that isn't a present to HIM but to his wife...

I think that's where the broad definition of "family heirloom" comes in - going to your new daughter-in-law, your granddaughter, what have you, has significance too, doesn't it?

Exactly. And I would like to think that it would be special and meaningful for my son to give it to the girl he loves. And I hope that his future wife will hold it as dearly as I hold the things that my mother in law has given me. But most of the treasures she has given me aren't things at all.

Well, hopefully they don't divorce then....

 

[iluvcarats]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Is it by definition something that is passed on to the child? Or do some people decide to pass it along?

So if you have a boy, and receive earrings/bracelet/necklace how is that a present that he would enjoy? Besides giving it to his future wife, but who knows if he will ever have a wife. Plus that isn't a present to HIM but to his wife...

I think that's where the broad definition of "family heirloom" comes in - going to your new daughter-in-law, your granddaughter, what have you, has significance too, doesn't it?

Exactly. And I would like to think that it would be special and meaningful for my son to give it to the girl he loves. And I hope that his future wife will hold it as dearly as I hold the things that my mother in law has given me. But most of the treasures she has given me aren't things at all.

Well, hopefully they don't divorce then....

Well I guess I really don't have to worry about it since if you read further up the page, you'll find that I never got a "push present".

 

[AmeliaG]

Now that i think of it, the idea of push presents reminds me of the Dear Abby letter where the guy thanked the girl for sex. She was like, 'How do I respond? I liked it too; I wasn't just doing it for him.' That column cracked me up.

It makes it sound like the only reason a woman would ever have a baby is just to make her husband happy so if she's going to go through all that trouble, she'd better get a big present. When the reality more often is you're glad he appreciates the baby but you kinda like the baby too - its not just about him. So the idea of a present from him to you sounds not unwelcome but a little bit strange.

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Now I understand - just more used to seeing it as a gift to the child. My sisters and I got a pearl a year necklace and we were given the full 16 inch necklace on our 21st birthdays; my brother got gold cuff links which he got on his 21st. These pieces have HUGE sentimental value. Of course, we're getting other heirlooms but these were especially meant for us.