Push presents - your thoughts and experiences?

[Circe]

Sorry Circe, I know you like these socially thought-provoking discussions and was contributing as the same.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I applaud you for getting whatever your heart desires - whenever you desire it.

No need to apologize! I totally started the thread in that vein, and I'm loving the different opinions I'm hearing. I very much appreciate your contributions - the sociological and the above alike, as well as the congratulations.

I've just been reading a lot of these kinds of culture-of-motherhood articles recently (c-section vs. natural! benefits of b-fing! working moms vs. SAHMs! and, of course, push presents and mommy culture in general ....) and got sort of curious about what the PS stance would be. We're more bling-friendly than the typical crowd, but also unusually well-educated, civil, and opinionated for a chat community. Figured it would be illuminating no matter how it went ....

 

[Laila619]

Circe, I was so, so happy to read that you are expecting again! November is right around the corner. All the best to you!

 

[iugurl]

I agree with Miss Stepcut that even when both parents want a child equally, the work of childrearing is still shouldered more by the mother, and the effect on her career is often much greater than the effect on his. Not to mention the pregnancy and labor aspect of things.

That may happen more frequently than not, but it is not the rule! I know several SAHDs who do FAR more of the childrearing than the mother does. Granted, I do agree those situations are not the norm.

I think part of the problem of inequality and imbalance in the home, is not helped by such statements.

I'm not saying that's the way it SHOULD be, just that's the way it is. I don't see how talking about it as a problem contributes to or doesn't help inequality or imbalance in the home. In fact I think it's just the opposite...we need to acknowledge inequality so we can fight against it.

I don't have a problem with talking about or acknowledging inequality. However making sweeping generalizations that Imply all women raise the child more so than men and that is just the way it is, is untrue. Your statement did not say in many cases, but rather the work is shouldered more by the woman. Period. As if this is true in every single case.

 

[Laila619]

It's so strange to me that people have an issue with the idea of a gift celebrating the birth of a child, but not a gift for the mother's birthday or for the anniversary of the couple. I have no kids, but if I do, I'm positive the birth of a child will be more momentous than the day my mom gave birth to me, and probably the day of my wedding, too.

I like the idea of it being a gift to celebrate a baby and to commemorate becoming parents. That's really nice. The husband and wife could each buy each other a gift to celebrate parenthood and a new generation being born. I think a traditional push present ignores the dad's contribution.

 

[Dancing Fire]

It's so strange to me that people have an issue with the idea of a gift celebrating the birth of a child, but not a gift for the mother's birthday or for the anniversary of the couple. I have no kids, but if I do, I'm positive the birth of a child will be more momentous than the day my mom gave birth to me, and probably the day of my wedding, too.

I like the idea of it being a gift to celebrate a baby and to commemorate becoming parents. That's really nice. The husband and wife could each buy each other a gift to celebrate parenthood and a new generation being born. I think a traditional push present ignores the dad's contribution.

yeah, i probably changed more diapers than most women on PS...

 

[iheartscience]

It's so strange to me that people have an issue with the idea of a gift celebrating the birth of a child, but not a gift for the mother's birthday or for the anniversary of the couple. I have no kids, but if I do, I'm positive the birth of a child will be more momentous than the day my mom gave birth to me, and probably the day of my wedding, too.

I like the idea of it being a gift to celebrate a baby and to commemorate becoming parents. That's really nice. The husband and wife could each buy each other a gift to celebrate parenthood and a new generation being born. I think a traditional push present ignores the dad's contribution.

Ha, I don't know, I guess I just don't think the dad's contribution to the birth is that much work.

 

[MissStepcut]

It's so strange to me that people have an issue with the idea of a gift celebrating the birth of a child, but not a gift for the mother's birthday or for the anniversary of the couple. I have no kids, but if I do, I'm positive the birth of a child will be more momentous than the day my mom gave birth to me, and probably the day of my wedding, too.

I like the idea of it being a gift to celebrate a baby and to commemorate becoming parents. That's really nice. The husband and wife could each buy each other a gift to celebrate parenthood and a new generation being born. I think a traditional push present ignores the dad's contribution.

I think a push present's unilateral nature simply acknowledges that the pregnancy and labor process is more of a burden on women than men.

 

[AmeliaG]

Sorry Circe, I know you like these socially thought-provoking discussions and was contributing as the same.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I applaud you for getting whatever your heart desires - whenever you desire it.

No need to apologize! I totally started the thread in that vein, and I'm loving the different opinions I'm hearing. I very much appreciate your contributions - the sociological and the above alike, as well as the congratulations.

This is a fun thread - maybe because, like thing2of2, I don't have any dog in this fight. I really didn't have an opinion of push presents before I read all the comments here so in that sense, it really has been enlightening.

The reasons you heard for the backlash against push presents sound weird to me. I'm a little bit skeptical of this male backlash of claiming being victimized by women - its hard to convince me that any particular group is really hard done unless I see some really compelling evidence but I'm pretty horrified at the idea that the only natural role for a mother should be self-sacrificing and not expecting anything from her mate so I'm right with you there. Who wants to be the Virgin Mary for Pete's sake?

I'm a Southern woman so yeah, I've got a lot of conflicting beliefs about gender roles. Oddly enough, I don't have a problem with engagement rings. I'm fine with the original meaning behind it - its a universally recognized symbol of a guy's intentions to marry and I'm even fine with the fact that he has to fork over considerable cash to do it and that most people think they can tell how much cash he spent by the size of the diamond. I'm a firm believer in the saying 'Put your money where your mouth is' and if it hurts a little (not a lot) well then it does a good job of showing intention. Yeah the girl doesn't have to do it but most of the times when one of the couple is dragging their feet, its the guy so I think ladies can be forgiven for being suspicious after hearing just words after awhile so if he's the one dragging his feet, his show of intention needs to show he's serious.

Can you tell that one of my old Southern beliefs - that a real man needs to know what he wants and goes out and gets it - is not dying very easily despite my total belief in gender equality? And yeah, I can admit I excuse indecisiveness in women a lot more than I do with men. Its kinda making my current relationship interesting.

 

[Mara]

I want to get I guess what would be termed a PP, but it's really a memento to mark the birth of my son, and at some point I want to pass it down to him for his mate. I've just been really lazy about doing the legwork for it.

I skimmed all 4 pages. After a particularly long day today with a feverish, clingy kiddo where I was pretty much the only thing that could keep him from crying.. almost every Mom I know has a little bit more 'sacrifice' going on in their lives than most Dads. And it has nothing to do with changing diapers, that's the EASY PART.

And yes there is the sometimes SAHD vs the SAHM--so it's not always the case, but there are many times per day that I think of all the little changes I have made in my life since my son has come along. Definitely way more little life accommodations than my husband--and he is a great Dad. But I'm Mom and it seems like there's just something extra that comes along with that, whether you want it to or not. So, nothing wrong with feeling like you need a little appreciation sometimes. It doesn't have to come in the form of a gift or jewelry but there ain't nothing wrong if it does.

I think the term itself is a little declasse, but in the end who really cares what people call it. If you like the idea, do it, or have your hub get it for you. BTW Circe, so excited for you!

And Bliss, gotta say, you go girl...for being able to EBF/EP as long as you did with such struggles, it IS hard. Can't wait to see your 'secret'.

 

[centralsquare]

Now that i think of it, the idea of push presents reminds me of the Dear Abby letter where the guy thanked the girl for sex. She was like, 'How do I respond? I liked it too; I wasn't just doing it for him.' That column cracked me up.

It makes it sound like the only reason a woman would ever have a baby is just to make her husband happy so if she's going to go through all that trouble, she'd better get a big present. When the reality more often is you're glad he appreciates the baby but you kinda like the baby too - its not just about him. So the idea of a present from him to you sounds not unwelcome but a little bit strange.

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

Oh, I didn't realize that...is that always the case?

 

[monarch64]

Sorry, I skimmed all 4 pages and didn't get too deeply involved on any side. But wanted to add my thoughts which are these:

My dad gifted my mom some beautiful things 38 and 34 years ago when she gave birth to my brother and me. One was a Lladro figurine, and one was a priceless antique music box. Both were things she collected/loved and both were chosen specifically by him and not requested by her. They are family heirlooms that will be passed down someday, maybe to my brother and/or me, or maybe to grandchildren...only my parents know.

I have NO problem with "push presents." Well, except maybe the language. What if I have to have a C section? Do I call it a C section present? (I'm sure this was brought up earlier in the thread, forgive me for being gauche.) I have a couple charm bracelets, and I've always hoped to add a baby carriage or some similar baby themed charm to either or both of them to commemorate the birth of at least my first child. Also, there are plenty of "mother's rings" or family jewelry pieces out there in the mass merchandised market!

I would love for my future husband (SO and I are engaged but haven't gotten as far as the wedding and babies yet) to want to give me a lovely piece of jewelry upon the birth of our baby/babies, but if he's not down with it, I don't think it will be an issue. Babies are gift enough, and if we don't have the extra money at the time, I wouldn't want to receive a gift from him that depletes our liquids more than necessary, anyway.

 

[Arkteia]

Mine bought me a ring which I sometimes wear although it is not my style and sent me to London on a trip, with my other son, while he was taking care of the baby. Not too bad I think.

 

[rosetta]

Excellent indeed crasru!

There's nothing wrong with a bit of bling to commemorate a big life event. We didn't do an awful lot to get our engagement rings (well I didn't anyway) and no ones objecting to that. Whether you had a 24 hour labour or a seamless C section with whale music, it doesn't really matter. And handing it down to your child in due course is a delightful idea. I would think of the piece as the child's, with myself acting as caretaker only

 

[steph72276]

I agree with others that I dislike the term very much, but love the idea behind having a special piece of jewelry to mark the birth of a child. My husband is clueless about jewelry in general and especially after I've been on PS is afraid to pick anything out on his own, so the thought never crossed his mind. And I certainly wasn't going to say "hey, you know you should get me a gift when I give birth" haha, so what I did was pick something special out for my first Mother's Day and he purchased it for me. I got a nice gold initial charm necklace and he had their birthdays engraved on the back. I love it and wear it almost daily. I think there is something very sweet about marking this huge, life changing experience with a piece of jewelry if both people are on board with the idea. It's funny that people would take issue with it, especially on a diamond forum. I mean, we would say "awww, that's so sweet your husband gave you earrings out of the blue just because he loves you" yet some people would take issue with a gift to say thank you for carrying our child for 9 months and going through labor and delivery.

 

[Pandora II]

I have no intentions of handing my ring over at all. My daughter/grand-daughter or whoever can have it after my death!

I 100% deserved mine. I had a lousy pregnancy with hyperemesis and 24/7 morning sickness until 34 weeks and problems with my spine. A horrible L&D, an extensive episiotomy that they gave me morphine for, a forceps delivery that left me with the same bladder control as my baby and took over a year to recover, black and raw nipples from trying to breast-feed and a lot of emotional trauma. Since then, I have EBF'd for 6 months and I'm still breastfeeding now. I did every single night-feed - DH has never not had a full night of sleep and I look after my daughter with no support of any kind (no parents round the corner to take her for an hour or anything.)

Yes, I do all this willingly, but I think one's husband should appreciate what you go through to provide heirs! Fortunately I live in the UK and not the USA and so I got an automatic year of paid maternity leave.

 

[AmeliaG]

Oh, very much agree - it's that "5 Love Languages" thing, in spades.

Circe, I forgot to mention this excellent point of yours. I do think people's perceptions have a lot to do with their assumptions about gift giving.

Gift giving is not my family's language of love so big gifts at non-usual times are suspect. They're attempts to make up for a screw up and the recepient's response is 'too little too late'. So my initial thought to a reward for a mother's extra sacrifice is not so warm.

For families where gifts are given for any reason, we would seem crazy. They would be like, why not give a gift to celebrate and start a new tradition? But then again we give extra special Mother's/Father's Day presents the year a baby is born - technically the same.

If gift giving isn't the major language of love, people just adopt the standard occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, graduation, etc. rather than seek new occasions to give gifts.

 

[AmeliaG]

I have no intentions of handing my ring over at all. My daughter/grand-daughter or whoever can have it after my death!

I 100% deserved mine. I had a lousy pregnancy with hyperemesis and 24/7 morning sickness until 34 weeks and problems with my spine. A horrible L&D, an extensive episiotomy that they gave me morphine for, a forceps delivery that left me with the same bladder control as my baby and took over a year to recover, black and raw nipples from trying to breast-feed and a lot of emotional trauma. Since then, I have EBF'd for 6 months and I'm still breastfeeding now. I did every single night-feed - DH has never not had a full night of sleep and I look after my daughter with no support of any kind (no parents round the corner to take her for an hour or anything.)

Yes, I do all this willingly, but I think one's husband should appreciate what you go through to provide heirs! Fortunately I live in the UK and not the USA and so I got an automatic year of paid maternity leave.

Forgive me, Pandora, but this is what I don't understand. So a push present makes up for all of this? Why didn't you get his ass out of bed a few nights so you could get at least a few full night's sleep? I'm sorry this comes out as accusatory but its really not meant that way. It's just that this was one of the first things negotiated when my sister and sister-in-law had babies - bottle feeding, in addition to breast feeding so they wouldn't be the only ones that had to get out of bed in the middle of the night - and a clear delineation of childcare roles - who was taking care of what - all before they even got pregnant. I think if they had gotten serious pushback on any of this, they would have delayed having children until they were comfortable with the childcare arrangements.

But this is where my own assumptions about gift giving come in - I'm reading your story and thinking a gift doesn't in any way make up for this sh!t.

 

[Laila619]

I have no intentions of handing my ring over at all. My daughter/grand-daughter or whoever can have it after my death!

I 100% deserved mine. I had a lousy pregnancy with hyperemesis and 24/7 morning sickness until 34 weeks and problems with my spine. A horrible L&D, an extensive episiotomy that they gave me morphine for, a forceps delivery that left me with the same bladder control as my baby and took over a year to recover, black and raw nipples from trying to breast-feed and a lot of emotional trauma. Since then, I have EBF'd for 6 months and I'm still breastfeeding now. I did every single night-feed - DH has never not had a full night of sleep and I look after my daughter with no support of any kind (no parents round the corner to take her for an hour or anything.)

Sorry you went through all that! I'm genuinely curious, not asking in a snarky way...what if one has a relatively easy pregnancy and delivery? What if the man gets up with the baby every night and is exhausted at work, while he lets his wife sleep? Does that woman not deserve a gift as much?

I'm really enjoying reading everyone's opinions.

 

[NovemberBride]

I guess I view push presents a little differently than some on this thread. I view (and viewed my own) push present as simply a celebration of the new life of my DD. It has nothing to do with how difficult pregnancy and labor were and it certainly wasn't a payment for the sacrifices I would make as a mother. I made those sacrifices willingly when I decided to become a mother (and DH made the same). I would have laughed my husband out of the room if he suggested that a diamond bracelet meant I would take care of all the middle of the night changes and feedings. This is the 21st century! We have split baby responsibilities, like all other family responsibilities, as close to 50-50 as possible since day 1, even when I was on maternity leave and he was back to work. I am as liberal and feminist as they come, if DH had wanted a gift to celebrate DD's birth I would have gladly given him one, he supported me through fertility treatments, treated me like a queen through pregnancy and childbirth and is truly the best father I have ever known besides my own. If you don't want a push present, fine, but please don't make judgements about me or my marriage based on my desire to have one.

 

[iugurl]

I guess I view push presents a little differently than some on this thread. I view (and viewed my own) push present as simply a celebration of the new life of my DD. It has nothing to do with how difficult pregnancy and labor were and it certainly wasn't a payment for the sacrifices I would make as a mother. I made those sacrifices willingly when I decided to become a mother (and DH made the same). I would have laughed my husband out of the room if he suggested that a diamond bracelet meant I would take care of all the middle of the night changes and feedings. This is the 21st century! We have split baby responsibilities, like all other family responsibilities, as close to 50-50 as possible since day 1, even when I was on maternity leave and he was back to work. I am as liberal and feminist as they come, if DH had wanted a gift to celebrate DD's birth I would have gladly given him one, he supported me through fertility treatments, treated me like a queen through pregnancy and childbirth and is truly the best father I have ever known besides my own. If you don't want a push present, fine, but please don't make judgements about me or my marriage based on my desire to have one.

I like your view on push presents. This attitude is a positive one! The attitude about "deserving" a present and it is "payment" for having a child is what rubs me the wrong way!

 

[AmeliaG]

I like your view on push presents. This attitude is a positive one! The attitude about "deserving" a present and it is "payment" for having a child is what rubs me the wrong way!

Come to think of it - I find the idea of 'deserving' presents very strange. Probably a topic for another thread but when you take it to its logical conclusion, it can sound kinda strange.

I get that sense when I read about women 'deserving' big diamonds. i immediately think of my sister whose husband couldn't even afford a diamond and wonder does that mean she is less worthy? No, it just means that diamonds are not a wise investment for their financial situation.

I'm totally onboard with the idea that if you work hard and smart, more likely the fruits of your efforts will be a better financial situation, so you can splurge on luxuries if that is your priority. I'm just puzzled by the need to 'deserve' presents. I've gotten a few big presents - don't know if I deserved any of them but I sure appreciated all of them.

 

[MustangGal]

I also like the idea of a gift for the birth of a child, regarless of whether the woman pushed the kid out (I tried for 2 hours but ended up sliced instead). It doesn't have to be jewelry, or expensive, just a nice momento to commerate the moment. I had a ring made with an amethyste from the Four Peaks mine, my son's birth stone from the state he was born in. It was only $250, but the memories associated with it are priceless.

When I attend baby showers, I like to get the mother-to-be a simple piece of jewelry with the baby's expected birth stone. Just a little necklace in silver, but a piece they can wear and associate with the child.

 

[starshine]

When I had my 1st child 10 1/2 years ago, I had several friends who had the tradition of the husband gifting the wife a special present upon the arrival (whether by birth or adoption) of a child....I don't think I heard the term "push present" until Pricescope, though. We did not adhere to that tradition, as my husband was in residency and money was tight. I *love* the idea of commemorating the arrival of a child with a piece of jewelry, though......preferably with the child's birthstone, to be passed down to the child someday! Hmmmmm, methinks it's not too late to commemorate their births now! Just thinking about heirlooms for the little darlings, of course....

 

[Circe]

I like your view on push presents. This attitude is a positive one! The attitude about "deserving" a present and it is "payment" for having a child is what rubs me the wrong way!

Come to think of it - I find the idea of 'deserving' presents very strange. Probably a topic for another thread but when you take it to its logical conclusion, it can sound kinda strange.

I get that sense when I read about women 'deserving' big diamonds. i immediately think of my sister whose husband couldn't even afford a diamond and wonder does that mean she is less worthy? No, it just means that diamonds are not a wise investment for their financial situation.

I'm totally onboard with the idea that if you work hard and smart, more likely the fruits of your efforts will be a better financial situation, so you can splurge on luxuries if that is your priority. I'm just puzzled by the need to 'deserve' presents. I've gotten a few big presents - don't know if I deserved any of them but I sure appreciated all of them.

It is interesting how language and presentation can affect the issue! "Deserve" ... "worth" ... "entitled" ... all loaded terms. But sometimes, aren't they kind of appropriate, not in a comparative sense, but in an absolute sense? I mean ... just as an example, Pandora and Laila's interaction below:

Going bac

I have no intentions of handing my ring over at all. My daughter/grand-daughter or whoever can have it after my death!

I 100% deserved mine. I had a lousy pregnancy with hyperemesis and 24/7 morning sickness until 34 weeks and problems with my spine. A horrible L&D, an extensive episiotomy that they gave me morphine for, a forceps delivery that left me with the same bladder control as my baby and took over a year to recover, black and raw nipples from trying to breast-feed and a lot of emotional trauma. Since then, I have EBF'd for 6 months and I'm still breastfeeding now. I did every single night-feed - DH has never not had a full night of sleep and I look after my daughter with no support of any kind (no parents round the corner to take her for an hour or anything.)

Sorry you went through all that! I'm genuinely curious, not asking in a snarky way...what if one has a relatively easy pregnancy and delivery? What if the man gets up with the baby every night and is exhausted at work, while he lets his wife sleep? Does that woman not deserve a gift as much?

I'm really enjoying reading everyone's opinions.

My take on that is, yes, Pandora damn well deserved to treat herself after all that! And I think it's important in this context that she also didn't wait for her husband to bestow something on her (though it is wonderful when husbands step up and do things of their own volition). I'm having trouble articulating this precisely (one of the reasons I wanted to start the thread!), but one of the odd dynamics I'm seeing in this issue is the push/pull between it being something the father does for the mother, and something the mother wants for herself/does for herself. I mean, in most other contexts, we are so! very! against! women having preferences when it comes to their personal relationships - look at the e-ring, where we idealize the woman who says "I would have married him if he'd asked with a cigar band!" and scorn the lady who says, "Actually, while it's a beautiful sentiment, I would prefer we exchange this bulky tension-set princess for the cushion solitaire I've always wanted since, you know, it's a gift but it's also something I'm expected to wear every day for the rest of my life." Why? Because women are supposed to be passive and receptive and just grateful for whatever comes our way. Soooo not a series of sentiments I can identify with!

Also ... I think that while there's a huge range in experiences of pregnancies, isn't it fair to say that even the easiest pregnancy represents some physical challenges that the non-carrying partner just doesn't face, and that isn't typical in our normal lives, that's worth a little pat on the back? I mean, I had one easy pregnancy (until it wasn't), and now I'm having a high-risk pregnancy (which will hopefully resolve itself in the usual fashion with the result of an outraged, energetically squalling, healthy infant). I mean ... sure, this time around I get to give myself injections and take horse pills and visit the doc more often than I do anybody else in my life, but I wouldn't say I felt more aggrieved or anything on this go round - just more ... focused. In both cases, though, and I'd feel comfortable saying in all cases, pregnancy provides some physical surprises - exhaustion! morning sickness! heartburn! unexpectedly swollen limbs! etc. - and I think it's not unreasonable to simultaneously enjoy the celebratory aspects of the birth while acknowledging that, yeah, even in a best case scenario, this is hard.

Which is why I think it's an absolute and not a comparative - I think all women deserve a little celebration and special treatment, not just the ones who soldier heroically through 26 hours of labor before ALSO having to have a c-section (my poor, long-suffering mother, ladies and gents - what with the family nose, yes, I am starting to feel nervous). If some women prefer to receive that via a week at a spa or a spouse's endless professions of appreciation, I'm not saying they have to get bling - but I am saying they should get something.

It's the pushback on that that I find so fascinating: the idea that the lady who does the marathon labor AND the c-section AND all the nightly feedings whose husband is delighted to see the baby but kinda "eh" about observing that anything out of the ordinary has happened is out of line if she feels like maybe she should have gotten some flowers; or, alternately, the idea that in the "ideal" situation where the husband is there every step of the way and splits childcare duties equally, we can't acknowledge that maybe the whole "9 months of gestation + labor and delivery" part of things was actually not a case of "we are pregnant," but a case of "she is doing the tough part, and should get a nod for it." Like, what larger cultural phenomenon is that speaking to?

 

[MonkeyPie]

I think the whole, "I had a hard pregnancy/delivery/recovery" is really a bogus reason for wanting a gift after your child is born. I had a horrendous L&D and didn't get a damn physical thing. (Unless you count the couch we both needed and used before I was even due, and I like to tell my husband that my present was the best couch ever, since I currently park on it every night. Hah.) I do eventually want a baby ring, but it is not in the cards for me right now and that's fine. I can wait and get a mothers ring when we are done with having kids, if I so choose.

If your husband wants to give you something because he recognizes that L&D is not an easy thing, and he thinks you have given HIM a gift of a perfect little baby, then by all means. But I think demanding something or making snide little comments about how much you deserve it is just ridiculous.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I guess I just wonder why the push present in particular can be so contentious - is it because we still associate "motherhood" and "selflessness?"

Yes, this.

 

[Imdanny]

My BIL bought my sister a jewelry gift when she had each of their two kids. He picked them both out on his own and surprised her with them in the hospital. It was really sweet. I think jewelry is the perfect gift to mark a momentous occasion like a baby, so I see no problem with it!

This, but I can't personally let myself call it as a "push present." Sorry.

 

[Dreamer_D]

When strangers comment on my e-ring, I always tell them that it is my years of service award. Who needs a gold watch?

HAHA!!! Awesome!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

But it's not just a present for you; it is also something special to be passed on to your child in honor of his/her birth.

This is how I feel, too. It seems like the majority of women here who have received these gifts intend to pass them on to either the child whom they commemorate, or to that child's child, on another special occasion. The chance to create an heirloom is something special, and I hope I am lucky enough to be able to do so someday!

This returns to the notion it is wrong for a mother to want somethng for herself . I am a selfish mother, my gifts were bought for me with not intention of passing them on. When I look at them it makes me think of my boys when I am not with them. It is a great thing.

And it was a nice distraction in the early difficult weeks to think about what gift I would get for myself. Sometimes gazing at your gift of a child at 2am simply is not enough

 

[cookies]

I never heard of "push presents" until I joined PS. Even then I thought it means the presents you push your husband to get before certain event happens. Silly me!

One of my co-workers had her first born last year. When she came back for work early this year, I noticed she wore several new things, including a pair of halo studs, a bangle, and a right hand ring. Now I think of it, those are probably her "push presents".

By the way, I don't like the name "push presents".